This is a guide for new mothers who wish to continue breastfeeding and, therefore, must pump after returning to work.
I read this book because I wanted to feel a little solidarity, and I was curious if there were any tips or tricks I hadn't heard before even though this was not my first rodeo. I did find out a few new things. I learned that one is not supposed to shake breastmilk or combine milk at two different temperatures. I have always shaken bottles to mix the separated milk and just dumped freshly pumped milk into containers already in the fridge without chilling it first. Now I am more hesitant to do both of these things although I would like to report that the milk never, noticeably, spoiled.
Most breastfeeding books barely mention pumping, so it is a novelty that is this book's exclusive focus. This book also assumes that the reader, as a nursing mother, will return to work on a regular basis while most breastfeeding guides assume that the reader will not be working while nursing. As the only First World country without a federally mandated maternity leave, most women who are breastfeeding will have to return to work 6 to 12 weeks after giving birth. As HR at my job told me "after 6 weeks you are no longer physically unable to work" -- spoken just like someone who has never given birth or been the primary caregiver of a newborn/infant. This book is here to guide you through the rough transition back to work. Its greatest flaw, however, is that it is aimed at predominantly white collar workers. Some of the advice will generalize to us lower level peons, and some will not. Most of the anecdotes are from professionals, and it would have been nice to include the occasional lower level worker such as a supermarket cashier, waitress, library clerk, or sales associate.
The book is divided into four sections:
*Section 1: Getting Ready for the Insanity
*Section 2: Your Boobs at Work
*Section 3: Road Trip!
*Section 4: Oh Sh*t: What to Do When Things Go Wrong
Section 1
Section 1 is the most helpful. It starts with basics of supply and demand. Then it discusses how to choose a breast pump. "When they talk about pumps, they talk about single, manual pumps vs. double, electric pumps as if these are all equally usable choices for a working mother. Please let me clear all of this up for you: If you are going back to work, you need a double electric pump" (page 25). Then it explains the different pump parts and includes a packing list for pumping at work. Because the author has high socioeconomic status, she recommends buying a manual pump to have on hand for emergencies as well as spare pump pieces to keep at work and even suggests buying a second pump just to leave at work. This is bit more feasible now that insurance is required to cover a basic double electric pump, but not everyone can drop several hundred dollars on a spare pump and spare pieces especially after paying thousands of dollars in deductibles and out-of-pocket expenses for the birth.
This section features Pumping School, which will school the reader in pumping. It discusses introducing bottles, so that a babies will even accept a bottle. It covers how to store, freeze, and thaw breast milk (page 46) as well as how to properly train all caregivers to do these things. As a cautionary tale about what might happen if caregivers aren't properly trained, one poor woman's husband took all 15 bags of frozen milk out of the freezer, thawed them all at once, and then threw them all away when one of the bags leaked. I am willing to bet that they are now divorced.
The guidelines for how long milk is good are on pages 47 to 48. Cliff Notes: milk at room temperature is safe for 4 to 8 hours, milk in the fridge is good for 72 hours to 7 days, milk in the freezer is good for 3 to 6 months, milk in the deep freeze is good for 1 year, and thawed frozen milk in the fridge is good for 1 to 3 days. If you can stomach the idea, taste fresh milk, so you know what good milk tastes like in case you're ever attempting to determine whether or not a container of breast milk has spoiled.
Exclusive breastfeeders may not have the slightest idea how much milk their babies take at each feeding, so the guidelines for intake by age are on pages 50 to 51.
This section also explains breastfeeding rights at work. I didn't care for the sheer amount of bootlicking to HR that the author suggests in order to be allowed to pump at work. Yes, there is no across the board legal protection for breastfeeding mothers needing to pump at work. However, any organization large enough to have an HR department will fall under the federal law requiring employers to "give 'reasonable break time for an employee to express breastmilk for one year after the children's birth each time such employee has need to express the milk' and to provide 'a place, other than a bathroom, that is shielded from view and free from intrusion from coworkers and the public, which may be used by an employee to express breastmilk'" (page 59).
All of the groveling makes it seem like lactating mothers are asking for a special privilege and not to exercise a right. Sometimes employers will not accommodate you unless you demand rather than ask. So, if breastfeeding is really important to you, you need to be battle ready. Don't hem and haw, apologize, and say things like "If it's not too much trouble ...". You are undermining yourself and your cause. You are also setting a bad precedent for all the pumping mothers in your organization who will come after you.
Section 2
Section 2 is the down and dirty about pumping at work. It includes instructions on many work-related things such as how to talk to your boss about things directly related to your breasts. Back to the bootlicking and making a big show of gratitude, the author spends a lot of time discussing how to create a usable plan (chapter 8, pages 75 to 95) to be allowed to pump at work. See my previous comments about needlessly groveling.
Chapter 9 covers time, privacy, and awkward coworkers (pages 96 to 107). There are a lot of tips and painful anecdotes. The author defines four types of coworkers: the resentful one, the inappropriate comment-maker, the "I'd rather not know" guy, and the best thing that has happened since you went back to work. Basically, some people will help you, some people will actively try to hinder you, and some people will do neither.
Interestingly, she didn't mention older women who were forced to use manual pumps in bathroom stalls if they wanted to pump at work in the resentful category. From my own experience, these women were worse than the men who think maternity leave is "vacation" and time and space in which to pump is a special privilege probably because they should logically be an ally for breastfeeding working mothers. But instead of being happy that things have improved for the younger generation, some women are resentful and angry that current nursing mothers don't have to suffer the same indignities that they did. This caught me off guard, so I'm giving you a heads-up.
Like being visible pregnant, pumping at work often gives people -- both men and women -- license to say things to you that will technically cross the line into sexual harassment. Choose your battles carefully. The best advice for inappropriate comments is to turn the other cheek as hard as that may be. As the author says, "Meeting these things with anger doesn't always serve your goal of getting your job done and getting home to see your kid" (page 107). Remember, "Responding in anger doesn't always make you look or feel good; getting the job done usually does" (page 143). This is really really hard, but it's good advice.
If you're unable to ignore it or for anything particularly egregious, your best course of action is to document the incident and then privately report it to your supervisor or HR. Be prepared, however, that you may be reprimanded for not being able to "take a joke" or being "overly sensitive" especially if you raised your voice at your coworker in response to the inappropriate remark(s). Although the Weinstein fallout and #MeToo campaign might now force admin and HR take such complaints more seriously, as far as my own experience goes, I was told that I shouldn't have "snapped" at my coworker because he was only "joking." Ha ha ha, I was being hostile and bad sport who just couldn't take a joke. My bad.
The chapter on pumping in strange places (pages 108 to 121) can be helpful. Oh, all the places you will pump!
Section 3
Section 3 is all about pumping on business trips, which wasn't applicable for me as a lower level worker. I couldn't relate to the harrowing experiences of pumping during international travel, and personally I found the author's obliviousness to her own privilege as an upper level employee to be annoying.
Section 4
Section 4 covers what to do when things go wrong, and they will. There are some good hacks to use if you forget important pump pieces.
Chapter 17 "All the Feelings" (pages 186 to 203). The author makes the pleas for mothers to see things in perspective (page 189). She points out that if one mother talks about her breastfeeding goals, that doesn't mean she is judging anyone else's. Yes, please stop personalizing everything! It is a cognitive distortion, and it only makes you miserable. This is really hard because people do tend to take anything said about highly emotional topics very personally, but what other people do and talk about doing really has nothing to do with you most of the time.
The author also reminds readers of the fact that "the breast is best" slogan that everyone now resents was created in response to the better-living-through-chemistry idea from the mid-20th Century that taught generations of mothers that breastmilk was nutritionally inferior to formula (pages 193 to 194). Women believed for decades that breastmilk wasn't good for babies. Crazy but true! "The breast is best" campaign counteracted this and is responsible for encouraging breastfeeding. Many of us never would have even attempted breastfeeding if it weren't for this campaign.
Again, please keep things in perspective. Formula was invented to feed babies whose mothers can't or won't breastfeed them. The fact breastmilk has a slight nutritional edge doesn't mean there is anything wrong with formula feeding. Ignore the extremists on both sides of the debate and just do what is best for your particular situation. You are the authority on your own life. You know your particular needs and limits.
I was also happy to see included a small section on people who “shame” you for working although I think "criticize" would be a better (and less dramatic) word choice than shame. Some people, particularly women of a certain generation and/or sociocultural group, expect women to either stop working or not work while they have small children, and they will tactlessly make comments. The best response is to simply say "Yes, I am still working" and then refuse to engage in the conversation any further. They won't understand that it's not the 1950s anymore and that a second-income is required not to slide into poverty or that a woman might need to work in order to feel personally fulfilled, so there is not point arguing or explaining. It isn't you; it's the other person's worldview.
There's also a small section on how to respond to people who say breastfeeding is easy. I had no idea people believed this -- or at least anyone who had ever attempted to breastfeed. New mothers are usually shocked to discover that even though breastfeeding is natural (as in once the placenta detaches chemical signals cause a woman's body to begin lactating), there is a steep learning curve. Anyone who tells you that breastfeeding is easy has no idea what s/he is talking about. Don't sweat it.