The Gift of Grief: Finding Peace, Transformation, and Renewed Life after Great Sorrow

by Matthew Gewirtz

Death, divorce, illness, disaster, personal loss, and financial disappointment. Crisis, tragedy, and suffering are among the most universal human experiences-and they can also be our most powerful catalysts for positive change. Rabbi Matthew D. Gewirtz offers a graceful, insightful, and inspiring education on the true meaning of how it breaks and remakes us, bringing us closer to our strongest sense of self. Based on his extensive pastoral experience helping congregants grapple with grief, Gewirtz identifies the ways we block our experience of sorrow and loss and guides us to encounter these feelings fully, with compassion and clarity, and incorporate the lessons we learn into a richer life.

 A dynamic rabbi teaches a prescriptive and enlightening approach to grieving as a vehicle for positive transformation and renewal. Presents compassionate, profound, counterintuitive guidance for working through and transcending grief on a psychological and spiritual level. Nondenominational advice from a spiritual leader, rather than a psychologist.

160 pages, Hardcover

First published April 1, 2008

Reviews

[Andrea Kessler · Rating 5 out of 5]

To Build a Better Space is an inspiring and authentic read with many pearls to take away and ponder. Rabbi Gewirtz’s journey is a beautiful look at a genuine search for meaning and for pathways to leading others to resilience, fulfillment, and community in challenging times. You will find comfort, humor, and inspiration in his words. Must read!

[Q · Rating 2 out of 5]

Gewirtz' contention is that suffering, though unwanted, unprovoked and irrational, can provide an opportunity for engaging a deeper sense of meaning and spirituality. I can believe that and I was keen to find out more, but I felt like this just went in circles without offering either practical advice or theological or philosophical clarity. For example, in the chapter entitled "Understanding the tension between ego and spirit", I couldn't find any adequate distinction between ego and spirit. In one sentence the ego is identified with the "physical, social and intellectual" world as opposed to a spiritual one; in another, relationships and ideas are identified with the spirit. It proves to be a fairly tenuous separation, because of course the ego that strives for "superficial" material gain or status is also the ego of love and imagination - the social, intellectual and even physical are part of the spiritual.

Gewirtz discusses "bittul" (annihilation or nullification, of ego, self and reality) and surrender as part of the journey in "transforming" through grief rather than just "getting through" it, but again I want to know exactly how that manifests. He says surrendering to grief is different from falling into depression, and "getting through" it is different from taking care of the practical necessities. But isn't that the struggle? Working out how to be present in your grief, but also be present for the people around you who need you; wondering if you're being self-indulgent with your feelings, wondering if you're avoiding your grief through work or just doing the needful. I could do with a little more detail here.

Regardless, two ideas here were useful for me: One is the idea that "faith = belief + doubt + action". I think that applies for all kinds of faith and commitment, not only religious. Gewirtz says "Israel" means "one who struggles with (the idea of) God", which I think is quite beautiful. The other is the idea (however ambiguous) that you can let go of everything you thought you knew, allowing grief to cancel and transform you, and bring you deeper into yourself and then out into the world. I definitely think there is truth to that, and maybe there is faith (and surrender) in not knowing the specifics or how long it takes to come out the other side. In the meantime there is a level of disengagement (before, one would hope, the transformed engagement) that I fear deeply.

[Marie · Rating 4 out of 5]

this book is not your typical grief book, which puts it out in front of most of what is out there these days. most of these books are not worth the paper they are printed on as far as really helping someone in the midst of grief find answers that are realistic and actually helpful. i would recommend it to anyone who is in the midst of grief.

[Claudine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely the best book on grieving that I've read. This rabbi is so wise but real and accessible. His philosophy on grief and the grieving process and the purpose of grief in our lives is completely un-sanctimonious and very refreshing. It helped me a great deal, and I would love to read it again if I can ever get it back from my dad.

[Jennifer Owens · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book when I was going through unexplainable grief. I just couldn’t put words to it nor could I grasp its purpose in my life . Gerwitz was my guide for how to surrender to the unexplainable. Thanks.