Still Here

by A.J. Knight

Ellis Carter has spent his life clinging to the places that don’t ask him to be louder.

At twenty-six, the queer punk record store where he works is more than a job—it’s a refuge. The old man who owns it gave Ellis his first steady ground after his father died and his mother disappeared into alcohol. The store taught him rhythm, routine, and how to exist without apology. So when the store is sold to Issaky Jones—a wealthy, charming outsider known for buying up independent record stores—Ellis is certain of one this is how safe places die.

Issaky is everything Ellis distrusts. Confident, unapologetic, impossible to ignore. He renovates, restructures, and insists Ellis stay on—with benefits Ellis has never had and patience Ellis doesn’t know how to accept. Attraction sparks where resentment should be, and soon Ellis finds himself drawn into something he never planned a man who listens, who waits, and who stays.

As the store is rebuilt, Ellis uncovers a hidden box of letters—love notes written decades earlier by the store’s original owner to his lover. Each letter tells a quiet story of queer love, fear, and devotion, mirroring Ellis’s own in ways he isn’t ready to face. When loss strikes and grief threatens to close Ellis off for good, he must decide whether to retreat into silence or risk trusting the steady hands reaching for him.

Still Here is a tender, slow-burn queer romance about legacy, grief, and learning that love doesn’t demand you change, only that you stay.

Genres: M M Romance, Romance, Queer, Adult, Grief, Disability, LGBT

336 pages, Paperback

First published May 25, 2026

About the author

A.J. Knight has been writing since the age of twelve. A passion for writing runs deep in their family, with a father who dabbled in short stories and a mother who was a poetry enthusiast. Once A.J. Knight began, they never looked back. Originally from Washington State, A.J. Knight relocated to North Dakota to be closer to their wife. Battling both physical and mental health challenges, A.J. Knight is forever committed to promoting positive representation in all of their work.



A.J. Knight also enjoys drawing character art for their novels and other fellow authors!

Reviews

[Vanessa GLP · Rating 2 out of 5]

At 60% I couldn't continue
I didn't like the vibe, it feels manipulative and the way the author explain how the characters feel it's too descriptive in a bad way

[Rachael Hamilton · Rating 4 out of 5]

This story pulled me in from the very beginning. The notes at the start of each chapter create a quiet, underlying tension that makes you feel like something emotional is coming, and it absolutely delivers.

Ellis is such a beautifully written character. The way he experiences the world, especially through the shop, felt meaningful. I loved how the shop almost became a living being through his perspective, shaped by the details he notices. His characterization felt thoughtful, authentic, and deeply relatable.

The romance between Ellis and Issaky carries a lot of heart. There is a tenderness to their connection that really highlights the story’s core message that love is not always about grand gestures, but about showing up, staying, and being there even when things are hard.

I also cannot not mention Jack and Clyde. Their side story was absolutely beautiful and added so much emotional depth to the book. It was one of those elements that quietly breaks your heart in the best way.

Overall, this was a deeply emotional MM romance that focuses on connection, presence, and the quiet ways love endures. It is the kind of story that stays with you.

[Lili · Rating 5 out of 5]

Learning how to create your safe haven when it feels like you have no place in the world. Learning change is scary as hell, but it is needed and can be safe.
Learning that it's ok to not be ok. Learning how to cherish, how to love and so much more.

Y'all I'm holding back tears while trying to type this review. This was such an amazing read y'all, like I'm honestly so happy to have found this.
The connection between each character, the quiet understanding, acceptance is just something unique and something that really catches your attention.

I just want to hug Ellis until everything stops hurting, y'all he's so sweet and I loved his quirks. Then Issaky is just an amazing person, no matter what was said or done. He never flashed out, he listened to understand not to respond! I honestly could go on and on about them, I just loved their story!

Also will forever love Clyde.

[H. · Rating 5 out of 5]

- MM, Autism rep, a walking green flag love interest

I was lucky to be chosen as one of the ARC readers for this book and I am so glad!
“Still Here” gave me all the feels. It was warm and cozy while evoking a variety of emotions. Clyde is the perfect mentor/father figure for Ellis. He definitely gives “papa bear” vibes and has the best interests of Ellis at heart even during the difficult decision Clyde has to make. Ellis and Issaky are an amazing depiction of what it means to find your person. A.J Knight did an incredible job writing Ellis’ character. The way the book delves into struggles that Ellis faces due to being autistic is done in a way that is heartwarming and true to what it can be like to navigate day to day. The smallest changes, sensory sensitivities, and how overwhelming the world can seem are written in such a beautiful way. Issaky is a walking green flag! The way he learns and navigates with Ellis during the different challenges faced is heartwarming and shows how much of a difference it can make to someone with autism to have that person who meets them in the middle.
Watching the character development of these two definitely left me wanting more. I felt like I truly got to know these characters and I definitely fell in love with them. This book celebrates the differences of someone who is neurodivergent
There is a little bit of spice in this book and I think it adds beautifully to the portrayal of the characters and who they grow to be.
I will be recommending this book to my friends and will definitely be reading the rest of the “Soft Places” series!

[Luqueerbooks · Rating 5 out of 5]

It was such a beautiful and precious story. The utter care behind the store, seeing as a proper character, almost out of the world, magical, warm and safe, as well as the 'real' characters. People being kind and careful of others while still being true to themselves, despite the world's madness and nonsense, is so important to cherish and nourish. The whole book was like being tucked into a blanket with a big hug after a rough day.

[Awesome Ashley Renee · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was genuinely one of my favorite reads for the year. A beautifully written story about accepting love, dealing with grief and how change doesn't always have to be scary. Both of our main characters Ellis and Issaky had me smiling from ear to ear continuously and I couldn't contain it. From the flirtatious banter, to the steamy times alone. I just love the way that they loved each other. I can't recommend this story enough.

[Hazel Urquhart · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed the gentle quietness contained within this story. The soft love and care given by the characters and to them by the author.

[Jane]

Not really for me, but I'll post my full review a week after it releases, at the other's request for arc readers :)


I liked the ambience and sense of place. My only knowledge of Seattle comes from Frasier, which I know is pretty skewed lol.

Unfortunately, I just didn't totally buy into Ellis and Issaky. I felt like I kept waiting for more background to be revealed. Ellis' mom sucked, for sure, but I didn't understand why he stayed with her? Like, I couldn't help but keep comparing this with Hurt Me/Comfort Me, Daddy, where the mom is a looming menace and threat. Ellis' mom was a mean alcoholic, sure, but there just wasn't the sense of danger, partially because of Ellis' age and then. Idk, did he have savings? Rent being high was mentioned, but not much beyond that.

Issaky was also odd - why did he like Ellis? He just kinda kept pursuing him and eventually Ellis was like, yes okay. He was so kind and patient and understanding to a fault. I wanted a little more push and pull, a little more of them learning about each other. My favorite parts of a romance were pretty skimmed over. There would be a throwaway line about a week going by or whatever and I wanted to be like, no! What do they talk about, how does Ellis warm up, etc?

Not to be completely like...idk capitalist about it, but what is in this for Issaky? Because there wasn't a lot of build up of them actually talking and getting to know each other etc - like when they each bought each other a book. That could have been a good point to show each of their characters. Ellis buys a random romantasy bc of who he imagines Issaky is and nothing ever really comes of that. And we never find out what book Issaky picks out for Ellis. It just felt terribly lopsided.

When Ellis breaks down after Clyde's death, it's clear Issaky's mom or an important figure has committed suicide and he's having some flashbacks. But then nothing happens with that either. He's just so patient and understanding with Ellis while not really getting his own...I want to say issues but they're not really presented that way. Previous trauma, I guess.

The other thing too, is we never find out more about Issaky like at all. How is he so wealthy in Seattle that he can buy local stores/places to preserve? He's only 31, is his family wealthy, did he inherit or what? Also, being Black in PNW feels like...I'm not asking for slurs to be thrown around but like he could have easily interpreted Ellis' attitude in the beginning as racist. Idk, it just felt really absent from his characterization in a way.

This just didn't have the amount or kind of tension I like. It was a little too soft (no pun intended) in a way that just unfortunately makes me think of smol beans a la ana mardoll, which isn't the fault of this writer/story. While the Seattle-ness was present, there wasn't any other grounding details that made me believe or super invested in the story. I like the domestic, the paperwork, tallying savings etc. (Comfort Me, Daddy and Morning Glory Milking Farm have those details in spades), but this didn't have that. Opportunities for relationship and character building/development were skipped over in favor of diving deeper into understanding Ellis and how he moves through and sees the world. Which would have been better if it had been balanced out with other stuff. I could see myself really enjoying it in that way. As it was, it was a little too indulgent.

[Eliza Gardenhour · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a neurodivergent queer person, this book was so affirming to me on so many levels. I have a drive to read books where I feel represented and heard, which leads me towards many books with autistic main characters. Many books I have read treat neurodivergent people like a trope to be checked off on a list, a problem to be solved by the romantic interest, a plotline to be resolved.

Still Here never felt that way. It didn’t dance around Ellis’s autism or make it seem like a fact to be hidden away and never discussed again. It didn’t glorify it or put it on a pedestal. Ellis was written as so many autistic people live, tangible and real and present, and most importantly, he was seen by the people around him. Not for who he could be, but for who he was. Knight writes autism in a refreshing way, not palatable or easy to look past, but as dynamic and a compelling part of who Ellis is. It’s just one of the reasons why he’s so easy to love.

SPOILERS BELOW!!

The story itself is not just a romance, but a navigation through grief, neglect, new experiences, and preserving old ones. The pacing felt appropriate and made me want to continue reading up late into the night (which is always a good thing!), diving deeper into the budding relationship between Ellis and Issaky and the deep meaning behind the record store. The prose was beautiful, not only easy to digest, but lyrical in a way, which felt fitting for the scene of the book.

I felt such connection to Clyde in this story, as I have grown up with figures like him in my life. One of the things I look for in a romance is that there are other factors and overarching plotlines. Clyde, an older queer gentleman who guided Ellis through his childhood, who created a foundation for the book to stand, who cared so deeply throughout the book, stole my heart. The letters before every chapter was such a nice touch and really tied everything in at the end.

Issaky was so enjoyable right from the start. I liked that Knight didn’t sugarcoat Ellis’s discomfort with a new person in his daily routine, but let that uncomfortability simmer and work through. The strawberry spritzer dialogue was my favorite part of the book, and I will be thinking about it for a while. One of the things I enjoyed about this book was that it centered around Ellis’s view and experience of the world, which included Issaky. There were parts of the book that would be told through Issaky’s point of view, but I found it important that the book centered around Ellis and only shifted to Issaky when needed. This made the book seem much more like Ellis’s journey through change and strife, which I was glad was the focus.

Issaky is such a fun character to read and interact with. Not only in his scenes with Ellis, but also with Clyde. He’s not only charismatic, but caring. He’s written as handsomely as he is described, in the way he looks out for Ellis, in the way he respects his partner, and in the way he actively makes space and time. We see Issaky through Ellis- and this portrayal matters a lot to me. Knight centers how important the things Issaky does are to Ellis, and especially how he does them. But most importantly, everything is not perfect for Ellis or for Issaky. Their dynamic feels realistic and allows the reader to emotionally sit with both characters. I do hope in the next book, we see a lot more of Issaky’s inner thoughts and perspective because I enjoyed it so much in the small bits we got to see in Still Here.

Issaky and Ellis’s dynamic was especially interesting to me, it felt unique to other romances I have read before. A lot of books with neurodivergent rep are often marketed with disability representation as a trope and not a core part of the story. It was extremely important to me that Issaky not only embraced Ellis for who he was, but also affirmed who he was. A lot of media I have encountered with autistic main characters- especially romances- portray disability as something to push aside or fix. While reading Still Here, it was made very clear that Ellis had felt this way his entire life, and the people that mattered to him didn’t view him this way, instead, they accommodate and make space for him in small ways that culminate into a larger picture.

The romance between them addressed a lot of issues that neurodivergent people face in relationships (and that I have faced myself). Issues surrounding intimacy such as overstimulation, emotional aftershock, hesitancy, and worries of regret were all topics I was so happy to see discussed. For me, this is an incredibly important aspect of my story, and it felt so affirming to read it in Ellis and Issaky’s. Not only is it discussed, but it is portrayed in a safe setting where both of the characters are heard and respected as equals. Even the dynamic of consensual power imbalance was written with this in mind. I felt so happy reading this, and this was one of the aspects that drove me to continue.

Overall, I am so grateful I found this book. I remember stumbling across it on Instagram and I am so happy I applied to pre-read for it. I will be following this author’s releases and waiting patiently for the other books in the series! (I am so excited this will be a series I’m so excited!)

[Blake · Rating 5 out of 5]

Eventually, Ellis spoke again. “Do you ever feel…angry?”
Jack considered that. “Sometimes,” he admitted. “Not at him. At time. At the fact that love doesn’t make anyone immortal.”

I will admit that I was a little nervous going into my read through of A.J. Knight’s Still Here because there’s always a little worry when I read a book that has an autistic main character. I’m unsure of Knight’s neurodivergence even now, post-read, so my hesitation going into Still Here was… pretty warranted, I think. When allistic people write characters with autism, it too often fits into the stereotype of what autism is: stunted conversational skills, meltdowns, struggles with managing emotions, etc. It often is like that, don’t get me wrong, but the media loves to use this one version of autism for everything (see: The Good Doctor’s Shaun Murphy, The Big Bang Theory’s Sheldon Cooper, and Atypical’s Sam Gardner). There is no one way to be autistic, and I think that a lot of writers forget that.

So, when I say that I was pleasantly surprised by Knight’s representation of autism through Ellis… trust me when I say that I mean it. I, as someone with AuDHD, anxiety, and depression among other things, have never felt so seen in a work of fiction before. I’m talking… Knight had me tearing up in the first chapter. THE FIRST CHAPTER! And then I just kept tearing up throughout the rest of the book. Ellis’ autism felt very, very real to me. Here’s a snippet of a DM I sent to Knight:

As for Ellis’s autism… I think a lot of autistic people know when we’re “overreacting” or responding poorly and it’s kind of like we’re seeing our actions/behaviors play out but there’s nothing we can do about it in the moment. I definitely got that vibe from Ellis, and the way you wrote his guilt following his reactions made me feel seen. I think autism is hard to portray because people often expect it to be the same for everyone when it just isn’t. Ellis Carter and Shane Hollander could never experience autism the same way, especially when nature vs. nurture is taken into consideration.

It was also refreshing to see the other characters in Still Here love Ellis so freely. Issaky and Clyde learn to navigate Ellis and his needs in a way that made me feel loved, too, because my friends and loved ones do the same for me. The patience that Issaky has for Ellis is just… honestly, it was beautiful. One of the things I’ve come to learn in my twenty-six years of life is that we, as individuals, are responsible for our words and actions – mental health is never an excuse to treat people poorly. So, when there are moments at which Ellis is shutting down and not responding or acting “ideally,” Issaky (and Clyde, too) hold him accountable while still holding onto that rich, gorgeous patience. Holding our loved ones accountable for their words and actions is not mutually exclusive from treating them with love and respect. And, because of that patience, Ellis learned how to navigate communication in a way that didn’t shut Issaky out. Gorgeous, honestly.

Surprisingly enough, Ellis isn’t my favorite character. When A.J. asked me who my favorite was, I actually said… Issaky. While I saw a lot of myself in Ellis, I couldn’t help but be drawn to Issaky and his kindness, his patience, and his warmth. When I read romance novels, I often find that less important side characters or the main character end up being my big favs, so I was surprised when I came to the realization that the love interest ended up being so important to me. Upon further inspection, I think it makes sense: Issaky has OCD. Autism is already unfairly represented in so many forms of media, but I think it’s fair to say that autism is becoming more and more represented as the days go by. OCD, however, I think is also just as hard to replicate. It’s not just making sure everything is strictly organized or having things the way you want them – it’s little repetitive actions that help calm you down, intrusive thoughts, and so, so much more. Which is all to say this: seeing myself, as someone with diagnosed OCD, in such an important character who remains truly gentle and kind throughout the entire book, healed something in me. Issaky healed a part of me that I didn’t know needed healing, and I cannot thank A.J. Knight enough for that.

When it’s all said and done, Still Here is an easy 4.5/5 stars for me. It was such a fun read (even if it made me cry numerous times; A.J. Knight when I get you… when I get you A.J. Knight) and I am beyond excited to read the next book in the series and see where A.J. takes Ellis, Issaky, and the next lucky couple.

Thank you so much to A.J. Knight for allowing me to read an early release copy of Still Here and for trusting me with your book baby. All the love.

[veerali · Rating 5 out of 5]

thank you a.j. knight for the eARC—all thoughts are my own!
✦ publication date: may 25, 2026

TO BE LOVED IS TO BE SEEN

this story follows ellis, who works at a punk record store. after a difficult childhood, the store became his home and his only safe place. the owner, clide, an older man who acted like a father to ellis, eventually decides to sell the shop. now the new owner is issaky jones, a wealthy and charming man. ellis doesn’t trust him at all. he thinks issaky is just another outsider who will destroy everything special about the store. but issaky keeps ellis on as an employee and treats him better than anyone ever has. this leads to ellis eventually falling for his very new boss. when a sudden tragedy happens, ellis feels like shutting everyone out again. he has to decide, will he hide away, or will he finally trust issaky to be there for him?

i believe that everyone deserves to feel safe, understood, and to be seen, especially those who experience the world in a different way. it also means being patient with their needs, listening to how they actually communicate, and respecting their boundaries. when you offer someone that kind of gentle support, you are letting them know that they are valuable exactly as they are.

this kind of love is beautifully clear in the way isaaky treats ellis. because ellis has autism, the world can sometimes feel loud or overwhelming for him, but isaaky is his quiet, safe place. you can see it in the little things, the way isaaky watches for signs that ellis needs a break, the way he uses a calm voice when things get stressful, and how he never forces ellis to do something that makes him uncomfortable. isaaky honors ellis. he holds ellis’s hand with a soft touch that says, "I am here, you are safe, and I am not going anywhere."

it was incredibly amazing to watch isaaky learn the language of ellis’s heart. he knows exactly when ellis needs space and when he needs to be held close. in a world that demands people change to fit in, isaaky’s love is a soft pillow for ellis to rest on. when you truly care for someone, you take the time to learn how their mind works and you protect their happiness with everything you have. their relationship shows that the deepest form of love is simply showing someone that they are worthy of patience, gentleness, and respect every single day.

this book is written in a way that is so simple and easy to read, yet it touches your heart in the deepest possible way.

in many romance novels today, we are told that love is a magic cure. we are taught that if we find the right person, all our problems will suddenly vanish and our pain will turn into sunshine. but in my heart, i know that isn't true. life is more complicated than that. this book understands this truth. it shows that love doesn't fix you but instead, it supports you. love doesn't take away the depression or the anxiety, but it gives you a hand to hold while you walk through the fire. the characters still struggle. they still have bad days where everything feels heavy. but they are there for each other. that is what truly matters. being seen and being loved exactly as you are, even when you feel broken, is the most powerful thing in the world.

i have read many many romance novels, but i've never felt this way before. this story reached inside of me and pulled out so many emotions. i cried so much while reading it, not because it was sad, but because it was so damn beautiful. we can be messy, we can be hurting, and we can still find a beautiful connection with someone else.

i want to tell everyone about this book. i want to hand it to anyone who needs to feel understood. it is a masterpiece of the heart, and i'll honestly never EVER forget how it made me feel. please read this. you won’t regret it.

⤿ MLM
⤿ slow burn romance
⤿ autistic rep
⤿ consensual power imbalance
⤿ grumpy x sunshine
⤿ soft sub x confident top

౨ৎ ⋮ more by a.j. knight
— fae marked series
— always, her
— chasing starfire

[Shell · Rating 5 out of 5]

I truly have no words for this book. The only one that comes to mind is beautiful. From the first page to the last, I didn't want to put this book down. From the characters, to the plot, even the writing was perfect.

Ellis is first. He is our sweet, autistic MMC. He has learned how to navigate a world that doesn't know how to make space for him and has taken solace in a record shop. From a young age, he has lived between the shelves and used the records as a method of calming and grounding himself. The owner, Clyde, takes him under his wing and shows him the love, patience, and acceptance he not only needs, but also deserves. When Issaky enters the picture to take over for Clyde, Ellis pushes back. He doesn't like change and this is the biggest change yet. We get to see Ellis learn and grow and become more confident with himself and his circumstances. Autism presents itself differently in every individual and AJ does an amazing job of presenting the daily trials and struggles one might face.

Issaky is our other MMC and he is the greenest green flag that has ever been green. He's so patient and kind and allows Ellis to just exist. He doesn't try to change him or mold him into someone more neurotypical. He allows Ellis to make mistakes while also holding him accountable for his actions. He is genuine and kind and probably one of my favorite characters.

I have only one complaint about the book and that is how much I feel is left out. It wasn't enough to leave off a star as I did love the story as. But it was enough for me to have a few questions. My biggest one is, how Issaky found the place. We get told he purchases businesses to help them however we aren't told how he finds the record store. I also feel like it jumps straight into him liking Ellis almost as if he has met him before.
Now. I do have a theory in my head. Clyde either knew Issaky or sought him out (or maybe Issa really did just find the place by chance), but my theory is Ellis has in fact met him before. Clyde does explain the situation so maybe he came by a few times before any talks of selling even got started and sometime during that, Issa started liking Ellis from afar? And Clyde decides to play it out the way he does to help Ellis cope with it all? Make it seem like Issa pursued him when in reality Clyde is the one that searched for a buyer that would suit Ellis? But because Ellis sees the world so differently, he was just another patron. But now that he is confronted with Clyde selling the store to Issa, he has to acknowledge his presence....idk maybe I'm reaching a bit. But I really wish we would have gotten just some more background for everything.

And then last, but 100% not least, is Clyde. He is an amazing human being. He takes Ellis in and gives him the space to grow and the patience to flourish. While we only get a small glimpse, his and Jack's letters are so sweet and happened at a time when men weren't allowed to love each other. Us meeting Jack in the end was everything and I think the closure that Ellis needed. I also have a suspicion that Jack and Ellis are a lot more alike than is mentioned on page.

Honestly though, this book was amazing and I would definitely read it again. I can't wait for the next one!

Happy Reading 🌻

[Charles Spicer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really loved this book! From the dedication, it had me laughing out loud and grinning, kicking my feet, and just generally falling deeply in love with both Isaaky and Ellis. (Talk about two stellar main characters!) Both so different but so life-like. Complicated and lovely in their own way, like well-rounded characters should be!

I didn't know this was the start of a series, but I could not be more pleased! I will definitely be tuning in for the rest of "Soft places."

Ellis was a shot though my chest (/positive). It is a beautiful thing to see yourself in a character; rare is it, however, that a character shines such a bright and compassionate mirror that you see yourself, see all of your own flaws, and because you can still love this character and everything that makes them flawed, you must accept some of that love for yourself. And that's exactly what this character did for me with Ellis.

My heart broke with him when he was facing the insecurity of the shop, of Clyde. My heart shattered with him when he lost Clyde. (I can't even begin to describe how seen I felt or this will become a therapy session and not a book review.) It was truly masterful and took my breath away. Kudos to the author for showing such a sensitive and delicate part of the human experience with such incredible compassion and love. Thank you for telling a story about love that showed someone with autism both capable of great love (even when it doesn't look like what we expect) and someone loving someone with autism with grand compassion and patience.

Also I really appreciated that this was a story that had an abusive parent but left the redemption of the story open ended – it was up to her and we don't know how it will turn out. I really appreciated that representation.

One of my favorite scenes that made me shake and start to cry:

"'You didn't have to redesign the store around me.'

'I didn't,' Issaky said. 'I redesigned it around accessibility. You helped me understand what that means.'

Ellis's eyes went bright.

'That's different,' Issaky added quietly. 'And important.'"

Another of my favorite quotes, which shook the ground beneath my feet and made me realize something about my own self and my relationship with my autism:

"Wanting still scared him. It always had. But as he slipped his headphones on and returned to work, he couldn't shake the thought that maybe fear wasn't a warning this time — maybe it was just the feeling of standing close to something that mattered, and choosing not to step back."

And let us not forget the love story within the love story!! Clyde and Jack made me so emotional. Thanks for telling this story about queer love today while still honoring our queer ancestors. I think this quote summed it up best:

"WE write because one day one of us won't be here to remember the way the other breaths, Clyde had written once. I want proof that we existed."

Indeed, you have left proof that all of us existed. Thank you for this beautiful love story! I can't wait for the sequel.

[neeshreads · Rating 5 out of 5]

Story:⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5
Spice:🌶️🌶️🌶️/5

I did not expect to be in my feels to the point of tearing up and crying when I went into this read, yet here we are, and I am better for it. It’s hard to put into words my love for Issaky and Ellis, as they both have deeply ingrained themselves into my heart, and will forever have a space there.

🏳️‍🌈MLM
✨Autistic Representation
🏳️‍🌈Grumpy x Sunshine
✨Forced Proximity
🏳️‍🌈Feeling Seen For the First Time
✨Slow Burn Romance
🏳️‍🌈King of Consent
✨Soft Submissive x Confident Top
🏳️‍🌈Consensual Power Imbalance & “Good Boy”

Ellis Carter has spent his life in survival mode, not finding refuge until he stumbled into a record store in his youth. Here, the owner gave Ellis the stability his life was so desperately lacking after his father died and his mother drowned her problems in alcohol. The record store taught Ellis rhythm, routine, and that he can exist as he is. Now, when the store is sold to Issaky Jones, he’s sure that his safe place will die.

Issaky is impossible for Ellis to ignore with his confident stature, unapologetic presence, and beautiful smile. Ellis distrusts Issaky and doesn’t know how to accept the patience he exudes. Where resentment ought to be, attraction blooms, and Ellis finds himself in the orbit of a man who listens, who waits, and who stays. Can Ellis trust enough to let Issaky in when the world feels like it’s closing in?

I absolutely adored the relationship dynamic between Issaky and Ellis – their opposites attract romance was layered with healthy communication, assurance and safety, and learning how to navigate changes while building foundational trust. Their slow-burn romance felt authentic and grounded in not only attraction, but a deep desire to truly get to know one another without rushing any aspect of platonic or sexual intimacy. Seeing such healthy communication, respectful boundaries, and growing feelings was refreshing and heartwarming.

Issaky’s representation was handled with respect and his role in Ellis’s life is absolutely beautiful. We have the greenest of green flag men I have ever encountered, and Issaky’s quiet understanding, willingness to learn, awareness of mental health, and unconditional acceptance was infinitely endearing. Ellis’s autistic representation was also addressed with immense care and attention – his struggles with change, sensory processing, and the unique way in which he experiences the world, a world that can be extremely unkind. The journey these two embark on isn’t linear, and huge transitions require steadfast support in a way that doesn’t magically make the problems go away, but rather embraces that there is someone there to work through those issues with you. The way in which Issaky consistently shows up for Ellis, and when Ellis learns Issaky’s tells, the way Ellis shows up for Issaky, is everything.

[magpie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am grateful to have been chosen to be part of the ARC team. The book took me about two days to read, about three hours total to get through the whole book. This book has been one of my favorites this year. There will be spoilers ahead!!

To start, the book overall I would rate 4/5. I felt that certain characters and storylines didn’t get fleshed out enough and certain things felt rushed. The two main love interests, Ellis and Issaky, were so cute together and I loved their relationship dynamic. Issaky takes the role of the caring dom, and strives to earn El’s trust throughout the story. El’s world gets turned upside down when his boss wants to sell the record store to Issaky. Living with autism, Ellis struggles with change and faces hurdles throughout the book and overcomes them all with the support of those around him.

I wish we got to get to know Clyde, boss/father figure to Ellis, better. I felt like his death was rushed. I figured that was where the story would go based on his early comments about wanting to make sure Ellis and the record store are taken care of. I still felt that everything happened fairly quickly. The book was an overall short read, so there were many elements of the story that could have been expanded on.

Clyde’s partner, Jack, who is revealed through snippets of letters at the beginning of each chapter, shows up after Clyde’s death when Ellis reaches out. I felt this was a good resolution for Ellis to feel closer to Clyde through a loved one, but I wish we were introduced sooner.

These small gripes I had didn’t take away from the overall story for me, I still enjoyed my time reading Still Here. I look forward to what Knight has to publish, and I look forward to how this universe develops.

Gripes aside, what did I love about this story? Well, I thought their relationship was healthy, and there was conflict that occurred didn’t derail the story. Issa and El have a passionate relationship and I love their dynamic. Throughout the entire story, I was rooting for El to learn how to adapt to change and still not compromise who he is. Ellis is autistic, and as a fellow neurodivergent person, change is hard. Ellis learns healthy ways to trust those around him, and while bratty at times (lol), he still opens his heart to Issa. Issa never pushes Ellis and strives for communication.

Overall, I had a great reading experience and I can’t wait to see what else the author has in store. I know the author wants to focus on other characters in this universe, but I hope we come back to Ellis and Issa to see how their relationship flourishes and how they both can grow as people.

Thank you again, Alex, for giving me the opportunity to be on the ARC team!!

[Ames · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you to AJ Knight and their team for sending me a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review!

Now Alex (AJ Knight), I’m speaking directly to you for a moment: I genuinely think you’ve found your niche. This book was absolutely phenomenal. You completely outdid yourself here, and I hope you know just how proud I am of what you created.

The story follows two MMCs, though Ellis is very much the emotional center. Ellis is autistic, and as someone currently going through the diagnostic process myself, I have read a lot of books featuring autistic characters. Very few of them feel as honest and carefully written as Ellis does. Too often, autism and neurodivergence in fiction are watered down into “quirky” personality traits or romanticized into something aesthetically digestible. That kind of portrayal feeds the exhausting online discourse that reduces autism to being “a little neuro-spicy,” instead of acknowledging the very real struggles that come with it.

AJ Knight does not shy away from those realities. Ellis’s autism is portrayed with a level of care, vulnerability, and rawness that hit me deeply. In particular, the depiction of meltdowns felt authentic in a way I rarely see represented in media. Those moments were not glamorized or softened for reader comfort; they were messy, emotional, overwhelming, and profoundly human. That honesty is what made Ellis feel so real to me.

Then there’s Issaky. From the little research I did, Issaky appears to be a variation of Isaac, a name associated with laughter, and honestly, that feels incredibly fitting for his role in Ellis’s life. Issaky brings warmth and gentleness into Ellis’s world, but what I loved most is that he never tries to “fix” him. He doesn’t treat Ellis like a project or someone who needs to be changed in order to be loved, he simply allows Ellis to be fully himself and loves him exactly as he is.

One of the smartest stylistic choices in this book is how little direct insight we get into Issaky’s perspective. We only see glimpses of his inner world when it directly intersects with Ellis’s experiences. It keeps the emotional focus rooted in Ellis while also allowing Issaky’s presence to feel grounding, almost like an anchor throughout the story.

If you’re looking for a heartbreaking, emotionally raw MM romance that you can devour in a short amount of time, this is absolutely a book you should pick up. That said, please check the content warnings beforehand, because this story tackles several heavy and potentially triggering topics. This book hurt in the best possible way, and I mean that as the highest compliment I can give.

[Darby · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well this book wrecked me in the best possible ways. I was just 20 pages in and already crying. I like a book that makes me feel something and this book did that all the way through. Still Here is a quick read, but doesn’t lack story.

The main character,Ellis,is autistic. He has had a difficult time. He escapes to a record store where the owner recognizes something in him that he wants to protect. Clyde, the store owner, creates a safe place for Ellis. Clyde ends hiring Ellis to work there.

Clyde has his own story woven into the book through little snippets at the beginning of chapters in the form of letters to someone he loves. As Cylde gets older he starts thinking about what will happen to the store, but also Ellis.

Issaky is the answer to the issues weighing on Clyde’s mind. Issaky is a confident man that is attracted to Ellis. He approaches him with patience and attention to the details that help Ellis keep his world safe. Issaky is a beautiful big green flag.

The romantic relationship builds slowly between Ellis and Issaky. There are a few spicy scenes that burn hot. Consent was done well with Ellis being autistic as by checking in on things that might be overlooked in a neurotypical relationship. I am not sure I can explain this well, but he made it easy for Ellis to say yes or no. He didn’t want to overwhelm Ellis so he communicated clearly and with concise words so Ellis’ brain wouldn’t spin out of control, but could still consent yes or no.

Autism can show up in so many ways, but I really related to the way AJ Knight the author chose to portray Ellis’ autism. Issaky is so thoughtful in seeing Ellis as he is. I enjoyed seeing their relationship develop and how Issaky allowed Ellis to be himself, but also create a kinder, softer place for him in a world that is so harsh and loud.

Some quotes:
“It mattered - the kiss, of course it did. But what mattered more was this: being seen. Being met with care instead of impatience.”

On death, grief, and anger - “Not (angry) at him. At time. At the fact that love doesn’t make anyone immortal.”

“Love doesn’t end because someone dies. And it doesn’t survive unless you keep showing up for it. Even when it is hard. Especially then.”

Loved that this book has:
Autistic representation
LGBTQ representation
BIPOC representation
And has some of my favorite tropes which is found family and slow burn.

Notes on how this book touched me on a personal level: I have not been diagnosed with autism, but have many traits that are on the spectrum. I related to Ellis on a personal level - every page spoke to something in me whether it was his thought process, how he handled change and emotions, or how his emotions affected his body not just his mind. Issaky reminded me of my spouse. She handled what I always characterized as my “quirks” in ways that gave me a safe place to be myself without feeling like I was a burden or not right. She helped me navigate the world so that it didn’t overwhelm as much or make me want to hide from it. This book spoke to me on grief also because my spouse died almost 6 years ago and since then I have had such a hard time navigating the world without her. This book validated much of what I am going through without her as it reminded me of what she did to make my world quieter and safer. Thank you AJ Knight.

[S.S. Nightshade · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a privilege to be an ARC reader, especially for the first book in a series. And what a strong start it was.
General themes/tropes: soft/contemporary romance, LGBTIQ+, queer, forced proximity, mental health, autism, open door romance, adult romance
Triggers/Disclaimers beneath review.


As an avid reader of Queer/MM romance, I was honestly relieved when the story wasn't slowly or suddenly adjusted to fit the expected forms of a romance arc. It remained true to its characters, which for me made it a success.

The main character Ellis, a young man with autism, displayed some very real habits and lenses of being neurodiverse. His needs, interpretations of external stimuli and sometimes inconsistent reactions depending on the day were never curbed, shadowed, or made easier to swallow. The unapologetic transparency, especially in romance, was not only necessary for the character but also gently attentive to reality.
Issaky (the love interest) was also an accurate portrayal of falling for someone who is neurodiverse, while being uninformed of the reality of it. In the beginning, there were misunderstandings and assumptions that were in the moment harmful. That said, he remained open to learning, self-reflected and continued to communicate, rather than attempting to blame or shutting down. And importantly, I enjoyed and applaud that it wasn't his base acceptance of Ellis's traits, but rather his consistent effort and presence to affirm and support him which made Ellis fall for him.

I also enjoyed how it was written. The tone, pacing, structure and descriptions of the world reflected its characters' views, rather than prioritizing the book's genre and tropes. Sentences from Ellis's perspective were simple and straightforward without being bland or lifeless. Patterns of behavior weren't romanticized or censored; they remained considerate and authentic. The emotional moments reflected the sometimes sudden or inconsistent ups and downs of dysregulation, rather than shying away from it.
There were so many moments in this book where my heart swelled, where the idea of 'I'm okay just as I am,' was affirmed within Issaky's consistent, grounding presence and Ellis's personal growth and acceptance of himself.

I am excitedly awaiting what the rest of the series brings.


Triggers/disclaimers: death of a parent (off page), alcoholic parent (on page), death of a parental figure (on page), brief mention of suicide, brief mentions of homophobia/internalized ableism

General reminder: my review is simply my opinion and reflection of how this story applied to my life experience, it is not intended to speak for anyone else.

[Keturah Sergeant · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautiful, emotional story of understanding, connection, adaptation, grief and recovery. The MC finds comfort in his only real safe space, a record shop run an older man who understands his needs and gives him space to organise it as he needs to, a quiet space, a familiar one. But change is inevitable, and it comes in the form of a wealthy young man hoping to preserve local community spaces, by buying them and adapting them as needed. Suffice to say this does not go over well, but as communication persists, and slowly new patterns form, the MC is able to find comfort, find gentleness, find peace in this newness, and love for this new person in his life. There are more obstacles, his home life is damaged, he still has anxiety, being comfortable does not negate mental health or needs, there are arguments, there is pain, there is devastating loss. This couple, in six months of dating work through immense change, miscommunication, difficult pasts, grief and mourning. They work through it together. It is beautiful to read, deeply intimate and emotional throughout.

There is also the letters. The record shop's owner, the kind older man, always understanding, always kind, negotiating for everyone's good. Each chapter begins with a short letter to or from his once-partner, a connection maintained even with distance between them. Each one signed still here. They are quietly sweet, a window into a past relationship that we can no longer see, into struggles, arguments and silence, into love, trust and hope. The moment they stopped, I needed a minute, the silence, the end as poignant and emotional as their presence had been. The ending, the MC emerging from his grief, making a new friend, taking a new step in his relationship, deciding to step back from his family struggles and finally discovering this pocket of history he never knew anything about. It was bittersweet, beautiful and heartbreaking and hopeful.

A beautiful story, through and through. Yes, an adorable romance with sweetness and spice but also so much more.

[Helen Bradley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Still Here is a love story about music as medicine and about finding safe spaces and found family in old milk crates and the dusty floors under creaking shelves at a record store.

It’s also about how bitter and beautiful grief can be, especially the kind of grief that eats you up and swallows you whole and never really leaves you, not really — just changes into something different over time. 

AND, it’s a web of connections between a record store owner, the love of his life, a new investor, an employee, his mother, strawberry drinks, and a taco truck. 

It’s unapologetically spicy and unexpectedly deep. It reminds me of all the best and worst parts of working at a record store (which I did!) and the reality of living with multiple kinds of grief (which I do!) and how sometimes, all we really need is to find people who aren’t burdened by creating space for us. 

And here are the spoilers/specifics: 

Issaky (Is-uh-ky) and Ellis find love through acceptance, kindness, patience, and courage. They learn, together, what it means to make space for each other in spite of discomfort and limitations, and I think it’s really real and sweet and messy and all the things that love actually is when you’re being honest about it.

AJ Knight has created a simply wonderful backdrop for an autistic man and a hot investor to find each other and bang and fall in love. Like, seriously, what more can we ask for here?

The parallel relationship between Clyde (the record store owner) and his partner, that we get to uncover through letters is such a cool, unique addition and I was really impressed by the was that was crafted. Also, a really brilliant way for us (and Ellis) to get closure at the end. 

There are a billion trigger warnings, and you should read them always, but especially if you have a sensitivity to alcoholism and parents that suck and homophobia.

This was my first ARC review — hopefully I did it right? :)

[Blue · Rating 5 out of 5]

Trigger warnings for Still Here include: an alcoholic mother, parental death, on-page character death; mentions of homophobia and internalised ableism
☆
☆
So, my relationship with Issaky as a character definitely wasn't chill. I started out feeling like he was an arse quite frankly. One particular comment he made really rubbed me up the wrong way. The way he said to Ellis "I know change is hard. Especially when it comes from outside. Especially for people like you.” I understand what the intent was behind what he said, but the intent and the impact often aren't the same thing. And it's that kind of line that is often thrown in the faces of autistic people. It made me quite angry actually.
~
"To be seen is to be loved." This quote felt and still feels incredibly important to me. Aside from the fact it's so true with some of my friendships.
~
'He had buried people who had sent texts like that. People who had followed up with reassurances. People who had minimized their own pain right up until they couldn’t anymore. People whose last words had been designed to make others feel less alarmed." This scene hurt me. Seeing Issaky almost completely fall apart after Ellis's text, and the overwhelming concern he had for Ellis's safety, it all felt too close. Every single time I come back to that scene it feels like being hit by a freight train over and over.
~
The relationships that exist in this story are everything. I would've maybe liked to have seen more of the relationship between Ellis and Clyde. And I think it might've been useful for Issaky's character to have seen his relationship with his parents, but that's not the end of the world.
~
There's probably more I vould say, and want to say. But putting my thoughts into words about this book has been a challenge. And I've had a lot of feelings and emotions about it.
•
Thank you to author A.J. Knight for sending me an ARC copy of this book.

[Shanice · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Godly was the only word that came to mind, and it struck Ellis with embarrassing force.”

ARC Review (No Spoilers)

I really, really liked this one. Ellis, who is autistic, works in a record shop and thrives on routine. We get to know his world, his rhythms, and his quirks so intimately that it’s impossible not to want to protect him at all costs.

Then there’s Issaky… confident, warm, smells good (very important ), and completely disruptive to everything Ellis knows. At least, that’s how it feels at first. But what unfolds is something so much softer and more intentional because Issaky doesn’t try to change Ellis; he takes the time to understand him. To meet him where he is. From his little quirks to making sure to never try to throw him off balance.

And that, of course, is where this story really shines.

There’s a steady thread of hurt/comfort throughout, especially as Ellis navigates moments of overwhelm and vulnerability. From his family to his personal relationships, he has a lot to overcome as he tries to understand himself. I had so many points where I just wanted to reach into the pages and hug him. But Issaky’s patience and support from the very beginning made all the difference. It never felt forced, just deeply caring and real. It honestly felt natural and accepting.

I feel like A.J. Knight did such a thoughtful job portraying Ellis that his autistic traits felt authentic and respected. And I have to highlight how refreshing it was to see a well-written Black MMC, both in the story and reflected in the character art. That representation mattered, and it was done beautifully. We appreciate you!

Overall: soft, emotional, and full of heart with a love story that grows most genuinely. It was definitely a swoon-worthy read.

[Sabrina · Rating 5 out of 5]

As someone with an autistic sibling, this story definitely changed how I see my approach with autism in itself. Ellis is, in my personal opinion, at a point in his life where nothing is steady and stable. When Clyde, the record store owner, informs him about selling the record shop, that instability Ellis is already experiencing seems to come down tenfold on him. At this time he meets Issaky, the person who wants to buy the shop. Because Ellis think of the shop as his home, he sees Issaky as a threat. And in his way, That's exactly what Issaky was. Another threat to tip his already unstable life. But as Issaky came to the shop more and Clyde, being the father figure he was, helped ease the pressure of soon taking Clyde's place as owner, Ellis loosened up and started to want to build a relationship with Issaky. Of course it was slow, but that's the best part! Issa never rushed, he always wanted to hear Ellis thoughts and discomforts and truly wanting to know Ellis beside him being autistic. He wanted to understand who Ellis was and how his autism was part of his life. Not change it, diminish it nor give pity. Just genuine curiosity and understanding. I think we can all take a page out of Issaky's book! And what was even more special was the grief Ellis was still experiencing with his dad and soon experienced with Clyde. Issa stepping back so Ellis can grieve and understand his grief in his own way then also going to his plce so he knows he there for him AHHH my heart is melting again just thinking about it!!! I can't express enough how beautiful and wholesome this story was!!! I can't wait to read the second book in the series!!

[Nikki · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book felt like being wrapped in soft music, rain-soaked streets, old vinyl records and quiet understanding.

Set against the dreamy backdrop of the Pacific Northwest, this story follows Ellis, an autistic man whose life revolves around routine, familiarity, and the comfort of the little record shop that has always felt safe to him. When change suddenly arrives in the form of Issaky, someone determined to preserve the community spaces Ellis loves, everything in Ellis’s carefully balanced world begins to shift.

What I loved most about this story was how gentle it felt. Issaky never tries to “fix” Ellis or force him outside of himself. Instead, he listens, adapts, learns his rhythms, and meets him with patience and care every single step of the way. Their relationship develops so naturally through trust, communication, vulnerability, and small moments of understanding that honestly made my chest ache.

This book doesn’t shy away from difficult things either. Grief, anxiety, family struggles, miscommunication, loss… it all feels painfully real. But even in the heaviest moments, there’s still warmth running through the story. There’s comfort in being understood. Comfort in finding someone who makes the world feel a little less sharp around the edges.

And Clyde absolutely shattered me. The letters woven throughout the story added such a quiet emotional depth, and by the end I was fully crying over people who felt achingly real.

This was such a tender, intimate story about change, love, grief, and finding softness in places you never expected. Sweet, emotional, hopeful, and deeply human from beginning to end.

[Sabrina · Rating 5 out of 5]

As someone with an autistic sibling, this story definitely changed how I see my approach with autism in itself.
Ellis is, in my personal opinion, at a point in his life where nothing is steady and stable. When Clyde, the record store owner, informs him about selling the record shop, that instability Ellis is already experiencing seems to come down tenfold on him. At this time he meets Issaky, the person who wants to buy the shop.
Because Ellis think of the shop as his home, he sees Issaky as a threat. And in his way, That's exactly what Issaky was. Another threat to tip his already unstable life. But as Issaky came to the shop more and Clyde, being the father figure he was, helped ease the pressure of soon taking Clyde's place as owner, Ellis loosened up and started to want to build a relationship with Issaky. Of course it was slow, but that's the best part! Issa never rushed, he always wanted to hear Ellis thoughts and discomforts and truly wanting to know Ellis beside him being autistic. He wanted to understand who Ellis was and how his autism was part of his life. Not change it, diminish it nor give pity. Just genuine curiosity and understanding. I think we can all take a page out of Issaky's book! And what was even more special was the grief Ellis was still experiencing with his dad and soon experienced with Clyde. Issa stepping back so Ellis can grieve and understand his grief in his own way then also going to his plce so he knows he there for him AHHH my heart is melting again just thinking about it!!! I can't express enough how beautiful and wholesome this story was!!! I can't wait to read the second book in the series!!

[danie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you to AJ for letting me have the opportunity to be an ARC reader!

This was such a gorgeous, beautiful read with diverse characters, incredible representation of autism, and a love story for the ages.

Ellis is safe and at home in the record store he grew up in... away from the household he wasn't safe in. He had Clyde, the owner who took care of him like a son, the records who he could count on to always be there, and the silence that only a quiet, predictable room can bring. That is until Issaky stumbles into his life. Issaky is everything Ellis hates, uncertainty, unpredictability, and newness. With Issaky's sudden acquisition of the record store, Ellis has to quickly learn how to maintain his quiet and routine existence.

Thankfully, Issaky has not interest in changing up anything. Not the record store, the the quiet room, and definitely not Ellis' life. He does, however, have quite an interest in Ellis. Can Ellis open up enough and find it in himself to allow the change that Issaky is bringing?

AJ does such a great job in creating not only an authentic representation of an autistic character, but one of of the most beautiful quiet relationships I have ever had the pleasure of reading. The relationship between Ellis and Issaky is so pure and beautiful you can't help but root for them as you read along. This is for fans of low angst, forced proximity, slow burn romances that love a good happy ending. I'd absolutely recommend this to everyone looking for a good romance!

[Mykel Greene · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was part of an ARC team for this book and received a copy before publication to review it.

I came into this book with high expectations given who the main characters were. Finding stories that accurately and sensitively portray living with autism is very difficult. Ellis was well written and fully fleshed out. I had no questions about his morals or opinions because his thoughts made sense.

With Issaky, I thoroughly enjoyed how gentle, patient, and compassionate he was with Ellis. Through meltdowns and shutdowns, Issaky proved to be a green flag the whole way through. It’s briefly mentioned that he knew of other people with autism and I would’ve liked that to be explored more because at times his level of patience seemed unrealistic. As a person with audhd myself, I find it frustrating to be patient and understanding the whole time, even if I know the other person’s circumstances.

I think the smutty scenes were handled well. Having autism doesn’t go away when having sex and I love that the author was consistent in the sex scenes.

Loved Clyde to death. I was devastated with what happened to him even though I knew it was coming from the beginning. I adored the author’s portrayal of grief, real grief, and how that can look different for each loss someone survives.

Overall, it was a wonderful read and I’m excited to see what else the author has in store for this series!

[GiveMeBooksOrGiveMeDeath · Rating 5 out of 5]

Still Here is the first book in the Soft Places series.

I didn’t know what to expect when I started this book, but what I got was better than what I had imagined. This was a story about love, overcoming adversity, and about healing through grief. This book has a great cast of characters and great emotional depth. I love that Ellis is autistic and how we get to see how that impacts his experiences in life. As an autistic person myself, it’s nice to have representation. Issaky is a confident and bold person, but is so accepting of Ellis and his needs. It’s so sweet how he notices all the little details and supports Ellis without trying to change who he is. They are just so sweet together. There’s even a few spicy scenes that were pretty hot.
Throughout the book, we see glimpses of Clyde and Jack’s story. For me, I really felt very emotionally attached to them and they broke my heart but in a good way. My favorite part of the book is how it talks about moving forward after grief. I was moved to tears reading it. It was truly beautiful. I hope you read this book and I hope that it moves you as much as it did me. I look forward to the future books in the series and I would like to thank the author for allowing me to read this in advance.

Tropes: Autistic Rep, Slow Burn, Grumpy x Sunshine, Hurt x Comfort, Forced Proximity, Grief x Loss, Healing
Story 5/5 Spice 3/5

[what_emmareadnext · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is really special. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5

Ellis is an autistic adult working at a record store. He has worked there since being a teenager. It’s familiar and safe and so is Clyde, the elderly owner. Ellis keeps his world safe by sticking to routines; safety in repetition allowing him to make sense of a world that feels too much for him sometimes. He lives with an alcoholic mother and traverses that dynamic gently so not to cause any unwanted upheaval in his life.

One day Issaky turns up at the record store to buy it from Clyde and Ellis struggles with what these changes mean. But Issaky doesn’t force Ellis. He is gentle, caring and he takes everything at Ellis’ pace. Gradually the two get to know each other better and a gentle and understanding relationship begins. This isn’t to say there isn’t some angst, because there is. Navigating their dynamic while keeping Ellis’ feelings and needs at the forefront, Issaky brings a quiet confidence to Ellis’ life while never, not once, asking him to be more than he is.

The autism rep is good in this book. Ellis is a complicated character but the world as he sees it is well explained. Would I have liked to see more of Issaky’s back story? Maybe. But it didn’t really detract from the story. This story is about Ellis and how he took a leap and found a soft landing place in Issaky.

[willreadsstuff :-) · Rating 4 out of 5]

(I received an Early Access Copy (ARC) of the book.)
I really liked this book! The pacing was both quick and very slow, which held my attention but didn't demand it. Every word felt so intentional and careful, it was clear how much the author cared about this book. The sense of space was so well done. Navigating space as an autistic person can be so difficult, and its so important that there is a reliable, controllable quiet to retreat to. What Ellis and Issaky have and created was so precious! I really liked the depth of the relationships that these characters had. The pacing was also really good; the quick way Issaky and Ellis were drawn to each other and the fight for emotional intimacy highlighted the stakes of the relationship itself.
The biggest reason why this book is four and not five stars is that I wish we spent more time with Clyde. Clyde, the old man who owns the record store, is central to the plot and the main character's life. His death (which is included in the synopsis) was deeply impactful, both to Ellis as a character, and to me as a reader. However, Clyde's relationships, both to Ellis and others, wasn't really touched on outside of the letters he wrote. Clyde was such an important and wonderful figure, and I wish we got to see more of him.
Fantastic read!! I am so glad I did! It felt like having both headphones on while it rained outside. :)