What do you think?
Rate this book
We Don't Talk About That: One Family’s Journey to the Other Side of Tragedy
“A gripping family saga that reveals profound truth about generational trauma, grief, and healing. We Don’t Talk About That is like a literary atlas, a detailed mapping of a sprawling family’s path through the wake of tragedy.”—Vince Granata, author of Everything Is Fine
“Schoepp uses careful research and compassionate reflection to trace the echoes of trauma across multiple generations of her own family’s history, inviting readers to consider the enduring power of memory and silence—as well as the possibility of healing.”—Alexandra A. Chan, author of In the Garden Behind the A Memoir of Loss, Myth, and Magic
When Amanda Schoepp was thirteen, she took a sleeper train with her grandfather from Los Angeles to New Orleans. On that trip, he shared how his parents died. It wasn't cancer or old age or pickled livers-it was murder-suicide.
For him to share this was rare because, following the 1963 tragedy, an unspoken agreement became oath among immediate Never discuss it.
Avoidance was seemingly easier than facing the pain, and the elders passed that belief on through generations.
Until now.
Leveraging a decade of research and interviews with her wonderfully dysfunctional Cajun family, Schoepp illuminates for the first time the realities of her lineage, exploring the complexities of generational trauma and the ways a singular event can shape the future.
We Don't Talk About That follows her Southern family's overnight upheaval, the unbounding resilience that finds its way through the cracks, and how Schoepp uniquely fits into the greater patchwork of it all.
“Schoepp uses careful research and compassionate reflection to trace the echoes of trauma across multiple generations of her own family’s history, inviting readers to consider the enduring power of memory and silence—as well as the possibility of healing.”—Alexandra A. Chan, author of In the Garden Behind the A Memoir of Loss, Myth, and Magic
When Amanda Schoepp was thirteen, she took a sleeper train with her grandfather from Los Angeles to New Orleans. On that trip, he shared how his parents died. It wasn't cancer or old age or pickled livers-it was murder-suicide.
For him to share this was rare because, following the 1963 tragedy, an unspoken agreement became oath among immediate Never discuss it.
Avoidance was seemingly easier than facing the pain, and the elders passed that belief on through generations.
Until now.
Leveraging a decade of research and interviews with her wonderfully dysfunctional Cajun family, Schoepp illuminates for the first time the realities of her lineage, exploring the complexities of generational trauma and the ways a singular event can shape the future.
We Don't Talk About That follows her Southern family's overnight upheaval, the unbounding resilience that finds its way through the cracks, and how Schoepp uniquely fits into the greater patchwork of it all.
- GenresMemoirNonfictionHistory
248 pages, Paperback
Published October 15, 2026
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews
October 16, 2026
[NetGalley Read #82]
4.25 ⭐️
"The future on this night was of no importance. No, only the remnants and scraps of a time long gone, one full of sadness and secrets but punctuated with love and sometimes even beauty."
This was good. An intimate and vulnerable account of a big, big family and exploration of trauma and grief resulting from a tragedy that "we don't talk about".
I didn't think I'd enjoy it as much as I did. But that's my relationship with non-fiction in a nutshell. This was, at least for me, a page-turner. It's written in a way that I just wanted to keep going another page then another page even though the stories within the parts/chapters is divided in a way that you can easily stop and come back later.
The first chapter is a bit challenging to get through. To wrap your head around all the extended family going back to Lena's marriage to Ferdie Fontenot and then, a few pages later, Mary Lee Dauzat's marriage to Edmond Fontenot and the sheer complexity of it all can feel a bit too much. But, having now read the subsequent chapters, I feel like this chapter was necessary. Because of this, I think, I comfortably cruised through the subsequent chapters with only having to stop and reread a line or two to remember who was who. I should also add that it's explained very well.
The entire story leading up to the "incident" is told really well but it's the aftermath and the effects and the lives of the siblings that I loved reading about the most. The ripples of one incident following everyone through generations. I loved reading about Margie, Adrian, and Brian and their kids and extended families.
Hurricane Katrina is something that I'm aware of because of it's mentions and references in the news stories and movies and TV shows but it's the first time I've read about it from the perspective of people who lived through it.
Then there is, of course, the complex life of Jimmy Deshotel. Just like with his siblings, it's an intimate account of the man's life, his marriages, moods and griefs and burdens. And the subsequent line of his family to which the author belongs. I really liked the way she's written personal reflections and analyses of the trauma from that one incident and the struggles everyone's gone through in her family.
It ends on a bittersweet note with the gathering described in the Epilogue. I liked the points the author made there too and the line about "...exactly where we're supposed to be in this timeline".
It's a short-ish book (240+ pages). Easy to read (bar the first chapter which can appear challenging). Deals with heavy themes. Lots of anecdotes and personal histories. Better to read it in one sitting or in two or three days.
To the author: I'm glad you wrote this. Hope you're doing well.
Recommended. 👍
4.25 ⭐️
"The future on this night was of no importance. No, only the remnants and scraps of a time long gone, one full of sadness and secrets but punctuated with love and sometimes even beauty."
This was good. An intimate and vulnerable account of a big, big family and exploration of trauma and grief resulting from a tragedy that "we don't talk about".
I didn't think I'd enjoy it as much as I did. But that's my relationship with non-fiction in a nutshell. This was, at least for me, a page-turner. It's written in a way that I just wanted to keep going another page then another page even though the stories within the parts/chapters is divided in a way that you can easily stop and come back later.
The first chapter is a bit challenging to get through. To wrap your head around all the extended family going back to Lena's marriage to Ferdie Fontenot and then, a few pages later, Mary Lee Dauzat's marriage to Edmond Fontenot and the sheer complexity of it all can feel a bit too much. But, having now read the subsequent chapters, I feel like this chapter was necessary. Because of this, I think, I comfortably cruised through the subsequent chapters with only having to stop and reread a line or two to remember who was who. I should also add that it's explained very well.
The entire story leading up to the "incident" is told really well but it's the aftermath and the effects and the lives of the siblings that I loved reading about the most. The ripples of one incident following everyone through generations. I loved reading about Margie, Adrian, and Brian and their kids and extended families.
Hurricane Katrina is something that I'm aware of because of it's mentions and references in the news stories and movies and TV shows but it's the first time I've read about it from the perspective of people who lived through it.
Then there is, of course, the complex life of Jimmy Deshotel. Just like with his siblings, it's an intimate account of the man's life, his marriages, moods and griefs and burdens. And the subsequent line of his family to which the author belongs. I really liked the way she's written personal reflections and analyses of the trauma from that one incident and the struggles everyone's gone through in her family.
It ends on a bittersweet note with the gathering described in the Epilogue. I liked the points the author made there too and the line about "...exactly where we're supposed to be in this timeline".
It's a short-ish book (240+ pages). Easy to read (bar the first chapter which can appear challenging). Deals with heavy themes. Lots of anecdotes and personal histories. Better to read it in one sitting or in two or three days.
To the author: I'm glad you wrote this. Hope you're doing well.
Recommended. 👍
Review of advance copy received from NetGalley
ARC provided by NetGalley and Koehler Books in exchange for an honest review
This memoir begins with a train journey. The author, aged 13, is travelling with her grandfather when he tells her about his parents, who died in a horrific murder-suicide when he was younger. From there, Schoepp begins exploring her family history: what happened, why it happened, and, perhaps most importantly, the impact it had on those left behind. At its heart, this is a book about generational trauma, and what can happen when something is hidden away and treated as a source of family shame rather than spoken about.
The murder itself isn't described until about 30% of the way through the book. Before that, there is a considerable amount of family history and backstory, introducing the various people connected to the couple who died. Immediately afterwards, however, the narrative jumps forward to 2017 and the author's research, then back to 2005 and Hurricane Katrina, before moving further backwards to a hurricane in the 1960s, then eventually returning to the lives of the individual family members in the years following the murder. I found at times these shifts were quite jarring, and struggled to follow the chronology.
A key gripe is with just how far back some of the family history went. I'm not sure I needed to travel all the way back to 18th century France and learn about the generations of ancestors in quite so much detail. While obviously interesting and important to the author's own understanding of her family - and useful in establishing their Cajun heritage - it felt removed from the central story. There were also a lot of names, marriages, births and dates, and sections occasionally became a little list-like and difficult to keep track of.
That said, I really enjoyed learning about the history and culture of a Cajun family, and this book has definitely made me want to attend a crawfish boil!
Ultimately, We Don't Talk about That is as much a family history as it is a true crime memoir. The crime is the catalyst, but the more interesting question is what happens afterwards: how something so traumatic reverberates through a family for decades, particularly when nobody talks about it. I'd recommend this to readers interested not only in true crime, but in the lives of those who survive it and the generational impact that violence, secrecy and shame can leave behind.
This memoir begins with a train journey. The author, aged 13, is travelling with her grandfather when he tells her about his parents, who died in a horrific murder-suicide when he was younger. From there, Schoepp begins exploring her family history: what happened, why it happened, and, perhaps most importantly, the impact it had on those left behind. At its heart, this is a book about generational trauma, and what can happen when something is hidden away and treated as a source of family shame rather than spoken about.
The murder itself isn't described until about 30% of the way through the book. Before that, there is a considerable amount of family history and backstory, introducing the various people connected to the couple who died. Immediately afterwards, however, the narrative jumps forward to 2017 and the author's research, then back to 2005 and Hurricane Katrina, before moving further backwards to a hurricane in the 1960s, then eventually returning to the lives of the individual family members in the years following the murder. I found at times these shifts were quite jarring, and struggled to follow the chronology.
A key gripe is with just how far back some of the family history went. I'm not sure I needed to travel all the way back to 18th century France and learn about the generations of ancestors in quite so much detail. While obviously interesting and important to the author's own understanding of her family - and useful in establishing their Cajun heritage - it felt removed from the central story. There were also a lot of names, marriages, births and dates, and sections occasionally became a little list-like and difficult to keep track of.
That said, I really enjoyed learning about the history and culture of a Cajun family, and this book has definitely made me want to attend a crawfish boil!
Ultimately, We Don't Talk about That is as much a family history as it is a true crime memoir. The crime is the catalyst, but the more interesting question is what happens afterwards: how something so traumatic reverberates through a family for decades, particularly when nobody talks about it. I'd recommend this to readers interested not only in true crime, but in the lives of those who survive it and the generational impact that violence, secrecy and shame can leave behind.
October 15, 2026
We Don't Talk About That
One Family's Journey to the Other Side of Tragedy
by Amanda Schoepp
Rated: 5 star rating
We Don't Talk About That by Amanda Schoepp is a great book that mixes true crime with a deeply personal family memoir.
The story starts when Amanda was thirteen on a sleeper train ride with her grandfather from Los Angeles to New Orleans, where he broke a decades long silence to reveal a dark secret. He confessed that his parents, the DesHotel family, didn't die of natural causes but were the subjects of a horrific 1963 murder-suicide in Louisiana.
After that tragedy, the elders in her Cajun family made a strict pact to never speak of it again, mistakenly thinking avoidance would protect everyone from the pain. Instead, that silence just passed a burden of hidden generational trauma down the line.
Decades later, Amanda used her skills as a former journalist and spent ten years digging through old public records, uncovering family archives, and interviewing her wonderfully dysfunctional family to finally piece together the truth.
Deeply rooted in Cajun heritage, the book gives you a real feel for how their culture shaped their grief. Amanda writes about her family with honesty, making this a powerful look at how keeping secrets can hurt a family, but also how much strength it takes to finally break the cycle and heal.
I highly recommend this to anyone who loves true crime with a lot of family focus on human resilience rather than just the crime itself. I think the author did i great job in writing this true crime memoir.
Thank you, NetGalley, Köehler Books, and author Amanda Schoepp, for providing me with a copy of this ebook review consideration. All review opinions are my own.
#NetGalley
#KöehlerBooks
#AmandaSchoepp author
#WeDontTalkAboutThat
http://goodreads.com/patriciasreading...
http://www.patriciasreadingroom.blogs...
One Family's Journey to the Other Side of Tragedy
by Amanda Schoepp
Rated: 5 star rating
We Don't Talk About That by Amanda Schoepp is a great book that mixes true crime with a deeply personal family memoir.
The story starts when Amanda was thirteen on a sleeper train ride with her grandfather from Los Angeles to New Orleans, where he broke a decades long silence to reveal a dark secret. He confessed that his parents, the DesHotel family, didn't die of natural causes but were the subjects of a horrific 1963 murder-suicide in Louisiana.
After that tragedy, the elders in her Cajun family made a strict pact to never speak of it again, mistakenly thinking avoidance would protect everyone from the pain. Instead, that silence just passed a burden of hidden generational trauma down the line.
Decades later, Amanda used her skills as a former journalist and spent ten years digging through old public records, uncovering family archives, and interviewing her wonderfully dysfunctional family to finally piece together the truth.
Deeply rooted in Cajun heritage, the book gives you a real feel for how their culture shaped their grief. Amanda writes about her family with honesty, making this a powerful look at how keeping secrets can hurt a family, but also how much strength it takes to finally break the cycle and heal.
I highly recommend this to anyone who loves true crime with a lot of family focus on human resilience rather than just the crime itself. I think the author did i great job in writing this true crime memoir.
Thank you, NetGalley, Köehler Books, and author Amanda Schoepp, for providing me with a copy of this ebook review consideration. All review opinions are my own.
#NetGalley
#KöehlerBooks
#AmandaSchoepp author
#WeDontTalkAboutThat
http://goodreads.com/patriciasreading...
http://www.patriciasreadingroom.blogs...
August 4, 2026
Thank you to NetGalley and Koehler Books for an advanced copy of the book.
2/5 stars
Plot: Non-fiction about a family tragedy. Brief look at inter generational trauma.
Impression: I did not connect well with this book, perhaps due to my own expectations. I was hoping to read more about the crime, investigation, and the role of trauma in the survivors lives. This was instead a deep dive into the authors family history as a whole. I didn’t feel that the childhood of family members that married into the Deshotels family was relevant- many different characters were introduced and hard to keep straight. Anecdotes such as the first time someone ate a Reuben sandwich cluttered the story. This is a lovely tribute for the family but missed the mark for me as both a memoir and exploration of the impact of trauma.
Trigger Warnings: abuse, murder/suicide, infidelity, mentions of addiction
Star System: 5 star reads are books I can’t put down and/or make me cry. This is a book that will stick with me for either the topic, writing style, or emotional impact.
4 star books are unique or interesting and perhaps teach me something new. A feel good read is usually 4 stars.
3 star reads are good, solid books. I’m not necessarily learning or feeling anything new.
2 star books have some plot holes or timeline issues. These are the books that just aren’t believable.
1 star books are typically offensive
2/5 stars
Plot: Non-fiction about a family tragedy. Brief look at inter generational trauma.
Impression: I did not connect well with this book, perhaps due to my own expectations. I was hoping to read more about the crime, investigation, and the role of trauma in the survivors lives. This was instead a deep dive into the authors family history as a whole. I didn’t feel that the childhood of family members that married into the Deshotels family was relevant- many different characters were introduced and hard to keep straight. Anecdotes such as the first time someone ate a Reuben sandwich cluttered the story. This is a lovely tribute for the family but missed the mark for me as both a memoir and exploration of the impact of trauma.
Trigger Warnings: abuse, murder/suicide, infidelity, mentions of addiction
Star System: 5 star reads are books I can’t put down and/or make me cry. This is a book that will stick with me for either the topic, writing style, or emotional impact.
4 star books are unique or interesting and perhaps teach me something new. A feel good read is usually 4 stars.
3 star reads are good, solid books. I’m not necessarily learning or feeling anything new.
2 star books have some plot holes or timeline issues. These are the books that just aren’t believable.
1 star books are typically offensive
Review of advance copy received from NetGalley
The organization, complexity and depth of this book was honestly confusing. Trying to keep names straight and jumping timelines was so hard to follow. I really wanted to enjoy this, but I just couldn’t. I think simplifying the stories and tying it all together throughout would’ve kept the reader on track. I don’t really need to know every little detail about immediate family members AND in-laws.
DNF at 47%.
Thank you to NetGalley and Köehler Books for the opportunity to dive into this Advance Readers Copy!
DNF at 47%.
Thank you to NetGalley and Köehler Books for the opportunity to dive into this Advance Readers Copy!
Review of advance copy received from NetGalley
4 stars!
I went into this book expecting a story centered around a murder-suicide, but this ended up being more more about family, generational trauma, and all of the things families choose not to talk about. One of my favorite things about it was that it felt like sitting in an older relative's living room listening to them tell you family stories. There was something so incredibly nostalgic about it. Surprisingly for a true crime novel a lot of the beginning made me smile even though I knew from the start that something heartbreaking was coming.
The murder suicide almost sits in the background for a good portion of the book. You know it happened, you know eventually you're going to get there, but the author spends so much time building the people and the family around it that it creates this strange amount of suspense for a nonfiction story. What really stuck with me was the idea of inheriting trauma from people who came before you. There was a moment when one of the grandchildren says "If I didn't know about this tragedy, what else has my family hidden?" That part got to me deep in my soul.
The author also talks about feeling like she is carrying the weight of her families trauma on her back, and as my own families story keeper I was able to really connect to the story in that moment. The feeling of carrying what came before you while also desperately trying to not let it spill over on my own children is so familiar to me.
As with many stories with multiple key players I did have a few times where I got mixed up about who was who, especially when you are introduced to the extended family members, but in the end I was able to mostly keep my characters straight.
In the end, what affected me most wasn't the crime. It was that this family shared so much history and so much love but yet they seemed so scared to say it or show it outloud. I teared up at the end because you could feel how badly Amanda wanted to be loved by her family and how much she wanted to make them proud. This was much more than just a true crime story. It was a book about what happens after a tragedy. How silence, grief, love, and trauma can ripple through a family for generations.
I went into this book expecting a story centered around a murder-suicide, but this ended up being more more about family, generational trauma, and all of the things families choose not to talk about. One of my favorite things about it was that it felt like sitting in an older relative's living room listening to them tell you family stories. There was something so incredibly nostalgic about it. Surprisingly for a true crime novel a lot of the beginning made me smile even though I knew from the start that something heartbreaking was coming.
The murder suicide almost sits in the background for a good portion of the book. You know it happened, you know eventually you're going to get there, but the author spends so much time building the people and the family around it that it creates this strange amount of suspense for a nonfiction story. What really stuck with me was the idea of inheriting trauma from people who came before you. There was a moment when one of the grandchildren says "If I didn't know about this tragedy, what else has my family hidden?" That part got to me deep in my soul.
The author also talks about feeling like she is carrying the weight of her families trauma on her back, and as my own families story keeper I was able to really connect to the story in that moment. The feeling of carrying what came before you while also desperately trying to not let it spill over on my own children is so familiar to me.
As with many stories with multiple key players I did have a few times where I got mixed up about who was who, especially when you are introduced to the extended family members, but in the end I was able to mostly keep my characters straight.
In the end, what affected me most wasn't the crime. It was that this family shared so much history and so much love but yet they seemed so scared to say it or show it outloud. I teared up at the end because you could feel how badly Amanda wanted to be loved by her family and how much she wanted to make them proud. This was much more than just a true crime story. It was a book about what happens after a tragedy. How silence, grief, love, and trauma can ripple through a family for generations.
August 8, 2026
Thank you to NetGalley and Köehler Books for providing me with an advance copy in exchange for an honest review.
2/5 stars
I was excited to read this book after learning it was based on a family secret involving a murder-suicide. The author clearly put an incredible amount of time and effort into researching the family and uncovering the stories surrounding its history.
However, the book focused much less on the crime itself and more on the effects of uncovering the shocking family secret and how that discovery impacted different members of the family. The number of family members introduced became confusing early on and made the story difficult to follow at times.
There were also moments when the writing felt almost like a stream of consciousness, as though the story was being written in real time as the author’s thoughts unfolded. This didn’t always translate well for me as a reader and made the narrative feel somewhat unfocused.
Ultimately, the storyline felt different from what had initially drawn me to the book. I think I would have enjoyed the book more if the story had aligned more closely with what I expected based on the book’s description.
Overall, it’s clear the author put a great deal of time, research, and heart into telling this story. Unfortunately, I just didn’t find it as engaging as I had hoped.
2/5 stars
I was excited to read this book after learning it was based on a family secret involving a murder-suicide. The author clearly put an incredible amount of time and effort into researching the family and uncovering the stories surrounding its history.
However, the book focused much less on the crime itself and more on the effects of uncovering the shocking family secret and how that discovery impacted different members of the family. The number of family members introduced became confusing early on and made the story difficult to follow at times.
There were also moments when the writing felt almost like a stream of consciousness, as though the story was being written in real time as the author’s thoughts unfolded. This didn’t always translate well for me as a reader and made the narrative feel somewhat unfocused.
Ultimately, the storyline felt different from what had initially drawn me to the book. I think I would have enjoyed the book more if the story had aligned more closely with what I expected based on the book’s description.
Overall, it’s clear the author put a great deal of time, research, and heart into telling this story. Unfortunately, I just didn’t find it as engaging as I had hoped.
Review of advance copy received from NetGalley
This is really a family's genealogy/history. She begins by bringing up a tragic event/crime occurring in 1963, then then fills in the 'before' & 'after' of their family. It's not a thriller, or a mystery, or nonfiction.....but totally her family's story. She includes health issues, careers, photographs, divorces, relocations, jobs, habits, travel, weather events, & lots of names to keep track of! There might've been some repetition in some of the recounting, but that helped to reinforce that I did have those people in the correct family......so the reader is able to keep up appropriately. It includes everything you'd want to accurately report a family history, & in a linear enough fashion. It's actually quite interesting to read, I was never bored! I'd especially recommend this to anyone interested in genealogy.....even if it's not your own!
I was given an e-ARC from publisher Koehler Books via NetGalley, providing a chance to read it & submit/post my won fair/honest review.
I was given an e-ARC from publisher Koehler Books via NetGalley, providing a chance to read it & submit/post my won fair/honest review.
Review of advance copy received from NetGalley
3.5 stars. The family history is intriguing and heavy, I appreciate all the research and heart in this book as well as touching on heavy subjects like generational trauma and PTSD. It was an easy read, but also storied and confusing at times. I can literally see the author wrestling with her thoughts almost as if in a therapy session and I appreciate that, however some of the story and flow gets left behind and parts of the book fall flat. The character development is there but confusing at times. I did enjoy this book and appreciate the honesty and healing, I think it will touch many, but just fell a little short at times for me. Thanks to NetGalley for this read.
Review of advance copy received from NetGalley
This was a good read about a family that endured a horrific loss in the early 1960s when their dad killed their mom and then himself after a night out. The four offspring felt the effects in many ways, and most of the family just buried it and didn’t talk about it at all. Many of the coming generations didn’t learn about it until after they became adults, because it was kept so quiet in the family. In later years, the family could see the generational trauma and how it affected so many of them.
Review of advance copy received from NetGalley
Very interesting book about a family tragedy.
The writing style is natural and follows the history of the authors family.
It was a very interesting read and I recommed, however it felt like this book was for family not the wider public. I wish the themes had been more explores, such as domestic violence, PTSD and family trauma. It was briefly discussed further than their family in the last few chapters.
Thanks for the ARC from Köehler Books!
The writing style is natural and follows the history of the authors family.
It was a very interesting read and I recommed, however it felt like this book was for family not the wider public. I wish the themes had been more explores, such as domestic violence, PTSD and family trauma. It was briefly discussed further than their family in the last few chapters.
Thanks for the ARC from Köehler Books!
Review of advance copy received from NetGalley
I enjoyed this. I don't think the tragedy that puts this family history in motion is truly an epicenter but the history it leads to is lovely, emotional, and endearing. Although dealing with generational trauma, the stories, as told, are just glimpses into a truly American story of abuse, death, growth, recovery, and familial love with the bumps along the way.
October 17, 2026
I was provided a review copy of this book. This book wasn’t bad, it just wasn’t my cup of tea. I’d recommend this book to anyone who likes reading books about how tragedy can impact a family through the generations.
Review of advance copy received from NetGalley
I felt for this family. It was heartfelt and heartbreaking. I found it hard to follow at times. Even though the trauma was hard, the author did a great job writing this story for their family.
Review of advance copy received from NetGalley
I was hoping for a true crime story the reasons the why but this book did not go into this. It was about issues the family had as a result of the crime.
Review of advance copy received from NetGalley
See my review at http://michelleardillo.com/2026/08/05...
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews