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Still
***AUTHOR'S NOTE***
Still is written differently from my other books, and that difference was intentional.
I don’t write every story the same way. I’m deeply influenced by poetry, and I tend to let the emotional world of each book decide what the prose should sound like. My other book Blue for example, was written like one long poem, and one of my biggest style influences is Ellen Hopkins.
With Still, I wanted to try something different and for this story, a fragmented style felt right. Through shorter, choppy sentences, repetition, abrupt transitions, and moments where thoughts break apart.
Still deals heavily with grief, anxiety, depression, and emotional repression. Those experiences aren’t always neat or linear. Thoughts interrupt each other. Memories surface without warning. Emotions repeat. Some moments disappear quickly, while others refuse to leave.
I wanted the writing to move the same way.
That fragmented rhythm isn’t how I write every book, and it isn’t meant to be. I like allowing each story to have its own voice, structure, and cadence rather than forcing all of my books into the same style.
If you prefer smooth, traditional prose, this book may not be your jam, and that’s okay.
Thank you for reading!
DESCRIPTION
Jamie Nash has spent his whole life learning control.
Control on the ice. Control over his body. Control over every thought, feeling, and weakness that could ruin everything he’s worked for. As captain of Harlow University’s hockey team, control is the only reason he survives the pressure.
Then Rhys Callahan transfers in from Eldridge.
Rhys is reckless where Jamie is rigid. Loud where Jamie is silent. Infuriatingly talented. Impossible to ignore. And from the moment they meet, every interaction between them feels less like rivalry and more like a dare neither of them knows how to walk away from.
What starts as tension turns into something neither of them can name. Meaner. Messier.
Wanting each other becomes its own kind of violence.
Because both of them have spent years standing still inside the wreckage of who they used to be — trapped by grief, anger, fear, and the things they survived long before they met each other.
And the closer they get, the more dangerous it becomes.
Because Rhys sees too much.
And Jamie has spent years making sure no one ever gets close enough to.
Still is an emotionally intense MM romance featuring obsessive tension, emotional repression, explosive chemistry, high heat, trauma, and two men finally forced to want something more than survival.
Still is the first novel in The Northbound Series.
Still is written differently from my other books, and that difference was intentional.
I don’t write every story the same way. I’m deeply influenced by poetry, and I tend to let the emotional world of each book decide what the prose should sound like. My other book Blue for example, was written like one long poem, and one of my biggest style influences is Ellen Hopkins.
With Still, I wanted to try something different and for this story, a fragmented style felt right. Through shorter, choppy sentences, repetition, abrupt transitions, and moments where thoughts break apart.
Still deals heavily with grief, anxiety, depression, and emotional repression. Those experiences aren’t always neat or linear. Thoughts interrupt each other. Memories surface without warning. Emotions repeat. Some moments disappear quickly, while others refuse to leave.
I wanted the writing to move the same way.
That fragmented rhythm isn’t how I write every book, and it isn’t meant to be. I like allowing each story to have its own voice, structure, and cadence rather than forcing all of my books into the same style.
If you prefer smooth, traditional prose, this book may not be your jam, and that’s okay.
Thank you for reading!
DESCRIPTION
Jamie Nash has spent his whole life learning control.
Control on the ice. Control over his body. Control over every thought, feeling, and weakness that could ruin everything he’s worked for. As captain of Harlow University’s hockey team, control is the only reason he survives the pressure.
Then Rhys Callahan transfers in from Eldridge.
Rhys is reckless where Jamie is rigid. Loud where Jamie is silent. Infuriatingly talented. Impossible to ignore. And from the moment they meet, every interaction between them feels less like rivalry and more like a dare neither of them knows how to walk away from.
What starts as tension turns into something neither of them can name. Meaner. Messier.
Wanting each other becomes its own kind of violence.
Because both of them have spent years standing still inside the wreckage of who they used to be — trapped by grief, anger, fear, and the things they survived long before they met each other.
And the closer they get, the more dangerous it becomes.
Because Rhys sees too much.
And Jamie has spent years making sure no one ever gets close enough to.
Still is an emotionally intense MM romance featuring obsessive tension, emotional repression, explosive chemistry, high heat, trauma, and two men finally forced to want something more than survival.
Still is the first novel in The Northbound Series.
391 pages, Kindle Edition
First published July 17, 2026
About the author
Carmen Wilder
3 books120 followersCarmen Wilder writes MM romance that hurts.
Her books explore trauma, addiction, mental health, healing, and the uglier parts of loving and being loved. She writes flawed characters who make bad choices, hurt each other, and somehow still find their way toward something good.
She loves experimenting with different writing styles, and every book is meant to feel a little like poetry.
She’ll hurt your feelings, but she’ll always give you an HEA. Promise!
TikTok & Instagram: @carmen.wilder1
Her books explore trauma, addiction, mental health, healing, and the uglier parts of loving and being loved. She writes flawed characters who make bad choices, hurt each other, and somehow still find their way toward something good.
She loves experimenting with different writing styles, and every book is meant to feel a little like poetry.
She’ll hurt your feelings, but she’ll always give you an HEA. Promise!
TikTok & Instagram: @carmen.wilder1
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 277 reviews
June 23, 2026
“He’s everything and I’ve always been nothing. He’s the sun, trying so desperately to blanket me in its warmth and safety, and I’m the black hole snuffing out the light. Because I’m ugly and empty inside.” “ I will hurt him. Not because I want to. Not because he deserves it. But because I am made of walls and he is made of open fields and trust and eventually the walls win. They always win.”
I have been absolutely feral waiting for this book. I'm so obsessed with this author after Blue and I just knew I couldn't be disappointed and I wasn't. My kindle highlighter is basically dead.
The banter is hilarious between Rhys and Jamie, but also between the whole team in general. Also the tension? Perfection. So much heat between these two that you can’t help but feel their connection, and the chemistry.
The way this author writes just pulls you right into the characters. My heart was so broken for younger Jamie and no one protecting him. And I knew Rhys didn't just come into his confidence by accident, I knew something tragic was coming with those flashbacks.
And my favorite side character, Blake is everything. The fill in dad for Rhys, and he had me cracking up. “You supposedly hate each other. And you keep—" "coming all over each other" But he's also so sweet, and an important anchor for Rhys.
The HEA was so satisfying and I love the message that lingers about not staying still when you know you should move even when it’s hard and how harmful staying still can be to the people you care about.
Anyway now I'm just going to be here impatiently waiting for whatever Carmen Wilder writes next, so I can completely devour it!
I have been absolutely feral waiting for this book. I'm so obsessed with this author after Blue and I just knew I couldn't be disappointed and I wasn't. My kindle highlighter is basically dead.
The banter is hilarious between Rhys and Jamie, but also between the whole team in general. Also the tension? Perfection. So much heat between these two that you can’t help but feel their connection, and the chemistry.
The way this author writes just pulls you right into the characters. My heart was so broken for younger Jamie and no one protecting him. And I knew Rhys didn't just come into his confidence by accident, I knew something tragic was coming with those flashbacks.
And my favorite side character, Blake is everything. The fill in dad for Rhys, and he had me cracking up. “You supposedly hate each other. And you keep—" "coming all over each other" But he's also so sweet, and an important anchor for Rhys.
The HEA was so satisfying and I love the message that lingers about not staying still when you know you should move even when it’s hard and how harmful staying still can be to the people you care about.
Anyway now I'm just going to be here impatiently waiting for whatever Carmen Wilder writes next, so I can completely devour it!
Review of advance copy received from Author
Still is the first entry in the NorthBound hockey series, where teammates Rhys and Jamie have instant chemistry that is both competitive and endearing. They go on an intense journey of processing their individual traumas while navigating their complicated, budding relationship, which is as inevitable as it is powerful.
Jamie and Rhys could be great friends, but their initial stubbornness turns their push-and-pull into a frosty, biting dynamic that threatens their positions on their team. This element is a strong part of their story, but watching Rhys and Jamie slowly unravel and eventually open up about their vulnerabilities creates a fascinating new dynamic that is heartfelt and deeply emotional.
Overall, I really enjoyed this story. At times, I was frustrated with these two characters and their many push-and-pull antics, but their journey to self-discovery and acceptance was worth it, and their hard-earned HEA was perfectly done.
*** I reviewed a complimentary copy of this story.***
Jamie and Rhys could be great friends, but their initial stubbornness turns their push-and-pull into a frosty, biting dynamic that threatens their positions on their team. This element is a strong part of their story, but watching Rhys and Jamie slowly unravel and eventually open up about their vulnerabilities creates a fascinating new dynamic that is heartfelt and deeply emotional.
Overall, I really enjoyed this story. At times, I was frustrated with these two characters and their many push-and-pull antics, but their journey to self-discovery and acceptance was worth it, and their hard-earned HEA was perfectly done.
*** I reviewed a complimentary copy of this story.***
July 27, 2026
Almost completely certain this is written with AI. The excessive amounts of em dashes. The run on sentences. The fact the author has put out 3 books in 4 months. Her profile picture is AI. And I’m not the first to make this claim and from what I’ve seen, the author hasn’t denied it.
DNFed 5% in because it’s either written by AI or poorly written or both.
DNFed 5% in because it’s either written by AI or poorly written or both.
July 19, 2026
It reads a lot like AI. It feels like the characters don’t exist outside of the moment they are in, the phrasing and prose has a lot of typical AI tells, and the sentences are either very short and choppy, or too long and lacking punctuation. I also just don’t like the characters. Especially Jamie.
June 11, 2026
I had the privilege of beta reading this book, and two days after finishing it, I'm still thinking about it. I actually had to sit with it for a while before writing this review because it felt so weighty. This book completely consumed me, and it's unlike any hockey romance I've ever read.
Carmen Wilder's writing is absolutely stunning. I highlighted so many passages because there were lines that I knew I wanted to come back to again and again. Every character, every conversation, every emotion felt intentional. This story is beautifully layered, incredibly nuanced, and so grounded in reality that I couldn't put it down.
The story moves between Rhys and Jamie's pasts and the present, and it was such an effective storytelling choice. Instead of revealing everything at once, Carmen slowly peels back the layers of who these characters are, allowing the reader to understand how their pasts shaped the people they've become.
Rhys and Jamie are both beautifully complex characters carrying wounds that run deep. Jamie is the captain of the college hockey team, while Rhys transfers in for his senior year under mysterious circumstances. Their first interactions are full of tension, and while they seem to dislike each other on the surface, it's obvious there's something much deeper simmering underneath.
As more of their histories are revealed, it becomes impossible not to empathize with both of them. Jamie frustrated me so many times, but I also understood him. He hides behind control and isolation because that's all he's ever known. Growing up with an abusive father who convinced him hockey was the only thing that mattered left him believing there was no room for love in his life. At least not the kind of love he wanted. The scenes where he watches Jonah with his dad, quietly longing for that same unconditional love, absolutely shattered my heart. He genuinely believed loving someone would cost him everything, so he kept pushing Rhys away.
And then there's sweet Rhys. Oh, my heart. More than anything, he just wanted someone to choose him. What happened to him at his previous school was heartbreaking, especially knowing he had to carry that pain alone. Yet somehow, he never let it harden him. He still allowed himself to hope for love. At first, I was terrified Jamie was going to become him repeating the same mistake from his past, but then Rhys listed all the ways Jamie was different, and I completely melted. He saw through every wall Jamie had built and understood the person hiding behind them. Watching him choose vulnerability again, despite everything he'd been through, was one of the most beautiful parts of the book. And Chapter 41? It absolutely wrecked me. Seeing them both finally lay everything on the table and fully open their hearts to each other was worth every ounce of angst.
What I loved most was how honest this story felt. Healing isn't linear, and people don't simply move on from years of trauma because they fall in love with someone. Carmen Wilder gave these characters the time, patience, and grace they needed to work through their fears, and because of that, every breakthrough felt earned. Jamie's reluctance to embrace what he felt for Rhys was frustrating at times, but it also felt completely authentic. He didn't know what healthy love looked like or that he was allowed to pursue it. He truly believed choosing love (especially loving another man) would ruin his life and his dreams of playing pro hockey. This book had me feeling everything—anger, frustration, heartbreak, hope, and so much empathy for these two broken boys.
And then there's the spice... absolute perfection. That's all I'm going to say is mouthguard. If you know, you know. Their chemistry was incredible, balancing tenderness, vulnerability, and scorching attraction so effortlessly.
My only complaint? I wanted more. After everything these two fought through, I wasn't ready to let them go. I would have happily read another hundred pages of them simply living their happily ever after.
If you're looking for a hockey romance that's so much more than hockey—a story with beautifully broken characters, emotional depth, incredible writing, hard-earned healing, unforgettable chemistry, and a happily ever after you'll question right up until the very end—please pick this book up. It's one I'll be thinking about for a very long time.
Carmen Wilder's writing is absolutely stunning. I highlighted so many passages because there were lines that I knew I wanted to come back to again and again. Every character, every conversation, every emotion felt intentional. This story is beautifully layered, incredibly nuanced, and so grounded in reality that I couldn't put it down.
The story moves between Rhys and Jamie's pasts and the present, and it was such an effective storytelling choice. Instead of revealing everything at once, Carmen slowly peels back the layers of who these characters are, allowing the reader to understand how their pasts shaped the people they've become.
Rhys and Jamie are both beautifully complex characters carrying wounds that run deep. Jamie is the captain of the college hockey team, while Rhys transfers in for his senior year under mysterious circumstances. Their first interactions are full of tension, and while they seem to dislike each other on the surface, it's obvious there's something much deeper simmering underneath.
As more of their histories are revealed, it becomes impossible not to empathize with both of them. Jamie frustrated me so many times, but I also understood him. He hides behind control and isolation because that's all he's ever known. Growing up with an abusive father who convinced him hockey was the only thing that mattered left him believing there was no room for love in his life. At least not the kind of love he wanted. The scenes where he watches Jonah with his dad, quietly longing for that same unconditional love, absolutely shattered my heart. He genuinely believed loving someone would cost him everything, so he kept pushing Rhys away.
And then there's sweet Rhys. Oh, my heart. More than anything, he just wanted someone to choose him. What happened to him at his previous school was heartbreaking, especially knowing he had to carry that pain alone. Yet somehow, he never let it harden him. He still allowed himself to hope for love. At first, I was terrified Jamie was going to become him repeating the same mistake from his past, but then Rhys listed all the ways Jamie was different, and I completely melted. He saw through every wall Jamie had built and understood the person hiding behind them. Watching him choose vulnerability again, despite everything he'd been through, was one of the most beautiful parts of the book. And Chapter 41? It absolutely wrecked me. Seeing them both finally lay everything on the table and fully open their hearts to each other was worth every ounce of angst.
What I loved most was how honest this story felt. Healing isn't linear, and people don't simply move on from years of trauma because they fall in love with someone. Carmen Wilder gave these characters the time, patience, and grace they needed to work through their fears, and because of that, every breakthrough felt earned. Jamie's reluctance to embrace what he felt for Rhys was frustrating at times, but it also felt completely authentic. He didn't know what healthy love looked like or that he was allowed to pursue it. He truly believed choosing love (especially loving another man) would ruin his life and his dreams of playing pro hockey. This book had me feeling everything—anger, frustration, heartbreak, hope, and so much empathy for these two broken boys.
And then there's the spice... absolute perfection. That's all I'm going to say is mouthguard. If you know, you know. Their chemistry was incredible, balancing tenderness, vulnerability, and scorching attraction so effortlessly.
My only complaint? I wanted more. After everything these two fought through, I wasn't ready to let them go. I would have happily read another hundred pages of them simply living their happily ever after.
If you're looking for a hockey romance that's so much more than hockey—a story with beautifully broken characters, emotional depth, incredible writing, hard-earned healing, unforgettable chemistry, and a happily ever after you'll question right up until the very end—please pick this book up. It's one I'll be thinking about for a very long time.
September 5, 2026
3⭐️
"I spent years thinking if I worked harder he'd love me. I thought if I won enough. If I was tougher. If I never complained. If I gave him exactly what he wanted, eventually he'd love me, but he didn't and now you're standing here asking me to do something I've never seen done right. I've never had it. I've never watched two people choose each other and stay. I wish he had loved me, Rhys. I wish he had loved me enough to teach me how. I wish I was better at this. I wish I knew what to say. I wish I wasn't so fucking scared all the time. I wish I was stronger for you. But I'm trying. God, I'm trying. Please believe me, this is me trying."
This book started off really strong. I was actually enjoying it a lot. I like hot-headed characters,and Rhys and Jamie definitely had that vibe. But the constant back-and-forth just became exhausting. They'd take five or one step forward and then somehow take fifteen steps back.They literally don't even get together, like REALLY together until the EPILOGUE because Jamie spends basically the entire book dealing with his trauma, only to finally resolve it in the LAST chapter of the book.
"I don't always say the right thing. I know that. I know I have a hard time saying what I mean. What I feel. But I showed up yesterday and I'm showing up now and I'll show up tomorrow. I need you to know that."
I keep saying this, and I probably always will: If you're going to give me almost 400 pages of your characters being toxic, hurting each other, being fine one minute and then fighting the next, give me at least some chapters to see them actually being together in a more HEALTHY way. Don't just show me bits of it in the epilogue and call it a day.
"I spent years thinking if I worked harder he'd love me. I thought if I won enough. If I was tougher. If I never complained. If I gave him exactly what he wanted, eventually he'd love me, but he didn't and now you're standing here asking me to do something I've never seen done right. I've never had it. I've never watched two people choose each other and stay. I wish he had loved me, Rhys. I wish he had loved me enough to teach me how. I wish I was better at this. I wish I knew what to say. I wish I wasn't so fucking scared all the time. I wish I was stronger for you. But I'm trying. God, I'm trying. Please believe me, this is me trying."
This book started off really strong. I was actually enjoying it a lot. I like hot-headed characters,and Rhys and Jamie definitely had that vibe. But the constant back-and-forth just became exhausting. They'd take five or one step forward and then somehow take fifteen steps back.They literally don't even get together, like REALLY together until the EPILOGUE because Jamie spends basically the entire book dealing with his trauma, only to finally resolve it in the LAST chapter of the book.
"I don't always say the right thing. I know that. I know I have a hard time saying what I mean. What I feel. But I showed up yesterday and I'm showing up now and I'll show up tomorrow. I need you to know that."
I keep saying this, and I probably always will: If you're going to give me almost 400 pages of your characters being toxic, hurting each other, being fine one minute and then fighting the next, give me at least some chapters to see them actually being together in a more HEALTHY way. Don't just show me bits of it in the epilogue and call it a day.
July 28, 2026
You write like Taylor Swift writes her lyrics, it’s not a compliment btw.
July 19, 2026
“Do you not feel that? Being around you—it’s like I’m on fire.
My blood’s fucking boiling.
You make me feel like I’m losing my mind just by standing next to me.”
YESSS 🫨
THAT’S what I was waiting for ever since I finished Blue !!
Carmen got me so high on the emotions in it, on her writing, that I opened Still the second it was released, squirming like a madwoman 🤯
I really loved that she took her time building the characters, the setting, slowly pulling us into the world they live in. It felt like a deeper dive into personalities before any things happen, explaining their backstories and the reasoning behind their actions. But I would not call it slow burn per se, because the tension is there the entire time.
And omigod the tension 🥵
So many tiny, delicious moments that make you FEEEL everything.
I literally couldn't sit, lie, or stand straight!!
And at first I almost missed those ridiculously addictive 4-5 word lines of Blue , when they started coming in the emotionally charged moments. It wasn't exactly the same, but it hit just as hard. Her way of writing is downright intoxicating, I swear there’s something in it as it is, and then she does this trick with short abrupt lines and makes it even stronger! It’s like my heart was somewhere in my throat the entire time 🫨
And I guess I'm just a stupidly straight woman because apparently I couldn't get enough of these men describing their gym routine 🫠 I wasn’t supposed to die from self-combustion though 🙃
So our babies, Rhys and Jamie 🥹
They are both so hurt, but in such different ways. Rhys is literal sunshine - open, out, funny - while carrying so much pain inside.
Jamie is the definition of control, slowly drowning under everything his father put him through. His actions probably won’t make sense almost the entire time, but I am a firm believer that we don't get to judge how people survive their trauma.
“I was eleven years old and I was learning the most important thing anyone would ever teach me. Want nothing. Show nothing. Be nothing anyone can see. Be still. Be still. Be still.”
The push and pull was insane. The enemies to lovers done deliciously 🥵 The chemistry, the banter, the tension - perfection!! I have zero remarks here.
And while I loved Rhys and Jamie, I am not sorry to say that I very much need a Blake in my life. He is one of those amazing side characters you end up loving same as you do MCs.
I loved every second.
At this point I think Carmen's books are just wired directly into whatever emotional control panel I have. All of my strings, buttons - whatever I've got in my chest - all got a thorough workout with this one 🩵
My blood’s fucking boiling.
You make me feel like I’m losing my mind just by standing next to me.”
YESSS 🫨
THAT’S what I was waiting for ever since I finished Blue !!
Carmen got me so high on the emotions in it, on her writing, that I opened Still the second it was released, squirming like a madwoman 🤯
I really loved that she took her time building the characters, the setting, slowly pulling us into the world they live in. It felt like a deeper dive into personalities before any things happen, explaining their backstories and the reasoning behind their actions. But I would not call it slow burn per se, because the tension is there the entire time.
And omigod the tension 🥵
So many tiny, delicious moments that make you FEEEL everything.
I literally couldn't sit, lie, or stand straight!!
And at first I almost missed those ridiculously addictive 4-5 word lines of Blue , when they started coming in the emotionally charged moments. It wasn't exactly the same, but it hit just as hard. Her way of writing is downright intoxicating, I swear there’s something in it as it is, and then she does this trick with short abrupt lines and makes it even stronger! It’s like my heart was somewhere in my throat the entire time 🫨
And I guess I'm just a stupidly straight woman because apparently I couldn't get enough of these men describing their gym routine 🫠 I wasn’t supposed to die from self-combustion though 🙃
So our babies, Rhys and Jamie 🥹
They are both so hurt, but in such different ways. Rhys is literal sunshine - open, out, funny - while carrying so much pain inside.
Jamie is the definition of control, slowly drowning under everything his father put him through. His actions probably won’t make sense almost the entire time, but I am a firm believer that we don't get to judge how people survive their trauma.
“I was eleven years old and I was learning the most important thing anyone would ever teach me. Want nothing. Show nothing. Be nothing anyone can see. Be still. Be still. Be still.”
The push and pull was insane. The enemies to lovers done deliciously 🥵 The chemistry, the banter, the tension - perfection!! I have zero remarks here.
And while I loved Rhys and Jamie, I am not sorry to say that I very much need a Blake in my life. He is one of those amazing side characters you end up loving same as you do MCs.
I loved every second.
At this point I think Carmen's books are just wired directly into whatever emotional control panel I have. All of my strings, buttons - whatever I've got in my chest - all got a thorough workout with this one 🩵
July 19, 2026
Rhys and Jamie oh how I love these guys.
Their story had me hooked from the beginning and didn't let up.
They both carried so much emotional trauma from their past and they fought like hell to deal with that trauma and get their HEA.
This author gives you everything in this book, you get the tension, the yearning, the laughter, the tears, and of course the spice.
It was definitely a roller-coaster of a story in the best way possible.
The moments when Jamie would get out of his head and just let himself be with Rhys emotionally and physically were my favorites especially the little moments like a simple kiss on top of his head or the hand holding for the first time walking to the rink.
Also the mouth guard moment ugh my heart because that was perfect and hot lol.
Ugh, it was just perfect. I would definitely recommend this story as a favorite of mine.
Their story had me hooked from the beginning and didn't let up.
They both carried so much emotional trauma from their past and they fought like hell to deal with that trauma and get their HEA.
This author gives you everything in this book, you get the tension, the yearning, the laughter, the tears, and of course the spice.
It was definitely a roller-coaster of a story in the best way possible.
The moments when Jamie would get out of his head and just let himself be with Rhys emotionally and physically were my favorites especially the little moments like a simple kiss on top of his head or the hand holding for the first time walking to the rink.
Also the mouth guard moment ugh my heart because that was perfect and hot lol.
Ugh, it was just perfect. I would definitely recommend this story as a favorite of mine.
July 20, 2026
3⭐️
This book was heavy. It was so emotionally exhausting to read at times 😭💔
Honestly, one of the only things that consistently made me happy was Blake. He was hands down my favorite character 🥹💓 He was always there for Rhys through everything, supporting him, protecting him, and loving him unconditionally. Their friendship was honestly my favorite relationship in the whole book. Blake really is Best Friend of the Year 🥹💕
Now… Jamie. 😭
I know he has a lot of trauma because of his father, and I truly understand why he struggled. But watching him hurt Rhys over and over again was so frustrating. Rhys had already been through bullying, humiliation, physical abuse, betrayal… and then Jamie kept adding to that pain. The moment that hurt me the most was when Rhys’s old team humiliated him again and Jamie just stood there instead of defending him 💔 that was so hard to read.
And don’t even get me started on the fact that Jamie only really chose Rhys at 96% of the book 😭 like… NOW you wake up?? Better late than never, I guess 💀
That being said, they did have some really sweet moments together, and once Jamie finally let his walls down, I genuinely enjoyed them as a couple. They both had so much healing to do, and it definitely wasn’t an easy journey.
Overall, I did enjoy the book, but Jamie made this such a frustrating read at times. Blake, on the other hand, was the real MVP and absolutely stole my heart 🥹💓
This book was heavy. It was so emotionally exhausting to read at times 😭💔
Honestly, one of the only things that consistently made me happy was Blake. He was hands down my favorite character 🥹💓 He was always there for Rhys through everything, supporting him, protecting him, and loving him unconditionally. Their friendship was honestly my favorite relationship in the whole book. Blake really is Best Friend of the Year 🥹💕
Now… Jamie. 😭
I know he has a lot of trauma because of his father, and I truly understand why he struggled. But watching him hurt Rhys over and over again was so frustrating. Rhys had already been through bullying, humiliation, physical abuse, betrayal… and then Jamie kept adding to that pain. The moment that hurt me the most was when Rhys’s old team humiliated him again and Jamie just stood there instead of defending him 💔 that was so hard to read.
And don’t even get me started on the fact that Jamie only really chose Rhys at 96% of the book 😭 like… NOW you wake up?? Better late than never, I guess 💀
That being said, they did have some really sweet moments together, and once Jamie finally let his walls down, I genuinely enjoyed them as a couple. They both had so much healing to do, and it definitely wasn’t an easy journey.
Overall, I did enjoy the book, but Jamie made this such a frustrating read at times. Blake, on the other hand, was the real MVP and absolutely stole my heart 🥹💓
June 18, 2026
EARLY READER/BETA REVIEW
✨Rating: 5 ⭐️'s
🫧Vibes: MM Romance, Hockey, (In my opinion for Jamie) Found Family
💕Favorite Quotes: •"Be a good boy and wear that for me tonight."
•"I want you everywhere, Rhys."
•"I actually love the way you never ever shut up."
Would I recommend: YESS, 10 out 10, highly recommend!
💭Thoughts: I have only read a handful of MM books, but this one hit differently. The fact that both Rhys and Jamie had struggles but their struggles were so different from one another, it left you wanting to know why they had them and why those struggles made them so uniquely them. I absolutely LOVED Rhys from the very beginning. I can honestly say there wasn't a single moment that I thought.....Nah, he is getting on my nerves right now or come on, are you kidding me, do better. He was absolute perfection from the first time I read his name to the final period in the book. And let's be honest, who doesn't love a good bad boy with tattoos and a killer smirk. Bonus that he plays hockey and is smart. Jamie took me a bit more to warm up to. Not that I didn't like him because I am one that when I read I always think, hmmmm what is their back story to make them the way they are. And with the flashbacks that were sprinkled in, it gave you just enough insight into both of their pasts that made you completely understand them. Both backstories are heartbreaking but for two completely opposite reasons. However, if you really think about it, they are very similar in the wanting to be loved aspect.
This book teaches you that love can be loud and quiet and both are ok. To always stand up for your person. That you can get through your past with the right people in your corner. That when you have the right friends, they will be happy for you. That throwing hands is ok when you are doing it to defend Rhys lol. And wearing someone else's mouth guard is what the readers are here for!!!
Honorable mention: Rhys's best friend Blake, is my favorite side character in this book. I absolutely loved their back and forth and how he was always there for Rhys in whatever capacity was needed at the time. I loved how he was able to read Rhys's moods and was always in his corner no matter what. I need Blake as my best friend too. The Blake's of the world are hard to find.
Thank you for the Beta copy Carmen and I can't wait for more of your books to come!
**ALSO....Don't change anything! 💋
✨Rating: 5 ⭐️'s
🫧Vibes: MM Romance, Hockey, (In my opinion for Jamie) Found Family
💕Favorite Quotes: •"Be a good boy and wear that for me tonight."
•"I want you everywhere, Rhys."
•"I actually love the way you never ever shut up."
Would I recommend: YESS, 10 out 10, highly recommend!
💭Thoughts: I have only read a handful of MM books, but this one hit differently. The fact that both Rhys and Jamie had struggles but their struggles were so different from one another, it left you wanting to know why they had them and why those struggles made them so uniquely them. I absolutely LOVED Rhys from the very beginning. I can honestly say there wasn't a single moment that I thought.....Nah, he is getting on my nerves right now or come on, are you kidding me, do better. He was absolute perfection from the first time I read his name to the final period in the book. And let's be honest, who doesn't love a good bad boy with tattoos and a killer smirk. Bonus that he plays hockey and is smart. Jamie took me a bit more to warm up to. Not that I didn't like him because I am one that when I read I always think, hmmmm what is their back story to make them the way they are. And with the flashbacks that were sprinkled in, it gave you just enough insight into both of their pasts that made you completely understand them. Both backstories are heartbreaking but for two completely opposite reasons. However, if you really think about it, they are very similar in the wanting to be loved aspect.
This book teaches you that love can be loud and quiet and both are ok. To always stand up for your person. That you can get through your past with the right people in your corner. That when you have the right friends, they will be happy for you. That throwing hands is ok when you are doing it to defend Rhys lol. And wearing someone else's mouth guard is what the readers are here for!!!
Honorable mention: Rhys's best friend Blake, is my favorite side character in this book. I absolutely loved their back and forth and how he was always there for Rhys in whatever capacity was needed at the time. I loved how he was able to read Rhys's moods and was always in his corner no matter what. I need Blake as my best friend too. The Blake's of the world are hard to find.
Thank you for the Beta copy Carmen and I can't wait for more of your books to come!
**ALSO....Don't change anything! 💋
July 20, 2026
Third book by this author, and finally able to finish one. The writing is horrible, with nauseating prose and choppy sentences, which made it difficult to connect with the characters. I'm happy I finished it. I won't be reading any more from this author. I don't understand the hype on TikTok.
July 18, 2026
4.25 ⭐️ 1.25 🌶️
Wellll damn..hello to you too friend! Going into this blind was honestly so great because knowing nothing made this journey SPECTACULAR my friends! 😍😍😍
THE TENSION IN HERE WAS SO PALPABLE I STARTED CRACKING DAD JOKES TO MY KINDLE CAUSE WHAT THE FUCK BRO?! Now when I tell you all the history and healing is fucking insane…ITS INSANE!!! 🙂↕️
Like the way these two broken boys were in such tatters and then deep in their feelings of trauma and strife only to find their match and jaggedly heal together! ITS MY THERAPISTS SELF WET FUCKING DREAM!! 😩 I could see the effects of their past in everything they did and believed..Rhys is sooo precious but JAIME! GOD JAIME WAS EVERYTHING FOR ME! The weight of his whole life on his shoulders while still desperate for a sense of validation and seeking answer was just 😭😭😭 JUST SAY YOU HATE ME CARMEN!!
I do wish we got more of Jaime’s backstory as we did Rhys but damn did the time jumping work here so welll! And also paced out the big moment for Rhys a bit more to fully complete his story more deliciously. But damn, I was constantly itching for more with every step 🥹
These characters ABSOLUTELY lovable once you get past how much they hate each other! The spice- oh god it’s goood! BUT THE HEALING! ITS THE HEALING FOR ME FOLKS!!! 🥹
Wellll damn..hello to you too friend! Going into this blind was honestly so great because knowing nothing made this journey SPECTACULAR my friends! 😍😍😍
THE TENSION IN HERE WAS SO PALPABLE I STARTED CRACKING DAD JOKES TO MY KINDLE CAUSE WHAT THE FUCK BRO?! Now when I tell you all the history and healing is fucking insane…ITS INSANE!!! 🙂↕️
Like the way these two broken boys were in such tatters and then deep in their feelings of trauma and strife only to find their match and jaggedly heal together! ITS MY THERAPISTS SELF WET FUCKING DREAM!! 😩 I could see the effects of their past in everything they did and believed..Rhys is sooo precious but JAIME! GOD JAIME WAS EVERYTHING FOR ME! The weight of his whole life on his shoulders while still desperate for a sense of validation and seeking answer was just 😭😭😭 JUST SAY YOU HATE ME CARMEN!!
I do wish we got more of Jaime’s backstory as we did Rhys but damn did the time jumping work here so welll! And also paced out the big moment for Rhys a bit more to fully complete his story more deliciously. But damn, I was constantly itching for more with every step 🥹
These characters ABSOLUTELY lovable once you get past how much they hate each other! The spice- oh god it’s goood! BUT THE HEALING! ITS THE HEALING FOR ME FOLKS!!! 🥹
June 23, 2026
You ever read a book and you just know it’s going to stay with you for a long long time yeah this is it! I went through so many damn emotions and I flooded Carmen’s TikTok inbox and it was so fun to see her react to my freak outs
We have Jamie and Rhys first off they need hugs for their individual trauma like I’ve never wanted someone to die more than Jamie’s dad and I’ve never wanted to hit someone more than Marcus!
Rhys slowly but surely tried to break down Jamie’s walls but his dad was so ingrained in his mind that it was nearly impossible
But when he did let go and we get those hot and sweet moments when he was able to just be with Rhys was worth the agony!
Finally finding out why Rhys was transferred was horrible I mean I knew it was going to be bad but yeah it was absolutely horrible and Marcus just stood by and let it happen like how dare you make us like you with the underwater scene and then do this like screw you!!
The mouthguard scene you would think yucky but my goodness gracious it was the hottest thing LOL like that is not going out of my kind anytime soon
When Jamie took Rhys to his room to comfort him because Marcus was coming for a game yeah one of my favourite scenes
They needed to have a talk so when they did her the phone after Blake talked to Jamie was so heartbreaking for both of them because of what they went through
But what hurt when they were at the bar and Jamie didn’t say anything and Rhys left because it was too much
But that declaration when Rhys got out of the sin bin and Jamie was benched Rhys wearing Jamie’s number; Jamie telling Marcus that Rhys was his!!
This book put me through it truly but I wouldn’t change a thing because the hea was earned
They chose each other Rhys went with Jamie when he was drafted and they just get to be happy!
We have Jamie and Rhys first off they need hugs for their individual trauma like I’ve never wanted someone to die more than Jamie’s dad and I’ve never wanted to hit someone more than Marcus!
Rhys slowly but surely tried to break down Jamie’s walls but his dad was so ingrained in his mind that it was nearly impossible
But when he did let go and we get those hot and sweet moments when he was able to just be with Rhys was worth the agony!
Finally finding out why Rhys was transferred was horrible I mean I knew it was going to be bad but yeah it was absolutely horrible and Marcus just stood by and let it happen like how dare you make us like you with the underwater scene and then do this like screw you!!
The mouthguard scene you would think yucky but my goodness gracious it was the hottest thing LOL like that is not going out of my kind anytime soon
When Jamie took Rhys to his room to comfort him because Marcus was coming for a game yeah one of my favourite scenes
They needed to have a talk so when they did her the phone after Blake talked to Jamie was so heartbreaking for both of them because of what they went through
But what hurt when they were at the bar and Jamie didn’t say anything and Rhys left because it was too much
But that declaration when Rhys got out of the sin bin and Jamie was benched Rhys wearing Jamie’s number; Jamie telling Marcus that Rhys was his!!
This book put me through it truly but I wouldn’t change a thing because the hea was earned
They chose each other Rhys went with Jamie when he was drafted and they just get to be happy!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
![Profile Image for ♡Gabi♡ [grad school hiatus].](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/users/1784857563i/137459201._UX200_CR0,0,200,200_.jpg)
August 1, 2026
No bc I’m obsessed with Jamie and Rhys bye
July 20, 2026
Hopefully this review makes sense because this book was just a long frustrating climb to the top before being kicked in the back right off a cliff.
Nothing bothers me more when an author will describe certain things super in depth and then not describe other things. For example: she describes Jamie as sitting on a bench and then Rhys starts touching him and she’s describing certain movements that don’t make sense but eventually says they’re standing. That happened a lot and only go worse as the book went on. A lot of starting in one position them magically being in another. Another example: saying their full body is facing you but saying you see scars on his back. Not possible. So many instances like that that pulled me out of the book. Too many times I had to reread things because they started standing/sitting/lying then ended up in another position that is mentioned AFTER I was confused about what they were doing. Saying your cheek is on his chest but you feel his heartbeat on your back? HOW?!?! 😤
I’m a little confused by how things went at the beginning of the book. Rhys and Jamie didn’t like each other to the point it was effecting the team. So Jamie works with Rhys during practices and they slowly start bonding, then giving each other elevator eyes, and finally kiss. Jamie freaks out because of his past trauma and runs away. Two days later, Rhys confronts him at work. Really hounds him about the situation rather than just walking away (like he’s asked to SINCE JAMIE IS AT WORK). (Side note: no way in hell are you getting tuition reimbursement and special housing accommodations by working on the campus coffee shop which apparently he works at alone). Maybe it was the way I read it but it seemed like Rhys really pushed him too far and refused to step away getting himself punched in the face. Then he immediately runs to their coach and says Jamie punched him because he was gay. Didn’t even think that maybe Jamie was scared of his own sexuality? That’s what I thought and believe would be a fair assumption. Then they accidentally match on Grindr and Rhys decides he’s just going to use Jamie’s secret sexuality against him? Rhys makes the comment to himself about how he would never out anyone but 1)tried to out Jamie at his place of work when it was obvious Jamie was in deep denial/scared 2) threatens to weaponize Jamie’s secret sexuality. Rhys even admits to not having a good experience when he came out but he’s going to make it an awful experience for Jamie?
The meeting with Rhys, Jamie, and the coach was ridiculous. If it was a movie, it’d be the worst acting you’d ever seen. Then the mouth guard part…….1)mouth guards are formed to individual people so you can’t really share them 2) some how him sucking on a mouth guard for a game is crazier than jacking Rhys off but walking away before he finishes? What the hell is going on?!?!? Don’t worry, Jamie decides to almost blow a whole game not passing to Rhys until he finally gives and they score to win the game. Rhys later admits to treating Jamie like shit from the start because his ex was also the team Captain.
The bar scene where everyone including Jamie just watches Rhys get harassed by his ex-teammates…yeah those aren’t people who care about you. So disappointing and Rhys shouldn’t have forgiven Jamie for that. Jamie couldn’t even tell Blake that he’d never do that again. Then Rhys disappearing for 2 weeks 🙄 don’t worry, he waits a year to explain and apologize to Jamie. Just awful communication right to the end.
I actually bought this book because I enjoyed “Blue” so much. Wish I wouldn’t have. But I finished it despite my better judgement.
Nothing bothers me more when an author will describe certain things super in depth and then not describe other things. For example: she describes Jamie as sitting on a bench and then Rhys starts touching him and she’s describing certain movements that don’t make sense but eventually says they’re standing. That happened a lot and only go worse as the book went on. A lot of starting in one position them magically being in another. Another example: saying their full body is facing you but saying you see scars on his back. Not possible. So many instances like that that pulled me out of the book. Too many times I had to reread things because they started standing/sitting/lying then ended up in another position that is mentioned AFTER I was confused about what they were doing. Saying your cheek is on his chest but you feel his heartbeat on your back? HOW?!?! 😤
I’m a little confused by how things went at the beginning of the book. Rhys and Jamie didn’t like each other to the point it was effecting the team. So Jamie works with Rhys during practices and they slowly start bonding, then giving each other elevator eyes, and finally kiss. Jamie freaks out because of his past trauma and runs away. Two days later, Rhys confronts him at work. Really hounds him about the situation rather than just walking away (like he’s asked to SINCE JAMIE IS AT WORK). (Side note: no way in hell are you getting tuition reimbursement and special housing accommodations by working on the campus coffee shop which apparently he works at alone). Maybe it was the way I read it but it seemed like Rhys really pushed him too far and refused to step away getting himself punched in the face. Then he immediately runs to their coach and says Jamie punched him because he was gay. Didn’t even think that maybe Jamie was scared of his own sexuality? That’s what I thought and believe would be a fair assumption. Then they accidentally match on Grindr and Rhys decides he’s just going to use Jamie’s secret sexuality against him? Rhys makes the comment to himself about how he would never out anyone but 1)tried to out Jamie at his place of work when it was obvious Jamie was in deep denial/scared 2) threatens to weaponize Jamie’s secret sexuality. Rhys even admits to not having a good experience when he came out but he’s going to make it an awful experience for Jamie?
The meeting with Rhys, Jamie, and the coach was ridiculous. If it was a movie, it’d be the worst acting you’d ever seen. Then the mouth guard part…….1)mouth guards are formed to individual people so you can’t really share them 2) some how him sucking on a mouth guard for a game is crazier than jacking Rhys off but walking away before he finishes? What the hell is going on?!?!? Don’t worry, Jamie decides to almost blow a whole game not passing to Rhys until he finally gives and they score to win the game. Rhys later admits to treating Jamie like shit from the start because his ex was also the team Captain.
The bar scene where everyone including Jamie just watches Rhys get harassed by his ex-teammates…yeah those aren’t people who care about you. So disappointing and Rhys shouldn’t have forgiven Jamie for that. Jamie couldn’t even tell Blake that he’d never do that again. Then Rhys disappearing for 2 weeks 🙄 don’t worry, he waits a year to explain and apologize to Jamie. Just awful communication right to the end.
I actually bought this book because I enjoyed “Blue” so much. Wish I wouldn’t have. But I finished it despite my better judgement.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 24, 2026
ARC READ: Books like these make me so mad that just anyone can be a parent. These damaged boys with their effed up pasts make me want to wrap them up in cotton wool. This was a beautiful story of those boys overcoming and moving past their own history. The understanding they have for each other’s trauma was a point of difference in this story compared to others. Douche canoe 1 and douche canoe 2 got theirs in the end. There is no better revenge than happiness. Thank you for letting me ARC read this book. It was beautiful and heartbreaking and hopeful.
July 20, 2026
DNF @ 18%
Why exactly was the story so hellbent on making Jamie look like the bad guy for harping on Rhys for being late all the time? Even their freaking coach acted like Jamie was out of line when he benched Rhys for showing up THIRTY minutes late to a practice that the coach scheduled! What in the world? The least Rhys could've done was act ashamed over the repeated tardiness, but instead he's defiant and acting like he's done nothing wrong (when he clearly did).
Rhys: I'm late a lot.
Also Rhys: I don't like that Jamie looks like he's tired of dealing with me.
Yeah, of course. That's on Jamie to have enough patience to accommodate Rhys' BS.
Why was the story acting like Jamie was the person responsible for not making Rhys a center? Isn't that the coach's call?
I had to call it quits when the sentences started getting short and choppy. For whatever reason, chapter ten onwards WAY overuses sequential single line sentences. There were SO many that just interrupted the flow of the story and made things sound snappy for no good reason over and over again.
Page 57:
Not glaring.
Looking.
Different thing.
Very, very different thing.
Page 58:
Still.
I keep watching.
Not obviously.
Page 59:
But it's enough that I know.
Enough that my stomach tightens.
Enough that his eyes lift to mine.
Page 60:
Jamie drops his hand and I sit back.
Fine.
Okay.
Page 61:
I should leave it alone.
I don't. Obviously.
Page 61:
Not hard.
Not accidental either.
Not like he hated it.
My entire body goes still.
I could go on and on, but I'd end up quoting the entire chapter at that point. Chapter 11 ends up having the same issue, and I just gave up because it was really irritating. Explicitly separating sentences into their own lines emphasizes action because it points attention to something by breaking from the conventional structure. When it's done excessively, it's just distracting and takes away from whatever was actually happening. 1.5 stars I'm rounding down.
Why exactly was the story so hellbent on making Jamie look like the bad guy for harping on Rhys for being late all the time? Even their freaking coach acted like Jamie was out of line when he benched Rhys for showing up THIRTY minutes late to a practice that the coach scheduled! What in the world? The least Rhys could've done was act ashamed over the repeated tardiness, but instead he's defiant and acting like he's done nothing wrong (when he clearly did).
Rhys: I'm late a lot.
Also Rhys: I don't like that Jamie looks like he's tired of dealing with me.
Yeah, of course. That's on Jamie to have enough patience to accommodate Rhys' BS.
Why was the story acting like Jamie was the person responsible for not making Rhys a center? Isn't that the coach's call?
I had to call it quits when the sentences started getting short and choppy. For whatever reason, chapter ten onwards WAY overuses sequential single line sentences. There were SO many that just interrupted the flow of the story and made things sound snappy for no good reason over and over again.
Page 57:
Not glaring.
Looking.
Different thing.
Very, very different thing.
Page 58:
Still.
I keep watching.
Not obviously.
Page 59:
But it's enough that I know.
Enough that my stomach tightens.
Enough that his eyes lift to mine.
Page 60:
Jamie drops his hand and I sit back.
Fine.
Okay.
Page 61:
I should leave it alone.
I don't. Obviously.
Page 61:
Not hard.
Not accidental either.
Not like he hated it.
My entire body goes still.
I could go on and on, but I'd end up quoting the entire chapter at that point. Chapter 11 ends up having the same issue, and I just gave up because it was really irritating. Explicitly separating sentences into their own lines emphasizes action because it points attention to something by breaking from the conventional structure. When it's done excessively, it's just distracting and takes away from whatever was actually happening. 1.5 stars I'm rounding down.
July 22, 2026
Heartbreakingly beautiful
This is my first book by Carmen Wilder and I fell in love from page 1. This story was so beautiful. Usually when I read an enemies to lovers it’s more banter and spice but this book hit you with emotional punches from start to finish. The pain Rhys and Jamie went through separately was so much. They both were broken by different things but it both centered around them being themselves. The way they handled it was wildly different and it shows that everyone handles pain and trauma differently. Watching them come together and fight the pain, trauma and uncertainty to be there for each other was intense and beautiful. The way they love each other is poetic. These two boys burrowed their way into my heart and I will be thinking about their story for a long time. This was so heartbreakingly beautiful.
This is my first book by Carmen Wilder and I fell in love from page 1. This story was so beautiful. Usually when I read an enemies to lovers it’s more banter and spice but this book hit you with emotional punches from start to finish. The pain Rhys and Jamie went through separately was so much. They both were broken by different things but it both centered around them being themselves. The way they handled it was wildly different and it shows that everyone handles pain and trauma differently. Watching them come together and fight the pain, trauma and uncertainty to be there for each other was intense and beautiful. The way they love each other is poetic. These two boys burrowed their way into my heart and I will be thinking about their story for a long time. This was so heartbreakingly beautiful.
Read
July 3, 2026Woah. I don't even have words to describe the feelings I had reading this book. Still is so absolutely beautiful, so gut wrenching and raw and real. Jamie's pain and trauma is something he carried with him like armour, even when he knew deep down how damaging it was. I loved seeing him overcome this slowly. For Rhys. For himself. Seeing him come face to face with everything he was taught, seeing him sit with it and break free from years of conditioning so he could finally let himself be happy. It was everything. And yes, the pages did become blurry at some point.
"And I think — with a clarity that feels like the first clear thing I've thought in months — that I would rather lose everything I've ever built than watch Rhys finish this game alone while Marcus Hale gets to stand on the same ice as him and feel nothing.
I would rather lose everything.
That's the line I cross in my head, clean and irreversible, and once I cross it there's nothing left to weigh.
None of it.
Rhys is more.
Rhys is more than all of it.
Rhys is everything.
I choose Rhys."
This is the part where I had to sit for a minute and breathe through the tears. Happy tears this time. Because finally, finally, Jamie is living for someone other than his father.
The slow burn was so worth it because their trauma and pain is not something that could just be overcome in a few chapters. They both had to work through it and choose each other and although it was a hard won happy ending, it was worth it.
I loved every second of this book. Every minute I got to spend with Rhys and Jamie. I hope to meet them again someday. Maybe in a sequel? I'm holding out hope that this is not the last I've heard of my boys.
"And I think — with a clarity that feels like the first clear thing I've thought in months — that I would rather lose everything I've ever built than watch Rhys finish this game alone while Marcus Hale gets to stand on the same ice as him and feel nothing.
I would rather lose everything.
That's the line I cross in my head, clean and irreversible, and once I cross it there's nothing left to weigh.
None of it.
Rhys is more.
Rhys is more than all of it.
Rhys is everything.
I choose Rhys."
This is the part where I had to sit for a minute and breathe through the tears. Happy tears this time. Because finally, finally, Jamie is living for someone other than his father.
The slow burn was so worth it because their trauma and pain is not something that could just be overcome in a few chapters. They both had to work through it and choose each other and although it was a hard won happy ending, it was worth it.
I loved every second of this book. Every minute I got to spend with Rhys and Jamie. I hope to meet them again someday. Maybe in a sequel? I'm holding out hope that this is not the last I've heard of my boys.
July 20, 2026
Holy fuck 😭😭 Elsker Jamie og Rhys så sjukt mye… grein my heart out
June 23, 2026
Ok I’ll start with… I did get an ARC of this book. I saw a blurb on the authors tiktok a few weeks ago and just knew I needed to meet these boys….. honestly I finished this massive book in under 24 hours….. I love these two so much, it’s a must read, there is so much emotion and love and hurt and everything in these pages it was absolutely heartbreaking and so beautiful!!!
August 7, 2026
DNF @25%
Ok so I hated the writing so much that I AI checked a few chapters and guess what! It came out to be high AI usage. Look, even if the AI usage isn’t accurate.. the writing is just god awful.
A lot of other one star reviews stated what bothered me so I wont get into it, but yeah, very disappointed. This is what i get for listening to tiktok,
Ok so I hated the writing so much that I AI checked a few chapters and guess what! It came out to be high AI usage. Look, even if the AI usage isn’t accurate.. the writing is just god awful.
A lot of other one star reviews stated what bothered me so I wont get into it, but yeah, very disappointed. This is what i get for listening to tiktok,
June 16, 2026
Carmen is truly a one of a kind author. Her books capture so many emotions and always god tier reads. I cannot recommend her enough. This book made me laugh, kick my feet and cry and I could not have been happier to be able to read it
July 15, 2026
ARC REVIEW
Rhys has built a reputation as the unapologetic, loud-and-proud gay college hockey star.
What almost no one knows is that he had to flee his previous university after he was outed. A teammate caught him with Marcus, the captain of his hockey team and the man who had spent months telling Rhys he loved him.
The moment their secret became public Marcus threw Rhys to the wolves. Instead of standing beside him, he claimed Rhys had been making unwanted advances and that the whole relationship had been nothing more than a one-sided infatuation.
So… yeah. Rhys isn’t exactly eager to trust another hockey captain.
Enter Jamie Nash 😂😂😂
Captain of his new team. Deep, deep in the closet. So deep that his brain has decided the best way to deal with being attracted to Rhys is denial, anger, and a healthy dose of emotional panic 🙈
These two were an absolute angsty disaster. 😂
Rhys is terrified of being hurt again, while Jamie is battling years of shame and emotional abuse inflicted by his father. The difference between Jamie and Marcus is that Jamie doesn’t want to hide Rhys forever. He wants to love him openly he just has to fight through everything he’s been taught first.
Read this if you like:
✨ Hockey romance
✨ Closet drama and secret longing
✨ “I’m definitely not looking at him”… while staring across the locker room. 👀😂
✨ A captain who prides himself on always being in control… completely unraveling.
✨ Plenty of angst and just enough sweetness to keep your heart beating
✨ A well-earned HEA after they almost give you ten heart attacks.
Rhys has built a reputation as the unapologetic, loud-and-proud gay college hockey star.
What almost no one knows is that he had to flee his previous university after he was outed. A teammate caught him with Marcus, the captain of his hockey team and the man who had spent months telling Rhys he loved him.
The moment their secret became public Marcus threw Rhys to the wolves. Instead of standing beside him, he claimed Rhys had been making unwanted advances and that the whole relationship had been nothing more than a one-sided infatuation.
So… yeah. Rhys isn’t exactly eager to trust another hockey captain.
Enter Jamie Nash 😂😂😂
Captain of his new team. Deep, deep in the closet. So deep that his brain has decided the best way to deal with being attracted to Rhys is denial, anger, and a healthy dose of emotional panic 🙈
These two were an absolute angsty disaster. 😂
Rhys is terrified of being hurt again, while Jamie is battling years of shame and emotional abuse inflicted by his father. The difference between Jamie and Marcus is that Jamie doesn’t want to hide Rhys forever. He wants to love him openly he just has to fight through everything he’s been taught first.
Read this if you like:
✨ Hockey romance
✨ Closet drama and secret longing
✨ “I’m definitely not looking at him”… while staring across the locker room. 👀😂
✨ A captain who prides himself on always being in control… completely unraveling.
✨ Plenty of angst and just enough sweetness to keep your heart beating
✨ A well-earned HEA after they almost give you ten heart attacks.
July 29, 2026
✎Gosh this is how you write an emotional charged story about two hurt,broken and lonely boys who just happens to find solace in each other’s hearts and souls.
✎I love Rhys and Jamie so much,I love how real their struggles and pain was,how difficult their journey was,I love how imperfectly perfect they were as characters.Their fears,heartache,disappointment,guilt,failure,frustration,anger,sadness and pain,were so real that I felt them so deeply within me.
✎Rhys chose love,compassion,empathy,kindness and understanding,even after everything he went through,even after knowing what happened when he chose to open up the first time,he still chose to live his authentic,non apologetic and sincere self.He’s like a rock that cannot be more or broken no matter how much it gets hammered,his strength is admirable and his love is truly an incredible gift to have.
✎Jamie is hard on the surface,wears a shield around his authentic self because the one person who was supposed to love him saw love in his eyes and decided this type of love is not something beautiful and decided to destroy it and in doing so they also destroyed his ability to exist as himself,the broke down his heart,joy,love and happiness and build a wall of calculation,fear,guilt and shame wrapped in a bow of trauma and now he has to unlearn all of this in order to love the boy of his dreams.
✎I love the emotional profundity of this story,I admire the way the journey to self acceptance was written,the slow burn that makes the emotional process more satisfying,the hurt comfort that allowed vulnerability to exist between two people who knows what it means to be betrayed and hurt by someone who was supposed to protect you,love the respect the two characters had for each other even when they couldn’t see eye to eye and most of all I love how open the characters were with each other.
✎I love Rhys and Jamie so much,I love how real their struggles and pain was,how difficult their journey was,I love how imperfectly perfect they were as characters.Their fears,heartache,disappointment,guilt,failure,frustration,anger,sadness and pain,were so real that I felt them so deeply within me.
✎Rhys chose love,compassion,empathy,kindness and understanding,even after everything he went through,even after knowing what happened when he chose to open up the first time,he still chose to live his authentic,non apologetic and sincere self.He’s like a rock that cannot be more or broken no matter how much it gets hammered,his strength is admirable and his love is truly an incredible gift to have.
✎Jamie is hard on the surface,wears a shield around his authentic self because the one person who was supposed to love him saw love in his eyes and decided this type of love is not something beautiful and decided to destroy it and in doing so they also destroyed his ability to exist as himself,the broke down his heart,joy,love and happiness and build a wall of calculation,fear,guilt and shame wrapped in a bow of trauma and now he has to unlearn all of this in order to love the boy of his dreams.
✎I love the emotional profundity of this story,I admire the way the journey to self acceptance was written,the slow burn that makes the emotional process more satisfying,the hurt comfort that allowed vulnerability to exist between two people who knows what it means to be betrayed and hurt by someone who was supposed to protect you,love the respect the two characters had for each other even when they couldn’t see eye to eye and most of all I love how open the characters were with each other.
July 21, 2026
Girl, im telling you I wasnt sure to read this cause it didnt have enough reviews but im very happy i did.
Rhys. HELLOUUUU? The banter, baby. I just loved the charachters so much, even the secondary ones. Rhys and Jamie have my whole heart istg. They were CUTE but like before coming to that they had to fight a lot.
Really likes that they both had their trauma but was so different and valid at the same time.
I love a good charachter development, Jamie had it very difficult and he still was trying. Also liked that Rhys wasnt naïve after Marcus, that he had his limits with Jamie cause he knew how the story could end. Idk just thought it was realistic.
The MICROTROPES.
- “sir” IM SORRY WHAT? wasnt expecting that.
- Choking
- Fighting on the ice for him
- Getting to it in the lockers or the showers
- The dirty talk of both of them
I wasnt actually sure how the sexual dinamic would be cause i saw dom traits on both of them so i was confused, only to find out they changed the role every time 😝😝.
Also, I thought we were going to know more about Rhys family like wdym i finished the book and still dont know how his uncle died. I also suspected his parents were dead or maybe addicts but i still DONT KNOW. Like hellou?
Loved Blake, hope he has a book even though hes allegedly straight. And Coop or Ben or Kowalski, you have to tell me theyre gay.
Sorry if i wrote something bad, english is not my first language.
PD: Wish the author would have put This is me trying by taylor swift for chapter 48 (the phone call).
Rhys. HELLOUUUU? The banter, baby. I just loved the charachters so much, even the secondary ones. Rhys and Jamie have my whole heart istg. They were CUTE but like before coming to that they had to fight a lot.
Really likes that they both had their trauma but was so different and valid at the same time.
I love a good charachter development, Jamie had it very difficult and he still was trying. Also liked that Rhys wasnt naïve after Marcus, that he had his limits with Jamie cause he knew how the story could end. Idk just thought it was realistic.
The MICROTROPES.
- “sir” IM SORRY WHAT? wasnt expecting that.
- Choking
- Fighting on the ice for him
- Getting to it in the lockers or the showers
- The dirty talk of both of them
I wasnt actually sure how the sexual dinamic would be cause i saw dom traits on both of them so i was confused, only to find out they changed the role every time 😝😝.
Also, I thought we were going to know more about Rhys family like wdym i finished the book and still dont know how his uncle died. I also suspected his parents were dead or maybe addicts but i still DONT KNOW. Like hellou?
Loved Blake, hope he has a book even though hes allegedly straight. And Coop or Ben or Kowalski, you have to tell me theyre gay.
Sorry if i wrote something bad, english is not my first language.
PD: Wish the author would have put This is me trying by taylor swift for chapter 48 (the phone call).
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 22, 2026
Jamie & Rhys 😩
Carmen Wilder... what have you done to me?
This was—and I mean this was—such a beautiful story. So beautifully written.
That ending? The satisfaction I felt reading it? It woke every emotion inside me. Anger. Heartache. Laughter. And, of course, endless swooning.
These characters were so incredibly well developed that I honestly feel like I know them.
Rhys... oh my God, Rhys. 🥹 He broke my damn heart. Such a beautiful soul. All he'd ever wanted was to be chosen. To be loved. For someone to stay.
And Jamie... sweet soul. All he wanted was to be loved softly. To be held with kindness. Argh. They were so perfect together.
This book...
I'll love and cherish it forever.
It will be one of my forever favorites.
There wasn't a single thing I didn't love about it.
From the very first page, I was hooked. The pining. The slow burn. The longing. It was absolute madness—but every ache, every setback, and every battle made the ending that much sweeter.
I'd recommend this book over and over again.
P.S. This revived my reader's soul. It reached into my reading slump, grabbed me by the hand, and pulled me right out of it.
Well done. 🤍📖
Carmen Wilder... what have you done to me?
This was—and I mean this was—such a beautiful story. So beautifully written.
That ending? The satisfaction I felt reading it? It woke every emotion inside me. Anger. Heartache. Laughter. And, of course, endless swooning.
These characters were so incredibly well developed that I honestly feel like I know them.
Rhys... oh my God, Rhys. 🥹 He broke my damn heart. Such a beautiful soul. All he'd ever wanted was to be chosen. To be loved. For someone to stay.
And Jamie... sweet soul. All he wanted was to be loved softly. To be held with kindness. Argh. They were so perfect together.
This book...
I'll love and cherish it forever.
It will be one of my forever favorites.
There wasn't a single thing I didn't love about it.
From the very first page, I was hooked. The pining. The slow burn. The longing. It was absolute madness—but every ache, every setback, and every battle made the ending that much sweeter.
I'd recommend this book over and over again.
P.S. This revived my reader's soul. It reached into my reading slump, grabbed me by the hand, and pulled me right out of it.
Well done. 🤍📖
August 29, 2026
The pacing is all over the place. The story doesn’t always make sense. But I really loved Jamie and Rhys.
June 23, 2026
Jamie & Rhys are both broken boys.
One has been ab*sed and the other one bullied after being outted.
Jamie needs order and peace and control.
Rhys is loud and open.
They hate what the other one represents. They barely show respect for each other. Rhys is making sure to push every single button.
Jamie is loosing control one interaction at the time.
The story is about building ourself back together and letting someone else in.
Ok Rhys pissed me off too at the beginning. Why to push Jamie this way?
The coffee shop scene… Rhys was for me out of line. Jamie asked him so many times to let it go. To leave him alone. Rhys just kept pressuring him, forcing him to come out in a public place. At his work place.
Violence is not good but I would have slapped him too 🥴.
Yet with time their story becomes more and more beautiful.
Rhys vulnerability & sweetness & need to be loved fully was emotional.
To see the protective side of Jamie was so important. He thought so much he was the product of his father when he actually was the total opposite, without noticing it.
So why not 5 stars?
TBH sometimes the flow of the story threw me off a bit.
BUT the banter between the guys or just between the team made up for everything!
I will need a book for each side character x)
One has been ab*sed and the other one bullied after being outted.
Jamie needs order and peace and control.
Rhys is loud and open.
They hate what the other one represents. They barely show respect for each other. Rhys is making sure to push every single button.
Jamie is loosing control one interaction at the time.
The story is about building ourself back together and letting someone else in.
Ok Rhys pissed me off too at the beginning. Why to push Jamie this way?
The coffee shop scene… Rhys was for me out of line. Jamie asked him so many times to let it go. To leave him alone. Rhys just kept pressuring him, forcing him to come out in a public place. At his work place.
Violence is not good but I would have slapped him too 🥴.
Yet with time their story becomes more and more beautiful.
Rhys vulnerability & sweetness & need to be loved fully was emotional.
To see the protective side of Jamie was so important. He thought so much he was the product of his father when he actually was the total opposite, without noticing it.
So why not 5 stars?
TBH sometimes the flow of the story threw me off a bit.
BUT the banter between the guys or just between the team made up for everything!
I will need a book for each side character x)
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
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