The Jolly Regina

The Unintentional Adventures of the Bland Sisters #1

by Kara LaReau

This new series features the blandest sisters who ever embarked on a rollicking, swashbuckling, and entirely unintentional adventure

In the spirit of A Series of Unfortunate Events and the Incorrigible Children of Ashton Place series, The Unintentional Adventures of the Bland Sisters will captivate middle-grade readers looking for humor, hijinks, and a swashbuckling good time. Meet Jaundice and Kale Bland, two sisters who avoid excitement at any cost. Together, they patiently await the return of their parents, who left on an errand years ago and have never returned.

One day, the Bland sisters are kidnapped by an all-female band of pirates. They’re unwillingly swept into a high-seas romp that might just lead to solving the mystery of what happened to their parents. With whimsical illustrations and Roald Dahl–esque wit, The Unintentional Adventures of the Bland Sisters is the visually stunning, laugh-out-loud funny start to a new series for readers who are looking for an anything-but-bland adventure.

Genres: Middle Grade, Adventure, Humor, Fiction, Fantasy, Childrens, Pirates

176 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 10, 2017

About the author

Kara LaReau was born and raised in Connecticut. She received her Masters in Fine Arts in Writing, Literature, and Publishing from Emerson College in Boston, Massachusetts and later worked as an editor at Candlewick Press and at Scholastic Press. Among other celebrated titles, she edited Kate DiCamillo’s Because of Winn-Dixie, The Tale of Despereaux, The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane, and the Mercy Watson series. She is the author of picture books such as UGLY FISH, illustrated by Scott Magoon, Baby Clown, illustrated by Matthew Cordell, and Goodnight Little Monsters, illustrated by Brian Won; chapter book series Witchycakes, illustrated by Ariane Moreira and The Infamous Ratsos, illustrated by Matt Myers; and middle-grade trilogies The ZomBert Chronicles, illustrated by Ryan Andrews, and The Unintentional Adventures of the Bland Sisters, illustrated by Jen Hill.  Kara lives in Providence, Rhode Island with her husband and daughter and their cats.

Reviews

[Emily Brown · Rating 4 out of 5]

A nice little package! Like the Series of Unfortunate Events, this book is not as easy as it looks, and between the pirate slang and the old fashioned vocabulary, it might work best as a read aloud. But for precocious young readers, it tells a good yarn with humor, heart, and a touch of feminism. And the pirates illustrations reminded me of Kate Beaton!

[Tiffany Hough · Rating 4 out of 5]

You can’t go wrong with a book whose main characters are named Jaundice and Kale Bland.

[R. G. Nairam · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is definitely not as deep and/or insightful as most books I rank four stars, but I think for the kind of book it is trying to be, it succeeds very well and was quite entertaining. Unlikely to have a lifetime effect on anyone, beyond simply to enjoy reading and stories--but that's a pretty noble cause in itself.

[Kathie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jaundice and Kale are content with their life. They have their cheese sandwiches, enjoy watching grass grows, darn socks, and like to read Dr. Snoote’s Illustrated Children’s Dictionary. An unexpected knock at the door ends with the girls being kidnapped by female pirates, and forced into adventures beyond their imaginings. The question is, will the girls be able to get back home again, and will they want to?
.
The girls’ comments and reactions (they pretend to be asleep when faced with perilous situations) are absolutely hilarious, and I often felt like we would be bosom buddies with our homebody tendencies. .
With a colourful cast of characters and a wicked sense of humour, this would be an excellent read aloud for an upper elementary crowd.

[Abbi Waxman · Rating 5 out of 5]

My 9 year old daughter and I really enjoyed this book, and immediately pre-ordered the next one. The humor works for both adults and kids, and I loved the fact that the sisters are essentially introverts thrown into an adventure. They stay true to themselves, which is a great message, while also rising to the challenge. I laughed out loud many times (a pirate called Captain Anne Tenille? Yes, please) and it's a great read-aloud. Highly recommended.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

Très chouette, l'histoire de soeurs jumelles qui ne veulent vivre AUCUNE aventure ! Drôle et assez original.

[Julie J. · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5

Der Titel lässt es schon erahnen: es handelt sich um ein verrücktes, superlustiges Kinderbuch.
Die Schnarch-Schwestern Rauke und Angina verdienen sich ihren Lebensunterhalt mit dem Stopfen der Socken anderer Leute. Ihr Tagesablauf verläuft nach strikten Regeln, die sie selbst aufgestellt haben. Sie lesen sich aus einem Lexikon vor, aus welchem sie auch ihr gesamtes Wissen beziehen. Ihre Eltern sind vor langer Zeit fortgegangen, die beiden Schwestern wissen nicht, was aus ihnen geworden ist. Eines Tages werden die zwei von Piratinnen entführt, welche behaupten, ihre Eltern hätten die beiden als Austausch für eine Information angeboten. Sie sollen nun auf einem Piratenschiff arbeiten. Die beiden hecken einen Plan aus, um zu fliehen. Zeitgleich versuchen sie Informationen über ihre Eltern zu erhalten. Das Ende und der Clou der Geschichte waren unerwartet.
Die Piratinnen haben lustige Namen, sind völlig überdreht und manche leicht wahnsinnig. Von jeder einzelnen gibt es vorne im Buch auch eine Zeichnung. Das gesamte Buch ist mit Illustrationen, die jeweils eine ganze Seite schmücken, ausgestattet. Es gibt viele kurze Kapitel, wobei zu Beginn jedes Kapitels ein mehr oder minder schwieriges Wort lexikalisch aufbereitet wird, welches zeitgleich vorausdeutet, worum es im folgenden Kapitel unter anderem gehen wird.

Ein Buch zum Lachen, gefüllt mit Witz, Mut, Geschwisterliebe und Abenteuer. Dazu ist alles wunderschön und passend verpackt und gestaltet, wie man es vom Knesebeck-Verlag gewöhnt ist.

[Kid Lit Reviews · Rating 4 out of 5]

Jaundice and Kale Bland live alone, taking care of each other and their home. They darn socks to pay the bills and spend free time reading from the strange dictionary—Dr. Nathaniel Snoote’s Illustrated Children’s Dictionary—Kale carries everywhere. Day-to-day life in Dullsville never changes for these sisters, except for the day, several years ago, when their parents left and have yet to return. And then one day the doorbell rings. Who is it? “It’s a surprise,” the voice calls out. Who can resist a surprise? That was the day the sisters met their first pirate.

The Unintentional Adventures of the Bland Sisters is a new middle grade trilogy. With its short chapters and fun, fast and rakish dialogue, this series is a good choice for reluctant readers. Each chapter starts with a defined word from Kale’s dictionary. It is only fitting since the girls . . .

Originally reviewed on Kid Lit Reviews. To read the full review and see illustrations, including the cast, go to: http://bit.ly/BlandSistersBook1

[Debbi Florence · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jaundice and Kale Bland are sisters who live in Dullsville darning socks, watching the grass grow, and eating cheese sandwiches. They enjoy these things quite a bit, despite not knowing where their parents had disappeared off to for years. But one day, they are kidnapped by a band of female pirates and forced on an adventure that leads them to search for their missing parents. Full of great wit and humor, this story will enchant readers. And they will fall in love with Jaundice and Kale. I can’t wait for the next book!

[Sharni · Rating 2 out of 5]

Hmm, slightly bland? lovely premise but these girls would rather be at home darning socks, watching the grass grow, eating cheese sandwiches and reading the dictionary than off on adventures... gorgeously illustrated with some entertaining secondary characters, so I'll almost definitely be reading part 2...

[Melanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Funny and smart, this book makes kids feel like they're in on the joke. I absolutely loved this book and cannot wait to see what unintentional adventures Jaundice and Kale have next!

[Michelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

This wasn't nearly as funny as I was hoping it would be. I think the humour may have gelled with me better if the Bland sisters had had a bit more personality and were more distinct from one another (but then that would have defeated the whole conceit of their character - their name is literally Bland!) But it was cute and fun and something I would probably recommend to reluctant younger readers.

I found the setting odd and indistinct. This is a world where pirates (of the "arr matey" variety) are not out of the ordinary, but the girls reference modern technology like refrigerators - is this supposed to be set in the present? Or something more historical where these 19th century pirates wouldn't feel so out of place?

The illustrations interspersed with the text were really cute - I liked those a lot.

I might give the 2nd book a shot? I'm still not sure.

[Erin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Jaundice and Kale Bland are kidnapped by an all girl pirate crew looking for Captain Ann Tennille's treasure. Dead-eye Delilah is convinced that the sisters hold the secret to finding the treasure. Using their limited skills, the two try to figure out how to get home and what happened to their parents.

While there were some parts that I laughed at as an adult, I think a lot of the humor is going to go over the heads of the target audience. Kids aren't going to get jokes like Captain Ann's name, the all male ship called the Testostero, and Princess Kwee-Kweg. Humor that kids would get tends to be a little more crude. There was some great vocabulary and I enjoyed how attached the girls were to their dictionary. Overall though, it was a bit lacking.

[Aubrey · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 I love a good pirate book, and these female (and feminist) pirates were very fun. Kale and Jaundice make for interesting main characters, and I'm curious enough to read the next book in the series. I really struggled with the scene where the girls help Fatima confront her bullies. It comes from a good place, but it still managed to get so much wrong regarding fatphobia. All in all, though, a fun read.

[mytaakeonit · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked the tongue in cheek word play in this book! A quick read or listen.

[Steph · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love that there’s some definite snark amongst this story, and I chuckled through the entire book. Super fun audiobook! I’ll definitely order this for my second and third grade readers.

[Lori · Rating 4 out of 5]

So. Much. Fun.

[Andréa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Note: I received an ARC of this book from the publisher at ALA Midwinter 2017.

[Jessica Van Tassell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Apparently when I am falling asleep reading I somehow managed to mark that I have read this three times. Alas I read it just the once but it was still quite enjoyable. I am so happy to learn there is another book in the series.

[Adalynn Grace Ebejer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book I couldn't stop reading it◉‿◉

[Cassie Troja · Rating 4 out of 5]

We stumbled on the Bland Sisters purely on accident thanks to recommendations from Everand (formerly Scribd). These books are so fun! The stories are clean, the humor is creative and witty, and the characters are lovable. The audio productions of these are just delightful as they have accents and vocal sound effects galore. We loved these! Spoiler: I did downgrade this first book to 4 stars only because there are several scenes in which the pirates bully one of their more rotund members (but, I mean, her name is FATima…lol so the humor is still present). The Bland sisters help her though and it ends up being a sweet story.

[Julia · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was fun and quick to read.

[EmmaB · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book made me giggle. I'm guessing Ms. LaReau makes this into a series of some sort, but for now I'm going to enjoy thinking about the Bland sisters, reveling in eating oatmeal and watching grass grow, while occasionally thoughts of Capt Ann Tennille's piracy, Fatima's sea shanties, and books from the library of Port Innastorm creep into their dreams.

[Kevin W · Rating 2 out of 5]

It's a little unclear who the intended audience is and the story is a bit of a wandering narrative without any clear destination with a resolution that only sets up the sequels. The humour is very dry, though charming, as well. Not a bad start to a series, but a little opaque.

[Shaynning - Libraire Jeunesse · Rating 4 out of 5]

Voici le premier tome d'une nouvelle série de 2020, où il est question de deux soeurs on ne peut plus sages que certains qualifieraient d''ennuyeuses" embarquées bien malgré elles dans une aventure en haute mer avec un équipage de femmes pirates.

Aubépine et Clémentine Anodines vivent leur petite routine en suivant scrupuleusement leurs règles. Depuis qu'elles sont été laissées seuls par leur parents il y a quelques années, les sœurs n'ont jamais quitté la maison, ne dérogeant jamais de leur menu ( flocons d'avoir au déjeuner, sandwich au fromage au diner) reprisent des bas/chaussettes comme travail et s'adonnent à quelques activités telle que regarder pousser le gazon, contempler le papier peint, lire un dictionnaire et faire le ménage. Puis, un jour, les voilà enlevée par une pirate et embarquées sur la Reine Fougueuse peuplée de terribles femmes pirates. Vouées aux tâches ingrates, les deux sœurs apprennent que les pirates ont abandonné sur une île leurs parents, et que ceux-ci les ont offert aux pirates. Reste maintenant aux sœurs, qui ne connaissent rien du monde extérieur, à trouver le moyen de rejoindre leur parents et, si possible, de survivre d'ici là.

Je dois dire que ça me laisse toujours un peu perplexe de voir des histoires où des parents peuvent se montrer aussi incompétents qu'incohérents. Ils avaient une "bonne raison" de laisser leurs filles à Morneville, mais tout-de-même! C'était de très jeunes filles, pas moyen de laisser au moins UN parent avec elles? Pas d'école, obligées de s'occuper d'elles-même, elles offrent si peu d'humanité comme personnage. Et quelles sorte de parent offre comme cadeau à ses filles un kidnapping pour "apprendre la piraterie" et "vire des aventures"?

Mais au final, je pense que ce roman joue dans l'humour Absurde: "forme d'humour qui viole délibérément les raisons causales aboutissant à des conclusions ou des comportements illogiques (absurde) dans le but de provoquer le rire." Parce que c'est justement ce qui arrive assez souvent dans ce roman, à commencer par les sœurs en elle-même. Parfois, elles brillent par leur maturité, d'autres fois, on dirait des robots, incapables de ressentir et incapable du raisonnement logique le plus élémentaire. Elles se sont élevées avec un dictionnaire et ont la même froideur. Une chose est sur, je n'ai jamais vu de personnages jeunesse de ce genre!

J'ai vraiment aimé les pirates, toutes des femmes, certaines sympathiques d'autres cruelles et mesquines. Debois avait ma préférence, avec ses principes sur l'amitié, son look assez stylé et sa bonne nature. Grâce aussi était attachante dans son rôle de souffre-douleur sujette à moqueries en raison de son obésité. D'ailleurs, dans le roman, s'il y a bien un moment où on s'attache aux soeurs - jusque là assez froides - c'est bien quand elles se montrent bienveillante à l'endroit de Grâce, voyant le positif de son poids et non un sujet de moquerie.

J'ai beaucoup aimé la présence abondante des contre-stéréotypes, comme Dubois, qui est une bibliothécaire, les sœurs, très terre-à-terre et aimant les choses considérés "banales", la superbe Capitaine Anne, aussi belle que compétente, Princesse et ses tatous, etc. Et bien sur, c'est super d'avoir des femmes pirates pour une fois. Un roman féministe, donc.

Les petites définitions avant chaque chapitres étaient rigolotes et provenaient, sans aucune doute, du "Dictionnaire Junior illustré du professeur Nathaniel Snobinard" que trimballe Clémentine.
En somme, c'est un roman sympathique, avec des personnages un brin loufoques très joliment représentées, un humour qui tire sur l'absurde comme j'en ai vu peu, quelques beaux messages sur le respect et l'amitié, ainsi qu'un contraste évident entre la vie passionnante d'aventurier et le quotidien tranquille - limite ennuyeux - que préfèrent Aubépine et Clémentine.

Catégorisation: Roman aventure, littérature jeunesse intermédiaire, second cycle primaire, 8-9 ans
Note: 7/10

[Diane · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Ye never turn down a moment of serendipity. Eventually, no matter how bad things are, it all leads to somethin' - or someone - worth all the trouble."

The Bland Sisters spend their days darning socks, staring at wallpaper, watching grass grow and eating oatmeal ever since their parents "left quite suddenly to run an unspecified errand" and never came back. Jaundice, who is always serious, and Kale who gets feelings enjoy living in Dullsville and only occasionally wonder what has happened to their parents. Their truest friend is Dr. Nathaniel Snoote's Illustrated Children's Dictionary. What they know of life, they've learned from Dr. Snoote.

Then one day, there is a knock on their door. The Voice Behind the Door promises that she has a surprise for the Bland sisters. And so, against all the rules, the Bland sisters open the door and soon find themselves being carried off in a burlap sack. Their destination: The Jolly Regina. Their kidnapper: Deadeye Delilah, who claims she made a deal with the girls' parents and that's why the girls are now swabs.

So begins their adventure that includes a nasty first mate named Lefty and a monkey named Scurvy. A one-legged pirate named Peg, who is a former librarian and a ship's cook named Fatima, who is bullied by the crew for her appearance. But Jaundice and Kale, though in constant peril, are living a life they never could have imagined and certainly beyond the pages of Dr. Snoote. Could it be that this serendipitous journey will lead them to their parents?

Lots of word play, like Port Innastorm, Gilly Guns Island and Captain Ann Tennille, this book would be perfect for fans of Lemony Snicket, as the style is very similar.

[Katy Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars

A story about children who DON'T want adventures!

This isn't how it usually plays out - don't children in stories normally CRAVE adventure and thrill to the excitement of getting whisked away for hijinks and horseplay?

Not these two. Very normal, sedate girls, Jaundice and Kale Bland have been left alone by their parents (the less said about that the better...) and have a very simple and comfortable life, eating porridge, going about their mundane routines quite contentedly.

Until a knock at the door... and they find themselves most unwillingly on board a pirate ship staffed solely by women.

Unusual in many respects, this is a very readable tale for primary students, probably more girls than boys, but the Bland Sisters are a great pair - with overly ticklish feet, very boring habits, no wish to be anywhere but home, they are ordinary in the extreme, but still likeable and empathetic heroines.

For of course they must still rise to the ever-present challenges faced in such books, help others, foil plots.

But will their natures have changed by the end of the book? I was very happy at the authors plan for the sisters, and know that future episodes will move along with two familiar girls that readers can depend on.

It doesn't try to be too silly or quirky, but has lovely illustrations, a humorous story and some eccentric minor characters that readers will enjoy. There are a few lessons along the way.

I can see this being a popular series - easy to read and memorable protagonists.

Also a beautifully produced hardback version. One for upper primary readers, ages 8-11.

With thanks to Walker books for the advance reading copy.

[Becky · Rating 3 out of 5]

-Spoiler free review-

I found this book whilst doing research for a school project, and since I want to write a story about an all-female pirate crew, I thought I’d give this a read!

Obviously it is a children’s book, so it isn’t exactly the kind of thing I want to write, but I thought the characters and general atmosphere were so fun and engaging. This book absolutely plays on stereotypes. This is quite a key part of children’s literature, because they can identify well known character tropes. The pirates in this were perhaps not as well developed as I’m used to, but well enough to be fairly enjoyable. They were indeed fierce, and didn’t play by the rules. Their voices were also fantastic; lots of ‘arr’s’ and ‘matey’s’.

But whilst the stereotypes were fun, they did get a bit much. The character names were pretty lame if you ask me. If I were a 12-year-old* reading this, I would honestly feel patronised. It’s one thing to play on pirate stereotypes to make an easy read, but the names were almost painfully unoriginal. I couldn’t tell whether they were the character’s legitimate names, or just a nickname given to them after a particular incident/ because of one of their traits. (See: Fatima. How original, giving the ‘fat character’ the name ‘Fatima’. I can’t even pretend that this was just the name the author went for, regardless of whether the character was fat or not, because I’m pretty sure Fatima is a name from South Asian cultures (correct me if I’m wrong).)

The writing style felt right for the age range it is targeted to, it was easy to read, but not too easy. I absolutely loved the format of the definitions; it was a great way to teach children some new, interesting words. The dictionary feature didn’t feel forced, as it matched the two main characters very well.

Speaking of the two main characters, they were a little too bland for my liking. I understand that they go from ordinary to extraordinary, and this makes the adventures more relatable for the readers, but I would struggle to find any child who would relate to these characters. I’m nearly an adult, and I don’t enjoy plain oatmeal. The hyperbolic blandness of Jaundice and Kale almost felt like it was trying to be funny, but it wasn’t. Perhaps an experienced adult might find the premature worldliness to be amusing, but I didn’t, and I’m not sure an 8-year-old would either.

But once these boring characters got into their adventures, it became much more engaging. There was a promise of further adventures, so I imagine that Jaundice and Kale will slowly get pulled into a much more exciting lifestyle.

Oh! And the illustrations! In short: absolutely lovely. I wish more books had illustrations, even if they were just little things at the start of chapters. This book had both detailed illustrations of the characters and cute little drawings for the definitions at the start of every chapter. They gave the book so much character; I really enjoyed them!

Overall, this was a fun and enjoyable read, but I think if it were much longer I would have become very bored. I could stick out the parts I didn’t like partly because the storyline was genuinely interesting, but partly because the chapters were so short.


*I have seen people claim this book is for 8-12 years, and others say it is for 7-9 years. After a bit of digging, I found a blog post by the author that says it is indeed 8-12, so that clears that up. I’m not sure if I find 7-9 to be a more appropriate age range though.

[Heidi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Jaundice and Kale truly live up to their names. They prefer to stay home, eat cheese sandwiches, read from a dictionary, and darn socks. They also have very specific rules to live by. But when a mysterious voice at the door promises a surprise, they violate one of their rules and open the door to a stranger. They are repaid by being kidnapped and taken to sea by pirates. This throws off Jaundice's and Kale's routine's but they have no choice but to serve as deck hands and galley servants. They discover to their surprise that the ship's captain, Delilah knows their parents. This leads them to take a huge risk, much to their own surprise, in order to, hopefully, rescue their parents. But being new to the whole thinking up and executing plans things don't go quite right. I can relate to these two girls who really aren't interested in adventure, but do manage to make some friends along the way. The very absurdity of the book is what gives the book its wry humor. An entertaining, quick read.

[Pooja Banga · Rating 2 out of 5]

This new series features the blandest sisters who ever embarked on a rollicking, swashbuckling, and entirely unintentional adventure

In the spirit of A Series of Unfortunate Events and the Incorrigible Children of Ashton Place series, The Unintentional Adventures of the Bland Sisters will captivate middle-grade readers looking for humor, hijinks, and a swashbuckling good time. Meet Jaundice and Kale Bland, two sisters who avoid excitement at any cost. Together, they patiently await the return of their parents, who left on an errand years ago and have never returned.

One day, the Bland sisters are kidnapped by an all-female band of pirates. They’re unwillingly swept into a high-seas romp that might just lead to solving the mystery of what happened to their parents. With whimsical illustrations and Roald Dahl–esque wit, The Unintentional Adventures of the Bland Sisters is the visually stunning, laugh-out-loud funny start to a new series for readers who are looking for an anything-but-bland adventure.