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Keep Your Love On: Connection, Communication and Boundaries
Keeping your love on. It s a hard thing to do. Sometimes it s the hardest thing to do. But if you want to build healthy relationships with God and others, learning to keep your love on is non negotiable. Adults and children alike thrive in healthy relationships where it is safe to love and be loved, to know and be known. Yet for many, relationships are anything but safe, loving, or intimate. They are defined by anxiety, manipulation, control, and conflict. The reason is that most people have never been trained to be powerful enough to keep their love on in the face of mistakes, pain, and fear.Keep Your Love On reveals the higher, Jesus focused standard defined by mature love love that stays on no matter what. Danny Silk s practical examples and poignant stories will leave you with the power to draw healthy boundaries, communicate in love, and ultimately protect your connections so you can love against all odds. As a result, your relationships will be radically transformed for eternity. When you learn to keep your love on, you become like Jesus."
176 pages, Paperback
First published May 12, 2013
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3881 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 392 reviews
September 15, 2014
This book should be required reading before interacting with another human being. Like, ever.
September 8, 2015
I was expecting this to be a sweet, feel-good book about love and kindness. It was, instead, a bold, hard-hitting, brutally honest book about what constitutes a healthy relationship (marriage or otherwise) and how it will spiral downward in an environment of anxiety, manipulation, control, and conflict. Keep Your Love On! is a call to step up with courage and love to meet the pain and fear we sometimes encounter in our close relationships. “Fear and love have opposite agendas and opposite strategies for achieving them. They cannot coexist in a person, relationship, or culture.”
Told from a Christian perspective, the author believes Christ has set the standard for mature love, love that can withstand anything, love that stays “on” regardless of the circumstances or threats. He maintains that to keep your love on, you have to learn to be powerful enough to step out in love, hold your ground, and create a space in the relationships where it is safe to love and be loved. While I resonated strongly with the Christian perspective and the supportive concepts taken from Holy Scripture, I regret there will be those who won’t read the book because they think they will be preached to. This would be their loss, because there is a great deal of valuable wisdom and practical advice here that goes far beyond religious ideology.
The premise sounds good, but the strength of the book lies in the many examples and stories from clients and individuals under the author’s pastoral care. He builds the argument by talking first about connection—the things that build it and the things that erode it. I recognized myself in the stories, as well as loved ones with whom I have occasionally felt conflict. I appreciated his stating something we often forget: “…if all our relationships are based solely on our natural impulse to return liking for liking, then we’re going to have problems. Liking is a conditional state—it changes.” To maintain a healthy relationship, we make a decision to love, and it has nothing to do with emotions.
The section on communication was particularly solid in its insistence on telling truth in love and teaching the reader how to communicate in the midst of conflict. “When you commit to becoming the best communicator you could possibly be, you commit to connection, and to being a truly powerful person.” I was struck with one very simple thing to remember in a contentious conversation: it’s my job to tell you how I feel and your job to tell me how you feel. And it’s both our jobs to listen to the other. There’s no place for judgment in true communication.
The last section covered the importance of boundaries and why they are necessary, even in a loving relationship. He provides guidelines for setting boundaries and examples of what happens when they are absent.
Perhaps the book can be summed up in one sentence: “Powerful people do not try to control other people. They know it doesn’t work, and that it’s not their job. Their job is to control themselves.” This quote explains the rationale for the title of his book, “A powerful person’s choice to love will stand, no matter what the other person does or says. When powerful people say, “I love you,” there’s nothing that can stop them. Their love is not dependent on being loved in return. It is dependent on their powerful ability to say, “Yes” and carry out that decision. This protects their love from external forces, or from being managed by other people.”
Keep Your Love On! Connection, Communication & Boundaries by Danny Silk is one of those rare books I will keep, read again, and recommend to others.
Told from a Christian perspective, the author believes Christ has set the standard for mature love, love that can withstand anything, love that stays “on” regardless of the circumstances or threats. He maintains that to keep your love on, you have to learn to be powerful enough to step out in love, hold your ground, and create a space in the relationships where it is safe to love and be loved. While I resonated strongly with the Christian perspective and the supportive concepts taken from Holy Scripture, I regret there will be those who won’t read the book because they think they will be preached to. This would be their loss, because there is a great deal of valuable wisdom and practical advice here that goes far beyond religious ideology.
The premise sounds good, but the strength of the book lies in the many examples and stories from clients and individuals under the author’s pastoral care. He builds the argument by talking first about connection—the things that build it and the things that erode it. I recognized myself in the stories, as well as loved ones with whom I have occasionally felt conflict. I appreciated his stating something we often forget: “…if all our relationships are based solely on our natural impulse to return liking for liking, then we’re going to have problems. Liking is a conditional state—it changes.” To maintain a healthy relationship, we make a decision to love, and it has nothing to do with emotions.
The section on communication was particularly solid in its insistence on telling truth in love and teaching the reader how to communicate in the midst of conflict. “When you commit to becoming the best communicator you could possibly be, you commit to connection, and to being a truly powerful person.” I was struck with one very simple thing to remember in a contentious conversation: it’s my job to tell you how I feel and your job to tell me how you feel. And it’s both our jobs to listen to the other. There’s no place for judgment in true communication.
The last section covered the importance of boundaries and why they are necessary, even in a loving relationship. He provides guidelines for setting boundaries and examples of what happens when they are absent.
Perhaps the book can be summed up in one sentence: “Powerful people do not try to control other people. They know it doesn’t work, and that it’s not their job. Their job is to control themselves.” This quote explains the rationale for the title of his book, “A powerful person’s choice to love will stand, no matter what the other person does or says. When powerful people say, “I love you,” there’s nothing that can stop them. Their love is not dependent on being loved in return. It is dependent on their powerful ability to say, “Yes” and carry out that decision. This protects their love from external forces, or from being managed by other people.”
Keep Your Love On! Connection, Communication & Boundaries by Danny Silk is one of those rare books I will keep, read again, and recommend to others.
April 17, 2019
Read it for a book club. Felt the author lacked credibility in the sense that none of the ideas or theories discussed in this book were original to him, but he failed to give credit or properly cite.
December 5, 2014
You may have heard it before, but this book brought me to tears. I can be powerful. I can Own my needs, value my needs. I am not entitled to anyone else meeting them. But i can tell people my needs so they have a chance to meet them. I can know and understand other people's needs. I can have strong boundaries to ensure value and respect. All framed with God as the top reference point and source of all comfort and authority.
January 3, 2016
This book was powerful and challenging. We read it with two other couples in a lifegroup and has revolutionized how we view communication and boundaries in relationships. It has challenged us to stay powerful and not allow others to determine our levels of love.
April 12, 2019
This was a book club selection. The ideas in it were pretty basic and there are better written books on boundaries and connecting with loved ones. The writing and editing are not great. I did not agree with all the theology. One illustration at the end of the book that excused rape culture was problematic for me.
The chapters on the trust cycle and conflict were helpful and it's always good to be reminded about how to have healthy boundaries in relationships. I also appreciated the acknowledgement that pastors are held to impossible standards that set them up to fall.
The chapters on the trust cycle and conflict were helpful and it's always good to be reminded about how to have healthy boundaries in relationships. I also appreciated the acknowledgement that pastors are held to impossible standards that set them up to fall.
May 29, 2023
My husband’s work friend suggested this book to him and he liked it and thought I would too. I did not want to read it! The title sort of disgusted me. But I ended up enjoying it, being reminded of some old principles and given a few new strategies to help communication in my marriage and other relationships.
I did not like the last chapter at all.
I did not like the last chapter at all.
April 19, 2023
This was a book I started when I was engaged and recently finished. While not a marriage book necessarily, had topics that can apply to those married and those not. I liked that there were many practical stories that spoke into how to show Christ’s love and why that’s important. I also liked the chapter on trust and conflict.
My issues with this book would probably have me leaning toward being cautious who I choose to recommend it to. I work with women in deep crisis and thinking about them reading a book that continually confirms a narrative of them being “powerless people” likely wouldn’t be a healing agent. The books talks about the two camps of people: powerful and powerless, but rarely sites how a powerless person can become powerful. It bothered me that there wasn’t a clear road map, but more of “this is what you’d do if you were powerful.”
I also feel like there were instances where the author could have reflected the loving heart of the Father more, especially in a book about His love but instead chose to talk about boundaries. (Don’t get me wrong the boundaries chapter had some good nuggets but interesting that D.S. didn’t appeal to the audience more with this).
Overall an ok book, shallow at times, and would be cautious who I recommended it to.
My issues with this book would probably have me leaning toward being cautious who I choose to recommend it to. I work with women in deep crisis and thinking about them reading a book that continually confirms a narrative of them being “powerless people” likely wouldn’t be a healing agent. The books talks about the two camps of people: powerful and powerless, but rarely sites how a powerless person can become powerful. It bothered me that there wasn’t a clear road map, but more of “this is what you’d do if you were powerful.”
I also feel like there were instances where the author could have reflected the loving heart of the Father more, especially in a book about His love but instead chose to talk about boundaries. (Don’t get me wrong the boundaries chapter had some good nuggets but interesting that D.S. didn’t appeal to the audience more with this).
Overall an ok book, shallow at times, and would be cautious who I recommended it to.
May 7, 2020
As someone who recently moved 1000+ miles away from all of my family and friends, it has been somewhat difficult navigating relationships I've physically left behind.
How do I stay in contact with my close friends while trying to find a circle in my new surroundings?
How available should I make myself to my friends?
How sustainable is it to keep close contact with all of my friends from back home?
These are questions that rattle around in my brain most weeks. They can be overwhelming, and at times I find myself acting bitter because of them. Not great.
This book didn't "change my life", but it did give me a validating perspective of how to maintain healthy connections. Connections with strong communication and boundaries of respect. I've written many notes on its pages, and I expect to return to it for years to come.
It does have a Christian flavor, but not in a way that should deter those who aren't Christians from reading (in my opinion anyway!). Would recommend to anyone.
How do I stay in contact with my close friends while trying to find a circle in my new surroundings?
How available should I make myself to my friends?
How sustainable is it to keep close contact with all of my friends from back home?
These are questions that rattle around in my brain most weeks. They can be overwhelming, and at times I find myself acting bitter because of them. Not great.
This book didn't "change my life", but it did give me a validating perspective of how to maintain healthy connections. Connections with strong communication and boundaries of respect. I've written many notes on its pages, and I expect to return to it for years to come.
It does have a Christian flavor, but not in a way that should deter those who aren't Christians from reading (in my opinion anyway!). Would recommend to anyone.
September 30, 2018
This book just seemed like it was all over the place with stolen ideas from other books. Nothing was well-developed or laid out in an organized manner, and I couldn't stand the powerful vs. powerless people concept. I am not sure what Danny Silk's credentials are in the psychology realm, but too many things gave me the impression that he was just making concepts up and defining them however he chose to. Quite a few of them did not ring true and were painted with too broad a stroke. I could not recommend this book to anyone. I would instead direct them to those that have done a better job- Cloud's Boundaries, Chapman's The Five Love Languages, and almost any other well-respected marriage book.
June 4, 2019
I'm glad I read this with a book club because I'm not sure I would have stuck with this book if I hadn't. Especially in the beginning the author came off as cold and unfeeling to me but if I had stopped reading I would have missed so much wisdom and practical relationship advice that I am truly grateful for.
July 27, 2013
again, learning that love is the ultimate, it helps set boundaries, and it helps you define your boundaries.
November 17, 2024
DNF @ 52%. I cannot with this author’s writing style. I don’t know that I’ve ever read so many words with so little use
August 15, 2017
This book has taught me so much! Here's a synopsis of what I took away from it:
"Unconditional love says, no matter what you do, I am still going to pursue the goal of connection with you."
The relationships we have with others are either moving forward or moving backward. We have the choice to pursue connection, or to not pursue connection. Often we stop pursuing connection because we've been hurt, we fear rejection, or sometimes pride holds us back. We ask ourselves: How can we pursue connection when we can't control the other person's response to us? We are not supposed to control one other's responses. We are only responsible for our own actions, behaviors, and our pursuance of people. And God's perfect (unconditional) love casts out all fear. He empowers us to keep our love on: we can't do this without him. It's easy to rely on people to meet our needs; They are physically present with us, after all. But we were designed by God to have God be our number one. And when God shares his heart and love for people with you, there is an inexplainable freedom and empowerment to love as you never have loved before.
I closed this book feeling challenged, encouraged, and inspired. This book was everything that I love to gain knowledge and understanding about: communication, relationships, Jesus, loving people, and the 5 love languages (may as well toss in personalities while we're at it). This is the best book I've read in 2017.
A take home quote:
"Keep your love on is a mind-set. It is a heart condition. It's something no one can make you do and no one can keep you from doing. It is a force with a life of its own. ...Keeping your love creates fearlessness and deep vulnerability."
"Unconditional love says, no matter what you do, I am still going to pursue the goal of connection with you."
The relationships we have with others are either moving forward or moving backward. We have the choice to pursue connection, or to not pursue connection. Often we stop pursuing connection because we've been hurt, we fear rejection, or sometimes pride holds us back. We ask ourselves: How can we pursue connection when we can't control the other person's response to us? We are not supposed to control one other's responses. We are only responsible for our own actions, behaviors, and our pursuance of people. And God's perfect (unconditional) love casts out all fear. He empowers us to keep our love on: we can't do this without him. It's easy to rely on people to meet our needs; They are physically present with us, after all. But we were designed by God to have God be our number one. And when God shares his heart and love for people with you, there is an inexplainable freedom and empowerment to love as you never have loved before.
I closed this book feeling challenged, encouraged, and inspired. This book was everything that I love to gain knowledge and understanding about: communication, relationships, Jesus, loving people, and the 5 love languages (may as well toss in personalities while we're at it). This is the best book I've read in 2017.
A take home quote:
"Keep your love on is a mind-set. It is a heart condition. It's something no one can make you do and no one can keep you from doing. It is a force with a life of its own. ...Keeping your love creates fearlessness and deep vulnerability."
August 25, 2024
Incredible. I found it confronting in a welcoming way. Challenging to communicate better, instead of holding on to emotion and putting out little signs. Be a powerful communicator and person by managing boundaries of your attention, respect and time. And say what you feel without attacking the other person for doing so.
And honestly, yes there are spiritual components throughout the book. But. You can be an adult and take it or leave it, and see the powerful messages and ideas within.
Loving is a choice, through building connection. People can hurt us, but we choose whether we let them walk over us and stop loving them, or we can choose to set boundaries and keep our love on for them.
This is a powerful book, and if people took the chance to read, understand, AND practice, the world would heal each other.
And honestly, yes there are spiritual components throughout the book. But. You can be an adult and take it or leave it, and see the powerful messages and ideas within.
Loving is a choice, through building connection. People can hurt us, but we choose whether we let them walk over us and stop loving them, or we can choose to set boundaries and keep our love on for them.
This is a powerful book, and if people took the chance to read, understand, AND practice, the world would heal each other.
August 14, 2017
Didn't get all the way through. With the plethora of marriage books out there, this one wasn't worth my time. It didn't really offer anything for insightful or different from other marriage books I've read.
July 10, 2017
Some good ideas, but I really wasn't at all impressed with the way the book was written. I would recommend bits of it, but certainly not the book as a whole.
January 21, 2022
This book was solid. Honestly went into it thinking it would be cheesy and unrelateable. Came out of the book encouraged. Sometimes I can get so “logical” about books and want cross references and statistics to back up every point. For some reason, that didn’t bother me and this book hit me at the right time.
Silk mostly just used stories from his career in ministry and a few passages from the Bible. I will say, he did seem to look at many circumstances as black and white. Maybe he is a master boundary maker and connector, but I believe there to be a lot of nuance and gray area in loving people well! Generally speaking, solid advice from Silk.
Silk mostly just used stories from his career in ministry and a few passages from the Bible. I will say, he did seem to look at many circumstances as black and white. Maybe he is a master boundary maker and connector, but I believe there to be a lot of nuance and gray area in loving people well! Generally speaking, solid advice from Silk.
July 19, 2020
Personally I didn’t get a whole lot from this book. The author brings up some really good points, but ultimately I feel like each chapter could’ve been 2 pages each. My favorite part was the last few chapters on creating boundaries, I think this portion has some really solid truths! Not a waste of a read, just won’t recommend it to others
January 25, 2022
I tend to be extremely hesitant when it come to relational-advice books and content. I tend to think they’re usually 100 pages longer than they need to be, with words that feel and sound good but no actual practical knowledge or advice.
That being said, this was a good book. Exactly what it needed to be — short, to the point, and actually really practical and digestible.
That being said, this was a good book. Exactly what it needed to be — short, to the point, and actually really practical and digestible.
July 30, 2024
Great book on effective communication, being able to set boundaries to ensure relationship is prioritised and any fear or feelings are not able to bring a dividing wall but instead draw those together in love.
Lots of examples used throughout the book, my one recommendation being some more structured visual aids to accompany the content.
Lots of examples used throughout the book, my one recommendation being some more structured visual aids to accompany the content.
August 24, 2025
Our spiritual calling is nothing less than to love and be loved by God and people. Our spiritual training and growth can only occur in the context of relationship. The whole nature of relationship is that you cannot control it. All you can control is your free choice to love others and receive their love. When you make this choice, freedom grows and fear goes.
March 3, 2018
This was a convicting book for me - it made me realize that so many times where I thought I was going the extra-mile to make sure people were feeling comfortable and good in certain situations or about particular decisions I was actually empowering them to remain powerless. The second book of Danny's I've read, and having heard him speak in person a couple of times at this point - the guy has a lot of golden relational advice. Not easy, but so good. Time to go start working on becoming more of a powerful person.
January 26, 2019
Excellent. Calls readers to take responsibility for their life, behavior, and relationships, to break out of victim/hero/villain mindsets, and pursue connection with the ones you love instead of managing your distance from them.
February 23, 2023
Overall, phenomenal book. I learned so much!!! It was a slow start for me & there are a couple minor things I’m not sure I 100% agree with. However, I recommend this book to believers in Jesus - especially those in ministry roles!
February 1, 2024
Ooof! This book felt like a personal attack, in the best way possible. I want to say I wish I had read this earlier, but I don’t think I would have been able to take it in. I would have felt defensive and probably not even finish it.
February 6, 2024
An insightful book that was easy to read and understand. I struggled with the author using ideas and theories that are not his but were not credited. And I thought it needed to be backed up with more scripture.
February 22, 2024
A book you can’t rush. Very powerful and full of tokens of wisdom. It goes without saying, but we are designed for intimate connection, and this book reflects on the importance of healthy communication, boundaries, and connection with people in our lives. Loved it!
August 16, 2024
(Read on paper)
Definitely a great wedding gift from Mrs. Seago. This is essentially a guide to creating and maintaining healthy relationships, backed by decades of experience counseling couples and families, and intertwined with Christian teaching and principles. The religious elements successfully enhanced the messages for me even though I’m not personally religious.
Enjoyable and easy read.
Definitely a great wedding gift from Mrs. Seago. This is essentially a guide to creating and maintaining healthy relationships, backed by decades of experience counseling couples and families, and intertwined with Christian teaching and principles. The religious elements successfully enhanced the messages for me even though I’m not personally religious.
Enjoyable and easy read.
January 15, 2019
I would recommend this to anyone and everyone. I will be reading this one again!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 392 reviews