It’s about an hour and a half past midnight. I sit on the paved terrace in front of my house and watch the low hills opposite me descend in serried ranks towards the coast. During the day they are grey, but, now, through the magical effect of night, they are shrouded in a mysterious bronze-green veil. Attached to the façade of virtually every house scattered across the nearby slopes is a bare neon tube, and from this distance they look like giant straw-coloured glowworms gnawing at the walls with gently undulating movements.
*
People who know me, and those who don’t, accuse me, not without a touch of envy, of being a recluse who doesn’t give a damn about anyone else; they say I have removed myself from all contact with the outside world in this sparsely populated western part of the island, not even allowing a telephone in my hermitage. In fact, my house is on a fairly busy main road, although there are no cars passing at this hour. If I step on it, in twenty minutes I can be in town, where I visit the supermarket frequently, the bookshop occasionally and the barber two or three times a year. And my lair can’t be that hard to find, because I get more visitors than I would like.
*
The night speaks to me. I listen to its sounds and try to decipher their message. I attempt to receive the faintest signals from those unfathomable depths of the universe where the darkness is eternal and the prehistory of all living matter lies hidden. I try to recall the history of everything that guides and influences me;
*
As I sit on my terrace, half-drunk and brooding on my solitude, the night is my black woman. In the embrace of her strong cinnamon arms I feel at once dominant and protected. Her ancient face has a rough beauty as inextinguishable as the wild north coast, with its rocky monuments carved out by sea and wind. Her eyes, wise but tired from her long vigil, gaze endlessly at a mysterious image, a compound of emptiness, mystery and long distances, that I will never fathom. How often, night after night, I have basked in her silken black embrace. The scent of her black woman’s body merges dream and reality, blurs the outlines of earthly things into insignificant shadows, and blots out the false world and its threats. I press my back against her huge breasts and when the warmth of her flesh transmits itself to my skin I can erase all scarring memories at a stroke. Then I caress her knees and full of gratitude call her the guardian of my drunken nights. And I ask her, although I know she will never reply: have I ever been happy?