I'm not even sure what to say about Drake. It is UF that combines the elements of old school noir crime and the more modern day grimdark fantasy genre. The bad news is it seems to concentrate on the worst aspects of both so the result is we get a fantasy world with all the sleaze and casual sexism of old school noir mixed with the modern day cringe fest that is the over the top prose and dialogue that is to be found in a lot of the more modern "grimdark" style fantasy books.
The premise of the story was actually pretty fun. Don Drake, a magical assassin, ends up in debt to a demonic mob boss and has to pay it off by working a hit for him. Things go awry on what should have been relatively routine job and before he knows what is happening Don finds some scary supernatural creatures are looking for him to exact vengeance. Lucky for Don he has a few aces up his sleeve in the form of an archdemon that is his familiar and a mysterious, but totally hot, new love interest so life is not all doom and gloom!
The story should have been great. In general I'm a fan cool antihero lead characters and fun fantasy worlds stuffed full of angels, demons, and other cool supernatural creatures so on this surface of things this was exactly my sort of story. I also felt like Peter Mclean had a fairly engaging writing style and was a talented storyteller so that was not an issue. I was not a giant fan of the London setting but I did find the supernatural aspects of Mclean's fantasy world to be pretty cool and interesting. I tend to struggle with UK set UF in general due to it not feeling exotic enough for me and because I find a lot of the local accents and "banter" to be pretty awful and cringe-inducing. That issue is compounded in audio and, sadly, Don Drake did end up sounding a bit like a reject from Eastenders most of the time!
The biggest problem with this book, by far, was the antihero main character. I got the impression that Peter Mclean thought he was a lovable rogue of a guy that readers should be rooting for. The problem was I loathed Drake. The guy was not only a sleazy, thieving, murdering, sack of shit of a human being (all bad enough in their own right) but worst of all he was an unbearably whiny hypocrite who spent the majority of his internal monologues crying about how he was not really a bad guy and how the world was conspiring against him to make him a down on his luck victim! I feel like McLean really made a mess of things with the lead character and that hurt the story bad. If I'm going to have a single person POV story then I need the main character to either be someone I can root for or someone who has the pure charisma to keep me interested in their story even if they themself are a completely awful person. As an example of likeable antiheros I'll mention Tyrion Lannister (from GoT) and Daniel Faust (from the Daniel Faust series). Those guys had a lot of flaws and did some awful things from time to time but despite that I still found them super easy characters to root for. Don Drake was a complete flop when compared to those guys as he was so awful I was actively rooting against him. Villain lead characters can still work for me but usually only do so when the author of the story actually realizes their lead is a villain! Good examples of this are the POV characters from Bakker's Prince of Nothing trilogy, Jorg from Mark Lawrence's Prince of Thorns, and most of the cast of Michael Fletcher's Beyond Redemption. Don Drake was a pitiful whiny wretch who had zero of the charisma and intrigue of any of those characters. He was more akin to Theon Greyjoy with his constant whining and eternal victim attitude. A few careful tweaks and I think Don could have worked but as it was I found I was constantly hoping that someone would beat him to a pulp just to shut him up!
You may think I'm being harsh on poor old Drunken Don but here are a few gems straight from the book itself to help you get a feel for the guy as a character and a few moments that give you a glimpse of the kind of moments that made and broke this story for me:
*Minor spoilers ahoy*
I slowly hauled myself up into a sitting position, and had to clutch a hand to my stomach as an acid rush of half-digested whisky burned its way up my throat and into the back of my mouth. I gave serious consideration to throwing up before I winced and swallowed it back down again. Maybe I’ve never been that good at drinking either, come to think of it.
This was an early example of the cringey over the top grimdark prose that proliferated the book. McLean felt the need to go hard in the early stages of the story on just how much Don loved to drink and gamble. It was hammered home so often it felt over the top cringey as it made it seem like we were supposed to think this made Don super cool. It left me feeling like he was a complete wastrel.
“I’m in the shit,” I admitted.
The Burned Man snorted with laughter. “No change there then.”
Dialogue or general prose like this littered the story just so the reader could figure out poor Don was a very down on his luck sort of lad. I find this so cringey as it comes across as trying too hard but this sort of thing is so common place in modern day grimdark fantasy that I assume most readers do think it makes a character "gritty" and "cool"? To each their own I suppose but it definitely does not work for me and leaves me feeling a bit like the book I'm reading is actually a bad parody of the real dark fantasy genre.
I stopped to lock the door behind me, and noticed that some twat had scratched “drunken” in front of the “wanker” underneath my sign. Someone must have seen me come home last night then.
This moment actually was mildly amusing but did still hammer home the trying too hard vibe that story had!
“You should have thought of that the last time you stood me up to go and play cards, or because you were drunk, or out with some tart or whatever the hell you were doing,” she muttered, putting the pestle down to fiddle with some of her glass tubes.
“I’m sorry Debs,” I said. “Really. And I’m in deep shit if you don’t help me.”
Don shopped for his magical trinkets at his on/off girlfriends store. Unfortunately he treated her like absolute shit over the story so it ended up being super depressing that she just kept giving him chance after chance only for him to do it over and over again. It was also made clear by McLean that Debs was not the real love interest of the story as she was simply just not as hot or cool as the other love interests.
“I want another beer,” I said, a touch belligerently.
Now Shirl is lovely, she really is, but in her pub she’s the absolute monarch, make no mistake about it. She’s sixty if she’s a day and she’s still saucy-looking in a brassy sort of way, but one thing she does not take is crap off drunks.
Don was incredibly sleazy but he was no ageist! Honestly, I think there was more misogyny and sleaze in this 8 hour audiobook than there was in three books worth of my last harem fantasy LitRPG series. Don was extremely sleazy and objectified every single woman that came across his path.
“If you say so,” she said, and got out of bed. There was no mistaking her tone that time.
Was I that bad a shag, really? Damn it, I thought it had been pretty good all things considered.
“Can I get your number?” I asked her. By that point I have to admit it was more out of habit than hope.
“No,” she said.
This was Don flopping in the sack for love interest number 2. We were supposed to feel sorry for him here since the woman was treating him so badly. One can only assume we were supposed to overlook the fact that Don felt so guilty about committing an absolutely heinous crime just hours earlier that he spend the rest of the evening boozing and fucking. We were never supposed to forget that Don was the stereotypical Eternal Victim of the tale.
My first thought was succubus, but she was way too classy for that. Succubi tend towards streetwalker-chic at the best of times, and this Trixie looked more like a princess than a prostitute.
Another typical glimpse into the mind of Don. The guy (and possibly McLean himself) had some seriously disturbing views on women and life in general. To put things into perspective I found the views of McLean's lead character more disturbing over a paltry 8 hour audio book than I did to anything I heard while listening to nearly 130 hours of Goodkind's views in Sword of Truth or listening to 35 hours of a straight up male wish-fulfilment harem fantasy LitRPG trilogy that I read right before picking up this book.
“Who was that cracking bint?” it asked me.
“Er,” I said, feeling ridiculously embarrassed. “Which one?”
Yeah...it was that sort of book. Don is an average sort of rogue, of course, but still had two love interests and a hot kinky red-head he fucked from time to time so it is no surprise really that he had no idea who his demonic pet was talking about here. Keep in mind it was saying this as it was sucking blood from Don's chest in some kinky sadomasochistic feeding ritual so I'm tempted to include it as a twisted love interest in its own right!!!
“Trixie?” Debbie echoed. “Stupid name. What does she look like, this frightening Trixie?”
Gorgeous, I thought, but I knew that wouldn’t be a clever thing to say. Captivating. Otherworldly. So special I can hardly think about anything else, and that’s the most frightening part. No, that really wouldn’t do either.
“Blonde,” I said at last.
Just in case we needed the reminder that poor Doormat Debs was never going to live up to the main love interest in the story!
“It’s an it, not a he,” I said, “and we get along just fine.”
There was always time to squeeze in a tiny bit of casual racism or homophobia into the story! The Burned Man was a demon and he seemed enough like a "he" earlier in the story when he was fondling his dick while admiring the ass of love interest number 3.
Oh no, I thought. Oh fates, you can’t be this cruel.
Yeah, yeah they could.
“Don baby!” she squealed. “Don, I’ve been looking for you everywhere!”
It was Ally, obviously. All of Ally, just about, spilling out of the littlest little black dress I think I’d ever seen. The look on Debbie’s face could have frozen a volcano mid-eruption.
Things only went south from there for poor Doormat Debs as Drake ditched her mid-dinner date so he could go fuck Ally. He was a real charmer. It was so sad that Debs just forgave him no matter how bad he treated her. She very much came across as an abused spouse even if most of Drake's abuse was mental rather than physical. Remember we are supposed to be rooting for Drake in this tale!
I was starting to wonder if she was ever going to take her knickers off, actually, but that’s not really the kind of thing you can say out loud on a second date.
This was a bit of a weird moment for the story. Out of context this sounds like a typical sleazy thought from the mind of Don Drake but in reality the dude was tied naked to his bed at the time while the woman in question was straddling him, writhing all over the place, biting his nipples, gouging his chest bloody with her nails, slapping the shit out of him, and just generally having the time of her life. Maybe I'm just completely lacking in manners and proper date etiquette but I'd not have judged the guy poorly for asking her to get rid of the knickers at this stage of proceedings. I'm not sure what happened to him here but this was definitely the moment when I started to enjoy the book a whole lot more. That is because I started treating it more like a comedy rather than a dark fantasy. I'm not sure that was McLean's intent but it definitely helped me enjoy the happenings a whole lot more!
“You’ve been a bad boy, haven’t you Don,” she said. “A very bad boy indeed.”
“I fucking mean it,” I said, twisting against the knots that held me. “I don’t want to do this, Ally. Seriously, I don’t.”
That was the end of the last private on parade, let me tell you. He was asleep on duty in double-quick time.
“Oh you spoilsport,” Ally said. “You rotten spoilsport, I was really hoping to give that a good lick of the whip.”
This moment was comedy gold. Ally was instantly my favourite of Don's developing harem of women. The book was actually riddled with these sorts of sadomasochistic moments which is half the reason Peter McLean occasionally reminded me of Terry Goodkind lol!
“What was your curry like?” I asked as I set to with the pestle and mortar.
“Lonely,” she said.
Oh for fuck’s sake!
“Look, I’m sorry OK?” I said.
This was charming Drake's apology for leaving Debs mid dinner date to go fuck someone else. She forgave him, of course, then he stole a bunch of stuff from her house and did a runner. We were supposed to feel sorry for Drake though as he was the real victim in all this.
After everything I’d said to her, and all the promises I had made. She was never going to speak to me again and that was that.
“Damn you, Wormwood,” I whispered.
Yeah, because it is Wormwood's fault Drake repeatedly treated Debs like absolute shit. For the record I'm not sure Wormwood even knew Debs existed! The curse of the Eternal Victim struck again.
You get off on this, don’t you? the wraith thought. Have you ever summoned a succubus just to fuck her? I bet you have. You’re that sort, aren’t you? You’re all about the control you can’t get any other way.
Shut up, I told it.
You have, haven’t you? I thought so.
This unnamed demon slave is was my favourite character in the whole story. He just had a cameo appearance but he really got Don as a character. Pity he never stuck around as Don's long term slave. The good news is I have another quote from the guy:)
Next time you want a succubus, you could summon her and me together and wear me to fuck her in, have you ever thought of that? I’m sure you must have thought of doing that, you oily little pervert. Or isn’t that enough? Why not wear a vorehound, that’s got a cock too. Even a succubus probably wouldn’t like that much. You’d prefer it that way, wouldn’t you? If she really didn’t like it. Raping her, wearing a hound…
Will you shut the fuck up! I snarled at it.
Why should I? You’re raping me right now. It’s no different. You’re inside me, using me, and I never said you could. It’s the same thing. Do you like that? I think you do.
Nameless Tallow Demon slave really was great! It was the only one not shy about telling Don what an absolute piece of shit he was. Everything it said was spot on!
“Did she maybe sneak this onto there?”
“I haven’t got a clue,” it confessed. “I, you know… wasn’t paying that much attention.”
You were looking at her arse not her hands, I thought, but I could hardly blame it in all honesty.
More sleaze. This sort of moment was typical for this book. The modern day grim-cringe fantasy genre is so awful. What happened to the editors at the big publishing houses to make stuff like this the new normal?
“That poor child,” said Meg.
“That was an accident,” I protested, wondering how in the world they could possibly know about that. “I’m sorry!”
“He’s sorry,” Tess said in a low, flat voice.
Ally pouted. “He was so sorry he got blind drunk, took me home and fucked me,” she said. “That’s how sorry he was”.
I cannot believe Ally was portrayed as the villain. I liked her way better than I liked Drake and she was spot on in her assessment of Don! I'd read an Ally lead spin-off series for sure:)
“Oh, fuck me,” I whimpered.
“Oh no, sweetie, I don’t think so,” she said. “Not again. You’re really not that good.”
The whip lashed down my back in a searing flash of pain. I shrieked. I know, I’m not proud of it, but for fuck’s sake have you ever been bullwhipped?
I have slammed a lot of the cringey prose and dialogue but to be fair it really worked a lot better once I started treating the book as a laugh out loud comedy.
“Please!” I screamed.
“Please, he says,” Tess said. “Please don’t hurt me. Please don’t kill any more children. Please, Don, please.”
“Please us,” Meg snarled.
“Please me,” Ally chuckled.
The whip hit me again, and I screamed until my throat was raw.
“I’m bored. I’m going to get my knives out of the van,” Tess said. “Back in a tick.”
“No!” I sobbed. “No knives!”
I was going to tank this book in the ratings but decided not to after the whole abduction/torture scene. It was just too funny!
She yanked me up by the hair and kicked me in the kidneys so hard I actually pissed myself a bit.
“You dirty boy,” Ally laughed, and cracked her whip so close to my head that she sliced my right ear open.
See what I mean? By this point I was laughing so hard I literally nearly chocked. Whole scene even changed my view on Mark Meadows, the audio narrator for the story. Up to this point I felt like he sounded a bit like a reject from the cast of Eastenders but his spot on performance of this scene was comedy gold and really won me over. He might have had an awful sounding accent but he was a fairly talented audio performer who got the timing and tone of the delivery of the dialogue spot on.
Note: I've been hit by Goodreads word count for reviews so I'm having to cut my on the go journey through this book a bit short. The absolute outrage of it all! I've got a bunch more quotes like this so I'm stuffing them in the comments. Take that word count!!!
All in all I'm not even sure how to rate this book. I really hated a lot of aspects of it and nearly DNF'ed it in the early stages due to the cringey nature of a lot of the stuff that was happening but I pushed through and did end up warming a bit to the book, though I still fucking loathed Drake as a lead character, so I'm definitely not going to give this the 1 star rating I thought it was heading for in the first 25% of the book. Once I started viewing it as a comedy it got a lot more enjoyable. I'm still not sure this was meant to be a parody but thinking of it as such helped make it a lot more fun for me. Ally and Tallow Demon alone boosted this book and star or two in the final rating.
I was unhappy with a lot of stuff in Drake but I might still read the next book in the series as I do feel like I enjoyed this story more as it progressed and despite its horrific flaws it did still hold some promise. McLean is an engaging storyteller and his fantasy world was pretty cool despite its cringey London setting.
Rating: 2.5 stars. I'm rounding up to 3 stars as it finished a whole lot better than it started. The writing was pretty good and some elements of the story were great but the sheer level of cringe inducing moments I had to suffer as well as McLean botching the lead character definitely hurt this story bad. The sad thing is that with a few tweaks here and there this could probably have been a 5 star read. The good stuff was really good but that was balanced out by the fact that the bad stuff was really cringe inducing awful! It has been a long time since I've come across a book that was such a mix of extremes as this one.
Audio Note: I took a while to warm to Mark Meadows as he sounded a bit like a reject from the cast of Eastenders but to be fair to him that was fitting for the character of Drake and as the story progressed I grew to appreciate his ability to bring the tale to life and his timing and delivery of the dialogue.