My Year Off: Recovering Life After a Stroke

by Robert McCrum

A frank and moving memoir of the stroke that felled the author at his peak of vigor and achievement. On the morning of July 29, 1995, Robert McCrum ― 42 years old, just two weeks newly married, at the top of his profession as one of British publishing's most admired editors, in what he thought was the full bloom of health ― awoke to find himself totally paralyzed on the left side, the victim of a stroke brought on by a massive cerebral hemorrhage. After a nightmarish day struggling to reach a phone, he finally summoned help. In the weeks to come, he would have to face the reality that his life had irrevocably changed and that medical science, maddeningly, could neither pinpoint the cause of the stroke nor offer any guarantee of recovery. What ensued was a battle beset by frustration and depression but equally marked by small victories, the help of dedicated physicians and therapists, and, first and last, the support of his new wife, whose love proved equal to their dismaying circumstances.

My Year Off is an eloquent story of hope, written with the sort of candor and detail that the author believes has been missing in the literature of strokes up to this time. It is as well a grown-up love story of the most realistic ― and hence, inspiring ― kind.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Medicine, Autobiography, Biography, Medical, British Literature

240 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 1998

About the author

Robert McCrum is an associate editor of the Observer. He was born and educated in Cambridge. For nearly 20 years he was editor-in-chief of the publishers Faber & Faber. He is the co-author of The Story of English (1986), and has written six novels. He was the literary editor of the Observer from 1996 to 2008, and has been a regular contributor to the Guardian since 1990

Reviews

[CanadianReader · Rating 2 out of 5]

Newly married Robert McCrum was 42 and alone at home when he suffered a hemorrhagic stroke in 1995. His then-wife, an American journalist, was out of the country for work. He was found, of course, but not immediately, and promptly taken to hospital. His book seeks to detail the experience of the stroke itself, his deficits afterwards, who he was before, and the long, arduous recovery—if not of his former self, at least of a reasonable facsimile.

I read a fair ways into this book, but somehow could not become engaged by it. For me, this was due to the inclusion of so many journal entries from his wife and McCrum himself. Over and over again (as would be perfectly understandable in real life, of course) his wife wrote about her anxiety as to whether recovery was possible for Robert as well as her worry about what this meant for their married life—apparently their union endured for a time, but I didn't read far enough to learn how. (The marriage subsequently faltered, though two daughters were produced before the divorce.)

In any case, I decided not to finish the memoir when the details (the worry, the anxiety, the frustration) just felt too repetitive. Also, the book felt sanitized and not quite honest. The blush of first love was still there and there were repeated (and what felt like forced—of the “thou doth protest too much” variety) professions of carefully worded worry for each other. These insistent statements felt just slightly off and unnatural to me. It was as if both parties already knew the marriage wouldn’t endure and were trying to hide it from each other and themselves.

There is no doubt that a stroke, even one from which a person regains considerable function, places a huge toll on the patient’s family. A businessperson in our community had to retire early to care for a thirty-year-old son who had had a catastrophic stroke and who required heavy-duty care. I’ve also known a number of people, some of them quite young, who have experienced frightening transient ischemic attacks (mini strokes, in which parts of the brain are briefly deprived of blood and oxygen)—real wake-up calls.

I’m sorry that this book wasn’t quite what I thought it was going to be.

[Gretchen Rubin · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very moving account of the author's experience of having a stroke at a relatively young age.

[Persephone · Rating 2 out of 5]

As the mum of a child who is not neurologically typical, the wife of a man who suffered a reasonably serious concussion last year, and the daughter and sister of physiotherapists, I have some interest in the topic of brain injury and neuroplasticity, so when this book was suggested to me, I made an effort to track it down. This was not easy, as it is out of print, and the library copy on which I placed a hold was missing. It took two weeks for the library staff to confirm this and they mysteriously failed to tell me that the large print copy was available, but never mind. I got my mitts on it, read it....and discovered why the book is out of print.

When a stroke wiped out the use of his left side, Robert McCrum was the editor-in-chief of Faber and Faber. As such, he led a very privileged sort of life: he had attended the best schools; he lived in metropolitan London (in Salman Rushdie's house as a matter of fact); he was visited in hospital by numerous important and/or famous friends; and he could afford private therapy. True, his struggle to regain the use of his left leg and later, his left arm was a long and arduous one, hampered by the severe depression that accompanies such a serious "brain insult" as his doctors called it, but in the face of his meandering, intellectual, humourless and (forgive me) rather pompous narrative, it's rather hard to stir up the requisite empathy. Ironically, McCrum found Jean-Dominique Bauby's The Diving Bell and the Butterfly "unmoving" because it was "coldly cerebral".

McCrum and his wife (whose diary entries of this trying time are included and provide some much needed warmth) seem to live in a rather insular world. One of the overwhelming tasks facing McCrum's spouse in the wake of this personal disaster is "leaving money for the cleaner", among other mundane household tasks. While I agree that being saddled with everything to do with running a house is further stress in a stressful time, I think most families of stroke victims would welcome having a cleaner at all. Likewise, McCrum declares that his vacation in Barbados was a vital part of his recovery, "a holiday that for ordinary people would seem like pure junketing". Clearly McCrum hangs out with a different class of ordinary people than I do.

So, kudos to Robert McCrum for triumphing over adversity and for discussing his vulnerabilities frankly, but I have to wonder how many stroke victims could identify with his experiences.

[John · Rating 3 out of 5]

I've decided to give up on this ne partway through. Perhaps unfair, but the author comes across as what out British friends call a "toff" - so, cannot identify with his experience enough to continue.

[Shira]

The description of what Robert went through was so dead on. What has kept me from really enjoying this book is I don't think I liked Robert. I read this book because I was interested in other people's experiences surviving a stroke. One of the things that bothered me was that he never used the word survived, it was always suffered. I'm not talking about the majority of the book when he was angry, but the end of the book. His descriptions were good, like how long and scary the night could be, but I just didn't like him.

[Alex Linschoten · Rating 4 out of 5]

A pretty good summary of a single case, though the author's private healthcare and access to the top doctors and physiotherapists clearly make this a book that doesn't help those without such access.

[Diane Challenor · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book. It's interesting to know the thought processes a person goes through when on a journey. This story is a journey through the author's health crisis, which of course became his wife's journey too. Neither would be the same in the aftermath of the crisis. The feminist in me wondered; if the roles were reversed would Mr McCrumb's wife have received the same level devotion and been allowed the same expectations. We will never know. It's been a long while since I've read a book in a quick succession of reading sessions. It held my interest from beginning to end.

[Carla · Rating 4 out of 5]

It is amazing to me how similar my mental and emotional experience has been to what McCrum describes in the ups and downs of his recovery from the utter frustration of losing control over my own health to the elation of learning to walk again. It is a wonderful memoir to remind you that your own perserverance can go a long way...

[James · Rating 4 out of 5]

Maybe a little dated now, but still worth reading. At times, I wished the narrative meandered a little less, but it's a small thing compared to the unique perspective offered.

Worth reading, especially if you know someone who has had a stroke.

[Elsie87 · Rating 4 out of 5]

"One of the most important recent developments in neurology is the recognition that the brain is rather more plastic (adapatable) in its functions than was once thought. The Victorian images of the brain that we've inherited were derived from railway systems, or the telephone network, and suggested a rigid framework. Nowadays, the emphasis is on the adapatability of the brain to meet particular needs. Damage in one area will result, neurologists believe, in compensatory action elsewhere. According to one Nobel Prize-winning neuroscientist, Gerald Maurice Edelman, 'The brain is a selective system, more like evolution that computation."

"It is, perhaps, not possible to overestimate the significance ofa serious stroke in the life of an average person. It is an event that goes to the core of you and what you are, the You-ness of you. First of all, the event happens in your bain which is, without becoming unduly philosophical, the command centre of the self. Your brain is you: your moods, your skills, your character, your intelligence, your emotions, your self-expression, your self."

Reading list:

Arthur Ancowitz MD:The Stroke Book
Marcus Aurlius: Meditation
Paul Auster: The Intervention of Solitude
Jean-Dominique Bauby: The Diving Bell and The Butterfly
Harold Brodkey: This Wild Darkess, the Story of My Death
Steven L.Dubovsky: Mind Body Deceptions
David Hughes: The Little Book
Dharma Singh Klein: Slow Dance, A Story of Stroke, Love and Disability
Joseph Le Doux: The Emotional Brain
C.S.Lewis: A Grief Observed
Peter Medawar: Memoir of a Thinking Radish
Sherwin B. Nuland: How We Die
Stephen Pinker: How the Mind Works
Ray Porter: The Greater Benefit to Mankind
Elizabeth Kubler Ross: The Wheel of Life / On Death and Dying
Oliver Sachs: The Man Who Mistook His Wife For A Hat / An Anthrolopogist on Mars
Susan Sontag: Illness as Metaphor

[Indaq · Rating 4 out of 5]

Buku ini mengisahkan tentang bagaimana penulis melalui saat genting ketika terkena strok di saat usia masih relatifnya muda, 42 tahun.

Strok secara amnya, ramai beranggapan hanya pada yang berusia berisiko kena. Malangnya, statistik tidak mengatakan begitu.

Pengalaman penulis menanggapi kehidupan selepas strok otak kanan yang menjadikan semua anggota sebelah kiri tidak berfungsi dinukilkan dalam semua bab. Siapakah dia selepas strok? Apakah penulis masih orang yang sama? Perasaan, emosi, spritual malah filosofi hidupnya berubah.

Agak meleret kerana buku ini memang berkisar tentang kisah penulis berjuang dari saat terkena strok sampai mampu pulih seperti sedia kala. Diselitkan juga sedikit tentang buku2 dan komentar literasi yang penulis baca.

Satu kelebihan pada penulis, faktor kewangan dan pekerjaan yang membantu beliau mendapatkan rawatan yang terbaik. Keadaan sosioekonomi yang seimbang yang mana ramai mungkin tidak punya. Kad perubatan itu membantu. Ambillah selagi masih sihat.

[Shiz · Rating 4 out of 5]

Buku ini mengisahkan tentang bagaimana penulis melalui saat genting ketika terkena strok di saat usia masih relatifnya muda, 42 tahun.

Strok secara amnya, ramai beranggapan hanya pada yang berusia berisiko kena. Malangnya, statistik tidak mengatakan begitu.

Pengalaman penulis menanggapi kehidupan selepas strok otak kanan yang menjadikan semua anggota sebelah kiri tidak berfungsi dinukilkan dalam semua bab. Siapakah dia selepas strok? Apakah penulis masih orang yang sama? Perasaan, emosi, spritual malah filosofi hidupnya berubah.

Agak meleret kerana buku ini memang berkisar tentang kisah penulis berjuang dari saat terkena strok sampai mampu pulih seperti sedia kala. Diselitkan juga sedikit tentang buku2 dan komentar literasi yang penulis baca.

Satu kelebihan pada penulis, faktor kewangan dan pekerjaan yang membantu beliau mendapatkan rawatan yang terbaik. Keadaan sosioekonomi yang seimbang yang mana ramai mungkin tidak punya. Kad perubatan itu membantu. Ambillah selagi masih sihat.

[Sally Edsall · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have no experience with stroke, or had to cope with a close relativehaving had a stroke. But I am a voracious reader of biography, and have admired McCrum's other work.

He made me feel what it was like in the early chapters, haiving just had the stroke, and the sheer will power fight for survival.

It got less interesting to me as it proceeded, and I knew (obviously) that he was going to survive and effect a recovery. So there was no tension in that sense. I can understand that it may have a lot to say to people who have been in this situation as victim or carer.

Just on the level of biographical interest it is an average book - hence a 3-star from me.

[Lydia Reid · Rating 2 out of 5]

having witnessed my mum have a stroke I thought this would be a good read. originally published in the late 90's, very well written but that's to be expected from a professional writer. did not appreciate all of the quoting other authors or writers, chapters were long and went off topic a lot. the bits I enjoyed most were the diary entries & his own words

[Karen Z · Rating 2 out of 5]

Something about this book just really annoyed me.

He doesn’t seem to understand his own privileges with the health care he receives and somehow managed to write almost 300 pages of one minor incident…? I don’t know. Tone deaf.

At least make it interesting but it was sooo self involved and wasn’t even interesting to be that self involved

[Karin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting to me as my father suffered a severe stroke aged 48. I was only fifteen and sadly did not fully grasp all that he had to go through.

[Khairunnisaq · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found many interesting quote in here. I really can adapt in my own life. I really enjoying it as some of them was written in a diary format.

[Jack · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author writes particularly well about the emotional effects of a sudden brain injury, conveying the sense of frustration and uncertainty.

[Shruti Bhandari-Kothari · Rating 4 out of 5]

Amazingly inspiring and totally positive right from the beginning

[Christine Busuttil · Rating 3 out of 5]

I bought this on kindle (it was even more expensive in paper )mainly because my sister had a massive stroke recently ,and felt I may be able to learn something from his experiences and gain more understanding of my sisters situation
I did for some of the time ,however particularly at the beginning Robert goes on a lot about his past life as a journalist
This made me feel a little cheated as it wasn't a cheap read to have large chunks about something else to wade through
None the less there doesn't appear to be many books on stroke from a survivors point of view so felt what I did learn was helpful

[Titus Hjelm · Rating 3 out of 5]

Like probably many others, I picked up McCrum's book in the hope of hearing the story of a fellow human who has experienced serious illness at a relatively young age. It's interesting how just hearing how you're not alone takes so much of the burden off--as McCrum himself says. As the reviews say, the storytelling is to the point, with little elaboration. Perhaps I missed the literary greatness of the narration, but I wasn't perhaps paying much attention. What I don't get is how his wife's name is not on the cover. Much of the narrative comes from her diary, after all. Anyway, a powerful and hopeful read.

[Mei · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is hard to imagine that a person can write down his feelings during the strok so authentic and honest. Life becomes so real and sharp when one is forced to stop his connections with the outside world. Living alive is the only goal of his daily life. I quite agree with the three things that he learns from his illness, one is illness is painful for every one especially for those who get AIDs, cancer, heart disease and stroke. The second is that each of us, in some sense, is in the doctor's waiting room. And the third is that we should be grateful to be still alive.

[Bettie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Bettie's Books

[Amanda Stolk · Rating 2 out of 5]

Good "story". Very clinical and aloof considering it was a firsthand account. Worth reading for the learning.

[Danielle · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am always interested in young stroke victim stories.

[Wolfgang · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing story of a publishing editor who experiences a stroke alone in his house, lives to tell about it and shares the tough recovery. Extremely captivating and positive.