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Trans: A Memoir
Six weeks before sex reassignment surgery (SRS), I am obliged to stop taking my hormones. I suddenly feel very differently about my forthcoming operation.”
In July 2012, aged thirty, Juliet Jacques underwent sex reassignment surgery—a process she chronicled with unflinching honesty in a serialised national newspaper column. Trans tells of her life to the present moment: a story of growing up, of defining yourself, and of the rapidly changing world of gender politics.
Fresh from university, eager to escape a dead-end job, she launches a career as a writer in a publishing culture dominated by London cliques and still figuring out the impact of the Internet. She navigates the treacherous waters of a world where, even in the liberal and feminist media, transgender identities go unacknowledged, misunderstood or worse. Yet through art, film, music, politics and football, Jacques starts to become the person she had only imagined, and begins the process of transition. Interweaving the personal with the political, her memoir is a powerful exploration of debates that comprise trans politics, issues which promise to redefine our understanding of what it means to be alive.
Revealing, honest, humorous, and self-deprecating, Trans includes an epilogue with Sheila Heti, author of How Should a Person Be?, in which Jacques and Heti discuss the cruxes of writing and identity.
In July 2012, aged thirty, Juliet Jacques underwent sex reassignment surgery—a process she chronicled with unflinching honesty in a serialised national newspaper column. Trans tells of her life to the present moment: a story of growing up, of defining yourself, and of the rapidly changing world of gender politics.
Fresh from university, eager to escape a dead-end job, she launches a career as a writer in a publishing culture dominated by London cliques and still figuring out the impact of the Internet. She navigates the treacherous waters of a world where, even in the liberal and feminist media, transgender identities go unacknowledged, misunderstood or worse. Yet through art, film, music, politics and football, Jacques starts to become the person she had only imagined, and begins the process of transition. Interweaving the personal with the political, her memoir is a powerful exploration of debates that comprise trans politics, issues which promise to redefine our understanding of what it means to be alive.
Revealing, honest, humorous, and self-deprecating, Trans includes an epilogue with Sheila Heti, author of How Should a Person Be?, in which Jacques and Heti discuss the cruxes of writing and identity.
311 pages, Hardcover
First published September 22, 2015
82 people are currently reading
3703 people want to read
About the author
Juliet Jacques
25 books51 followersJuliet Jacques (born Redhill, Surrey in 1981) is a British journalist, critic and writer of short fiction, known for her work on the transgender experience, including her transition as a trans woman.
She grew up in Horley, and attended Reigate Grammar School for two years before her parents moved her to a local comprehensive school, followed by the College of Richard Collyer in Horsham, West Sussex, studying History at the University of Manchester and then Literature and Film at the University of Sussex.
In 2007, she published a book on English avant-garde author Rayner Heppenstall for Dalkey Archive Press, and her memoir, entitled Trans, appeared on Verso Books in 2015. She has written regular columns for The Guardian, on gender identity, and The New Statesman, on literature, film, art and football, and published extensively on film in Filmwaves, Vertigo and Cineaste. She began writing a chronicle of her gender reassignment in 2010, which was widely praised. She contributed a section in Sheila Heti's book, "Women in Clothes" in 2014.
She was longlisted for The Orwell Prize in 2011 for her series on gender reassignment. In 2012 she was selected as one of The Independent on Sunday Pink List’s most influential journalists, and was also included in the 2013 list.
(from Wikipedia)
She grew up in Horley, and attended Reigate Grammar School for two years before her parents moved her to a local comprehensive school, followed by the College of Richard Collyer in Horsham, West Sussex, studying History at the University of Manchester and then Literature and Film at the University of Sussex.
In 2007, she published a book on English avant-garde author Rayner Heppenstall for Dalkey Archive Press, and her memoir, entitled Trans, appeared on Verso Books in 2015. She has written regular columns for The Guardian, on gender identity, and The New Statesman, on literature, film, art and football, and published extensively on film in Filmwaves, Vertigo and Cineaste. She began writing a chronicle of her gender reassignment in 2010, which was widely praised. She contributed a section in Sheila Heti's book, "Women in Clothes" in 2014.
She was longlisted for The Orwell Prize in 2011 for her series on gender reassignment. In 2012 she was selected as one of The Independent on Sunday Pink List’s most influential journalists, and was also included in the 2013 list.
(from Wikipedia)
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 181 reviews
August 5, 2018
Excellent memoir of transition and also of the political and economic climate of the UK at the time. In terms of the latter, I felt along with her all the way, remembering how I'd sobbed in the car with my mum over cuts that would summarily destroy what countless brilliant people had so carefully and caringly built, yelled abuse at various politicians on the telly, refused to go into teaching formally and made my own precarious work among other precariously employed young people. None of this has changed. It's just getting worse even now.
In terms of gender issues (though of course, all kinds of politics and money problems absolutely come into it) I felt Jacques' often matter-of-fact style of narrating her experiences was an effective approach, and the judiciously scattered theoretical sections were accessible and helpful, though mostly already very familiar to me from previous reading. One of the terms used for her dysphoria was "colourless" and that idea helped me get a sense of the deep sense of discontent and feeling of limitation involved. The journey of her parents, especially of her mother, towards acceptance, was one of the most touching aspects of the book for me.
Reading about clothes choices and styling made me think about the ways I had been enabled by feminist theory to adjust my gender presentation to distance myself from feminine stereotypes that push women to endure discomfort and prescribes certain colours, styles and motifs. Channelling Audre Lorde, asking myself what I really liked, what really felt good and right to me, I felt better and more confident. Of course, the most socially acceptable "adjustment" of gender presentation is that of a person who's read as female styling themselves in a less-than-ultra-femme way. We who read as women have huge latitude in acceptable dress. In contrast, someone who reads as male dressing in a feminine or ambiguous style is likely to receive torrents of abuse and unwanted sexual advances for transgressing the sacred boundaries of masculinity. This helped me feel more keenly what a battle trans women especially face trying to become themselves, something cis women in particular are unlikely to notice ourselves struggling with on this level in the UK. As with Julia Serano's book, there was some critique here of transition gatekeepers' role in enforcing traditional or stereotyped gender presentation for trans people. Still, aside from the frustratingly long process, Jacques' gender reassignment seemed to be handled pretty reasonably by the National Health Service. I can only hope that the ongoing destruction of the NHS hasn't already made things worse for trans people, whose need for treatment the public seems to need a lot of education to understand.
In terms of gender issues (though of course, all kinds of politics and money problems absolutely come into it) I felt Jacques' often matter-of-fact style of narrating her experiences was an effective approach, and the judiciously scattered theoretical sections were accessible and helpful, though mostly already very familiar to me from previous reading. One of the terms used for her dysphoria was "colourless" and that idea helped me get a sense of the deep sense of discontent and feeling of limitation involved. The journey of her parents, especially of her mother, towards acceptance, was one of the most touching aspects of the book for me.
Reading about clothes choices and styling made me think about the ways I had been enabled by feminist theory to adjust my gender presentation to distance myself from feminine stereotypes that push women to endure discomfort and prescribes certain colours, styles and motifs. Channelling Audre Lorde, asking myself what I really liked, what really felt good and right to me, I felt better and more confident. Of course, the most socially acceptable "adjustment" of gender presentation is that of a person who's read as female styling themselves in a less-than-ultra-femme way. We who read as women have huge latitude in acceptable dress. In contrast, someone who reads as male dressing in a feminine or ambiguous style is likely to receive torrents of abuse and unwanted sexual advances for transgressing the sacred boundaries of masculinity. This helped me feel more keenly what a battle trans women especially face trying to become themselves, something cis women in particular are unlikely to notice ourselves struggling with on this level in the UK. As with Julia Serano's book, there was some critique here of transition gatekeepers' role in enforcing traditional or stereotyped gender presentation for trans people. Still, aside from the frustratingly long process, Jacques' gender reassignment seemed to be handled pretty reasonably by the National Health Service. I can only hope that the ongoing destruction of the NHS hasn't already made things worse for trans people, whose need for treatment the public seems to need a lot of education to understand.
July 3, 2016
I picked this up as part of my drive to read books by different female voices. I've read a couple of reviews by people who were disappointed it didn't focus more on Juliet's physical experience, and one or two saying the writing was detached - but I felt she explained exactly why she took that approach. Those very personal confessional narratives about being trapped in the wrong body didn't apply to her, and she's spent a lot of time trying to move discourse away from that narrative, which seems to me to be a laudable task. As a result I found a lot to identify with in Juliet's frustration with mainstream journalism and the divisiveness of feminist discourse of social media. I thought she handled her reluctance to write about her personal experience on the grounds that she can't speak for everyone well - by talking about her own research into the theory and political history of trans issues she highlighted a lot of other writers I can now go and read, and I thought that was a good way of underlining the fact that all experience is different (and that many voices outside the white middle classes still go unheard). Her discomfort at the prospect of having to advocate only for trans issues, when she can't possibly get it right for everyone, reflected a tendency I've noticed quite a lot in recent years where communities will build up a feminist writer and then tear them down when they say something 'wrong' (Caitlin Moran, Tina Fey and Lena Dunham all seem to have had this). Trans: A Memoir gave me a lot to think about, and context to consider rather than being very inward looking as most memoirs are - definitely worth a read.
January 6, 2017
‘Trans’ and ‘memoir’ are, somewhat unfortunately, two words that tend to go together. When it comes to literature it is a genre to which transgender people have long been confined by publishers and a public hungry for sensational narratives of gender-crossing.
But critical work by trans people seeking to challenge some of the overly simplistic narratives which dominate in memoir and elsewhere has been developing since the 1990s. One of the best known and earliest of these critical interventions was an essay by Sandy Stone titled ‘The “Empire” Strikes Back: A Posttranssexual Manifesto’. Whilst it’s a heavily theoretical text, the ‘Posttranssexual Manifesto’ also contains a good deal of memoir itself. Much trans writing since the nineties has brought personal testimony and theory together, in varying combinations. This is true of Julia Serano’s Whipping Girl, for example.
Jacques mentions in the interview included as an epilogue to her book that she had wanted to write something other than a memoir but could not find a receptive publisher. This difficulty is one she discusses at length in the book, as it covers her time spent writing ‘A transgender journey’, her series for the Guardian online.
I find this fact disconcerting and frustrating, but Trans: A Memoir is nonetheless a valuable contribution. It is a reassuringly mundane account of a transgender life that does not repeat clichés about being ‘born in the wrong body’. This would be, I think, a useful book to offer to someone seeking to understand more about trans people but who doesn’t want to wade through gender theory; there is enough theory served within the whole to edify the reader but not so much that it crowds out the narrative. I look forward to more of her work. As a bonus, consider listening to this discussion with Jacques from the people at Novara Media: http://novaramedia.com/2015/11/27/tra....
But critical work by trans people seeking to challenge some of the overly simplistic narratives which dominate in memoir and elsewhere has been developing since the 1990s. One of the best known and earliest of these critical interventions was an essay by Sandy Stone titled ‘The “Empire” Strikes Back: A Posttranssexual Manifesto’. Whilst it’s a heavily theoretical text, the ‘Posttranssexual Manifesto’ also contains a good deal of memoir itself. Much trans writing since the nineties has brought personal testimony and theory together, in varying combinations. This is true of Julia Serano’s Whipping Girl, for example.
Jacques mentions in the interview included as an epilogue to her book that she had wanted to write something other than a memoir but could not find a receptive publisher. This difficulty is one she discusses at length in the book, as it covers her time spent writing ‘A transgender journey’, her series for the Guardian online.
I find this fact disconcerting and frustrating, but Trans: A Memoir is nonetheless a valuable contribution. It is a reassuringly mundane account of a transgender life that does not repeat clichés about being ‘born in the wrong body’. This would be, I think, a useful book to offer to someone seeking to understand more about trans people but who doesn’t want to wade through gender theory; there is enough theory served within the whole to edify the reader but not so much that it crowds out the narrative. I look forward to more of her work. As a bonus, consider listening to this discussion with Jacques from the people at Novara Media: http://novaramedia.com/2015/11/27/tra....
December 10, 2019
What an absolutely wonderful memoir. Not only was it interesting to follow the author's life - the way we follow it is also incredibly satisfying in its brilliant structure. I am an absolute sucker for memoirs that mix life writing with theory and a wider cultural history. The author does this incredibly well, breaking up her stories of mental health, work, and gender identity with fascinating information about everything from politics to literature. It is also generally a very intertextual memoir, another favourite type of writing for me; I now have a long list of queer media that I will happily explore.
However, perhaps my favourite aspect of this memoir is how working class it is. It is so easy for people who work in the arts and who write on gender and sexuality to fall into liberal discourse and shy away from anything political that isn't identity based, and to forget completely about their own class privilege. This memoir instead reveals an author who is poor and angry with the government in a way that doesn't sound fake or repetitive; she does not just make exasperated remarks about the Conservatives, but instead offers genuine criticism of parties and politicians. None of this makes her memoir boring, nor does it distract from her personal narrative - instead, it builds on it, and makes for an enjoyable reading experience that feels true and honest.
If you enjoy intertextuality, counterculture, and class conscious writing on gender, I would highly recommend picking this up.
However, perhaps my favourite aspect of this memoir is how working class it is. It is so easy for people who work in the arts and who write on gender and sexuality to fall into liberal discourse and shy away from anything political that isn't identity based, and to forget completely about their own class privilege. This memoir instead reveals an author who is poor and angry with the government in a way that doesn't sound fake or repetitive; she does not just make exasperated remarks about the Conservatives, but instead offers genuine criticism of parties and politicians. None of this makes her memoir boring, nor does it distract from her personal narrative - instead, it builds on it, and makes for an enjoyable reading experience that feels true and honest.
If you enjoy intertextuality, counterculture, and class conscious writing on gender, I would highly recommend picking this up.
April 16, 2017
I liked many things about this book. I learned a lot about transgender theory and I got a real sense of how dispiriting and frightening it is to live with the day-to-day realities of transphobia and fear of violence. I thought the social aspects of transition and the physical aspects of surgery were well handled: just enough detail that you knew what was going on, but never prurient or inviting the reader to dwell on them.
The thing I struggled with a bit was that I felt the sections on Juliet's dysphoria and gender confusion, particularly in her early life, were oddly impersonal. She writes at some length about resenting the pressure on trans people to write only autobiographically and says that she couldn't get a publishing deal for anything other than a memoir, though she'd clearly have liked to write something else, something more political and/or fictional. I did feel I was reading a book she hadn't really wanted to write, and this ambivalence showed.
I got that she was aiming to move away from the narrative of "I was born in the wrong body" which we've heard too often before. But while I didn't read that stereotyped narrative, I did feel that what Juliet did experience pre-transition wasn't explored in enough depth. There was a lot of stuff about attending college and playing football which seemed like a distraction from the real experience of how it had felt emotionally to go through those gender identity struggles and questions. And while she does make clear that she wants to move beyond the idea that being transgender is all about women's clothes and make up, thereby playing into tired old stereotypes of what it is to be female, I did think there was still an excessive focus on wardrobe to the exclusion of real feeling. She states clearly and often that assigned biological sex and social gender roles are not the same thing, and yet I didn't feel they were clearly enough differentiated here, and at times I was left feeling a bit shortchanged. I'm not sure that she really engaged with the question of what it actually means to be a woman in our world.
But overall it's a fascinating read, and a necessary counterbalance to the shock-horror stories about transgender issues which are still, depressingly, peddled in the media.
The thing I struggled with a bit was that I felt the sections on Juliet's dysphoria and gender confusion, particularly in her early life, were oddly impersonal. She writes at some length about resenting the pressure on trans people to write only autobiographically and says that she couldn't get a publishing deal for anything other than a memoir, though she'd clearly have liked to write something else, something more political and/or fictional. I did feel I was reading a book she hadn't really wanted to write, and this ambivalence showed.
I got that she was aiming to move away from the narrative of "I was born in the wrong body" which we've heard too often before. But while I didn't read that stereotyped narrative, I did feel that what Juliet did experience pre-transition wasn't explored in enough depth. There was a lot of stuff about attending college and playing football which seemed like a distraction from the real experience of how it had felt emotionally to go through those gender identity struggles and questions. And while she does make clear that she wants to move beyond the idea that being transgender is all about women's clothes and make up, thereby playing into tired old stereotypes of what it is to be female, I did think there was still an excessive focus on wardrobe to the exclusion of real feeling. She states clearly and often that assigned biological sex and social gender roles are not the same thing, and yet I didn't feel they were clearly enough differentiated here, and at times I was left feeling a bit shortchanged. I'm not sure that she really engaged with the question of what it actually means to be a woman in our world.
But overall it's a fascinating read, and a necessary counterbalance to the shock-horror stories about transgender issues which are still, depressingly, peddled in the media.
April 30, 2018
i'll just vomit some words//phrases about the book to start:
>restrained--if hemingway is your shitty bigoted great-uncle, Jacques is your wonderful trans cousin
>realistic about what a human life is//isn't
>honest--feels much less aestheticized//mythologized than most memoirs. Jaques relates the conundrums and uncertainties of discovering her gender identity and transitioning, seemingly without dramatizing them in the slightest.
>merges politics and aesthetics in interesting ways, discussing culture and representation within the context of self-discovery, identity, confronting oppression, + more.
Jacques mentions somewhere in the pages before the memoir-as-such that her editors restrained some of her most metatextual impulses. most of me wishes they hadn't, but the consistently restrained tone of the memoir ends up being a strength. this understated quality contributes to an effect which i imagine Jacques has in mind: a sense of life being long, the present rarely being as important as it seems, acceptance and bigotry passing each other on the street. there's a feeling underneath the narrative of life having its own pace, which i found helpful to spend some hours with.
the way the memoir is written (focused on events, relating thoughts//feelings briefly if at all) encourages us to fill in how we might feel in the situations Jacques describes, which i think ends up drawing us into her experience, + asking us to confront how the world would look if we had the same experiences. seems like a mark of a good memoir.
i found myself wanting more analysis, more emotion, more avant-garde, + more metatext (which might have felt more authentic to the narrator we get to know a little bit). but it also feels like the right choice to make this account as accessible and factual as possible. and i think there's some meta-text in quietly taking a trope of oppression (trans writers being commissioned to write only about their experience of being trans), and using it as a tool to break down that shitty expectation for herself and future trans writers.
thanks to Juliet Jacques for writing and Verso for publishing. so encouraging to see things changing (slowly) re: representations of trans people in culture.
>restrained--if hemingway is your shitty bigoted great-uncle, Jacques is your wonderful trans cousin
>realistic about what a human life is//isn't
>honest--feels much less aestheticized//mythologized than most memoirs. Jaques relates the conundrums and uncertainties of discovering her gender identity and transitioning, seemingly without dramatizing them in the slightest.
>merges politics and aesthetics in interesting ways, discussing culture and representation within the context of self-discovery, identity, confronting oppression, + more.
Jacques mentions somewhere in the pages before the memoir-as-such that her editors restrained some of her most metatextual impulses. most of me wishes they hadn't, but the consistently restrained tone of the memoir ends up being a strength. this understated quality contributes to an effect which i imagine Jacques has in mind: a sense of life being long, the present rarely being as important as it seems, acceptance and bigotry passing each other on the street. there's a feeling underneath the narrative of life having its own pace, which i found helpful to spend some hours with.
the way the memoir is written (focused on events, relating thoughts//feelings briefly if at all) encourages us to fill in how we might feel in the situations Jacques describes, which i think ends up drawing us into her experience, + asking us to confront how the world would look if we had the same experiences. seems like a mark of a good memoir.
i found myself wanting more analysis, more emotion, more avant-garde, + more metatext (which might have felt more authentic to the narrator we get to know a little bit). but it also feels like the right choice to make this account as accessible and factual as possible. and i think there's some meta-text in quietly taking a trope of oppression (trans writers being commissioned to write only about their experience of being trans), and using it as a tool to break down that shitty expectation for herself and future trans writers.
thanks to Juliet Jacques for writing and Verso for publishing. so encouraging to see things changing (slowly) re: representations of trans people in culture.
February 19, 2025
an amazing read! i feel like a lot the trans literature ive read recently has either been very recent (late tens/twenties) or something like man enough to be a woman which spans from the 60s to the 80s with very little mention of the present day. Its nice to see the landscape just before i was born, id like to think that Juliet is a lot like me but this might just be owing to her writing style being a bit like my inner monologue. i also enjoy that a lot of this is about her humdrum day to day life as opposed to being about the big sweeping moments (although they are also obviously present).
August 23, 2016
I really wanted to like this. I kept reading far past the point of getting something out of this. But ultimately, I just did not enjoy reading Julia Jacques' memoir. My theory is that she simply didn't want to write a memoir, as she reveals -- she just doesn't think that trans writers should be confined to confessional autobiographical writing. I agree! And ultimately, I think that her writing about trans history, interspersed throughout her memoir, is far stronger.
That said, the writing in and of itself isn't strong. I found her writing detached and disembodied, the dialogue felt stilted and weird -- why include some of these conversations? Why include them at the expense of a coherent chronology? And the long descriptions of football matches left me totally cold.
The upside of all of this is that we're beginning to reach a point in writing about the trans experience where I don't feel like I need to like this book just because it exists. But I'm glad that it does exist and I hope that she continues to be a voice for trans inclusion.
Read Harder: read a book by or about a person who identifies as transgender
That said, the writing in and of itself isn't strong. I found her writing detached and disembodied, the dialogue felt stilted and weird -- why include some of these conversations? Why include them at the expense of a coherent chronology? And the long descriptions of football matches left me totally cold.
The upside of all of this is that we're beginning to reach a point in writing about the trans experience where I don't feel like I need to like this book just because it exists. But I'm glad that it does exist and I hope that she continues to be a voice for trans inclusion.
Read Harder: read a book by or about a person who identifies as transgender
May 10, 2020
This is a very difficult book to review because you can see that Juliet is somewhat limited in how and what she's writing. This is made patently clear in the epilogue, but throughout there's a real lack of...enjoyment, maybe - in her writing. It seems she would rather be writing about art, other people's literature, fiction, academia, anything but her very personal story on transitioning.
That slight despair, or fear of 'selling out' and being individualistic, sometimes makes it hard to really sink your teeth into each chapter. It doesn't feel passionate. But maybe that clinical edge is intentional and it certainly creates a distance between the reader and author.
Having said that, I think Juliet has done a fantastic job of weaving her interests and various cultural references into the book where she can. There are also some very insightful moments and I really do feel I've learned a lot. It also sheds a light on the very insidious vein of transphobia that has reared its ugly head in recent years under the cloak of feminism. Fuck TERFs.
That slight despair, or fear of 'selling out' and being individualistic, sometimes makes it hard to really sink your teeth into each chapter. It doesn't feel passionate. But maybe that clinical edge is intentional and it certainly creates a distance between the reader and author.
Having said that, I think Juliet has done a fantastic job of weaving her interests and various cultural references into the book where she can. There are also some very insightful moments and I really do feel I've learned a lot. It also sheds a light on the very insidious vein of transphobia that has reared its ugly head in recent years under the cloak of feminism. Fuck TERFs.
August 1, 2016
A deeply personal insight into the process of gender transition, with plenty of commentary about the cultural climate in Brighton and Manchester in the early 2000s. I particularly liked reading about Jacques' relationship with music and the local scenes, and thought she articulated quite acutely and evocatively how it feels to be dysphoric and what that means for everyday existence as a trans person. I also liked that the theoretical side of things was explained mostly in layman's terms - feminist and transgender theory can often be quite jargon-heavy, so it was a pleasant surprise to have it be so accessible.
I do feel at times the memoir was weighed down a bit with unnecessary detail (especially in dialogue), but overall, an insightful and compelling read that's critical for anyone with even a passing interest in gender politics. Also, any book that ends with a Talking Heads lyric is a-ok by me.
I do feel at times the memoir was weighed down a bit with unnecessary detail (especially in dialogue), but overall, an insightful and compelling read that's critical for anyone with even a passing interest in gender politics. Also, any book that ends with a Talking Heads lyric is a-ok by me.
November 19, 2016
"What if we’re not trapped in the wrong body but trapped in the wrong society?"
Part autobiography, part Trans theory, I feel that the combination worked well. The beginning of the book was hard for me to get into as after the first chapter I felt very disoriented. It took me awhile to realize Juliet lives in Great Britain and to translate the slang and cultural references. Also it was hard to pinpoint characters as they seemed to crop up and disappear disjointedly.
The book really picks up and hits the strongest point from the halfway point on - discussion of trans representation in media and social media was fascinating and so important. The spotlight on radical feminism's treatment of trans people was enlightening and is a great argument for increased intersectional feminism.
*read on the app Pigeonhole*
Part autobiography, part Trans theory, I feel that the combination worked well. The beginning of the book was hard for me to get into as after the first chapter I felt very disoriented. It took me awhile to realize Juliet lives in Great Britain and to translate the slang and cultural references. Also it was hard to pinpoint characters as they seemed to crop up and disappear disjointedly.
The book really picks up and hits the strongest point from the halfway point on - discussion of trans representation in media and social media was fascinating and so important. The spotlight on radical feminism's treatment of trans people was enlightening and is a great argument for increased intersectional feminism.
*read on the app Pigeonhole*
November 8, 2015
Stunning memoir of being a trans-woman and transitioning after college. Jacques writes from the heart, but ties in numerous educational points. I found myself looking up every movie, band, and book she mentioned, determined to view them after I finished her book. One of the best things that Jacques adds to her memoir that separates it from others is the parallel trans history sections at the end of certain chapters. They correlate her story with the history of the movement so that any person could pick up the book and no just discover a personal experience, but become educated as well. I definitely recommend this, not simply for the honest story telling, but especially for those who are still trying to "understand" trans-people.
May 27, 2017
So many books about trans individuals are a) written by cis people, b) focus on transition as the only viable storyline in a trans person's life, or both a & b.
Juliet is a fantastic writer. This book felt like a conversation with an intimate friend - colloquial, friendly, and inclusive of life beyond the scope of transition. In the epilogue, she expresses that she didn't want the entire arc of her book to be surgery - she has succeeded magnificently at this.
This should be on everyone's to-read list. It made me laugh, it made me cry, and it gave me hope for the future of trans representation in popular media.
Juliet is a fantastic writer. This book felt like a conversation with an intimate friend - colloquial, friendly, and inclusive of life beyond the scope of transition. In the epilogue, she expresses that she didn't want the entire arc of her book to be surgery - she has succeeded magnificently at this.
This should be on everyone's to-read list. It made me laugh, it made me cry, and it gave me hope for the future of trans representation in popular media.
September 25, 2017
Absolutely loved this and couldn't recommend it more, definitely going to be distractedly reading Juliet's essays over the coming weeks at work. Just found one where she is reviewing Chris Kraus' latest book, nicely combining many interests. If I sound incoherent just trust me on this - go buy this book from Verso books and read it for yourself.
January 6, 2019
A delight to read.
July 17, 2020
Read this pretty quickly. Really enjoyed the hints of queer theory and culture throughout.
April 1, 2023
Great to read UK trans books, but did feel like Juliet put everything in this and some of the things (lots of details about her admin jobs for instance) were kinda dull. Interested in the conflict of not really wanting to write a trans memoir, but it being the only type of book publishers wanted from her.
April 9, 2023
So good, although it’s very sad to read this in 2023 and note that nothing much has changed for the better. Jacques did a good job balancing facts (such as the details around the transition process) with the memoir, and weaving the two together. My only complaint is how much football is talked about in this book, but I can live with that.
December 29, 2016
I have a number of thoughts on this book. Firstly, I like Juliet Jacques. People have made the criticism that this book is more about her than about 'transition'; the stupidity of that criticism aside, I think she's smart and funny and tbh, can relate to her as someone who also liked Morrissey well past the age that someone should be liking Morrissey. Also more seriously, I like her as someone else who tried to make sense of their reality through obsessively reading/watching films/docos etc because same. There's a reason why the growth in LGBT books I've read in the last 2 years has been exponential.
There are a few things though that I picked up that did give me pause:
- when she first sees a therapist, the therapist says: "You're not gay" and Juliet responds: "I'm attracted to men." the therapist then says: "Maybe. But I know lots of gay men and you're not like them." what exactly does this mean? this is before Juliet's talked about how she experiences dysphoria btw. sounds like she was talking to someone who was stereotyping gay men. the inclusion of this comment in this book is something that puzzles me; is she using it to say that even this random who didn't know what 'transgender' meant knew that she wasn't a gay man at essence?
- the idea that becoming a woman means chemically becoming more emotional. I haven't experienced HRT but this is something that raised red flags given that it's a point that misogynists love making. also she criticizes the idea that testosterone makes men unable to control their violent impulses so the idea that having less of it makes you more emotional, more in touch with your emotions doesn't seem to fit with her own views? idk
- that she talks about how when she was a child she just thought feminism was a "pejorative to belittle humourless, unreasonably angry women" and never really engages what feminism is or what it has achieved again. she basically states that she's become more of a feminist in that now she's experienced transmisogyny. otherwise, she only really talks about feminism when it's to (rightly) castigate hateful, idiotic bigots like bindel and burchill.
- that she points out that there's "a word for a man being too feminine, but not the opposite" as though femmephobia is something that is real. I'm sensitive to this issue because I've noticed that people hate butch women and continually downplay the discrimination they experience and instead state that 'masculine' people don't experience discrimination, and instead have 'masc privilege' ignoring how femininity/masculinity are gendered which is unbelievable
- she talks a lot about how she does not identify with masculinity, and the dysphoria she experiences, but then she makes the leap to having a "female spirit" - what is the claim? is there a female essence? is it femininity? I don't understand.
- the conflation of radical feminism with being a TERF
- the conflation of being a lesbian with being a radical feminist with being a TERF
- the dismissal of the criticisms of radical feminism of some claims ("i.e. I have a female spirit") with being a TERF without engaging at all. at least know where the criticism is coming from.
And again, it's not someone's responsibility to engage with theory, especially theory where some of the loudest adherents have been extremely hateful (Janice Raymond, Sheila Jeffreys etc). However, the radical feminist critique of gender is worth engaging with. It fits with what Sandy Stone was saying (who Juliet likes and talks about). There is a reason why it is so powerful, why it resonates with so many women. Because it makes sense and describes our lived experiences and realities. And there is no reason why it should be trans-exclusive.
There are a few things though that I picked up that did give me pause:
- when she first sees a therapist, the therapist says: "You're not gay" and Juliet responds: "I'm attracted to men." the therapist then says: "Maybe. But I know lots of gay men and you're not like them." what exactly does this mean? this is before Juliet's talked about how she experiences dysphoria btw. sounds like she was talking to someone who was stereotyping gay men. the inclusion of this comment in this book is something that puzzles me; is she using it to say that even this random who didn't know what 'transgender' meant knew that she wasn't a gay man at essence?
- the idea that becoming a woman means chemically becoming more emotional. I haven't experienced HRT but this is something that raised red flags given that it's a point that misogynists love making. also she criticizes the idea that testosterone makes men unable to control their violent impulses so the idea that having less of it makes you more emotional, more in touch with your emotions doesn't seem to fit with her own views? idk
- that she talks about how when she was a child she just thought feminism was a "pejorative to belittle humourless, unreasonably angry women" and never really engages what feminism is or what it has achieved again. she basically states that she's become more of a feminist in that now she's experienced transmisogyny. otherwise, she only really talks about feminism when it's to (rightly) castigate hateful, idiotic bigots like bindel and burchill.
- that she points out that there's "a word for a man being too feminine, but not the opposite" as though femmephobia is something that is real. I'm sensitive to this issue because I've noticed that people hate butch women and continually downplay the discrimination they experience and instead state that 'masculine' people don't experience discrimination, and instead have 'masc privilege' ignoring how femininity/masculinity are gendered which is unbelievable
- she talks a lot about how she does not identify with masculinity, and the dysphoria she experiences, but then she makes the leap to having a "female spirit" - what is the claim? is there a female essence? is it femininity? I don't understand.
- the conflation of radical feminism with being a TERF
- the conflation of being a lesbian with being a radical feminist with being a TERF
- the dismissal of the criticisms of radical feminism of some claims ("i.e. I have a female spirit") with being a TERF without engaging at all. at least know where the criticism is coming from.
And again, it's not someone's responsibility to engage with theory, especially theory where some of the loudest adherents have been extremely hateful (Janice Raymond, Sheila Jeffreys etc). However, the radical feminist critique of gender is worth engaging with. It fits with what Sandy Stone was saying (who Juliet likes and talks about). There is a reason why it is so powerful, why it resonates with so many women. Because it makes sense and describes our lived experiences and realities. And there is no reason why it should be trans-exclusive.
April 14, 2017
Disclaimer, there could be several details listed here that could count as spoilers.
This was such a good read, I didn't want the book to end. But like all memoirs of people who are alive and well, history is still being written. And memoirs have become a common medium for trans people to convey not only their life story, but their beliefs, what they fight for and their hopes for the future (see Redefining Realness, Daring to Be Myself -by Janet Mock and Laverne Cox respectively, just to mention a couple of examples of recent stories that I'm familiar with).
On TRANS we get a walk-through the life of Juliet Jacques, but not necessarily linearly: we start at the point where she's about to get sex reassignment surgery so, everything is read like a long flashback. It's not limited to a pre-transition/post-transition retelling; she talks about discovering herself, or in other words, discovering the correct words for what she felt and saw from an early age. Prior to this I had very limited knowledge of who Juliet was and the work she did, but reading her was fascinating enough to have me browsing through the Guardian pages of A transgender journey.
What I liked the most is that, instead of getting to the gritty details of the surgery itself (she mentions this somewhere, that she meant to change that narrative that people love to consume: the Before and After) we get her childhood, growing up on an unfriendly environment for acceptance, the growing disphoria and her struggles with mental illnesses, her issues getting employed for a long time, how she reached out to football, music, film and writing to deal with her surroundings and coming to terms with herself, even after seeing the horrible but accepted portrayal of trans people, cross dressers and queer people in media and reality, in the UK.
There are so many music and movie references I can relate to and moved me intensely; more than once I had the music player on my phone going with some post punk playing while I read (later on, the excerpt including Godspeed You Black Emperor disarmed me, and I had to hold the tears). So many questions Juliet posed herself regards identifying and navigating the world as femme (and letting the world know!) that I could say I've asked myself as well, but I have to do so acknowledging that even as women who have to deal with systemic misogyny, harassment and oppression, I'll never fully understand the heightened terror of not knowing if I pass enough not to be murdered, even if I empathize with her. Her relationship with feminism, too; there's a point where she's basically asked to write clap backs to prominent feminist writers' articles, and is expected to give the liberal view, a generalized trans pov of the matter, and to her is tiring, to be expected to defend her existence because The Real Feminists don't think trans people should be allowed to be. Mainstream feminism, even with a realistic grasp of trans issues available, still fails to fully understand and empathize with their struggle.
I could continue to go at length with all the things I enjoyed about the book but just go read it. I'd recommend it to everyone, whether they have an idea of what does trans mean or not, because to those who don't really know it could be a very eye opening read, because she includes a lot of topics we The Cis are curious about and the way she opens up about them isn't to indulge the voyeurism. Juliet makes sure to describe everything in such a way that you understand right away or, at least, you're left with the need to research for more.
This was such a good read, I didn't want the book to end. But like all memoirs of people who are alive and well, history is still being written. And memoirs have become a common medium for trans people to convey not only their life story, but their beliefs, what they fight for and their hopes for the future (see Redefining Realness, Daring to Be Myself -by Janet Mock and Laverne Cox respectively, just to mention a couple of examples of recent stories that I'm familiar with).
On TRANS we get a walk-through the life of Juliet Jacques, but not necessarily linearly: we start at the point where she's about to get sex reassignment surgery so, everything is read like a long flashback. It's not limited to a pre-transition/post-transition retelling; she talks about discovering herself, or in other words, discovering the correct words for what she felt and saw from an early age. Prior to this I had very limited knowledge of who Juliet was and the work she did, but reading her was fascinating enough to have me browsing through the Guardian pages of A transgender journey.
What I liked the most is that, instead of getting to the gritty details of the surgery itself (she mentions this somewhere, that she meant to change that narrative that people love to consume: the Before and After) we get her childhood, growing up on an unfriendly environment for acceptance, the growing disphoria and her struggles with mental illnesses, her issues getting employed for a long time, how she reached out to football, music, film and writing to deal with her surroundings and coming to terms with herself, even after seeing the horrible but accepted portrayal of trans people, cross dressers and queer people in media and reality, in the UK.
There are so many music and movie references I can relate to and moved me intensely; more than once I had the music player on my phone going with some post punk playing while I read (later on, the excerpt including Godspeed You Black Emperor disarmed me, and I had to hold the tears). So many questions Juliet posed herself regards identifying and navigating the world as femme (and letting the world know!) that I could say I've asked myself as well, but I have to do so acknowledging that even as women who have to deal with systemic misogyny, harassment and oppression, I'll never fully understand the heightened terror of not knowing if I pass enough not to be murdered, even if I empathize with her. Her relationship with feminism, too; there's a point where she's basically asked to write clap backs to prominent feminist writers' articles, and is expected to give the liberal view, a generalized trans pov of the matter, and to her is tiring, to be expected to defend her existence because The Real Feminists don't think trans people should be allowed to be. Mainstream feminism, even with a realistic grasp of trans issues available, still fails to fully understand and empathize with their struggle.
I could continue to go at length with all the things I enjoyed about the book but just go read it. I'd recommend it to everyone, whether they have an idea of what does trans mean or not, because to those who don't really know it could be a very eye opening read, because she includes a lot of topics we The Cis are curious about and the way she opens up about them isn't to indulge the voyeurism. Juliet makes sure to describe everything in such a way that you understand right away or, at least, you're left with the need to research for more.
July 9, 2018
Part of me feels it's unfair to review memoirs with star ratings: memoirs are someone's life experience, so who am I to say "meh, not enough social porn for me to salivate over - 2 stars"? Also, many memoirs are written by folk who may not be writers, and it shows, but the subject matter they need to get out of their system is worth 5 stars to learn about!
This all is to say that my 3 stars is a noncommittal urging: reading about the ups and downs of a person going through sex reassignment surgery should be required reading for young people so that nobody grows up hateful and not understanding why this is important. Jacques doesn't steer clear from unspoken burning questions that cis people may have.
At the same time, the 3 stars are there because I struggled to read through, mostly because Juliet Jacques's writing just wasn't a style I enjoy to read. There's also quite a lot of talk about soccer and although I grew up watching Premier League on Saturdays, my eyes still glazed over.
With that said, I know Juliet Jacques has a long career as a journalist, so I am looking forward to going through the archives of her shorter-form writing on the same subject.
This all is to say that my 3 stars is a noncommittal urging: reading about the ups and downs of a person going through sex reassignment surgery should be required reading for young people so that nobody grows up hateful and not understanding why this is important. Jacques doesn't steer clear from unspoken burning questions that cis people may have.
At the same time, the 3 stars are there because I struggled to read through, mostly because Juliet Jacques's writing just wasn't a style I enjoy to read. There's also quite a lot of talk about soccer and although I grew up watching Premier League on Saturdays, my eyes still glazed over.
With that said, I know Juliet Jacques has a long career as a journalist, so I am looking forward to going through the archives of her shorter-form writing on the same subject.
March 18, 2018
An excellent book. I was interested in the degree to which it strains against its form - a memoir - and the honesty that Jacques approaches the writing process with. The limitations of writing autobiographically are presented clearly, but ultimately Jacques decided that these didn't override the necessity of writing such a book - not least because it is the sort of book which many people need to be able to read. Nevertheless, the justified cynicism about the form ultimately makes for a much more interesting work which avoids being restricted to a narrow (and, importantly, medical) discussion of being trans; as well as unpacking and undermining an array of stereotypes and simplifications, the book contains an enormous amount of interest about music, fashion, football, etc.
April 8, 2019
A powerful narrative which interweaves personal memoir with incisive commentary on the representation of trans people in entertainment and journalistic media, as well as the political and medical implications of being trans in the UK specifically.
cw: references to media representations of transantagonist violence, suicidal ideation, coping with someone else's completed suicide, street harassment, graphic descriptions of genital surgery
cw: references to media representations of transantagonist violence, suicidal ideation, coping with someone else's completed suicide, street harassment, graphic descriptions of genital surgery
June 26, 2016
Really interesting mix of personal experience and trans cultural history. The sense of setting was strong and the interview at the end was a great way to finish.
December 31, 2018
This is not the book she wanted to write, and that shows in the work. Glad I read it, but not glad she had to write it.
January 2, 2019
Brill stuff
July 6, 2018
I initially found this book a bit of a trudge, but I kept going, and I'm glad I did. The narrative, particularly in the first half, lingers on the mundane details of everyday life a little too much for me. But I understand the intention behind this, to offer a representation of a life that is ordinary in so many ways, as lives of trans people are so often sensationalised, weaponised, and even their right to exist called into question.
It is no real surprise that it is at the point in the book when Juliet starts to live as a woman in all spheres of her life that the prose really starts to come alive, despite all of the difficulties associated with coming out. The veil is lifted.
The tension between private and public, and the personal and political is palpable throughout. The book is essentially a bildungsroman, charting Jacques' gradual personal revolution, but it is impossible for her to escape the social, political and historical context of her transition. Her decision to write about her personal experience and put it in the public sphere is political in itself, and is laudable.
Despite my misgivings about the prose style, this book is important. As a cis reader, who aspires to be a fully inclusive and intersectional feminist, it lead me to a better understanding of the trans experience (if there is such a thing), and gave me more ammunition for pushing back against that vile strand of feminism that excludes trans people.
Please read it.
It is no real surprise that it is at the point in the book when Juliet starts to live as a woman in all spheres of her life that the prose really starts to come alive, despite all of the difficulties associated with coming out. The veil is lifted.
The tension between private and public, and the personal and political is palpable throughout. The book is essentially a bildungsroman, charting Jacques' gradual personal revolution, but it is impossible for her to escape the social, political and historical context of her transition. Her decision to write about her personal experience and put it in the public sphere is political in itself, and is laudable.
Despite my misgivings about the prose style, this book is important. As a cis reader, who aspires to be a fully inclusive and intersectional feminist, it lead me to a better understanding of the trans experience (if there is such a thing), and gave me more ammunition for pushing back against that vile strand of feminism that excludes trans people.
Please read it.
April 6, 2022
after reading two of juliet jacques' stunning books in two months, i'm officially ready to quit my job and become a full-time stan of her incredible work. in her unflinchingly raw recantation of her early childhood, adulthood and eventual realisation of her gender identity, jacques provides us with an unfiltered glance into her world. honest, sharp and at times painful, trans: a memoir is essential reading for anyone who may be discovering themselves for the first time or those eager to understand the true reality of life as a trans person in britain today.
it is important to note that although trans people may engage in similar experiences socially, medically and mentally, one person's life is not directly comparable to that of someone else and jacques makes this clear from the book's beginnings. entrenched in "lad culture" from an early age, jacques grew up football mad, her interests eventually evolving with the emergence of niche world cinema and the indie scene of the 19890s. yet despite this, she always sought out those who challenged the status quo, finding solace in the lyrics of gender-fuck musicians and eventually going out "in drag" to queer clubs. yet bubbling under the surface lay more than the art of drag as jacques slowly socially transitioned.
i truly cannot state enough how much i appreciated jacques' frankness when discussing her identity and the subsequent difficulties she faced by not only her family, friends and colleagues, but the medical profession. much has been said in the media regarding the lack of true understanding surrounding the process of transitioning and as a journalist, jacques is keen to correct these falsehoods. yet even she is aware that she benefits from the privilege of early social transition, whereas many younger trans people face longer wait times and more medical prejudice in more recent times. her words carry a certain sense of apologetic tone towards those who have faced hardship, once again emphasising that not all experiences are the same. her quick wit, sense of humour and ultimately her honesty with every aspect of her journey, make jacques the perfect mentor figure for anyone reading her words.
not only does jacques attempt to provide us with a personalised picture of her own life, but she is keen to educate us on the culture she experienced at key points of her transition. i loved her moments with friends and family, the slow realisation that a change of name or appearance did not change her love for sports and music. i found it equally exciting to learn more about the political an social landscape of the 1990s and early 2000s, and the subsequent impact these factors played on her life. there's something so compelling about her writing style and i never found myself bored or straying from her wonderful words.
i really cannot champion juliet jacques' work enough and i eagerly await to see which of the many ideas discussed in her memoir she follows through with next.
it is important to note that although trans people may engage in similar experiences socially, medically and mentally, one person's life is not directly comparable to that of someone else and jacques makes this clear from the book's beginnings. entrenched in "lad culture" from an early age, jacques grew up football mad, her interests eventually evolving with the emergence of niche world cinema and the indie scene of the 19890s. yet despite this, she always sought out those who challenged the status quo, finding solace in the lyrics of gender-fuck musicians and eventually going out "in drag" to queer clubs. yet bubbling under the surface lay more than the art of drag as jacques slowly socially transitioned.
i truly cannot state enough how much i appreciated jacques' frankness when discussing her identity and the subsequent difficulties she faced by not only her family, friends and colleagues, but the medical profession. much has been said in the media regarding the lack of true understanding surrounding the process of transitioning and as a journalist, jacques is keen to correct these falsehoods. yet even she is aware that she benefits from the privilege of early social transition, whereas many younger trans people face longer wait times and more medical prejudice in more recent times. her words carry a certain sense of apologetic tone towards those who have faced hardship, once again emphasising that not all experiences are the same. her quick wit, sense of humour and ultimately her honesty with every aspect of her journey, make jacques the perfect mentor figure for anyone reading her words.
not only does jacques attempt to provide us with a personalised picture of her own life, but she is keen to educate us on the culture she experienced at key points of her transition. i loved her moments with friends and family, the slow realisation that a change of name or appearance did not change her love for sports and music. i found it equally exciting to learn more about the political an social landscape of the 1990s and early 2000s, and the subsequent impact these factors played on her life. there's something so compelling about her writing style and i never found myself bored or straying from her wonderful words.
i really cannot champion juliet jacques' work enough and i eagerly await to see which of the many ideas discussed in her memoir she follows through with next.
July 5, 2018
I liked this memoir chronicling a transwoman's journey into her decision to have gender reassignment surgery, coming to better understand her own gender identity, and also discussing transgender-related literature and films. The author does a nice job mixing the personal along with discussing literature related to transgender people and how it has changed through the times. She also frequently discusses the transphobic feminist authors--reminding us that not all feminists are created equal.
I like the way she discusses music that had a special meaning for her and also her critiques of various movies. In particular she reminds us of the ending of "Ace Ventura" and how incredibly demeaning and insensitive it is to the entire trans population. I wish that was the only popular movie that mocked the already marginalized transgender population but sadly it is just one of way too many. I found it an interesting read. Pick it up if gender stuff appeals to you.
I like the way she discusses music that had a special meaning for her and also her critiques of various movies. In particular she reminds us of the ending of "Ace Ventura" and how incredibly demeaning and insensitive it is to the entire trans population. I wish that was the only popular movie that mocked the already marginalized transgender population but sadly it is just one of way too many. I found it an interesting read. Pick it up if gender stuff appeals to you.
June 7, 2025
I found this, frankly, boring. Maybe it’s because this is not the first book by a trans person I have read, or because I am well enough versed in trans and feminist theory, but this was a rather boring story about a trans woman who is born in Surrey, moves to Manchester for university and eventually come out as trans to about the expected level of cultural resistance, possibly less. The author themselves is constantly critical of trans authors being stuck in the trap of memoir, whilst failing to have any reflexivity that she is doing exactly the same. More than that, she is critical of stories which center surgery as the climax and end point of trans stories - and yet her own book begins and ends with her bottom surgery and is narrator structures with that at its center. She suggests that she is critical of ‘identity politics’ and yet has capitalised off her trans-ness without anything at stake or anything original theoretically.
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