Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women

by Christine B. Whelan

For years, it's been "common knowledge" that once a woman hits thirty, her chances of finding a husband diminish to the point of despair. That men are intimidated by a woman's career success, preferring docile helpmates to ambitious achievers. That women are biologically driven to seek a strong provider. That the higher a woman's IQ, the less likely she is to marry, let alone have babies...leaving single, successful women to ask Are men intimidated by smart women? In Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women , Christine B. Whelan shatters the myth that high-achieving women are at a disadvantage in the marriage market. There's good news for the millions of American SWANS (Strong Women Achievers, No Spouse): that today's smart, successful women marry at the same rates as all other women -- and that more income and education may in fact increase a woman's chances of marriage. What's more, as Dr. Whelan shows through newly released U.S. Census data, a large-scale Harris Interactive survey commissioned especially for this book, plus extended interviews conducted in cities nationwide, this profound demographic shift shows every sign of progressing. That means that the "success penalty" that has endured for generations is, as soon as 2010, destined for the history books. Accomplished daughters, sisters, and friends (not to mention their mothers) can finally stop worrying that the twin pinnacles of personal and professional happiness are inherently unattainable. In fact, smart men do marry SWANS. Ninety percent of high-achieving men surveyed want a woman who is as intelligent or more intelligent than they are. And two-thirds of men said they believed smart women make better mothers. Pairing cutting-edge research with sound advice, Dr. Whelan brings to mind what smart women everywhere have long known in their that the goal is not just to get married, but to have a good marriage, and to lead a fulfilled life.

Genres: Relationships

256 pages, Hardcover

First published October 3, 2006

Reviews

[Sarah Beth · Rating 2 out of 5]

In this work of non-fiction, author Christine Whelan sets out to prove that the common fact that older, more highly educated and successful women are less likely to marry is no longer true. This book argues that high-achieving women are not at a disadvantage in the marriage market and that today's smart, successful women actually marry at the same rate as other women.

On the surface, this book has all the ingredients for an effective work of non-fiction. Whelan commissioned a Harris Interactive survey of more than 3,700 Americans and interviewed over 100 individuals to gather data to bolster her claims. And the topic is certainly relevant as women outpace men in both undergraduate and graduate degrees and more women expect to be able to pursue a home and in light of the fact that on average most Americans are marrying later and having children later than in previous decades. Whelan's arguments are sound and are based on seemingly solid research. Furthermore, she points out serious flaws in other studies, such as the 2004 study that found that men would rather marry a woman who was a subordinate versus a superior or a peer. Whelan pointed out that this study was conducted on individuals born in 1921 and it's safe to say that much has changed since these men and women were in their prime dating years.

However, the very reduction of talented and impressive women to the base categories of married or not grated on me significantly. The extreme scrutiny of this book underscores the continuing emphasis that we have to marry by a certain age or we'll be reduced to seeking solace in such studies as the one Whelan has written, ones that give older single ladies "hope" that they too can achieve the 'ultimate' achievement of landing a man. I was irked by the focus of this book being on "SWANS" or "Strong Women Achievers, No Spouse" which seemed to play on the ugly duckling turning into a swan fairy tale, which seemed an insulting way to view these individuals. I also took issue with the phrasing of the title, which places the power in the man's hands. It's not solely up to the man who they marry; smart women also have the choice of who they marry. Finally, the author's headshot, which calls extravagant attention to her engagement ring really irritated me. It felt as if she was trying to use her own marital success as further proof that her arguments in her book are sound.

I was also deeply bothered by the many cavalier and insulting comments made by many of the "SWANS" that the author interviewed. One women admitted that she was fairly serious with her boyfriend but that if "an Indian guy comes along, it's the end of him" (124). That's a fairly awful way to treat your boyfriend - as an expendable place holder. Another woman interviewed says, "I'm going to have three boys by the time I'm 44 - who are actively involved in sports" (192). That's a bold claim; what will she do with daughters or un-athletic sons? My point is that (while certainly not for all of those interviewed) it seems as if part of the reason some of these women may not have married yet has less to do with their status as "SWANS" and more to do with their unreasonable expectations and callous treatment of others.

This book felt less like a researched base argument and more like the author's personal soap box, desperate to show that just because she and other women have Ph.Ds. doesn't mean they're less likely to get married. I fully believe she's right, but I take issue with the way she has conveyed thse findings to her readers.

[Iacob Cupcea · Rating 3 out of 5]

A lot of statistics stuff!

[TΞΞL❍CK Mith!lesh · Rating 5 out of 5]

For a long time scientists tried to prove that men prefer to marry weak women. In her book “Why smart men marry smart women”, Christine C. Whelan thoroughly debunks this myth and proves with statistics that successful, well educated, and high earning women do not marry less often than others.

And remember the advantages: A strong woman by your side will motivate you and won’t be dependent on you. You don’t need to worry about her and she won’t need your constant validation.

A weak person often tends to forget his or her own goals. These people don’t just prioritise the goals of their partners, they tend to co-opt them completely. This has been shown by a study by the University of British Columbia. You need a healthy combination of personal goals and the goals you pursue together.

[Meg · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found this book to be something that I hope would be true. Sadly, this book at times came off as condescending and was more common sense than anything. Also, repetitive, but all in all it was slightly entertaining. 3/5

[Angela · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book had some reassuring statistics in it for high-achieving women. However, it was not well-organized. The case studies and interviews were insightful but at times repetitive or disruptive to the text. It was a delightfully short read.

[Ceecee Su · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not sure if this book really need all the long pages or statistics but the stories /examples are somewhat entertaining.

[Jeanne]

....another library find that I had to check out

[Dinca Andreea diana]

A documented work about why educated, smart, career women have more chance to get married after 30, and why men are drawn mostly into those women, whom the author refers to as SWANS. Personally, I didn't enjoy it much, mostly because it contains too much statistics for me to digest; and puts an emphasis on feminism and how women nowadays have to be strong and TOO much of anything, sort of heroins who have to save men. I appreciate the idea of women being capable of dealing with life's responsabilities and facing hardships, staying strong and making good money, but the way the author puts it into perspective is a little...extreme, I guess.