The Confessions of X

by Suzanne M. Wolfe

Before he became the sainted church father of Christianity, Augustine of Hippo began a love affair with a young woman whose name has been lost to history. They were together for over thirteen years, and she bore him a son. This is her story.

She met Augustine in Carthage when she was just seventeen years old. She was the daughter of a tile-layer. He was a student and the heir to a fortune. They fell in love, despite her lower station and Augustine’s dreams of greatness. Their passion was strong, but the only position in his life that was available to her was as his concubine. When Augustine’s ambition and family compelled him to disown his relationship with the her, X was thrust into a devastating reality as she was torn from her son and sent away to her native Africa.

A reflection of what it means to love and lose, this novel paints a gripping and raw portrait of ancient culture, appealing to historical fiction fans while deftly exploring one woman’s search for identity and happiness within very limited circumstances

Genres: Historical Fiction, Fiction, Christian Fiction, Historical, Romance, Religion, Faith

304 pages, Paperback

First published January 26, 2016

About the author

Suzanne M. Wolfe grew up in Manchester, England and read English Literature at Oxford University, where she co-founded the Oxford C.S. Lewis Society. She served as Writer in Residence at Seattle Pacific University and taught literature and creative writing there for nearly two decades. Wolfe is the author of three novels: A Murder by Any Name (Crooked Lane), The Confessions of X (HarperCollins/Nelson, 2016, winner of the Christianity Today Book of the Year Award), and Unveiling (Paraclete Press, 2018, winner of the Award of Merit from the Christianity Today Book of the Year Awards). Thirty years ago, she and her husband, Gregory Wolfe, co-founded Image, a journal of the arts and faith. She and her husband are the parents of four grown children. They live in Richmond Beach, Washington.

Reviews

[Rachel McMillan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quick Take: this is literary historical fiction at its best. A deft and nuanced look at women's roles in ancient times as well as a gorgeous tapestry of philosophy and love. This was a surprising voice for me and a brilliant addition to Nelson's growing and varied book program.

[Jane · Rating 5 out of 5]

An amazing beautifully written novel-- the character-driven fictional reminiscences of the longtime unnamed concubine of Augustine, called by him "Una" [The one] in his famous Confessions, but unnamed in the novel. He is known to posterity as Blessed or St. Augustine, the famous bishop of Hippo in North Africa, and the novel follows him, his concubine, and son before he answers his call to the spiritual life. X is a woman "lost to history"; the author has conceived a perfectly plausible persona for her. She is the daughter of a poor mosaic-maker, travelling with her father and helping him in his trade. She meets the young student, Augustine, and in a church for which her father has made mosaics, they pledge life together and eternal faithfulness to each other. The novel follows her throughout her life with him in North Africa, Rome, and Milan and afterwards she gives him up by returning by herself to North Africa, not wanting to stand in the way of his professional advancement. The novel explores the nature of love in its many guises-- love of sweetheart, father, of son, of dear friends and of loss and heartbreak.

A stunning novel, one I am glad to have read and will never forget. I knew the very basic story, but often my eyes would mist over with tears and I'd have to stop temporarily, get my breath, use tissue after tissue and continue. The characters were so REAL and the writing so gorgeous. I entered fully into the story and could anguish with them. The pears/pear tree seemed to me to symbolize, first of satisfying physical hunger; then Monica's dream expressed Augustine's hunger for complete peace in his life. The pear tree in the bishop's courtyard where X sits and narrates her story tells us that he has found what he's looking for.

Most highly recommended.

[Beth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finding the words to express my feelings about this beautiful book is difficult. "X" became a real person to me, from her travels with her father a mosaic layer with an artist's touch to her bereft heart as he leaves her in her aunt's care. She longs to travel with him again, to see her friend Nebridius, but one day her father doesn't return, and thus her life is propelled on a different - one that will lead her to meet Augustine, as well as set the course for tremendous joy and heartache. Wolfe explores this anonymous woman and creates a compelling picture of the relationship between Augustine and his concubine, here simply called "X," in keeping with her name being lost to history. While she is loved and taken care of by Augustine, their life is not easy. Life in general was not easy in late antiquity, often precarious and rife with suffering, which Wolfe deals with honestly and respectfully.

Wolfe's writing immerses the reader fully in ancient Carthage; the heat of the desert, the dangers of every day life, as well as the rules regarding the roles of women are so well realized in the story. "X's" first-person narration is finely done - her voice is distinct. Wolfe's prose is almost poetic at times, rife with lush descriptions, as well as deeply emotive.

"...we scrubbed the tesserae brushes dipped in sand and oil and then rubbed them with leather cloths, smoothing and burnishing until the whole floor shone, my father explaining that any roughness in the surface would catch on sandals, dislodge the tiles, and destroy the mosaic over time. Such polishing we do to our memories so they will not snag on our souls and cause us to stumble."

With that lovely passage, I felt myself fall deeply into the story, though I worried for what I knew was to come for her. I have a fairly rudimentary knowledge of Augustine, but seeing him through her eyes has such impact. Her deep love for him, their son Adeodatus, as well as others in his family, and her heartbreaking sacrifice is the biggest take away from this novel. I am appreciative to the author for giving this anonymous woman a voice, and I also appreciate the historical notes explaining that he most likely kept her name out of his writing in order to protect her, not out of shame or embarrassment. Details like this, as well as what concubine meant in those days in comparison to it's modern connotation are fascinating. These immersive historical details and more, along with X's strong characterization make The Confessions of X one of my favorite reads this year.

I received a complimentary copy of this novel from the publisher. I was not required to post a positive review; this is my honest opinion.

[Jocelyn Green · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read this book from start to finish in two days. The narrative voice is stunning in word choice and thoughtfulness, and the settings are thick and rich. I found it a profound concept, that Augustine's concubine would have been the one to teach him what divine love is, and that her common sense observations refuted his early Manichee beliefs. Wolfe ranks among the most talented historical authors I've read, reminding me of Geraldine Brooks in her ability to make really old history come alive. Because of the structure and pacing, this feels far more character-driven than plot-driven, though the two cannot really be separated.

I was left feeling a bit bereft at the end of the book, partly because X's belief system never seemed to offer her much hope, and partly because the story ends close to her death [this is not a spoiler, I promise] and with a note of futility. I don't mind books that don't have a conventional happily ever after. I don't even mind books that end with the protagonist close to death. But I have read others which conclude with such triumph over death that I was hoping for a little more of that here.

However, Wolfe did stick as close to what she knew about Augustine and X as she could, so my feeling bereft may be not with the novel but with the history itself, which is no fault of the author's. I am still richer for having read this book. The writing was so beautiful I did find myself pausing to reread and savor the lines several times.

[Susan Snodgrass · Rating 3 out of 5]

Let me start out by saying I would not have purchased this book because of its content. I was given this book to review.

I know I'm the odd man out here, but I can't give this book a great review. It's marketed as Christian fiction, yet it is told in the voice of a concubine, detailing her love for St. Augustine before his conversion. It may be great historical fiction and I can't fault the historicity of it at all and the prose is done well, but I can't agree with the subject matter as a Christian fiction book.

The book is not vulgar or profane, nor is it explicit; I just think if a book is marketed as Christian fiction, it should bring glory to God; this does not, in my honest opinion. Rather, it seems to dwell on the illicit side of a relationship. The author is quick to point out that this type of relationship was common and accepted in the ancient world. That may be entirely so; I did not research it. However, that type of relationship is called sin in the Bible. I am not a prude. I have read Christian fiction that had sin in it before, but always brief and in the light of God's grace redeeming the sinner. And I am aware of St. Augustine's redemption, but this is the concubine's story, not the redeemed saint's.

I know many will not agree with me and that's totally fine. I just couldn't get behind this as Christian fiction.

*I was provided a free copy of this book in exchange for my honest review, which I have given.

[Staci · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully written novel told from the perspective of Augustine's concubine. This novel is based upon factual history of Augustine, his concubine, Augustine's mother Monica and many others. My favorite type of historical fiction is one based upon fact.

In reading this novel, I could feel the emotions that X went through on her life's journey. She made tremendous sacrifices resulting from her love for Augustine.

In addition to feeling the emotions, I could also visualize her world in Carthage and Rome. The sights and smells were eloquently described.

I highly recommend this novel for fans of historical fiction. In particular, readers that enjoyed The Advocate by Randy Singer would likely find this novel a welcome read.

Thank you to Thomas Nelson & Zondervan's Fiction Guild for a complimentary copy of this novel. The opinions expressed are my own.

[Jeffrey · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've posted some thoughts at http://www.lookingcloser.org/2016/04/...

[Irma Sincera · Rating 3 out of 5]

Istorija apie bevardę Augustine of Hippo susuglovę (bent jau taip verčia concubine, bet realiai tai yra gevenimo partnerė, kurios dėl to meto įstatymų negali vesti). Pasirodo tas bičas kažkoks reikšmingas krikščionybei, bet aš toli nuo tos parapijos, tai man nieko jo vardas nesakė. O pati istorija yra reali, autorė tik aišku panaudojo daug kūrybinės laisvės ir pavertė ją patogesne jos pasakojimui.
Knyga buvo kaip viena monotoniška melodija, tempas viso pasakojimo toks vienodas, jokios įtampos. Nepavadinčiau nuobodžia, nes susiskaitė greitai. Bet gal ir dėl to, kad vietomis aprašymai tokie detalūs, kažkokio nereikšmingo objekto, kad galima laisvai peršokti paragrafą ir nieko nepraleisti.
Pasirinkau knygą dėl paslaptingo viršelio ir veiksmo Kartaginoje, kurioje teko lankytis. Tačiau vienintelis intriguojantis aspektas ir tėra viršelis, bei labai trūko laikmečio atmosferos sukūrimo.
Autorė siekė sukurti istorijos užmirštos ir niekam nežinomos X pavadintos moters portretą. Šis aspektas jai pavyko, manau puikiai pavaizduotas jos gyvenimas tame laikotarpyje, išgyvenimai, socialinė padėtis ir kaip personažas buvo išbaigtas.
Nesuprantu tik, kam knygos aprašyme papasakoti beveik visą istoriją, gerai, kad aš jų neskaitau prieš pradedant knygą, nes kitaip nelabai kas liktų naujo siužete.

[Kelly Bridgewater · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m really not a fan of historical fiction, especially when it covers stories written in the Biblical times or stories in the past without modern conveniences. But when I was given a copy of The Confession of X by Suzanne M. Wolfe, the synopsis on the back of the book intrigued me. When I was in graduate school, I took a class by Professor Latta on Rhetoric and the importance of it for every English student. That class was difficult, but I really enjoyed learning more about how reading and writing actually go hand in hand along with speaking. For that class, we had to compose a twenty-five page essay. I choose to do mine on Augustine. My thesis basically proved that in order for someone to speak, read, or write well, they had to study the Bible. Using examples and letters from Augustine, I proved my theory.

I read Augustine’s Confessions for my essay, but I really didn’t remember much about the woman who captured his heart. The Confession of X is her story, so I wanted to fill in the gaps with this fictional piece created by Wolfe.

Wolfe does a great job at inviting me into the historical story without feeling out of place. I saw the community with the paved roads and the market where the women went to hang out all day long and watch their children before returning to the house during the heat of the day to cool off. I enjoyed learning more about poor woman who had no stature and how they couldn’t marry any one with wealthy; they just had to be their concuibine because they brought nothing to the marriage.

With the first person point of view, I really understood and empathized with “Little Bird.” The name her father gave her. The entire story is told from her perspective. We don’t understand why Augustine chooses to do what he does; instead, we watch Augustine’s woman make the choices she does. I understood her feelings and understood her ultimate sacrifice. I enjoyed watching her mature and change as the world around her changed. Wolfe does a good job at creating a historical character that would rightly suite Augustine.

The Confession of X is unique, but it made me realize the significance of woman long ago. In the history books and the Bible, most women were glossed over because woman weren’t seen as the important ones in history. Only the men mattered. But Wolfe allows her imagination to flow and makes “Little Bird” important and a strong heroine.

Overall, Suzanne M. Wolfe’s The Confession of X gives a rare glimpse into a forgotten woman in history, bringing to her life for the masses. The story could have been ripped from the pages of Augustine’s Confessions if he would have told the truth. I really enjoyed this book and can’t wait to see if Wolfe will write another story.

I received a complimentary copy of The Confession of X from Thomas Nelson and the opinions stated are all my own.

[English · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 Stars

I confess, I’m not usually interested in fiction set in the Roman era. I prefer my Medieval Fiction and Regencies- and I wasn’t massively interested in Augustine of Hippo- though I have seen a movie about him, which went into a lot of details about his early life.
One thing that attracted me to this book was the background of the author. British born (always a plus when it’s by a compatriot) and a Cambridge Graduate- and besides- Augustine lived in a period that just about counts as the beginning of the Medieval era. So……

Overall, I liked The Confessions of X a lot. The writing style was wonderfully descriptive and evocative of the world and environment of the characters, giving a sense of sights, sounds and smells. As someone who’s actually travelled to North Africa, the details of that region were fascinating.
The intent of telling the story of an unnamed women, lost to history was well achieved, with believable portrayals of many of the key characters and their relationships. The love between Augustine and X was one that one could feel was genuine. I would say the treatment of the relationship between the protagonists is less like the mushiness one finds in a lot of romances. However- there were, as others have pointed out, a number of sexual references, which, although not graphic- were descriptive- and at times a little too much. I guess I really didn’t want or need to know about.

In terms of the historical content- the characters seemed to be mostly ‘of their time’, although many of Augustine’s beliefs about Christianity before his conversion seemed to mirror those of modern sceptics and atheists, rather than a Platonist, and adherent to a Late Roman pseudo-Christian sect. Clearly, most of the details of the story were meticulously researched (despite the odd modern Americanism- like the characters talking about the season of ‘fall’).

Other reviewers have questioned the inclusion of this story in the Christian fiction genre, as the protagonist’s religious affiliations are decidedly ambiguous (I would say she leans more on the side of pagan than Christian)- and because of the nature of her status in relation to Augustine- his concubine instead of his wife. In this regard, though I don’t mean to condone illicit sexual relations, it’s hard to ignore that various biblical figures had concubines and this was not something they were condemned for.

I would personally leave it to the reader’s discretion whether they wish to count this as Christian fiction or not. It’s certainly a touching, moving and fascinating story of love and loss.

[Lucy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I didn't know anything about Augustine of Hippo, so I read about him on Wikipedia before starting the book, so I would be informed instead of lost. This book is about his unnamed concubine, they weren't allowed to wed because of her social class being lower than his. I found the book to be written very poetic and after a few chapters I fell in love with the writing style and the story. I found the descriptions so well done that I could picture it in my mind, especially when X was walking the streets of Rome for the first time. This book gives us a window into the history and the love story. I found myself drawn into X's life and felt her pain and struggles. I didn't expect to like this book, but I found it fascinating.
I received a copy of The Confessions of X from Thomas Nelson & Zondervan Fiction Guild for an honest review.

[John Janaro · Rating 5 out of 5]

Powerful, Tender, Deeply Moving Novel

This is a beautiful novel in so many ways. It allows us to experience the world of late antiquity through the perception of a woman. It gives us a sense of what might have been the profound story of the extraordinary woman who was Augustine's companion in the years prior to his conversion. And every character in the story comes to life, in vivid, tangible, particular, and endearing ways. I often simply forgot that I was reading a book and found myself drawn into its environment, gripped by its drama, and feeling the pulse of the characters in a visceral way, but also with intense awareness and empathy.

[Victoria Bylin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wanted to read something unique and I found it in The Confessions of X. What drew me to the story originally was the setting of Ancient Carthage. My husband and I visited Tunisia over the summer and had the pleasure of seeing the ruins, the harbor, and the mosaics at the Bardo. That made this story particularly vivid for me, but it stands alone as a poignant love story between St. Augustine and the woman who shaped his early life. I enjoyed it very much.

[Fiction Aficionado · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the most stunningly beautiful novels I have ever had the privilege to read, and yet I also found it one of the most tragic. I read Augustine’s Confessions a few years ago so I was aware that he had a ‘mistress’, as she was referred to in my translation, however beyond that I knew little of their relationship. The moment I saw the cover of this book I wanted to read it, and my expectations were surpassed in every sense.

Straight up I must pay tribute to the poetry of Suzanne Wolfe’s writing. One of the reasons I have become an ebook reader is that I like to highlight passages that I want to remember – either for the purposes of my reviews, or simply because the writing speaks to me in some way. My copy is now riddled with highlights. For example: “Augustine carried my basket and we walked side by side, close but not touching, the space between us not so much a void than a drawing in of breath before words are spoken.” On the birth of her son, X becomes “drunk on looking, as if to stamp each nail, each eyelash, each perfect part so miniature, so complete, this masterpiece of flesh and bone and sinew, blood and pumping valve into my heart’s soft wax forever.” I was a little intoxicated myself!

As for the story, I had not realised that they were together for long or so deeply committed to one another, and so it was a pleasant surprise to find that approximately two-thirds of the novel dealt with this time in their lives. After an introductory chapter where X, as an elderly woman, reflects on her life (we are never given her name, although she is occasionally referred to by the monikers ‘naiad’ and ‘Little Bird’), we have a few chapters that give a general account of her childhood up until she meets Augustine. The two connect almost instantly, and although Augustine wishes to marry X he knows his family would never permit it. As a younger son he will inherit nothing and needs to make his own way in the world, and to do so successfully he is expected to marry – and marry well. X is merely the daughter of a mosaic artist. Nevertheless, he offers X his love and fidelity and she, in turn, would prefer to be his common-law wife rather than another man’s legally recognised wife. Their intentions stated before God, X accepts Augustine’s citizen ring, and they begin their life together.

Although life was not without its difficulties, there was such beauty in their love for one another and in the fullness of their experiences that I simply could not put the book down. By the time I reached the end my heart had broken for X and Augustine. I sobbed – puffy eyes, stuffed nose, the works! I will not share the details of how their story plays out here, despite the general outcome being a matter of historical knowledge, but I felt like railing against a world that, even now, continues to believe that civil authorities and churches can dictate the parameters and requirements for marriage.

I may be in the minority in my opinion, and we cannot know exactly what took place historically, but I did not see anything immoral in the relationship as it was presented in this novel. Their marriage may not have been recognized by either state or church, but that does not necessarily mean they were not married before God. Of course, this is where the greatest tragedy comes in, because even today their relationship is most often as described as illicit, immoral, etc, when perhaps it was merely lacking legality and social acceptance. And if that is the case, then what a travesty, that such a beautiful union was sacrificed on the altar of man’s expectations.

This novel will stay with me for a long time. I am even inspired to pull out Augustine’s Confessions again and learn to more of the historical basis for this story.

I received a complimentary copy of this novel through BookLook Bloggers in exchange for my honest review.

[Callie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received Confessions of X by Suzanne M. Wolfe from the Thomas Nelson and Zondervan Fiction Guild. Now I am familiar with the age-old adage to not judge a book by its cover, but I often do so anyway. This was one case where I did judge the book by its cover, and I therefore didn't even pick it up to read it for weeks. I don't know why, but for some reason the cover just seems (to me) to show a woman so covered in shame that she can't raise her head, so tainted that her sins were like scarlet, as red as crimson. I've dealt with enough shame in my life that I didn't really want to read a story so seemingly consumed with someone else's. When I turned the book over to read the back of the cover, I discovered that the story was about St. Augustine's concubine. Really? I thought to myself. Really. THIS is what the Fiction Guild sends me? What happened? They've done a pretty good job so far of picking stuff that I like to send to me. But this? Who would want to read a story about a concubine?



Eventually, though, I did start the book, because I had to review it. (Which I've since discovered isn't required) I have to admit, it took me several more weeks to get into the story. The first 30-50 pages were riddled with paragraph-length sentences and unusual vocabulary words that made the reading tedious yet slightly poetic. But mostly tedious. Then around the 50 page mark, bam! I was in love. I don't even remember a specific event that happened to the character, but somehow, the wording became easier to read, the story started flowing, and I was hooked. And by "hooked", I mean like hook, line, and sinker. Totally captivated. I've managed to tear myself away from the book--I'm a little over half way through right now--to come here and write about it. If the you've heard of or seen this book but the cover and/or summary has thrown you off, I suggest giving it a try anyway. So far, and I cannot speak for the rest of the book as I have not as of yet finished it, the book is fantastic. The character isn't weighed down with shame; in fact, she's lighthearted and free. She's loved and she's lost a few people along the way so far, but she's followed her heart and kept her head held high. She's gotten me captivated, and I dearly hope that the story doesn't end with something that makes her hang her head the way that she is doing on the cover, because so far, this book is shaping up to be on my Top 10 list for 2016.



Thank you so much to the Thomas Nelson and Zondervan Fiction Guild for sending me this book. All opinions are my own and were not required to be positive.


Update: I've finished the book, and as you can probably guess by the 5-star rating, this is indeed one my favorite books--not only so far this year, but ever. It's amazing. A must-read, even if in a chapter at a time instead of one sitting.

[Kristi · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really have mixed feelings about this book. It isn't' the type of book I would normally choose for myself. I found the cover intriguing and a bit mysterious. The description on the back cover sounded interesting, and since I received this book to read and review, found myself opening the book to see what lay between the covers.

This story was hard to get into. I found the author's writing style to be unlike anything I read and was bored with her overly descriptive sentences. This was especially the case at the beginning and end of the book. In fact, I found myself going back and rereading sentences because I had lost interest and my attention wasn't on what I was reading. Once I got through the first quarter of the book I found the storytelling to be more to my liking and the story was actually interesting and kept my interest from chapter to chapter. The last quarter of the book I found myself rereading sentences again as the author once again became overly descriptive.

There were also parts of the story that I found a bit disturbing and graphic. I realize that in the time period this story takes place things aren't like they are now but I do believe the author could have used different descriptions or word choices.

I really wish I could give this book a higher rating as the story was good but not consistently good. I found myself checking too many times to see how many pages were left. If you are into historical fiction that goes way back to the 300's then you might enjoy this story. However, it wasn't really my cup of tea.

I was provided a free copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for my honest opinion which I have given.

[Hallie (Hallie Reads) · Rating 5 out of 5]

This review is also posted on Book by Book.

In her new novel The Confessions of X, Suzanne M. Wolfe fictionally explores the experience of the woman who loved Augustine - before he became the church father he’s known to be. Since I did not know much about Augustine’s history, I was intrigued from the start to the finish of this novel. Wolfe gives voice to this woman and her love beautifully and does a brilliant job of telling a difficult, historical story set amid an ancient culture and its ideologies. All-around, I thoroughly enjoyed The Confessions of X, well-told and emotional, and I could easily recommend this novel to interested readers looking for an interesting and unique historical read.

Thanks to BookLook Bloggers, I received a copy of The Confessions of X and the opportunity to honestly review it. I was not required to write a positive review, and all the opinions I have expressed are my own. (I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”)

[Savanna Kaiser · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book in one day. I’ve never read anything quite like it before. It intrigued me from the first page and drew me in to the story of this unnamed woman from history. Written in a unique and poetic style – and from her first person point of view – the tale unfolds with great emotion and left me in tears by the end. I closed the book feeling like I’d lived an entire life along with these characters.

The relationship between Augustine and this woman was so beautiful and lovely. I rejoiced with them in their moments of happiness and mourned with them in their times of sorrow. Their journey of discovering themselves and understanding the world around them is incredibly fascinating. I know it’s historical fiction, but it felt very historical to me. It was all very well-done.

This story of selfless love, faith, and courage will capture readers’ hearts and imaginations. We may not know this mysterious woman’s name, but her life impacted those she loved and will most certainly be remembered. I know I’ll remember this book.

This review is my honest opinion. Thanks to Thomas Nelson & Zondervan’s Fiction Guild for my copy.

[Yoby · Rating 5 out of 5]

I won't mention what the book is about, since the explanation on any website does a better job than I can, yet to say, it is a historical novel of the concubine of St. Augustine before, during , and after they separated so that he could advance. Concubines then weren't sluts, or prostitutes, but women who had no dowry or citizenship, so couldn't marry above their station, but were in a long term monogamous relationship with a nobleman. It was common.

We don't know much about his concubine, history does not say. But the book was well researched, and at the end Suzanne Wolfe mentions what she researched, and where she took liberties. I thought this refreshing. It also comes with a thoughtful discussion guide.

I must admit there were several times I had to put the book down for a couple of weeks , because the subject matter was so close to things I experienced that I thought had healed. I finally read to the end last night, and was sobbing so hard. Oh my gosh.

I won't mention where I cried, because mine won't be the same as yours, or none of the book will move you at all, but I doubt it.

[Robyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was not sure what I was getting into with this book and actually had to check the publishing house to make sure it was considered christian fiction. This said, I thought this was an intriguing story. I knew who Augustine was but did not know much about his history. I thought the author did an exceptional job of weaving history into the story of X. It really was a wonderful read.

[Katie (kt_readz) · Rating 3 out of 5]

Meh.

[Netti · Rating 2 out of 5]

371 - Karthago, Rom, Mailand
first published 2016


There is a well in the courtyard where I sit that is not yet dry and at daybreak a young man in a dark tunic comes to draw water. One by one he fills earthen pots with the bucket he hauls again and again and again until the ground blooms dark beneath the well and water runs along the gullies between the stones where thirsty dogs lap it up.


Zunächst gefiel mir das Buch sehr gut! Die Sprache ist poetisch, und vor allem die Beschreibung der Arbeit des Vaters von "X" als Mosaikleger fand ich sehr gelungen und berührend.

Under the direction of my father who worked by my side, we scrubbed the tesserae with brushes dipped in sand and oil and then rubbed them with leather cloths, smoothing and burnishing until the whole floor shone, my father explaining that any roughness in the surface would catch on sandals, dislodge the tiles, and destroy the mosaic over time. Such polishing we do to our memories so they will not snag on our souls and cause us to stumble.

"polishing to memories" ist eine ziemlich gute Einordnung des Buches... eine sauber amerikanisch polierte Version von Augustinus mit einer braven, liebevollen Frau, die er unsterblich liebte und leider umständehalber aufgeben musste.

Im Verlauf der überzuckerten Love Story ging mir der Roman zunehmend gegen den Strich... so sehr, dass ich ihn beinahe nicht zu Ende gelesen hätte. Mich hat vor allem gestört, dass die Schilderungen so offensichtlich anachronistisch aus westlichen Vorstellungen des 21. Jahrhunderts kommen.

Beispielsweise dürften einfache Leute im 4. Jahrhundert in Nordafrika wohl kaum die Geburtstage ihrer Kinder gefeiert haben - schon gar nicht die der Mädchen und ganz sicher nicht mit einem "Geburtstagskuchen".

“It’s for a cake,” she explained. “Mena’s birthday is today.” Her three-year-old daughter, Mena, was squatting in a corner of the courtyard digging up dirt between the tiles with a stick and humming tunelessly to herself.

🤦‍♀️Kuchen! Süßes Gebäck dürfte im antiken Karthago nicht wesentlich anders ausgesehen haben als heutzutage in Nordafrika...

Im römischen Reich war es völlig selbstverständlich, dass Schüler in der Schule (und natürlich auch zu Hause) geprügelt wurden. Ein Lehrer, der Prügelstrafe ablehnt, wäre den damaligen Eltern vermutlich verdächtig und inkompetent vorgekommen. Ich selbst bin sogar noch auf eine Dorfschule gegangen in der es - zwar selten aber eben doch - Stockschläge gab, niemand Ende der 60er Jahre hat sich etwas dabei gedacht. Hier dagegen spricht die moderne Helicopter Mom:

We enrolled Adeodatus in the neighborhood school, the schoolmaster a young Greek named Hiero who charged reasonable fees but, more importantly, seemed gentle and not the type to beat his students.

Die Beschreibung von Schwangerschaften und Geburten ist so dermaßen Latte-Macchiato-Mütter-Generation🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

It was in September almost two years to the day since we had moved in. It had been a hot day and I had been looking after Neith’s children for she was in her ninth month of pregnancy, big as a whale, hugely swollen about the legs and ankles, and finding it hard to catch her breath.

Schwangere, die "fett wie Walfische" mit geschwollenen Beinen stöhnend im Schatten liegen, sind eine Zivilisationskrankheit... und nicht der typische menschliche Ablauf. Das können wir uns heute noch im ländlichen Afrika oder Südamerika ansehen, wo schwangere Frauen ihrer körperlich harten Arbeit nachgehen, womöglich noch mit einem Kleinkind im Tragetuch auf dem Rücken. MÄNNER, die in der Antike bei Geburten nicht nur dabei sind, sondern sogar ihre Frau aktiv und liebevoll unterstützen??? Das sind nun wirklich romantische Wunschträume. Und definitiv legen sich Frauen frühestens seit dem 17. Jahrhundert zum Gebären ins Bett - vorher wurden Kinder in der Hocke zur Welt gebracht, evtl. auf einem speziellen Gebärstuhl, der schon auf antiken Darstellungen häufig abgebildet wurde.

In vielen solchen Kleinigkeiten des Alltags ist dieses Buch so haarsträubend unhistorisch, dass es schwer zu ertragen ist.

Absurd wird es schließlich, als "X" in selbstloser Liebe auf Augustinus "verzichtet" und ihn verlässt, um seiner Karriere nicht im Wege zu stehen. Tatsächlich schreibt Augustinus selbst in den Bekenntnissen: "Man müsste sich nur eine Frau mit beträchtlichem Vermögen nehmen, damit der nötige Aufwand nicht weiter lästig fiele, und wäre dann wohl am Ziel seiner Wünsche." Weil die nach der Trennung von "X" ausgewählte vermögende Braut erst 10 Jahre alt war und Augustinus daher noch 2 Jahre zu warten hatte, bevor das Mädchen im "heiratsfähigen" Alter war, hat er sich unverzüglich eine neue Konkubine besorgt, mit der er - diesmal etwas diskreter - zusammengelebt hat. Die Darstellung seiner romantischen, beseelten, partnerschaftlichen Liebe in diesem Buch kam mir äußerst unglaubhaft vor. Lassen wir doch noch einmal Augustinus selbst zu Wort kommen:
„Wenn die Frau dem Manne nicht zur Hilfeleistung, um Kinder hervorzubringen, gemacht worden ist, zu welcher Hilfe ist sie dann gemacht worden? Sollte sie zugleich mit ihm den Boden bestellen – was damals noch keine mühevolle Arbeit war, die eines Beistandes bedurfte –, dann wäre, selbst wenn es nötig gewesen wäre, eine männliche Hilfskraft besser gewesen. Das gleiche gilt auch, wenn man von ihr als Trostgeberin sprechen würde, in der Annahme, dass Adam seiner Einsamkeit überdrüssig geworden wäre. Ist es denn für ein Zusammenleben und Miteinandersprechen nicht zuträglicher, wenn zwei Freunde zusammenwohnen, als ein Mann und ein Weib? ... Ich finde also keine andere Hilfeleistung, für die dem Mann ein Weib erschaffen wurde, wenn nicht die, ihm Kinder zu gebären.”

Alles klar?

Der gemeinsame Sohn benimmt sich mit 10 Jahren so kindlich wie ein Zehnjähriger heutzutage. In der antiken römischen Welt fingen Jungen mit 11 Jahren an zu arbeiten und waren mit 14 "erwachsen". Sie kuschelten ganz sicher nicht mehr auf dem Schoß der Mutter.

Wer romantische, tragische Liebesgeschichten mit tapferen, sich selbst verleugnenden, aufopfernden Frauen mag, wird hier fündig.

Auch als "christliche Literatur" würde ich diesen Roman nicht einordnen (außer vielleicht für ein Heftchen der Zeugen Jehovas). Augustinus wird in erster Linie als romantischer Frauenversteher, unermüdlicher Liebhaber und Kuschel-Vater geschildert (🤦‍♀️der seiner Liebsten den Einkaufskorb trägt). Es ist völlig unerklärlich, wie seine spätere Misogynie entstanden sein soll und was deren Wurzeln sind. Gründe für seine Entscheidung zum Zölibat werden nicht genannt. Der Psychoanalytiker Tilmann Moser identifiziert in den „Bekenntnissen“ des Augustinus neurotische Schuldgefühle, die bis heute bei unzähligen Gläubigen belastend fortwirkten. Schließlich ist Augustinus der "Vater" der Erbsünde und des Fegefeuers!!

"X" nach einem Besuch der Arena in Karthago:
I shuddered to think of what hidden horror crouched in other people’s breasts waiting to be let out, like the trapdoors in the arena of the Colosseum in Rome where lions, crocodiles, hyenas, and all manner of fearsome beasts would suddenly appear at the feet of those destined to die. It frightened me to think that beneath the surface of ordinary life nightmares lurked. I wondered what evil lay coiled within my own breast.

Es ist ganz sicher ein anzuerkennendes Vorhaben, eine anonyme Frau aus dem Dunkel der Geschichte holen zu wollen. Aber ob diese rosarote Schmacht-Heldin der historischen "X" gerecht wird? Ich kann es mir nicht vorstellen. In meiner Fantasie ist sie eher eine willensstarke und sinnenfreudige Verführerin, von der Augustinus - trotz massiven Drucks seiner ehrgeizigen Mutter - lange Zeit nicht loskam und auf die er schließlich den Hass seiner unwiderstehbaren "Fleischeslust" projiziert hat. Und damit unsägliches Leid über Millionen Frauen (und Männer) in den kommenden 16 Jahrhunderten brachte...

DARÜBER SCHREIBT MAN KEINEN KITSCHIGEN LIEBESROMAN!!!

[Brendan Hodge · Rating 5 out of 5]

Confessions of X tells the story of "a woman whose name is lost to history", St. Augustine's concubine with whom he had his son Adeodatus prior to becoming Christian. She's pivotal minor character in the story of Augustine's life, and yet she is not named in the book. (The author explains in a note at the end that she takes this as a sign that she was still alive at the time that Augustine wrote Confessions and he did not want to call down unwanted notoriety upon her.)

The book's prose is lush and the story is deeply compelling. Perhaps most impressive is that Suzanne Wolfe managed to turn an unsparing yet sympathetic eye towards all of her main characters. Augustine and Monica are both characters who could easily come off priggish or uncaring, given the way that their lives affect the main character's. But that would have been a cheaper story.

Monica in particular is a fascinating minor character. Drama is built on conflict, so portraying a saint seems as if it would be dull. Monica, however, manages to seem saintly, but neither dull nor saccharine. That's a fascinating minor character study on its own.

[Nick Jordan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m a huge fan of Augustine’s Confessions, which I re-read every year or three. This last time, I tweeted that someone should write a novel from the point-of-view of the woman he was committed to for over a decade, with whom he had his only son. And someone responded with the title of this book. I almost put it down in the first 30 pages, because it’s a bit overly flowery (perhaps following Augustine’s style, as this fictional version of the woman was taught by him), but then I was caught and loved it and was pained by it. There are still questions I have about the decisions of understanding Augustine himself and how he separated himself from this woman, and what she meant to him, but that’s the point of a novel existing. I’d recommend it to anyone caught like me by the flawed and brilliant Augustine.

[Arvilla]

I found it heavy-handed at times, specifically when she (just realized it never gave her a true name, just nicknames, so well done Wolfe with that) is old and reflecting back. Thus I found the first chapter tedious but I stuck with it and found it a portrayal not just of a specific woman but of womanhood in general. One of the book's strengths is how it captured the period. I think I'm glad to have read this, although I'm not sure if I'd recommend it to others.

[Katerina · Rating 4 out of 5]

In The Confessions of St. Augustine, we learn he loved a woman and had a child with her. In this book, we meet (fictionally) that woman. These are her confessions: confessions of what it is to be a woman in a man’s world, of what it means to be in the lower class, of what it means to love deeply, of what it means to lose what one loves. This is a beautifully told story, and one I will read again.

[Alice Chittock · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't know why I waited so long to read this, really enjoyed it.

[Lisa M. · Rating 3 out of 5]

The Confessions of X by Suzanne M. Wolfe, tells the story of Augustine of Hippo's nameless lover, their relationship before his famous conversion, and her life after his rise to fame. It tells of the impossible odds because of their social class--she the poor daughter of a mosaic-layer, and he a promising student and heir to a fortune. And yet he loved her as he would love no other. This book (written in first person) gives a first-hand look of what it might have been like for her to witness his anguished spiritual journey from secretive religious cultist to the celebrated Bishop of Hippo. How she loved him passionately for the 15+ years they were together--before he was forced to leave her behind and get married to a socially acceptable wife.

My Thoughts
Let me start by saying--this book is SOOOO out of my comfort zone. I would never have picked it up or read it, if I hadn't of been given it to review. Nothing in the summary appealed to me, and it was a challenge to open it up and begin. I almost quit a few chapters in, because it STILL wasn't something I was enjoying. But I continued. I am happy to say that it did get easier to read and I didn't feel like quitting after that point.

The author is a very good writer and she captured the way of life during the 5th century well. It was easy to picture the poverty as well as the opulence. I enjoyed the bits and pieces about what it took to create the mosaic art, so popular during that time period as it wasn't something I really even thought about before.

I think the author definitely put a lot into this to imagine what life would have been like for the concubine and the struggles she must have faced--from always knowing she would never be anything more than a concubine, to knowing that he would get married some day and leave her, to being willing to have a child--and understanding she had no rights to him. And yet, it was beautiful to read about how the preparation made for her to be taken care of when their time together was going to have to end.

I am not a fan of reading about early church history (because it's not MY church history), but I would imagine that this story would be appealing to those who look to Augustine as a founding father of the their church. It may even give them something to think about that they didn't know previously.

I just didn't really care for The Confessions of X. This isn't the fault of the author at all, simply not my preference. It was well written and I found it very believable for the subject--it's just nothing that I care to read. If you are familiar with Augustine's Confessions, than I would imagine you could be very interested in reading this book--as for me, I will pass.

[Sydney Avey · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Confessions of X illustrates the power of historical fiction to portray the earthiness of a saint in a way that ethereal iconography cannot.. Suzanne M. Wolfe gives us a slant on Saint Augustine that helps us mere mortals understand that the roots of divine love dig deeply into our being and are affected by our most formative relationships.

I didn't get beyond the second chapter in Augustine's Confessions, but the man himself intrigued me. A poor little dissolute rich boy gives up his earthly inheritance for a Godly one. Many facts are known about the Christian bishop and theologian, but in imagining the story of the unnamed woman he loved, Wolfe shows us the heart of the man.

The settings were intriguing, especially the West African culture where Augustine and the woman who became his concubine began their ill-fated relationship. The author captures the daily interactions between separate classes of people in a realistic way that shrinks the hundreds of years between early Christianity and today's experience. The power of love, the pain of separation, and the healing of forgiveness are timeless and unchanging experiences..

The author did a good job of portraying the the culture and politics of Augustine's day. I strongly believe that Christians should attempt to view the developmental years of the early church in the context of the time. Listening to good pastors who have studied church history and literature, and reading authors of historical fiction who exercise imagination to bring events to life build our faith.

[Nancy · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Beautifully Written Account of the Love of Saint Augustine's Life

Augustine, now Bishop of Hippo, is dying. In the courtyard outside, an old woman sits and waits. At one time she was his concubine and bore him a son. Now they are both very old, and as she waits, she recounts the story of her life.

The story is an illustration of the heartache caused by love across class boundaries in the ancient world. Augustine was the scion of a wealthy family, but being the youngest had to make his own way. His lover was from a lower class. Her father was skilled at laying mosaics, but that was the profession of an artisan, not a member of the upper classes. In order to live together, she became his concubine. Although the word today has pejorative connotations, at the time it mean common-law wife.

I thoroughly enjoyed the book. The writing is lyrical, but supports the telling of the old woman's life story without drawing attention to itself. The setting is historically accurate. I could feel what the world she lived in was like.

I highly recommend this book. It's a serious work of historical fiction. I chose it because having read the Confessions of Saint Augustine, I wanted to know more about the woman who appears, but is never named. I wasn't disappointed. This is a very well done book.

I received this book from BookLook Bloggers for this review.