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Love is a Choice: Making Your Marriage and Family Stronger
We all know that actions speak louder than words. We may say I love you, but do our actions back up that claim? Elder Lynn G. Robbins teaches us that love is more than a feeling it is a commitment, a promise to be responsible, respectful, and responsive to the needs and experiences of other. And like any other action we undertake, perfecting the act of love requires a lifetime of practice and good choices. As Elder Robbins teaches, the daily choices we make in our marriages and families are what shape lasting love. He helps us to recognize the role that our agency plays in developing forgiveness, patience, kindness, responsibility, and other virtuous traits. We come to see that as we actively try to do things differently, Christ helps us to be the people He wants us to be people like Him. Whether you're engaged to be married, a newlywed, or someone with decades of marriage under your belt, this counsel from an inspired leader will help you develop more Christlike love for those around you. As you draw closer to the Savior through your daily choices and actions, His love will fill your home.
288 pages, Hardcover
First published April 24, 2015
58 people are currently reading
581 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 57 reviews
September 21, 2018
I don’t believe in giving church books five stars just because they’re written by general authorities, but Lynn Robbins is always one of my favorite speakers in conference and I assumed I would love this book. I was right. I would describe it as a marriage and parenting self-help book based in doctrine, with heavy emphasis on The Book of Mormon, which I really enjoyed and appreciated. I found so much practical advice and yet something about the way it was written made it easy to digest and hard to put down. And it made me feel empowered.
My absolute favorite part of this book though is the end, where Robbins selects 100 Christ-like virtues to highlight, giving the noun and the imperative in addition to synonyms and antonyms and scriptures that describe the virtue. They are simply fascinating. It really gave me pause to consider that Jesus Christ possesses all these virtues and more...in their fullness. Some of my favorite virtues listed (not because I possess them myself necessarily but because I desperately want to) include: vitality, simplicity, contentment, creativity, resilience, boldness, mindfulness, competence, refinement, culture, serenity, inclusion, meekness, self-mastery, spirituality... and truthfully the 85 others were equally amazing.
Favorite quotes:
“[Christ] is the one and only author of true love, the kind needed for a love story that truly has no end. He calls his love charity, and it endures forever.”
“Ultimately it isn’t our abilities and talents that make us who we are, but our choices.”
“You can almost tell the measure of a person’s character by what it takes to offend them. The Savior simply never took offense.”
“Punishment is usually carried out by anger and contempt. It is something you do to another person, and it is taken with resentment. Discipline, conversely, is carried out with love and is something you do for another person.”
“One of the pivotal revelations in life is to discover that we have far more control over our happiness than we sometimes think we do...it is a matter of attitude more than of circumstance....happiness is to be found by expecting it and looking for it, even when living in less than desirable circumstances.”
“A man sees in the world what he carries in his hear.” (Johann Wolfgang von Goethe)
“You will be as happy as [you] make [your mind] up to be.” (Abraham Lincoln)
“Opposition is no respecter of persons. However, when trials come, the wise chose happiness.”
“Pain is inevitable, but misery is optional.” (Marion D Hanks)
“For most of life, nothing wonderful happens. If you don’t enjoy getting up and working and finishing your work and sitting down to a meal with family or friends, then the chances are that you’re not going to be very happy. If someone based his happiness or unhappiness on major events like a great new job, huge amounts of money, a flawlessly happy marriage, or a trip to Paris, that person isn’t going to be happy much of the time. If on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness.” (Andy Rooney)
“I am perfectly satisfied that my Father and my God is a cheerful, pleasant, lively, and good-natured Being. Why? Because I am cheerful, pleasant, lively, and good-natured when I have His Spirit.” (Heber C. Kimball)
“Excellence does not need to proclaim itself; its reputation precedes it.”
My absolute favorite part of this book though is the end, where Robbins selects 100 Christ-like virtues to highlight, giving the noun and the imperative in addition to synonyms and antonyms and scriptures that describe the virtue. They are simply fascinating. It really gave me pause to consider that Jesus Christ possesses all these virtues and more...in their fullness. Some of my favorite virtues listed (not because I possess them myself necessarily but because I desperately want to) include: vitality, simplicity, contentment, creativity, resilience, boldness, mindfulness, competence, refinement, culture, serenity, inclusion, meekness, self-mastery, spirituality... and truthfully the 85 others were equally amazing.
Favorite quotes:
“[Christ] is the one and only author of true love, the kind needed for a love story that truly has no end. He calls his love charity, and it endures forever.”
“Ultimately it isn’t our abilities and talents that make us who we are, but our choices.”
“You can almost tell the measure of a person’s character by what it takes to offend them. The Savior simply never took offense.”
“Punishment is usually carried out by anger and contempt. It is something you do to another person, and it is taken with resentment. Discipline, conversely, is carried out with love and is something you do for another person.”
“One of the pivotal revelations in life is to discover that we have far more control over our happiness than we sometimes think we do...it is a matter of attitude more than of circumstance....happiness is to be found by expecting it and looking for it, even when living in less than desirable circumstances.”
“A man sees in the world what he carries in his hear.” (Johann Wolfgang von Goethe)
“You will be as happy as [you] make [your mind] up to be.” (Abraham Lincoln)
“Opposition is no respecter of persons. However, when trials come, the wise chose happiness.”
“Pain is inevitable, but misery is optional.” (Marion D Hanks)
“For most of life, nothing wonderful happens. If you don’t enjoy getting up and working and finishing your work and sitting down to a meal with family or friends, then the chances are that you’re not going to be very happy. If someone based his happiness or unhappiness on major events like a great new job, huge amounts of money, a flawlessly happy marriage, or a trip to Paris, that person isn’t going to be happy much of the time. If on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness.” (Andy Rooney)
“I am perfectly satisfied that my Father and my God is a cheerful, pleasant, lively, and good-natured Being. Why? Because I am cheerful, pleasant, lively, and good-natured when I have His Spirit.” (Heber C. Kimball)
“Excellence does not need to proclaim itself; its reputation precedes it.”
June 24, 2015
Robbins talks about our responsibility and agency in our marriages. He does a great job explaining how to use the Atonement, repentance, forgiveness, and developing Christlike characteristics to help and strengthen our marriage. I love the section in the book where he talks about raising children and to remember who they really are - children of God. With little children running around in my own home, this is not always the easiest thing to remember. :-)
In the rest of the book you will find advice on finances, unity, and Christlike virtues. Using quotes from General Authorities, scriptures references, and LDS literature, Robbins supports his writing and helps you recognize the truth in his words. This is a must read for anyone - married or not. It prepares you if you aren't married and helps you think about your own marriage if you are. There's so much great advice and truth that everyone needs in order to strengthen their marriage.
In the rest of the book you will find advice on finances, unity, and Christlike virtues. Using quotes from General Authorities, scriptures references, and LDS literature, Robbins supports his writing and helps you recognize the truth in his words. This is a must read for anyone - married or not. It prepares you if you aren't married and helps you think about your own marriage if you are. There's so much great advice and truth that everyone needs in order to strengthen their marriage.
May 17, 2021
I don’t read books like this very often, but this was very helpful for me, and I plan on reading it with my wife when I get the chance.
March 11, 2025
There is an unbelievable amount in this book. Acknowledgment of the existence of agency pushes back against the magical phase of “falling in love” and all too common phase of “falling out of love” and makes me better take responsibility of and accountability for my relationships.
Like most self-help or religious books, there tends to be lots of fluff. I felt the whole “parenting” middle of the book, while amazingly insightful, distracted from the overall message about choosing marital and the happy ever after. His list of Christlike attributes is forever long but so well put together that it really enables one to consider making a concerted effort to develop these attributes individually, as a couple, and as a family.
Like most self-help or religious books, there tends to be lots of fluff. I felt the whole “parenting” middle of the book, while amazingly insightful, distracted from the overall message about choosing marital and the happy ever after. His list of Christlike attributes is forever long but so well put together that it really enables one to consider making a concerted effort to develop these attributes individually, as a couple, and as a family.
March 13, 2021
This is the 2021 Neighborhood Book Club pick. We get together to discuss one chapter a month. Lynn G. Robbins is a favorite speaker of mine so I was happy to check out this recommendation. I haven't finished it yet but it's been excellent so far. I like examining marriage through the lens of the gospel and Robbins does a good job applying gospel principles to relationships. What I've liked most about this book is that it's a lot more about becoming Christlike than just about marriage. He discusses Christlike attributes and what they look like. That's been very helpful and applicable. I've enjoyed taking this a chapter at a time and sharing insights with my husband. It's also been a great book to discuss in the group because we can talk in generalities and principles as opposed to getting bogged down in specifics.
April 17, 2024
This title is very misleading. It should be titled, "How to make the cookie cutter LDS family". If you don't know how to do this, this book might be for you! The problem is, real problems arise, love gets hard, and choosing love isn't always easy. This book doesn't help with that. I was pretty disappointed.
October 5, 2018
I loved the ideas, particularly in the first half of this book. Robbins is super insightful about human nature and explains the scriptures and gospel doctrines to teach relationship principles.
June 25, 2019
It changed my life!
September 19, 2021
Really loved this book and just wanted to absorb all the words! I loved the list of Christlike attributes at the end. I also loved the solid parenting advice.
December 21, 2020
Lots of great information and ideas in this book of how to be more Christlike. I was a little thrown off by the cover picture and title of this book; I thought it was going to be a book on mostly marriage and improving marital relations. So my husband and I started reading it together each night. But that’s not really what this book is. It talks some about marital relations and it clarifies that love is a choice rather than falling in and falling out of love (both of which seem accidental, or that can’t be controlled).
This book covered principles and Christlike attributes. Similar to one of his general conference talks of Christlike “to be”, but this time he went into a lot of detail of how to do that. All of which was very insightful and I really enjoyed. I especially liked the first couple of chapters and the second half of this book; more personal stories and ideas of things you can do in the home, and I liked the list of Christlike virtues at the end with definitions, how to be, and synonyms and antonyms for each virtue.
Here are my notes with highlights from the book.
“While the expression, fall in love, is a beautiful idiom, there are inherent risks involved in using the verb “fall”, because it could imply that love is accidental, involuntary, with no choice involved. And suddenly, the expression has also led to the use of its distressing corollary, ‘we fell out of love’, an all too common phrase heard nowadays as an excuse for a failed marriage. Falling in love and falling out of love make it seem as if love were something that cannot be controlled, in which people are being acted upon more than choosing to act.12
At a seminar someone asked Stephen R Covey (author of 7 habits of highly effective people) what he could do about his marriage because him and his wife didn’t have the same feelings For each other that they used to. Stephen R Covey replied “love her”.
The man looked puzzled. “How do you love when you don’t feel love?“the man responded.
“My friend, love is a verb. The feeling of love is the fruit of love. So love your wife. You did it once, you can do it again. Listen. Empathize. Appreciate. It’s your choice. Are you willing to do that?“ 13
When we think of falling in love it’s more based off of physical attraction. “When marriage is based on this only, the party will soon tire of each other. There is a break and a divorce, and a new, fresher physical attraction comes with another marriage, which in turn may last only until it too becomes stale. The love of which the Lord speaks is not only physical attraction, But also faith, confidence, understanding, and partnership. It is devotion and companionship, parenthood, common ideals and standards. It is cleanliness of life and sacrifice and unselfishness. This kind of love never tires or wanes. It lives on through sickness and sorrow, through prosperity and privation, through accomplishment and disappointment, through time and eternity.” Spencer W Kimball
Better to “grow into love” with a friendship that blossoms over time. 13-14
“we know that any commandment of God involves agency. We can obey or disobey, but there’s always a choice. Therefore when the Lord puts love in the command form, “thou shall love the Lord thy God with all the heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind,“ and “love thy neighbor as thy self,“ he’s not saying, I hope you fall in love with your neighbor. The command is a directive, and appeal to the mind to make a conscious choice, involving the mind and reasoning and decision making. The Savior made it clear that love was a command to be obeyed, a command upon which all the law and the prophets hang. To achieve a Christlike Love we must overcome the natural man, control natural impulses, and even love our enemies. This is a command that requires a conscious decision.
In commanding us to love, the Lord refers to something much deeper than infatuation, A love that is the most profound form of loyalty, a covenant. 15
True and mature love isn’t something into which you fall. We are responsible for making it grow, and we have the capacity through our choices and actions to build loving eternal families. True love is to be discovered as a decision. 30
“Because love is as much a verb as it is a noun, the phrase “I love you” is as much a promise of behavior and commitment as it is an expression of feeling.” 31
Agency plays a fundamental role in our relationships with one another. We must make the conscious decision that we will love our spouse and family with all our heart, soul, and mind; that we will build, not “fall into,“ strong, loving marriages and families. Remember, “don’t just pray to marry the one you love. Instead, pray to love the one you marry.“ 32
Developing Christlike attributes takes practice, just like strengthening your physical body takes practice and lifting heavier weights. 88
Catch your children in the act of being good and doing right and noticing complement. Page 109
Over protection can result in the under development of children by depriving them of opportunities to solve their own problems.… Allow your children to face the consequences of poor choices, that they may learn from their own experience to distinguish good from evil, right from wrong, and wise from foolish. Only in this way will they grow in wisdom and learn the relationship between choice and accountability. Page 116
When something upsets us, satan will tempt us to become angry…our parenting skills are not tested so much when the children are pleasant and obedient…the real test is how we respond to behavior when it is defiant, irritating, even maddening. -128
Difference between doctrines, principles and rules:
doctrines are eternal, do not change, and pertain to the eternal progression and exaltation of heavenly father sons and daughters.
Principles provide direction. Correct principles always are based upon arise from doctrines, do not change, and answer the question of ‘what?… A principal is not a behavior or specific action. Rather, principles provide basic guidelines for behavior and action.
Rules often become the default approach by unwise parents because they’re usually enforced on the spot, with immediate results. Conversely, teaching doctrine and principles requires repeated training with patience and long-suffering, with results coming in process of time. Rules without the support of underlying doctrines and principles may change behavior in the short run but usually with resentment because there is no understanding in the one whose behavior is being corrected. Rules focus on symptoms, or outward signs, rather than on the root cause which is the belief and understanding in the mind and heart. Rules try to change a person from the outside in, while doctrines go to the heart of the matter and change a person from the inside out by answering the “why”?, thus changing understanding, beliefs, and desire to repent. Page 133
It is important for parents to help children learn the art of wise decision making rather than making decisions for them. 134
I am not espousing permissiveness, nor lack of boundaries, and I have subsequently thought I should have re-taught my daughter the doctrines and principles of Sabbath day observance at that very moment so they would be fresh in her mind.(before he told her she can make her own decision about watching a particular scary movie on a Sunday) .
Jospeh F smith, “You can’t force your boys, nor your girls into heaven. You may force them to hell by using harsh means in efforts to make them good, when you yourselves are not as good as you should be. The man that will be angry at his boy, and try to correct him while he is in anger, is in the greatest fault; he is more to be pitied and more to be condemned than the child who has done wrong. You can only correct your children by love, and kindness, but Love unfeigned, by persuasion, and reason. 139
When Joseph Smith lost 116 pages he had the privileges of translating withdrawn for a time which was an appropriate discipline. 147
Gordon b hinckleys response from his father when he was on his mission and wanted to come home early: “ I have only one suggestion. Forget yourself and go to work. With love, your father“ 148
The response of a mother when her son wanted to come home from his mission in Argentina early, “if you quit your mission early you will need to stay in Argentina and find a job to earn your own airfare home, because we are not going to pay for it.“
Boundaries:
expectation and agreed-upon consequences
Agency and self judging
Doctrine and principles(for keeping a clean room/house: mine house is a house of order…let all things be done in cleanliness before me; be considerate-always leave a room cleaner than you found it. Our home is a sacred place and we keep it clean and orderly to be a more inviting place for the spirit, like the temple. There is a feeling of happiness and contentment and we take care of our things and live in a clean and orderly environment. Identify a place for everything and keep everything in its place.)
Or for curfew- cease to sleep longer than is needful, retire to thy bed early that you may not be weary, rise early that your bodies and your mind may be invigorated. The more tired we become the less resistant to temptation we are.
Count your daily blessings…quoted Henry b eyrings talk, “remember, remember”. “ as I would cast my mind over the day, I would see evidence of what God had done for one of us that I had not recognized in the busy moments of the day. As that happened, and it happened often, I realized that trying to remember had allowed God to show me what he had done… Do you remember that song we sometimes sing, count your many blessings, name them one by one, and it will surprise you what the Lord has done.“
Andy Rooney said, “For most of life, nothing wonderful happens. If you don’t enjoy getting up and working and finishing your work and sitting down to a meal with family or friends, the chances are that you’re not going to be very happy. If someone bases his happiness or unhappiness on major events like a great new job, huge amounts of money, a flawlessly happy marriage or a trip to Paris, that person isn’t going to be happy much of the time. If on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, and nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness.”-166
“Be smart — you need all the education you can get. Sacrifice a car; sacrifice anything that is needed to be sacrificed to qualify yourselves to do the work of the world.” Gordon B Hinckley 215
“If it first you don’t succeed, try, try again. “Success is going from failure to failure without any loss of enthusiasm.”- Winston Churchhill.”227
Be determined. Persevere toward difficult goals in spite of obstacles.
Synonyms: strong minded, resolute, tenacious
Antonyms: weak, yielding, undecided, wavering, easily discouraged
Mindfulness and sensitivity. Seek first to understand before being understood. It is better to suffer wrong than to do wrong. Page 236
Be a nurturer: listen and observe as others share their feelings and challenges. Empathize and validate their feelings. Encourage and assure them. Help and empower them. The savior believed in the potential of those close to Him and nourished them physically and spiritually. 241
Be calm. The Savior was not a nervous, tense, or uneasy individual. In tense situations, like the time when the sinner woman was about to be stoned, or when Peter cut off the centurions ear, the Savior acted rather than reacted. He diffused the confrontational feelings of others with wisdom and perfect poise. He was a master at illuminating tension and fear. Charity is not easily provoked.-244
“What did Jesus have as a job? He was a teacher…the gospels say so. Of some ninety times He is addressed in the four gospels, sixty times He is call ‘Rabbi’, which means teacher.”Boyd K Packer 249
Gratitude- an uplifting, exhaling attitude. People are generally happier when they have gratitude in their hearts.
Meekness- mild of temper; soft, gentle, not rough. Not easily provoked or irritated.
The virtue of self mastery and temperance. Conquering the natural man. Shunning the forbidden and avoiding excesses of good things, passions, appetites, and desires. Exercising self control over thoughts, actions, and behavior. “Can we imagine the angels or the gods not being in control of themselves in any particular? The question is of course Ludicrous.“ Kimball, The Miracle of Forgiveness
Be disciplined and temperate: remove and avoid Temptations. “And every man that striveth for the mastery is temperate in all things “1 Corinthians 9:25. “The highest achievement of spirituality is gained when we conquer the flesh.“ Spencer w Kimball. “Spirituality, our true aim, is the consciousness of victory over self and of communion with the infinite.” David O McKay
Synonyms: bridled, disciplined, controlled, restrained, moderate, abstinent, self denying.
Antonyms: overindulgent, angry, impulsive, decadent, fanatical, extreme, excessive. Pg 258
Modesty-The tendency not to talk about yourself, your achievements, or your abilities even if you are successful. Freedom from vanity or conceit. Behavior or appearance that is humble, moderate, and decent. Do not draw undue attention to yourself. Dress, groom, and behave in such a way that you would feel comfortable in the Lord‘s presence. 258
This book covered principles and Christlike attributes. Similar to one of his general conference talks of Christlike “to be”, but this time he went into a lot of detail of how to do that. All of which was very insightful and I really enjoyed. I especially liked the first couple of chapters and the second half of this book; more personal stories and ideas of things you can do in the home, and I liked the list of Christlike virtues at the end with definitions, how to be, and synonyms and antonyms for each virtue.
Here are my notes with highlights from the book.
“While the expression, fall in love, is a beautiful idiom, there are inherent risks involved in using the verb “fall”, because it could imply that love is accidental, involuntary, with no choice involved. And suddenly, the expression has also led to the use of its distressing corollary, ‘we fell out of love’, an all too common phrase heard nowadays as an excuse for a failed marriage. Falling in love and falling out of love make it seem as if love were something that cannot be controlled, in which people are being acted upon more than choosing to act.12
At a seminar someone asked Stephen R Covey (author of 7 habits of highly effective people) what he could do about his marriage because him and his wife didn’t have the same feelings For each other that they used to. Stephen R Covey replied “love her”.
The man looked puzzled. “How do you love when you don’t feel love?“the man responded.
“My friend, love is a verb. The feeling of love is the fruit of love. So love your wife. You did it once, you can do it again. Listen. Empathize. Appreciate. It’s your choice. Are you willing to do that?“ 13
When we think of falling in love it’s more based off of physical attraction. “When marriage is based on this only, the party will soon tire of each other. There is a break and a divorce, and a new, fresher physical attraction comes with another marriage, which in turn may last only until it too becomes stale. The love of which the Lord speaks is not only physical attraction, But also faith, confidence, understanding, and partnership. It is devotion and companionship, parenthood, common ideals and standards. It is cleanliness of life and sacrifice and unselfishness. This kind of love never tires or wanes. It lives on through sickness and sorrow, through prosperity and privation, through accomplishment and disappointment, through time and eternity.” Spencer W Kimball
Better to “grow into love” with a friendship that blossoms over time. 13-14
“we know that any commandment of God involves agency. We can obey or disobey, but there’s always a choice. Therefore when the Lord puts love in the command form, “thou shall love the Lord thy God with all the heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind,“ and “love thy neighbor as thy self,“ he’s not saying, I hope you fall in love with your neighbor. The command is a directive, and appeal to the mind to make a conscious choice, involving the mind and reasoning and decision making. The Savior made it clear that love was a command to be obeyed, a command upon which all the law and the prophets hang. To achieve a Christlike Love we must overcome the natural man, control natural impulses, and even love our enemies. This is a command that requires a conscious decision.
In commanding us to love, the Lord refers to something much deeper than infatuation, A love that is the most profound form of loyalty, a covenant. 15
True and mature love isn’t something into which you fall. We are responsible for making it grow, and we have the capacity through our choices and actions to build loving eternal families. True love is to be discovered as a decision. 30
“Because love is as much a verb as it is a noun, the phrase “I love you” is as much a promise of behavior and commitment as it is an expression of feeling.” 31
Agency plays a fundamental role in our relationships with one another. We must make the conscious decision that we will love our spouse and family with all our heart, soul, and mind; that we will build, not “fall into,“ strong, loving marriages and families. Remember, “don’t just pray to marry the one you love. Instead, pray to love the one you marry.“ 32
Developing Christlike attributes takes practice, just like strengthening your physical body takes practice and lifting heavier weights. 88
Catch your children in the act of being good and doing right and noticing complement. Page 109
Over protection can result in the under development of children by depriving them of opportunities to solve their own problems.… Allow your children to face the consequences of poor choices, that they may learn from their own experience to distinguish good from evil, right from wrong, and wise from foolish. Only in this way will they grow in wisdom and learn the relationship between choice and accountability. Page 116
When something upsets us, satan will tempt us to become angry…our parenting skills are not tested so much when the children are pleasant and obedient…the real test is how we respond to behavior when it is defiant, irritating, even maddening. -128
Difference between doctrines, principles and rules:
doctrines are eternal, do not change, and pertain to the eternal progression and exaltation of heavenly father sons and daughters.
Principles provide direction. Correct principles always are based upon arise from doctrines, do not change, and answer the question of ‘what?… A principal is not a behavior or specific action. Rather, principles provide basic guidelines for behavior and action.
Rules often become the default approach by unwise parents because they’re usually enforced on the spot, with immediate results. Conversely, teaching doctrine and principles requires repeated training with patience and long-suffering, with results coming in process of time. Rules without the support of underlying doctrines and principles may change behavior in the short run but usually with resentment because there is no understanding in the one whose behavior is being corrected. Rules focus on symptoms, or outward signs, rather than on the root cause which is the belief and understanding in the mind and heart. Rules try to change a person from the outside in, while doctrines go to the heart of the matter and change a person from the inside out by answering the “why”?, thus changing understanding, beliefs, and desire to repent. Page 133
It is important for parents to help children learn the art of wise decision making rather than making decisions for them. 134
I am not espousing permissiveness, nor lack of boundaries, and I have subsequently thought I should have re-taught my daughter the doctrines and principles of Sabbath day observance at that very moment so they would be fresh in her mind.(before he told her she can make her own decision about watching a particular scary movie on a Sunday) .
Jospeh F smith, “You can’t force your boys, nor your girls into heaven. You may force them to hell by using harsh means in efforts to make them good, when you yourselves are not as good as you should be. The man that will be angry at his boy, and try to correct him while he is in anger, is in the greatest fault; he is more to be pitied and more to be condemned than the child who has done wrong. You can only correct your children by love, and kindness, but Love unfeigned, by persuasion, and reason. 139
When Joseph Smith lost 116 pages he had the privileges of translating withdrawn for a time which was an appropriate discipline. 147
Gordon b hinckleys response from his father when he was on his mission and wanted to come home early: “ I have only one suggestion. Forget yourself and go to work. With love, your father“ 148
The response of a mother when her son wanted to come home from his mission in Argentina early, “if you quit your mission early you will need to stay in Argentina and find a job to earn your own airfare home, because we are not going to pay for it.“
Boundaries:
expectation and agreed-upon consequences
Agency and self judging
Doctrine and principles(for keeping a clean room/house: mine house is a house of order…let all things be done in cleanliness before me; be considerate-always leave a room cleaner than you found it. Our home is a sacred place and we keep it clean and orderly to be a more inviting place for the spirit, like the temple. There is a feeling of happiness and contentment and we take care of our things and live in a clean and orderly environment. Identify a place for everything and keep everything in its place.)
Or for curfew- cease to sleep longer than is needful, retire to thy bed early that you may not be weary, rise early that your bodies and your mind may be invigorated. The more tired we become the less resistant to temptation we are.
Count your daily blessings…quoted Henry b eyrings talk, “remember, remember”. “ as I would cast my mind over the day, I would see evidence of what God had done for one of us that I had not recognized in the busy moments of the day. As that happened, and it happened often, I realized that trying to remember had allowed God to show me what he had done… Do you remember that song we sometimes sing, count your many blessings, name them one by one, and it will surprise you what the Lord has done.“
Andy Rooney said, “For most of life, nothing wonderful happens. If you don’t enjoy getting up and working and finishing your work and sitting down to a meal with family or friends, the chances are that you’re not going to be very happy. If someone bases his happiness or unhappiness on major events like a great new job, huge amounts of money, a flawlessly happy marriage or a trip to Paris, that person isn’t going to be happy much of the time. If on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, and nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness.”-166
“Be smart — you need all the education you can get. Sacrifice a car; sacrifice anything that is needed to be sacrificed to qualify yourselves to do the work of the world.” Gordon B Hinckley 215
“If it first you don’t succeed, try, try again. “Success is going from failure to failure without any loss of enthusiasm.”- Winston Churchhill.”227
Be determined. Persevere toward difficult goals in spite of obstacles.
Synonyms: strong minded, resolute, tenacious
Antonyms: weak, yielding, undecided, wavering, easily discouraged
Mindfulness and sensitivity. Seek first to understand before being understood. It is better to suffer wrong than to do wrong. Page 236
Be a nurturer: listen and observe as others share their feelings and challenges. Empathize and validate their feelings. Encourage and assure them. Help and empower them. The savior believed in the potential of those close to Him and nourished them physically and spiritually. 241
Be calm. The Savior was not a nervous, tense, or uneasy individual. In tense situations, like the time when the sinner woman was about to be stoned, or when Peter cut off the centurions ear, the Savior acted rather than reacted. He diffused the confrontational feelings of others with wisdom and perfect poise. He was a master at illuminating tension and fear. Charity is not easily provoked.-244
“What did Jesus have as a job? He was a teacher…the gospels say so. Of some ninety times He is addressed in the four gospels, sixty times He is call ‘Rabbi’, which means teacher.”Boyd K Packer 249
Gratitude- an uplifting, exhaling attitude. People are generally happier when they have gratitude in their hearts.
Meekness- mild of temper; soft, gentle, not rough. Not easily provoked or irritated.
The virtue of self mastery and temperance. Conquering the natural man. Shunning the forbidden and avoiding excesses of good things, passions, appetites, and desires. Exercising self control over thoughts, actions, and behavior. “Can we imagine the angels or the gods not being in control of themselves in any particular? The question is of course Ludicrous.“ Kimball, The Miracle of Forgiveness
Be disciplined and temperate: remove and avoid Temptations. “And every man that striveth for the mastery is temperate in all things “1 Corinthians 9:25. “The highest achievement of spirituality is gained when we conquer the flesh.“ Spencer w Kimball. “Spirituality, our true aim, is the consciousness of victory over self and of communion with the infinite.” David O McKay
Synonyms: bridled, disciplined, controlled, restrained, moderate, abstinent, self denying.
Antonyms: overindulgent, angry, impulsive, decadent, fanatical, extreme, excessive. Pg 258
Modesty-The tendency not to talk about yourself, your achievements, or your abilities even if you are successful. Freedom from vanity or conceit. Behavior or appearance that is humble, moderate, and decent. Do not draw undue attention to yourself. Dress, groom, and behave in such a way that you would feel comfortable in the Lord‘s presence. 258
November 7, 2021
This has some good advice in it but it is not an easy read. I really got stuck (for months) finishing reading the 100 virtues at the end.
August 25, 2015
He's not my favorite author or speaker, but I loved the chapter on doctrinal complementarity and exclusions. Balancing doctrines and principles without feeling like you're sinning somehow can be tough.
August 24, 2017
WOW. EVERY SINGLE PERSON NEEDS TO READ THIS BOOK!
September 15, 2015
I liked this book! It was a little bit different than I was expecting, but it is full of many important doctrines about the importance of agency and love at every step in life (marriage, parenting, other family relationships, friendships, etc.). Love encompasses many other virtues and gospel principles. Ultimately love is charity – the pure love of Christ, so in order to truly love we need to work and strive and pray to become like Him.
My two main takeaways:
(1) We choose how we will live and act and respond and love others.
(2) Love is all encompassing – there is more we can do each day to show greater love to everyone.
Here are a few of my favorite quotes from the book:
“I am grateful to the Lord, the true author of love (p. ix).”
“The plan of salvation is all about families (p. 1).”
“There are times when a person may want to be temporarily alone, such as in those moments set aside for prayer and meditation, but few desire to be alone long-term. It must have been frightening for Adam to contemplate the imminent separation from Eve after she partook of the forbidden fruit and would be expelled from the Garden of Eden. As hard as it may have been for Adam to say good-bye to the Garden of Eden, losing Eve would have been the real ‘paradise lost.’ Mark Twain paraphrased it beautifully: ‘Wherever Eve was, there was Eden (p. 2).’”
“Clearly neither Adam nor Eve could be without the other and still experience joy and fulfillment. In addition to the physical and emotional companionship found between husband and wife, a third kind of companionship is vital for two hearts to be knit together in everlasting love and to achieve a fullness of joy. President Henry B. Eyring taught, ‘It is only with the companionship of the Holy Ghost that we can hope to be equally yoked in a marriage free from discord. I have seen how that companionship is crucial for felicity in a marriage. The miracle of becoming one requires the help of heaven (p. 3).’”
“If we live in a world of agency, where people are to act for themselves, wouldn’t it make sense that the most important decision made in mortality, that of choosing a spouse, would be our choice and not left in Cupid’s hands (p. 10)?”
“‘How do you love when you don’t feel love?’
‘My friend, love is a verb. The feeling of love is the fruit of love. So love your wife. You did it once, you can do it again. Listen. Empathize. Appreciate. It’s your choice. Are you willing to do that?’….
‘All our relationships follow the contours of life; they have ups and downs. This is why our families provide a critical measure of our character—and the opportunity, again and again to nurture it (p. 13).’”
“The love of which the Lord speaks is not only physical attraction, but also faith, confidence, understanding, and partnership. It is devotion and companionship, parenthood, common ideals and standards. It is cleanliness of life and sacrifice and unselfishness. This kind of love never tires nor wanes. It lives on through sickness and sorrow, through prosperity and privation, through accomplishment and disappointment, through time and eternity (p. 14).”
“Too many believe that love is a condition pertaining solely to the heart, something that happens to you. They disassociate love from the mind and, therefore, from agency. We know that any commandment of God involves agency. We can obey or disobey, but there is always a choice. Therefore, when the Lord puts love in the command form: ‘Thou shalt love the Lord with all they heart, and with all thy soul, and with all they mind,’ and ‘Thou shalt love they neighbor as thyself,’ He is not saying, ‘I hope you fall in love with your neighbor.’ The command is a directive, an appeal to the mind to make a conscious choice, involving the mind in reasoning and decision-making. The Savior made it clear that love was a command to be obeyed—a command upon which ‘all the law and the prophets’ hang. To achieve a Christlike love we must overcome the natural man (Mosiah 3:19), control natural impulses, and even love our enemies (Matt. 5:44). This is a commandment that requires a conscious decision (p. 15).”
“He is the one and only author of true love, the kind needed for a love story that truly has no end. He calls this love charity, and it endures ‘forever’ (Moroni 7:47) (p. 17).”
“When pride is replaced by love, fear is also eliminated, because ‘There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.’ One indication that a person is growing in the attribute of charity is their overcoming pride-induced fear (p. 27).”
“We also hide our talents through a sin of omission when we abstain from helping someone who is in need of loving correction (p. 29).”
“Because love is as much a verb as it is a noun, the phrase ‘I love you’ is as much a promise of behavior and commitment as it is an expression of feeling. When we choose to love (the verb) and decide to act by expressing and showing it, only then can the noun of love begin to blossom. That is the way faith works: ‘Ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith (p. 31).’”
“Scripturally, the Lord is very clear with us on this doctrine—you can’t ‘fall out of love,’ because love is something you decide. Agency plays a fundamental role in our relationships with one another (p 32).”
“We can increase love in our relationships, especially in our homes, by better understanding what causes contention and how to use our agency to eliminate it (p. 37).”
“Charity is a deep sense of responsibility for the temporal and spiritual welfare of another. The more we are like Jesus Christ, the less likely we are to judge unrighteously, to give up on someone, or to quit a worthy cause. We will be reluctant to blame others (p. 54).”
“Trusting in the Atonement of Jesus Christ is to trust that He will correct all injustices, restore all things lost, and mend all things broken, including hearts. He will make all things right, not leaving any detail unattended (p. 65).”
“To access the Savior’s grace and the healing power of the Atonement, the Savior requires something from both of them. The husband’s key to access the Lord’s grace is repentance. If he doesn’t repent, he cannot be forgiven by the Lord. The wife’s key to access the Lord’s grace and allow Him to heal her is forgiveness. Without forgiving, she will suffer the anguish which the Lord has already suffered in her behalf. Not forgiving denies His mercy to her (p. 73).”
“A virtuous man or woman is strong in spirit and striving to become as He is (p. 82).”
“Goal setting and planning are acts of faith. Prayerfully set goals (p. 90).”
“‘It isn’t enough to be just as good today as we were yesterday. We should be better. The Lord doesn’t deal in theories. When he says perfection is possible, we’d better be improving (Richard L. Evans, p. 93).”
“‘The person who has a strong desire to be led by the Spirit of the Lord but unwisely extends that strength to the point of desiring to be led in all things....Our Heavenly Father leaves many decisions for our personal choices (p. 95).’”
“Many of us create to do lists to remind us of things we want to accomplish. But people rarely have to be lists. Why? To dos are activities or events that can be checked off the list when done. To be, however, is never done (p. 99).”
“‘Because Christlike attributes are gifts from God and cannot be developed without His help,’ pray for those gifts in family and personal prayers. At the dinner table, occasionally talk about attributes, especially those you discovered in the scriptures earlier that morning. ‘In what way were you a good friend today? In what way did you show compassion? How did faith help you face today’s challenges? In what way were you dependable? Honest? Generous? Humble?’ There are scores of attributes in the scriptures that need to be taught and learned. It may be helpful to choose one attribute each week or month for the family to focus on and pay extra attention to (p. 106).”
“The most important way to teach to be is to be the kind of parents to our children that our Father in Heaven is to us. We must believe in them the way he believes in us. We must see their divine potential just as he does. He is the one perfect parent, and He has shared with us His parenting manual—the scriptures (p. 111).”
“In Lehi’s dream there was no handholding between parent and child, only beckoning on Lehi’s part. Beckoning is the Lord’s way: ‘Come unto me and ye shall partake of the fruit of the tree of life; yea, ye shall eat and drink of the bread and the waters of life freely’ (Alma 5:34)....The iron rod is the Lord’s way of reaching out to us while at the same time fostering our self-reliance. He provides the rod, but He doesn’t force the grasp. What a powerful doctrinal symbol of the Father’s love for His children balanced with spiritual self-reliance (p. 119)!”
“The scriptures contain many principles that display how the one perfect parent is raising His children, all of whom have been disobedient, except for One (p. 128).”
“We know that it is wiser to teach a man the art of fishing than it is to give him a fish. Likewise, it is far more important for a parent to help children learn the art of wise decision-making than it is to try to make their decisions for them, or to try to control their children’s lives with too many rules. Children will need years of practice and thousands of experiences making wise decisions to master the use of their agency (p. 134).”
“Ultimately, we are to ‘bridle all [our] passions, that [we] may be filled with love’ (Alma 38:12) (p. 140).”
“Becoming angry is a conscious choice or decision. Therefore, we can make the choice not to become angry. We choose (p. 141)!”
“‘The Lord sets His standards so that He can bless us....His standards....are high and they are unchangeable. We have no right to alter them or to ignore them (President Henry B. Eyring, p. 150).’”
“Standards begin in the home, ‘for if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?’ (1 Tim. 3:5)”
“In this book you have learned about the power of choice. You have learned that love is a choice; that anger is a choice; that Christlike virtues are choices, and so on. You have learned the power and blessings of being more responsible for choices you make. You have learned that you have far greater control over your life than you ever imagined (p. 156).”
“One of the pivotal revelations in life is to discover that we have far more control over our happiness than we sometimes think we do (p. 157).”
“‘You will be ‘as happy as [you] make [your mind] up to be (Abraham Lincoln, p. 159).’”
“There is only one plan of happiness (see Alma 42:8). In the words of Elder Neal A. Maxwell, all other options are ‘multiple-choice misery (p. 161).’”
“Women with natural smiles were more likely to be married and stay married and also more likely to experience a greater sense of personal well-being (p. 165).”
“Being grateful can help us cultivate ‘the little happiness’ as writer Ardis Whitman puts it. ‘Look forward to the beauty of the next moment, the next hour, the promise of a good meal, sleep, a book, a movie, the likelihood that tonight the stars will shine and tomorrow the sun will shine.’ As the Psalm happily reminds us, ‘This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it (p. 166).’”
“A sealing between husband and wife is the Lord’s way of making it a happily-ever-after marriage. There is no other way. The temple is the great symbol of a husband and wife being one with Him (p. 174).”
“Investments are always in people, not things. The foremost due diligence is focused on the people behind the investment (p. 187).”
Benjamin Franklin “discovered that time is the only thing you acquire by not spending money. With more time, he was available to help establish a free land where the gospel could be restored (p. 197).”
“After gaining a testimony of the restored gospel, ‘he gave away many of his possessions and reduced his business.’ The downsizing gave Brigham Young a gift of time that he could devote to building the kingdom (p. 198).”
“‘No other success can compensate for failure in the home....The poorest shack....in which love prevails over a united family is of greater value to God and future humanity than [any other riches]. In such a home God can work miracles and will work miracles....Pure hearts in a pure home are always whispering distance to Heaven (President David O. McKay, p. 200).’”
“‘If any of us are imperfect, it is our duty to pray for the gift that will make us perfect. Have I imperfections? I am full of them. What is my duty? To pray to God to give me the gifts that will correct these imperfections (President George Q. Cannon, p. 205).’”
“Virtuous women and men possess a quiet dignity and inner strength. They are confident because they are worthy to receive and be guided by the Holy Ghost (p. 210).”
The book ends with a chapter about Christlike virtues. There are 100 in the list. They are all wonderful. I was inspired to want to study and strive to live better. Here are a few that stuck out to me:
• The virtue of responsibility
• The virtue of accountability
• The virtue of understanding – be enlightened
• The virtue of simplicity – be judicious and practical
• The virtue of hope – be hopeful
• The virtue of work – be industrious
• The virtue of contentment
• The virtue of creativity – be a problem-solver
• The virtue of diligence
• The virtue of constancy – be firm and steadfast
• The virtue of valor – be valiant
• The virtue of compassion – be compassionate
• The virtue of affection – be affectionate
• The virtue of vitality – be sociable and vibrant
• The virtue of health – be fit
• The virtue of joy – be happy
• The virtue of poise and serenity – be calm
• The virtue of humility and submissiveness
• The virtue of trustworthiness – be dependable
• The virtue of modesty
My two main takeaways:
(1) We choose how we will live and act and respond and love others.
(2) Love is all encompassing – there is more we can do each day to show greater love to everyone.
Here are a few of my favorite quotes from the book:
“I am grateful to the Lord, the true author of love (p. ix).”
“The plan of salvation is all about families (p. 1).”
“There are times when a person may want to be temporarily alone, such as in those moments set aside for prayer and meditation, but few desire to be alone long-term. It must have been frightening for Adam to contemplate the imminent separation from Eve after she partook of the forbidden fruit and would be expelled from the Garden of Eden. As hard as it may have been for Adam to say good-bye to the Garden of Eden, losing Eve would have been the real ‘paradise lost.’ Mark Twain paraphrased it beautifully: ‘Wherever Eve was, there was Eden (p. 2).’”
“Clearly neither Adam nor Eve could be without the other and still experience joy and fulfillment. In addition to the physical and emotional companionship found between husband and wife, a third kind of companionship is vital for two hearts to be knit together in everlasting love and to achieve a fullness of joy. President Henry B. Eyring taught, ‘It is only with the companionship of the Holy Ghost that we can hope to be equally yoked in a marriage free from discord. I have seen how that companionship is crucial for felicity in a marriage. The miracle of becoming one requires the help of heaven (p. 3).’”
“If we live in a world of agency, where people are to act for themselves, wouldn’t it make sense that the most important decision made in mortality, that of choosing a spouse, would be our choice and not left in Cupid’s hands (p. 10)?”
“‘How do you love when you don’t feel love?’
‘My friend, love is a verb. The feeling of love is the fruit of love. So love your wife. You did it once, you can do it again. Listen. Empathize. Appreciate. It’s your choice. Are you willing to do that?’….
‘All our relationships follow the contours of life; they have ups and downs. This is why our families provide a critical measure of our character—and the opportunity, again and again to nurture it (p. 13).’”
“The love of which the Lord speaks is not only physical attraction, but also faith, confidence, understanding, and partnership. It is devotion and companionship, parenthood, common ideals and standards. It is cleanliness of life and sacrifice and unselfishness. This kind of love never tires nor wanes. It lives on through sickness and sorrow, through prosperity and privation, through accomplishment and disappointment, through time and eternity (p. 14).”
“Too many believe that love is a condition pertaining solely to the heart, something that happens to you. They disassociate love from the mind and, therefore, from agency. We know that any commandment of God involves agency. We can obey or disobey, but there is always a choice. Therefore, when the Lord puts love in the command form: ‘Thou shalt love the Lord with all they heart, and with all thy soul, and with all they mind,’ and ‘Thou shalt love they neighbor as thyself,’ He is not saying, ‘I hope you fall in love with your neighbor.’ The command is a directive, an appeal to the mind to make a conscious choice, involving the mind in reasoning and decision-making. The Savior made it clear that love was a command to be obeyed—a command upon which ‘all the law and the prophets’ hang. To achieve a Christlike love we must overcome the natural man (Mosiah 3:19), control natural impulses, and even love our enemies (Matt. 5:44). This is a commandment that requires a conscious decision (p. 15).”
“He is the one and only author of true love, the kind needed for a love story that truly has no end. He calls this love charity, and it endures ‘forever’ (Moroni 7:47) (p. 17).”
“When pride is replaced by love, fear is also eliminated, because ‘There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.’ One indication that a person is growing in the attribute of charity is their overcoming pride-induced fear (p. 27).”
“We also hide our talents through a sin of omission when we abstain from helping someone who is in need of loving correction (p. 29).”
“Because love is as much a verb as it is a noun, the phrase ‘I love you’ is as much a promise of behavior and commitment as it is an expression of feeling. When we choose to love (the verb) and decide to act by expressing and showing it, only then can the noun of love begin to blossom. That is the way faith works: ‘Ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith (p. 31).’”
“Scripturally, the Lord is very clear with us on this doctrine—you can’t ‘fall out of love,’ because love is something you decide. Agency plays a fundamental role in our relationships with one another (p 32).”
“We can increase love in our relationships, especially in our homes, by better understanding what causes contention and how to use our agency to eliminate it (p. 37).”
“Charity is a deep sense of responsibility for the temporal and spiritual welfare of another. The more we are like Jesus Christ, the less likely we are to judge unrighteously, to give up on someone, or to quit a worthy cause. We will be reluctant to blame others (p. 54).”
“Trusting in the Atonement of Jesus Christ is to trust that He will correct all injustices, restore all things lost, and mend all things broken, including hearts. He will make all things right, not leaving any detail unattended (p. 65).”
“To access the Savior’s grace and the healing power of the Atonement, the Savior requires something from both of them. The husband’s key to access the Lord’s grace is repentance. If he doesn’t repent, he cannot be forgiven by the Lord. The wife’s key to access the Lord’s grace and allow Him to heal her is forgiveness. Without forgiving, she will suffer the anguish which the Lord has already suffered in her behalf. Not forgiving denies His mercy to her (p. 73).”
“A virtuous man or woman is strong in spirit and striving to become as He is (p. 82).”
“Goal setting and planning are acts of faith. Prayerfully set goals (p. 90).”
“‘It isn’t enough to be just as good today as we were yesterday. We should be better. The Lord doesn’t deal in theories. When he says perfection is possible, we’d better be improving (Richard L. Evans, p. 93).”
“‘The person who has a strong desire to be led by the Spirit of the Lord but unwisely extends that strength to the point of desiring to be led in all things....Our Heavenly Father leaves many decisions for our personal choices (p. 95).’”
“Many of us create to do lists to remind us of things we want to accomplish. But people rarely have to be lists. Why? To dos are activities or events that can be checked off the list when done. To be, however, is never done (p. 99).”
“‘Because Christlike attributes are gifts from God and cannot be developed without His help,’ pray for those gifts in family and personal prayers. At the dinner table, occasionally talk about attributes, especially those you discovered in the scriptures earlier that morning. ‘In what way were you a good friend today? In what way did you show compassion? How did faith help you face today’s challenges? In what way were you dependable? Honest? Generous? Humble?’ There are scores of attributes in the scriptures that need to be taught and learned. It may be helpful to choose one attribute each week or month for the family to focus on and pay extra attention to (p. 106).”
“The most important way to teach to be is to be the kind of parents to our children that our Father in Heaven is to us. We must believe in them the way he believes in us. We must see their divine potential just as he does. He is the one perfect parent, and He has shared with us His parenting manual—the scriptures (p. 111).”
“In Lehi’s dream there was no handholding between parent and child, only beckoning on Lehi’s part. Beckoning is the Lord’s way: ‘Come unto me and ye shall partake of the fruit of the tree of life; yea, ye shall eat and drink of the bread and the waters of life freely’ (Alma 5:34)....The iron rod is the Lord’s way of reaching out to us while at the same time fostering our self-reliance. He provides the rod, but He doesn’t force the grasp. What a powerful doctrinal symbol of the Father’s love for His children balanced with spiritual self-reliance (p. 119)!”
“The scriptures contain many principles that display how the one perfect parent is raising His children, all of whom have been disobedient, except for One (p. 128).”
“We know that it is wiser to teach a man the art of fishing than it is to give him a fish. Likewise, it is far more important for a parent to help children learn the art of wise decision-making than it is to try to make their decisions for them, or to try to control their children’s lives with too many rules. Children will need years of practice and thousands of experiences making wise decisions to master the use of their agency (p. 134).”
“Ultimately, we are to ‘bridle all [our] passions, that [we] may be filled with love’ (Alma 38:12) (p. 140).”
“Becoming angry is a conscious choice or decision. Therefore, we can make the choice not to become angry. We choose (p. 141)!”
“‘The Lord sets His standards so that He can bless us....His standards....are high and they are unchangeable. We have no right to alter them or to ignore them (President Henry B. Eyring, p. 150).’”
“Standards begin in the home, ‘for if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?’ (1 Tim. 3:5)”
“In this book you have learned about the power of choice. You have learned that love is a choice; that anger is a choice; that Christlike virtues are choices, and so on. You have learned the power and blessings of being more responsible for choices you make. You have learned that you have far greater control over your life than you ever imagined (p. 156).”
“One of the pivotal revelations in life is to discover that we have far more control over our happiness than we sometimes think we do (p. 157).”
“‘You will be ‘as happy as [you] make [your mind] up to be (Abraham Lincoln, p. 159).’”
“There is only one plan of happiness (see Alma 42:8). In the words of Elder Neal A. Maxwell, all other options are ‘multiple-choice misery (p. 161).’”
“Women with natural smiles were more likely to be married and stay married and also more likely to experience a greater sense of personal well-being (p. 165).”
“Being grateful can help us cultivate ‘the little happiness’ as writer Ardis Whitman puts it. ‘Look forward to the beauty of the next moment, the next hour, the promise of a good meal, sleep, a book, a movie, the likelihood that tonight the stars will shine and tomorrow the sun will shine.’ As the Psalm happily reminds us, ‘This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it (p. 166).’”
“A sealing between husband and wife is the Lord’s way of making it a happily-ever-after marriage. There is no other way. The temple is the great symbol of a husband and wife being one with Him (p. 174).”
“Investments are always in people, not things. The foremost due diligence is focused on the people behind the investment (p. 187).”
Benjamin Franklin “discovered that time is the only thing you acquire by not spending money. With more time, he was available to help establish a free land where the gospel could be restored (p. 197).”
“After gaining a testimony of the restored gospel, ‘he gave away many of his possessions and reduced his business.’ The downsizing gave Brigham Young a gift of time that he could devote to building the kingdom (p. 198).”
“‘No other success can compensate for failure in the home....The poorest shack....in which love prevails over a united family is of greater value to God and future humanity than [any other riches]. In such a home God can work miracles and will work miracles....Pure hearts in a pure home are always whispering distance to Heaven (President David O. McKay, p. 200).’”
“‘If any of us are imperfect, it is our duty to pray for the gift that will make us perfect. Have I imperfections? I am full of them. What is my duty? To pray to God to give me the gifts that will correct these imperfections (President George Q. Cannon, p. 205).’”
“Virtuous women and men possess a quiet dignity and inner strength. They are confident because they are worthy to receive and be guided by the Holy Ghost (p. 210).”
The book ends with a chapter about Christlike virtues. There are 100 in the list. They are all wonderful. I was inspired to want to study and strive to live better. Here are a few that stuck out to me:
• The virtue of responsibility
• The virtue of accountability
• The virtue of understanding – be enlightened
• The virtue of simplicity – be judicious and practical
• The virtue of hope – be hopeful
• The virtue of work – be industrious
• The virtue of contentment
• The virtue of creativity – be a problem-solver
• The virtue of diligence
• The virtue of constancy – be firm and steadfast
• The virtue of valor – be valiant
• The virtue of compassion – be compassionate
• The virtue of affection – be affectionate
• The virtue of vitality – be sociable and vibrant
• The virtue of health – be fit
• The virtue of joy – be happy
• The virtue of poise and serenity – be calm
• The virtue of humility and submissiveness
• The virtue of trustworthiness – be dependable
• The virtue of modesty
January 11, 2020
I gave this book 5 stars because the first two chapters were THAT good. If someone didn’t have a lot of time on their hands, I’d say they could skip chapters 3-5 and finish the final two. If someone REALLY was short on time, I’d say you could even skip the last two without missing the essence of the book. But I’d recommend the first two chapters to all my friends. Some of the best marriage and family advice out there. Scratch that, the first two chapters have some of the best advice for any relationship you can think of out there.
March 24, 2017
"Love is a Choice" is a great book about how to make your marriage and family stronger through the example of Jesus Christ. This book talks about how we can turn love into an action and make ourselves a better spouse and/or parent through different situations that commonly take place in a family. Robbins uses scriptural references to help back up his counsel. Currently, I don't have children so it was difficult to relate to some of the content in the book. However, this book will be a great reference for later.
March 16, 2017
Sometimes the way an author words something makes the concept finally click. Oh! Obviously! When you state it that way! This book helped do that for me.
I loved the reference charts. I purchased a copy after returning my library reading copy just so I can have frequent access to study the charts.
I loved the reference charts. I purchased a copy after returning my library reading copy just so I can have frequent access to study the charts.
May 17, 2020
As a newlywed (2+ years), I found a lot of great advice and counsel for married couples in this book. Elder Robbins knows what he is talking about with chapters on unity, budgeting, following Christlike virtues, and more and shares real-life examples from his own experience. I especially found the chapter titled “Love and 100% Responsibility” to be particularly insightful and helpful.
October 29, 2020
Overall a good book to tie spiritual and doctrinal points into living a better relational life. The only part I didn’t like was occasionally the author used doctrine to justify cultural interpretations - that is, stating a doctrine and then using a cultural example as a way to live said doctrine. For some, this may not be a big deal, but I thought I should mention it anyway.
September 5, 2022
This book took me forever to read - not because it wasn't good, but because 1) I read the hardcopy and I do most of my reading in 5-10 minute chunks on the kindle app on my phone and 2) I felt the need to take notes and document all the good stuff in a word document (which isn't finished.) Good information on relationships, responsibility, parenting
December 24, 2018
We read this book together and it is a fantastic way to consider communicating, sharing finances, teaching children, and learning how to be like Christ. We will use this as our FHE manual for a while as well.
February 14, 2018
Worth reading for the anti-responsibility list alone. Also see his BYU Devotional called “Be 100 Percent Responsible.”
February 21, 2018
This book was given to me a few years ago but I finally took the time to read it. It is a wonderful book well worth the time to read and study. I will be referring to this book often.
March 26, 2019
This was a great book about learning to love more as the Savior does. As we do that we in turn love others more easily including and most importantly our Families.
October 23, 2019
Some truly insightful principles and stories, and the section at the end with the virtues made for a good study/reflection tool.
February 8, 2020
Great read. I enjoyed it. Read it on Sunday afternoons.
December 23, 2021
A lot of incisive and profound insights. But also a bit unwieldy at times. I would have appreciated a sharper focus on the key points.
February 27, 2023
This book focused mostly on becoming more Christlike...not only in marriages, but in families and as individuals. I loved all of the scriptures and quotes he used to back up the ideas presented.
August 2, 2023
Some great insights.
September 12, 2023
There was a lot of practical advise in this book that really helped me. I will reference it for years, I am sure!
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