My Eyes Are Black Holes

by Logan Ryan Smith

Jack just wants to sleep. He wants to sleep and never leave his bed or the room he lives in within a mysterious mansion on Chicago's Logan Boulevard. But, when events force him to wander, his fragile psyche and questionable memory turns a simple journey out of his room into a nightmarish odyssey, all within the confines of his labyrinthine house. It's a nightmare Jack navigates with half-opened eyes, believing his eyes harness the destructive power of black holes. Jack's tale may not be a haunted house story, but when all's said and done, the house on Logan Boulevard will be haunted—that is, if it can survive Jack's opened eyes.

MY EYES ARE BLACK HOLES is a book of madness, drawing the reader into its sticky web of tangled logic, false memory, hallucination, and violence. This is a tale that leaves readers with questions and tests perspective in ways similar to a David Lynch film. Questions create mystery. Mystery creates madness. And madness is maddening.

Genres: Horror, Fiction, Science Fiction, Thriller, Horror Thriller, Dark

178 pages, Paperback

First published May 18, 2015

About the author

Logan Ryan Smith writes dark, imaginative fiction with a unique sense of humor and madness. His work appeals to fans of authors such as J.G. Ballard, Chuck Palahniuk, Michel Faber, Bret Easton Ellis, Shirley Jackson, and Hunter S. Thompson. The God of Salt & Light, released early 2020, is a fast-paced, disorienting, yet poetic foray into the mind of a messianic madman that worships the Salton Sea and seeks to spread his faith. The Sun My Destiny, his previous book, is a psychological sci-fi drama that uses the dystopian landscape of a massive garbage dump as the background for familial relationships and grave, internal struggles. His book previous to that, Y is for Fidelity, is a disturbingly comedic tale of friendship and self-discovery that takes twists and turns opposite of every expectation. Western Palaces is the follow-up to 2015’s Enjoy Me. Each are collections of interlinked stories telling the bizarre, fantastical, and often hilarious tales of Luke, a down-and-out writer living in San Francisco’s seedy Tenderloin where zombies, bipedal crickets, ghosts, and monsters always linger in the peripherals. My Eyes Are Black Holes, released between Enjoy Me and Western Palaces, is a twisted novella of false memory, madness, and violence that pays homage to haunted house stories while never actually slipping into the genre. Logan describes it as his "unhaunted haunted house story."

Though primarily focusing on fiction now, his poetry books include The Singers & The Notes (Dusie Press, 2007), Stupid Birds (Transmission Press, 2007), Bug House (Mission Cleaners Books, 2013), and Humans & Horses (Transmission Press, 2018). Logan’s work has appeared in, among others, Hobart Journal, The New York Times, New American Writing, Meat for Tea: The Valley Review, and Great Lakes Review, which nominated his story “Bret Easton Ellis” for a Pushcart Prize. He has lived in San Francisco, Boulder, and Chicago, and now lives in Sacramento.

Reviews

[Logan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Yeah, I rate my own books. Sue me.

[Heather ~*dread mushrooms*~ · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was... weird and not altogether satisfying. Very dark. This didn't have the twist I was expecting, which is good. It was well-written in an obscure kind of way, and disturbing, even though I'm not entirely clear on what happened.

[Alison · Rating 5 out of 5]

In "My Eyes," Logan Ryan Smith's fiction takes an even darker turn, which I didn't quite think was possible after his excellent short story collection, "Enjoy Me." But in this novel, we're trapped in a Chicago mansion with Jack, who is the last person in the world anyone wants to be locked in a house with—because he's completely nuts, for one thing. He thinks his eyes are black holes, in case the title didn't make that clear. This one was more of a slow burner for me, as it took me until Part 2 to feel ready to commit to hanging out in Jack's confusing, disgusting world. You'll want to stay there as a reader though, if only to try to figure out what on earth is actually going on. And good luck with that. It's vile and strange and confusing hanging out with this protagonist, but even in some of this book's most disgusting moments, I found myself laughing out loud. Credit the author's twisted and talented prose for that. This is a book I really want others to read, if only so they can explain to me what they think happened. But it's still fun, not knowing.

[C.R. · Rating 5 out of 5]

I knew this author would be for me when I saw his list of influences - among them Chuck Palahniuk, JG Ballard and Hunter S Thompson - and I am pleased to say he does this difficult transgressive genre justice.

My Eyes are Black Holes could be described as an unsettling literary horror, reminiscent of David Lynch movies. It is beautifully written with engaging prose that makes it impossible to turn away, even during the most grotesque parts. I read this all in one sitting, which I think that only added to the intensity of what is already an unhinged, sometimes claustrophobic reading experience.

The first person perspective forces the reader right into the mind of a disturbed protagonist. Memories are layered on top of one another, becoming confused as reality merges with nightmarish fantasy, and we witness the downward mental spiral marking the culmination of a troubled life first-hand.

This approach to writing could easily become impenetrable, but Smith controls his narrative so well that there are always just enough breadcrumbs to follow the protagonist’s twisted logic. I thoroughly enjoyed this, and I’m very much looking forward to reading more from this author.

[Billie Tyrell · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is pretty good but not sure why everyone thinks it's so weird? The way that people have hyped it up as being the craziest thing they've ever read.... I mean, come on? Why? But then I suppose some people think that Christopher Nolan makes art house cinema.

[Ezra Lambert · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finished this in a day, just as I did with the last Smith book I read, “Enjoy Me”, and as much as I loved that, I think “My Eyes Are Black Holes” is even better. It’s got the same grit and heaviness and agony and madness, but much richer prose. Both the language and the things Jack experiences, or “experiences”, throughout, made for a fascinating read, and a very thorough depiction of what I identified as schizophrenia. But I’m no psychiatrist. Overall: amazing, amazing, amazing.

[Stephen Vaughn · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really had mixed feelings on this, and at the same time I feel my thoughts are completely on point in their unanimous praise for this dark, dark piece.I say I had mixed feelings because of the disturbing nature of the story, and the intensity it reaches, legitimately makes you feel uncomfortable which is damn hard to do in a book, let alone do it well as Smith does with My Eyes Are Black Holes. I put it with the feel-bad movies and books that leave you feeling like shit, but in a good way. Reading anything by Hubert Selby Jr. will produce a similar feeling. But where Selby's darkness can make you have new perspective on life, and ultimately be a rewarding experience once met, I feel Smith goes a little overboard to where it just gets a little cheesy. At one point the narrator is describing scenes that while disturbing to a degree, felt like the author was more trying to be scary, rather than letting his world and atmosphere do it for him. Overall I recommend it just because you've probably never read anything like it.

[Sky · Rating 4 out of 5]

Easily the weirdest book I've ever read (and I've read quite a few). A great book to read for those who want to know what it's like in the mind of someone who suffers from schizophrenia. Well written (so much so that even I as the reader had a hard time distinguishing between reality and fantasy). I would love to know what happened prior to the book (an unmentioned event seems relevant to the story). I will say that, despite having read this book, I'm still not entirely sure what happened (that may have been the point though). All in all, well done, Mr. Smith.

[Lynn-Cee Faulk]

My Eyes are Black Holes is one of those stories that grabs you by the throat and doesn't let go until it's done with you. At once beautiful and repulsive, this reality-bending tale is impossible to put down. 

[Geoffrey · Rating 4 out of 5]

I should preface this by saying that I’m a person living with schizoaffective disorder, so I’m a person who is very interested in reading stories from or about people with schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder. The difference between these two things is that people with schizoaffective disorder have a mood disorder associated, although both of these mental illnesses can differ from person to person and everyone experiences them differently. In this novella, the protagonist lives with severe schizophrenia and is unable to take the steps to better his life. Told in the first person, this is a dark tale about a man who suffers from schizophrenia and his delusions. He believes there’s a worm hole in his mind. My Eyes Are Black Holes is a twisted novella of false memory, madness, and violence that pays homage to haunted house stories while never actually slipping into the genre. The first person perspective forces the reader right into the mind of a disturbed protagonist. Memories are layered on top of one another, becoming confused as reality merges with nightmarish fantasy, and we witness the downward mental spiral marking the culmination of a troubled life first-hand. My Eyes are Black Holes could be described as an unsettling literary horror, reminiscent of David Lynch movies. It is beautifully written with engaging prose that makes it impossible to turn away, even during the most grotesque parts. A lot of readers who aren’t used to unlikable and dark protagonists will be turned off this story, but I related to Jack as I’ve personally gone through psychosis and understand first hand what that does to a person, to their personality and perceptions. Despite being inside Jack’s disturbed mind and knowing what psychosis feels like, that wasn’t the hardest part of this story for me. For me, seeing how Jack treated his loved ones and lashed out at them was the hardest part. As someone who is mentally ill and experiences psychosis, it always hurt me deeply to look back on my episodes later when I’m healthy/medicated and feel the guilt from my actions and how I treated people when I wasn’t clear headed and mentally sound. This book was dark and raw, and I related to some parts of Jack and his story in ways that even I don’t want to admit to myself. The last third of this book was a dark rollercoaster with many hidden meanings and subtle surreal horror. I think I was able to decipher what really happened in this story beyond the hallucinations and nightmarish dreamscapes, but even then I do feel like there were some things that I may have missed. I loved how the hallucinations had multiple meanings and the metaphors also hid the true story beneath the mental deterioration of the protagonist. This story was dark, Freudian, nightmarish and dreamlike. It felt like experiencing a controlled episode of psychosis, falling slowly through metaphor filled hallucinations, and I’m left deciphering what it all meant. The last chapter was so impactful and cleared up a lot from the nightmarish haze, it felt like a gut punch. This was a different kind of psychological horror, and I think this book is meant for anyone who has wanted a psychological horror film from David Lynch. Despite how bleak the story was overall, I loved how dark and psychological it was and I was never once bored with it. I loved attempting to decipher what really happened and I loved not knowing 100% of it for sure. This book could have easily sent me spiralling had I read it at the wrong time in my life, so I would give a word of caution to those with schizophrenia before reading this book to save it for when they’re at their best. Even though the subject matter was so twisted and was like a dark alternate future of what my own condition could bring me, I’m so glad I read this book, and I’m so glad I read it when I did. It was simultaneously horrific and cathartic.

[Jay Walker · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is an absolute fever dream mind fuck. There were a couple things I wanted clarity on, but if that was provided I think it would’ve detracted from the surreal “wtf” vibes of the whole thing. Definitely an interesting read!

[James Rennard · Rating 4 out of 5]

This one isn’t for the faint of heart or for those who are easily shaken by outbursts of noxious profanity and violent acts. My Eyes Are Black Holes (My Eyes Are Black Holes) is a terrifying, fast-paced first person account of life after a devastating loss. The author is known to be a bit genre-bending, but this is different from anything I’ve ever read and I was hooked from the first page, devouring the 176 pages in less than two hours.

While the story itself is compelling, the pseudo stream of consciousness writing style of Smith is fantastic. He squeezes us through the sickened neural pathways of Jack, a man one could estimate is in his early to mid-thirties, struggling with the thought that when he opens his eyes, they consume and destroy everything under their gaze. Jack isn’t doing well, and if allowed the reader is quickly sucked into his paranoia, their own willpower and sanity tested as they read this horrific mystery, asking questions, and delving into Jack’s madness. I for one found myself examining my own experiences in life, doubting reality and yearning to grasp something tangibly verifiable, real, not just a probable construct of an active mind.

Jack’s experiences force the reader to ask questions about sanity, reality, and the effects trauma has on individuals and families. The rawness of Smith’s writing indicates a reality experienced and I found it refreshingly sick and twisted, with a hint of hope.

[Melanie Walker · Rating 4 out of 5]

Even though I just finished this book I feel like I need to re-read it. There are so many twists I am not sure I picked up what was put down here. The main character appears to be having a mental breakdown and following him is like watching a train wreck but you are not sure if it is a train or if it is being smashed by a giant lizard or if it has simply fallen off the edge of the earth... Seriously, is this guy alive? Is he his sister? Is there a sister? Is there a house? I am seriously confused!! I recommend it, maybe you can figure out what is going on or maybe it will make you a little bit crazy.

[Simon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mix 5 parts of unreliable narrator with 3 parts of hallucinations and 2 parts of possibly real psychopathic intruders - what do you get?
A totally fucked-up novel.

This was an incredible read. Powerful language and evocative imagery, fantastic style of writing, and a narrative that throws the reader head-on into a car crash of madness, unreliable memories, hallucinations, and bizarre situations. Reader and narrator alike try to find their way through this demented maze, to get their bearings and ultimately make sense of what is happening, what is real and what is not.

Warning: not for the squeamish or feint-of-heart. Read it at your own peril...

[Joshua Jonah · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is on a list I’m trying to go through and complete.

This books cover caught my eyes, I firstly want to say. Next I want to say that this book becomes hard to follow and a lot is left to you to figure out and that works well for this book in most places. Lastly I want to say that this book also has some really weird development for the main character but again it works so well for it and the ending is very definitive and clean cut but you still are left wondering what else could’ve happened because of how the author built this story. Over all, it’s a must read for horror fans as well as psych thriller fans.

[Giu · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5⭐

Very good writing, absolutely confusing “story” – if you want to call it that. 🙃

It felt very close to what schizophrenics in interviews said about their experiences. I guess there’s not supposed to be a clear answer to what happened here …

[Josh McNeill · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an excellent read. Very fast paced and entertaining. I absolutely love stories like this. Unreliable narrators, uncertain memories, not really sure what’s real and what’s inside the narrators messed up. Very good book. Dark, twisted, and cringe worthy at times, but still very good. Highly recommend. Logan Ryan Smith is shaping up to be my new favorite author.

[Alexander Robino · Rating 3 out of 5]

This reads like a Palahniuk-esque take on "Invention of Morel." A surrealist nightmare and unconventional haunted house story that ultimately serves as a tale of emotional suffering and familial pain - narrated from the perspective of a character in complete cognitive disarray. It's an odd and disturbing journey that one could argue is ultimately heavy-handed and over-the-top. However, the author's strong and darkly humorous voice makes it gripping enough to keep one turning the pages.

[Teodor G · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author uses a minimal number of elements which he moves around like pieces on a chessboard. Each move planned well in advance, each piece guided by ever changing rules, the dark pieces soon lock the reader in an unexpected check mate.

[Mark Alexander · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fascinating. Just my opinion on what it is, but one of the best and most realistic portrayals of severe Schizophrenia I have read.

[David Flinn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Any time you find yourself laughing at something, then feeling bad for having done so, yet you go back and re-read it and start laughing all over again, you know you've found something. To me, that's what Dark Comedy really is.

[Göksel · Rating 3 out of 5]

Kitabın konusu ilgi çekici fakat fazla klasik. Sonunu ve gidişatı tahmin etmek zor değildi. Ve bazı yerleri anlamak için çaba sarf etmem gerekti. Genel olarak fena sayılmaz.

[Geo · Rating 4 out of 5]

I should preface this by saying that I’m a person living with schizoaffective disorder, so I’m a person who is very interested in reading stories from or about people with schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder. The difference between these two things is that people with schizoaffective disorder have a mood disorder associated, although both of these mental illnesses can differ from person to person and everyone experiences them differently. In this novella, the protagonist lives with severe schizophrenia and is unable to take the steps to better his life. Told in the first person, this is a dark tale about a man who suffers from schizophrenia and his delusions. He believes there’s a worm hole in his mind. My Eyes Are Black Holes is a twisted novella of false memory, madness, and violence that pays homage to haunted house stories while never actually slipping into the genre. The first person perspective forces the reader right into the mind of a disturbed protagonist. Memories are layered on top of one another, becoming confused as reality merges with nightmarish fantasy, and we witness the downward mental spiral marking the culmination of a troubled life first-hand. My Eyes are Black Holes could be described as an unsettling literary horror, reminiscent of David Lynch movies. It is beautifully written with engaging prose that makes it impossible to turn away, even during the most grotesque parts. A lot of readers who aren’t used to unlikable and dark protagonists will be turned off this story, but I related to Jack as I’ve personally gone through psychosis and understand first hand what that does to a person, to their personality and perceptions. Despite being inside Jack’s disturbed mind and knowing what psychosis feels like, that wasn’t the hardest part of this story for me. For me, seeing how Jack treated his loved ones and lashed out at them was the hardest part. As someone who is mentally ill and experiences psychosis, it always hurt me deeply to look back on my episodes later when I’m healthy/medicated and feel the guilt from my actions and how I treated people when I wasn’t clear headed and mentally sound. This book was dark and raw, and I related to some parts of Jack and his story in ways that even I don’t want to admit to myself. The last third of this book was a dark rollercoaster with many hidden meanings and subtle surreal horror. I think I was able to decipher what really happened in this story beyond the hallucinations and nightmarish dreamscapes, but even then I do feel like there were some things that I may have missed. I loved how the hallucinations had multiple meanings and the metaphors also hid the true story beneath the mental deterioration of the protagonist. This story was dark, Freudian, nightmarish and dreamlike. It felt like experiencing a controlled episode of psychosis, falling slowly through metaphor filled hallucinations, and I’m left deciphering what it all meant. The last chapter was so impactful and cleared up a lot from the nightmarish haze, it felt like a gut punch. This was a different kind of psychological horror, and I think this book is meant for anyone who has wanted a psychological horror film from David Lynch. Despite how bleak the story was overall, I loved how dark and psychological it was and I was never once bored with it. I loved attempting to decipher what really happened and I loved not knowing 100% of it for sure. This book could have easily sent me spiralling had I read it at the wrong time in my life, so I would give a word of caution to those with schizophrenia before reading this book to save it for when they’re at their best. Even though the subject matter was so twisted and was like a dark alternate future of what my own condition could bring me, I’m so glad I read this book, and I’m so glad I read it when I did. It was simultaneously horrific and cathartic.

[Dylan Williams · Rating 3 out of 5]

Enjoyable but too-weird for it's own good book that doesn't overstay it's welcome.

The first two parts of the book are the best and feature very creative depictions of insanity and are remarkably vivid and captivating.

The third part is just torture porn that comes out of nowhere. The ending was neat and worked for the most part.

Props for mentioning Calumet City, IL. I think the only other book to mention it is Silence of the Lambs.

[J.T. McAndrew · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fantastic book. Very dark if you like dark fiction about a troubled soul navigating his way through a strange mansion labyrinth. cleverly written with plenty to muse on, loved it.

[OldHorseMeat · Rating 3 out of 5]

following another terrible narrator we see the life of someone, someone who feels things. they may not be real. but they are real to jack.

[Nihil Okubi Huizen · Rating 2 out of 5]

Was great, until it devolved into torture porn.

[Harrison Bahe · Rating 3 out of 5]

My Eyes Are Black Holes by Logan Ryan Smith follows Jack, a man who wanders aimlessly through a desolate mansion in Chicago, firmly believing that his eyes are black holes. He refuses to open them, and through his fractured psyche, he reflects on his tragic, abuse-filled life. Jack recounts his disturbing experiences, including his Stockholm Syndrome toward two caretakers who systematically torture him—physically, mentally, and sexually.

I’m not entirely sure what to make of this book. Despite its brevity, it felt like it overstayed its welcome. Jack is an unreliable narrator, erratic in his thoughts and memories, jumping from one to the next in a way that quickly becomes disorienting. At times, he’s a broken shell of a man, unable to comprehend the chaos surrounding him as he shuffles through the decaying mansion like a lost soul. At other moments, he’s in mirrored rooms, and the mansion shifts from dilapidated to glorious, blurring the line between reality and delusion. I suppose this serves to highlight Jack’s slow descent into madness.

My Eyes Are Black Holes is an unsettling exploration of an unstable mind caught somewhere between reality and a horrific nightmare, with a man who may or may not have committed murder. I was curious to see how other readers interpreted this book, but I found they were just as lost as I was. This book marks a time when I plunged headfirst into the macabre world of dark, disturbing literature, and it certainly delivers on that front.

Can I recommend it? Yes, if only to spark a conversation about what the heck actually happened in it. Enjoy the ride—but be prepared for a truly perplexing experience!