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Field Guide to Assholes
Have you ever considered taking up the sport of asshole-watching? Much like bird-watching or a trip to the safari park, asshole-watching can be both fun and educational. And, what is more, a thorough knowledge of assholes--their habits, how to identify them and how to best repel their attacks--is an essential skill to learn, for anyone who hopes to make their way through life, asshole-free. This authoritative field guide will ensure that your asshole-watching experience is as safe and informative as possible, through handy tips and the thorough asshole-related knowledge that can only come from extensive life experience. So, whether you are starting in a new job, in a cut-throat industry, or are planning to re-enter the dating scene, or just want to help an asshole friend to reach a better level of self-awareness, you are going to need a guide. With this handy book, the aspiring asshole-watcher can learn to spot all the different varieties of assholery, just like a pro!
- GenresNonfictionHumor
50 pages, Kindle Edition
First published March 5, 2015
3 people are currently reading
457 people want to read
About the author
Alexei Maxim Russell
15 books53 followersAlexei Maxim Russell is a writer of fiction and non-fiction, with a cult following. He is primarily a writer of Fantasy, Crime fiction, Historical Supernatural fiction/non-fiction, Folklore and Philosophy.
His first novel, "Trueman Bradley - Aspie Detective", was published in 2011 by Jessica Kingsley Publishers. It was the first work of literature to feature an openly Autistic detective and has acheived cult classic status in advocacy and educational circles.
His other works include "Trueman Bradley - The Next Great Detective,” "Instruction Manual for the 21st Century Samurai,” The New Home-Owner's Guide to House Spirits,” “The Hiker’s Guide to Nature Spirits” and the "Forgotten Lore" series.
His first novel, "Trueman Bradley - Aspie Detective", was published in 2011 by Jessica Kingsley Publishers. It was the first work of literature to feature an openly Autistic detective and has acheived cult classic status in advocacy and educational circles.
His other works include "Trueman Bradley - The Next Great Detective,” "Instruction Manual for the 21st Century Samurai,” The New Home-Owner's Guide to House Spirits,” “The Hiker’s Guide to Nature Spirits” and the "Forgotten Lore" series.
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
October 16, 2015
This book is very creative, very awesome, and very helpful for Asshole-Watching. Especially the Venn-diagrams at the end of the book! Since I read it on the train I had the opportunity to apply my newly gained knowledge right away.
So why did I not give it the full five stars?
1. Female Assholes are underrepresentated.
2. The author has an excessive use of commata.
3. Sometimes the descriptions of professions felt a little too disrespectful to me.
So why did I not give it the full five stars?
1. Female Assholes are underrepresentated.
2. The author has an excessive use of commata.
3. Sometimes the descriptions of professions felt a little too disrespectful to me.
March 13, 2015
Hilarious and surprisingly accurate lol
September 6, 2016
Ass does not equal Arse
In the American War of Independence, Britain was violently booted out of the US. Violence was also perpetrated on The King’s English by changing the spelling, and meaning, of many English words. Now look you US peoples; Arse means that squishy thing that sits at the lower end of your back, and at the top of your legs. You know – the thing that makes sitting down more comfortable, and the thing that follows us wherever we go - like a faithful Labrador. It contains one orifice for the production of poop (coincidentally which Labradors also seem to do in abundance), which probably also produced the derogatory term, “Arsehole”.
Soooo, if one of you folks were to say, “I’m gonna pop a cap in yo ass”, or perhaps more simply, “I’m gonna kick your ass”, we on this side of The Pacific Ocean would take that as meaning you’re going to travel all the way to Australia, to my hypothetical farm, and kick my poor hypothetical donkey in his backside, or maybe put a bullet in his body somewhere. I won’t mind, but my donkey will be thoroughly pissed off. Since a donkey’s height is about the same as a US man’s groin, and cranky donkeys kick like, well... a mule (d’uh), your family jewels will be flatter than this morning’s flapjacks...and your children will be born bruised.
Hmm. I seem to have wandered off track here. Alexie Maxim Russell’s Field Guide to Assholes had a humorous (but misspelled) title, which got me in. Once in however, I found only a few laughs here and there. Having worked with the general public for the last 40 years, I guess I've seen it all before. It’s scary to think that we not only tolerate Arseholes – we even let them drive! So spotting them only involves a short drive to almost anywhere. And we don't really need a field guide to arseholes because usually, by the second grade, we are adept at identifying and avoiding them.
In the American War of Independence, Britain was violently booted out of the US. Violence was also perpetrated on The King’s English by changing the spelling, and meaning, of many English words. Now look you US peoples; Arse means that squishy thing that sits at the lower end of your back, and at the top of your legs. You know – the thing that makes sitting down more comfortable, and the thing that follows us wherever we go - like a faithful Labrador. It contains one orifice for the production of poop (coincidentally which Labradors also seem to do in abundance), which probably also produced the derogatory term, “Arsehole”.
Soooo, if one of you folks were to say, “I’m gonna pop a cap in yo ass”, or perhaps more simply, “I’m gonna kick your ass”, we on this side of The Pacific Ocean would take that as meaning you’re going to travel all the way to Australia, to my hypothetical farm, and kick my poor hypothetical donkey in his backside, or maybe put a bullet in his body somewhere. I won’t mind, but my donkey will be thoroughly pissed off. Since a donkey’s height is about the same as a US man’s groin, and cranky donkeys kick like, well... a mule (d’uh), your family jewels will be flatter than this morning’s flapjacks...and your children will be born bruised.
Hmm. I seem to have wandered off track here. Alexie Maxim Russell’s Field Guide to Assholes had a humorous (but misspelled) title, which got me in. Once in however, I found only a few laughs here and there. Having worked with the general public for the last 40 years, I guess I've seen it all before. It’s scary to think that we not only tolerate Arseholes – we even let them drive! So spotting them only involves a short drive to almost anywhere. And we don't really need a field guide to arseholes because usually, by the second grade, we are adept at identifying and avoiding them.
April 24, 2015
Hahahhaaahhaa!!!
December 1, 2020
Have to admit I don't tend to be a huge genre of this "identify the type of jerk" genre, but this one was kind of cute and did an interesting job pretending the different varieties of assholes were predators you might be trying to "collect", escape, and or differentiate from one another which appealed to my biology beginnings. Could see this being a fun giveaway at some of my events.
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews