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Knights without Armor: A Practical Guide for Men in Quest of Masculine Soul
Explore's the meaning of being a man today and addresses fathers and sons, mothers and sons, addiction and recovery, grief, work and workaholism, male friendship, men's rights, new rites of passage, and much more
292 pages, Paperback
First published March 1, 1991
4 people are currently reading
53 people want to read
About the author
Aaron R. Kipnis
5 books2 followersDr. Aaron Kipnis is a licensed clinical psychologist with a private practice in Santa Monica, California. He has worked with a broad spectrum of clients—from individuals and families in the upper 1 percent of the economy to those living on a dollar a day in the poorest regions of India. Since 1997, he has been a full-time psychology professor at Pacifica Graduate Institute in Santa Barbara County. His classes include a popular course on the deep psychology of Money. Dr. Kipnis has written five books, many book chapters and articles, a produced play, an award winning documentary film, and a screenplay. He has been an expert witness in court proceedings and a consultant to educational, mental health, corporate, and governmental organizations. Aaron is often featured on national news media, as a keynote speaker for professional conferences, and periodically offers Midas Complex workshops around the country. He lives in Topanga Canyon, California with his wife and two children.
For more information or contact with the author please visit http://www.aaronkipnis.com
For more information or contact with the author please visit http://www.aaronkipnis.com
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June 12, 2025
PSYCHOLOGICAL INSIGHTS INTO MEN SEEKING TO KNOW THEMSELVES
Aaron Kipnis is a psychologist who taught at Pacifica Graduate Institute for 17 years. He wrote in the Introduction to this 1991 book, “This is a book for men and the women who care about them. It has developed from my work with male clients and my dialogues with thousands of men over the past two decades. I’ve tried to take a hard look at the cultural illusions that underlie many of our dysfunctional beliefs about the basic nature of masculinity. I’ve also tried to present a new vision that is more life-supporting for men and applicable to the challenges presented by a new millennium. In this task I have been encouraged and nourished by many men in the equal-rights, recovery, and mythopoetic wings of the men’s movement. I have also been blessed with the support of many visionary women who are attempting to work with men in alliance…
“This work attempts to bring compassionate understanding to men. Men who feel that something is wrong with their role in the social order, who feel angry, frustrated, or confused about what it means to be a man today, who feel trapped or disappointed and wish for more happiness and fulfilment in their lives, who feel hopeful and long for more magic, love, and beauty---these men will find solidarity with the multitude of male voices that are raised in the following pages.” (Pg. 1)
He continues, “For most men, admitting that we have problems betrays our masculine self-image as problem-solvers. A ruined career, broken marriage, heart attack, car accident, work injury, or other serious loss is often the shock that brings a man face-to-face with his real limitations. By then, it is often, sadly, too late. Most men are caught in a painful double bind that prevents them from seeking help from other men because it is humiliating for them even to admit they need help. That is why I have written this book. It provides an opportunity for us to think about these issues together in the privacy of the written page. If at the end of this reading you want to connect to a world of men who are aiding one another during the radical transformation of our culture, the opportunity will be there. You are not alone…
“This book is also for women who want to understand what men are like inside, how they really are different from women, and what their struggles are at this time in the evolution of Western culture. I hope women who want to improve relationships with the men in their lives and hold a vision of a society with genuine gender equality and partnership will find insight here into the dynamics that separate the sexes and continue to wound them. I think women who continue to view themselves as victims of male dominance, who blame men, and who are invested in the belief that men are vastly more privileged than they are will have their perspective significantly challenged.” (Pg. 2)
He says of his own men’s group, “We saw, in time, that our substance abuse was actually only a superficial problem. So what was the real problem? The answer: every one of us had attempted to live his life as some type of masculine hero. We had all, in various ways, attempted to extend ourselves beyond the natural limits of our bodies, hearts, and minds in an attempt to achieve some ideal of manhood and productivity. In fact, we had been indoctrinated, from a variety of sources, to believe that this heroic ideal was our sole role and purpose as men.” (Pg. 15)
He acknowledges, “Many of us welcome most of the changes that the women’s movement is making. By encouraging women to become more self-reliant and self-sufficient, the women’s movement paves the rough and pitted road to men’s liberation as well. Ultimately, I hope both these wings of freedom and social justice will beat in synchrony. Until that time men must begin to support one another in claiming their rights wherever they are abridged, while simultaneously supporting the rights of women---to the degree that they do not inequitably discriminate against men. We cannot make compensation for the sins of our fathers by marring ourselves… Many of the wounds of men have been self-inflicted. Others have been created by the neglect, abuse, ignorance, or indifference of other men. Yet as we examine these wounds we find that some of them are also caused by women. These often leave a different sort of mark upon us.” (Pg. 59)
He notes, “Many men feel wounded by the unrelenting wrath of the new matriarchy. During the last few decades, according to the poet Robert Bly, women have been expressing ‘forty generations of repressed rage.’ This is often more than any single man can face.” (Pg. 67)
He explains, “When I refer to ‘feminized’ men, I do not mean feminine, limp-wristed, or hip-wriggling men. Feminization is largely a product of women’s attempts to modify or control men’s thinking and behavior. There have been other influences in this feminization. Urbanization has disconnected men from their traditional earthly masculinity. The absence of the father in the post-industrial home also has aggravated the feminization of men. Men have lost touch with masculine soul and forgotten how to initiate their sons into masculine depth. Many boys have grown up almost exclusively in the domestic domain of women. Others, repulsed by the excesses of men in power, have thrown off the heroic-male characteristics of previous generations in search of a model of masculinity that is more in accord with nature and women.” (Pg. 77-78)
He clarifies, “This book is not about becoming a sensitive New Age guy [SNAG]. In order to meet the challenges ahead, a complete reimagining of ourselves as men is required. We need our physical prowess and our rational, inquiring minds intact, our sensitivity and emotional bodies healthy and vital, our spirituality awakened, our souls integrated with the rest of our being, our creativity and wild magic flowing. We need these gifts so that we can meet the challenges of overpopulation, global pollution, spiraling violence, hunger, drug abuse, disease, and political repression… We must change because our lives are unfulfilled, limited, constrained, and circumscribed by restrictive role models of masculinity that don’t work for anyone. We must change our hearts and minds. If we don’t catch up to the changes that have occurred in the world around us, we may not survive---individually as men, collectively as a society…” (Pg. 84-85)
He admits, “There’s a lot of talk about initiation in the men’s movement today, but not much information…. What does seem clear, however, is that throughout the ages young men have gone through some rites of passage that let them know they’re men. These rites have also connected young men with to the depth of the masculine soul, the spirit of nature, and the community as a whole---something NONE of us had experienced in our youth.” (Pg. 164)
He adds, “It’s the lack of male initiation that may account for some of the life-negating forces in Western culture, which are now no longer merely subduing the earth, but destroying it.” (Pg. 173)
He says of his men’s group again, “For several years the ‘knights’ have been continuously affirming our worth as men to one another. That alone reduces our dependency on women. Our perspective is that relationships complement, enhance, and enrich our lives. But they do not MAKE us whole. Wholeness is something that emerges through contact with our own essential nature.” (Pg. 184)
He suggests, “Fear of competition keeps men apart. We’re afraid to be vulnerable to someone who later may use our weakness to his advantage. So we’re always hiding our soft spot. How then do we expose our wounds and receive healing from one another?... Today, can we compete in ways that make each other stronger?” (Pg. 196)
He summarizes, “we’ve taken a new look at the stages of development in a man’s life: childhood, initiation, love, work, sacred dreams, the quest for soul, and aging. This is so that we, our sons, and our fathers can find a context in which to bless the development of one another’s souls.” (Pg. 223)
This book will be of keen interest to men involved in men’s groups, the mythopoetic men’s movement, and more.
Aaron Kipnis is a psychologist who taught at Pacifica Graduate Institute for 17 years. He wrote in the Introduction to this 1991 book, “This is a book for men and the women who care about them. It has developed from my work with male clients and my dialogues with thousands of men over the past two decades. I’ve tried to take a hard look at the cultural illusions that underlie many of our dysfunctional beliefs about the basic nature of masculinity. I’ve also tried to present a new vision that is more life-supporting for men and applicable to the challenges presented by a new millennium. In this task I have been encouraged and nourished by many men in the equal-rights, recovery, and mythopoetic wings of the men’s movement. I have also been blessed with the support of many visionary women who are attempting to work with men in alliance…
“This work attempts to bring compassionate understanding to men. Men who feel that something is wrong with their role in the social order, who feel angry, frustrated, or confused about what it means to be a man today, who feel trapped or disappointed and wish for more happiness and fulfilment in their lives, who feel hopeful and long for more magic, love, and beauty---these men will find solidarity with the multitude of male voices that are raised in the following pages.” (Pg. 1)
He continues, “For most men, admitting that we have problems betrays our masculine self-image as problem-solvers. A ruined career, broken marriage, heart attack, car accident, work injury, or other serious loss is often the shock that brings a man face-to-face with his real limitations. By then, it is often, sadly, too late. Most men are caught in a painful double bind that prevents them from seeking help from other men because it is humiliating for them even to admit they need help. That is why I have written this book. It provides an opportunity for us to think about these issues together in the privacy of the written page. If at the end of this reading you want to connect to a world of men who are aiding one another during the radical transformation of our culture, the opportunity will be there. You are not alone…
“This book is also for women who want to understand what men are like inside, how they really are different from women, and what their struggles are at this time in the evolution of Western culture. I hope women who want to improve relationships with the men in their lives and hold a vision of a society with genuine gender equality and partnership will find insight here into the dynamics that separate the sexes and continue to wound them. I think women who continue to view themselves as victims of male dominance, who blame men, and who are invested in the belief that men are vastly more privileged than they are will have their perspective significantly challenged.” (Pg. 2)
He says of his own men’s group, “We saw, in time, that our substance abuse was actually only a superficial problem. So what was the real problem? The answer: every one of us had attempted to live his life as some type of masculine hero. We had all, in various ways, attempted to extend ourselves beyond the natural limits of our bodies, hearts, and minds in an attempt to achieve some ideal of manhood and productivity. In fact, we had been indoctrinated, from a variety of sources, to believe that this heroic ideal was our sole role and purpose as men.” (Pg. 15)
He acknowledges, “Many of us welcome most of the changes that the women’s movement is making. By encouraging women to become more self-reliant and self-sufficient, the women’s movement paves the rough and pitted road to men’s liberation as well. Ultimately, I hope both these wings of freedom and social justice will beat in synchrony. Until that time men must begin to support one another in claiming their rights wherever they are abridged, while simultaneously supporting the rights of women---to the degree that they do not inequitably discriminate against men. We cannot make compensation for the sins of our fathers by marring ourselves… Many of the wounds of men have been self-inflicted. Others have been created by the neglect, abuse, ignorance, or indifference of other men. Yet as we examine these wounds we find that some of them are also caused by women. These often leave a different sort of mark upon us.” (Pg. 59)
He notes, “Many men feel wounded by the unrelenting wrath of the new matriarchy. During the last few decades, according to the poet Robert Bly, women have been expressing ‘forty generations of repressed rage.’ This is often more than any single man can face.” (Pg. 67)
He explains, “When I refer to ‘feminized’ men, I do not mean feminine, limp-wristed, or hip-wriggling men. Feminization is largely a product of women’s attempts to modify or control men’s thinking and behavior. There have been other influences in this feminization. Urbanization has disconnected men from their traditional earthly masculinity. The absence of the father in the post-industrial home also has aggravated the feminization of men. Men have lost touch with masculine soul and forgotten how to initiate their sons into masculine depth. Many boys have grown up almost exclusively in the domestic domain of women. Others, repulsed by the excesses of men in power, have thrown off the heroic-male characteristics of previous generations in search of a model of masculinity that is more in accord with nature and women.” (Pg. 77-78)
He clarifies, “This book is not about becoming a sensitive New Age guy [SNAG]. In order to meet the challenges ahead, a complete reimagining of ourselves as men is required. We need our physical prowess and our rational, inquiring minds intact, our sensitivity and emotional bodies healthy and vital, our spirituality awakened, our souls integrated with the rest of our being, our creativity and wild magic flowing. We need these gifts so that we can meet the challenges of overpopulation, global pollution, spiraling violence, hunger, drug abuse, disease, and political repression… We must change because our lives are unfulfilled, limited, constrained, and circumscribed by restrictive role models of masculinity that don’t work for anyone. We must change our hearts and minds. If we don’t catch up to the changes that have occurred in the world around us, we may not survive---individually as men, collectively as a society…” (Pg. 84-85)
He admits, “There’s a lot of talk about initiation in the men’s movement today, but not much information…. What does seem clear, however, is that throughout the ages young men have gone through some rites of passage that let them know they’re men. These rites have also connected young men with to the depth of the masculine soul, the spirit of nature, and the community as a whole---something NONE of us had experienced in our youth.” (Pg. 164)
He adds, “It’s the lack of male initiation that may account for some of the life-negating forces in Western culture, which are now no longer merely subduing the earth, but destroying it.” (Pg. 173)
He says of his men’s group again, “For several years the ‘knights’ have been continuously affirming our worth as men to one another. That alone reduces our dependency on women. Our perspective is that relationships complement, enhance, and enrich our lives. But they do not MAKE us whole. Wholeness is something that emerges through contact with our own essential nature.” (Pg. 184)
He suggests, “Fear of competition keeps men apart. We’re afraid to be vulnerable to someone who later may use our weakness to his advantage. So we’re always hiding our soft spot. How then do we expose our wounds and receive healing from one another?... Today, can we compete in ways that make each other stronger?” (Pg. 196)
He summarizes, “we’ve taken a new look at the stages of development in a man’s life: childhood, initiation, love, work, sacred dreams, the quest for soul, and aging. This is so that we, our sons, and our fathers can find a context in which to bless the development of one another’s souls.” (Pg. 223)
This book will be of keen interest to men involved in men’s groups, the mythopoetic men’s movement, and more.
Displaying 1 of 1 review