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Shameless: The Fight for Adoption Disclosure and the Search for My Son
In the late 1960s, at the age of eighteen and living far from home amidst the thriving counterculture of Ottawa, Marilyn Churley got pregnant. Like thousands of other women of the time she kept the event a secret. Faced with few options, she gave the baby up for adoption. Over twenty years later, as the Ontario NDP government’s minister responsible for all birth, death, and adoption records, including those of her own child, Churley found herself in a surprising and powerful position – fully engaged in the long and difficult battle to reform adoption disclosure laws and find her son. Both a personal and political story, Shameless is a powerful memoir about a mother’s struggle with loss, love, secrets, and lies – and an adoption system shrouded in shame.
256 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2015
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Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
October 16, 2022
I have been listening to this audiobook as I am getting ready for bed the last few weeks and it is definitely keeping me from getting to sleep on time - it is so good!
Shameless is a memoir written by Marilyn Churley, with the narrator for the audiobook being Ellen Davis. It is about the author's experiences as a young adult when she had no choice but to give up her son for adoption as an unwed mother in a time when society had very different moral rules. Churley kept her entire pregnancy a secret from her parents and lived with a male friend who was not the father. She goes on to enjoy her young adult years, falls in love and eventually has a second child, always remembering and thinking of the child she gave up. For many years she considers searching for her son but comes across many obstacles related to the secrecy of the adoption process and documents from the 60s and 70s. In the 80s Churley enters the legislature in Ontario and begins a decades long battle to change laws and procedures related to the closed adoption documents. Her fight for rights for both adult adoptees and biological parents was met with great backlash for many years, demonstrating the problem with government decisions not considering the people who the decision concerns. Many adoptees and adoptive parents were asking for change but a resistance to move away from the secrecy of the past on the part of the government overweighed those voices.
I really appreciated the explanations of how things went in the government and the slow progress carefully detailed over time. I also really liked the references to organizations who were supportive of adoption rights. But by far the most valuable part of this book were the personal stories Churley shared about her own search to reconnect with her biological child and the pain, vulnerability, excitement, joy and fear that came along with that search.
Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for giving me the chance to listen to and review this book. Even more though, I would like to thank the author for both the work she did to advocate for adoptive rights, as well as the writing about this important part of Canada's history.
Shameless is a memoir written by Marilyn Churley, with the narrator for the audiobook being Ellen Davis. It is about the author's experiences as a young adult when she had no choice but to give up her son for adoption as an unwed mother in a time when society had very different moral rules. Churley kept her entire pregnancy a secret from her parents and lived with a male friend who was not the father. She goes on to enjoy her young adult years, falls in love and eventually has a second child, always remembering and thinking of the child she gave up. For many years she considers searching for her son but comes across many obstacles related to the secrecy of the adoption process and documents from the 60s and 70s. In the 80s Churley enters the legislature in Ontario and begins a decades long battle to change laws and procedures related to the closed adoption documents. Her fight for rights for both adult adoptees and biological parents was met with great backlash for many years, demonstrating the problem with government decisions not considering the people who the decision concerns. Many adoptees and adoptive parents were asking for change but a resistance to move away from the secrecy of the past on the part of the government overweighed those voices.
I really appreciated the explanations of how things went in the government and the slow progress carefully detailed over time. I also really liked the references to organizations who were supportive of adoption rights. But by far the most valuable part of this book were the personal stories Churley shared about her own search to reconnect with her biological child and the pain, vulnerability, excitement, joy and fear that came along with that search.
Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for giving me the chance to listen to and review this book. Even more though, I would like to thank the author for both the work she did to advocate for adoptive rights, as well as the writing about this important part of Canada's history.
September 21, 2022
Shameless by Marilyn Churley follows author's personal story from growing up in Newfoundland, to young adulthood when she gave her first child up for adoption, on to her later career in politics where she championed legislation to enable pathways for adoptees and birth parents to discover each other's identities. Churley was ultimately able to reunite with her son and shared a strong relationship with both him and his adoptive parents.
The story is quick paced and it is easy to empathize with Churley as she faces the ire of those who judged her decisions. The author's view is clear, that children have a strong need to know their family roots and their personal history. I wish there was more discussion on the benefits of open adoption for the child and their development and further analysis of the fears expressed by those who wish to preserve closed adoptions.
I would recommend this book to anyone interested in adoption or adoption rights. Churley has led an inspiring life and it was refreshing to learn about how we can make an impact in the world for others.
I received a free audiobook copy of this release from the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
The story is quick paced and it is easy to empathize with Churley as she faces the ire of those who judged her decisions. The author's view is clear, that children have a strong need to know their family roots and their personal history. I wish there was more discussion on the benefits of open adoption for the child and their development and further analysis of the fears expressed by those who wish to preserve closed adoptions.
I would recommend this book to anyone interested in adoption or adoption rights. Churley has led an inspiring life and it was refreshing to learn about how we can make an impact in the world for others.
I received a free audiobook copy of this release from the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
October 15, 2022
While the story itself was solid, I definitely believe I would have enjoyed this more as an actual book or an ebook over the audio copy I received from NetGalley- I say this because it’s clear there are pictures in the book and the narrator says “image (description of image)” very often and it drove me nuts. I wanted to fast forward past it but then I’d miss things and have to go back.
I’ve always been interested in the background of adoption since my birth father was adopted and I never really knew his birth family. This book was presented from the side I don’t have experience with and I found that interesting. I also think it’s worth mentioning this was clearly written before the overturning of Roe v. Wade in the US and our author is Canadian so some of what she says is no longer accurate but I’m sure it was when this was written and is probably still accurate in Canada - but I have no idea as an American what their abortion laws are.
The story itself was a solid ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ but the audio with the irritating descriptions of the photos I can’t see really knocked off a star. So I’m gonna give this ⭐️⭐️⭐️
I’ve always been interested in the background of adoption since my birth father was adopted and I never really knew his birth family. This book was presented from the side I don’t have experience with and I found that interesting. I also think it’s worth mentioning this was clearly written before the overturning of Roe v. Wade in the US and our author is Canadian so some of what she says is no longer accurate but I’m sure it was when this was written and is probably still accurate in Canada - but I have no idea as an American what their abortion laws are.
The story itself was a solid ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ but the audio with the irritating descriptions of the photos I can’t see really knocked off a star. So I’m gonna give this ⭐️⭐️⭐️
April 25, 2024
A non-fiction book about a Canadian Member of Provincial Parliament for Ontario who fights through the system for change to disclosure laws for adoptees and birth parents. Along the way, she also shares her own story of giving up a son for adoption at birth when she was a young, unmarried woman.
Apparently this was supposed to be a political book, and the author was later convinced to add her personal story. I'm so glad that happened. I personally found the political portions more dry, and the personal story more captivating. I think it was a good idea to mix the two.
The book will likely bring up a lot of emotions, especially if you're a book parent, adopted child, or adoptive family.
If you like politics and you're interested in adoption, this is the book for you.
Apparently this was supposed to be a political book, and the author was later convinced to add her personal story. I'm so glad that happened. I personally found the political portions more dry, and the personal story more captivating. I think it was a good idea to mix the two.
The book will likely bring up a lot of emotions, especially if you're a book parent, adopted child, or adoptive family.
If you like politics and you're interested in adoption, this is the book for you.
October 24, 2022
"Both a personal and political story, Shameless is a powerful memoir about a mother's struggle with loss, love, secrets, and lies and an adoption system shrouded in shame."
I snagged this on NetGalley interested as an adoptee and adoption counselor. Marilyn Churley provides fascinating insight into Canadian politics and the journey of a mother who surrendered a child for adoption in the years when this was virtually an enforced choice for unwed mothers in North America. The second part of the book is heavy with politics and occasionally read more like a research paper. Fasinating and informative nonetheless. What a powerful story she has.
Thank you to Between the Lines & Marilyn Churley for my ARC in exchange for my honest review.
I snagged this on NetGalley interested as an adoptee and adoption counselor. Marilyn Churley provides fascinating insight into Canadian politics and the journey of a mother who surrendered a child for adoption in the years when this was virtually an enforced choice for unwed mothers in North America. The second part of the book is heavy with politics and occasionally read more like a research paper. Fasinating and informative nonetheless. What a powerful story she has.
Thank you to Between the Lines & Marilyn Churley for my ARC in exchange for my honest review.
September 20, 2022
Listened to the audiobook.
I received a free Advanced Reading Copy via NetGalley in exchange for a complete and honest review.
This was so beautiful!
I received a free Advanced Reading Copy via NetGalley in exchange for a complete and honest review.
This was so beautiful!
October 2, 2022
I received a free copy of this book from the publisher through netgalley.com. I am leaving this review voluntarily.
As the Executive Director of an adoption agency this spoke to me. The struggle of adoptees to obtain a copy of their original birth certificates is still going on. Although many states have now allowed this there are many that have not. With the new normal of open adoption this isn't as much of an issue for this new generation but there are hundreds of people who have no medical history and no understanding of their roots. Some aren't even sure what race they are.
Marilyn Churley's honest and gripping tale of being a pregnant woman during a time when this was not considered acceptable could be any woman's story. She wasn't special or different than any of the other however her ambition did take her to a place where she could make a difference. And through years of struggle and fighting she finally helped pass adoption disclosure laws in Canada and found her biological son that she placed for adoption.
Marilyn Churley shines a light on the struggles so many women at that time faced and her fight in the legislature helped so many be able to reunite, discover their medical background and openly grieve for the losses they encountered.
This is a wonderful book, the narration is excellent and it really opens the doors to practices that were barbaric, unhealthy and filled with shame and judgement. The judgement still remains but practices are much different now and more empowering to the women who choose adoption.
As the Executive Director of an adoption agency this spoke to me. The struggle of adoptees to obtain a copy of their original birth certificates is still going on. Although many states have now allowed this there are many that have not. With the new normal of open adoption this isn't as much of an issue for this new generation but there are hundreds of people who have no medical history and no understanding of their roots. Some aren't even sure what race they are.
Marilyn Churley's honest and gripping tale of being a pregnant woman during a time when this was not considered acceptable could be any woman's story. She wasn't special or different than any of the other however her ambition did take her to a place where she could make a difference. And through years of struggle and fighting she finally helped pass adoption disclosure laws in Canada and found her biological son that she placed for adoption.
Marilyn Churley shines a light on the struggles so many women at that time faced and her fight in the legislature helped so many be able to reunite, discover their medical background and openly grieve for the losses they encountered.
This is a wonderful book, the narration is excellent and it really opens the doors to practices that were barbaric, unhealthy and filled with shame and judgement. The judgement still remains but practices are much different now and more empowering to the women who choose adoption.
September 26, 2022
This is a heartbreaking, yet uplifting memoir. As a Single mother in the 1990s, It was eye-opening to me that only a generation before those who found themselves in similar situations had a much different and languishing experience.
For those interested in women's issues, this is a good one to pick up. Not only does the author go into her personal story, she follows through with her advocacy work to help change the situation for many others who have been through the same ordeal.
For those interested in women's issues, this is a good one to pick up. Not only does the author go into her personal story, she follows through with her advocacy work to help change the situation for many others who have been through the same ordeal.
July 3, 2015
I found this book to be a fascinating read. As an adoptee the topic immediately drew me in and I was hooked from the start.
Marilyn has led a very interesting life which she details in an honest and humble manner.
I enjoyed learning about her personal history and her search for and ultimate reunion with her son. I found the political background story re: changing adoption laws very enlightening as well.
My natural mother and I were directly affected by the change that Marilyn and her associates were able to secure, and we continue to enjoy a loving relationship to this day (along with my Nova Scotian Mama, I also inherited a large and loving extended birth family!).
This book made me think even more deeply about how adoption has affected me. I believe that, through Marilyn's story, I have gained some insight into how my Mama must have felt, although she really does not share that with me. I am going to buy this book and send it to her, hoping that it will help alleviate some of the shame and stigma that I know she still carries with her 59 years later.
Thank you Marilyn. I am most grateful for your book!
Marilyn has led a very interesting life which she details in an honest and humble manner.
I enjoyed learning about her personal history and her search for and ultimate reunion with her son. I found the political background story re: changing adoption laws very enlightening as well.
My natural mother and I were directly affected by the change that Marilyn and her associates were able to secure, and we continue to enjoy a loving relationship to this day (along with my Nova Scotian Mama, I also inherited a large and loving extended birth family!).
This book made me think even more deeply about how adoption has affected me. I believe that, through Marilyn's story, I have gained some insight into how my Mama must have felt, although she really does not share that with me. I am going to buy this book and send it to her, hoping that it will help alleviate some of the shame and stigma that I know she still carries with her 59 years later.
Thank you Marilyn. I am most grateful for your book!
March 10, 2023
Thank you to NetGalley and Between the Lines Publishing for access to the audiobook of Shameless by Marilyn Churley in exchange for an honest review.
This is part memoir, part political commentary about the adoption process and the sealing of adoption records. Churley was a champion of legislature that changed the process of adoptions so that she could ultimately be reunited with her adult son, whom she gave up for adoption when she was young.
This was an insightful memoir in exposing the coercion and ethical dilemmas inherent in the adoption process. I wish that Churley would have leaned more into the disadvantages of the adoption process beyond just the open v. closed adoptions.
I was touched by her reunion with her son and the ultimate result of being able to form a new, whole blended family that brought emotional healing for both mother and son.
This is part memoir, part political commentary about the adoption process and the sealing of adoption records. Churley was a champion of legislature that changed the process of adoptions so that she could ultimately be reunited with her adult son, whom she gave up for adoption when she was young.
This was an insightful memoir in exposing the coercion and ethical dilemmas inherent in the adoption process. I wish that Churley would have leaned more into the disadvantages of the adoption process beyond just the open v. closed adoptions.
I was touched by her reunion with her son and the ultimate result of being able to form a new, whole blended family that brought emotional healing for both mother and son.
January 18, 2023
In Shameless, former Member of Provincial Parliament Marilyn Churley shares her personal and political struggles with adoption laws in Canada.
The memoir begins with a recounting of Churley’s early life and her struggles as an unwed mother in the 60s. She then shares the journey of reuniting with her son - more than 20 years after surrendering him for adoption. The latter half of the book covers her fight to reform adoption disclosure legislation as a member of the New Democratic Party.
Shameless is a wonderful story of how passion and determination can affect real change. Unfortunately, it also reminds us of the slow-moving nature of political change.
Thank you NetGalley for providing me with an arc of Shameless in exchange for an honest review.
The memoir begins with a recounting of Churley’s early life and her struggles as an unwed mother in the 60s. She then shares the journey of reuniting with her son - more than 20 years after surrendering him for adoption. The latter half of the book covers her fight to reform adoption disclosure legislation as a member of the New Democratic Party.
Shameless is a wonderful story of how passion and determination can affect real change. Unfortunately, it also reminds us of the slow-moving nature of political change.
Thank you NetGalley for providing me with an arc of Shameless in exchange for an honest review.
June 27, 2015
Super interesting read about adoption in the 60's in Canada and the fight for adoption laws to be changed. Written by Marilyn Churley who was a member of the NDP.
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews