5 Stars
WARNING MAJOR, MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD
I misjudged this book while reading 3/4 of it. I was angry, bored, angry again, sad, groaned again and then at the end, I was giggling. You read it right, GIGGLING You don't get super angry, sad and then giggle at the same time with the same book!
When I have decided to pick this book already for my next reading, I was very scared. Lightning gave me hurt so much that I wasn't able to sleep for the next 3 nights (me being that affected) and then I immediately succumbed to an equally painful book (much MORE painful) in the form of Anyta Sunday's ROCK that I really tried to shy away from this book for at least a couple of months. But I can't stop thinking about Nathaniel and my book-crush on him so against my heart's wishes, I picked it up.
Honestly, I was apathetic when I read the first half. Don't get me wrong, Nathaniel's story is really good (and shocking because of a revelation) but the first 3/4 of the book is a very long flashback that centered so much on Nathaniel's past romantic escapade, which for me is very important but I wish it wasn't THAT detailed. I looked forward for this book to have more of Kelly and Nathaniel in it but they only have a few more scenes at the end of the book, which made me wanting more. I thought the last 4% of the book was already short enough to dedicate only for them but I was frustrated that most of that was taken by the dying dog arc. I love Zero, though. Just pissed that he had to have a moment at the end of the story when all I am really trying to read is what happens to Kelly and Nathaniel.
But I was also angry and seething again because all my negative vices that I fear the most were tackled once again in this book (i.e. infidelity) but as I got into the last part of the book, I now understand why it must happen. Jay made us experience the hurt and the pain, not to torture us, readers, but to teach a lesson about love. Something that I honestly didn't know before I read this book but now, I was enlightened. Nathaniel must learn that to love means to hurt, which is something that I personally learned as well together with Nathaniel. I always ask myself Why Jay has to always, ALWAYS has to use the cheating twist that honestly, I grew tired with already. But then taking this book as a whole, Jay is only trying to say that love can make people do stupid things. I can;t give the lesson the justice it deserves if I included the summary here in this review (since I can't do it even.)
Despite my subjective opinions about this book, I am rating this a 5 star because of its sheer impact on me. I LEARNED from this book, learned something that I thought I would never learn anywhere. Jay has this vast understanding of Love that I thought I was able to grasp already by now. And because of that, I am putting this book in my heart and will surely re-read passages that I am pretty sure will help me personally.
Looking forward to the next Jay Bell Book!
Personal Notes:
These are my notes while reading the book. Not necessarily they were my final judgement on the book, but these are just things that I took note while experiencing the story:
*I get Jay now. After reading this book, I realized how I am personally very rooted on my belief in monogamy, fidelity, loyalty and promise, which I still am. But I have to accept that there are people out there who is very opposite of me. They are not necessary horrible people. They are just like that. Understanding these people doesn’t mean I won't be annoyed or get hurt by them. That’s part of being human, too. My personality and humanity asks me to despise these people. But it’s not my fault as much as it’s theirs. I don't know what I am saying here. LOL
*I would have hated this book. Cheating is a hard limit for me when I am reading. Well, it can be present as long as there is a very justifying reaction to that kind of betrayal. ANd I mean revenge (lol) but aside from revenge, I want an explanation. A mature, objective kind of philosophizing in the nature of cheating, which I am surprised that Jay was able to squeeze into this book. I was starting to frown at him for playing the cheating card over and over again. But there are different kinds/facets in the nature of love (and the pain it surely brings) and he’s just bringing it up. Not necessarily reflecting his own vidication about Loyalty.
*I was wondering when will Jay Bell tackle Homophobia to an extent. I thought this book is about that, but I guess it’s more of a psychotic sadism and abuse, but not really related to Homophobia.
*Another girl friend is featured in this book.
*I really hated that Charity Ball scene. No matter what angle or POV I read that includes that scene, my heart crushes for Kelly. I don’t get the message of that scene at all. Everyone helped to do something wrong. Everyone helped to make someone hurt and betrayed. Love is cruel, true. But what the people did here was pointblank cruel, too. I just can't move on from it. I don't see the grand, final lesson than to never trust anyone.
*Nathaniel got hurt and be devastated because of cheating. How can he stomach to be part of a plan that allowed one person to cheat in a relationship?!
*These questions sparked in me after reading Lightning and still do while reading Thunder. What is Jay Bell’s notion of Love in relation to Fidelity, Commitment, Promise and Loyalty? Does every action, every move and every decision have to be based on feelings? Ben cheated Jace with Tim because “Ben is the type of person who follows his heart.” William cheated Kelly in the most terrible and horrific manner, all because…. actually I don’t know what he was thinking during that time and I really don’t give a fuck. Nathaniel here kissed Caesar while the latter is still in a relationship (take note: Caesar eagerly kissed him back) because he felt he “deserved” that one kiss after all the hell he’d been through. Caesar admitted to Nathaniel that he is in love with him while still in a relationship with Steph. The asshole eventually broke up with Steph via PHONE after that kiss, smiling and saying he did the right thing (which technically he did) but I mean, what the efff?!! Can you really brush off a person whom you are with for almost a year that easily? Can you delve into another relationship that early just after ending another? Why is everyone here in these books take cheating and relationship very lightly? I know love is fickle, but not this fickle. Where is the respect, where is the honor?! All I’ve been reading, all the flowery explanations to justify the actions, still boils down to selfish feelings and selfish reactions that leads to selfish happiness, which I find so hard to celebrate. I’ve tried to reason out these notions that I have in the previous books, but we’ve reached into this installment and I just can’t understand it anymore. It’s all still here. Everybody, everyone does it. Does a relationship only last when the euphoria of love is present and after it dies out, it’s time to move on to the next person?
*How can you have SEX and get into a relationship with someone merely hours after you broke up with another? It’s so unfair to the person being left behind. Not because you are ending it with the person, doesn’t mean he/she won’t get hurt to see you with another person. Again, respect to other people’s feelings. Sorry, this might be an angry comment or maybe even harsh but I think because of what is happening in all of these books, but either they were all young, foolish, “human,” and prone to commit mistakes OR everyone in this series are just plain sluts. *rolls eyes*
*I think Jay knew what kind of person Caesar is to the readers, that is why he didn’t put much detail on the sex scenes after his reunion with Nathaniel. Good thing since, it won’t be hot at all.
*Jay has this gift of weaving, not just interconnected books or stories, but even emotions and personalities. To relate someone from a past character, with the emotions intact and the essence of them visible in the words he used. I am in awe. God, I don’t like this story much but I am still a die-hard fan of his.
*I HATE this book for all the cheating, the deceit, the lies and everything! I haven’t been in a relationship at all and all the philosophies here is driving me crazy and away from love…. But on another side, I guess what Jay is trying to say here that the world is, indeed, cruel. Love is cruel. And as human beings, we will love no matter what, and we will get hurt because it’s part of love. And no matter how we hurt, we will survive, we will be okay. And for me that’s a nice gift from an author who are so much like Marcello, himself. But for now, let me hate you, Jay Bell. Because I am still human AND I am currently still hurting for Kelly. But I’ll definitely sure to buy your next book *dammit* and support all of your works *DANG IT* because I really love you *ugh*
The second half of the book is a bit rushed, which for me, is the most important one. Comparing it to the very draggy first half, the second part didn’t seem to get the attention it deserves. We’ve almost seen Tim’s POV in his relationship to Ben point by point in Winter. And for me, Nathaniel deserves to be able to share his POV in his relationship to Kelly.