Missionary

by Dylan Gray

A Reedsy Discovery must-read book of 2026—"Gray's story is captivating, heartbreaking, and hopeful at the same time"

After eighteen years of preparing to serve a Mormon mission, Dylan Gray arrives in Provo, Utah, determined to become the person everyone believes he already is.

But he can’t shake the feeling that his past, and the desires he has spent years trying to bury, have already doomed his mission from the start.

Inside the Missionary Training Center, where new missionaries spend their first weeks before being sent across the world, Dylan finds himself surrounded by conflicting guidance, daunting expectations, and temptations he hoped he had left behind. As his departure for South Africa draws closer, two new companions force him to confront competing aspects of himself: one who embodies everything he hopes to become, and one who makes him question whether becoming that person is even possible.

Inspired by real journal entries and filled with humor, faith, longing, and self-discovery, Missionary is the first book in a series chronicling one young man's attempt to reconcile his faith with the growing realization that he cannot pray himself into a different person.

Genres: LGBT

256 pages, Paperback

Expected publication August 27, 2026

About the author

I write as Dylan Gray because the life I live now is entirely separate from the life I lived, and the beliefs I worked hard to shed. That boy feels both like a hero and a stranger, someone I knew and loved but who doesn't exist in the same way anymore.

The pen name protects that separation, and it honors him. He tried so hard to be who the Church needed him to be. Fortunately, and courageously, he failed to do so. This is his book, and dedicated to all those who survived a similar journey.

I currently live in the Eastern U.S. with my husband and dog.

Reviews

[Chandler · Rating 5 out of 5]

Advanced Readers Copy Received from Author
Rating:
4.5⭐

Review:
Oh, my poor exmormon heart.

Dylan Gray offers a genuine, heartfelt look into a somewhat-fictionalized his own experiences growing up gay, while trying to stay within the Mormon church, specifically looking at the few weeks spent in the Provo MTC on his mission. Based on true experiences and journal entries from this time in his life, Missionary is filled with humor, religious guilt, pining, coming to terms with oneself, brotherhood and companionship, horny gay moments, and everything in between.

It was fantastic to read a book about a gay Mormon missionary from an author who obviously was a Mormon missionary. The book made me miss the missionary/mormon experience, with the little funny mormon cultural things we did all the time to the comfort of religious ritual observance, while also was spot on in the representation of growing up gay as a Mormon and going off to the mission field, where one is with another man 24/7. Loved the dynamic between the different characters and the brotherhood Elder Gray experienced.
Ugh. The moment in the temple while Elder Gray is fantasizing what it would be like to be knelt across from his beloved, making promises and being supremely happy across from the man of his dreams.

Characters felt real and distinct, dialogue was fine. Loved the flashbacks to other gay moments as a teen.

I think the pacing could have been a bit tighter with a little less time spent on the first few days in the MTC and more time could have been spent explaining the more intimate scenes with the other Elders, either the platonic or the horny intimate scenes. While I understand that Gray may not have wanted to go in too much detail and go into the realm of spice/smut, I think exploring/explaining Gray's reaction and thoughts/feelings to his naked/gay companion and the internal thoughts in the moment would have made those scenes even more excellent.
The ending came too soon and this book easily could have been longer, exploring the religious, horny, platonic, and romantic sides of the characters just a bit more.

The book made me realize just how young we were as missionaries and how I wish I too, like Elder Gray, had allowed myself to just... be me.

I wasn't sure if this book was pro-mormon church or not, but noting the author has also chosen to leave the church, like me, made me keep reading and see what the author's relationship with the church overall is even after all this. It's a very tricky thing, especially when one is in the church, trying to stay and trying to be good. Immediately disgusted and shouted aloud when he was promised that it would be taken from him, if he served the mission faithful. Disappointing and gross (on the part of that person IRL/character in the book. Not on the author at all).

Overall, Missionary is an excellent book and I look forward to reading more works by the author.

[Chandler · Rating 5 out of 5]

Picture in your mind a gay man. Do you have a clear image in your head?

Is it a young Mormon missionary from Vermont, knocking on your door in his crisp white collared shirt and a badge with his title "Elder Gray"?

I have so much to say about this book. And first, would like to thank the author for his bravery in being so candid and vulnerable. Thank you NetGalley for the access to this story as well.

Elder Gray (Dylan) is our reminder that being LGBTQIA+ doesn't have an outfit, an accent, a race, or even a religion. We exist and are valid, whether we are seen or not.

I would and will recommend this book to anyone who is deconstructing. In this book we see the absolute beat down of religion on an emerging adult's humanity. The well-built trap religion really is. The sense of belonging, the brotherhood, the ability to thrive in one setting and one lifestyle only. The hatred and the abuse on children that is normalized and legal. An inner child asking if god and their community truly prefers them dead. We are talking extremely heavy themes being expressed lightheartedly and innocently through the main character and his fellow missionaries.

Personally I am not exMo, but relate to exiting a prominent religion that is basically America's Values™ anyway so the extremism (even mutilating infant boys) is widely accepted. This book references the Mormon beliefs that cycle through Elder Gray's head so I was able to access and read some of these documents at the end of the chapters. Not strangely enough, most of them just refer to American values. I was more curious than I even knew regarding the doctrine, or things like what a "celestial room" is.
My heart goes out to the author who somehow made it through, and reading this story I don't know how. If you read this story and relate to it I commend your bravery and want to say you are perfect the way you are.
I just finished reading so I'll be back to edit after I have processed a bit! But WOW. Elder Gray's story meant so much to me and I will be buying a copy, along with every book in this series. I loved seeing the behind the scenes of the MTC, but more than that, the behind the scenes of human being who they tried to empty out and fill with a doctrine, an agenda.

🚪👬📖

Update: Some readers seem to worry this will circle to the author expressing you can be gay AND Mormon. That would be a bummer if that is the direction we are heading- but I do see the author is ExMormon so, I do not think it is!

[Katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am so glad I was able to get an advanced copy!!

I really enjoyed this book. I think the author did a great job telling the story with great detail that made it easy for readers to imagine themselves there.

Dylan’s time in the MTC was so fascinating to hear as a Mormon who did not go on a mission. It honestly broke my heart reading about him dealing with his internal struggles of not belonging as a missionary.

I loved the other characters in the book and thought their personalities were really fun in the way that they matched/clashed with Dylan’s. I’m so excited to read the other books in the series!!

[Caitlyn Lundberg · Rating 5 out of 5]

*Advanced Copy Review!*
Rate: 4.5/5

I am so thankful I had the chance to get an advanced copy of this book. I loved the details within this story and to have an inside look to the struggles Dylan Gray writes about here. As someone who grew up in this same religion and also served a mission, there was so much I felt I could relate to. I felt emotionally tied to the characters in the book and the feelings of not knowing where one belongs. This is a topic I wish the members of the church took more seriously and talked more about. Reading about the struggles and thoughts of Elder Gray and other characters was so heartbreaking knowing there are countless others out there who feel the exact same way. You deserve love and acceptance!!

I thought everything was paced out really well and I enjoyed the writing style as well. I couldn’t put the book down once I got past the first few chapters. I can’t wait to read the books that come after this one! Thank you for sending me an advanced copy. I definitely reccomend this read!

[a_n_i_t_a · Rating 4 out of 5]

Review of Advanced Reader Copy from NetGalley

• queer • religious - LDS/Mormon •

While the author’s note stresses that this is a work of fiction based on his lived experience, it feels entirely sincere. The REALNESS of this story seeped through and I could not stop reading, I finished this in a day, I was invested!

Dylan - ‘Elder Gray’ - is off to a the Utah Missionary Training Centre, a three-week training camp for a host of teenagers/young adults about to serve a two year mission. A boy who knows he’s gay, but hopes and prays that it’s a phase, he is trying to… Overcome it? Deny it?… Abstain from it?
All of these things, probably. And he’s not the only one.

Dylan’s many confusing and contradictory feelings were written quite well.
Devotion to his faith and wanting to serve.
Avoiding temptation and denying part of himself.
Hoping he will be changed, but not being able to imagine being different to how he is now.

Then there’s the pressure to marry when he gets home. Or the alternative, to what…? Be alone for the unending foreverness of a Mormon eternity…?

So much on a young persons shoulders, and I really felt that reading this book.

Dylan forms a comforting bond with his allocated companion and roommate Elder Jacobsen, who is kind and just gives Mormon-poster-boy—’ready to serve’. Plus their extended allocated group of missionaries including Elder Bromley. The friendship between these three was touching to read, even if Dylan’s self awareness made him a bit awkward.

This book ends when the training camp is over… and I desperately want to read the rest of Dylan’s story.

~
Phew, ok. On a more personal note, I had lots of feelings reading this. My Grandparents and Mum are/were Mormon and I suppose you could say I’m an ‘inactive member’ since I was baptised as a kid and attended church until I was maybe 14? And while organised religion is definitely not for me, I continue to have a real soft spot for Mormon missionaries. They were the best part of the church, so friendly and positive, and part of me thrilled when they visited or were staying for dinner. Now that I’m well and truly a real-life grown up these days, I can look back and think how hard that time must’ve been for a lot of those kids, especially those struggling with sense of self and familial pressures. You would never know it though.

A difficult, but important story. Heavy on the religion as you would expect, but in a way that is very easy to read. I can tell the author has really tried to be respectful to the LDS church while still getting the story across in an honest way.


4.5⭐️ not a literary masterpiece, but thoroughly engaging, heartfelt, honest.
It feels wrong to put a chilli emoji here 😅 some off page and on page descriptions, mostly vague, not overly explicit. Generally felt respectful without being prudish?


Thankyou to NetGalley and The Author for this Advanced Reader Copy

>>Pub Day 27 August 2026<<

[scorpionlibrarian · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to the author for the advanced copy!

I’m not LDS, but I did grow up Christian, and I deeply understood the emotions and mental gymnastics the main character experienced throughout this story. As someone who knew I was queer from a young age, I also carried the guilt of wanting to be a child of God while also wanting to love who I wanted to love. This book captures that internal conflict with so much compassion and honesty.

Sadly, I think a lot of queer people who grew up in religious households during the 1990s and 2000s will see pieces of themselves in this story. Many of us were taught that our identity and our faith couldn’t coexist, and that leaves wounds that can take years to heal. While it’s heartbreaking that so many people share that experience, I also think there’s hope in realizing that being true to yourself and loving who you love isn’t something you should ever have to apologize for.

One of my favorite parts of this book was the balance between wanting to be a faithful member of the church and wanting to live authentically. I’m especially grateful Elder Gray had Elder Bromley and Jacobsen by his side. Having someone who listens without judgment, leads with empathy, and reminds you that you’re worthy is something not everyone gets. Too often, the opposite happens.

Overall, this is a powerful and emotional read. I especially recommend it to anyone who has ever struggled to reconcile their faith with their identity, or who simply wants to read a story about choosing authenticity over fear.

My only criticism is that it took a while for the story to get to the emotional core, only for it to end just as things really started gaining momentum. That may come down to personal preference, but I found the book spent more time explaining the structure and practices of the LDS faith than exploring how those beliefs shaped the characters’ emotional journeys.

I didn’t pick up this book to learn the details of missionary life. I picked it up to read about what it’s like to navigate being secretly queer in that environment and the emotional process of accepting yourself. While the religious context is important, I wanted more time spent on the characters and their relationships rather than the logistics of the faith.

That said, I saw there are more books planned, and I’m hopeful the next installments will build on this foundation by diving deeper into the characters and their personal growth. I think that’s where this series has the potential to shine.

[Leah N · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you so much, Dylan Gray, for granting me the opportunity to read this before publication.

I was interested in this story as someone who found themselves dumped into BYU-contracted apartment housing as a first year intern during college. I came from several states away, hadn't spent much, if any, time in Utah and knew basically nothing about the LDS faith (beyond the attempt of one of my Boy Scout campers, the year before, trying to give me a copy of The Book of Mormon). The apartment required me to sign the BYU honor code and endure odd requirements of someone who was just there to work for the summer. During my internship, I worked and became friends with several people that were active members at the time and have since left the church. Then, I found myself moving to Salt Lake permanently after college. I wanted to learn more about what Missionaries experience as well as the internal struggles of those that find themselves outside the acceptable box of a good Mormon.

The rating above is a rounded 4, but I would really give this closer to a 3.75. The story is well written, full of humor and intelligent contemplations regarding faith and self-identity. My main complaint is that it took about halfway through the book to get to the deeper thoughts and feelings of our author. The first half of the book was very "horny teenage boy". We get some surface level insight into the self-conscious feelings of a Missionary who is gay finding himself amongst loads of temptation. However, it fell a little flat before it finally picked up again. I say this with the caveat that I, in fact, have never been a horny teenage boy, so some of me wanting to move along comes from a lack of understanding on that side of things. HA!

My only other complaint is that I didn't want this to end, yet. I know we have two more books coming, but the story was finally picking up and the MC's character development was hitting a new stride. I do think that this first installment does a great job of setting up the rest of the story. Through pure osmosis of living in Salt Lake for such a long time, I know more now about the LDS faith, however I still learned many new things reading this story. Thank you for the footnotes. People with absolutely zero knowledge can pick this up and not feel lost.

I can't wait to see what's in store for Book 2. Also, go follow his Substack! There is more there to supplement us as we wait for next year. ;)

[Alex (The Informal Library) · Rating 5 out of 5]

ARC Review
You know sometimes it's just so obvious when an author puts their literal heart and soul into a book. Don't get me wrong I know almost every author's pours their love into their works, but this book truly feels like Dylan is entrusting the reader with literal piece of his very heart and being. Which given the fact this story is based of his life and experiences, that is exactly the feeling I was hoping to have reading this.

This book sucks you into Dylan’s world quick. Experiencing the world of young adult who is entering into a massive transitional phase of his life, trying to see and hoping that he can find his place in the world and community he’s not entirely sure he belongs. You feel the impact of his highs just as much as you feel his lows. It’s heartbreaking in some ways; like you just want to wrap this kid up in a tight hug and let him know it’s going to be okay. But in other ways there is a-lot of joy in his life and the connections he’s forming in spite of it all. Not to mention lots of humor to balance out the book and its heavier themes. I found myself laughing more than I expected.

This isn’t a romance (for now); Dylan is struggling with his feelings and emotions — yes, and there is definitely something brewing which I will likely get explored in future books; but at its core this is a book about friendship and identity. Dylan’s friendship with Lucas and Noah is the focus and it’s very healing in a way. You care about all these boys and what happens to them. By the time I wrapped up reading this; I was left me feeling a little bittersweet. We know that Dylan ultimately is going be okay, but we also know he has a long road ahead of him still. But I’m excited to see where it takes him. There is a scene towards the end where Dylan is saying goodbye to another character and in his mind he is wishing he would've taken the time to know them more. And it's very synonymous with what you feel as a reader. Because you come to the realization that you're likely ever going to see some of these characters again or know what happens to them. But such is life, right? But by the time I got the the last page I was feeling a bit bittersweet. We know that Dylan ultimately is going be okay, but we also know he has a long road ahead of him still. Nonetheless, I'm excited to see where it takes him.

While all thoughts and opinions include in this review are my own, I want to give a big thank you to NetGalley and Dylan Gray for the complimentary copy!

See my Instagram Post about this book!

[Chelsea · Rating 5 out of 5]

I admit, my Mormon knowledge spans from.... what I've seen in American movies, to.... The book of Mormon musical....

So needless to say..... my knowledge bank on this topic was sitting at an amount between... ✨next to nothing✨ and ✨diddlysquat✨

And what an amazing story this was.
It's an incredible read about a young guy coming to terms with himself, and his faith.

But tbh, other than the FOOTNOTES (which reeeeeeeeeeeeally tickled my pickle. I love that this book felt authentic and I felt like I learned something) the most amazing part of this book....... is how real these main characters were.

The diaologue and interactions felt organic, realistic, and played out in the most relaxing head cinema.
They joke, tease eachother and play around like normal humans?
It didn't feel forced and felt more like I was there with them in he cuck chair as opposed to just reading words on a page telling me a story...

Dylan is witty, and full of depth.
I can't wait to see how he, and his relationships expand in the next 2 books.
I love Bromley so much, and I loved Jacobsen so much.
I always love characters who are very tactile and touch-friendly.

I NEED ALL 3 BOOKS PLEZ N TANK U, thank god the wait isn't too long!



I admit, when authors reach out to me, I GET NERVOUS.
Like... you want me? to read and review your book?? have you seen my goodreads??


BUT EVERY NOW AND AGAIN I TAKE THAT RISK AND IT PAYS OFF.
Holy hell.



"'do you strive for moral cleanliness in your thoughts and behavior?' I said yes. I did strive. There was a lot of striving, in fact. Just not an equal amount of restraint."

[Amy Kaplan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Missionary: A Novel is a story of religion and sex, and how to come to terms with the fact that the two things might not align.

Elder Gray is a young man preparing to leave for his Mormon mission trip and is grappling with the realization that he's sexually attracted to men. How can a devout Mormon be living a double life while simultaneously serving God abroad?

I really enjoyed the concept, I was instantly intrigued by the story as it's not one you hear very often. Pair that with the semi-autobiographical aspect and I was in. Gray's story was a quick and easy read and I was hooked by the descriptions of mormon missionary life, and learned a lot about the culture and rituals. I was pulling for Gray, and felt the emotions along with him, from the excitement of young love, to the nervousness of being caught and the push and pull between what you think is right and wrong.

I wish it was longer and I would have preferred more in one book, rather than making this a series.

I also felt that the flashbacks were too many and there were even flashbacks within flashbacks so it took me out of the current story too often. I almost wonder if doing something more chronological would have served the story better. I also felt that the date/location stamped chapters were not needed, I could deduce where in the story we were without them and they were too busy. The same goes for the footnotes. At times it felt like I was reading an educational manual, rather than a book. I did find the information helpful but I felt it could have been worked into the story in an organic way, especially because the book was so short. I would have given it a higher rating if the story had been more fleshed out/robust.

Overall, I thought it was a great read and it's a topic that a lot of people could learn from. I'm excited to see where Elder Gray goes from here.

[James Seger · Rating 4 out of 5]

So glad I got an advanced reader's copy of this one.

Dylan Gray is a gay Mormon teenager starting his two years of missionary service at the Missionary Training Center in Provo, Utah.

A young man struggling to do right by his beliefs and his biology is an inherently interesting idea and Gray is a good enough author to pull it off well.

The book covers the time from Gray arriving at the MTC through boarding the plane to the country he's to serve his mission in, South Africa.

It takes you through the process of Missionary training and gives us outsiders enough detail that we understand this world and the church that runs it, without bogging us down with tons of useless minutia. He also effortlessly captures that 1950's Leave It To Beaver naivety that so much of the Mormon world seems to have.

It would have been easy to dish dirt on the church, or turn this into some sweaty fantasy, but he does a good job telling a story about a kid trying his very best to do right by a church that he believes in, though it doesn't have room for him. Gray the character believes in the church, so details of the church's teachings that outsiders like us will need are passed on in an even-handed way. I do think a Mormon could comfortably read this book without feeling that their church was attacked or disrespected.

Elders Gray, Jacobson and Bromley are all believable, earnest characters. You can't help but love Jacobson who sometimes seems like what you might get if a Labrador retriever became a human. And Bromley, using humor to deflect, could easily have become the snide funny sidekick guy from so many movies. But the author is too good for that to happen.

I really enjoyed the book start to finish and was sad to see it end. I will be picking up the sequels.

[Miles · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an ARC review, which I got to read thanks to NetGalley.

Missionary is a first book of a series about Dylan Gray - young, homosexual, Mormon boy preparing for his mission in South Africa, and it takes us on a journey through Dylan's journal.

This position was very interesting to me as someone who haven't met any Mormons and lives in a country where Mormonism practically doesn't exist. Missionary provided me with a LOT of information about Mormonism - doctrine, lifestyle, expectations within a religion and from other members. LDS terms are explained, so if you -like me - have absolutely no knowledge about Mormons, don't worry, footnotes will guide you!

Main character, Dylan, is nicely written and I'm really fond of him - he is VERY relatable (if you also struggle with religion of any kind), and within his religious setting he seems abnormally human in everything he does. Throughout the book I got to see his thoughts, struggles, and interactions with others - particularly Elder Jacobsen and Elder Bromley, which was endearing to read. Book itself is also packed with humour and a LOT of gayness so if you love both with addition of religious struggle, Missionary is for you!

The only thing that slightly disappointed me was that big part of character development and action took place in last few chapters, so when it got really REALLY good, it got cut off with an ending, BUT - there is a second book coming out next year so I hope we'll get to see more of character development!

Last thing I really want to say is that I recommend checking out authors website to learn more about him and series itself, so you can get a little bit more background about the project!

[Eli · Rating 4 out of 5]

“This series is a love letter to the boy I once was and the man I eventually found the courage to become.”

That sentence set the tone for this work in it's entirety. It's boyish openness makes my chest ache with the beauty and reverence of this story, of that willingness to share something so personal with readers. Loving and connecting is not a betrayal, not of the self and not of Christ. It's the most human thing anyone can do and this book is a testament to that. However painful it is, this journey and all the shame and weight it carries, it's something earnest. Just brilliantly written, something fresh and at the same time something familiar, and I can't wait for the next in the series.

[Trey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you to the author for this ARC.
I absolutely loved reading this. It was eye opening. The writing, while humorous and full of details, was also very vulnerable and showed so many personal details.
I cannot wait to read more!

[juulius · Rating 5 out of 5]

review 2 come

[Charli Lindeman · Rating 5 out of 5]

*Advanced reader copy received from author*

“If there were a better embodiment of the Greek demigod Achilles anywhere on Earth, I wouldn’t have believed it.
Oh, how I wished to be his Patroclus.”

I read this line and knew I was hooked.

Missionary was definitely a story worth reading.

Being gay and mormon—and a missionary to boot—is a naturally emotionally heavy topic. With the nature of the story, I was curious what the tone of the book was going to be. I was pleasantly surprised out of the gate with how well humor and dialogue were used to not only make the story come to life but also spotlight the positive moments that coexist with the internal battle Dylan is facing. I felt like I was in the MTC with Dylan, commiserating over the prison-like food and joining impromptu mattress jousting.

“Here lies Dylan Gray. He might not have been most people’s first choice, but he died doing what he loved: pretending to fight for his life while a half-naked Swede smothered him with his own bedsheets.”

Beyond the charm of Dylan’s story, I was particularly interested in representation of the LDS religion throughout the story. I thought the way the author wrote about the church and the other elders in Missionary wasn’t sugar coated, but wasn’t offensive to the religion. Dylan’s experience feels genuine and in line with what I experienced growing up mormon.

I will be eagerly awaiting the next part of Dylan’s story! I’m excited to read what happens next.