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Moi, Pierre Seel, déporté homosexuel
C'est une voix devenue blanche qu'on entendra ici. Pierre Seel se souvient : la déportation dans les camps nazis, la torture et l'humiliation, puis l'enrôlement forcé - comme Alsacien - dans l'armée allemande, le front de l'Est, l'évasion et la capture par les Russes.
Mais il se souvient aussi de son retour de guerre : le mur de réprobation dressé devant lui, l'homosexualité inavouable, la décision de mener une existence « comme les autres », le mariage et la vie réglée.
Qu'aura-t-il fallu pour que, un beau jour d'avril 1982, il choisisse de briser cette apparence et pour que son long silence devienne un long combat pour la vérité ?
Dans le récit de cette vie rompue, on lira l'aveu poignant d'un homme qui voudrait, simplement, que justice lui soit enfin rendue.
Mais il se souvient aussi de son retour de guerre : le mur de réprobation dressé devant lui, l'homosexualité inavouable, la décision de mener une existence « comme les autres », le mariage et la vie réglée.
Qu'aura-t-il fallu pour que, un beau jour d'avril 1982, il choisisse de briser cette apparence et pour que son long silence devienne un long combat pour la vérité ?
Dans le récit de cette vie rompue, on lira l'aveu poignant d'un homme qui voudrait, simplement, que justice lui soit enfin rendue.
198 pages, Kindle Edition
First published April 1, 1994
37 people are currently reading
1950 people want to read
About the author
Pierre Seel
5 books3 followersPierre Seel was deported from France for homosexuality during World War II. In the 1980s, he began speaking out about his experiences.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 69 reviews
June 28, 2021
Rating: 4* of five
The Publisher Says: At the age of seventeen, in the arms of a thief, Pierre Seel felt his watch sliding off his wrist. So begins the astonishing chain of events that led to the Schirmeck-Vorbruch concentration camp, where Seel suffered unspeakable horrors for the sole "crime" of being a homosexual.The story of survival in the camps has been told many times, but Seel's is one of the only firsthand accounts of the Nazi roundup and deportation of homosexuals. For nearly forty years he kept his experiences -- including torture, humiliation, and witnessing the vicious murder of his lover at the hands of the Nazis -- a secret in order to cover up his homosexuality. He found a wife through a personal ad, married, and raised three children. "The Liberation", he writes, "was for others". Finally, haunted by his experiences and by the silence of others, he decided to bear witness to an aspect of the Holocaust rarely seen. As he noted, "If I do not speak, I will become the accomplice of my torturers". The result is a terrifying and heartbreaking memoir, extraordinary for its frankness and courage.
My Review: First, read this:
Horrible what Hate does to people, makes them bestial and vicious and base. Seel saw all of that, from his entry into the list of homosexuals kept by police to his arrest and deportation. Gay people in concentration camps were not accepted and cared for as were other prisoners, they were victimized by the others as well as the guards. Of course French society at that time was no more accepting of queers than it has ever been...even though the Vichy government wasn't legally re-criminalizing sodomy between consenting adults, it felt free to persecute its QUILTBAG citizens without even that figleaf.
What is it that you hate so much, straight people? Christian, Jewish, Muslim people? What in your souls says "I hate" so loudly that even your big bully imaginary friend hates too?
Imagine this...the *entire*reason* Pierre had to endure the horrors he was forced to undergo was one simple act of responsible citizeship, of simple human need: He lost a watch to a trick (who obviously didn't trade names with him!) and reported it to the police station. He was young and naïve, answered the police's questions honestly, and was ever after branded a homosexual...an undesirable. Well, anyway, after an amazing wartime changeup and a forced conversion to straightness in the 1950s, Seel finally came to peace with himself in 1981 and, in 1994, finally wrote down the painful facts of his past. Inspired by this review getting blogged, I decided that I'd like to know some more about Seel's post-memoir life. I was appalled to learn that the Mayor of Strasbourg, from whence he was deported, actually refused to shake his hand because of his effrontery in telling his own story. That same person later went on to national office under a Socialist government...so much for Leftists having good credentials with QUILTBAG folks.
Better than that revolting little contretemps, however, was the throw-away line, "He spent the last 12 years or so with his long-term partner, Eric Féliu, with whom he bred dogs in Toulouse, which helped him to overcome the fear of dogs he had developed after Jo's death," referring to his lover torn apart by guard dogs on the Russian Front in 1943. I myownself would recommend reading the Wikipedia entry after the book...I'd especially like to see the book have an Afterword or Epilogue in place of the somewhat bloviating Introduction it has now. Eric Féliu is someone I'd like to know a whole lot more about. (The Endnotes aren't very well organized, either, and Basic Books is one of the acknowledged leaders in non-fiction publishing. It's a shame, really.)
It's not easy to read, but I wish I could make every religious person and every anti-gay bigot read it. I can't, so there's no point in going on about it. If something in you thinks that it's okay to say "sure, fine, be that way but ewww don't talk about it" then you're the reason books like this are necessary.
The Publisher Says: At the age of seventeen, in the arms of a thief, Pierre Seel felt his watch sliding off his wrist. So begins the astonishing chain of events that led to the Schirmeck-Vorbruch concentration camp, where Seel suffered unspeakable horrors for the sole "crime" of being a homosexual.The story of survival in the camps has been told many times, but Seel's is one of the only firsthand accounts of the Nazi roundup and deportation of homosexuals. For nearly forty years he kept his experiences -- including torture, humiliation, and witnessing the vicious murder of his lover at the hands of the Nazis -- a secret in order to cover up his homosexuality. He found a wife through a personal ad, married, and raised three children. "The Liberation", he writes, "was for others". Finally, haunted by his experiences and by the silence of others, he decided to bear witness to an aspect of the Holocaust rarely seen. As he noted, "If I do not speak, I will become the accomplice of my torturers". The result is a terrifying and heartbreaking memoir, extraordinary for its frankness and courage.
My Review: First, read this:
I had to bear witness in order to protect the future, bear witness in order to overcome the amnesia of my contemporaries.
–and–
If I do not speak, I will become the accomplice of my torturers.
Horrible what Hate does to people, makes them bestial and vicious and base. Seel saw all of that, from his entry into the list of homosexuals kept by police to his arrest and deportation. Gay people in concentration camps were not accepted and cared for as were other prisoners, they were victimized by the others as well as the guards. Of course French society at that time was no more accepting of queers than it has ever been...even though the Vichy government wasn't legally re-criminalizing sodomy between consenting adults, it felt free to persecute its QUILTBAG citizens without even that figleaf.
What is it that you hate so much, straight people? Christian, Jewish, Muslim people? What in your souls says "I hate" so loudly that even your big bully imaginary friend hates too?
He had been one of the officials who kept the illegal list of homosexuals in that region with the same good conscience as when he ticketed store owners for neglecting dog turds on their sidewalks.
Imagine this...the *entire*reason* Pierre had to endure the horrors he was forced to undergo was one simple act of responsible citizeship, of simple human need: He lost a watch to a trick (who obviously didn't trade names with him!) and reported it to the police station. He was young and naïve, answered the police's questions honestly, and was ever after branded a homosexual...an undesirable. Well, anyway, after an amazing wartime changeup and a forced conversion to straightness in the 1950s, Seel finally came to peace with himself in 1981 and, in 1994, finally wrote down the painful facts of his past. Inspired by this review getting blogged, I decided that I'd like to know some more about Seel's post-memoir life. I was appalled to learn that the Mayor of Strasbourg, from whence he was deported, actually refused to shake his hand because of his effrontery in telling his own story. That same person later went on to national office under a Socialist government...so much for Leftists having good credentials with QUILTBAG folks.
Better than that revolting little contretemps, however, was the throw-away line, "He spent the last 12 years or so with his long-term partner, Eric Féliu, with whom he bred dogs in Toulouse, which helped him to overcome the fear of dogs he had developed after Jo's death," referring to his lover torn apart by guard dogs on the Russian Front in 1943. I myownself would recommend reading the Wikipedia entry after the book...I'd especially like to see the book have an Afterword or Epilogue in place of the somewhat bloviating Introduction it has now. Eric Féliu is someone I'd like to know a whole lot more about. (The Endnotes aren't very well organized, either, and Basic Books is one of the acknowledged leaders in non-fiction publishing. It's a shame, really.)
It's not easy to read, but I wish I could make every religious person and every anti-gay bigot read it. I can't, so there's no point in going on about it. If something in you thinks that it's okay to say "sure, fine, be that way but ewww don't talk about it" then you're the reason books like this are necessary.
March 29, 2020
Building on the canonical text "The Men with the Pink Triangles" by Hans Heger, Pierre Seel's account of being deported from Alsace, France and sent to a concentration camp because of his homosexuality by the Nazis is a stunning reminder that discrimination against the gays started before the Nazis and continued after them.
After watching his lover be brutally murdered in a concentration camp, Seel recounts his journey being forced into military servitude and then being forced further into the closet by his Russian and then French liberators. Unlike so many of the other liberated people from the camps, the homosexuals were the one class of people that never received reparations, and much of Seel's memoir is recounting the struggles he had keeping the horrors of what happened to him in the camp to himself, afraid that if he spoke of them, or even the reason for him being sent to the camps, he would face social backlash and legal arrest (all the way through the 80s).
So few books have been written on the experiences of the gay men who were sent to the Nazi concentration camps because for so long our society forbade these men from speaking about their experiences. For this reason we must cherish those few stories we have so that we acknowledge and never forget.
After watching his lover be brutally murdered in a concentration camp, Seel recounts his journey being forced into military servitude and then being forced further into the closet by his Russian and then French liberators. Unlike so many of the other liberated people from the camps, the homosexuals were the one class of people that never received reparations, and much of Seel's memoir is recounting the struggles he had keeping the horrors of what happened to him in the camp to himself, afraid that if he spoke of them, or even the reason for him being sent to the camps, he would face social backlash and legal arrest (all the way through the 80s).
So few books have been written on the experiences of the gay men who were sent to the Nazi concentration camps because for so long our society forbade these men from speaking about their experiences. For this reason we must cherish those few stories we have so that we acknowledge and never forget.
February 2, 2015
How do you comment on something like this? I feel like I'm hardly qualified, yet I also feel the need to say something about this book, which has not only touched me deeply, but altered something in the way I look at the past. Not that I was ever under any illusion about the hideous cruelty of the Nazis, but to see their crimes laid out in this matter-of-fact, yet deeply personal account really hit home hard for me.
Seel doesn't clutter his account with unnecessary window-dressing, he simply recounts what happened to him and how it affected his life. The words speak for themselves. He's not afraid to admit that he doesn't remember certain details, and doesn't try to fill in the blanks unnecessarily. He simply recounts the past how he remembers it, and it's brutal, and cruel, and terrible. I literally sat in my bed and cried on two separate occasions. The fear and the sorrow poured off the page and I think what a relief it must have been for him to speak after so long in silence. Sadly, he has passed now, but that makes his account no less relevant.
It's sad that so little remains of gay history, and that the men persecuted under the Nazi regime barely seem to earn a footnote in articles about the Holocaust in general. This is an incredibly important book which I think everyone should read, regardless of their own sexuality.
My only detraction has to do with the edition itself and not the contents of the actual memoir: I could have done without the rambling foreword, in which several events from the book are analyzed before we've even read them. I also feel the foreword has dated in a way the text itself hasn't. I looked up the last years of Seel's life on Wikipedia, since I was curious and the book doesn't seem to have been updated since its 1995 edition. Apparently Seel lived with a partner for 12 years, who helped him get over his fear of dogs. I felt like that was an important footnote (that Seel was able to find some semblance of happiness at the end of his life) that might warrant mention in any future edition.
I think this account will stay with me for the rest of my life. As it should. With the Holocaust generation slipping away, it falls to a younger group to learn the lessons and carry the memories of those who suffered. As a warning to mankind of what happens when any group of people is treated as less than human... and that ordinary people are perfectly capable of monstrous deeds, given the right circumstances.
Seel doesn't clutter his account with unnecessary window-dressing, he simply recounts what happened to him and how it affected his life. The words speak for themselves. He's not afraid to admit that he doesn't remember certain details, and doesn't try to fill in the blanks unnecessarily. He simply recounts the past how he remembers it, and it's brutal, and cruel, and terrible. I literally sat in my bed and cried on two separate occasions. The fear and the sorrow poured off the page and I think what a relief it must have been for him to speak after so long in silence. Sadly, he has passed now, but that makes his account no less relevant.
It's sad that so little remains of gay history, and that the men persecuted under the Nazi regime barely seem to earn a footnote in articles about the Holocaust in general. This is an incredibly important book which I think everyone should read, regardless of their own sexuality.
My only detraction has to do with the edition itself and not the contents of the actual memoir: I could have done without the rambling foreword, in which several events from the book are analyzed before we've even read them. I also feel the foreword has dated in a way the text itself hasn't. I looked up the last years of Seel's life on Wikipedia, since I was curious and the book doesn't seem to have been updated since its 1995 edition. Apparently Seel lived with a partner for 12 years, who helped him get over his fear of dogs. I felt like that was an important footnote (that Seel was able to find some semblance of happiness at the end of his life) that might warrant mention in any future edition.
I think this account will stay with me for the rest of my life. As it should. With the Holocaust generation slipping away, it falls to a younger group to learn the lessons and carry the memories of those who suffered. As a warning to mankind of what happens when any group of people is treated as less than human... and that ordinary people are perfectly capable of monstrous deeds, given the right circumstances.
Read
November 9, 2018DNF at 35%
I expected something more than just a list of well-known facts, and I found the writing style dull and boring.
I expected something more than just a list of well-known facts, and I found the writing style dull and boring.
April 3, 2019
This book does not only tell you about how the homosexuals have been inhumanly treated by the Nazi, but also shows how difficult the lives of LGBT people during the period were. After the WWII, while the people affected by the madness of Nazi were compensated by the government, LGBT people were scarcely addressed. Some of them even chose to hide themselves and keep their horrified experience of the concentration camps secretly with them because the French society did not accept homosexuality. This book is, therefore, a critique of the homophobia in the French society in that era. Telling others about the causes of being arrested would be a way to destroy yourself. You would rather get weird glances from other people than a humain consolation. They were not initially even recognized as victims of the Nazi until decades later. LGBT people were the most unfortunate group of victims, not only because the Nazi has treated them bad, but also the society that ignored to help them regain their human spirit again after it was knocked down in the death camps. We can't let society forget these victims.
January 3, 2017
Pierre Seel was a French gay Holocaust survivor. This is not the best written or most memorable Holocaust tale, or even the most horrifying (though it's plenty horrifying) I have read. But the fact that it is one of the very few GLBT survivor's accounts alone makes it worth reading.
In his youth, before the Nazi occupation, Pierre Seel hung out in a known gay cruising place. He turned in a lost watch he found there to the police, and unknown to him, was put on a police list of known homosexuals because of it. When the Nazis invaded and found that list, his fate was sealed. He was imprisoned, tortured and then sent to a concentration camp. After he was released, he was conscripted into the German Army against his will.
Looking at it with modern eyes, Pierre Seel's story is not just an indictment of the Nazis, but of all homophobic laws and cultures. The irony that his whole life was destroyed by one moment of trying to be a good citizen is not lost on him. Even after his escape from the Nazis and the liberation, he is unable to live openly, as his family makes it clear that they will welcome him back as long as he keeps his sexuality secret. He than gets unhappily married and has children, because it is what society expects. Any GLBT person will identify with his struggles to conform and live "normally." Even when he finally begins to live openly and tell his story, people still reject him.
It's a maddening and thought provoking piece of literature. No, it's not as well written as Elie Wiesel's books, but it is open, honest, raw, and moving. It should be required reading for any student of GLBT history.
In his youth, before the Nazi occupation, Pierre Seel hung out in a known gay cruising place. He turned in a lost watch he found there to the police, and unknown to him, was put on a police list of known homosexuals because of it. When the Nazis invaded and found that list, his fate was sealed. He was imprisoned, tortured and then sent to a concentration camp. After he was released, he was conscripted into the German Army against his will.
Looking at it with modern eyes, Pierre Seel's story is not just an indictment of the Nazis, but of all homophobic laws and cultures. The irony that his whole life was destroyed by one moment of trying to be a good citizen is not lost on him. Even after his escape from the Nazis and the liberation, he is unable to live openly, as his family makes it clear that they will welcome him back as long as he keeps his sexuality secret. He than gets unhappily married and has children, because it is what society expects. Any GLBT person will identify with his struggles to conform and live "normally." Even when he finally begins to live openly and tell his story, people still reject him.
It's a maddening and thought provoking piece of literature. No, it's not as well written as Elie Wiesel's books, but it is open, honest, raw, and moving. It should be required reading for any student of GLBT history.
September 29, 2011
Who in the world is Pierre Seel, you ask ?
Pierre Seel (8/16/23 – 11/25/05) was a gay Holocaust survivor and the only French person to have testified openly about his experience of deportation by the Nazis during World War II due to his homosexuality.
First of all, this isn’t so much a gay story as it a human story. If you’re looking for a hopeful, enlightening story about gay pride and secret romantic interludes between the gay prisoners in the camps, you won’t get it.
This memoir is dark, brooding and a bit dry for my taste. I have to be honest and say that I found myself struggling to finish it. The first half of the book is quite interesting but the telling of his later years is yawn-inducing. In the fifties (and still very much in the closet), Pierre marries a lady and begins a family. Three children later, twenty jobs later, bouts with alcoholism and addictions to nerve pills, they divorce and go their separate ways. Pierre quickly spirals into deep depression and stumbles through life until the early eighties when he meets the proper people and begins telling his story.
This book is a must for students of gay history. It was interesting to read about the stealth that had to be employed to facilitate gay relationships during that time. Some may find that this book isn’t “gay” enough. Pierre was very closeted and for the most part, glosses over the finer details of his intimate life or thoughts. Perhaps the book would be more interesting if read in the language (French) it was written in…
Pierre Seel (8/16/23 – 11/25/05) was a gay Holocaust survivor and the only French person to have testified openly about his experience of deportation by the Nazis during World War II due to his homosexuality.
First of all, this isn’t so much a gay story as it a human story. If you’re looking for a hopeful, enlightening story about gay pride and secret romantic interludes between the gay prisoners in the camps, you won’t get it.
This memoir is dark, brooding and a bit dry for my taste. I have to be honest and say that I found myself struggling to finish it. The first half of the book is quite interesting but the telling of his later years is yawn-inducing. In the fifties (and still very much in the closet), Pierre marries a lady and begins a family. Three children later, twenty jobs later, bouts with alcoholism and addictions to nerve pills, they divorce and go their separate ways. Pierre quickly spirals into deep depression and stumbles through life until the early eighties when he meets the proper people and begins telling his story.
This book is a must for students of gay history. It was interesting to read about the stealth that had to be employed to facilitate gay relationships during that time. Some may find that this book isn’t “gay” enough. Pierre was very closeted and for the most part, glosses over the finer details of his intimate life or thoughts. Perhaps the book would be more interesting if read in the language (French) it was written in…
October 22, 2014
Having read Elie Wiesel's famous Night this morning, it was a shocking pairing to read Seel's memoir of his own experience in the Nazi concentration camps this afternoon. No, I won't compare and contrast them, that is pointless: each will forever stand on their own as a record of man's brutality. I'll add only a few pertinent comments. The plight of homosexuals was one of the last victims' stories to emerge from the Nazi reign of terror, decades after the events. With cruel irony, because suspected gay men were sent to the camps as criminals under Paragraph 175 of German law, they remained criminals after their release and couldn't tell of their experiences without fear of going back to jail. (Paragraph 175, added to the German Criminal Code in 1871, made homosexuality illegal. It was reaffirmed and broadened by the Nazis in 1935, and was not fully revoked until 1994 after more than 140,000 men were convicted, not including the camp victims.) The estimated 100,000 gay men sent to the concentration camps didn't get trials, they were rounded up on suspicion and sent to die, like all the other Nazi victims. Of this particular horror, we have only Seel's full-length memoir, plus two or three other shorter descriptions. The rest of the stories are forever lost.
December 18, 2011
This book is one of the few on the fate of gay people before, during and after WW2 written by a survivor. It is utterly harrowing in parts. One of the most depressing features is the sense of desolation and depression felt by Pierre after the war. Unlike others affected by Nazi brutality there was no recompense either financial or legal or even emotional. I admire his eventual courage and thank God for the freedoms we have and have fought for today!
RIP, Pierre..........................
RIP, Pierre..........................
October 7, 2012
Incredible, disturbing, and thoughtful. A necessary book for anyone looking at the experience of the Pink Triangles in the Holocaust and better translated than Heger's "The Men With The Pink Triangle". I'll be adding it to my growing dissertation bibliography.
July 27, 2025
Seel describes his experiences in this compelling memoir, including his arrest in Nazi-occupied Strasbourg in 1941 at the age of 17, his stay in the Schirmeck-Vorbruch concentration camp, and the horrifying crimes he saw, such as the murder of his lover. His candor, bravery, and dignified restraint in describing such extreme suffering is worthy of both praise and compassion.
Because of the persistent discrimination against homosexuals in society, even in post-war France, Seel lived in shame and terror for almost forty years after the war, keeping his experiences a secret. His choice to speak out in 1981 is regarded as a great act of bravery and evidence of his resolve to pursue justice and recognition for the gay victims of the Nazis. His decision was frequently spurred by outrage at the persistence of homophobia.
Seel's life after the camps is also covered in the book, including his challenging marriage, his attempts to hide his homosexuality, and the psychological effects of his trauma that persisted for a long time. This demonstrates that for many gay survivors, persecution and humiliation persisted even after their "liberation" from the camps.
The book is an important piece of history. It serves as a reminder of what happens when groups are dehumanized and a warning against all forms of prejudice by offering a first-hand account of the Nazi persecution of homosexuals and their treatment in concentration camps.
Because of the persistent discrimination against homosexuals in society, even in post-war France, Seel lived in shame and terror for almost forty years after the war, keeping his experiences a secret. His choice to speak out in 1981 is regarded as a great act of bravery and evidence of his resolve to pursue justice and recognition for the gay victims of the Nazis. His decision was frequently spurred by outrage at the persistence of homophobia.
Seel's life after the camps is also covered in the book, including his challenging marriage, his attempts to hide his homosexuality, and the psychological effects of his trauma that persisted for a long time. This demonstrates that for many gay survivors, persecution and humiliation persisted even after their "liberation" from the camps.
The book is an important piece of history. It serves as a reminder of what happens when groups are dehumanized and a warning against all forms of prejudice by offering a first-hand account of the Nazi persecution of homosexuals and their treatment in concentration camps.
October 7, 2014
In my school system, we were made to read Holocaust literature every year, and so I got fairly well-versed in it. We were supposed to take away from these readings such messages as those of tolerance, how bigotry gets encoded into established law, why people are complicit in it, and the tagline "Never forget". I also took away from it "how the government gets you", whether or not you've done anything wrong--hence my friends thinking for the past few years that I have a weird obstinance when it comes to what online services I'll use and how--Edward Snowden says hi, guys.
Case in point: in the 1930s, Pierre Seel was a teenager living a double life, socializing in the gay district of his hometown secretly--secretly, that is, until he had the thoughtfulness to return a lost pocketwatch to the police station. While filling out the paperwork, the officer in charge of the documentation found out or deduced that Pierre had been in the gay district...and therefore...
The officer made a note of this in the file, and several years later, when the Nazis invaded and occupied France, as was their protocol, they demanded the records from all the police stations. They happened to be particularly interested in who might belong to any of their groups of "undesirables"...and poor Pierre's Good Samaritan act implicated him as one of those who would be carted off to a concentration camp. As several concentration camp-survivor memoirs tell, even in the camps, where everyone was seen as less than human, people retained their prejudices against each other, and the homosexuals were pariahs even among the other outcasts, subject to special restrictions and singled out for harsh treatment. It was in this way that Pierre was forced to watch in silence as the boy he loved was murdered publicly.
Pierre makes it out of the camps, survives being forced to fight for the Nazis, wandering as a deserter at the mercy of people he stumbled upon and any luck he could find, and barely escaping a Soviet execution of a whole village's men by giving the soldiers a good chuckle. He's clear that he did things he wasn't proud of, and some readers might even lose sympathy for him by perceiving him as complicit in the oppression of fellow victims of the Nazis. This is what makes the book, to me, an absolutely vital text in the body of Holocaust literature available to the modern reader. Seel dug a crematorium, opted into serving the Nazi army--which he says he doesn't remember due to repression or severe psychological strain, which I am possibly willing to believe--and stepped over other people, metaphorically speaking, to survive. His isn't a glorious, inspiring story of surviving due to bravery or heroism, or of maintaining one's principles; it is the antidote to those, a harsh story of the reality of war and systemic oppression. There are no heroes in Seel's story, not even himself, and I think my fellow modern Americans, raised on stories of courageous freedom fighters and dramatic acts of heroism, badly need to hear it in order to understand these things. If you want to take war lightly or not be upset at ANY group or individual's treatment as second-class citizens, very well, but don't expect a Hollywood movie to be the outcome.
The tragedy is double, because after the war, homosexuals were still stigmatized, and so Pierre, despite his trauma and suffering, not only was exempt for years from the reparations made by the French government to victims of the Nazis, but far worse, had to deny his experiences even happened or why. He stayed in the closet for decades, entering into a loveless marriage he tried to make work and fathering children who believed their father to be a cold and uncaring man because he was afraid to hug them in his repression. When people say that gays can "choose" to live a heterosexual lifestyle and deny their true desires, I think of Seel and his misery, and his family's unhappiness, because of his attempts to hide who he was and what had happened to him.
Finally, late in life, Seel divorced his wife and started coming out to his loved ones, admitting his experiences during the war, seeking the reparations he was owed, and advocating for the gay community. He was met with resistance on the last part because somehow, people forget that the Holocaust didn't only happen to one group of people, or think that not all experiences of victims of oppression are equally valid; people couldn't or wouldn't see that denying LGBT citizens recognition for who they are was actually pretty similar to the laws the Nazis enacted before "the final solution". The double-standard perpetuated by homophobia or heterosexism was just as oppressive in denying these people the ability to publicly acknowledge their experiences and find closure for their suffering. Finally, in the nineties, public perception began to address this double-standard, and Seel's life, nearing it's end, began to regain some peace about it. He ends the book, however, by wistfully wishing for the boy who died in the concentration camp, who, after all these years, has still been his greatest love.
The story is heartbreaking and real, and that is why it needs to be told. People need to remember that the Holocaust happened to LOTS of people, and that even when they weren't part of a targeted group, life in war was unbearable, and people would do terrible things to survive. They need to know that living in a closet really is a cruelty, and really does cause human potential and happiness to be thrown away. And they need to know that homophobia really is damaging, even when it isn't murderous, but just the denial of significance of someone's experiences. I wish this book were read by not only anyone studying the Holocaust, but by all Americans.
Case in point: in the 1930s, Pierre Seel was a teenager living a double life, socializing in the gay district of his hometown secretly--secretly, that is, until he had the thoughtfulness to return a lost pocketwatch to the police station. While filling out the paperwork, the officer in charge of the documentation found out or deduced that Pierre had been in the gay district...and therefore...
The officer made a note of this in the file, and several years later, when the Nazis invaded and occupied France, as was their protocol, they demanded the records from all the police stations. They happened to be particularly interested in who might belong to any of their groups of "undesirables"...and poor Pierre's Good Samaritan act implicated him as one of those who would be carted off to a concentration camp. As several concentration camp-survivor memoirs tell, even in the camps, where everyone was seen as less than human, people retained their prejudices against each other, and the homosexuals were pariahs even among the other outcasts, subject to special restrictions and singled out for harsh treatment. It was in this way that Pierre was forced to watch in silence as the boy he loved was murdered publicly.
Pierre makes it out of the camps, survives being forced to fight for the Nazis, wandering as a deserter at the mercy of people he stumbled upon and any luck he could find, and barely escaping a Soviet execution of a whole village's men by giving the soldiers a good chuckle. He's clear that he did things he wasn't proud of, and some readers might even lose sympathy for him by perceiving him as complicit in the oppression of fellow victims of the Nazis. This is what makes the book, to me, an absolutely vital text in the body of Holocaust literature available to the modern reader. Seel dug a crematorium, opted into serving the Nazi army--which he says he doesn't remember due to repression or severe psychological strain, which I am possibly willing to believe--and stepped over other people, metaphorically speaking, to survive. His isn't a glorious, inspiring story of surviving due to bravery or heroism, or of maintaining one's principles; it is the antidote to those, a harsh story of the reality of war and systemic oppression. There are no heroes in Seel's story, not even himself, and I think my fellow modern Americans, raised on stories of courageous freedom fighters and dramatic acts of heroism, badly need to hear it in order to understand these things. If you want to take war lightly or not be upset at ANY group or individual's treatment as second-class citizens, very well, but don't expect a Hollywood movie to be the outcome.
The tragedy is double, because after the war, homosexuals were still stigmatized, and so Pierre, despite his trauma and suffering, not only was exempt for years from the reparations made by the French government to victims of the Nazis, but far worse, had to deny his experiences even happened or why. He stayed in the closet for decades, entering into a loveless marriage he tried to make work and fathering children who believed their father to be a cold and uncaring man because he was afraid to hug them in his repression. When people say that gays can "choose" to live a heterosexual lifestyle and deny their true desires, I think of Seel and his misery, and his family's unhappiness, because of his attempts to hide who he was and what had happened to him.
Finally, late in life, Seel divorced his wife and started coming out to his loved ones, admitting his experiences during the war, seeking the reparations he was owed, and advocating for the gay community. He was met with resistance on the last part because somehow, people forget that the Holocaust didn't only happen to one group of people, or think that not all experiences of victims of oppression are equally valid; people couldn't or wouldn't see that denying LGBT citizens recognition for who they are was actually pretty similar to the laws the Nazis enacted before "the final solution". The double-standard perpetuated by homophobia or heterosexism was just as oppressive in denying these people the ability to publicly acknowledge their experiences and find closure for their suffering. Finally, in the nineties, public perception began to address this double-standard, and Seel's life, nearing it's end, began to regain some peace about it. He ends the book, however, by wistfully wishing for the boy who died in the concentration camp, who, after all these years, has still been his greatest love.
The story is heartbreaking and real, and that is why it needs to be told. People need to remember that the Holocaust happened to LOTS of people, and that even when they weren't part of a targeted group, life in war was unbearable, and people would do terrible things to survive. They need to know that living in a closet really is a cruelty, and really does cause human potential and happiness to be thrown away. And they need to know that homophobia really is damaging, even when it isn't murderous, but just the denial of significance of someone's experiences. I wish this book were read by not only anyone studying the Holocaust, but by all Americans.
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September 4, 2025I've been sitting on this one. It's my third attempt at reading it, not because it's difficult, it's actually rather easy to read and digest, but it was just never the right time to get around to it.
At only 140 pages of the actual narrative, with many pages of notes at the tail end, Seel manages to do quite a lot with limited prose. Throughout his story, he not only provides an important account of the toll of homosexuals during the holocaust, but he provides a clear example of why it is so important to document and read history, specifically the history of queer liberation. This should be required reading for anyone looking to learn about queer history.
This is also the most depressing book I have read. Sure, the harrowing details of Seel's treatment in the camps are gut-wrenching, but the toll it took on the rest of his life made it difficult to read as I approached the end of the book. Seel makes the case for queer people to live their lives authentically, providing an example of what can happen when you hide that part of yourself. I am so grateful for this book and I will surely cherish the copy I plan on purchasing soon (this is a somewhat hard to find book I guess, thank you St. Louis Public Library!).
At only 140 pages of the actual narrative, with many pages of notes at the tail end, Seel manages to do quite a lot with limited prose. Throughout his story, he not only provides an important account of the toll of homosexuals during the holocaust, but he provides a clear example of why it is so important to document and read history, specifically the history of queer liberation. This should be required reading for anyone looking to learn about queer history.
This is also the most depressing book I have read. Sure, the harrowing details of Seel's treatment in the camps are gut-wrenching, but the toll it took on the rest of his life made it difficult to read as I approached the end of the book. Seel makes the case for queer people to live their lives authentically, providing an example of what can happen when you hide that part of yourself. I am so grateful for this book and I will surely cherish the copy I plan on purchasing soon (this is a somewhat hard to find book I guess, thank you St. Louis Public Library!).
June 26, 2023
It feels that this story was literally lost in translation with a muted and somewhat muddled work translated from French to English. It could very well also be the author himself lacked the needed skill to fully transcribe his horrific experience. Nevertheless, these stories MUST be told, and I wholly applaud Pierre Seel for having the courage to share his story with the world.
May 5, 2020
Read for uni assignment. Very moving and informative
September 13, 2024
review coming soon but. this was definitely a heavy one
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April 27, 2023This one is for you, Prof Clark. I so wish we could have read this book with you. Thank you for all of the wonderful and thought-provoking films and books these past few years. I will never forget these works, your classes, and you. <3
August 23, 2023
Testimony of homosexual victim of Nazi terror
There were many kinds of victims of the Nazis in the World War 2 era. Homosexuals were among them. Pierre Seel, was an Alsatian (which belonged to France between World Wars 1 and 2). He found himself thrown into a concentration camp at age 18 for being a homosexual. While there, he witnessed the death of his beloved companion (before his incarceration) who was purposely attacked, torn apart, and eaten by vicious dogs. After spending six months in camps he was released and forced to serve in the German army for three years. His time in the camps tormented him for the next 30+ years causing him to suppress his sexuality and memories of that time. Only in his late 50s did he decide he needed to speak out about his deportation to camps for his sexuality. He chose to share publicly his story because the victimization of homosexuals by Nazis was largely ignored and marginalized in Holocaust history. Pierre Seel’s story is tragic, and as he hoped, this book is testimony so that he and other victims like him should not have suffered in vain. Never again!
There were many kinds of victims of the Nazis in the World War 2 era. Homosexuals were among them. Pierre Seel, was an Alsatian (which belonged to France between World Wars 1 and 2). He found himself thrown into a concentration camp at age 18 for being a homosexual. While there, he witnessed the death of his beloved companion (before his incarceration) who was purposely attacked, torn apart, and eaten by vicious dogs. After spending six months in camps he was released and forced to serve in the German army for three years. His time in the camps tormented him for the next 30+ years causing him to suppress his sexuality and memories of that time. Only in his late 50s did he decide he needed to speak out about his deportation to camps for his sexuality. He chose to share publicly his story because the victimization of homosexuals by Nazis was largely ignored and marginalized in Holocaust history. Pierre Seel’s story is tragic, and as he hoped, this book is testimony so that he and other victims like him should not have suffered in vain. Never again!
August 9, 2020
I have read a lot of literature about the Holocaust but I had never come across a Homosexual’s testimony. As every Holocaust story, it is upsetting and heart-rendering. Beyond the horrors of the concentration camp, I think what Seel did with this book is tell the story about a homophobic society. After he was liberated, he had to stay in the closet for a while because of how culture perceived (and in a lot of places still perceives) gay people.
"If I do not speak, I will become the accomplice of my torturers.” Pierre Seel.
"If I do not speak, I will become the accomplice of my torturers.” Pierre Seel.
June 22, 2015
An amazing still terribly painful story of a life completely wrecked by nazis and subsequently by the french society where he lived just for having being born homosexual. It is deeply revolting to read about how much Mr. Seel suffered, first as a prisioner deported to concentration camps, then, raped, bullied, bitten, whipped, starved; subsequently as a forced labourer; then, serving as a nazi soldier in the German II World War ditches front (and wearing the suastika). When he finally came back home he had to stand facing his family who made a silence pact about his condition but carried on their lives discriminating him.
May 21, 2013
Pierre Seel tells a gripping story about how a simple accident led to his imprisonment in a Nazi concentration camp during WWII and, eventually, to his role as an advocate for recognizing the historic role of homosexuals as forgotten holocaust victims. Through brutally honest descriptions and vivid memories, Seel brings to life an aspect of history that is most frequently overlooked. This book will no doubt foster a desire to look into the topic even more.
September 7, 2017
A chilling account of the Nazi deportation of gay men during WWII. Pierre Seel seems to have survived by some sort of miracle, and what he and many others experienced is a horrifying, jaw-dropping but necessary reminder of what homophobia can lead to when it's institutionalised and taken to the extreme. The extent to which gay men were unable to be liberated, recognised and receive reparations after WWII is aptly highlighted by Seel. A very somber yet thought-provoking read.
October 5, 2008
From Alsace, Seel was deported to a Nazi camp, sent home, then drafted into the German army and sent to fight on the Russian front, among other experiences he recounts here. After thirty years of silence, he decided to speak out about his own experience in the cause of having homosexuals recognized as victims of the holocaust. Spare, matter-of-fact account is important.
November 23, 2016
Pierre Seel's story is devastating through and through. I strongly recommend reading this book. I think it is increasingly important to read books like this to remember the horrors of the holocaust and the often forgotten crimes against the LGBT community.
With Trump and Pence in power, I hope people will resist the fanaticism that ruined so many lives.
With Trump and Pence in power, I hope people will resist the fanaticism that ruined so many lives.
June 18, 2018
A book that grabbed me from the start, and wouldn't let me go. However, considering this was, more or less, a biography, I took it with a grain of salt, considering that not a lot of sources or events could be verified in text.
However, the book was one that shows, at least in part, how the Nazis treated Homosexuals.
However, the book was one that shows, at least in part, how the Nazis treated Homosexuals.
January 4, 2019
This book wasn't quite what I was expecting (not a bad thing!) and I found out a lot more than I had anticipated about attitudes to homosexuality in general in that area of Europe both before and since WW2. The end notes are very informative - I didn't know that around 800000 homosexuals were massacred for example.
From Alsace, Pierre Seel realized he was homosexual in his mid-late teens. When his wallet was stolen in an area known for hs activities, he reported it to the police at which point his name was added to a list. With the coming of the Nazis, his name was on a list passed to them. Along with other hs, he was sent to the Schirmeck-Vorbrück concentration camp. He was tortured and also witnessed the death of his lover Jo who was (deliberately) torn apart by dogs. He was eventually set free and made a German citizen and eventually conscripted into the Wehrmacht. At some point, his commanding officer and he desert - his commanding officer is killed and he surrenders to the Soviets.
After the war, while his close family knew why he had been incarcerated originally, it was not spoken of (except to his mother on her death bed) and he remained firmly 'in the closet' eventually marrying and having children. He did not tell his wife about his homosexuality. The marriage was falling apart and his wife started divorce proceedings. Then in the 1980s, following various interviews and so on in the press raising the situation of homosexuals during the war, Seel 'came out' about his experiences in the camp. His wife stopped the divorce proceedings after this.
There's more to tell in the book about how his life developed after that and some of the impossible conditions placed on him regarding reparations and so on.
In 2003 he was officially recognized as a victim of the Holocaust. And there is now a street in his name in Toulouse.
From Alsace, Pierre Seel realized he was homosexual in his mid-late teens. When his wallet was stolen in an area known for hs activities, he reported it to the police at which point his name was added to a list. With the coming of the Nazis, his name was on a list passed to them. Along with other hs, he was sent to the Schirmeck-Vorbrück concentration camp. He was tortured and also witnessed the death of his lover Jo who was (deliberately) torn apart by dogs. He was eventually set free and made a German citizen and eventually conscripted into the Wehrmacht. At some point, his commanding officer and he desert - his commanding officer is killed and he surrenders to the Soviets.
After the war, while his close family knew why he had been incarcerated originally, it was not spoken of (except to his mother on her death bed) and he remained firmly 'in the closet' eventually marrying and having children. He did not tell his wife about his homosexuality. The marriage was falling apart and his wife started divorce proceedings. Then in the 1980s, following various interviews and so on in the press raising the situation of homosexuals during the war, Seel 'came out' about his experiences in the camp. His wife stopped the divorce proceedings after this.
There's more to tell in the book about how his life developed after that and some of the impossible conditions placed on him regarding reparations and so on.
In 2003 he was officially recognized as a victim of the Holocaust. And there is now a street in his name in Toulouse.
March 20, 2023
I don't understand how you could possibly rate a holocaust survivor's memoir, written to bring awareness and attention to the often overlooked fates of the pink triangle wearers after the war, less than five stars. This website continues to astound me. What are you deducting stars for? 'I don't like the way your life was'??? 'I don't like your writing style, Holocaust survivor'???
This memoir was absolutely harrowing, and I am so grateful and in awe of Pierre Seel for the courage and strength to share it. I think it is incredibly important to bring awareness to this subject. The horrors of WWII were unspeakable, but they didn't end for everyone when the Allied Forces came. Queer people were jailed. Queer people never received reparations. They were never freed. Especially in our times, when laws in the supposedly most progressive country in the world are passed, laws that harm and endanger our community all over again, this is essential reading. It is so, so important to bring awareness to our past, to the parts that are often overlooked, and this book does so, mercilessly. It's an incredibly tough read that will leave you feeling angry, hurt, and deeply pained, and those are emotions that are sorely needed right now.
This memoir was absolutely harrowing, and I am so grateful and in awe of Pierre Seel for the courage and strength to share it. I think it is incredibly important to bring awareness to this subject. The horrors of WWII were unspeakable, but they didn't end for everyone when the Allied Forces came. Queer people were jailed. Queer people never received reparations. They were never freed. Especially in our times, when laws in the supposedly most progressive country in the world are passed, laws that harm and endanger our community all over again, this is essential reading. It is so, so important to bring awareness to our past, to the parts that are often overlooked, and this book does so, mercilessly. It's an incredibly tough read that will leave you feeling angry, hurt, and deeply pained, and those are emotions that are sorely needed right now.
August 30, 2022
Ce livre devrait faire partie du programme scolaire au lycée.
Je ne mets pas 5 étoiles pour le suspense, le style d'écriture ou la poésie de l'oeuvre. Je les mets pour la nécessité de l'existence de ce témoignage.
On suit un jeune homme, dans ses premières années en tant qu'adulte entre honte d'être homosexuel dans les années 30, puis la déportation en camp, puis l'enrôlement dans la guerre et enfin la Libérarion qui n'est pas la sienne. Au-delà d'uniquement nous raconter les faits des horreurs nazies envers les homosexuels, cet ouvrage nous présente l'impact de ces dernières sur une vie.
Merci au courage de cet homme d'être sorti de son anonymat et de s'être battu, à nouveau, pour que les générations futures puissent avoir des pans des témoignages de histoire, bien trop souvent invisibilisées et poussées à l'oubli.
Je ne mets pas 5 étoiles pour le suspense, le style d'écriture ou la poésie de l'oeuvre. Je les mets pour la nécessité de l'existence de ce témoignage.
On suit un jeune homme, dans ses premières années en tant qu'adulte entre honte d'être homosexuel dans les années 30, puis la déportation en camp, puis l'enrôlement dans la guerre et enfin la Libérarion qui n'est pas la sienne. Au-delà d'uniquement nous raconter les faits des horreurs nazies envers les homosexuels, cet ouvrage nous présente l'impact de ces dernières sur une vie.
Merci au courage de cet homme d'être sorti de son anonymat et de s'être battu, à nouveau, pour que les générations futures puissent avoir des pans des témoignages de histoire, bien trop souvent invisibilisées et poussées à l'oubli.
January 7, 2023
Wow! I don't even know where to start.
This is a book I recommend anyone to read.
The message is so profound, Pierre Seel describe scenes in a way that can take you back in time with him.
It's one of those books that puts life into perspective because sometimes, nowadays, we can get upset for silly things that in the big scheme of things are not really a big deal. I don't mean by this I'm promoting suffering but instead appreciation for how much gay men can do today, all the spaces we have conquered, at least some of us.
Still in some countries, being openly gay is a big challenge, and I say openly because gay people already are.
I wish I could thanks Pierre Seel for being brave and having the willingness to write this for us.
I have visited some of the cities mentioned in the book but I had no idea about how much history there's still to learn.
Recommended!
This is a book I recommend anyone to read.
The message is so profound, Pierre Seel describe scenes in a way that can take you back in time with him.
It's one of those books that puts life into perspective because sometimes, nowadays, we can get upset for silly things that in the big scheme of things are not really a big deal. I don't mean by this I'm promoting suffering but instead appreciation for how much gay men can do today, all the spaces we have conquered, at least some of us.
Still in some countries, being openly gay is a big challenge, and I say openly because gay people already are.
I wish I could thanks Pierre Seel for being brave and having the willingness to write this for us.
I have visited some of the cities mentioned in the book but I had no idea about how much history there's still to learn.
Recommended!
September 11, 2025
Pierre's work stand out from Heniz's in the fact that he speaks up after so many years of fear and hiding. He went through hell and yet he stood on his feet again and he spoke nothing but the truth; that homosexuals unlike every other person were not liberated after the evil Reich crumbled.
This book contains the personal horrors he had to endure and the thereafter, Pierre's courageous accounts of his fellow homosexuals in the concentration camps, his refutations of the allegations and lies levelled against LGBTQ people by a French bishop gives me hope that there is a humanity in us that can never be quenched even in our darkest hour. Rest in peace Pierre Seel.
This book contains the personal horrors he had to endure and the thereafter, Pierre's courageous accounts of his fellow homosexuals in the concentration camps, his refutations of the allegations and lies levelled against LGBTQ people by a French bishop gives me hope that there is a humanity in us that can never be quenched even in our darkest hour. Rest in peace Pierre Seel.
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