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Bloody Confused!: A Clueless American Sportswriter Seeks Solace in English Soccer
Chuck Culpepper was a veteran sports journalist edging toward burnout . . . then he went to London and discovered the high-octane, fanatical (and bloody confusing!) world of English soccer.
After covering the American sports scene for fifteen years, Chuck Culpepper suffered from a profound case of Common Sportswriter Malaise. He was fed up with self-righteous proclamations, steroid scandals, and the deluge of in-your-face PR that saturated the NFL, the NBA, and MLB. Then in 2006, he moved to London and discovered a new and baffling world—the renowned Premiership soccer league. Culpepper pledged his loyalty to Portsmouth, a gutsy, small-market team at the bottom of the standings. As he puts it, “It was like childhood, with beer.”
Writing in the vein of perennial bestsellers such as Fever Pitch and Among the Thugs , Chuck Culpepper brings penetrating insight to the vibrant landscape of English soccer—visiting such storied franchises as Manchester United, Chelsea, and Liverpool . . . and an equally celebrated assortment of pubs. Bloody Confused! will put a smile on the face of any sports fan who has ever questioned what makes us love sports in the first place.
After covering the American sports scene for fifteen years, Chuck Culpepper suffered from a profound case of Common Sportswriter Malaise. He was fed up with self-righteous proclamations, steroid scandals, and the deluge of in-your-face PR that saturated the NFL, the NBA, and MLB. Then in 2006, he moved to London and discovered a new and baffling world—the renowned Premiership soccer league. Culpepper pledged his loyalty to Portsmouth, a gutsy, small-market team at the bottom of the standings. As he puts it, “It was like childhood, with beer.”
Writing in the vein of perennial bestsellers such as Fever Pitch and Among the Thugs , Chuck Culpepper brings penetrating insight to the vibrant landscape of English soccer—visiting such storied franchises as Manchester United, Chelsea, and Liverpool . . . and an equally celebrated assortment of pubs. Bloody Confused! will put a smile on the face of any sports fan who has ever questioned what makes us love sports in the first place.
250 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2007
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 122 reviews
October 5, 2008
Culpepper's aim in this text is to convince people who don't know anything about the world of international soccer that it's a great product, and worthy of an American's time. The problem is, unfortunately, that he skips from "soccer know-nothing" to the worst kind of American soccer fan--the pretentious, condescending know-all who is fully convinced that other countries play soccer because it is everything true and right while the Yanks represent everything stupid and wrong. And that's the text that Culpepper writes here--he misses no opportunity to tell you how enlightened he is and how stupid you and everyone else is who doesn't agree with him. He takes "the beautiful game" and makes it as attractive as two political pundits throwing mud at each other on Sunday morning television. The author comes across as completely unlikeable, and he makes sure that you know how smart he thinks he is at every opportunity. Unfortunately, this approach doesn't make for much of a book.
This is, by far, the worst soccer book I've ever read (and Jamie Trecker, the author of the last worst-ever book, probably thanks him for it), and by no means should you spend a red cent on it. There are so many good options out there in soccer books that this one isn't worth it.
This is, by far, the worst soccer book I've ever read (and Jamie Trecker, the author of the last worst-ever book, probably thanks him for it), and by no means should you spend a red cent on it. There are so many good options out there in soccer books that this one isn't worth it.
January 11, 2009
Inconsistencies in the scope of Culpepper's knowledge throws the reader off from truly enjoying what could have been a humorous look at soccer/football through the eyes of a new American fan. Culpepper goes from choosing a team based on their name (Aston Villa) or for seemingly no reason at all (Newcastle and Portsmouth) to quoting facts and details from previous seasons. Culpepper also relies too much on the gimmick of his, "Oh, I'm from Virginia, we don't do those sort of things," way of living. Inappropriate comparisons between sports in the US and the UK are frequent and take away more than they add. I had high expectations for this book and was disappointed with the way Culpepper portrayed both English fans and naïve American fans -- who apparently become knowledgeable and pretentious after only a few weeks of choosing a team. This book gives American football fans a bad name. The only high point/point I could agree with him was his scathing opinion of Cristiano Ronaldo.
March 19, 2011
Many, many laugh out loud moments. He does a great job of making you feel like you're on the journey with him. And makes you feel like American sports are missing something by not participating in relegation.
April 12, 2025
Absolutely hilarious!
March 18, 2019
I really enjoyed this book because it was a topic that I really like, sports and especially soccer. I was able to connect with the author on his thoughts and ideas about English soccer. He talks a lot about the environment of the stadiums and what it is like to be a fan. This was intriguing for me because from a young age I have always wanted to experience what an English soccer game is like and to this day I still have not had a chance. Bloody Confused! also gets into some of the lingo used in English soccer and I am happy to say that I was able to understand it and I feel like I got a lot more joy out of the book knowing the soccer terms than if I read the book without knowing them. So I suggest if soccer is a sport that interests you or just sports in general, the book is a great laugh and you will really find the book fascinating and hilarious.
July 30, 2010
As an immersive account of being a soccer fan in England, this book was highly entertaining and enlightening. Culpepper proves very adept at effectively communicating the feelings and impressions of each experience he has as he immerses himself in the 2006/2007 season of Portsmouth FC.
It is also frequently very, very funny.
The only problem I had with this book was that it occasionally proves its pedigree as a book written for a British audience (its UK title was Up Pompey) and only slightly tweaked for its American publication. As the book goes on, Culpepper's terminology becomes more and more British (i.e. "sport" instead of "sports"), but most egregious are the frequent potshots he takes at American sports and American culture. Even I, a dyed-in-the-wool Anglophile and, like Culpepper, hater of the United States' culture of excess, found his repeated slagging off of Americans' greed, arrogance and wastefulness kind of tiresome by about halfway through the book. I liked the majority of the book, so I overlooked a lot of that stuff, but despite this book's many treasures and the fundamental warmth at its heart, I fear much of its American audience will be (perhaps justifiably) put off and will not enjoy this book as much as I did.
It is also frequently very, very funny.
The only problem I had with this book was that it occasionally proves its pedigree as a book written for a British audience (its UK title was Up Pompey) and only slightly tweaked for its American publication. As the book goes on, Culpepper's terminology becomes more and more British (i.e. "sport" instead of "sports"), but most egregious are the frequent potshots he takes at American sports and American culture. Even I, a dyed-in-the-wool Anglophile and, like Culpepper, hater of the United States' culture of excess, found his repeated slagging off of Americans' greed, arrogance and wastefulness kind of tiresome by about halfway through the book. I liked the majority of the book, so I overlooked a lot of that stuff, but despite this book's many treasures and the fundamental warmth at its heart, I fear much of its American audience will be (perhaps justifiably) put off and will not enjoy this book as much as I did.
November 4, 2008
I get it, Chuck. You hate American sports fans, and you aren't that keen on Americans in general. Thanks for taking 272 pages to let me know that.
I am an enormous fan of English Football. It isn't that hard to follow. As a reader, I am asked to believe that someone who is paid to follow and write about sports for a living took over two years to figure out how the game works. Fine, I guess. But it damaged his credibility with me.
Luckily, while regaling the reader with tales of his education, the author manages to repeatedly (and I mean every other page) rail on how ignorant and wasteful Americans are, while making the counter-argument that everything English is fantastic since they have a longer history. Somehow, this history has stamped itself into the DNA of every Englishman, and as a result they are better people.
Personally, I found this book to be tripe (haggis?). It will be a perfect read for those that are already fans of soccer and want their feelings of superiority confirmed. It is unlikely to convert anyone on the fence, or currently a fan of another game, to make the leap. And that is a shame.
I am an enormous fan of English Football. It isn't that hard to follow. As a reader, I am asked to believe that someone who is paid to follow and write about sports for a living took over two years to figure out how the game works. Fine, I guess. But it damaged his credibility with me.
Luckily, while regaling the reader with tales of his education, the author manages to repeatedly (and I mean every other page) rail on how ignorant and wasteful Americans are, while making the counter-argument that everything English is fantastic since they have a longer history. Somehow, this history has stamped itself into the DNA of every Englishman, and as a result they are better people.
Personally, I found this book to be tripe (haggis?). It will be a perfect read for those that are already fans of soccer and want their feelings of superiority confirmed. It is unlikely to convert anyone on the fence, or currently a fan of another game, to make the leap. And that is a shame.
October 31, 2008
I wanted to enjoy this book a lot more than I actually did. The premise is brilliant (an American sportswriter immerses himself in English soccer, and system he knows nothing about) but the execution was, well, a lot like English Premiership Football: a lot more complicated than it really needed to be.
I had a hard time following the narrative. With so many teams and matches and players to follow it was hard for someone like me who was truly clueless to get a sense of who was who and what was what. I liked that the author picked one team to support, but I think a better set up for the book would have been to follow just that team for the season.
I had a hard time following the narrative. With so many teams and matches and players to follow it was hard for someone like me who was truly clueless to get a sense of who was who and what was what. I liked that the author picked one team to support, but I think a better set up for the book would have been to follow just that team for the season.
January 10, 2018
Read for the 2018 PopSugar reading challenge. This is "A book about or involving a sport" - in this case, the European, specifically English, style of football. It was sitting there on my girlfriend's shelf for me to pick up.
I can't imagine this book was ever groundbreaking, but it probably felt a bit more new and different when it was, well, new. In the decade or so since Culpepper has published it, the Premier League has become a slight bit more familiar over in America, such that a person who decides to start following the action does not have to actually move to England. What's more, things that bore repeated mentioning in Culpepper's mid-00s tale, like the testimony of several steroid-suspected baseball stars before Congress, just don't really matter any more, contributing to the whole thing feeling rather dated.
To be sure, however, moving to England is absolutely a necessity to get the part of the experience that might involve befriending a blue bear, taking a train all across the countryside to get to games, and most importantly, what one must do when one lacks "a ticket-buying history." It sounds like a lot of fun, along with all of the songs, some of which are not very nice to their subjects, but as Culpepper relates from the English, there are some parents who teach their children that there's "stadium language" and "everywhere else language."
A number of summers ago, a couple of Premier League clubs came and played a friendly in Baltimore, just to try to build a little excitement or something, I don't know. The match did not involve Manchester United in any way, but at some point fans of both teams started chanting the following, to the tune of the chorus of the Battle Hymn of the Republic:
Where the fuck is Man United?
Where the fuck is Man United?
Where the fuck is Man United?
They are not fucking here!
They all seemed like a hell of a lot of fun. I have discovered in the subsequent years that, no matter how fun it seems, I'm not getting up early on my Saturday mornings (five hours behind England, after all) to watch them.
I guess it's a necessity to have the author figure prominently in a travelogue-y book in this vein, but I would have liked a bit less of the self-indulgent stuff. For instance, trying to turn his unfortunate rail replacement journey into an important fan suffering story was not so great. I got what he meant, it has to be weird; as a person who is 34 years old and has not had his favorite baseball team win the World Series in his lifetime, I understand the suffering and it will make success, if they ever do win it, sweeter. But you can't rush it.
I have looked at the fortune of Portsmouth since Culpepper wrote this book, and if he stuck it out, he certainly got his suffering, as although they won the FA Cup not long after he chronicled his introduction to the fandom, his club, which is also called Pompey for some reason I don't know, quickly toppled into relegation land, ending up as low as the fourth-division League Two before climbing back to third-division League One this season.
I can't imagine this book was ever groundbreaking, but it probably felt a bit more new and different when it was, well, new. In the decade or so since Culpepper has published it, the Premier League has become a slight bit more familiar over in America, such that a person who decides to start following the action does not have to actually move to England. What's more, things that bore repeated mentioning in Culpepper's mid-00s tale, like the testimony of several steroid-suspected baseball stars before Congress, just don't really matter any more, contributing to the whole thing feeling rather dated.
To be sure, however, moving to England is absolutely a necessity to get the part of the experience that might involve befriending a blue bear, taking a train all across the countryside to get to games, and most importantly, what one must do when one lacks "a ticket-buying history." It sounds like a lot of fun, along with all of the songs, some of which are not very nice to their subjects, but as Culpepper relates from the English, there are some parents who teach their children that there's "stadium language" and "everywhere else language."
A number of summers ago, a couple of Premier League clubs came and played a friendly in Baltimore, just to try to build a little excitement or something, I don't know. The match did not involve Manchester United in any way, but at some point fans of both teams started chanting the following, to the tune of the chorus of the Battle Hymn of the Republic:
Where the fuck is Man United?
Where the fuck is Man United?
Where the fuck is Man United?
They are not fucking here!
They all seemed like a hell of a lot of fun. I have discovered in the subsequent years that, no matter how fun it seems, I'm not getting up early on my Saturday mornings (five hours behind England, after all) to watch them.
I guess it's a necessity to have the author figure prominently in a travelogue-y book in this vein, but I would have liked a bit less of the self-indulgent stuff. For instance, trying to turn his unfortunate rail replacement journey into an important fan suffering story was not so great. I got what he meant, it has to be weird; as a person who is 34 years old and has not had his favorite baseball team win the World Series in his lifetime, I understand the suffering and it will make success, if they ever do win it, sweeter. But you can't rush it.
I have looked at the fortune of Portsmouth since Culpepper wrote this book, and if he stuck it out, he certainly got his suffering, as although they won the FA Cup not long after he chronicled his introduction to the fandom, his club, which is also called Pompey for some reason I don't know, quickly toppled into relegation land, ending up as low as the fourth-division League Two before climbing back to third-division League One this season.
January 8, 2021
It's probably important to remember this book was published in 2007. Soccer in America still existed in a liminal space, not quite entirely foreign anymore but not getting massive TV deals worth millions upon millions. The descriptions of the Premier League in this book are pretty elementary but at the time may have passed as sufficient.
Before I critique I should say that overall the author seems like a decent enough guy, like someone you'd tailgate with and have a good conversation with. At times he comes across in a genuine way and does well expressing the emotions of soccer and what makes being a fan of a team so special.
If you've followed the Premier League long enough you'll know there's an obnoxious faction of U.S fans called "Euro-Snobs" and at times the author comes across as one. He finds every available opportunity to rip on America to the point of exhaustion. His cultural compassions between America and England seem pretty shallow and at best surface level observations. I was really hoping for more depth, detail, history etc.
Really most of the book is just him accounting his trips to Portsmouth F.C matches and the details of the commute. This made for decent light reading if you're already into soccer writing but for everyone else you're not missing a whole lot.
Before I critique I should say that overall the author seems like a decent enough guy, like someone you'd tailgate with and have a good conversation with. At times he comes across in a genuine way and does well expressing the emotions of soccer and what makes being a fan of a team so special.
If you've followed the Premier League long enough you'll know there's an obnoxious faction of U.S fans called "Euro-Snobs" and at times the author comes across as one. He finds every available opportunity to rip on America to the point of exhaustion. His cultural compassions between America and England seem pretty shallow and at best surface level observations. I was really hoping for more depth, detail, history etc.
Really most of the book is just him accounting his trips to Portsmouth F.C matches and the details of the commute. This made for decent light reading if you're already into soccer writing but for everyone else you're not missing a whole lot.
November 6, 2021
Bloody Confused divulges the heart of the sports fan the way Hi Fidelity exposed the hidden genius of record shop employees.
Every nationality despises their national football/soccer association. For their corruption, their ineptitude, and their inability to grasp the priority of the game; this is as true in America as anywhere else. Anyone who recognizes the letters USSF and isn’t actively employed by them despises them. Why? Because every national football/soccer team carries deep emotional attachments that are abused for profit by those very institutions.
I grew up in Kentucky where basketball is king and everyone my age can casually reference “have you read the latest Chuck yet?” and we know which Chuck we’re talking about. When Culpepper was reporting on Kentucky basketball and its institutions with an impartial heart, he must have wondered of us fans: why do you let them do this to you? Why not just walk away.
Chuck Culpepper tells in this book the story of his finding his people in a fan base thousands of miles from home and answers that why question clearly: because we love our team, we have no choice. It’s in our blood.
Read
March 17, 2024Picked this up for a song at McKay’s for Wes while he was out of town and ended up reading it myself first. I laughed out loud a lot. Kind of a Ted Lasso vibe (dumb American slowly understands football/soccer, and the author is a fan not a coach) but as this was published in 2007, the political asides and social commentaries are less aggressive — and some of my laughs definitely came from being reminded of what was a big deal back then.
As the author is by trade a sportswriter, by transitioning to a fan role in England, he captures so much of what it is to be a fan of any sport at any level. For example, reading a chapter describing an especially close match the afternoon after watching Leila play a close volleyball game in the morning felt like a recap of the same intensity for those of us on the sideline! I also relate to the ideas shared about being born to a team (go Dodgers!) and choosing one (go Brewers!).
I still don’t really like soccer (sorry Wes) but I so appreciated the author’s thoughts on being a fan of sports in general.
As the author is by trade a sportswriter, by transitioning to a fan role in England, he captures so much of what it is to be a fan of any sport at any level. For example, reading a chapter describing an especially close match the afternoon after watching Leila play a close volleyball game in the morning felt like a recap of the same intensity for those of us on the sideline! I also relate to the ideas shared about being born to a team (go Dodgers!) and choosing one (go Brewers!).
I still don’t really like soccer (sorry Wes) but I so appreciated the author’s thoughts on being a fan of sports in general.
March 3, 2022
An American sportswriter spends a football (soccer) season in England to learn the ins and outs of the sport and to gain insight into the sports league with the largest global following in the world -- the Premiership League (Liverpool, Arsenal, Chelsea and Manchester United plus others).
The most confusing part is about the British leagues, not the game itself. There are 4 leagues, with groups of three teams moving up or down into other leagues at season’s end. There are 4 cups (5, really) being sought throughout the season, sometimes simultaneously. Points are not only scored during each game, but also accumulate throughout the season based on wins. The season runs from August through May.
He has an affectionate take on the English themselves, as fans, former yobs, their culture. He observes and writes in much the same way as Bill Bryson (not as sharp). It was a fun fluff read.
The most confusing part is about the British leagues, not the game itself. There are 4 leagues, with groups of three teams moving up or down into other leagues at season’s end. There are 4 cups (5, really) being sought throughout the season, sometimes simultaneously. Points are not only scored during each game, but also accumulate throughout the season based on wins. The season runs from August through May.
He has an affectionate take on the English themselves, as fans, former yobs, their culture. He observes and writes in much the same way as Bill Bryson (not as sharp). It was a fun fluff read.
September 14, 2020
I wanted to have a light sports read to honor the start of a new season. This was a nice choice! Culpepper’s writing is humorous and filled with sarcasm and irony. The funniest part still for me was how drastically the world of soccer has changed since this was written in 2007. (Manchester City was a shite afterthought at time of his writing, to name but one example.)
What pervades the book, however, is a sense of passion for the world’s most beguiling and bedeviled sport. The feeling of falling in love with something fantastic for the first time, all over again, was a lovely perspective for the new year. And in the background, thinking about how much the world has changed in 13 years gives me hope of how much more it can to come (hopefully for the good!)
Minus points for lack of wokeness, and also lack of special insight.
What pervades the book, however, is a sense of passion for the world’s most beguiling and bedeviled sport. The feeling of falling in love with something fantastic for the first time, all over again, was a lovely perspective for the new year. And in the background, thinking about how much the world has changed in 13 years gives me hope of how much more it can to come (hopefully for the good!)
Minus points for lack of wokeness, and also lack of special insight.
December 4, 2017
Culpepper constantly maintains an obnoxious, pretentious American soccer fan point of view, and it makes him look really bad. He is pretty clueless about anything he isn’t reporting exactly as he has seen it, and he is a poor writer as well. His stereotypes of English supporters and people again are very broad and often inaccurate, and his American sports comparisons are very annoying. Please find a different book about the beautiful game, there’s loads!!
September 2, 2019
This is a fun book about an American sportswriter who fell in love with Portsmouth FC and followed them home and away for the 2006 season.
It gives an insight into English football fandom.
And features a blue bear!
p. 214: "It's not a choice."
p. 225: "PORTSMOUTH IS MY RELIGION/FRATTON PARK IS MY CHURCH"
P. 229: "Some got there early
Some arrived late
Hard to say more
Pain's too great"
I would liked to have seen a schedule at the game listing all the games and scores.
It gives an insight into English football fandom.
And features a blue bear!
p. 214: "It's not a choice."
p. 225: "PORTSMOUTH IS MY RELIGION/FRATTON PARK IS MY CHURCH"
P. 229: "Some got there early
Some arrived late
Hard to say more
Pain's too great"
I would liked to have seen a schedule at the game listing all the games and scores.
August 23, 2023
This was great as a primer on English football for a newbie. The author is an American sports journalist who moves to the UK in the early 2000s in search of a more authentic sports experience (my words, not his.) The book covers the first year of his humorous journey to select his home team and immerse himself in the community. It reminds me a little bit of reading Bill Bryson. I would recommend.
July 21, 2021
This is a good book that starts out very good. By the last third, however, it seems more like a collection of serialized material, which feels a bit tedious in book form and really needs a proper conclusion or afterward. Also, the author's Blue Bear friend did not need to become a recurring character.
May 16, 2022
Chuck Culpepper is one of the best working sportswriters, and here his riveting writing fuses with his humor and overall genius to create something magical. The Premier League is the greatest professional sports league on earth, and every American, when introduced to the league for the first time, has a similar experience. Culpepper captures the essence of that glorious experience.
January 8, 2018
I recommend this to any soccer fan. It is really entertaining, humorous, and informational. I also agree with the author that relegation should happen, and it is a very motivating factor for lower performing teams/clubs if applied to any tiered sport.
September 23, 2020
High anticipation for this book but I
couldnt wait for it to be over, such a thin book, took forever to finish.
would be even thinner if he took out all the "great" American sports he's covered.
i wonder if he's stuck with Portsmouth?
couldnt wait for it to be over, such a thin book, took forever to finish.
would be even thinner if he took out all the "great" American sports he's covered.
i wonder if he's stuck with Portsmouth?
March 12, 2021
A entertaining account of an American sportswriter who immerses himself in English football culture. Any fan of soccer or sports in general will enjoy this book.
Since it was published in 2007, it is a little dated.
Since it was published in 2007, it is a little dated.
January 15, 2025
one of my favorite genres of book is Sportswriter Moves Abroad (very specific genre). thoroughly enjoyed this, struck at that exact time of year when i reinvest in my love of the Premier League after a long fall of sports. chuck rocks and it is a pleasure to read him for both work and for fun
December 4, 2017
A great book for lovers of soccer and the English Premier League. Funny and poignant!
September 5, 2018
Thoroughly enjoyable. The away trips are fantastic fun.
November 4, 2018
Highly entertaining!
December 20, 2019
Great read by American writer that goes to England to see what the fuss is about soccer (football). Follows a big club and supporters and writes an outside view of the sport and it's fans.
September 7, 2021
A just-ok take on British soccer from an American sportswriter. It's quite funny in places, but gets too samey by about the midway point. I blew through the last third of the book.
September 23, 2021
You know the guy who tries to be funny ends up not being funny at all. Couldn't get through this one. Boring.
April 18, 2023
Hilarious, and a great insight into English football (soccer) culture.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 122 reviews