Actually, Nevermind

by Taylor Tomlinson

Actually, Nevermind is a collection of sharply funny, deeply honest essays from comedian Taylor Tomlinson, on the art of changing your mind. From once holding black-and-white beliefs shaped by a strict religious upbringing and early grief, to now embracing the glorious mess of nuance, Taylor charts her evolving worldview - both the profound and the ridiculous. With self-deprecating humour and flashes of wisdom, she reflects on everything she used to be certain of (and now isn't), offering a candid take on growing up, staying flexible, and giving yourself permission to rethink everything. In a world full of noise, this book is a warm, witty balm for anyone trying to figure it out... again.

A 'fearless' (NPR) comedian who 'makes even the heaviest subjects seem spikily funny' (Jason Zinoman, The New York Times), Tomlinson brings her natural storytelling gifts and incisive wit to the page in this hilarious debut.

Genres: Nonfiction, Audiobook, Memoir, Humor, Essays, Biography, Comedy

Audible Audio

Published September 22, 2026

About the author

A rare talent who has garnered mass appeal at a young age, stand-up comedian Taylor Tomlinson continues to receive praise from fans and critics alike, with ROLLING STONE commending her for “conquering comedy” and CNN welcoming “the era of Taylor Tomlinson.” Tomlinson was recently inducted into FORBES 30 Under 30 and TIME100 Next, spotlighted by VARIETY for their “10 Comics to Watch” and “Comedy Impact Report,” in addition to being named one of the “100 Most Powerful Women in Hollywood” by THE HOLLYWOOD REPORTER. The critically acclaimed comedian is coming off headlining the seventh highest-grossing comedy tour of 2023, most notably the only woman to break into the Top 10. She has released four hour-long specials for NETFLIX: QUARTER-LIFE CRISIS (2020), LOOK AT YOU (2022), HAVE IT ALL (2024), and PRODIGAL DAUGHTER (2026).

Reviews

[Tiffany ✨️ Bergamot Book Reviews]

4.5 rounded up

Thank you to Simon & Schuster Audio and Libro Fm for the complementary advanced listener copy. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

I love Taylor's comedic work, and have followed her for yeaaaaaars. She's funny, dry, and had a quick wit that kept me coming back for more. Seeing her grow from a woman whose religious upbringing held her in a cage, to an out and proud queer woman had me SO excited to pick this one up and learn more about her. I went in fully blind, not really knowing what to expect from this and was pleasantly surprised.

This wasn't just comedy (although there were some hot takes with absolute banger quotes that had me laughing, emotional or feeling inspired by her candor), but it was also her life story, trauma, familial closeness, eldest daughter musings, self discovery, mental health care advocation, advice about how to be a comedian - all of it. She expertly balances between telling her own point of view, dry quips about her struggles with mental health and balancing relationships, while also doling out how to help others avoid her mistakes and accept themselves for their missteps. It's self-reflection and support all wrapped up in one.

She addresses sexism, toxic behaviour (her own included), queer identity, familial trauma, anxiety, depression, societal misogyny and yet still wraps it up in a way that feels light, while also poignant. She's self aware to the point of being too hard on herself, and yet there's awareness and humble openness that makes this feel like a conversation with a friend who wants the best for you. It's genuinely beautiful, and covers so many topics in such a short timespan, yet flows effortlessly.

I also love that Taylor narrates her own audiobook. I loved hearing her candor and delivering her own lines, life stories, and love for those around her in her own authentic voice. It made a huge impact, and I genuinely hope as she grows and changes more in her life, that she chooses to write and narrate more books about her self discovery.

All in all, this was a fantastic read, and fans of hers will absolutely love it!

[Oxana]

I love Taylor Tomlinson as a comedian. She is amazing at what she does, so I really wanted to love this book, too.
Unfortunately, I didn’t quite fall in love with it, and I honestly can’t put my finger on one specific reason why.

I did enjoy getting to know Taylor a little better and learning more about her life and how she sees things. But I felt like there wasn’t quite enough substance around the actual premise of the book — all the things she has changed her mind about throughout her life. A lot of it felt somewhat superficial.

I completely understand not wanting to go too deep or expose parts of your life for the entire world to read, analyze, and dissect. But because of that, I almost wonder if this would have worked better as more of an autobiography, where the focus could simply be on her experiences and perspective rather than on the idea of changing her mind.

[Alina]

Love this one so much!

I really enjoy Taylor’s humour and her way of expressing herself. She really knows how to tell stories and make them palatable even if they’re heavy at times.

So grateful she shared so many personal stories and her learnings with us 💛

[Scratch]

It's a double-edged sword that if you watched her stand-up specials, you already know you like Taylor Tomlinson. Because there is very little in this book that wasn't already addressed in her stand-up specials.

Going into this, I already knew that she grew up in a very conservative, Evangelical Christian home. I knew that all her siblings were queer, and she herself came out as bisexual fairly late in life. I knew that she was previously engaged to a man but it got called off. I know that she lost her virginity as an adult. I know that she at some point used marijuana to help her sleep. I knew that her mother had died when Taylor was pretty young, and she had a stepmother. I knew that she had a complicated relationship with her father. I knew that she was single, for the most part, after her Netflix specials came out. I knew that she had been given a bipolar disorder diagnosis.

What did I actually learn from this book? I guess I learned that she had very poor physical health during the whole time she did the "After Midnight" show. This was probably due to exposure to mold. I already knew that she had submitted a list of names of comedians who could have taken over the show for her, but instead the show got cancelled altogether when she quit. Actually, she was far more defensive about that in this book than I would have expected. From my point of view, it was a matter of, "Oh my God! There's more Taylor Tomlinson content with this After Midnight show! Damn, I need to find time to watch that." Video clips would pop up on my newsfeed, but I never actually tried to watch an entire episode. And then, before I knew it, the show was over.

I suppose this book taught me that she had more regret about the broken engagement than I thought. She even described meeting with her ex-fiancé two years after the special came out, and it became clear that they don't hate each other.

I suppose it's new information that Taylor now not only is out as a bisexual, but she actually prefers the idea of ending up with a woman, now.

I already knew that she used to make her mind completely blank before she would masturbate. But, I guess it was new information that she had tried mushrooms? Really, that was one of the details I liked least about this book. Many comedians feel the need to write about their drug use in memoirs, and it's so rarely with the properly respectful and regretful tone that I want to hear. She spoke proudly of how diligent she was about setting up her experience trying mushrooms, with an experienced friend and in close proximity to a bathroom. She was also proud of the handful of times she has gotten drunk, reporting on how happy she was.

I don't want to hear about your "substances," as you cavalierly referred to them. I liked how you used to be more like me, and deathly afraid of alcohol. Why do you have to ruin it? You're making me feel more alone now.

[Devyn Miller]

4.25 🌟! Wonderful and i loved that she integrated, well, humor, into her story, while also detailing the less picture-perfect moments in her life

[Kennedy Elise Edwards]

A modern Jo March. Witty, relatable, and -flinchingly- honest. If you like the specials, you’ll like this. As a woman in my 20’s, this was a right-place-right-time listen for me. I think I might buy the book so I can highlight where I’m feeling things. Tomlinson hopes her book finds aspiring comedians, but her perspective translates to anyone trying to pave their own way in a beautiful and traumatizing world.

[Nikki | Nikkimariereads]

Actually, Nevermind by Taylor Tomlinson
Release Date: 9/22/26
Format: audio (thank you Libro.fm!)
Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

“This book is not about my mother, but she is the most important character because I can’t write about myself without writing about her. Who she was, who she might have been, and the stinging lack of her that I have lived with for the last 24 years. My entire life has been a reaction to her death. Every opinion I have, every decision I have made, and every version of myself that I have been can be traced back to this one gargantuan loss. It rocked me.”

I don’t usually start a review with such a long quote, but I listened back to the end of this section of Actually, Nevermind three times when I was reading. The grief of losing a mom is both chronic and acute and I felt this message in my bones.

Tomlinson’s writing in this book is so thoughtful and concise, and dripping with her trademark sense of humor. I’m not surprised since I’ve been a fan for a while and her stand up specials showcase how talented her writing is. However, it felt like such a treat to get this much content all at once!

Tomlinson touches on so many relatable topics in this collection of essays…being freakishly close with your siblings, losing your mom too young, being raised in a toxically religious household, being queer, mental health issues….all of the things. I laughed, cried, and personally felt so seen and validated reading this book.

Even if you don’t relate with this laundry list of trauma that Taylor and I apparently share, this book is still a must read. It was so fucking good and hilarious and genuine.

Huge thank you to Libro.fm for the advanced audiobook in exchange for my honest thoughts!! Will definitely be in my top releases of 2026!

[Patricia Q]

You are beautiful Taylor.

[Shawna]

Love you TT ♡

Although unexpected, it was nice getting to know the author in a more serious sense, as an all-encompassing human in contrast to the comedian we see on stage.

Fave quotes:

“I was trying to become not who I was, but who I was supposed to be. Someone wise and mature. Fully fledged and finally worthy. But true wisdom is accepting how little you know.”

“Men are like guns. It’s scary having one in the house, but it’s good to know how to use one, in case you’re ever in a bind.”

“I do have some deal breakers that have stayed fairly consistent. Anyone who expects you to plan something elaborate to celebrate their birthday, it’s a pass for me. Thinking your birthday is a big deal is insane. Birthdays are for drunks and children. When somebody asks, ‘What do you wanna do for your birthday?’ I’m always like, ‘I don’t know, work? And if I can’t work, just like disappear I guess? Sit in a dark room with existential dread and wait for it to be over?’ Birthdays are like sex. It’s never as good as you want it to be, and entitled white women think it should always be special.”

“Liars are written off immediately. The second I catch you lying about small inconsequential things, I’m out. ‘It was just a little white lie! I would never lie about anything important!’ BULL. SHIT. Good liars lie about little things to stay sharp. Little white lies are like dumbbells for them. They’re building muscle so they can lift the big betrayal later.”

“I learned to chase friendship, instead of just waiting for it to fall into my lap. Meeting people you click with does not happen every day. We complain about dating like deep connection should come more easily, but we only make a new long-term friend once every.. three years at best? I do not have real chemistry with many people. Not because I’m a misanthrope or anything, I just don’t know how to fake it. I can’t force it. I’m lucky if I can find it. And if I do, I’m intense about it.“

"How can I be more confident? As a deeply insecure person, the only thing that really helps me snap out of it is boredom. I simply get tired of my own bullshit. Whenever I have an intrusive, negative thought about myself I just think, This is so boring. You feel weird about your body? That's so boring. You think you're ugly? Who cares. You're afraid you're not talented? Fucking yawn. Hating yourself is unoriginal. I'd rather be ugly and interesting. Look at yourself with curiosity instead of judgment. I need larger pants. Interesting. I got dumped. Tell me more. I overslept. Huh, weird. I'm burnt out. Okay, let's chill for a minute. No big deal. You're not a robot, you're a human being, a flesh-and-blood character running around this world without a map. You are allowed to ebb and flow. You are allowed to become different versions of yourself, to experience different seasons. Instead of asking, ‘Why aren't I better?’, say, ‘I cannot wait to see what happens next!’ There are no disappointments, only plot twists. Stop focusing so much on self-improvement. You are a person, not a recipe that needs perfecting."

“I do think it’d be easier to take time off if I had a family to tend to. For you I will slow down, I promise my imaginary future children in my head. It’s tough to get your priorities straight when you don’t have kids. Turning down jobs to take care of your children? A hero. Turning down jobs to take care of yourself? You’re an ungrateful bitch who doesn’t deserve what she has.”

“What’s that quote? You can’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm? Some days this comforts me. Other days I think, you should’ve gone up in flames, you selfish bitch.”

“I want to be happy. Not important or special, just happy.”

[Sage]

I’ve been a fan of Taylor for years, and I’m so thrilled to have gotten to read this review copy. I kind of want to listen to the audiobook, but I could practically hear her in my head!! She reflects on her dead mother (I had feelings for a lot of reasons, but my dead friend’s baby turns a year old tomorrow and will grow up without her mother and !!!!!) and her religious background and mental wellbeing and friendships and finding your people and being happy and confident (advice section at the end!). The book was kind of a blur but in a great way, and I really enjoyed it.

Quotes that stood out to me:

✨ (Dedication!!!)✨

I'm not a bit changed—not really. I'm only just pruned down and branched out. The real me—back here—is just the same.—Anne Shirley, from Anne of Green Gables by Lucy Maud Montgomery

When we mourn our losses we also mourn, for better or for worse, ourselves. As we were. As we are no longer. As we will one day not be at all.—Joan Didion, The Year of Magical Thinking

Hey, I thought you'd gotten over that. It's been, what? Two months?—Lilly Moscovitz on the death of Mia Thermopolis’s dad in The Princess Diaries.

✨ What Will Never Change✨

“Your favorite movie is never set in stone, you can never be totally sure what your favorite color is, but this one gruesome fact about you is so important, so permanent-it's almost comforting. You are motherless. This, at least, will never change.”

Swap it out for BROTHER and goddamn @ this gut punch.

✨Obsessive-compulsive Christianity✨

“Not everyone will meet your agnosticism with condescension and dismissal. My deeply religious friends don't demonize my sexual preferences and, in turn, I try not to say "goddamn" around them, out of respect. (Imagine if every time someone stubbed their toe they shouted, "Fuck your dad!")”

I CACKLED (she’s right though, I do the same around people that I know are more religious/practicing than I am! Also I can practically HEAR her in my head!!!!)

✨ Sister Sitter Parent Problem✨

“When it does, it's as if three butterflies have landed on my arm. I go very still and try not to startle them. Stay, I think desperately. Stay stay stay. Don't you see? This is a memory.”

Something about THIS just hit me right in my heart. I wish I could have had this thought right before my brother died, that this was the last time my siblings and I would all be together. I love this (and hate it).

✨ Interesting Brain Syndrome✨

“Your sadness is trying to set a long meeting with you, and the only thing you can do is keep putting it off. Send your secretary to tell her your calendar is full. I'm so sorry, I can't sink into despondency today, I'm afraid I have a lunch. Eventually, though, she will corner you in the parking lot.”

WOOF ain’t that the truth!!!!

“I complained about being in my twenties every second I spent in them. Now it feels like a dream I had, a life that happened to someone entirely different. Younger me is scared of my present-day loneliness, but in awe of my stability. I am jealous of her wild moods, but terrified for her soul. I want to go back and help her. Sometimes I just want to go back.”

RETWEET!!!!!!! The me in my 20s feels like a different person, a different life, living it up in NYC, and now I’m like…..I leave the house once a week for groceries sometimes 🤠🤪😇

✨ Not a Model✨

“The craziest thing about aging as a woman is you actually like yourself more. You feel more confident, more self-assured, more comfortable in your own skin, while the world looks at you as though your value has gone down. It's a strange sort of dysmorphia. You start looking at photos of younger you like, Oh my god, I was so cute! What the fuck was my problem? I wasted so much time! The thought of hating your body for another ten years just to have this realization again at forty or fifty or sixty makes you sick to your stomach.”

✨ I’m Gay Now✨

“Eventually, I realized the doubting voice existed only in my head. Nobody was judging me. Nobody was telling me my feelings weren't real. It was all me, anticipating the worst and arguing with people who weren't there, I was playing racquetball with my insecurities.”

✨ I Am Here to Make Friends

“As everyone became less available, I realized I needed a longer list of people to call-more friends with less to give. For the most part, I'm okay with this. But I'd be lying if I said it doesn't sting sometimes. I plan girls' trips because I'll always come second to everyone's husband, and if the apocalypse does hit, I'd love it if we were together.”

✨ Can I Give You Some Advice?✨

“How can I be more confident? As a deeply insecure person, the only thing that really helps me snap out of it is boredom. I simply get tired of my own bullshit. Whenever I have an intrusive, negative thought about myself I just think, This is so boring. You feel weird about your body? That's so boring. You think you're ugly? Who cares. You're afraid you're not talented? Fucking yawn. Hating yourself is unoriginal. I'd rather be ugly and interesting.Look at yourself with curiosity instead of judgment. I need larger pants. Interesting. I got dumped. Tell me more. I overslept. Huh, weird. I'm burnt out. Okay, let's chill for a minute. No big deal. You're not a robot, you're a human being, a flesh-and-blood character running around this world without a map. You are allowed to ebb and flow. You are allowed to become different versions of yourself, to experience different seasons. Instead of asking, "Why aren't I better?," say, "I cannot wait to see what happens next." There are no disappointments, only plot twists. Stop focusing so much on self-improvement. You are a person, not a recipe that needs perfecting.“

✨Dying Alone✨

“Historically, when I've said I "don't want to die alone," what I meant was what most people mean when they parrot this phrase: I want to find love and I'm afraid I never will. What they're really saying is "I don't want to die single." But in recent years, I have come to the conclusion that I would, in fact, be okay perishing without a partner. When I say I am afraid to die alone, I mean it literally. I just don't want to die by myself.”

[Caitlyn Vazquez]

I think what I liked best about this book is that she showed us she’s not just a funny comedian but she’s also a deeper person with opinions and points of view and good advice from the life she’s experienced.

[Sid-knee]

Taylor, can this be my formal application to be best friends?! Your mind works very similarly to mine and I was hooting & hollering as I listened to this. Obviously not at the dead mom parts, those just got a light chuckle. The religious unpacking & self exploration was very on par to my life rn. I appreciated your insight and humor around challenging topics. Anyways, loved this!! Thank you for your honesty!

[Aliya]

Liked it!
The level of details in the stories, relatability of feelings, occasional humor, but mostly honest & raw POV as a woman, daughter, elder sister, friend, single person, ex, formerly religious, foodie, person with an interesting brain syndrome (mental illness), one learning to get more casual rest, and, finally, comedian.
Also, def listen to the audiobook version, Taylor's timing and storytelling makes these so much more personal.

let me leave this here:
"The craziest thing about aging as a woman is you actually like yourself more. You feel more confident, more self-assured, more comfortable in your own skin, while the world looks at you as though your value has gone down. It's a strange sort of dysmorphia. You start looking at photos of younger you like, Oh my god, I was so cute! What the fuck was my problem? I wasted so much time! The thought of hating your body for another ten years just to have this realization again at forty or fifty or sixty makes you sick to your stomach.”

[Liz]

4.5 stars, rounded up. This was much more heartfelt than I expected from a comedian's memoir. It was still very funny, but I feel like I understand the person that is Taylor Tomlinson in a way I didn't expect to. I especially loved the chapter about her siblings and the pressures she felt as an oldest child, and also I thought she navigated talking about her complicated relationship with her dad with grace and tact. I really, really enjoyed it.

[Chiara]

She partly recycled her stage material in these essays, so some lines I could already fully recite from her specials. But in my humble opinion, you can never consume too much Taylor Tomlinson material.

„They say depression hates a moving target, but mine has incredible aim and loves a challenge.“

[Hannah Ciepluch]

First half was 4-5 stars, second half was 3-3.5 stars. I loved the honesty and personal storytelling in the first half, and I found the second half seeming more like lists or magazine articles. I do think the book is excellent written in her voice and has many deep and insightful bits. I highlighted so many profound and funny lines.

[Annie M.]

🎧

[Camila Crowley]

I knew going into this book that I would enjoy it because Taylor is one of my favorite comedians, but I did not expect to feel so aggressively seen. I really enjoyed the audiobook because hearing the jokes in her voice made it that much funnier, but I also wish I had a physical copy so I could have highlighted and annotated so many lines that made me think “omg exactly, me too!” As a brand new 30 year old, former-catholic-turned-atheist, with a fresh new diagnosis of anxiety that made a lot of people around me go “no yeah that totally makes sense,” and having recently underwent a tumultuous past year with lots of difficult family issues, almost every chapter felt like something I had thought myself. Literally the line from the book: “everything has already been done I’m not trying to say things no one has said before, I’m just trying to say it differently. I want to say what you have already thought but couldnt find the words for” was exactly how I would describe this book for me. From the funnier lines like “Because my childhood was what it was, and my mental health is what it is, I think about death a lot” and “things dont just happen. They have to be someone’s fault and because I didn’t believe in god anymore it was all on me…it’s important to be your own advocate, gods not listening, its important to stay scared” to the entire chapter on advice at the end, I want to thank Taylor for inspiring me and making me feel seen! Taylor, I would like to be your friend and die old in a nursing home together with other cool wise friends!!

[Randi]

These essays are incredibly well written, and I especially loved the way she ended so many of them! Like, please write me a fiction novel asap, Taylor. I did, however, find them very sad still, and they paint her as the messy, imperfect person that she is (we all are), despite fame. Overall, really glad I read it. It's not funny, quite serious, actually, which I didn't expect, but I think it was an excellent read regardless.

[pn]

I LOVE Taylor Tomlinson’s comedy, and while this book isn’t all that funny, it embodies a lot of what makes her great: relatability, empathy and honesty. I was really resonating with it for the first two thirds and it really loses steam in the last chunk. Nonetheless, writing a bunch of essays inside a central theme is HARD, even if I didn’t realize there was a theme until I read the description.

A fun thing to listen to on my long drive yesterday.

[Jamie Enes]

She jokes about the "wise beyond your years" label but it's so deserved in her case. Observational, hilarious, uncomfortably familiar in the best way, Taylor Tomlinson has such a sincere and honest approach in her writing you can't help but feel connected to her. I devour stand up comic memoirs, and this one is an absolute standout.

[Chafic (Rello)]

As a comedian, I love Taylor Tomlinson. She's amazing at what she does, and was looking forward to seeing what essays she's decided to write about.
If you're already familiar with her stand up specials, you're in for a treat.
I wouldn't go as for to say that I loved it, but I did enjoy it - and as always, it's nice to have some humor in a less-than-ideal situation.

[Mariethethird]

Taylor Tomlinson is one of the best at what she does, so if you're going to read this I highly suggest that you do it on audio. Nothing is better than a comedian reading their own book!

I love the title, because the book in it's entirety feels like a thought you wanted to say, but then instead said "actually, nevermind" but there's some good musings in the stuff you don't bother to say. And that's what this book is, a book of musings, with some stories from different parts in her life. Not really a memoir, but a really fun time.

[Laisea (grayscalebooks)]

If you like Taylor’s comedy, you’ll like this too! I’ve read too many great memoirs to rate this higher but it was witty and enjoyable and in the less funny moments I appreciated her candour and self awareness (therapy works I guess?!) 🤣

[Krista Shilvock]

I love her as a comedian, and I loved listening to this audiobook. It has all of her signature humor and wit, with surprisingly levels of vulnerability and insight into parts of my own life I didn’t realize needed to be described. Definitely a great read while traveling and painting and crafting.

[Anna Knight]

Audiobook for the win 😁

[Shaina]

Yup. She’s just that good. And funny. And real. And human. And I’m so glad she wrote this book now. I can’t wait to see what she creates next.

[Cindi]

I've read/listened to a lot of really good books and audiobooks this year and this is one of my favorites.

She covers a wide variety of topics in a charmingly funny, approachable way.

I'm so glad they labeled this book as a collection of essays instead of a memoir because readers are far too sensitive about that label for younger authors.

[Victoria Summers]

I feel the same way I do about her standup, never wanting it to end. I first saw her in 2021 and have loved her ever since. This is relatable and perfect, no notes.

[Steph Carr (LiteraryHypeWoman)]

It didn't meet my expectations, and I'm not sure why. Maybe I expected it to be funnier, but it just felt fine in comparison to other celebrity memoirs I've read. Not one that will stick with me, unfortunately.