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But He Says He Loves Me: How to Avoid Being Trapped in a Manipulative Relationship
Effective and powerful, this chilling exposure of the psychology behind emotionally abusive relationships proves to be an invaluable resource for women in the dating pool or those questioning their current partnership. Identifying the traits, traps, and manipulations that abusers employ, this authoritative guide aids readers in recognizing red flags early on, allowing them to get out early and avoid further ensnarement. Utilizing a dynamic new approach, the point-of-view splits providing a complete view of the situation—with the right-hand pages offering advice and tips to allow women to recognize destructive patterns, while the left-hand pages use the alarming voice of an abuser giving advice to other men on how to take control of a woman through lies, finance, accusations, choosing her friends, and more. Counselors, police officers, legal professionals, and concerned loved ones will also benefit from this crucial information.
180 pages, Paperback
First published April 1, 2007
20 people are currently reading
147 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews
January 30, 2016
Excellent book. If you are coming out of an abusive relationship, or still in one, please take great care reading the left hand side of the book. It is very confronting. Please read the right hand side of the book first.
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February 4, 2024Giving stars to this particular books feels grotesque so I won't do it. Instead I will say this: EVERY WOMAN MUST READ THIS BOOK. This is absolutely a mandatory read to all women on earth. Most of the stuff wasn't new to me but it was nevertheless very useful to refresh my memory.
What's special about this book is that it also gives the voice to the abuser, so you can read about their point of view as well. It's chilling but incredibly important.
I can't praise this book enough. This could save lives and probably has already.
What's special about this book is that it also gives the voice to the abuser, so you can read about their point of view as well. It's chilling but incredibly important.
I can't praise this book enough. This could save lives and probably has already.
December 27, 2021
Sickening to read. But probably the most important book I have read in my life. This book can save lives. I want to get more copies to send to other distressed women I know.
June 16, 2012
*****WARNING*****
****I WOULD NOT RECOMMEND THIS BOOK TO SOMEONE ONLY JUST BECOMMING AWARE OF WHY YOU FEEL SO UNSAFE, NERVOUS,INCAPABLE OF MAKING DECISIONS, SLEEPING, EATING OR GENERALLY HAVING TROUBLE FUNCTIONING PROPERLY AT ALL. IF YOU ARE STILL WONDERING WHY YOU HAVE GAINED AN INSANE AMOUNT OF WEIGHT OR LOST IT, WHY YOU FEEL AS THOUGH YOUR BODY IS BETRAYING YOU, IF YOU ARE SUFFERING FROM ANY FORM OF ADRENAL FATIGUE/EXHAUSTION/FAILURE OR IF YOU ARE SUFFERING FROM NEW ANXIETY (relating to the relationship you are in or are trying to recover from). THIS BOOK IS TOO CONFRONTING FOR SOMEONE STILL DEALING WITH THE SHOCK & REALIZATION OF WHAT THEIR RELATIONSHIP ACTUALLY WAS...WAIT! THERE ARE MANY OTHER MORE GENTLE, LESS SPINE CHILLING BOOKS OUT THERE TO HELP YOU LOOK AFTER YOU.******
This book is really quite dangerous - it was the first book I was given in order to understand the nature of my relationship". It is written in two parts.
BOOKI ONE - TO the manipulator. This disgusted me. It is a blow by blow instruction manual on how to really psychologically destroy a woman. Why the author has done this is BEYOND my understanding. I can only imagine that it was to make women utterly petrified of men. If that was her aim, she indeed succeeded.
She recommends reading BOOK TWO FIRST. The second book is how it happens, what happens and why and what to be careful of in future. SOME of this is very helpful - MOST however, paints these men as being pychopathic monsters, who's sole purpose in life is to inflict as much pain and suffering on the woman they "love"as possible.
This book is not for me because I simply cannot comprehend that anyone other than the types of Hitler, Manson and other very horrendous characters with ""Anti Social Personality Disorders would actually think this way. I understand there ARE bad people out there (men and women)- but this book is just too much, especially in the very early days.
If it is designed to enrage a woman to the point of hating the manipulator (and possibly men in general) so that they NEVER return to the relationship - then again, I think she will have suceeded.
This kind of betrayal & violation hits you on EVERY level - mentally, emotionally, physically, sexually. It attacks your womanhgood, uses everything that is good, decent & nuturing about you - against you. You are left feeling as though it is all your fault, although you KNOW YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. It makes you question your sanity.
THIS IS A TIME WHERE YOUR HEART AND MIND NEED KINDNESS, GENTLENESS & UNDERSTANDING SUPPORT...without this, it feels as though I may never heal or recover. I am scared - irrevocably so. SELFCARE is important now and being aware of what you read (research the author's and reviews BEFORE reading the books), is a very important part of lokking after you.
I would suggest that if you need anger to motivate you - maybe take a look at this book 6-12 months after you "get out". Anytime before then, personally, for me anyways - it made me throw up (many times) and almost sent me over the edge.
****I WOULD NOT RECOMMEND THIS BOOK TO SOMEONE ONLY JUST BECOMMING AWARE OF WHY YOU FEEL SO UNSAFE, NERVOUS,INCAPABLE OF MAKING DECISIONS, SLEEPING, EATING OR GENERALLY HAVING TROUBLE FUNCTIONING PROPERLY AT ALL. IF YOU ARE STILL WONDERING WHY YOU HAVE GAINED AN INSANE AMOUNT OF WEIGHT OR LOST IT, WHY YOU FEEL AS THOUGH YOUR BODY IS BETRAYING YOU, IF YOU ARE SUFFERING FROM ANY FORM OF ADRENAL FATIGUE/EXHAUSTION/FAILURE OR IF YOU ARE SUFFERING FROM NEW ANXIETY (relating to the relationship you are in or are trying to recover from). THIS BOOK IS TOO CONFRONTING FOR SOMEONE STILL DEALING WITH THE SHOCK & REALIZATION OF WHAT THEIR RELATIONSHIP ACTUALLY WAS...WAIT! THERE ARE MANY OTHER MORE GENTLE, LESS SPINE CHILLING BOOKS OUT THERE TO HELP YOU LOOK AFTER YOU.******
This book is really quite dangerous - it was the first book I was given in order to understand the nature of my relationship". It is written in two parts.
BOOKI ONE - TO the manipulator. This disgusted me. It is a blow by blow instruction manual on how to really psychologically destroy a woman. Why the author has done this is BEYOND my understanding. I can only imagine that it was to make women utterly petrified of men. If that was her aim, she indeed succeeded.
She recommends reading BOOK TWO FIRST. The second book is how it happens, what happens and why and what to be careful of in future. SOME of this is very helpful - MOST however, paints these men as being pychopathic monsters, who's sole purpose in life is to inflict as much pain and suffering on the woman they "love"as possible.
This book is not for me because I simply cannot comprehend that anyone other than the types of Hitler, Manson and other very horrendous characters with ""Anti Social Personality Disorders would actually think this way. I understand there ARE bad people out there (men and women)- but this book is just too much, especially in the very early days.
If it is designed to enrage a woman to the point of hating the manipulator (and possibly men in general) so that they NEVER return to the relationship - then again, I think she will have suceeded.
This kind of betrayal & violation hits you on EVERY level - mentally, emotionally, physically, sexually. It attacks your womanhgood, uses everything that is good, decent & nuturing about you - against you. You are left feeling as though it is all your fault, although you KNOW YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. It makes you question your sanity.
THIS IS A TIME WHERE YOUR HEART AND MIND NEED KINDNESS, GENTLENESS & UNDERSTANDING SUPPORT...without this, it feels as though I may never heal or recover. I am scared - irrevocably so. SELFCARE is important now and being aware of what you read (research the author's and reviews BEFORE reading the books), is a very important part of lokking after you.
I would suggest that if you need anger to motivate you - maybe take a look at this book 6-12 months after you "get out". Anytime before then, personally, for me anyways - it made me throw up (many times) and almost sent me over the edge.
November 19, 2017
Read this for some research. It makes a lot of good points but some of it some of it seemed a little unnecessarily harsh. As someone who has been in a manipulative relationship I found a lot of comfort in seeing parts that talked about things that had happened to me because it made me feel less crazy. It was hard to get through because it was so real at times it kinda flashed me back, but it also affirmed what things I need to watch out for in the future. The other half of the book, “the abuser’s handbook” seemed a little redundant to me and I’m not sure how much good it really did. Also, sometimes I felt a little…attacked? Like there were parts that made me feel like I was stupid for not seeing the signs the first time which I don’t know if maybe that was just me or if it was some of the “edgy bluntness” of the writing. I give it a 3.5 stars.
October 4, 2021
I took a communications class in university about creating art and demonstrations for the purpose of activism. One lesson I retained was that intention does not always translate well with the reception. I think this book definitely enters into that gray area.
On one hand, there is a lot of interesting and possibly useful information regarding signs of domestic abuse and how to prepare for and carefully navigate such situations. On the other hand, the "flipside" version reads like an actual manual, aka "How to be an Abuser 101," and in the hands of the wrong person...well...let's just say I would be very concerned.
On one hand, there is a lot of interesting and possibly useful information regarding signs of domestic abuse and how to prepare for and carefully navigate such situations. On the other hand, the "flipside" version reads like an actual manual, aka "How to be an Abuser 101," and in the hands of the wrong person...well...let's just say I would be very concerned.
June 9, 2019
The author has no understanding of how IPV works. She fails to understand basic elements of social science that inform power relations between individuals. This is pop psychology
October 28, 2021
Sumergidos en una cultura machista no nos damos cuenta en qué momento nos vemos envueltos en el juego de la manipulación. Me encanta y me asusta, la perspectiva que le da la autora a la contraparte.
November 17, 2023
Es un excelente libro para ayudar a las mujeres a reconocer conductas características de un maltratador
February 3, 2024
Good to read for people working in FV/DV field.
January 31, 2010
I browsed through this quite quickly - the victim's manual, but not the perpetrator's. I'd say it's a very chilling account, but much more normal than you think.
In every relationship, there is a form of control and manipulation. But this book is against any form of that.
Somehow I feel it exaggerated - there is a thin line between inevitable power struggles and abusive relationships.
Yet it is very enlightening, and you tend to hold your guard up and set boundaries.
Manipulation ain't no fun.
That the book says psychopaths pick up books like that to read is even more chilling - that's why their alternate manual is meant for reading psychopaths. I ought to pick this up again.
In every relationship, there is a form of control and manipulation. But this book is against any form of that.
Somehow I feel it exaggerated - there is a thin line between inevitable power struggles and abusive relationships.
Yet it is very enlightening, and you tend to hold your guard up and set boundaries.
Manipulation ain't no fun.
That the book says psychopaths pick up books like that to read is even more chilling - that's why their alternate manual is meant for reading psychopaths. I ought to pick this up again.
April 8, 2015
Really brave, and a bold format (in print and ebook). I've recommended this over the years; I thought I should read it. It's pretty confronting, but very helpful.
August 24, 2015
I really enjoyed the sarcastic Book 1.
Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews