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Audiobook
First published January 1, 2014
"One of the joys of radio is that you don't have to dress up, you don't have to put on a costume or pretend to be someone louder, brighter and more colourful. Radio listeners don't want an act or what you think is an improved version of yourself. They like genuine people, warts 'n' all. They want you to share the real you, and on radio you can do that, in a way that television doesn't allow.
"It was like a scene from a zombie movie.
The theory is that walking backwards exercises muscles that do not ordinarily get used and increases the heart rather, making it a more energetic workout. They say a hundred steps backwards is the equivalent of a thousand forwards, which is a good job, as you're going to get wherever you're going about ten times more slowly."
"Nice boots," says Lucy. "Are they new?"
I puff out my chest like a budgerigar. "Oh yes. Aren't they smart? And do you know what? They only cost thirty quid!"
Lucy stifles a laugh. I have no idea why. "You surprise me," she says, in a voice that doesn't sound surprised at all.
Lucy's driving is so awful that it's easier if I do it. Watching her try to select a gear is like watching the little white ball decide which section it's going to fall into on the roulette wheel. Will it be fourth, fifth, possibly third? A lurch from the abused engine suggests it's second gear. Again. Always fun at 60mph.