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Ready to Wed: 12 Ways to Start a Marriage You'll Love
Are You Planning a Wedding or Preparing for a Marriage?Like most engaged couples, you’re researching venues, trying on dresses and picking out tuxedos or suits, tasting sample dishes, dreaming of honeymoon destinations, and doing everything to ensure your wedding day is the event of a lifetime. But as more seasoned couples will tell you, there’s more to a marriage than a wedding. A lot more. How do you build a marriage that you’ve dreamed of?Dr. Greg Smalley, vice president of marriage at Focus on the Family, and his wife, Erin, along with 14 marriage experts, serve as your marriage guides as you prepare for life beyond the wedding day. From how to handle those everyday conflicts to how to better connect on a spiritual level, they’ll show you how to get ready for a lifetime of commitment. When the flowers have faded and the last morsel of cake has been eaten, you’ll stand with your new spouse, ready to face life together.Equip yourself for a marriage that lasts by to leave your parents (while still honoring them) and cleave to your spouseWhy spiritual intimacy is key to a lasting relationshipWhy the language of love is communication (and how to build it)How to manage conflict in a healthy, God-honoring wayWhy sexual intimacy in your marriage will be the gift that keeps on givingInvest in a marriage that will last for decades. Are you ready?
303 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2015
64 people are currently reading
187 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews
December 6, 2016
This is one of my favorite relationship books. It is actually geared toward the premarital stage, and I think was written largely as a resource to be used during premarital counseling. However, I read it after marriage and found it a refreshing mix of topics, including conflict, in-laws, expectations, and “the chore wars.”
This book is written by a variety of authors; some chapters are more engaging than others, but I enjoyed reading the different perspectives, all aligned with biblical principles on marriage.
This book is written by a variety of authors; some chapters are more engaging than others, but I enjoyed reading the different perspectives, all aligned with biblical principles on marriage.
December 11, 2018
Amazing book. Great way to begin the journey of marriage.
June 9, 2025
Let me be clear: if you desire to know what scripture has to say about marriage and what you as a husband or wife ought to understand about your new roles in a society where divorce is rampant because the cultural wisdom places emphasis is on individual autonomy, self-discovery, and self expression, then this is not the book for you.
The Smalleys have managed to compile one of the worst books I’ve had the unfortunate obligation to read. It was the original text we were going through in our pre-marital counseling, and fortunately we petitioned to abandon it partway through. While the authors may quote scripture, they never manage to apply it in any meaningful capacity. The Bible is used as little more than a stamp of authority to make you think their points have any real weight to them, but it quickly becomes clear that they don’t actually understand Christ and the gospel. There’s no applying your identity as a Christian to your marriage, there’s no comprehension of the radical work of the Spirit in a sinner, and there’s no hope in any of their words.
The authors of this book are running a scare tactic campaign. They try and frame marriage as something that’s guaranteed to fail unless you accept their particular “wisdom”. But whatever is good in this book can be found elsewhere from honest authors who truly desire to see you succeed.
The Smalleys have managed to compile one of the worst books I’ve had the unfortunate obligation to read. It was the original text we were going through in our pre-marital counseling, and fortunately we petitioned to abandon it partway through. While the authors may quote scripture, they never manage to apply it in any meaningful capacity. The Bible is used as little more than a stamp of authority to make you think their points have any real weight to them, but it quickly becomes clear that they don’t actually understand Christ and the gospel. There’s no applying your identity as a Christian to your marriage, there’s no comprehension of the radical work of the Spirit in a sinner, and there’s no hope in any of their words.
The authors of this book are running a scare tactic campaign. They try and frame marriage as something that’s guaranteed to fail unless you accept their particular “wisdom”. But whatever is good in this book can be found elsewhere from honest authors who truly desire to see you succeed.
December 31, 2018
A great relationship book!
My fiancé and I worked our way through this book together as part of our own premarital journey. We both enjoyed the different perspectives on a variety of topics, and the questions at the end of each chapter prompted some good conversations. While I will say that we'd largely discussed a lot of the topics that this book introduced, the ways that the topics were presented often shed a light on some particular thought or belief that we hadn't discussed, and the opportunity to then follow-up really helped deepen our relationship.
I personally found the various lists, checklists, and personality tools helpful as well. Again, some were more insightful than others, but overall, they helped clarify some things that we already knew about one another without having truly discussed those topics.
I'm not a marriage expert by any means--I'm not even married yet!--but this book is, in my opinion, a fantastically thorough, Christian-based, thought-provoking book for couples.
My fiancé and I worked our way through this book together as part of our own premarital journey. We both enjoyed the different perspectives on a variety of topics, and the questions at the end of each chapter prompted some good conversations. While I will say that we'd largely discussed a lot of the topics that this book introduced, the ways that the topics were presented often shed a light on some particular thought or belief that we hadn't discussed, and the opportunity to then follow-up really helped deepen our relationship.
I personally found the various lists, checklists, and personality tools helpful as well. Again, some were more insightful than others, but overall, they helped clarify some things that we already knew about one another without having truly discussed those topics.
I'm not a marriage expert by any means--I'm not even married yet!--but this book is, in my opinion, a fantastically thorough, Christian-based, thought-provoking book for couples.
November 19, 2015
You need to get this book Facebook, I hate when I can't add books to Facebook but can find them on goodreads. Although it came out this year I hope it does soon.
March 31, 2025
I wish I had read this before I got married because it is definitely geared towards a couple who are engaged. My husband and I were given this book by friends of ours, but I picked it up about 6 months after we were married.
There is a lot of good advice here, and I will be re-reading chapters again and again, especially those about challenges and connecting with your spouse on emotional and physical levels. I felt like a lot of the scenarios were ones that I could relate to, and I could see myself and my husband in the different characters. It helped me understand my husband's feelings a bit more because I was able to read a similar situation as a third party. I want to sit down and study deeper and also go through the exercises at the end of each chapter with my husband. I started out reading this by myself and now want to do it again together.
Minus one star because there are a few parts of the book that can seem a bit preachy. I think this is a common line that faith-based books find themselves up against, and unfortunately, this one didn't completely negate that feeling. However, it is still a book worth reading because of the tools, exercises, and stories written throughout.
There is a lot of good advice here, and I will be re-reading chapters again and again, especially those about challenges and connecting with your spouse on emotional and physical levels. I felt like a lot of the scenarios were ones that I could relate to, and I could see myself and my husband in the different characters. It helped me understand my husband's feelings a bit more because I was able to read a similar situation as a third party. I want to sit down and study deeper and also go through the exercises at the end of each chapter with my husband. I started out reading this by myself and now want to do it again together.
Minus one star because there are a few parts of the book that can seem a bit preachy. I think this is a common line that faith-based books find themselves up against, and unfortunately, this one didn't completely negate that feeling. However, it is still a book worth reading because of the tools, exercises, and stories written throughout.
September 20, 2020
I wish I had realized before getting this book that all of it revolved around Christianity (and, to be frank, more orthodox versions of Christianity), having a "Godly" marriage, and how you should use the church in your marriage. That's fine and all- but my fiance and I are not religious, so some of the advice in here was not advice I would ever solicit. Therefore, I found myself skimming pages that would then preach to me how I am sinning because I'm living with my partner before marriage, how we need to make prayer a morning/lunch/dinner/nightly process, and how I need to ask God for help when arguing with my spouse.
All that said, I enjoyed some of the book- namely, the activities presented. Each chapter had a minimum of 3 discussion topics for Eric and I (which, since he doesn't like to read, was a great way to engage him in the book topic), a sort of activity to work on the subject proposed, and additional ideas for troubleshooting later on. I've enjoyed these.
Overall, do not recommend- but it was a fine example of premarital workshopping, especially if you want to do so in a very Christian way.
All that said, I enjoyed some of the book- namely, the activities presented. Each chapter had a minimum of 3 discussion topics for Eric and I (which, since he doesn't like to read, was a great way to engage him in the book topic), a sort of activity to work on the subject proposed, and additional ideas for troubleshooting later on. I've enjoyed these.
Overall, do not recommend- but it was a fine example of premarital workshopping, especially if you want to do so in a very Christian way.
August 11, 2019
Rating: 3.5 stars
Review:
I've read a lot of marriage/ relationship books over the past year. Sadly, this one is not one of the ones that stands out to me. I picked this up as a single woman, preparing herself for marriage the most I can before dating and marriage. Where other books focus on the model of marriage, and what will make a successful partnership from dating to marriage, this book definitely focusses on people who are already engaged and ready to take that next and helpful steps to ensuring it goes as smoothly as possible.
Don't get me wrong, there are helpful chapters such as how to manage conflict, managing your expectations of marriage, how to divide up household chores and discuss your money profiles, but overall the book left me feeling devoid of those 'wow' moments that change your perspective and view on things.
I think this will be a more helpful book for me when I am engaged and to use it as a conversation starter with my fiancee about our expectations and plans during marriage.
Review:
I've read a lot of marriage/ relationship books over the past year. Sadly, this one is not one of the ones that stands out to me. I picked this up as a single woman, preparing herself for marriage the most I can before dating and marriage. Where other books focus on the model of marriage, and what will make a successful partnership from dating to marriage, this book definitely focusses on people who are already engaged and ready to take that next and helpful steps to ensuring it goes as smoothly as possible.
Don't get me wrong, there are helpful chapters such as how to manage conflict, managing your expectations of marriage, how to divide up household chores and discuss your money profiles, but overall the book left me feeling devoid of those 'wow' moments that change your perspective and view on things.
I think this will be a more helpful book for me when I am engaged and to use it as a conversation starter with my fiancee about our expectations and plans during marriage.
August 13, 2018
Oh how I wanted to like this book. I really did. Not that there is not some very practical and helpful things within the pages of the book, but any time psychology is brought into a book like this, the book inevitably seems to go off the rails. I dove into this book because my now, son-in-law asked me if I had ever read it, and if so, what I thought about it. He was reading through it as he prepared to marry my daughter and I figured that I should read it too, simply to see what he was being presented in the content of the book. As I note above, there is some very helpful and practical insight that is provided by the variety of authors. Those practical insights can be very helpful for a young engaged couple to read through, as they do cover many critical points that need to be covered in a premarital counseling setting. There are, however, various times throughout the book where the premise of the author's point is based upon psychology and this greatly weakens the book. How I wish someone would write the book and leave the psychobabble out and would use all Scripture accurately. Can this book be helpful for some? I'm confident it can. Could I sell this book or use it in my ministry? I can't.
February 8, 2018
This is an excellent book to read before you get married, maybe even before you get engaged. It is helpful to read and discuss each chapter with your future spouse and also with a pastor, mentor, or trusted friend. Each of the 14 chapters are written by different experts and they cover all the topics you would expect and more. At the end of each chapter are a few discussion questions and an activity to try.
There are some great tools included in the book, such as the lists of potential expectations and the personality test.
There is a lot of wisdom on these pages. I highly recommend it for all couples before marriage.
There are some great tools included in the book, such as the lists of potential expectations and the personality test.
There is a lot of wisdom on these pages. I highly recommend it for all couples before marriage.
March 19, 2019
Exceptional book! I read this book on my own, and now my husband and I are reading it together. I will gift it to all of my newlywed friends! I love their straight forward advice. Funny thing, I got this book as an engagement gift in 2015 and didn't read it until after we'd been married for 3 years! I almost think it was better that I read this as a newlywed because the advice was more practical for a newlywed couple. My favorite chapters were the ones that discussed how to deal with conflict and how to become "one" with one another. Conflict between a couple and how to handle conflict from external sources is an essential skill to learn for marriage. Thanks Greg Smalley!
May 18, 2025
Great read! I’ve been in search for a good read to use for couples who are approaching me for marriage counseling. I have bounced from different materials— but I liked this book! I still need to see how the workbooks play into it all! Though.
Working through books like this always strengthen my marriage. A lot of them are the same principles repackaged.. but always a good reminder.
As I heard at a marriage conference recently… “you are either working on your marriage or working on your divorce”.
May I always be working my marriage daily- to live my wife as Christ loves the church!
Working through books like this always strengthen my marriage. A lot of them are the same principles repackaged.. but always a good reminder.
As I heard at a marriage conference recently… “you are either working on your marriage or working on your divorce”.
May I always be working my marriage daily- to live my wife as Christ loves the church!
June 8, 2025
I am disappointed that I could not rate this book less than 1 star. It should be given negative stars. This book is what you get when a bunch of gospel-illiterate cultural Christians try to profit of pre-marital counseling as if they actually had wisdom to share. This book is entirely negative with nothing encouraging to it, much less not encouraging you in the gospel. I had a book burning party for this book & I recommend you do the same.
August 3, 2024
When I first saw the Focus on the Family sticker on the book, I won’t lie I was a little worried. However, I found myself pleasantly surprised. I’m getting married in less than a month and I found this book filled with solid advice. Most importantly, it started good conversations with my fiancée and I.
June 2, 2025
I got this as a gift when my (now) husband and I got engaged, and now I buy this book for my Christian friends who get engaged. A good mix of practicality and theology. Very solid teaching in my opinion
August 31, 2021
Good book and video series to go through as an engaged couple!
February 23, 2022
Great book with foundational information for a marriage.
July 2, 2024
Variety of authors share helpful advice on marriage focusing on communication. Very practical.
October 16, 2024
This has been an amazing resource while I am preparing for my own upcoming wedding.
November 27, 2022
We have used several different resources when counseling engaged couples over the years and I think this one is really worthy of continuing to use. Each chapter is written by a different “expert” in the field of essential topics to talk through before marriage. While it has provided wonderful discussions with our engaged couple, it has been good to revisit these topics 30 plus years in as well.
May 11, 2020
Revisiting this book. Really good foundation for starting a marriage.
May 30, 2015
In Ready to Wed, Focus on the Family has put together a collection of authors sharing in vast details about what they have learned throughout their marriage. The main authors and editors are Dr. Greg and Erin Smalley. The other authors are Tedd Cunningham, Scott Stanley, Gary Smalley, Joe White, Juli Slattery, Joshua Straub, John Trent, Bill and Pam Farrel, Susan and Dale Mathis, Scott and Bethany Palmer, and Tim Popadic. The book is divided into two sections and each chapter is written by different authors.
Dr. Greg and Erin Smalley began the book by sharing how God described marriage in the Bible. God declared that it isn’t good for man to be alone. We are instructed that a man must leave his father and mother and be one flesh with his wife and cleave to his wife. They also revealed some of the top reason people get married. Some of these are: “to marry their soul mate, get their emotional needs met, raise kids and have a family, fulfill sexual needs and desires, financial security”, and much more. It’s critical that we marry for the precise reasons and build a solid marriage.
One of my favorite chapters was, “Honoring You All the Days of My Life” by Gary Smalley. This book discussed the power of honoring our spouse and how husbands are instructed to love their wife like himself and cherish her (Ephesians 5:33). I especially loved how Gary revealed that he wrote a list about everything he cherished about his wife and when he was frustrated or mad at his wife he would pull out his list to remind himself of everything he loved about his wife. He also included a helpful list to help readers begin their on cherished list. Another helpful benefit in this chapter was a nourished list that included a list from both genders explaining how they feel loved by their spouse.
I would recommend this life changing book to anyone who is engaged or married and they are seeking to build a solid marriage with Jesus at the center. I immensely liked how the book had so many different authors who are expects in their field and they have massive knowledge about marriage. Even though I’m single and not married, this book is one I will reread with my future spouse and I believe it will impact our marriage and help build it on a solid foundation with Jesus being at the center. I really enjoyed Bill and Pam Farrel chapters about expectation in marriage and this taught me that everyone has huge expectations when it comes to what their spouse is supposed to do for them. It has caused to wonder what my expectations are and how to not hold my future bride to a too high of a standard. If you’re looking for an excellent book about marriage, then read this one!
“Tyndale House Publishers has provided me with a complimentary copy of this book.”
Dr. Greg and Erin Smalley began the book by sharing how God described marriage in the Bible. God declared that it isn’t good for man to be alone. We are instructed that a man must leave his father and mother and be one flesh with his wife and cleave to his wife. They also revealed some of the top reason people get married. Some of these are: “to marry their soul mate, get their emotional needs met, raise kids and have a family, fulfill sexual needs and desires, financial security”, and much more. It’s critical that we marry for the precise reasons and build a solid marriage.
One of my favorite chapters was, “Honoring You All the Days of My Life” by Gary Smalley. This book discussed the power of honoring our spouse and how husbands are instructed to love their wife like himself and cherish her (Ephesians 5:33). I especially loved how Gary revealed that he wrote a list about everything he cherished about his wife and when he was frustrated or mad at his wife he would pull out his list to remind himself of everything he loved about his wife. He also included a helpful list to help readers begin their on cherished list. Another helpful benefit in this chapter was a nourished list that included a list from both genders explaining how they feel loved by their spouse.
I would recommend this life changing book to anyone who is engaged or married and they are seeking to build a solid marriage with Jesus at the center. I immensely liked how the book had so many different authors who are expects in their field and they have massive knowledge about marriage. Even though I’m single and not married, this book is one I will reread with my future spouse and I believe it will impact our marriage and help build it on a solid foundation with Jesus being at the center. I really enjoyed Bill and Pam Farrel chapters about expectation in marriage and this taught me that everyone has huge expectations when it comes to what their spouse is supposed to do for them. It has caused to wonder what my expectations are and how to not hold my future bride to a too high of a standard. If you’re looking for an excellent book about marriage, then read this one!
“Tyndale House Publishers has provided me with a complimentary copy of this book.”
May 22, 2015
You’re engaged, and the checklist for the day of your dreams is a mile long. In the who, what, where, and how of planning, the why can be forgotten.
Ready to Wed provides chapter after chapter of wisdom and insight to provide a solid, Biblical base for marriages! Whether you are engaged, courting, dating, thinking about starting a relationship, or even single with no prospects in sight (such as myself), you will benefit greatly from the sound wisdom in this book! Likewise, married couples would do well to read this book together and analyze their marriage! With a compilation of thoughts from various Christian couples or individuals, Ready to Wed is truly a relationship-changing and thus life-changing book! Each chapter closes with discussion questions which will help you think through the lessons learned in each portion of the book.
I whizzed through this book; it was so practical (even though I am not in a relationship!) and understandable. I highly recommend this book. Of course there are doctrinal differences which I noticed as I read it but can't recall now. And I didn't agree with all views the authors presented but for the most part this book was very helpful and I am looking forward to someday reading it with my own man!
I received this book from the publisher in exchange for my honest review.
Ready to Wed provides chapter after chapter of wisdom and insight to provide a solid, Biblical base for marriages! Whether you are engaged, courting, dating, thinking about starting a relationship, or even single with no prospects in sight (such as myself), you will benefit greatly from the sound wisdom in this book! Likewise, married couples would do well to read this book together and analyze their marriage! With a compilation of thoughts from various Christian couples or individuals, Ready to Wed is truly a relationship-changing and thus life-changing book! Each chapter closes with discussion questions which will help you think through the lessons learned in each portion of the book.
I whizzed through this book; it was so practical (even though I am not in a relationship!) and understandable. I highly recommend this book. Of course there are doctrinal differences which I noticed as I read it but can't recall now. And I didn't agree with all views the authors presented but for the most part this book was very helpful and I am looking forward to someday reading it with my own man!
I received this book from the publisher in exchange for my honest review.
July 21, 2015
This is a very informative, educational book for couples. After reading through it myself, I now plan to share it with my children who are engaged and planning weddings.
While it does have Biblical references and a Christian perspective, it is still beneficial for those who might not be coming at marriage from a religious perspective. It's like having premarital counseling in the comfort of your own home.
The book is divided into two sections: one on preparing for marriage, and one on conflict management. Each chapter is written by a different expert, so that you get a variety of perspectives.
Even though the book is about starting a marriage, I found some tidbits that will be beneficial to my well-established marriage as well.
**I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. All thoughts and opinions are entirely my own.**
While it does have Biblical references and a Christian perspective, it is still beneficial for those who might not be coming at marriage from a religious perspective. It's like having premarital counseling in the comfort of your own home.
The book is divided into two sections: one on preparing for marriage, and one on conflict management. Each chapter is written by a different expert, so that you get a variety of perspectives.
Even though the book is about starting a marriage, I found some tidbits that will be beneficial to my well-established marriage as well.
**I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. All thoughts and opinions are entirely my own.**
July 30, 2016
Very practical & covers a wide variety of things to think about and discuss - including things I hadn't thought of in 5 years of dating! Generated a lot of good conversations. Would definitely recommend to couples.
November 5, 2015
This book is consistent with others I have read on similar topics.
It is aimed at newly engaged couples.
As a single, I did not get much out of it.
It is aimed at newly engaged couples.
As a single, I did not get much out of it.
Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews