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Boys Will Put You on a Pedestal (So They Can Look Up Your Skirt): A Dad's Advice for Daughters
Life can be pretty tricky when you're a teenage girl.
New things matter: Clothes. Parties. Boys. Suddenly being liked and being popular don't mean the same thing. Your parents get completely bizarre when the subject of dating comes up. A friend you've had forever stabs you in the back for no good reason. Everybody you know seems to feel free to comment on your constantly changing body. Drugs and alcohol go from being what you see "bad" kids doing on television shows to what you see your friends doing when no adults are around. How are you supposed to deal?
Since life doesn't come with a set of instructions, it helps to turn to people who have been through the stuff that you're facing. Even parents can help. (Really!) In Boys Will Put You on a Pedestal (so they can look up your skirt), former teenage boy -- and current dad of two daughters -- Philip Van Munching helps guide you through some of life's most confusing topics. From Beauty to Grief, from Sex to Fate, Van Munching covers the things you most want to know about and, in his wise, warm, and funny way, offers advice on how you can become the young woman you most want to be.
New things matter: Clothes. Parties. Boys. Suddenly being liked and being popular don't mean the same thing. Your parents get completely bizarre when the subject of dating comes up. A friend you've had forever stabs you in the back for no good reason. Everybody you know seems to feel free to comment on your constantly changing body. Drugs and alcohol go from being what you see "bad" kids doing on television shows to what you see your friends doing when no adults are around. How are you supposed to deal?
Since life doesn't come with a set of instructions, it helps to turn to people who have been through the stuff that you're facing. Even parents can help. (Really!) In Boys Will Put You on a Pedestal (so they can look up your skirt), former teenage boy -- and current dad of two daughters -- Philip Van Munching helps guide you through some of life's most confusing topics. From Beauty to Grief, from Sex to Fate, Van Munching covers the things you most want to know about and, in his wise, warm, and funny way, offers advice on how you can become the young woman you most want to be.
175 pages, Paperback
First published May 3, 2005
11 people are currently reading
219 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 54 reviews
November 26, 2008
Loved how this author took 15 touchy topics about life, created a short lead-in to each, followed by sharing advice that could only be learned through life. Very nicely written; funny and sad. No preaching, lecturing or advice with attitude here. Great "ah-ha" moments that touched me more than any other book I have read.
This book is excellent for parents wondering how to discuss the sensitive topic of sex (and many others) with their kids. I commend the author for what he had to say about sex. He talked about how sex INCLUDED any form of physical contact in your "private areas" (mentioned the ridiculous Clinton scandal) and should only be done when you really cared and had developed a fulfilling relationship with someone. And then, enjoy the heck out of it!
Thought the author presented the subject of tattoos in a way that directly coincided with my thoughts. I enjoyed his humor and feel better prepared to present my case AGAINST permanent tattoos. He began by asking about those favorite old t-shirts with the funny sayings we all thought were cute...how our tastes change...something we found funny a year or two (or more) ago, no longer seems so funny. Imagine a permanent saying on our body that we thought was cute several years ago... He mentions temporary tattoos as being a great way to change things and still express yourself. Brings up several examples of people that had tattoos of girlfriends (Johnny Depp)...and how they've tried to get them removed or changed...
How the author explained grief touched me. This chapter is still resonating with me.
Boyfriends! The author tells all! He was a guy and began by telling it like it was--from a young male perspective. Then, he commenced to relay advice on finding a boyfriend. I laughed throughout this section.
The author took on the subject of vulgarity in a way that got my attention. Oh boy. Hadn't thought of it those terms before...
Faith. I was cynical when I started that chapter (and there's a chapter on Cynicism, too). He did an amazing job on this. Hit it right on! Dead center. Amen.
The Internet, Letting Go, Beauty, Fate, Stuff, How to be Happy are some of the other chapters the author broaches in this small, easy-to-read book, full of humorous life stories and lessons learned.
Exceptionally well done and another favorite for This Reader.
This book is excellent for parents wondering how to discuss the sensitive topic of sex (and many others) with their kids. I commend the author for what he had to say about sex. He talked about how sex INCLUDED any form of physical contact in your "private areas" (mentioned the ridiculous Clinton scandal) and should only be done when you really cared and had developed a fulfilling relationship with someone. And then, enjoy the heck out of it!
Thought the author presented the subject of tattoos in a way that directly coincided with my thoughts. I enjoyed his humor and feel better prepared to present my case AGAINST permanent tattoos. He began by asking about those favorite old t-shirts with the funny sayings we all thought were cute...how our tastes change...something we found funny a year or two (or more) ago, no longer seems so funny. Imagine a permanent saying on our body that we thought was cute several years ago... He mentions temporary tattoos as being a great way to change things and still express yourself. Brings up several examples of people that had tattoos of girlfriends (Johnny Depp)...and how they've tried to get them removed or changed...
How the author explained grief touched me. This chapter is still resonating with me.
Boyfriends! The author tells all! He was a guy and began by telling it like it was--from a young male perspective. Then, he commenced to relay advice on finding a boyfriend. I laughed throughout this section.
The author took on the subject of vulgarity in a way that got my attention. Oh boy. Hadn't thought of it those terms before...
Faith. I was cynical when I started that chapter (and there's a chapter on Cynicism, too). He did an amazing job on this. Hit it right on! Dead center. Amen.
The Internet, Letting Go, Beauty, Fate, Stuff, How to be Happy are some of the other chapters the author broaches in this small, easy-to-read book, full of humorous life stories and lessons learned.
Exceptionally well done and another favorite for This Reader.
December 4, 2008
I LOVE THIS BOOK!
Why couldn't this have been published and given to me when I was a teen? Oh, the angst, confusion, and idiocy that could have been avoided.
I originally bought a copy of this book after reading Kathrynn's review of it. I bought a copy for my 13-year old sister and a copy for myself so we could discuss the book.
I would highly recommend this book to any/all teens and their parents. Want a better summary of the book? Check out Kathrynn's review because she does a much better job at summarizing the book than I could ever do. :)
Why couldn't this have been published and given to me when I was a teen? Oh, the angst, confusion, and idiocy that could have been avoided.
I originally bought a copy of this book after reading Kathrynn's review of it. I bought a copy for my 13-year old sister and a copy for myself so we could discuss the book.
I would highly recommend this book to any/all teens and their parents. Want a better summary of the book? Check out Kathrynn's review because she does a much better job at summarizing the book than I could ever do. :)
March 13, 2023
What a great book. Do and do nots from dad to daughter/s. Absolutely lovely, caring, thoughtful and important.
July 7, 2018
The author Philip is a father who is writing a book to his daughter and daughters in general so they are prepared for the workings of life. The following is a synopsis (plus more) of his advice to them.
Right off the bat, he swings with his first, and what he considers the most important advice:
Make glorious mistakes. If you can, try not to make them out of laziness or meanness. Make them instead because you are over reaching your abilities. Make them because you bit off a bit more than you can chew. Make them because they will prove to the world - and more importantly to yourself - that you are striving, and not coasting. Don't be too self critical; no one who really loves you expects you to be perfect. Count on failing every so often, so when success comes, you'll know you've earned it... Oh, and listen to your old man (and mother - my words) from time to time.
1. Stuff.
Growing up most kids are always trying to one up their friends and peers. Whether that's the nicest shoes, clothes, or accessories. But often times you will realize that it's not worth it. And you'll spend unnecessary amounts of money on things that despite building artificial self esteem may be wiped clean when someone else out does you. If you can find a way to have a high self esteem being you, you'll save both money while being you. Stuff can be great but if you're not careful it ends up increasing in price as you age - "cost of being cool goes up."
2. Fate
"fate, if you think about it, is the opposite of romance." By this, I believe Philip means that romance takes time and dedication. If fate could lead to romance than the issues many face in their relationships are illogical.
We, not just females, should realize that there is no" knight in shining armor coming for you, and all you have to do is wait for him." It takes both time dedications. Ups and downs will arise and those who are left standing after the battles of love are the real winners because we all have quirks that we need to work out.
" your "fate" is what you get to shoe every day by what you choose to do or not do." You are in control of your life, to an extent. "Believe in yourself."
" if you really have nothing to do with how your life turns out - if that's all decided by some unseen hand of fate - then how can you take any pride in your accomplishments? Believing in fate means missing the most basic truth about life: you are responsible for you. If you want to be fulfilled you have to get out there and figure out what will fulfill you. If you want to be happy, you have to make your own happiness. "
3. Beauty
Don't let Hollywood provide you with an image of how you should look. The world is diverse. What you are being shown as being the ideal beauty is being shown to the masses because it sells and often times the beauty you see if altered. They are trained, coached, and pampered until they fit the ideal. These beautiful women you see on magazines and on TV may not have the skill sets if they didn't look the way they do.
Instead of focusing on how you look, or if you fit the "ideal." You should focus on how your your body works. Make it work to fit your goals. If you want to be an athlete, eat the right portion of foods and work your butt off. If you want to be a dancer, take the steps to maintain the fitness style required of dancers. Let your body work as best it can for you. Don't torture yourself to fit an ideal especially if you'll be miserable.
Plus relationships based solely on beauty are bound to fail. "on the other hand, your personality, your intelligence, and your sense of humor are not things that can change so readily and if those are things that other people find attractive about you, you can be a little more secure about yourself and the people you attract. "
4. Boyfriends
"Make sure that you date boys because you honestly like them."
"Date guys within a year or two of your own age. " Your age after you're 18 years old and are considered a young adult is a number, but the larger the age gap, the greater the differences that may arise. What a 18 year old finds enjoyable, a person in their late twenties or higher may find boring. Same can apply when you're in middle school and high school. Be wry of males older than you. Always be skeptical of their motives unless they show you otherwise.
"Make sure your boyfriends, or any guys for that matter, treat you with respect." If you don't respect yourself and give in too easily, you'll be walked over. And never let anyone tell you being "hard to pressure" is a bad things. Only do things when you're comfortable and never because it's what everyone else is doing or it's what your partner may want from you. Think long term.
Let them know no means no. Anything aside from yes means no. Don't let anyone ever sexually assault you and if they try let an older adult know. Don't feel like you need to give in for that one guy, a real gentleman will respect your boundaries and will never try to cross them, ever!
5. Cruelty
The ones who often pick on others are often the ones who are hurting on the inside. Being cruel to someone is never good. Be wry of your friends. Sometimes your friends may be wiling to sabotage your friendship for a short term goal of being popular, etc. Never let a friendship let you question their motives.
"People only do to you what you let them." essentially, you can decide if what someone says to you, no matter how horrible will affect you. Are you going to stop living because of some words or are you going to just carry on your life. For most teens, high school is the most frightening time of their lives but once it's over and you become an adult you realize how much time you wasted worrying about such kids. Growing up makes you realize that only a few people matter. Family and the friends that care enough not to back stab you.
6. Letting go.
"The thought of starting over is scary." But so is the idea of staying in a friendship, romantic relationship, hobby, or any situation that is not beneficial to you when things start going downhill. Trying your best to salvage what you can is great and all but there comes a point when you need to realize you just have to let go. The ones worth fighting for will fight back for you if they truly believe what yall had was worth it.
"Learn whatever lessons you can from the things that happen to you, and then put those things aside, and look ahead."
"Keep your eyes on what's ahead of you, and don't waste time on the bad things in your wake, because they have a way of sucking you back into them."
"Letting go is about forgiveness. It's about understanding all your own failings... Forgiving yourself."
7. Internet.
Be careful who you speak with. If you don't know them or have ever spoken with them in person be wry of meeting them. People can "catfish" like no other.
Also keep your private information private. The "free" services you receive from websites like Facebook, Instagram, and other mediums really aren't free. The information you provide them will be sold to marketers and they can and will ruin your life depending on how public you make your private life. Once it's been posted, assume it's on there for a long time, if not forever.
And lastly, even if you're anonymous doesn't mean you need to speak ill of others and try not to let what others say to you harm you. People cyberbully (just like physical bullying) because their life sucks. Don't let your life suck too by getting on their level. It's never fun.
8. Self control.
Don't do it unless you truly want to. Self control is one of the hardest attributes you can develop in your life, but it is a life saver when mastered.
Especially since this book is tailored towards a daughter bound for high school the following applies and to many other people as well:
"If someone is pushing you to do drugs, don't think. Run. Run as far from them as you possibly can." Same can be applied with alcohol. Only do it if you're certain you want to take the chance.
Right off the bat, he swings with his first, and what he considers the most important advice:
Make glorious mistakes. If you can, try not to make them out of laziness or meanness. Make them instead because you are over reaching your abilities. Make them because you bit off a bit more than you can chew. Make them because they will prove to the world - and more importantly to yourself - that you are striving, and not coasting. Don't be too self critical; no one who really loves you expects you to be perfect. Count on failing every so often, so when success comes, you'll know you've earned it... Oh, and listen to your old man (and mother - my words) from time to time.
1. Stuff.
Growing up most kids are always trying to one up their friends and peers. Whether that's the nicest shoes, clothes, or accessories. But often times you will realize that it's not worth it. And you'll spend unnecessary amounts of money on things that despite building artificial self esteem may be wiped clean when someone else out does you. If you can find a way to have a high self esteem being you, you'll save both money while being you. Stuff can be great but if you're not careful it ends up increasing in price as you age - "cost of being cool goes up."
2. Fate
"fate, if you think about it, is the opposite of romance." By this, I believe Philip means that romance takes time and dedication. If fate could lead to romance than the issues many face in their relationships are illogical.
We, not just females, should realize that there is no" knight in shining armor coming for you, and all you have to do is wait for him." It takes both time dedications. Ups and downs will arise and those who are left standing after the battles of love are the real winners because we all have quirks that we need to work out.
" your "fate" is what you get to shoe every day by what you choose to do or not do." You are in control of your life, to an extent. "Believe in yourself."
" if you really have nothing to do with how your life turns out - if that's all decided by some unseen hand of fate - then how can you take any pride in your accomplishments? Believing in fate means missing the most basic truth about life: you are responsible for you. If you want to be fulfilled you have to get out there and figure out what will fulfill you. If you want to be happy, you have to make your own happiness. "
3. Beauty
Don't let Hollywood provide you with an image of how you should look. The world is diverse. What you are being shown as being the ideal beauty is being shown to the masses because it sells and often times the beauty you see if altered. They are trained, coached, and pampered until they fit the ideal. These beautiful women you see on magazines and on TV may not have the skill sets if they didn't look the way they do.
Instead of focusing on how you look, or if you fit the "ideal." You should focus on how your your body works. Make it work to fit your goals. If you want to be an athlete, eat the right portion of foods and work your butt off. If you want to be a dancer, take the steps to maintain the fitness style required of dancers. Let your body work as best it can for you. Don't torture yourself to fit an ideal especially if you'll be miserable.
Plus relationships based solely on beauty are bound to fail. "on the other hand, your personality, your intelligence, and your sense of humor are not things that can change so readily and if those are things that other people find attractive about you, you can be a little more secure about yourself and the people you attract. "
4. Boyfriends
"Make sure that you date boys because you honestly like them."
"Date guys within a year or two of your own age. " Your age after you're 18 years old and are considered a young adult is a number, but the larger the age gap, the greater the differences that may arise. What a 18 year old finds enjoyable, a person in their late twenties or higher may find boring. Same can apply when you're in middle school and high school. Be wry of males older than you. Always be skeptical of their motives unless they show you otherwise.
"Make sure your boyfriends, or any guys for that matter, treat you with respect." If you don't respect yourself and give in too easily, you'll be walked over. And never let anyone tell you being "hard to pressure" is a bad things. Only do things when you're comfortable and never because it's what everyone else is doing or it's what your partner may want from you. Think long term.
Let them know no means no. Anything aside from yes means no. Don't let anyone ever sexually assault you and if they try let an older adult know. Don't feel like you need to give in for that one guy, a real gentleman will respect your boundaries and will never try to cross them, ever!
5. Cruelty
The ones who often pick on others are often the ones who are hurting on the inside. Being cruel to someone is never good. Be wry of your friends. Sometimes your friends may be wiling to sabotage your friendship for a short term goal of being popular, etc. Never let a friendship let you question their motives.
"People only do to you what you let them." essentially, you can decide if what someone says to you, no matter how horrible will affect you. Are you going to stop living because of some words or are you going to just carry on your life. For most teens, high school is the most frightening time of their lives but once it's over and you become an adult you realize how much time you wasted worrying about such kids. Growing up makes you realize that only a few people matter. Family and the friends that care enough not to back stab you.
6. Letting go.
"The thought of starting over is scary." But so is the idea of staying in a friendship, romantic relationship, hobby, or any situation that is not beneficial to you when things start going downhill. Trying your best to salvage what you can is great and all but there comes a point when you need to realize you just have to let go. The ones worth fighting for will fight back for you if they truly believe what yall had was worth it.
"Learn whatever lessons you can from the things that happen to you, and then put those things aside, and look ahead."
"Keep your eyes on what's ahead of you, and don't waste time on the bad things in your wake, because they have a way of sucking you back into them."
"Letting go is about forgiveness. It's about understanding all your own failings... Forgiving yourself."
7. Internet.
Be careful who you speak with. If you don't know them or have ever spoken with them in person be wry of meeting them. People can "catfish" like no other.
Also keep your private information private. The "free" services you receive from websites like Facebook, Instagram, and other mediums really aren't free. The information you provide them will be sold to marketers and they can and will ruin your life depending on how public you make your private life. Once it's been posted, assume it's on there for a long time, if not forever.
And lastly, even if you're anonymous doesn't mean you need to speak ill of others and try not to let what others say to you harm you. People cyberbully (just like physical bullying) because their life sucks. Don't let your life suck too by getting on their level. It's never fun.
8. Self control.
Don't do it unless you truly want to. Self control is one of the hardest attributes you can develop in your life, but it is a life saver when mastered.
Especially since this book is tailored towards a daughter bound for high school the following applies and to many other people as well:
"If someone is pushing you to do drugs, don't think. Run. Run as far from them as you possibly can." Same can be applied with alcohol. Only do it if you're certain you want to take the chance.
June 27, 2024
Some points were fair, but did not enjoy blaming sexual assault on victims and the passive aggressive bashing of women who wear more revealing clothes. “I know it’s unfair, but I don’t really care, also don’t enjoy your youth because boys will think you’re a slut” kind of vibes. Men just can’t wright self help books for girls 🤷🏻♀️they just don’t get IT!
August 18, 2018
Although there were a few minor points I didn't agree with the author on, it had some amazing content. It was written in a clear, understandable way. There were great examples and stories to help better understand the male mind and some of life's best and most important lessons for young ladies, and everybody else to be honest.
October 15, 2011
The best advice he seems to be able to come up with is tattoos are terrible, atheists are stupid (but astrology is a sham) and girls who get drunk (even when the rapist is also talking them into drinking more) deserve to be raped. Very classy. Glad I never got this kind of fatherly advice!
March 2, 2021
unbelievably great information for EVERY dad with a daughter
Read
August 7, 2020Tôi đã có ý định mua từ rất lâu khi mới nhìn thấy cái tựa của nó!!! "Nghe bố này con gái những điều về cuộc sống bố muốn con biết" nói về một ông bố ở một đát nước cách ta cả nửa vòng trái đất nói với con gái mình về tình yêu, cuộc sống, các mối quan hệ,......nhưng sao nó lại quá đỗi thân quen :) như những điều ta vẫn thấy hằng ngày....:)) Qua mỗi lời tâm sự của ong bố Philip ta cũng thấy hiểu bố mình hơn dù không thể hiện ra nhưng bố lại cho ta rất nhiều thứ.........Con muốn nói "Bố ơi, con cảm ơn bố nhiều lắm ♥!!!"
January 14, 2021
Một cuốn sách hay cho những cô gái mới lớn. Cuốn này mình đọc năm 2013, sau nhiều năm đọc lại vẫn thấy ngẫm ra được nhiều điều trong đó.
"Mỗi một sai lầm lại là một cơ hội để bạn tự thấy rằng những điều bạn muốn đạt được cần sự nỗ lực rất lớn. Hãy mắc những sai lầm vinh quang. Nếu được thì đừng mắc sai lầm vì sự lười biếng hay bất cần. Hãy mắc sai lầm vì bạn đi vượt quá khả năng của mình. Hãy mắc sai lầm vì bạn đã cắn một miếng to hơn mức bạn có thể nhai [...] Hãy chấp nhận thất bại như những chuyện bình thường, để khi thành công đến, bạn biết mình đã giành được nó!"
"Mỗi một sai lầm lại là một cơ hội để bạn tự thấy rằng những điều bạn muốn đạt được cần sự nỗ lực rất lớn. Hãy mắc những sai lầm vinh quang. Nếu được thì đừng mắc sai lầm vì sự lười biếng hay bất cần. Hãy mắc sai lầm vì bạn đi vượt quá khả năng của mình. Hãy mắc sai lầm vì bạn đã cắn một miếng to hơn mức bạn có thể nhai [...] Hãy chấp nhận thất bại như những chuyện bình thường, để khi thành công đến, bạn biết mình đã giành được nó!"
February 2, 2024
Loving, funny, intelligent, and sensible advice from a dad to his daughters. This book is accessible and charming, highly recommended for the 11-14 year old set....and for their parents. Bravo to Philip Van Munching for broaching such topics as sex, popularity, faith, the internet, tattoos, grieving, and many more. The book is almost 20 years old...and I wish this gifted writer (who is now a grandfather) would write a sequel! Five stars.
November 18, 2024
Okay first off, why am I crying at THE LAST PARAGRAPH OF THE BOOK🥺🥲
A book I wish I would’ve read earlier in life!
Only reason I’m giving it 4/5 and not a perfect score is because there is some biases due to when the book was written. But with this in mind even with the biases I understand where the author is coming from.
I love how this book was written, super easy to relate with as well.
A book I wish I would’ve read earlier in life!
Only reason I’m giving it 4/5 and not a perfect score is because there is some biases due to when the book was written. But with this in mind even with the biases I understand where the author is coming from.
I love how this book was written, super easy to relate with as well.
September 21, 2017
Sexist garbage. This book was given to me as a teenager and if you want to give your daughter a complex, by all means, use this book to do it. If you want your daughter to grow up with a healthy sexuality and self-esteem, look elsewhere.
February 12, 2020
Really cute book. I love the breezy way the author talks about hard things.
It helped me with my pre teen daughter because I recognized I wish I would’ve had these kinds of conversations myself when I was a teen!
It helped me with my pre teen daughter because I recognized I wish I would’ve had these kinds of conversations myself when I was a teen!
December 24, 2025
While i don't always agree with Philip, or understand why he thinks or writes the way he does, this book was still a solid understanding on important topics that should be the point of conversation for any parent during their child's developmental years.
March 3, 2018
I loved when the robots and milkmaids and when the paper tried to take over the world.It is a real page turner.
July 30, 2020
Though this is a book meant for young adults, I found it to be a good reminder of what is important in life.
September 20, 2020
Cuốn sách đầu tiên được cô giáo dạy văn tặng và cũng là khởi nguồn của thói quen đọc sách hiện tại.
February 26, 2025
Thank you vroski
March 17, 2025
I remember being gifted and loving this book as a teen! A light & practical advice book for teen girls from a humorous fatherly voice.
March 22, 2017
Terrible. Naff. Uninteresting.
June 9, 2021
To my mom, who became both parents instead of one and who always gave me everything I ever needed and more, and to my dad, the other half of my heart who I miss and love to the moon and back, I know you're listening, this is for you.
Every couple of years since the age of about 10 I would receive a copy of Boys Will Put You on a Pedestal (So They Can Look Up Your Skirt): A Dad's Advice for Daughters by Philip Van Munching, To the point I now have at least 3 sitting on my shelf, all of them from my lovely mother who believed in me and my abilities so hard she wanted to teach me every lesson she could pass on as well as others, I had yet to experience in life.
Looking back I'd like to think she used something she calls "Mother's Intuition" for exactly this moment down the road where I'd be now - 22 Years old almost 23, looking down at what would be my dad's 53rd birthday - feeling lost, feeling confused, feeling sad and feeling hurt all of it weighing me down. Desperately in need of a hug and advice only a mother with a father's absent wisdom could fix in the midst of all the emotional chaos, I thought of the book.
Well Mom…It only took me 11 years of growth, hardship, loss and 3 copies to finally sit down and read it.
The day before my now passed (I don't like the word deceased) father's birthday I sat down on my closet floor and pulled out our book…reading the inscribed message you wrote for me - Christmas 2010 that seems not very long ago, though looking at it now it feels far away. That night I brought it to bed and I started to read.
When I told you I was finally after all these years actually going to read the book your only response was: I believe books come to us when we need them the most - once again mom, you were right books do come to us when we need them most.
Halfway through my reading I decided to send you a text and share my thoughts here they are:
To Mom: "Okay, I'm about halfway through the famous book now and the first few things I can say is wow, why didn't I listen to you 11 years ago and read it the first time and then maybe many other times because a lot of these lessons and things I didn't know at that time, I came to do in life anyways (laughs), The second thing is of course this book would be your favorite book it even references Meatloaf's Paradise by the Dashboard Lights (aka my mother's all-time favorite song) (laughs) but the final thing I have to say about it so far is I think if I didn't read it now I wouldn't be able to look back on those moments as I do now, nor would I understand the references as I do now. So maybe, just maybe it was meant for me now and not then, but either way you did me a huge service by making sure I read it one way or the other - I love you and thank you for leading and guiding me to have my best life."
If you take anything from what I just wrote, take this - Life is short, lessons are hard but a mother's advice is the most important thing she can pass onto you even if she's doing it from a father's perspective. I love you both and once again - thank you.
Every couple of years since the age of about 10 I would receive a copy of Boys Will Put You on a Pedestal (So They Can Look Up Your Skirt): A Dad's Advice for Daughters by Philip Van Munching, To the point I now have at least 3 sitting on my shelf, all of them from my lovely mother who believed in me and my abilities so hard she wanted to teach me every lesson she could pass on as well as others, I had yet to experience in life.
Looking back I'd like to think she used something she calls "Mother's Intuition" for exactly this moment down the road where I'd be now - 22 Years old almost 23, looking down at what would be my dad's 53rd birthday - feeling lost, feeling confused, feeling sad and feeling hurt all of it weighing me down. Desperately in need of a hug and advice only a mother with a father's absent wisdom could fix in the midst of all the emotional chaos, I thought of the book.
Well Mom…It only took me 11 years of growth, hardship, loss and 3 copies to finally sit down and read it.
The day before my now passed (I don't like the word deceased) father's birthday I sat down on my closet floor and pulled out our book…reading the inscribed message you wrote for me - Christmas 2010 that seems not very long ago, though looking at it now it feels far away. That night I brought it to bed and I started to read.
When I told you I was finally after all these years actually going to read the book your only response was: I believe books come to us when we need them the most - once again mom, you were right books do come to us when we need them most.
Halfway through my reading I decided to send you a text and share my thoughts here they are:
To Mom: "Okay, I'm about halfway through the famous book now and the first few things I can say is wow, why didn't I listen to you 11 years ago and read it the first time and then maybe many other times because a lot of these lessons and things I didn't know at that time, I came to do in life anyways (laughs), The second thing is of course this book would be your favorite book it even references Meatloaf's Paradise by the Dashboard Lights (aka my mother's all-time favorite song) (laughs) but the final thing I have to say about it so far is I think if I didn't read it now I wouldn't be able to look back on those moments as I do now, nor would I understand the references as I do now. So maybe, just maybe it was meant for me now and not then, but either way you did me a huge service by making sure I read it one way or the other - I love you and thank you for leading and guiding me to have my best life."
If you take anything from what I just wrote, take this - Life is short, lessons are hard but a mother's advice is the most important thing she can pass onto you even if she's doing it from a father's perspective. I love you both and once again - thank you.
October 31, 2012
Boys Will Put You on a Pedestal is the best $0.75 I've ever spent at McKay Used Bookstore. I picked it up because the cover was eye-catching, smiled at the subtitle and bought it after reading the back of the book. It was worth every penny and then some.
Philip Van Munching writes in a conversational, authentic, heartfelt style to his own daughters - and any daughter. His advice is honest - several times he acknowledges that the advice he offers is a result of society's double standard (i.e. that a boy can tell potty-mouthed jokes and it is more acceptable than if a girl does) and while he doesn't like the double standards, they are a fact of life.
I don't agree with Van Munching on everything (I think my faith is a bigger part of my daily life and therefore informs my parenting more), but I didn't wildly disagree with him on anything. Perhaps most importantly, he does something that I am loathe to do in my own parenting - he sprinkles his advice with stories from his own life. And while I know rationally that my children not only love, but need, to hear stories from my past, I am not successful in sharing these tidbits - partly because I don't want my daughters to hear my stories and take my path and partly because I can't relay my story without shame - it hurts to remember, recall and recount. This book encourages me to find the stories I can share and share them - and to have my husband offer his stories with even more frequency than he already does.
I let my 11 year old and 12 year old daughters read this book - partly as foundation for conversations and partly to give them a view into the advice other parents offer their children. They loved the humor and the honesty and it was appropriate for them, given other conversations we have already had with them about issues addressed in this book. I read the book before giving it to either of my daughters and I would recommend the same for any parent who is considering this book as one to start some parent/child conversations. But I do recommend you read it. I think it can be easy as a Christian parent to lean too heavily on parenting books only by Christian authors. Yet those books tend to minimize certain issues and some can lack an honesty that my children and I find appealing. If I want to raise children who are truly equipped to deal with all they will encounter, I think I should read and share sources with them from a variety of venues and viewpoints. That the viewpoint offered in Boys Will Put You on a Pedestal happens to be so readable and entertaining is an added bonus.
Philip Van Munching writes in a conversational, authentic, heartfelt style to his own daughters - and any daughter. His advice is honest - several times he acknowledges that the advice he offers is a result of society's double standard (i.e. that a boy can tell potty-mouthed jokes and it is more acceptable than if a girl does) and while he doesn't like the double standards, they are a fact of life.
I don't agree with Van Munching on everything (I think my faith is a bigger part of my daily life and therefore informs my parenting more), but I didn't wildly disagree with him on anything. Perhaps most importantly, he does something that I am loathe to do in my own parenting - he sprinkles his advice with stories from his own life. And while I know rationally that my children not only love, but need, to hear stories from my past, I am not successful in sharing these tidbits - partly because I don't want my daughters to hear my stories and take my path and partly because I can't relay my story without shame - it hurts to remember, recall and recount. This book encourages me to find the stories I can share and share them - and to have my husband offer his stories with even more frequency than he already does.
I let my 11 year old and 12 year old daughters read this book - partly as foundation for conversations and partly to give them a view into the advice other parents offer their children. They loved the humor and the honesty and it was appropriate for them, given other conversations we have already had with them about issues addressed in this book. I read the book before giving it to either of my daughters and I would recommend the same for any parent who is considering this book as one to start some parent/child conversations. But I do recommend you read it. I think it can be easy as a Christian parent to lean too heavily on parenting books only by Christian authors. Yet those books tend to minimize certain issues and some can lack an honesty that my children and I find appealing. If I want to raise children who are truly equipped to deal with all they will encounter, I think I should read and share sources with them from a variety of venues and viewpoints. That the viewpoint offered in Boys Will Put You on a Pedestal happens to be so readable and entertaining is an added bonus.
September 3, 2013
This book was given to me by a friend whose daughter recently moved out. Although the title is a joke (admittedly borrowed from Steve Martin) this book actually has plenty of sound advice.
It was written by a man to his daughters, and subsequently all daughters/young women about not only boys and sex, that is really only about a chapter or 2, but about self respect and becoming a young woman. He discusses things from beauty to self control and getting tattoos, to vulgarity, to faith, to grief and letting go, and he does it in a conversational way, not being preachy or saying 'do it this way or you're dumb'.
In the chapter on cynicism he says 'Cynicism is the belief in nothing...that things are really rotten.' 'To have faith is to risk having your heart broken, and the cynic isn't willing to take that risk...It must be hard, being so joyless.' Speaking of someone who tried and failed he says 'He pushed himself beyond his abilities, and so his failure was a noble one. (He) was willing to risk (it) for the chance to see what he was really capable of. That's not a reason to become cynical. That's a reason to have faith.'
While I don't agree with every word, I think the book is full of much good advice and plan on having my teenage daughters read it for themselves. With a highlighter.
It was written by a man to his daughters, and subsequently all daughters/young women about not only boys and sex, that is really only about a chapter or 2, but about self respect and becoming a young woman. He discusses things from beauty to self control and getting tattoos, to vulgarity, to faith, to grief and letting go, and he does it in a conversational way, not being preachy or saying 'do it this way or you're dumb'.
In the chapter on cynicism he says 'Cynicism is the belief in nothing...that things are really rotten.' 'To have faith is to risk having your heart broken, and the cynic isn't willing to take that risk...It must be hard, being so joyless.' Speaking of someone who tried and failed he says 'He pushed himself beyond his abilities, and so his failure was a noble one. (He) was willing to risk (it) for the chance to see what he was really capable of. That's not a reason to become cynical. That's a reason to have faith.'
While I don't agree with every word, I think the book is full of much good advice and plan on having my teenage daughters read it for themselves. With a highlighter.
January 6, 2015
I give this 3 1/2 stars. The chapter on Internet safety is dated, but somehow still relevant, which is an accomplishment. I had many laugh out loud moments and even managed to listen to about half of it with my daughter, who is the age to put on a pedestal so others can see up her skirt.
Note for the squeamish parents: There is a chapter about intimacy, but it never goes into mechanics or a discussion of details about pleasure. It's handled really well, and is a chapter my daughter and I listened to together.
The stories the author relays could help parents get across to a teen that his/her parents aren't sharing unique and odd experiences when the parents relay their own stories. These stories are ones all parents have and the truths are more universal than the teens might wish to admit.
It covers sex, gossip, drugs and alcohol, finding (making) happiness, materialism (covertly), and the high school scene in just a few short pages. The audiobook is great because it's just like listening to a parent, which teens love to do. I recommend planning a trip to the mall and nonchalantly turning this on. your teen will laugh just as mine did. And between the laughs, a bond will strengthen invisibly as the teen notices that maybe Mom and Dad aren't as stupid as they appear to be.
Note for the squeamish parents: There is a chapter about intimacy, but it never goes into mechanics or a discussion of details about pleasure. It's handled really well, and is a chapter my daughter and I listened to together.
The stories the author relays could help parents get across to a teen that his/her parents aren't sharing unique and odd experiences when the parents relay their own stories. These stories are ones all parents have and the truths are more universal than the teens might wish to admit.
It covers sex, gossip, drugs and alcohol, finding (making) happiness, materialism (covertly), and the high school scene in just a few short pages. The audiobook is great because it's just like listening to a parent, which teens love to do. I recommend planning a trip to the mall and nonchalantly turning this on. your teen will laugh just as mine did. And between the laughs, a bond will strengthen invisibly as the teen notices that maybe Mom and Dad aren't as stupid as they appear to be.
January 31, 2010
This is a book written by a father of two teenage girls. One day he literally steps in front of a bus in New York and is almost killed. This starts him thinking about the life advice he has been meaning to share with his daughters and what if something happened and he never got around to it? There are chapters on Drinking, Drugs, Tattoos, BOYS, Clothing Fads, Death of a Friend, Karma and Religion, The Internet, How to be Happy, etc. I found myself nodding my head and grinning often while reading this book and I would definitely recommend it. He puts in a lot of witty anecdotes from his high school and college days which keeps the narrative flowing and never sounds like he is talking down to his audience. I immediately handed it to my oldest daughter when I finished and she is reading it right now. I think the book is an excellent conversation-starter about important subjects--even if you don't totally agree with his viewpoint, it is a useful starting place to get a dialogue going with your teen or pre-teen.
December 11, 2012
What started off as an earnest attempt at helping his daughters through life became kind of a preachy self-righteous musings at times. I get that his demographic is his daughters, but he's also using the nostalgic parent angle. I get that this is supposed to be Chicken Soup for the Cautious Parent's Soul, but he makes everything seem black and white, which is less than reasonable or fair to his daughters. All premarital sex, tattoos and swear words are bad. He even complains that Eddie Murphy let him down in a live performance by swearing. This dude is why Dr. Phil is taken at his word. He's a humorist for people without an edge. He has many moments of thoughtful observations of life and how to make it through successfully. In those regards, he's terrific. But then he says God is his own proof and people don't know how to love and whatever the fuck ever, every dopey mother at Walmart probably bought this for her daughter instead of telling them about the real world. He's a talented storyteller. I just wish he was less forcibly vanilla and had some confetti sprinkles in there.
February 7, 2017
I wish I had received some of this sage advice when I was growing up and struggling with bullying kids, popularity issues, questions about sex, clothes, vulgar language. The author is right when he says these sorts of discussions are not well received in the heat of any problem, but rather they are lessons to be learned when kids are feeling more objective.
June 14, 2011
I guess 2.5 stars, if I had to figure it out - somewhere between 'it was OK,' and 'I liked it'. There were some parts I did like - "I don't think I've followed a single piece of guidance that was given to me by someone who was lecturing; nothing that started with "Let me tell you something" or "You need to listen to this" has ever sunk in very deep. All the good stuff has come in conversation, usually with people who were simply passing along their own experiences." - and some double standard-y, too traditional for the way my mind actually works stuff that brought the rest of it down, in my opinion.
May 10, 2013
A must read for every parent, whether you have a girl or boy. I enjoyed this so much, I plan to purchase it and give it to my oldest daughter, who will be off to college. Every bit of parental advice I have nagged them about for years, maybe through the voice of another person my children will take some of. This should be a book given to parents when they leave the hospital with their newborn. Mr Van Munching discusses everything from self-respect to alcohol to drugs to faith and so on, handling these topics at times in a light-hearted way other times from real life experiences. Happy reading!!!!!!
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