Gdzie ci mężczyźni?

by Philip G. Zimbardo, Nikita D. Coulombe, Małgorzata Guzowska (Translator)

Czy mianem „słabej płci” na pewno powinniśmy określać dziś kobiety? System edukacji promuje uczennice, kryzys rodziny i psychiczna nieobecność ojców pozbawia chłopców ważnego wzorca. Wirtualna rzeczywistość jest dla młodych mężczyzn substytutem relacji, pornografia nieudolnie zastępuje edukację seksualną. Czy kobiety, coraz śmielej realizujące swoje cele i osiągające sukcesy w wielu sferach życia, znajdują w dzisiejszych mężczyznach godnych siebie partnerów? Czy matki, ojcowie, partnerki, nauczyciele, i wreszcie sami mężczyźni, mogą przeciwdziałać upadkowi męskości? Gdzie ci mężczyźni to książka, którą Philip Zimbardo i Nikita Coulombe przygotowali specjalnie na rynek polski. (opis wydawnictwa)

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Sociology, Technology, Self Help, Cultural, Gender

384 pages, Paperback

First published May 7, 2015

About the author

Philip George Zimbardo was an American psychologist and a professor emeritus at Stanford University. He became known for his 1971 Stanford prison experiment, which was later criticized severely for both ethical and scientific reasons. He authored various introductory psychology textbooks for college students, and other notable works, including The Lucifer Effect, The Time Paradox, and The Time Cure. He was also the initiator and president of the Heroic Imagination Project.

Reviews

[Alexandru · Rating 5 out of 5]

Only Zimbardo can write in a way to piss off both feminists and gamers alike, in a world of snowflakes everyone is offended judging from the reviews of the book I read before beginning reading it. It seems that the vast majority of those writing bad reviews never got to the conclusive part, which is explaining rather well what should be done in this world regarding growing boys. It is hard to understand the incredible hate in the comments about a book that is rather peaceful, which is trying to find solutions to a problem.

I think the book is in a must read list for everyone raising boys these days and points out to serious problems going on around them. There is definitively a need to address the issues mentioned by the authors. Clearly the fact that Zimbardo is quite old and thus conservative can be felt in his style of writing, but it is a natural generations gap and should be treated accordingly. The fact that the authors analysed and explained these issues is great - in a world where any book about males' problems is becoming a danger to feminists - and useful, because it is giving advices how to correctly tackle the issues listed.

An interesting book that is definitively worth your time.

[Francesca · Rating 1 out of 5]

2021 Update: After recently listening to the You're Wrong About podcast episode about the Stanford Prison experiment (https://www.buzzsprout.com/1112270/69...), which I did not realize was the same Zimbardo when I originally read this book and wrote this review, I have come to the conclusion that I was way too easy on him in the review below. Don't take this guy seriously and don't engage with his work.


I picked up this book with skepticism about how much of a "meninist" stance it might take concerning the difficulties of young men in society. For starters, this may be petty, but the title rubbed me the wrong way: it’s clearly a reference to Girl, Interrupted, but they chose to use “Man” instead, even though they are talking about young men, i.e. boys. I'm glad to report that this book is not “meninist” (much), but it still has its problems.

I am incredulous at the sexist notions the authors perpetuate seemingly without irony--for example, in chapter twelve, there is an actual subsection titled, "Why Buy the Cow When You Can Have the Milk Free?" in which they quote one young man from their survey as saying "Men are as good as their women require them to be" from which the authors conclude that "easy access to sex affects men's motivation to achieve other life goals." How utterly offensive to both sexes--not only is it a breathtaking example of academically-couched slut-shaming, but it also implies that men are basically led around by their dick and can do no better unless "rewarded" by women with sex. Or when the authors dismiss the pay gap between men and women as “deceptive because it is not…men and women doing the same work,” completely ignoring that the reason female-dominated fields, like teaching, pay so much less is precisely because “women’s work” is less valuable in a sexist society. For example, in Russia, where women dominate the medical field, doctors make far less than they do in America, where the field is dominated by men.

And I don’t even know what to say about chapter thirteen, “The Rise of Women?” I am similarly speechless at the authors’ assertion that “'affirmative consent' rules on campus put young men in the position of parent (he is still expected to take all the initiative and therefore take all on all of the responsibility) and young women in the position of child (she shares none of the burden of initiation or responsibility and therefore has no accountability)” as well as their baffling assertion that “in cases of sexual assault men are seen as guilty until proven innocent yet there are zero consequences for false accusers.”

There are many examples throughout the book of the authors conflating power and privilege and making claims that men’s lack of power in some areas means that their privileges as men are moot, too many to list here. The truth, which the authors seem unwilling to admit, is that women are still hugely disadvantaged in our culture. It’s the same reason that “reverse racism” isn’t real—just as black people have centuries of being held back and oppressed to overcome in order to be on equal footing with white people, so too will women be a long time overcoming the sexism that has held them back and erased their contributions throughout history. Instead of recognizing this, the authors accuse women of wanting to have equal opportunity without equal responsibility—to “have it all”—when in reality women are pressured to “be it all”—they have to be beautiful and sexy while also having a career and raising a family, and if they eschew any of that, or fail to do any of it perfectly, they are criticized harshly for it.

I am also wholly unconvinced of the book’s major premise: that the reason young men are, in the authors' words, "shy, socially awkward, emotionally removed, and risk-adverse...unable (and unwilling) to navigate the complexities and risks inherent to real-life relationships, school, and employment" is mainly because of too much screen time, particularly with video games and online porn. It's not that I don't think that video game and/or porn addiction are a problem, but I think the authors give them far too much credit. Addiction is almost always a function of the addicted attempting to fix/self-medicate some other underlying problem in their lives, and no matter how many anecdotes the authors can trot out about totally socially "normal" young men who found themselves becoming addicted to video games or porn and losing their formerly robust ability to interact socially with others, I still think for the most part this is not the huge problem the authors make it out to be.

There is a lot of hand-wringing and head-shaking by the authors over the effects of video games and porn on young men's minds, without a lot of solid evidence to prove this is warranted--for example, at the end of chapter eleven the authors make a dire warning about kids becoming detached and losing the ability to empathize in their future lives "especially as drone technology presents itself as a deadly real-world extension of gaming technology." But this particular concern has already been demonstrated to be a false one--drone specialists who are responsible for remote bombings in the military experience the exact same level of post-traumatic stress over their work as pilots in the air who drop bombs, although drone operators get much less recognition and help with their stress. As for porn warping men’s minds, there could be a scientific case for this, but the case the authors actually make is far from a scientific one.

In fact, I'm not all that convinced that the real "problem" with young men is at all how the authors have framed it in this book. The authors attempt to emphasize the differences between men and women repeatedly and draw the conclusion that men in many ways are worse off now, but they hardly acknowledge that the sexism that affects men is the exact same sexism that has oppressed women for much of our history. The reason many men feel trapped by a narrow definition of masculinity—one that prevents them from displaying emotion or embracing their “feminine” nurturing side—is the sexist culture that creates that narrow definition and attempts to maintain it by punishing men who try to step outside of those boundaries, and their punishment is rooted deeply in misogyny. If a man who chooses a traditionally female-dominated career or role is seen as less of a man and this is a punishment, then it follows logically that being associated with the “feminine” taints men and robs them of masculinity. In other words, it robs them of power and privilege which women are locked out of from the very start. The message is "You better act like a man, or else--we'll treat you like a woman, which is the worst thing that can happen to you."

I think this is the real reason men are struggling to find their place in the modern world--after all, if the worst thing you can be is a woman, then women had all the incentive they could possibly need to try to break out of their socially prescribed sexist roles and claim new ones that were heretofore reserved for men. But for any man who wants to break out of the narrow sexist roles deemed appropriate for him, there is everything to lose, if you look at it the way our sexist culture has groomed us all to see things from birth.

There are other social problems the authors blame for young men being "adrift," such as over-reliance on illegal/prescription drugs, a lack of male role models in their early lives, and failing schools, and I believe there is truth to these observations. However, the authors provide very little in the way of actual evidence, beyond anecdotes from those they surveyed and quotes from pop-science news and magazine articles. This isn't to say that young men aren't struggling, but the problems young men face could easily be framed as problems that young women are also facing--and there are probably plenty of anecdotes you could find to back that up too. There is a whole lot of correlation pointed to here and assumed to be causation, and they basically admit in the introduction that they felt men were struggling and went out to search for evidence proving why, rather than to search for evidence that they are actually struggling in the way they claim. What’s worse, their conclusions are deeply rooted in heteronormative ways of thinking and privilege traditional heterosexual marriage as the “best” way for men and women to live and for children to be raised. They assume that people losing interest in traditional heterosexual coupling and marriage must necessarily be a bad thing, despite the overpopulation of the world, imply that homosexual couples can’t raise a child properly, and completely erase asexual and aromantic people from the equation.

Finally, the solutions proposed by the authors to the “young men problem” that they have identified are also problematic, as well as lack-luster. The male author, Phil Zimbardo, nostalgically references his personal history with sports in his youth and recommends that all young men get involved in sports in order to learn leadership and teamwork, as if this is the only appropriate way for boys to learn these skills. Couldn’t they learn them in debate club, or maybe in a competitive cooperative board gaming club? I suppose the authors want to encourage outdoor exercise, but video games like Pokemon Go include this as an element also, incentivized through the gameplay. Their recommendations for government change seem commonsensical, but in this age where Congress can’t even pass legislation that has strong bipartisan support, you may as well recommend we wave a magic wand to solve these problems. And their recommendation for women to stop practicing “no-strings-attached” sex not only smacks of slut-shaming again but also promotes the idea that sex is a transaction that men “purchase” from women through their behavior and their attributes—not only a ridiculous idea, but an incredibly harmful and dangerous one.

TL;DR – This book is a very narrow-minded, heteronormatively skewed analysis of the difficulties facing young men—and women—in the modern world. There are some things I agree with, but mostly it misses the point. We can’t get men and women to be more equal by pretending that they aren’t equally capable of controlling themselves, and of striving for excellence in whatever arena they find meaningful and fulfilling. What needs to change is the idea that men have to guard their masculinity above all else, to the detriment of their humanity, as well as the idea that this is, somehow, not a feminist concern.

[Alireza · Rating 5 out of 5]

After reading a few top reviews of this book, I decided to add my own thoughts to this polemical collection, hoping that it would be beneficial to someone.

- The book is about `male' problems. The mere fact that the purpose of this book comes as a surprise to a whole lot of people, admittedly even offensive to the agenda of a few, indicates how it has been overlooked in our society.

- The book covers issues relating to sex, relationships, the effects of playing video games, and a few more topics that the authors believe has led to the current withdrawal of some of the youth from the society. Of course, it does not imply all men will have all of these issues -- that is rarely a result of any psychological study. The authors have identified some of the factors that they believe contribute the most to the current downfall trajectory of men and they offer their best psychological explanation to the situation. As a guy, I could relate to a plenty of the observations they have made, and I utterly enjoyed reading the comments of a Psychology expert.

- Reading this book is recommended to people who do not carry a strong sense of self-righteousness. If you think you might be wrong about a few things, I'm sure you'd enjoy learning about a different perspective.

[Laura Milvy · Rating 1 out of 5]

I HATED this book. Sure he had some good observations about boys wasting their lives on the internet and the harmful effect.

He enjoyed his research on porn just a bit too much. The one lines about Porn I agree with is "Why is taking your clothes off the only way for a woman to publicly communicate self- acceptance? When we insist every woman is beautiful and encourage them to show more skin as a form of empowerment, we not only place even more emphasis on physical appearance, we devalue it." This hit the spot with me especially as I have been talking with younger woman who have been telling me it is empowering to post nude photos. YAWN. But really, why is it so hard for woman to use their brains to be empowered.

The authors sexism also rings out loud and clear. So much so that I had to write comments in the columns as a way of disputing what he said. He places much of men's decline in society, with women's success and rise.

I kept checking his credentials which continue to surprise me but maybe since he is an older man, I should not be.

All in all, his views were appalling.

[Daniel · Rating 1 out of 5]

An infamous psychologist attempts to regain his dignity with this novel, by making wildly alarmist claims about Western society primarily based on one online questionnaire.
You know, because the Internet is notorious for being entirely honest.

Third time's a charm, Zimbardo.

[Marshall · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book's premise is that men and boys are in trouble. This is a fairly controversial claim, particularly among feminists, who demand all gender-based sympathy be directed toward women. They've been very successful at this, maybe too successful. Women have increasingly outnumbered men in college for years, and the trend has yet to abate.

Unfortunately, this book fails miserably at making the case. The "symptoms" in the first part of the book are that men are viewing internet porn, playing video games, and smoking marijuana instead of working their asses off and proving themselves. The "causes" in the second part of the book are that men are viewing internet porn, playing video games, and smoking marijuana. Basically, they're slacking off and jacking off, and the reason for this is that they're slacking off and jacking off. This whole book is one big circular argument.

People have been going after pornography, masturbation, and video games for decades now. Ever since the 70's, moralists have been going crazy with court trials and parental controls, trying to get rid of pornography. It's never shown itself to be the enormous social problem moralists have wanted it to be. They thought the world would end because 16-year-olds might get their hands on a Penthouse. Now we have pre-teens with access to gigabytes of every kind of porn imaginable, and no moral collapse seems to be upon us. Then along comes Zimbardo, thinking he's hit upon some kind of epiphany here.

Video games are far more pervasive than a few decades ago. I remember in the 90's, particularly after the Columbine shooting, that video games were supposed to be the cause of this huge new generation of violent criminals. It seemed so intuitive: these kids spend hours in front of a screen, engaging in a constant barrage of intense violent encounters. It's like the perfect training simulation for criminal behavior. It made sense that they'd all become violent, but it never happened. Violence has gone down, and gamers are the least violent of all. Then along comes Zimbardo, thinking he's hit upon some epiphany here.

Marijuana has not turned out to be the moral disaster it was proclaimed to be. I grew up in the 80's, and I remember all the anti-drug campaigns. Just say no! This is your brain on drugs! Drugs, all drugs, destroy lives. Alcohol is fine, just wait till you're 21, and you're in for a treat. But stay away from marijuana and crack and cocaine and heroine (all one category). Again, marijuana has proven to be mostly harmless, and even enormously beneficial for those with chronic pain. The real disaster turned out to be the heavy handed approach the government took toward solving this non-existent problem. Then along comes Zimbardo, thinking he's hit upon some epiphany here.

He's way off the mark that pornography and masturbation cause addiction, marriage troubles, sexual deviance, and impotence. Of course you can find anecdotes to the contrary. Polling is vulnerable to many biases. To make a case, you have to conduct controlled studies, and these studies have found no significant problems caused by masturbation and pornography for most people. It does cause problems for some, but that's true for a lot of things in life. Many sex therapists find that the fear of pornography and masturbation causing problems tends to cause more problems than pornography and masturbation themselves.

This book was a bit confusing. Sometimes it talked about ways that men are being left behind and need help. Other times it seemed focused on shaming them for their piggish ways, their laziness and sexuality. Grow up and get a job you deadbeat, stop choking the chicken, it's time to man up. That sort of thing. The kind of bullshit parents have been feeding their boys since the beginning of time so they'll fight the wars, build the skyscrapers, and earn the money.

This book is disrespectful of both men and women. It portrays men as creatures who always crave the path of least resistence. By nature they do not want to be challenged, start careers, or commit to relationships. Given their druthers, they'll just spend all day goofing around and jacking off to porn. If women don't force them to man up, they never will. They portray women as slutty princesses that just want babies. They chide women for not demanding enough of men because it's more fun to fool around. It never seems to occur to the authors that maybe there are plenty of men who, aside from some flings, really are wanting a deep connection and commitment with women, or that there are plenty of women who don't want babies or even long-term relationships.

This is the kind of line that pissed me off: "If instead of requiring the 70 percent effort normally needed to initiate (and potentially maintain) a relationship with a quality woman, it only takes a man 50 percent effort, that's the amount of work he'll put in. Every time. This benefits men in the short term but the consequence is that they are seldom forced or challenged to develop their more enduring relational skills."

Here's another one that made me scream: "Your message, because you are a female, to males is that there will be a steady supply of desirable women who are actively sleeping with them. As long as a man knows he has access to new partners and hasn't already established a deeper relationship with a woman, it is in his best interests not to. And he knows this. Furthermore, it only perpetuates the access to random, no-strings-attached sex because desirable women are not being taken 'off the market' into long-term relationships."

As if all of this isn't bad enough, this book is horribly researched. It states opinions as though they're fact. The quotes above are perfect examples. All they're doing is perpetuating stereotypes (men are pigs who all want the same thing) and folk wisdom (why buy the cow when the milk is free?), without a shred of data. Much of the evidence it cites are anecdotal, and a lot of these anecdotes came from a single survey. They make a lot of spurious claims. I checked a few of their sources, and they've always turned out to be flawed. In one case, the source they cited actually debunks the claim they're making.

A real disappointment I felt about this book is that I admired Philip Zimbardo before reading it. That's the primary reason I read it. He wrote one of my favorite books, The Lucifer Effect. Even then, I was aware of his penchant for uncontrolled studies. His Stanford Prison Experiment was monumental, but it was not a controlled experiment. Still, I felt like he got the job done. This book was sad for me because I see now that he's just a bad researcher.

In some ways, I envy the boys and men growing up in today's world. Their entertainment is so much more engaging, so readily available, so easily accessible. I think back to all the decades I tried so hard to prove myself. It would have been such a relief to just not give a shit, and enjoy what technology has to offer. Technology is amazing now, violence is down, health is up, financial prosperity is up. It's not a utopia, but it kind of is the best of times.

Give men a break. Let them slack off and jack off. Men have been working way too hard for way too long. It's high time men started serving themselves instead of women and children. Let the women fight the wars, build the skyscrapers, and earn the money. It's what they say they've always wanted. Maybe some day they'll get sick of it like we have, and we can find a better balance.

[Zubr]

Takovou snůšku hloupejch řečí marně maskovanejch za domnělou odbornost jsem už hodně dlouho nečetla. Jediný smysl téhle publikace vidím v tom, že se dá použít jako učebnice argumentačních faulů. Jsou tam všechny.

Výběr několika skvělých postřehů Philipa Zimbarda jistě k četbě motivuje každého citlivého čtenáře (čtenářku spíš ne):
- ženy se ženami rodí, muž se musí mužem teprve stát a společnost mu v tom musí pomoct;
- tak to je, protože příroda;
- ženy jsou v poslední době sebevědomější a to naruší harmonii ve společnosti (to si teda vyskakujou, treperendy jedny!);
- holčičky jsou klidnější než chlapečci, méně běhají, víc čtou (opět „protože příroda“);
- holky nechtějí sex; kluci jo;
- ženské dosahují lepších akademických výsledků než muži - bijte na poplach!;
- ženské zneužívají toho, že je legální se rozvést; takže se pak rozvádějí, holky jedny neukázněný, a chudáci kluci pak mají před sebou život plný neuspokojující práce a vidinu, že budou další desítky let solit alimenty za děti, které nechtěli a téměř se s nimi nevidí; společnost tak klukům láme vaz tím, že holkám dovolila je tak snadno opouštět;
- jsou profese, ve kterých holky můžou udělat skvělou kariéru, třeba ošetřovatelství; kluky tahle kategorie zaměstnání ale nemůže uspokojit, to je samozřejmé;
- společnost ale selhává v tom, že chudáci kluci nemají možnost dosáhnout tak vysoko, jak by rádi, čili nemůže každý muž být šéfem všehomíra (už ani doma, protože pak by se s ním ta jeho ochechule emancipovaná rozvedla), protože počty volných pracovních pozic pro šéfy všehomír jsou z definice věci dost omezené;
- takže chlapci jsou pak frustrovaní a koukají na porno;
- nejsou schopni navázat intimní pouto se svou partnerkou a ta se s nimi, megera sobecká, pak rozvede.

Je hrozná škoda, že kolem sebe Zimbardo nemá víc lidí, kteří by mu vysvětlili třeba to, že i holky rády běhaj, i holky maj rády sex, feministky bojujou i za práva svobodných otců a práva otců při soudech o styk s dětmi, že se holky rozváděj s klukama dost často proto, že některý kluci jsou násilnický troubové nebo macho paka, se kterýma je život těžší než bez nich.
Taky mu mohl někdo říct, že ani v popularizačních publikacích není v pořádku opírat svoje teorie o zábavný historky á la „jedna žena nám řekla“ nebo „vzomněl jsem si na jednu veselou historku“.
Taky mu mohl něco říct, co to je (bezduchá) generalizace a proč je špatná.
Taky mu mohl někdo říct, co to je stereotypizace a proč je špatná.
Taky mu mohl někdo říct, co to je paušalizace, sloučení společnou vlastností, relativizace, násilně vynucený kompromis, falešná korelace nebo non sequitur.

Taky mohl někdo říct, že takovouhle kravinu nevydá. Nebo ji aspoň mohl někdo kloudněji přeložit.

[Matthew Selwyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Man (Dis)connected: How Technology Has Sabotaged What it Means to be Male (2015) by Philip Zimbardo and Nikita D. Coulombe is a clear-eyed appraisal of modern masculinity and how technology is accelerating the decline of men. The book follows four years after a short but provoking TED talk delivered by Zimbardo in 2011. His message to the psychology community and beyond then was simply this: hooked on a cocktail of porn, video games, and prescription drugs, young men are failing like never before, academically, socially, sexually - it’s time to do something about it. Since then research into the effects of online pornography and video games has increased, and Man (Dis)connected represents a fuller appraisal of the current situation as well as an opportunity for the authors to work through some potential solutions, something that the world-famous psychologist’s TED talk tantalisingly omitted.

Although pornography and video games are the headline news here, what lies behind this exploration of how young men are living their lives is far less to do with the technology directly, and more to do with the isolating effect it has on young men. While women - who are disposed to be more social than men, Zimbardo argues - increasingly outperform their male counterparts academically, socially, and increasingly in the work arena, young men are retreating to the isolation of their own bedrooms, where video games offer a safe and easy way to gain a sense of achievement, and pornography provides a warm embrace without the requirement to negotiate any form of social interaction. Of course, the more often guys retreat into isolation, the less opportunity they have to develop the life skills they need to succeed in the world. It is in these self-formed realities that guys’ sexual education is played out. No wonder then, that sexual failures and objectification of women are on the increase. When young men do venture out from digital sanctuaries, their concentration is wrecked from the lightning fast stimulation that video games provide and they are increasingly diagnosed with ADHD as a consequence. Not only this, but anxiety disorders are on the increase, and young men are more likely to be medicated than ever before, whether for supposed ADHD or an anxiety condition. All this is set against a picture of absent fathers, disconnected families, economic turmoil, poor health, and lack of exercise that makes up the modern world for many youngsters in the west.

It would be easy to feel despair at the state of modern masculinity when painted in these terms, but Zimbardo and Coulombe’s message is not one of hopelessness. Indeed, they see positive aspects to all of the technology they discuss and the final section of the book is reserved for the discussion of potential solutions as the authors see them, whether these be suggestions for how the media - porn and gaming included - can adapt to offer a healthier message, the government can help encourage men to take responsibility for their own lives and reach their potential in the real world, or for the men, women, and families who are affected by the new digital world to adapt to this new arena. While the authors are convinced that there is financial-incentive enough for pornography companies to produce romance-led films and move away from the dulling objectification of women, video games companies to produce more social games, and governments to produce better citizens, one is aware at all times that this has to be a financial argument as, after all, digital media is designed to appeal to men’s every desire - from lust to violence - and make money from it. Ultimately, it is the companies that profit from keeping men spellbound that will determine the shape of media going forwards.

Trying to unpick the effect of technology on modern masculinity in under three hundred pages sounds like an incredible task, and it is, but Zimbardo and Coulombe have organised Man (Dis)connected - cycling through the symptoms, causes, and solutions - into a remarkably reader-friendly series of information flashes; short, sharp, and reminiscent of the style of browsing digital media that insists information be compacted into chunks bearable to even the most addled grazer. This is a smart move, and even when the chapters become longer as the book moves towards the causes of the problems, it never becomes weighed down. Instead, it is a light and breezy trip through an area of social psychology that should be as important to the general public as it is to researchers. The digital world is ubiquitous and failure to engage with everything that stems from this can only be to the detriment of society’s shared future.

Engaged is, in fact, a perfect word for Man (Dis)connected. Undoubtedly this is helped by the extensive survey data collected by Zimbardo, which is often referred to and offers a chance for young men to have their own say on the problems that affect them. Despite being a somewhat whistle-stop tour of the issues (the pages of notes and references kept neatly to the end of the book indicate how deceptive the feeling of lightness in the main text is) there are few areas that one feels are left unaddressed in some form. Young men will recognise the landscape as described here, and for everyone else this will provide an entree into the often disturbing worlds of young men. Orwell wrote that the “power of facing” was one of the key skills of a good writer - so too for a social psychologist, and little is turned away from in Man (Dis)connected. At times, the authors appear to be pointing back to a form of masculinity now swept away as the preferable model for modern man, but aside from this and a few sentiments relating to the rise of women that might be challenged, this is as clear-eyed and on-point evaluation of modern masculinity as one could expect from what is, in essence, a popular psychology book about the plight of young, heterosexual men.

To declare a bias, Man (Dis)connected is, to my mind, the non-fiction equivalent of what I attempted to capture in fiction in my own debut novel, ****, or, The Anatomy of Melancholy (https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2...). Clearly, this makes me both the ideal reviewer and the most biased, but this seems to me a well-rounded, engaged discussion of an absolutely crucial topic for our times. Young men are starting to recognise the problems of their lifestyle, and it is time that the wider community acts on this before a generation of young men are lost entirely to the stupefying effects of the digital world.

[Ben · Rating 3 out of 5]

In Man (Dis) Connected the eminent psychologist Philip Zimbardo trains his clinical eye about what it means to be a man in the early 21st century. Young men can find out about sex through the internet, in ever more explicit ways, they can fight false wars on a computer screen, and see more and more horror exploding in the news. They are falling behind their female classmates, both academically and socially, whilst ever increasing unemployment has meant that fewer can find work in many of the older, masculine work places that their fathers and grandfathers took for granted. Computers are taking away their need to leave the house, whilst the increase in online gambling is causing more problems.

Zimbardo posits many reasons for this general malaise, from absentee fathers, the glamourisation of drugs and crime, to a general disillusionment with schools, low paid, low level jobs, and a largely unfair, and indifferent society.

Much like he did with The Lucifer Effect, Zimbardo’s previous, controversial, and abandoned project, where volunteers took on the roles of prisoners, and guards, he examines the problem from both sides. Seeing it as a world wide problem, rather than one confined to one country, or one generation, he posits that the way to improvements can be found in a multi-pronged attack, where the government, media, and local community can play a large part.

However, there is very little historical context within the book, and during the industrial revolution, the two world wars, even the market street crash of 1929, young men would have found themselves facing similar issues, it is just that they are spoken of more, and studied more these days, particular with our ever increasing reliance on computers.

The book is written in highly intelligent, but accessible language. Readers do not need to have three degrees in psychology to get the point, and there is a lot to learn from this book. The work of Zimbardo, and his research scientist Nikita S Coulombe is both vital and timely, with much to think about, not only for this generation, but for the next one, and the one after that.

[Glen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm going to call it... this is the most important book of the decade, even though it may be another 5 years before everyone catches up to Zimbardo and Coulombe and figures that out. Men are failing across the board, boys have no decent male role models, and there's no male equivalent of the feminist movement to help them along. Anyone in education or raising children should read this, and libraries should add it to their collections.

[Joe · Rating 2 out of 5]

Had to dismiss this book after I discovered how ridiculous Zimbardo's (or possibly his co-writer's?) views on the role of women are. Spoiler: "if women stopped reading Cosmopolitan and Teen Vogue and started reading Forbes and The Economist instead, women would be earning as much as men, if not more!"
So technically I haven't 'read' this book, but I've read as much as I'm going to.

[India Jade · Rating 1 out of 5]

I read ten pages and spewed in my mouth

[weronika · Rating 2 out of 5]

Sporo ciekawych faktów, mniej ciekawych opinii

[Kareem Adawy · Rating 3 out of 5]

هل تعلم إن في آخر عشرين سنة، الاناث بيتفوقوا على الذكور في كل السنين الدراسية من اولي ابتدائي لآخر سنة في الجامعة بنسبة 10%؟ طب هل تعلم إن عدد الاناث اللي بيكملوا تعليم اكاديمي على مستوى العالم بقى أكتر من الذكور بنسبة 30%؟ طب هل تعلم إن الباحثين بيتوقعوا إن بعد 15-10 سنة مش هيبقى فيه ذكور في الجامعات وكلهم هيسيبوا التعليم بعد ثانوي ... إيييه اللي بيحصل؟

الكتاب بيناقش the demise of guys او نهاية الذكور الشباب، وفيه تخوف كبير في امريكا من تحول شبابهم لنسخة من شباب الصين اللي زهدوا في الحياة الاجتماعية والعاطفية والجنسية لدرجة إن 40% من الزيجات في الصين مفيش بينهم علاقة حميمية اصلا، طبعا ده بسبب سياسات الطفل الواحد واعتماد العيلة كلها على الولد وعدم السماح له بالاستقلالية لدرجة ان عندهم ظاهرة اسمها the sitting mother اللي بتسافر تسكن جنب الجامعة بتاعة ابنها عشان تاخد بالها منه وتتابع مستواه الدراسي مع الدكاترة، لدرجة إن الذكور الصينين بدأت يبقى عندهم سمعة إنهم perverts يمشون على الأرض.

الكلام ده مش موجود في امريكا لكن الداتا بتأكد شيوع ظاهرة زهد الشباب في العلاقات عموما، ولما يبقى عندهم اوبشن بين حفلات او علاقات حميمية وبين إنهم يقعدوا في البيت يلعبوا اونلاين أو يتفرجوا علي بورن، بيختاروا الخيار التاني من غير تفكير .. وده على المدى البعيد هيؤدي إن الامريكان هينقرضوا!

الكاتب حذر كذا مرة من إن الشباب لوست انترست خلاص ومبقاش هاممهم التعليم الاكاديمي ولا العلاقات الاجتماعية ولا ان يبقى عندهم كاريير من اصله، وده بان في زيادة ظاهرة الذكور فوق سن التلاتين اللي بيفضلوا عايشين مع اهلهم من غير أي طموح في الاستقلالية ولا البعد عن ماما اللي بتعمله السندوتشات وهو قاعد يلعب اونلاين ومش دريان بالدنيا .. أكل ومرعى وقلة صنعة.

إحصائيات الporn addiction على مستوى العالم بقت مرعبة، وخلاص الموضوع مبقاش كبت رغبات وتفريغ طاقة زي زمان، بدليل إن المدمنين لما بيجيلهم فرصة لعلاقات حقيقية مع بنات حقيقين، بيرفضوها من غير تفكير. الموضوع بقى طريقة للتعامل مع الضغوط والاستغناء عن اي صعوبات عملية، بقت حاجة سهلة ومتوافرة من غير أي ريسك أو احتمالية الرفض .. المشكلة الأكبر إن البورن مش بس بيأثر نفسيًا وبيولوجيًا على احتمالية دخول علاقات حقيقية، ده كمان بيأثر على مناطق المكافأة والتحفيز في الدماغ وبنسبة كبيرة بيعطلها، فكل حاجة في الحياة تبان مملة ومش انترستنج بسبب توقف الدماغ على افراز الدوبامين بكميات معقولة، فليه تعمل أي حاجة لما ممكن متعملش حاجة خالص وتقعد طول اليوم تتفرج على بورن يخلي عقلك يفرز دوبامين بكميات مهولة!

الاسباب كتير من أول سهولة وتوفر البدائل الافتراضية، المشاكل العائلية من غياب الfather figures والقدوة في حياة معظم الشباب دول، والضغوط الاجتماعية اللي بتنشر الtoxic musclunity وبتزود مشاكل سوق العمل اللي تحدياته ومتطلباته زادت مع الوقت، لحد عدم كفاءة التعليم وانعدام الوعي والثقافة.

لو انت من الشباب اللي بيوصفهم الكتاب فلازم تخرج من اوضتك حالا وتشوف الدنيا، ابدأ بحاجات بسيطة: اتمشى كل يوم لربع ساعة، اقطع صلاتك تدريجيا بالعالم الافتراضي وازرع جذور في الحياة العملية، ظبط مواعيد نومك وأكلك، حاول تلاقي لنفسك هواية بعيدا عن القعدة لوحدك، كوّن علاقات صداقة مع الجنس الآخر، قرب من عيلتك وحاول تقوي صلاتك بيهم، لازم يبقى عندك father figure، لو مش عندك لأي سبب من الأسباب فممكن تملا حياتك بناس تتطلع اليهم حتى لو في العالم الافتراضي، ع اليوتيوب، او في الكتب، اقرا عشان تفهم نفسك، اقرا عشان تفهم الناس، اقرا عشان تفهم العالم اللي حواليك. حاول تحط لنفسك أهداف صغيرة عشان تنشط مناطق التحفيز والمكافأة في مخك، سواء أهداف دراسية أو اجتماعية او شخصية .. ولو عندك وقت فحاول تشوف اكبر عدد ممكن من فيديوهات ومحاضرات dr. Jordan Peterson على اليوتيوب.

[Emirhan AVCI · Rating 5 out of 5]

Zimbardo ve Asistanı Nikita Coulombe, inanılmaz bir emek sarf edip harika bir kitap ortaya çıkarmışlar. İnternette bilgiyi, bölük pörçük halde bulabildiğimiz tüm o Nofap, GetDisciplined ve TheRedPill gibi subredditlerin hepsini okusak dahi elde edemeyeceğiz çıkarım ve bilgileri tek bir kitaba sığdırmışlar. Özellikle günümüzde yükselerek artan video oyunlar ve pornografi kültürünün iç yüzünü açığa çıkarıp, harikulade tespitlerde bulunmuşlar.

Teknolojiden benim gibi çekmiş veya çekmekte olup da bunun farkına varan tüm erkeklerin muhakkak okuması gereken bir kitap diyip yazımı sonlandırıyorum.

[Sam Brown]

Co-written by the instigator of the famous Standford prison experiment, an equally flawed and overhyped study. Seems to make a lot of broad, sweeping generalisations based on a few limited studies which were conducted online and anonymously. Occasionally veers on the sexist. Some obvious truisms that are difficult to disagree with - men should spend less time playing video games and watching porn - but not much else. Didn't finish.

[Dastaan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Game changer, ground breaker, must read book! Enough said!

[Ross · Rating 3 out of 5]

(2016-os értékelés)
„Hova lettek a férfiak?”
Furcsán becsapós csalialcím ez, arra mindenesetre kiválóan alkalmas, hogy megragadja az ember figyelmét, hiszen naponta nők tíz (száz)ezrei teszik fel magukban (vagy a facebookon) a kétségbeesett kérdést: HOVÁ LETTEK A FÉRFIAK?
Valójában inkább az lehetne a címe: „Szociológiai problémafelvetés azokról a jelenségekről, amelyekbe a 21. század fiatal férfiai belesétálhatnak.” No, tény, akkor közel sem kerülhetne annyi ember kezébe.
Pedig a kötet valójában erről szól. A digitális technika mindenüttjelenlevősége és a fiatal férfiak sikerre és elismertségre (valamint élvezetre) vágyása közötti kapcsolat új problémáira vet némi fényt.

Minden férfi lúzer, aki számítógépes játékokkal játszik?
Nem.
Bele lehet csúszni a játékok valóságába, olyan szinten, hogy antiszociális bálnává változz?
Igen.
Baj az, ha időnként internetes pornót nézel?
(Talán) nem. (Ehhez kiegészítés -> https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...)
Feláldozhatod a valódi emberi kapcsolatokat (és esetenként az erekciódat) a két kattintásra lévő pornófilmek oltárán?
Igen.

A főszöveg gyakran tartalmaz általánosító, túlságosan leegyszerűsítő kifejezéseket. Ez elősegíti az olvashatóságot, ugyanakkor hagy némi hiányérzetet az emberben. Ennek ellensúlyozásaképp a függelék majdnem 100 oldal, ahol nem csak szakirodalmakra hivatkoznak, hanem ott fejtik ki az egyes konkrétabb számadatokat, kísérleti eredményeket, grafikonokat, így kicsit pontosabb képet kaphatunk azokról az állításokról, amik a könyvben így kezdődtek: „Hallottunk egy fiúról, aki…”

Persze nincs mindenben igaza. (Vagy legalábbis remélem.) A problémák, amiket vázol, túlságosan frissek (az utóbbi 5, na jó, maximum 10 évben jelentek meg) így nincs is igazán képünk arról, hogyan is változik meg a társadalom, ha egyre több az olyan fiatal, akik valamikor 2004 környékén tették le a hátsójukat a Warcraft elé, és most hirtelen azt várják el tőlük, hogy keljenek fel, és teljesítsenek 120%-ban a munka világában.
Arra mindenesetre remek könyv, hogy provokáljon. Hogy gondolatokat ébresszen. Hogy felhergeljék magukat rajta az emberek, és ne értsenek vele egyet. És persze hogy vizsgáljanak meg jelenségeket, az egyének a saját életükben, a szociológusok a társadalom szintjén. Per pillanat ennyi talán elég.

[Vishal Misra · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gender psychology has always interested me, and I've always been interested in the laws pertaining to gender and sexuality. As part of my research, I'd heard the distant rumbles of the "men are failing" hypothesis, but I didn't pay it much mind. Neither myself, nor any of my male friends, were failing. We're all educated, successful professionals. But I did know about the detrimental effects of online pornography. I'd come across the TED talks by Zimbardo on the "Demise of Guys", and the TED talk by Gary Wilson and creator of yourbrainonporn.com. Again, I hadn't paid it much mind. Porn had lost its allure for me in my early twenties.

This book presents well researched findings that demonstrate that men are indeed failing. Though, it could be argued that they're failing at a dated model of masculinity. What truly disturbs, is that the model has no incentive to reform. The authors calmly show us that men are struggling in school, struggling to reconcile the new economic world with the world (and gender roles) of their baby boomer predecessors. In turn, this contributes to a steady withdrawal from the world. They present evidence that many men struggle to have any functioning friendships with women (something that still shocks me when I think about it), and that they are replacing their needs to excel with video games, and their need to find a partner with online porn.

They also show us that the pornification of life is having troubling effects on everyone. Men are expected by themselves, AND by many women, to be sexually on-demand. Media portrayals of men as oafish or trapped in prolonged adolescences does not help shift the image of men as mostly losers. Trapped indoors, eyes fixed online.

This is a relatively nuanced text. The authors avoid sweeping generalisations. But there is no doubt that men face challenges. The workforce is changing, and men who do not excel at school or gain a valuable trade will struggle. In the short run this could mean increased crime, in the long run it appeals to a shift in electoral priorities. The more unemployed, but able, men we have; the more we will see rhetoric that blames this on women, immigrants or any other folk devil. However, the reality is, it is men and the education system which must change.

The authors lay a set of proposed solutions to help assist guys. I agree with most of them, including widening sex education to include porn and deal with gender issues. Sex education must be more holistic as well, people must understand the hormonal shifts that occur with sex. Indeed, sex can hold a bad relationship together because of that hormonal cocktail, and this needs to be recognised. Finally, it is on parents to teach their children how to live. Good teachers and good parents make a world of difference.

We must change what it means to be a man, but also must critically assess how millenials are engaging with technology. Fantasies and virtual realities seduce us all. For every man with unrealistic expectations of sex from porn, there is a woman with unrealistic expectations of romance gleamed from rom-coms and "chick-lit". This book is a timely reminder that the price of liberty is eternal vigilance.

[Nishchay Mohan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Philip Zimbardo has raised some legitimate concerns regarding pornography, video games and changing role of man in the society. Even though this book has raised a fair bit of criticism, I believe that Philip is doing the right thing by pointing out everything that is affecting 'what it means to be a man?'. This book is backed by statistics (I am not an academic but understand the manipulation that can be employed when it comes to statistics). This book deals with a number of issues facing today's Man and also provides possible solutions to them which is quite unique and definitely helpful for an average joe like myself. I consider this book as an introduction to the issues and brief solutions which encourage readers to delve deeper into the empirical and peer reviewed research which is available for the taking.

[Justin Daniel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dr. Zimbardo is a psychologist who asks the basic question: why are men failing in the 21st century? We live in an era with unprecedented advances, equal rights unseen for most of world history, and technological superiority that has never been seen before. With all of this however, young boys are failing. They are consistently getting worse grades in school compared to females, they are more prone to be ADHD, in light of the recent recession they are not working as much, and are basically on the verge of not being relevant any more.

Dr. Zimbardo breaks his book up into 3 sections: symptoms, causes, and solutions. I think the most interesting is the first part: symptoms, with causes coming in a close second. Dr. Zimbardo attributes the decline of the male species with essentially three roots: pornography, video games, and drugs. The first two are the source of literally millions of wasted hours in young men’s life around the world. Dr. Zimbardo states that both are incredibly addictive, are used as a way to escape the real world, and when done in isolation, cripple the social skills of men.

He demonstrates how young men use videos as an escapist fantasy that purposely uses a system of goals and rewards to help addict the user. While in the fantasy world, a young man can feel like he is accomplishing things he never has done in the real world, thus perpetuating the addiction. He talks a lot about dopamine and how video games make the user feel good about their accomplishments, even if they are detached from the real world.

Similarly, pornography is a giant waste of time, addictive, and generally bad for your brain. He states how there has never been a time in history where men could view such a distorted view of reality in the world of sex until the 21st century, and it’s having vast repercussions on men. In general, pornography creates a fantasy world on how men perceive sex. While in real life, sex is meant to be within the confines of a relationship (and I would argue a marital relationship) that is suppose to cultivate emotion and interconnectedness with another person. Pornography largely detaches this last element from the equation: he explains pornography is incredibly selfish and the acts done in porn are in no way how a real woman wants to be treated or would find appealing if a man did it to her. What happens when young men view pornography apart from a sexual relationship is an unrealistic expectation of what sex is. They go into the bedroom expecting their wife to do certain things that are grotesque and even frightening because they have been conditioned by a fantasy world. It also is really addicting: similar to video games, porn affects the dopamine receptors in your brain to make you feel good about what you are seeing. The problem is that each time you view porn it takes a little bit more the next time in order to achieve the same “high.”

Lastly, he looks at how medicated young boys are. Often times, boys are more susceptible to ADHD than girls. He shows how quite often boys don’t like school because of one reason or another and there after, are really difficult to keep engaged. The solution? Medicate them.

He also makes great points on what this all means for women. If men are: 1) in isolation; 2) playing countless hours of video games (some people he interviewed played 14-16 hours.. a day); 3) and watching pornography, they are not being social. They are cooped up in their fortified castles of anonymity and solitude. The end result? Men are increasingly becoming socially inept. They don’t have girlfriends, they live with their parents, they don’t have jobs, and they don’t know how to talk to people. The thought of a girl may even make them nervous. So while technology has worked to connected us in a way that was unimaginable even 20 years ago, this is all going to the detriment of men in particular.

Zimbardo makes some great points. The book is full of statistics that, as a millennial, are really frightening. Take a look at just one that he cites:

“… imagine the kind of force gamers would become if every gamer dedicated just 1 per cent of his gaming time – 30 million collective hours a week – to make a real-world impact… Considering Wikipedia represents roughly 100 million hours of human thought, hypothetically 15.6 Wikipedia size projects could be accomplished every year if each gamer invested that 1 per cent into a crowdsourcing project” (Zimbardo, 250).

Other statistics are saddening beyond measure. The average age a boy see’s pornography for the first time is 11 years old.

But while I largely enjoyed reading the first two parts of his book, I could not agree with most of his “solutions.” From a Christian worldview, here are some things I think we need to do to curb this epidemic:

Parents need to be more involved. I appreciate Dr. Zimbaro’s emphasis on father figures and their role in their kids lives. I really do. That’s coming from a secular perspective that is desperately needed. However, I think he downplays the significance of the parents role in the lives of kids. And by downplay, I mean he talks about it extensively, but I think this is the first step in solutions: parents need to be more involved in their kids lives. The computer age has been a great blessing to humanity, but it also has been a great weakness. Parents need to be involved in what their kids are watching and doing on the internet. They need to have tough conversations with them about sex and pornography that advocates boundaries within relationships, monogamy, abstinence, and the glory of God in their relationships (for my secular friends, I did say this was looking at this book from a Christian worldview perspective, so if you don’t agree with some of these things we can agree to disagree). Parents need to curb the excessive amount of media their kids intake and they need to reinforce the practice of reading. Lastly, I would encourage parents (and this is just my opinion) to totally cut out video games from their kids life. There is literally no bigger waste of time in this world than that, I think. And it really hurts the social development of kids (Dr. Zimbardo would probably disagree with me; he talks a lot about how the kind of problems associated with video games are when they are done in excess, so obviously that’s just my personal view on the subject).
For those who are addicted to pornography or video games or both, there needs to be a greater urgency in the Church to address such issues. Obviously pornography is already being heavily opposed in the Church, but video games are seen largely as harmless. I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone in the Church advocate for boys to cease playing video games, other than personal opinion. The problem with the latter is that I believe video games take away from the glory of God. When all of your affections are spent in a virtual world, how can you be an effective Christian? The answer simply is, you can’t.
Lastly, I think that the Church needs to adopt programs of mutual accountability to address such addictions. Both of these issues are highly addictive and are very hard to quit. But quitting can be liberating and actually helpful. Once a coalition has been established, programs need to come alongside it to help young men retain their humanity and their unique maleness. One of the biggest complaints I’ve heard from women in the Church is that there are no longer quality men. Dr. Zimbardo addresses this in the book, but the question is why? Particularly in the Church where men are suppose to be renewed people by the grace of God. It my own opinion (through listening and watching), men in the Church are equally dysfunctional when it comes to relationships and dating. Is this due to the causes of video games and pornography? Perhaps. We need to bring together other males, particularly in the formative years of high school and college, to keep one another accountable to stopping such practices.
The future is a little terrifying when reading this book. More and more kids are being exposed to ipads, iphones, computers, and video games at a crazy early age. How will they grow up? Will they be socially dysfunctional? Only the future will tell.

[Barawe]

Listen, I genuinely want to know more about the possible problems the opposite sex may encounter so I understand the ladz better. I do think that since PC games were from the very start more successful in catering to men, boys could be more affected by their negative effects. I also think that while we women need to solve issues such as 'what do you do when you want a family and a career and next to zero days of parental leave?', men have their own share of unsolved problems I want to hear about. However, 14 pages in, the only thing I've got are spicy example of argumentational fallacies and lack of citations in all of the important places, all written in a way too dramatic language to be taken seriously.

Examples:
just hanging there without any citation, presented just as 'my colleague said it':
'A surprising amount of men don’t seem to want to work at jobs
that will bring in money or even help out with household chores that will keep
their living space tidy. These guys are content just to hang around doing ‘their
thing’ but perform nothing that traditionally resembles ‘work’.
like what is your 'surprising amount of men'? my american boys, I know that you do not like
measurement systems but 'surprising amount' isn't a unit.

correlation does not imply causation:
'Health care – a major female-dominated industry – was relatively insulated,
while industries such as manufacturing and construction, where most employees
are men, accounted for about half of the 6.5 million US jobs lost since the most
recent recession started.'
like really? In the last 40 years manufacturing internationally moved to Asia, both
manufacturing and construction will
never fly in times of economic recession, cse everyone is keeping their money and planned
projects are being postponed, volumes of manufactured stuff decreased AND you are
cherry-picking. Even back then in 2008, I bet the TECH-IT industry dominated by men still kept
its upwards curve. If you now pop in charts for stock funds investing in robotics, IT
and healthcare, all of them raise steeply and steadily with IT being the most progressive for the
last 5-10 years. And I am not talking about 2 - 3 percent growth. Those all go well above 100.

so yeah...14 pages in and I am already annoyed.

update:
Chapter 7 actually handy chapter on the ADHD medicaments used to raise school performance and their negative effects that come when the pills are used over a longer period of time. My problem?
How can any reader take the proposed arguments seriously, when the sentence 'He just won’t do much or want to do much, but be a smiling couch potato. ' is used as a link to 2 serious academic citations. Pick your register, stay in the register. Sincerely, your 101 academic writing class.

'Those messages from Mum, one of our most important mentors, along with
the slew of celebrity mothers, such as Sofía Vergara, Gwyneth Paltrow and Heidi
Klum, being toted as ‘superwomen’ who do it all and have it all, and still look
hot at 40 and 50 years old, leaves ordinary young women feeling anxious and
confused, and eventually leaves them feeling disappointed when they realize
they won’t have it all - ' Because our young mothers apparently all have the IQ of half-rotten kohlrabi and believe everything 'em big boys in media feed them. I mean seriously. Do you really claim that the majority gives a damn about Gwyneth Paltrow, from all people? She made a candle that smells like her vag. That then blew into a lawsuit over its unusual explosive properties. I don't know about all the other ladies around the world but so far I've seen a distinct lack of fermented fish, wax and explosives being bought down here in our lovely little Europe.

[Chrisanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

I just listened to a podcast on biases. So now I'm questioning all my thoughts. And that may be reflected in my reviews for a bit...

The general idea isn't anything that hasn't been posed by Richard Reeves, Mary Harrington/Louise Perry, Tim Carney(on childhood in general) and others. It did read as dated, but because a lot of this information is backed up by more recent books I was less inclined to question it.

For the most part, the chapters were short and manageable. I did think information was repeated more than I would have liked, but I'm a fast reader. I thought his points about ADHD and Ritalin were interesting---definitely going to research that---and there is more research about the effect of gaming and ADHD which may support his thesis. I also agreed with his points about role reversals in films, popular culture, and books. Case in point---the body positivity movement was really just about girls. No one ever really flipped the switch on the advertising for boys. * Perhaps I just think it's great info because I see it, without even having to try. Perhaps I see it, because I want to see it.

I was disappointed when it began to talk about the pornography/video game crossover because it really just got the low-hanging fruit there. Can we talk about how "kid/tween" games have barely clothed girls in them(and I know that lots of mature games do and do worse)? Sure, they don't do anything inappropriate in the Everyone-rated games, but I suspect that it's worth examining. Or at least mentioning. I'm not sure that current science backs up his claim about violent video games, but one thing I think we can tell based on recent shooter stats---they do not help people with a tendency towards violent behavior (for whatever reason).

Finally, I'd be interested to see if his stats on teaching effectively has changed. And I think the chapter to women could have had better supporting info. But it really wasn't about them so perhaps the oversight is understandable.

*perhaps that topic struck home more because an egregious crime of an 17-18yo girl charged with sexually assaulting a 13yo boy is making the rounds in the news. Would the public outrage be greater if the genders had been reversed? Worth thinking about.

[Aleš Bednařík · Rating 5 out of 5]

Zimbardo si získal a potom aj pošramotil povesť svojím väzenským experimentom na univerzite. Ale oboje je veľmi zaujímavé - aj väzenský experiment a aj to ako do neho pravdepodobne neodborne zasahoval, aby dosiahol, čo chcel. Mňa skôr straší, že si stále farbí vlasy na čierno :-)
Aby som sa vyjadril ku knihe Odpojený muž - mám rád knihy s názorom, aj podložené faktami. Tu je to oboje veľmi výdatne a tak sa mi kniha dobre čítala.
Môže si niekto myslieť, že Zimbardo je stará škola a tak frfle neoprávnene na porno, počítačové hry, nedostatok pohybu mužov, ich strácajúce sa schopnosti komunikovať, ale podľa mňa má vo všetkom pravdu a túto knihu by si mali prečítať ženy, muži aj rodičia synov.
Knihu si môžete kúpiť tu: https://bit.ly/odpojenymuz

[Mike Peleah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Zimbardo and Coulombe start honest discussion about different aspects of men and women relationships in the digital age. They are not limit themselves with simple explanations, but rather go quite deep and explore underlining causes and effects of very visible symptoms. Book consists of three parts: Symptoms, Causes, and Solutions. The last part offers possible solutions to a range of interested parties--Govts, parents, schools, media, women, and (young) men themselves.

[jaroiva · Rating 4 out of 5]

O tom, jak technologie, počítačové hry a dostupnost internetového porna v kombinaci s ženskou emancipací připravují americké muže o motivaci a smysluplné cíle.
V Evropě nejsme asi o moc pozadu, ale nějak věřím, že nejvíc alarmující je to v USA a Japonsku. I tak jsem ráda, že nejsem dnešní mladý muž a pubertální hledání partnera mám už za sebou ještě v předinternetovém věku.

[Alexander Fitzgerald · Rating 5 out of 5]

Zimbardo is relentless.

Every line is laced with a statistic that is hard to believe. There are no words wasted. Everything weaves into a punishing awful place.

You look up the statistics. Wow, they are true. So much of this is true.

Do I agree with every one of his hypotheses? No. It's a book. Written by someone else. If I wanted my own opinion I'd have a nice little internal conversation with myself.

Did he say some insane things? Yes. Can I refute him? No. I will have to go find another book then to find that viewpoint. My work isn't done.

I heard this was a men's rights book after I got done reading it. That surprised me. He torches men alive for 90% of the book.

The man is just brutal. If you have a weak stomach, look elsewhere. If you want to know why so many men are dropping out of the labor force and dating pool then here is your honest answer from a man who did research.

[Sunny · Rating 5 out of 5]

7 stars. Essential reading for anyone with kids who are overusing their phones. Very insightful. Here are the best bits:

As mentioned in Chapter 8, young men spend on average forty-four hours in front of a screen for every half-hour they spend in one-on-one conversation with their fathers;

Today many of the young men who do manage to find a partner feel entitled to do nothing to add substance to that relationship beyond just showing up. New emasculating terms such as 'man-child' and 'moodle' (man-poodle) have emerged to describe men who haven't matured emotionally or are otherwise incapable of taking care of themselves. Hollywood has caught on, too, to this awkward bunch of males, who appear to be comically hopeless. Recent films such as Knocked Up, Failure to Launch, the Jackass series, The Hangover series and Hall Pass present men as expendable commodities, living only for mindless fun, 'bromances', and intricate but never-realized plans to get laid. Their female co-stars, meanwhile, are often attractive, focused and mature, with success-oriented agendas guiding their lives. The sense of being entitled to have things without having to work hard for them - attributed to one's male nature - runs counter to the Protestant work ethic.


Ogas and Gaddam explore this by delving into men's ability to be aroused by 'or and women's need to be aroused by and' They explain that men have single-cue arousability: nice breasts or a round butt or a hot MILF [mother-T'd-like-to-fuck] will do; whereas women need multiple cues: attractive and nice to children and self-confident.

Our ability to engage in the deep thinking required to understand printed material and engage in lengthy conversations is slipping away as the physical make-up of our brains adapts to short spurts of information. The more we are required to shift our attention from moment to moment, the less able we are to experience the more profound forms of emotions, including empathy and compassion. Underdeveloped emotions combined with a lack of engagement with others can stunt future social and romantic relationships, which require going beyond superficial considerations.

It is my belief that entitlement can help shape men. What they are entitled to is responsibility. The achievement is fulfilment of responsibility that will let the world trust them to shape the future. Yes, men can be strong if they care about others. Responsibilities - such as being gentle and a gentleman, manners to others to show courtesy, to take on duties to reassure others, being selfless - will help a young man find himself... The key to being a man lies in responsibility. The responsibility to care about oneself and not ruin or abuse oneself, to care about others and not ruin or abuse them! We could not agree more. But it seems to us that this new sense of male entitlement is different from what it may have been in the past. It is more generalized, spreading to more settings and activities that tend to undermine any meaningful social or romantic relationships.
These men seem to be emulating successful media celebrities and personalities such as David Beckham, the swimmer Michael Phelps, and entrepreneur Mark Zuckerberg, who appear to have it all; but they only see and admire the desirable outcomes and products. What is missing from the analysis is any appreciation of what goes into any kind of success: a lot of hard work, trial and tribulation, practice and failures that are part of the process of trying to attain a goal. The good things in life usually take a commitment to success, to delaying gratification, to putting work before play, and to understanding the importance and vitality of the social contract - not expecting more than what is being put in.

...changes in technology are affecting the nature of interpersonal communication so that we are experiencing more structured electronic interactions and less spontaneous social interactions where there is the opportunity to develop and practise interpersonal skills, such as negotiating, making conversation, reading body language and facial cues, which are important for making new friends and fostering more intimate relationships? The new breed of shyness then arises not from wanting to reach out but fearing social rejection from making a poor impression, but, rather, not wanting to make social contact because of not knowing how to, and then further distancing themselves from others the more out of practice a person gets.

Grand Theft Auto S - one of the most controversial game scries of all time - rack up 5800 million in its first day. Grand Theft Auto S surpassed the $1 billion mark after only three days, faster than any movie in history, including any of the Harry Potter films and Avatar In 2013 the worldwide revenue of the gaming industry, including Any of the Harry Potter films and avatar

Throughout history the vast majority of humans lived in
average household size in America is three or fewer? In the UK, multi-generational, often multi-family groups, so whether or not they wanted to be, kids were surrounded by adults. Essentially there would have been two parents as well as other caregivers in the picture: siblings, grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins. Today, however, with classroom ratios at about one teacher per twenty students, with only one or two adults living at home, and with great distances between extended family members, children have far fewer quality relationships with any adults.

Some kids also feel that they are one of the reasons why their parents' marriage ended, and avoid having children of their own in an effort to spare any potential future children the pain they witnessed and experienced. Young people are still expected to want these things even though they say they are never taught properly how to talk about or handle the challenges that come with these commitments.

A woman simply is, but a man must become. Masculinity is risky and elusive. It is achieved by a revolt from woman, and it is confirmed only by other men- Camille paglia

We need more Maps to Manhood. When we reinforce outdated codes and ideas of manhood, these young boys will strive to achieve a standard of being a man that ensures they will fail as a human being.

The National Center for Health Statistics reports that children of unwed or divorced parents who live with only their mother are 375 per cent more likely to need professional treatment for emotional or behavioural problems." Craig McClain, co-founder of the Boys to Men Mentoring Network, offers an unfortunate view of why men do not often engage teenage boys:
Men are afraid of teenage boys, deathly afraid, and they don't want anything to do with them. I saw it in a lot of my talks to men's groups, saying, Hey, how many of you guys want to go up on a weekend with 30 teenage boys with me? Raise your hand.' And one of them will raise their hand, and I'l say, "That's the problem? Men are afraid of teenage boys because all they remember about their (own] teenage years is pain and sorrow and sadness and being alone, and when they see teenage boys in that place, that's where they go, so they back off

One of the most crucial things for these young men transitioning into manhood was simply having an adult male around who enjoyed their presence and could guide them so that they could be loved for who they were but also held accountable for what they did. Being loved simply for who they are is the unconditional love that mums usually give, and love based on periormance and effectively trying to achieve something is typicaly dad's domain. In this case, the mentors gave both.

The Centre for Social Justice (CSJ) estimates that the cost of 'family breakdown' is at least £46 billion a year, more than the entire Defence budget though there is only £30 million a year invested by parliament into preventing family breakdown.

In another study, in which the avatar was trying to persuade a participant, and the avatar's face was morphed to contain 20 to 40 per cent of The participants features the facial similarity was such a powerful queue that it could sway the participants choice of political candidate even in high-profile elections.

Normally, every male experiences what is called a post-ejaculatory refractory period after an orgasm. Translation: he needs a break, a time out, after sex before getting it on again. But that period of time gets massively reduced with a novel sexual opportunity. As far as your brain is concerned, porn is like having your own harem. Although the experience only exists in fantasy, each new clip is like having a new sexual opportunity. The Coolidge Effect is the phenomenon where this idea is observed. It all goes back to an unverified story about former US President Calvin Coolidge and his wife, Grace Coolidge, being shown separately around a government farm. When Mrs Coolidge came across a rooster having sex with the hens, she asked the attendant how often he did that. The attendant replied, 'Dozens of times each day. Mrs Coolidge then said, 'Tell that to the President when he comes by? Upon being told, the President asked whether it was the same hen every time. The reply was, 'Oh, no, Mr President, a different hen every time' The President then said, "Tell that to Mrs Coolidge!'

Overtime the real world around me just could not keep my attention because all I could think about was when I was going to be able to get back home and game.

I am a physician with a research background in neuroscience, who battled his own addictions with video games. I was an addicted gamer who, at my peak, invested over 20,000 hours of playing games over a period of nine years. My reckless compulsion to play games transformed me into a monster that almost destroyed my family, marriage and career. Without attention to this quickest-growing addiction, our society will suffer from the creation of Generation Vidiot, millions of people devoid of innovation and skills to live in the physical world.

After the Virginia Tech shooting, journalist David Von Drehle aptly pointed out that the extreme self-centredness of these kinds of killers is the 'forest in these stories', and that all the other elements - guns, games, lyrics, pornography - 'are just the trees.

Less than a quarter of Members of Parliament are female. Feminist Laura Bates pointed out that this puts the UK 74th out of 186 in terms of female representatives in Parliament, ranking behind Sudan, where sharia law is in effect, and China, where the term sheng nu - leftover women' - is used to urge professional women to get married.

Where men will tell each other exactly what's on their minds even if it's an insult, women so often say nothing and distance themselves from the other person in the hopes that the issue will resolve itself or fade to the point where it's no longer a problem.

Women are selling themselves short if they allow the culture to shape their identities and sexual expressions. We agree with Levy when she wrote: If we really believed that we were sexy and funny and competent and smart, we would not need to be like strippers or [bel like men or [be] like anyone other than our own specific, individual selves... [to do this] would be no more difficult than the kind of contortions FCPs are constantly perförming in an effort to prove themselves. More importantly, the rewards would be the very things Female Chauvinist Pigs want so desperately, the things women deserve: freedom and power."

but not the same responsibilities that the men doing the dangerous physical work have. Those men are invisible, which is ironic considering how much we depend on the hard work of those men every day. This book or tablet you hold in your hands, for instance, is the product of a couple of the most hazardous, and male-dominated industries: logging and mining.

In one study, when men did certain 'feminine' chores around the house, such as folding laundry, cooking or vacuuming, they had less sex than when they did 'masculine' chores such as taking out the trash ot working on the car. Having a more traditional division of chores also led to a higher rate of sexual satisfaction, at least for women." Gottlieb went on to say that the risk of divorce is lowest when the husband does 40 per cent of the housework and the wife earns 40 per cent of the income.

male shut-ins called hikikomori, who never leave their homes, or, in most cases, their parents' homes. China has its own version of this category of men. diaosi, which literally translates to male pubic hair The diaosi are working-class men, many in the tech industry, who lack social skills and spend much of their free time gaming.

In our UK student survey, when we asked what class would you like at your school that doesn't already exist?' nearly a third of teens independently suggested a life skills' class that included guidance on personal finance, how to apply for a job properly and handle job interviews, and dealing with adult responsibilities and life changes, such as the death of a relative.

f you don't raise your kids, who will The bulk of change needs to come from parents. It is time for parents to create more boundaries and offer more guidance for their children. So turn off the chronic digital stimulation and turn on your son's creativity. If your son has been diagnosed with ADHD or similar,

When children get praised regardless of the quality of the work they do, they feel less motivated to do more. Same thing goes for when a child does exemplary work and they get similar approval as someone who didn't - they become skeptical of the feedback. What kids need is specific feedback about areas where they are doing well and areas where they can improve.

In addition the success from that dedicated practice also carried over to being conscientious in my schoolwork.

In her book The Artist's Way, writer and filmmaker Julia Cameron recommends an exercise called the 'morning pages', an apparently pointless' process of writing three pages of whatever comes to mind. When writing in the morning pages, there's no wrong way - the only requirement is that you do it every day, and do your best not to censor yourself? the morning pages will yelp you be less judgmental of yourself. It doesn't matter if you don't feel like writing or don't have anything to say, after a while you will come in contact with an unexpected inner power: your true self.

Happy people enjoy receiving while people leading meaningful lives get satisfaction from giving to others. As much as happiness can be pursued, long-lasting happiness is actually derived from meaningful endeavours that allow you to discover your strengths and weaknesses, establish goals that can be achieved in the future and experience situations where you can bond and grow with others.

The substance (a solid business plan) that you want to look for in a man is whether or not he will use his skills to build a well-rounded, healthy and enduring relationship with meaning and mutual growth for both partners. The questions to ask and consider are: Does this man have true interpersonal skills, such as the ability to listen, empathize, communicate and work as a team to resolve issues?

But culture loses something important when we as population are less able to think critically, delay gratification or define and achieve meaningful personal and social goals.

[Michal Bernhard · Rating 3 out of 5]

Pěkné shrnutí nástrah a problémů, které číhají na mladé lidi a zejména chlapce v dnešní době - počítačové hry, internet (seznamky, sociální sítě), pornografie, hormony v životním prostředí, nedostatek pohybu, rozpad rodin (chybějící role otce), obecně nedostatek mužských vzorů.

Líbí se mi jak je to perfektně ozdrojované a když má tudíž člověk hlubší zájem o problematiku může si snadno dohledat další materiály.

Je to taková pop-science, takže se to snadno čte. Knížku či prezentaci z takového ranku by si měl přečíst asi každý rodič a chlap.

[Green Hedgehog · Rating 2 out of 5]

Имя автора - вот что меня привлекло в этой книге. Ну, еще бы - автор знаменитого «Тюремного эксперимента». Психолог, автор многих книг. Интересно же, что он напишет про порно и видеоигры. И про мужчин, чего уж там говорить. И давайте не будем медлить – вы, наверное, уже увидели по оценке - эта книга меня разочаровала. Начать хотя бы с того, что оказывается, в оригинале у нее куда более скучное название. А «игры и порно», «приписали» на эту книгу уже в России, для привлечения внимания. Видимо в надежде, что это привлечет к книге больше читателей. Вот только зачем этой книге больше читателей? Я на самом деле не очень хорошо понял. Это, на мой взгляд, очень скучная и не очень информативная книга для узкой аудитории.

Я бы даже сказал, что она статистически-банальная. Тема мужчин, которые «уже не те» - это уже мусолилось во всех медиа. Фильмы, книги, статьи, карикатуры. Везде тема: «а вот раньше мужик убивал тигра кулаком, трахал десяток баб, и потом еще захватывал соседнюю страну, выпив цистерну пива» противопоставляется «нынешнему поколению». И нынешнее поколение (к которому я, пожалуй, отнесу и себя), на этом фоне выглядит не очень. Отсутствие нормальных социальных навыков, юношеские проблемы знакомства с девушками, увлечение виртуальными мирами и так далее. Ничего оригинального в этой проблематики я бы не назвал. Но автор старательно нагоняет объем данными.

65% этой книги состоят из верных на 89% утверждений, которые были собраны из 5% мировых источников. Три из трех цифр в предыдущем утверждении цифр были выдуманы, но при этом статистическая ошибка составляет всего 0,2% от истинной. Вот примерно такими предложениями автор и говорит с читателями. Количество цифр на одну страницу этой книги, как-то излишне велико. Словно читаешь не книгу, а сборник статистических данных. Да, и количество источников всей информации - это примерно пятая часть книги. Много, много исследований провел автор. Чтобы, в общем-то, вывести одну проблему - человечество меняется. Как бы автору этого не хотелось.

На самом деле, буквально на каждой странице, где можно заметить личность Филипа Зимбардо, а не сухие цифры, все кричит о том «теплом, ламповом прошлом», по которому он скучает. В нем были семейные обеды, детишки бегали с палками по лесам, купались в речках, играли в футбол во дворах. А не то, что сейчас, обколются марихуаной и по подъездам в приставки играют. Ладно, ладно, я понимаю, что утрирую. Но у меня от этой книги осталось именно такое ощущение. Словно бабулька возле подъезда, которая не понимает по��овины того, что происходит в жизни более молодого поколения. Да блин, тут даже с компьютерными играми получается недопонимание. Например, по мнению автора во всех кассовых играх центральную роль играет насилие. Ну да. Вот, например, несколько топовых по продажам игр: 1) Тетрис 2) Майнкрафт 3)GTA V 4)Wii Sport 5)Super Mario Bros. Целая одна игра с насилием. И целая куча каких-то передергиваний в плане статистических данных.

Да, согласен, что в последней части книги автор дает вполне логичные способы как-то это изменить. Но вы не представляете, как же до них было сложно добраться. Сквозь все эти цифры, какие-то банальные замечания и даже фактические ошибки. На мой взгляд, больше всего в сложившейся ситуации виноваты издатели. Они попытались труд, созданный по сугубо научной методике, выдать за научно-популярную книгу. И обычному человеку большая часть этой информации просто не интересна. Ему хватило бы и нескольких десятков предложений о том, что мол - да, вы посмотрите на большинство людей вокруг. А вот пара источников, где можно узнать подробнее. И все, не нужно никаких графиков, приведения методов исследования и ссылок на научные журналы. Не нужно пытаться мешать в одну кучу все - феменисток, зашкаливающие химические соединения в воздухе, социальные проблемы государства.

Поэтому, признавая правоту автора в его опасениях и наличии такой проблемы, я не думаю, что эта книга стоит внимания общественности. Да, если вы уж прямо совсем очень исключительно взволнованы тем, что происходит в обществе с мужчинами - то можно прочитать. Всем остальным, хватит и банальной наблюдательности вкупе со здравым смыслом. Тратить время на этот список цифр и источников – не советую.