God is Not Here

by Bill Russell Edmonds, Thomas Ricks (Foreword), Bill Nash (Introduction)

In May 2005, Lieutenant Colonel Bill Russell Edmonds of the U.S. Army Special Forces, a decorated counter-terrorism expert, was deployed to the Iraqi city of Mosul, which was boiling over. His job was to advise an Iraqi Intelligence Officer on the art of interrogations, collect intelligence, and monitor the capture and interrogation of insurgents, while applying the brakes on more extreme tactics and torture. From a makeshift basement prison, he would witness a never-ending cycle of some of the darkest things humanity could create.It was a soul crushing minefield of mutually exclusive moral mandates. Edmonds' training offered little practical guidance for the nuances of the Iraq War, so he had to draw his own red what level of torture he would tolerate and what level he would not. A year later he returned home morally and spiritually hollowed-out, with post-traumatic stress and acute moral injury. At first, he thought his distress was from the inevitable adjustment of returning home. In God Is Not Here, Edmonds has gone beyond a blood-and-body-count war memoir, revealing his emotional, psychological, and spiritual trauma—and the tortuous process of his reassembly—while providing a raw look at what happened overseas.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Military Fiction, War, Politics, Military History, Biography Memoir

305 pages, Kindle Edition

First published May 15, 2015

Reviews

[Steven Z. · Rating 5 out of 5]

In 2008, Joseph E. Stiglitz’s THE THREE TRILLION DOLLAR WAR laid out the financial cost of our war in Iraq. In the book the author speculated that the cost for our ill-advised invasion would probably be significantly more due to the long term care needs of our veterans who suffered numerous physical and psychological injuries. One area that was not really spelled out was in the realm of one’s own morality and how it might have affected our soldiers years after they fought and returned home. In Lieutenant Colonel Bill Russell Edmonds new book, GOD IS NOT DEAD the public is exposed to a new type of wound that is finally being recognized almost thirteen years after our incursion into Iraq – the “soul wound,” or “moral injuries.” Because of Edmonds’ superb new memoir we as a nation must confront the debilitating effects of such injuries. For people like Edmonds the answer to the question, “What the hell happened to me?” is not only important for his own sanity, but for the thousands of others who experience similar feelings, but are also at a loss to explain why. This paradigm is the core of Edmonds’ memoir and its conclusions, and lack of conclusions provide superb insights in dealing with the collapse of ones’ belief system and moral compass caused by his wartime service as a special operations officer dispatched to assist in implementing America’s counter insurgency strategy by overseeing the interrogation of suspected Iraqi terrorists. It was that experience that Edmonds came to believe could utterly defeat ones’ necessary moral beliefs when faced with the decisions and experiences that he was forced to make.

Edmonds’ left for Iraq in 2005 and spent an entire year working with his Iraqi counterpart, Saedi, in trying to gain information from suspected terrorists. Edmonds’ task was to apply American rules and regulations to those arrested, and the interrogation process that in many cases brought conflict with Iraqi allies. For them the confession was the key to their legal system, and it did not matter how it was obtained. In the aftermath of Abu Ghraib, the US military would not approve the type of torture techniques that the Iraqis believed would be successful. It took until 2011 while stationed in Germany for Edmonds to collapse emotionally. According to Dr. Bill Nash, the former Director of Combat and Operational Stress Control programs for the US Marine Corps it took Edmonds six years to realize how far he had fallen emotionally because of the nature of moral injuries as compared to physical ones. “Moral injuries are wounds to beliefs and secondarily, to the identity of the person holding those beliefs, inflicted by events that violently contradict them. Contradictions between expectations and reality are often not immediately apparent to the person whose brain is laboring to reconcile them…as the contradictions sink in-as they are being processed in sleep and wakefulness-cumulative stress not only continues, but it actually grows over time, as the moral war is slowly digested.” Therefore, Edmonds has been at war continuously since 2005. (16-17)

In the book Edmonds uses alternate chapters taking the reader back and forth from his year of combat in Iraq describing his experiences in 2005, with chapters that take place when he is stationed in Germany in 2011, when his emotional crisis becomes apparent, and how he copes with his feelings and emotions especially as he thinks back to the war, and how it is now affecting his wife and two daughters. Edmonds presents the reader two timelines, the first the 365 days of his deployment to Iraq, and the 30 days in which he grows aware of his personal crisis in Germany. In conveying his story he intertwines the course of the war in 2005, a year that the United States finally acknowledged that there was an insurgency and created the Iraqi Assistance Group (IAG) that Edmonds volunteered for. He would spend one year in Mosul, Iraq, “a potpourri of religions, ethnicities, and tribes seeking revenge for some long-past but not forgotten wrong…a city just waiting to boil over.” (52) An environment whereby it would be very difficult to maintain one’s moral equilibrium.

Edmonds reviews the skills and techniques that are needed to be a successful interrogator. As he tries to apply American values to an Iraqi detention prison and rein in his Iraqi counterparts from employing the types of strategies used during Saddam’s reign, he becomes frustrated and angry and questions his role and what he can accomplish during his tour of duty. Edmonds is right on when it comes to describing the war. The conclusion he reaches that Iraqis have internalized “learned helplessness” is accurate and he correctly points out that it will take a generation for the Iraqi people to do for themselves and create a secure environment. Eventually Edmonds begins to wonder why he started to care more about why the terrorists fought, and less about how to obtain their confessions. As he works with Saedi in arresting and interrogating prisoners Edmonds comes to believe that maybe his Iraqi counterpart is correct in his assumptions because if the confessions where not obtained prisoners would be released, and many would eventually return after committing other atrocities against American soldiers and Iraqi civilians, a cycle that would be repeated over and over. His internal conflict rests with his role of preventing the use of techniques that will make the streets safer. Edmonds dilemma is clear, his assignment is to provide advice on the rule of law in a lawless society and instill morality in a place devoid of human decency. He has control over people’s lives, but he no longer feels comfortable with that power.

Edmonds provides insights into his emotional state by discussing his relationship with his then girlfriend, Amy who he believes has no concept of the reality he must deal with, and soon realizes that the woman he loves may not be the person he thought she was. This is compared to his wife, Cheryl who he loves dearly, and is trying to understand what he is going through and help him. It is heart wrenching to read what Edmonds is experiencing in 2011 as he tries to deal with his past inner conflicts. The flashbacks to the torture techniques, his struggle to maintain his belief in god, his feelings about Cheryl and his daughters all tap strong emotions in the reader. Edmonds adores his family and fears he is driving them away because of his thoughts and erratic behavior. He is at a loss as to how to cope with his own fragile mindset, and wonders how he will survive.

A turning point in the narrative occurs when Edmonds forms a relationship with an insurgent. After numerous discussions with the individual, Edmonds internalizes what the Iraqi is experiencing. As Edmonds writes; ….this insurgent represents a truth I cannot escape. His words describe a belief I am starting to share: our actions over the decades, over the past years, make this war unwinnable. Have our past deeds, do our current actions, do these things unintentionally create the anger I now see in this man? Did we create this insurgent? I’m conflicted because I am starting to believe this is true, but then I am having a hard time believing that anything is true anymore.” (229-30) As Edmonds begins to recognize why this insurgent and many other Iraqis hate Americans his moral confusion is exacerbated and feeds a state of mind that at times he feels his own persona is slipping away. How Iraqis see Americans compounds Edmonds’ moral dilemma and he begins to hate seeing “the truth in their words.” (243) Once Edmonds has crossed over the line and questions his task and sees the world from the Iraqi viewpoint and internalizes it, he becomes almost totally lost emotionally and morally. Edmonds tries to cope by seeking help from the military. This exercise is useless, as he does not fit the correct “bubble” in their questionnaire.

The book concludes with a short note from Edmonds’ mother, who correctly points out that the United States government, which made the decision to send our people to fight in Iraq have totally failed them by not providing them with the proper care when they returned. GOD IS NOT HERE is a troubling journey taken by an exceptional young man who will eventually learn how to cope his conflicted emotions, however those feelings will always be a part of him.

[Kristen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this as a personal narrative, written as an attempt to recover from moral injury, not as a military indictment or anything else political. It was absolutely outstanding in this regard.

I believe in the idea that an act of creation is one of the most vital aspects of recovery, because I've lived recovery. Edmonds' creation is this story, and I hope it is healing him.

[Casey · Rating 3 out of 5]

Bill Russell Edmonds reflects on his time as a Special Forces captain training Iraqi forces from 2005 to 2006, his involvement with the torture of terrorists/insurgence, his residual emotional scars, and his resulting psychological collapse in 2011.

This is not a traditional slick war memoir. It is not a thrill ride full of dips and swoops and happy endings and white hats and smiling children accepting candy from the Americans. This is an honest and fragmented recounting of one man's struggle with the reality of war and torture and PTSD.

I think this book opens a door onto a conversation that America should be having, and isn't.

The voice here is authentic.

I do think the book, the writing, would have benefitted from a little more shaping, even if this unshaped approach does reflect the individual, it runs the risk of pushing the reader away. Is this a big deal? Not really, it's just more about craft than anything else.

[Mac McCormick III · Rating 5 out of 5]

A compelling, disturbing story and one that I've had a hard time wrapping my head around. It's hard to read about a man coming unravelled yet it's also hard to put this book down. I think all of us who have not been in Iraq or Afghanistan need to read this and take it to heart in an effort to understand what our Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, and Marines have gone through. I hope and pray that Col. Edmonds finds peace and healing.

[Tracy · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book really gives us something to think about and then perhaps more then think, what can we do?

[Eliza · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's fascinating to watch the author's evolution over the course of the book. He started off very pro-U.S. military intervention in Iraq having volunteered to be sent over, and over the course of his year in Iraq and the span of the book, he progressively starts to question if the U.S. can be successful in Iraq and if they're doing more harm than good. Eventually he realizes that U.S. actions in Iraq are directly linked to the rise of terrorists within Iraq.

"Most insurgents are motivated not because they lack employment or lack an opportunity at an education. It's a factor, but not the real reason they fight. They fight because they resent the occupation of their country by non-Muslim outsiders whom they don't understand, who are interfering, and whose motives are hidden. They fight because their lives are controlled by people who they believe disrespect their religion, culture, and women. Justified or not, I must understand this motivation."

He comes to realize that American arrogance, prejudices against Arabs and Muslims, and their unwillingness to get to know Iraqis and create friendships with them, is a huge barrier to the U.S. succeeding in their goals in Iraq. "I have become desensitized to the supremacy of our military power and sensitized to nuances of how our military power is ironically causing us to lose this war... My reaction is indicative of a drastic eye-opening and is also a very disturbing change of feeling. Is this what these Iraqis have tried to explain to me for so long? Am I becoming more like them and less like my former self?"

I appreciated that the author made a point to try to understand Islam. "It's fascinating to learn about Islam from a Muslim, a true Muslim, not the fanatics that I interrogate, and to hear his perspective about his own religion. I love to hear his perspective about Iraq, the world, about terrorists, and even about Christianity... Hashim teaches how similar, inclusive, and accepting both Islam and Christianity really are."

Once he got home from Iraq, he struggled with his mental health for years. When it finally hits a breaking point and he realizes that he need to pull himself out of this for his family, he seeks formal help through the military and is refused help. This part is absolutely heartbreaking. He has been through so much, and he tried so hard to handle it on his own. He makes the right choice and seeks professional help, only to be told that there's nothing really wrong with him, then get pushed out of his job. It's so depressing, especially considering that this occurred in 2011, at a point when the mental health implications of war were well known.

[Lisa Tiffin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well worth the read. Got to meet the author through a webex class. Amazing what he went through and the person he became through the experience. Moral injury is real and can cause a huge conflict of identity and personhood. Bill shares how this conflict changed him . . . first for ill and then for the better . . . as he struggled to match his job, experiences and choices with his morals, identity and concept of right and wrong.

[Lexi · Rating 3 out of 5]

Great insight on the mental toll of military service and the second-hand trauma endured during this time of deployment (overall and more specifically interrogations)

[Tasha · Rating 5 out of 5]

Some repetitive parts but who am I to judge what a soldier has experienced. Thanks for sharing Mr. Edmonds.

[Greg · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is an account of a soldier’s moral injury that incurred while serving as an advisor in Iraq and his subsequent struggle to understand it. Lt. Colonel Bill Russell Edmonds was assigned to advise an Iraqi intelligence officer in the interrogation and tracking of insurgents in 2005-6. He was ill prepared for this task and largely isolated from his fellow soldiers. He was essentially set adrift from the cohesion most soldiers feel in war zones as well as from his loved ones at home because of the poor means of communication that existed at his site. His breakdown came five years after returning from Iraq and seems to have been due to his inability to come to terms with a moral dilemma he experienced there.

The narrative follows two timelines: Iraq in 2005 and Germany in 2011. It is primarily an internal dialogue with few factual details. His muddled thinking is readily apparent in the narrative. This had three themes: problems with his girlfriend, Amy; torture of captive insurgents to obtain confessions; and the realization that the behavior of American troops toward Iraqis was making the insurgency worse. Edmonds concludes that the moral injury he suffered was due to a dissonance between his core moral values and the torture he witnessed there. This is difficult to assess because he only describes two incidents of torture, although it is likely that torture was highly prevalent because obtaining a confession was the key to the Iraqi legal system. Without it, captives would be released. Edmonds questions what constitutes torture and feels a dilemma between his desire to prevent insurgents from killing people and the brutal practices that were most effective at obtaining confessions. Curiously, Edmonds seems to presume all captives are guilty and the confession is just a necessary formality for sending them to prison. Also he totally ignores the abundant evidence indicating that intelligence obtained by torture is often unreliable. Indeed, it was not clear that Edmonds had much interest in obtaining intelligence at all, but just in emoving these captives from the battlefield.

It seems clear that Edmonds did experience a collapse of his belief system and moral framework while deployed in Iraq and that this moral injury was minimized by the Army. However, the source may not have been torture, but the dissonance between his self-image as a good soldier and his belief that the American conduct of the counterinsurgency was misguided and in fact making it worse. Once he began to see the American involvement in Iraq in this light Edmonds became morally lost. It seems that there were only two possible solutions for him to resolve this dilemma: either openly protest up the chain of command or leave the Army. Sadly, he did neither. It is worth noting that this type of moral dilemma was highly prevalent during the Vietnam war but then soldiers could be more honest about it because most participated in that war against their wills as opposed to Iraq where all were volunteers.

[Craig1colo · Rating 4 out of 5]

God is Not Here provides significant insight into two transitions that are common in the typical soldier engaged in a deployment in the Viet Nam and post-Viet Nam conflicts. The first is the significant transition from a euro-western culture to alternative cultures with their own unique sense of morality, law, community, and combat. The second is the deployment cycle transition from anticipation and planning for success, to enduring to completion. Each of these transitions can create challenges for the soldier and their family, and Mr. Edmonds does a great job of describing those transitions, the ambiguous nature of the decisions that must be made and the uncertain outcomes that result. The fact that there is no good resolution of the problems in these deployments is the key insight of the book.


The moral crisis he faced, and the resolution are interleaved successfully. And his descriptions of his deployment, the local people he worked with, and the enemy he faced on a daily basis provide a great window into the day-to-day life of deployment.

Read this book if you want to have a better understanding of the pressures we place American soldiers under, the challenges they face during deployment, and the moral "no win zone" we often place them in.

[peter m. dubinin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you Bill for the courage to express your experience of war and its impact on your life. Not an easy thing to do by any stretch, especially in an Army where stigma continues to mitigate against seeking help. As an Army chaplain and pastor I will use this book to assist men and women in their preparation for service in the military. As we so regularly remark in the army, you don't know what you don't know - this book will do more than any war movie to adjust expectations entering military service. You provide a measure which anyone in the military could use in order to understand the turmoil within, the consistent offering of war to humanity since Cain killed Abel.

[Ian Divertie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Right now I can't do a review of this book. Let me think about it more. Got it! I am proud of this its short and pithy and expresses both Mr. Edmonds situation and my experience there during the same time period, although I was continuously there from December 2000 to April 2009 without respite....

How Orwellian or Satanic is it when your publicly stated purpose or mission is to "help", but in reality your purpose is to psychologically abuse, torture, and humiliate, with a covert racist agenda?

[Christopher Pokorny · Rating 4 out of 5]

Edmonds is a special forces officer who chronicles his down-spiral of moral confusion in a war zone as an outsider who is indirectly supporting interrogations. A unique feature of his story is that he is not suffering combat injuries, neither is he in active combat. He is supporting interrogators, and advising them. The biggest takeaway from this book is Edmond’s showcasing the efficacy of journaling and how therapeutic it can be to those who are ready to begin their journey of healing and restoration from moral injuries.

[Stephanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author’s story hit a personal chord with me as someone who has struggled with PTSD, even though mine didn’t involve the military and his experience helped me to understand the human effects of war and those on the soldiers who sacrifice for a perceived greater good. I’m thankful for this book and the insight it has given me and I’m thankful to the author for the bravery he showed in pushing through his inner turmoil and for sharing his story. I’m hoping there will be a follow-up book one day. Definitely going to follow this author.

[Chen Hao · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was definitely a great insight into a soldier's inner world. I especially like how certain things were phrased. It invites the readers to spiral down towards a mental breakdown together with the author.

[Edward Sullivan · Rating 4 out of 5]

A powerful, provocative, brutally honest, intensely personal memoir about the moral injuries soldiers suffer in war.

[Lisa Toth · Rating 1 out of 5]

While I applaud our soldiers for their sacrifice, I did not care for this book. It seemed to be very repetitive and very vague.

[Marv · Rating 3 out of 5]

Puts a new light on the results of the war that are not often examined.

[Kaia Lynn · Rating 5 out of 5]

My uncle is the author! Can't wait to read it!