The Relationship Principles of Jesus: How to Love Like Jesus

by Tom Holladay, Rick Warren (Foreword)

What would you give to radically improve, even transform, what matters most in your relationships? You can thrive in your career, acquire wealth, or build a great reputation. But if your relationships aren't thriving, nothing else matters.

This 40-day journey will bring new depth and health to your marriage, your family, and your friendships. Saddleback Church teaching pastor Tom Holladay helps you explore and begin to practice six foundational principles including how to give your relationships the highest value, love as Jesus loves you, and communicate from the heart. You'll be equipped with insights and a practical path for fulfilling God’s intention for all your relationships--even the difficult ones.

The Relationship Principles of Jesus walks you step by step through learning the foundational relationship truths taught by Jesus. Shaped after Rick Warren's monumental bestseller, The Purpose Driven Life, this book invites you to learn from the Master of relationships.

Genres: Christian, Relationships, Nonfiction, Religion, Christian Living, Christian Non Fiction, Christianity

337 pages, Kindle Edition

First published September 16, 2008

Reviews

[Summer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book at just the right time. I have come to realize that not everyone will understand us, even Jesus was misunderstood at times, but he continued, he kept going. People fail us, but in those moments let us remember that Jesus faced the worst kinds of betrayal yet he persevered in the greatest ways. How? Because of his relationship with his Father. I don't think Jesus expected us to be best friends with everyone, even he had his closest friends, but he does expect us to care, to love. This book helped me get through different challenges and helped me see people from a different perspective. Our relationship with Jesus is priority and he knows our hearts better than anyone else and that comforts me!

[Vee · Rating 5 out of 5]

HAPPY EASTER!!!!
I finished this book yesterday. I went on a 40 day fast and every day I read one chapter. It was an AMAZING journey.
The concepts will stay with me for the rest of my life. I feel transformed, renewed. Don't miss this adventure.

During this process, I confessed so many things I didn't even know were sins. I gave forgiveness in places where I didn't even know I was holding unforgiveness. I saw people, relationships, life in a whole new light.
I kept a journal throughout the last forty days and here are some highlights:
I feel really open hearted and I'm really monitoring my thoughts and my heart and making a real effort to show mercy and forgiveness to others. When I think of the woman I used to be, I just have to shake my head and be honored that I am who I am now.
Around Day 16 -- I was thinking and working out bringing about my feelings that I've kept closed and locked up. After a conversation with a family member, I went for a walk and all of a sudden was struck with this feeling of guilt, or shame, or something... something... I hadn't felt it in so long I couldn't remember what the feeling was. In the past, I was able to just squash it down and detach from it... This time, I made a real effort to feel it wholly, embrace it and explore it. It was HARD. I realized that I really needed to talk and share some things I had been feeling about the death of my mother 2 years ago. I never asked for help so no one knew. I did it to myself. I was feeling lonely, sad, jealous, betrayal all in one. I'm glad I brough the feeling out, it felt like I scrubbed some grime off my soul.
Day 18 -- truth without love doesn't work. I used the truth like a weapon. I didn't tell the truth, I aimed it. Yes, the truth sometimes hurts, but it doesn't have to maim, kill destroy.
Big moment for me when I learned this...
Day 22 -- If we don't like someone, it's easy to attribute all their actions, even good ones to bad motives. When we like someone, we tend to excuse their wrong actions by saying that they have a good heart... BOTH RESPONSES ARE JUDGEMENTAL.
I listed all the people that I am judgemental with and explored why I was that way.. usually it's jealousy. Sometimes it was because they are very much like me. All the things I despised in them, were the same character flaws I had.

The main theme has been forgiveness... devotional after devotional, song after song, has been God telling me to work on this critical aspect of loving well.
It continues to be something that I have to work on day after day.. sometimes minute after minute.
3 More Days to go….
So here I am with only three days left. I thought it would be a an easy last couple of days, but I kidded myself. Just when I thought the finish line was close, I rounded the corner and it’s about 5 or 6 miles ahead. I feel defeated,like I can’t go on. There’s no other runners with me. I battle this alone. I have to finish, there’s nothing else to do. No one can pick me up and carry me, no one’s shoulder to lean on, I am utterly, bitterly alone.
I either have to run it, walk it or crawl it to the end. Right now, I'm just crawling. I didn’t expect this part to be so hard. Last night I reverted back to my teenage self. Lots of “feeling” and not sure what to do with them. I did what I did as a teenager, curled up with my little CD player, played a song over and over and over again, until I just cried and cried… then I listened some more and then I wrote down every single word of the song. I realized I am not alone, I’ll never be alone. God is always here with me. Jesus is in all of us. He manifests himself in the love and tenderness of others, sometimes the strict enforcer of a parent, and sometimes in the laughter of a child.. He’s always been here, my eyes just need to open.

Well, last night I went to my church's Easter service and I planned to break my fast with communion in a symbolic gesture unto the Lord but can you believe they didn't do communion!? I was about to get very very angry and make a fuss, then I realized it's just the enemy thwarting God's will. I'm telling you, he's in our churches and... everywhere... be on guard! I took all my irritation and offered it up to the Lord as a sacrifice. I have to do that quite often these days. I am changed. I am revived. I am a new person..
At church there was this this young man talking about how devastating the loss of his sister was and I finally saw my uncle's heartache. My uncle is my late mother's brother and he has been horrible to me growing up and during the funeral. Wouldn't give me her tax information and other paperwork to handle her estate. My mother and I had a turbulent relationship and when she passed unexpectedly, I was estranged from her. I guess he felt I shouldn't be there or he felt he needed to be angry with me in her honor or something... anyways, the young man talked about how close he was to his sister and my uncle finally materialized to me as a human being and I could understand and forgive him. In my life, this is huge! This was an unforgiveness that I had been holding onto and didn't even know it!!
I pray the rest of my life will be learning this type of compassion, kindness and love of others. I pray that I never forget this experience.
May my testimony help you in your journey to love.

[Steve Kingsbury · Rating 4 out of 5]

Within the subject of learning deeply, to your very core deeply, the relationship principles of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ it is vitally important to completely understand that it is an ongoing journey during our earthly life. We are human and have many weaknesses and shortcomings which within this existence makes it impossible to live completely as Jesus did during His time with us.

That knowledge and acceptance doesn't relieve us of the opportunity to strive towards this ideal. In fact, it is our responsibility to grow as much as we possibly can to live the life God envisions for all of His children. As we live, grow and become more like Jesus it is inconceivable and yet tremendously comforting to know that God has and continues to forgive us, that He loves us completely and that He always encourages and affirms us.

This book does a really good job of establishing the most important aspects of our lives, to live within honest and loving relationships. And the author does a really nice job of weaving Biblical instruction and encouragement into the road map of growth that is possible and upon which we are encouraged to travel. It is also important to heed the author's advice to read through the book slowly so that you can deeply consider each day's teaching.

[Kim Bobenhausen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book challenged me to think differently about my Christianity. Very thought provoking!

[s · Rating 3 out of 5]

my dad's church is supporting "40 days of love" a month-long program in how to improve your relationships and connect with love in your life. as part of the course, they are selling these books as a companion piece to the 4 weekly services that encompass the program. i bought the book and have been reading a chapter every night as designated. let me start by saying that this book is not a religious text but a self-help workbook and as such i believe it's a good one. regardless of whether or not you strive to be like jesus or consider yourself able to do so--this book really is a wonderful and uplifting guide to working through anger, fear, guilt, malice, jealousy and loss of faith--in yourself, god or other people.

i would couple this book with "getting the love you want" by harville hendrix--as many of the principles that hendrix discusses in a psychological framework are discussed in holladay's book--although this time from a judeo-christian framework. i would also recommend "the tibetan book of living and dying"--another self-help guide couched in a philosophical framework.

aside from the analytical perspective--emotionally--the book reminds you to be a better person--to put yourself outside the center of the universe--and put god and others in--and love will find you. trust god and the universe and love even when it's difficult--and that includes yourself. frankly speaking--jesus had it right there.

on a personal level--i am working on forgiveness--and this book has helped me tremendously in keeping me focused on forgiveness on a daily level. in a sense--each chapter is a devotional that you can help you explore whatever aspect plagues you.

[JD']

Ernest Hemingway was the survivor of World War I, the Spanish War, 2 plane wrecks and 3 divorces. At the end of his life he was treated with electroschock therapy. Paranoid that J Edgar Hoover and the FBI was out to get him, the Pulitzer and Nobel prize winning author committed suicide like his father and brother. There another Ernest who was also shot and killed in the same decade. Albeit this Ernest is less well known. The missionary to the Motilon Indians in South America was robbed by 7 brutal bandits dressed as policemen who shot Ernest Fowler to death but left his family alive. Ernest never afraid to get dirty serving others his whole life, had his wife say at the funeral: "Ernest Fowler was always ready to step aside for those in a hurry to get ahead, and step back to help and encourage those who were lagging behind."
Tom Holladay of Saddleback noted, "Ernest Hemingway took his life, Ernest Fowler gave his life. The missionary's heart called him to go to a dangerous place and serve a people noticed by very few others, a people whom God dearly loved." p.107
pg 107.... from The Relationship Principles of Jesus by Tom Holladay.
Dale Carnegie said, “The world is full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking. So the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage… if out of reading this book you get just one thing - to think always in terms of other people’s point of view, and see things from their angle - if you get that one thing… it may easily prove to be one of the building blocks of your career.”

[Kevin Lucia · Rating 5 out of 5]

A lot of good stuff in here, especially when it comes to relating to other people. I do have to say, however - it's really apparent that most our very visible "Christian leaders" do not practice these principles in any real way.

Especially convicting was the concluding section on humility in our relationships with others. I can confess with all transparency that as a writer - especially after experiencing even a modicum of success - I've struggled to maintain an attitude of humility internally, and I struggle in simply being happy for the success of others, rather than wishing for that success myself. Really made me reconsider how I think of myself in relation to others, especially in the writing world.

[Cindy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a well written book about Relationship Principles that Jesus taught. Starting with the two greatest commandments, Love the Lord Your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. The second is like it: Love your neighbor as your self. This book also talks about the Golden Rule. I like how this author wrote about these tough topics in any relationship. I believe it will be a BIG challenge to follow through with, but I know relationships are worth the sacrifice of my own pride, selfishness, and idols.

[Booksami · Rating 5 out of 5]

For anyone involved in Christian education, small group or cell group study, or just personal self-help in Christian growth and maturity, I would highly recommend this book!! Tom Hollady has written a wonderful guide to relationship building. But be warned! The reader is continually invited in each chapter to take honest reflection of themselves in an effort to bring healing and reconciliation to bruised, broken relationships, whether it's with a spouse, co-worker, parent, child, or boss.

[Alejandrina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Someone sold me this book for less than two dollars, and regardless of the circumstance under which I bought it, I had great expectations. Those great expectations diminished after beginning the book, because it had a slow beginning and I was not pleased. However, as I continued reading the book, it got better and better. It definitely had an impact on me that I believe will last a lifetime. Great book.

[Renee · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is very easy to read regardless of whether you are a new or seasoned Christian but some of the concepts are quite challenging for even mature Christians. There are seven daily chapters to read for each of the six principles addressed in this book. It also contains memory verses and actions to take. We used this book in conjunction with the workbook, 40 Days of Love, but it could easily be used alone as a book club discussion.

[Janelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved the day to day exercises. Learned, and am still trying to put into practice, how to better communicate with my daughters. Also learned its best to be humble, and try to be kind to others without always expecting anything in return. Has helped me become a more frequent volunteer.

[Kelsie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was so relevant and applicable. Each day I read a new chapter, I could relate it to a situation with a friend/coworker/relative I was presently dealing with in my life. I feel I should read this book every day of my life.

[Meichunyu · Rating 4 out of 5]

I can clearly see how my decision making process changed while I was reading this book...Relationships worth so much more than any other things we can name. It was Jesus' priority when he was on earth. Now, it is my priority. Thank God I came across this book in my 20s!!

[Kirk Weikart · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is part of the Saddleback Church's 40 day series. The book starts strong with good ideas well presented, but there are many days that were not memorable. The concepts presented were important, but either should have been truncated, or additional concepts introduced and developed.

[Andidandy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Will read it over and over. <3

[Scott Wison · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this as a course with our church and family. I found it interesting, it's a easy hand book some may find it to simple, I feel this was intentional so all could participate.

[Jun · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. A purposefully slowed down meditation on the importance of relationships. Holladay’s chapters on humility and abiding are simple and powerful.

[Serena Marie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have been reading Christian help books and devotionals for many years, but this book far exceeds most that I’ve read. Holladay brings Holy Spirit guided wisdom to a table that has long forgotten the importance of relationships. I love the clear examples, he uses and the challenges that truly make us, Christians, rethink how we manage relationships, set boundaries, and to really be like Jesus. And when we can’t, we learn to go to God for His power. This book was meant to be read in 40 days (a chapter a day) but I took it much slower to really challenge myself in everyday life. Highly recommend this as your next read!

[Madison Cox · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was written to be used as a 40 day study on relationships. I believe I may have missed out on the power of many of the points because I was not reading along with a group of people to discuss it with. A large majority of the examples were targeted at married people with children so at times it was hard to relate to the content. The author was conversational and presented scriptures in a way that made sense to the context. I especially enjoyed the takeaways that were included in the end of each chapter.

[Emery · Rating 5 out of 5]

Discovering the meaning of a true disciple of Jesus.

I have read this book with a group of men who used it as a model of contemporary Christ-following discipleship. It launched many heartfelt real revelations of what each of us face. Iron sharpens iron. I highly recommend this book to anyone desiring a real life with Jesus and not afraid of the power of transparency.

[Liza Lehman · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is meant to be read slowly over the course of 40 days, so you can really meditate on each principle. There are many challenging lessons, great reminders, and helpful tips about loving the way Jesus does. Of course, this is impossible in our own strength, but I love that the author points us back to Christ for His power to truly love.

[Connie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I did the audio version and listened to it on the way to work. Thought it was very insightful and had good practical applications. Would be a great discipleship training guide. Thinking of purchasing paper form to reread later. Lots of great insights and practical suggestions.

[Anna · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is absolutely amazing, and I will forever recommend it to everyone going forward! 💗 It has taught me a lot, helped me create better Godly habits and grow so much more in my faith and walk with God. A wonderful eye opener to building better relationships with my family and friends! 🙏🏻❤️

[Saxton Sink · Rating 5 out of 5]

Many would view this as a "devotional;" I view this as a neccesity for those who seek to love others through how Christ loves them. It takes discipline to read things you may already know, but C.S Lewis once said 'People need to be reminded more often than they need to be instructed'.

[Martina · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a wonderful way to celebrate Lent! There are 40 readings and it is about improving your life spiritually. Happy Easter everyone!

[Daniel Supimpa · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good entry point for someone seeking to understand basic principles of the Christian faith, but much oriented towards "evangelical culture".

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

A simple book that can be a great introduction to Christianity / how to live like a Christian in the aspect of your relationships.

[Kyle Ellis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very good read! Inspiring and captivating!

[Kevin Johnson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read with my Pinnacle Group partners during our Friday morning national prayer calls. Very opening!