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These Secret Years
Four years of keeping secrets, telling lies, and finding the love of a lifetime
Sullivan
They say I have a gift because music is as easy as breathing for me. The true gift, however, is the first breath of freedom I’ve had in years—college, bought and paid for by the man who holds my future in his greedy, roaming hands. The first weekend away from him is everything I ever dreamed college would be—a chance to live my own life, form true friendships, and then there’s Knight Winters. The incoming quarterback at our new school who grew up in my hometown is a surprise to me in every way. He makes me question everything. My sexuality, my future, and every mistake I’ve ever made.
Knight
Becoming the starting quarterback at this school is all part of a plan set in motion since I was old enough to hold a football. As the son of a football giant, playing in the NFL has always been the dream. Here at the University of Southern Missouri, I’m on my way to making it come true. The only thing I have to give up is who I am. I’ve known I was gay for as long as I can remember, but it’s the secret I have to keep to have the life I’ve always wanted.
Meeting Sullivan wasn’t part of the plan. From that first night, the attraction, the chemistry, the instant connection has been impossible to push aside and pretend none of it matters. He’s brilliant, he’s beautiful, and he has secrets, too, secrets that are on the verge of breaking him. My obsession ebbs and flows with the seasons here at school, but when we’re back in our hometown, I find myself with a choice I never thought I’d have to make: whether football can give me the life I want, or if it’s him.
THESE SECRET YEARS is a high angst MM romance that takes place over four years of college. A forbidden love story featuring a college quarterback and a music prodigy, it contains heavy themes, plenty of spice, found family, hurt/comfort and a grumpy/sunshine dynamic. This coming of age story should be read with caution. Please check triggers prior to reading. 18+
Sullivan
They say I have a gift because music is as easy as breathing for me. The true gift, however, is the first breath of freedom I’ve had in years—college, bought and paid for by the man who holds my future in his greedy, roaming hands. The first weekend away from him is everything I ever dreamed college would be—a chance to live my own life, form true friendships, and then there’s Knight Winters. The incoming quarterback at our new school who grew up in my hometown is a surprise to me in every way. He makes me question everything. My sexuality, my future, and every mistake I’ve ever made.
Knight
Becoming the starting quarterback at this school is all part of a plan set in motion since I was old enough to hold a football. As the son of a football giant, playing in the NFL has always been the dream. Here at the University of Southern Missouri, I’m on my way to making it come true. The only thing I have to give up is who I am. I’ve known I was gay for as long as I can remember, but it’s the secret I have to keep to have the life I’ve always wanted.
Meeting Sullivan wasn’t part of the plan. From that first night, the attraction, the chemistry, the instant connection has been impossible to push aside and pretend none of it matters. He’s brilliant, he’s beautiful, and he has secrets, too, secrets that are on the verge of breaking him. My obsession ebbs and flows with the seasons here at school, but when we’re back in our hometown, I find myself with a choice I never thought I’d have to make: whether football can give me the life I want, or if it’s him.
THESE SECRET YEARS is a high angst MM romance that takes place over four years of college. A forbidden love story featuring a college quarterback and a music prodigy, it contains heavy themes, plenty of spice, found family, hurt/comfort and a grumpy/sunshine dynamic. This coming of age story should be read with caution. Please check triggers prior to reading. 18+
482 pages, Kindle Edition
Published August 28, 2026
About the author
August Jones
20 books406 followersAugust Jones (She/They) is an author of queer romance and a voracious reader of smut. She resides in Texas with her family, pets, and books. However, she reads mostly on her phone because she’s cheap, it has a built in backlight, and it’s almost always in her hand.
If you ever discover her real name, don’t tell her, just read the books she’s published (you’ll like them) and thank her later with a rating or review. Mwah!
Books: KU, Paperback, & Audio
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If you ever discover her real name, don’t tell her, just read the books she’s published (you’ll like them) and thank her later with a rating or review. Mwah!
Books: KU, Paperback, & Audio
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 119 reviews
August 30, 2026
This was my first book by this author, and I picked it up after seeing a few reviews. Please check your trigger warnings before picking this up. This is a heavy, angsty read that deals with some intense subject matter.
I could feel the chemistry between Sullivan and Knight very quickly into this book. I loved the tension of their forbidden, secret dynamic.I love that Sullivan could not care less about sports. He doesn't even know what the Super Bowl is, so Knight being a quarterback doesn’t impress him at all. Then Knight is just a big, loving softie underneath it all. Watching these two navigate their painful healing journeys together was beautiful and heartbreaking.
I was desperate to find out the terms of the agreement between Adrian and Sullivan. The author drops hints constantly throughout the book and this builds up to a devastating reveal of decisions based on sheer desperation. I also really appreciated the gut wrenching look at how easily new musicians can be taken advantage of in the industry.
The last third of the book did have some pacing issues that caused me to lose a little interest. I overall really enjoyed this story and I can’t wait to check out more from this author.
I could feel the chemistry between Sullivan and Knight very quickly into this book. I loved the tension of their forbidden, secret dynamic.I love that Sullivan could not care less about sports. He doesn't even know what the Super Bowl is, so Knight being a quarterback doesn’t impress him at all. Then Knight is just a big, loving softie underneath it all. Watching these two navigate their painful healing journeys together was beautiful and heartbreaking.
I was desperate to find out the terms of the agreement between Adrian and Sullivan. The author drops hints constantly throughout the book and this builds up to a devastating reveal of decisions based on sheer desperation. I also really appreciated the gut wrenching look at how easily new musicians can be taken advantage of in the industry.
The last third of the book did have some pacing issues that caused me to lose a little interest. I overall really enjoyed this story and I can’t wait to check out more from this author.
August 31, 2026
I really enjoyed this story. It kept me hooked, with a plot that felt consistent and believable throughout.
That being said, this book definitely won’t be for everyone. There’s a lot that is dark, uncomfortable, and morally wrong in this story.
So, here are my 2 unsolicited pieces of advice: 😖
First, if you tend to judge a character’s actions morally and base your rating on whether you agree with their choices, you probably won’t enjoy this book. One of the things that made the story interesting to me was precisely the complexity of a character who is driven to take the “wrong” path as a way out of the life they’re trapped in. There were nasty people in here.
For me, a character doesn’t need to make the right choices, or even be a good person, for their story to be compelling. And I get that not everyone is the same.
The second thing to consider is trigger warnings.
As I said, this is a dark read, and it deals with some disturbing themes. If you’re a sensitive reader or someone who relies on trigger warnings, definitely check them before going in.
It was my first read by this author, and I found it very difficult to put down. Definitely checking her other books!
That being said, this book definitely won’t be for everyone. There’s a lot that is dark, uncomfortable, and morally wrong in this story.
So, here are my 2 unsolicited pieces of advice: 😖
First, if you tend to judge a character’s actions morally and base your rating on whether you agree with their choices, you probably won’t enjoy this book. One of the things that made the story interesting to me was precisely the complexity of a character who is driven to take the “wrong” path as a way out of the life they’re trapped in. There were nasty people in here.
For me, a character doesn’t need to make the right choices, or even be a good person, for their story to be compelling. And I get that not everyone is the same.
The second thing to consider is trigger warnings.
As I said, this is a dark read, and it deals with some disturbing themes. If you’re a sensitive reader or someone who relies on trigger warnings, definitely check them before going in.
It was my first read by this author, and I found it very difficult to put down. Definitely checking her other books!
August 29, 2026
5🌟 | 3🌶️
This book completely blindsided me with how deeply I ended up feeling everything.
Knight and Sullivan completely pulled me in, and I loved how their relationship grew from something secret and complicated into something neither could walk away from. Knight’s patience, protectiveness, and devotion to Sullivan absolutely got me.
This book put me through every possible emotion. Sullivan’s journey broke my heart, while the softer moments between them, especially Knight supporting his music, gave me so many reasons to smile. I also adored the found family and how much these characters changed over the years.
This was so much more than the fluffy college romance I expected, and I honestly wouldn’t change that. I cried, got angry, swooned, and desperately needed that HEA after everything these two went through.
If you like your romances emotional, character-driven, and a little devastating, this one is worth picking up.
~~~~
A huge thank you to August Jones and The Author Agency for the ARC! 😍 All my bookish thoughts are completely my own. ✨
This book completely blindsided me with how deeply I ended up feeling everything.
Knight and Sullivan completely pulled me in, and I loved how their relationship grew from something secret and complicated into something neither could walk away from. Knight’s patience, protectiveness, and devotion to Sullivan absolutely got me.
This book put me through every possible emotion. Sullivan’s journey broke my heart, while the softer moments between them, especially Knight supporting his music, gave me so many reasons to smile. I also adored the found family and how much these characters changed over the years.
This was so much more than the fluffy college romance I expected, and I honestly wouldn’t change that. I cried, got angry, swooned, and desperately needed that HEA after everything these two went through.
If you like your romances emotional, character-driven, and a little devastating, this one is worth picking up.
~~~~
A huge thank you to August Jones and The Author Agency for the ARC! 😍 All my bookish thoughts are completely my own. ✨
October 4, 2026
Usually, the core plot of this story should have been right up my alley, and I'm not someone easy to trigger—but this bloated-ass writing style made me tap out at 20% max. All the endless, wandering fluff for pointless trivial details literally makes me want to call the cops for page-count padding.
After reading some other reviews, I've officially decided to ditch this book and part ways with this author entirely.
Aside from the endless word vomit, another thing that completely broke my brain was Sullivan's violin prodigy background. The guy grew up in a tiny northern Michigan lakeside town that didn't even have a hospital and only had one high school—so it's safe to assume musical education resources were basically non-existent. His family was definitely not well-off or happy. His first violin was a thrift-store find, and he was entirely self-taught via YouTube until he was 16, when he finally took his very first private lesson after catching the eye of a literal predator.
With all these odds stacked against him in a way that defies all common sense, he still manages to get accepted into a college music program? Sure, Sullivan has his predator sponsor footing the tuition fee, but how much control would the conductor of some random, un-nameable 'biggest symphony orchestra in Missouri' even have over a university? I still can't buy how Sullivan passed the audition for the University of Missouri School of Music.
We are talking about the VIOLIN here—spelled with ALL CAPS, universally recognised as a nightmare to master! Not some folk guitar where you just strum a few chords off YouTube and start singing. The author just magically conjured up this 'genius' out of thin air, without even bothering to name one single actual violin or cello piece in the entire book! It's honestly so laughable to every kid who actually practises their ass off in music since they were little and every parent who pours time and money into raising them. Just ridiculous!
After reading some other reviews, I've officially decided to ditch this book and part ways with this author entirely.
Aside from the endless word vomit, another thing that completely broke my brain was Sullivan's violin prodigy background. The guy grew up in a tiny northern Michigan lakeside town that didn't even have a hospital and only had one high school—so it's safe to assume musical education resources were basically non-existent. His family was definitely not well-off or happy. His first violin was a thrift-store find, and he was entirely self-taught via YouTube until he was 16, when he finally took his very first private lesson after catching the eye of a literal predator.
With all these odds stacked against him in a way that defies all common sense, he still manages to get accepted into a college music program? Sure, Sullivan has his predator sponsor footing the tuition fee, but how much control would the conductor of some random, un-nameable 'biggest symphony orchestra in Missouri' even have over a university? I still can't buy how Sullivan passed the audition for the University of Missouri School of Music.
We are talking about the VIOLIN here—spelled with ALL CAPS, universally recognised as a nightmare to master! Not some folk guitar where you just strum a few chords off YouTube and start singing. The author just magically conjured up this 'genius' out of thin air, without even bothering to name one single actual violin or cello piece in the entire book! It's honestly so laughable to every kid who actually practises their ass off in music since they were little and every parent who pours time and money into raising them. Just ridiculous!
September 9, 2026
Ohhhh, what a journey this one was, seriously, buckle up you guys 🤧
This story contains some heavy topics, so definitely check the tw-list before reading 🌸
Knight and Sullivan really started off strong. There was so much going on between them and things got pretty intense soon.
They are really opposites, but not in the things that matter and hold them togehter. The "who did this to you" trope hits different with these two, believe me 🙂↕️
I just love this author's work, like every single book I pick up is simply amazing in their unique way.
I loved the way they love each other 🥺
This story contains some heavy topics, so definitely check the tw-list before reading 🌸
Knight and Sullivan really started off strong. There was so much going on between them and things got pretty intense soon.
They are really opposites, but not in the things that matter and hold them togehter. The "who did this to you" trope hits different with these two, believe me 🙂↕️
I just love this author's work, like every single book I pick up is simply amazing in their unique way.
I loved the way they love each other 🥺
Did Not Finish
August 28, 2026Did I DNF? Yes. Would I still absolutely recommend this book? ABSOLUTELY YES.
I know it’s cliché to say, “it’s not you, it’s me.” But in the case of These Secret Years, it is 100% me.
I read the trigger warnings and knew what I was getting into. However, I didn’t take into account that this content and these dark topics were in August Jones' incredibly skilled hands and would leave me feeling so beyond angsty.
This book is heavy in a very beautiful way, and I am just not in the place to continue. Sullivan is a complicated person in an incredibly complicated situation, and while Knight is a sweetheart, his situation is not easy either.
But, please, please, please do not take my DNF as a slight against this book. August Jones is an amazing writer, and this book deserves an audience.
I know it’s cliché to say, “it’s not you, it’s me.” But in the case of These Secret Years, it is 100% me.
I read the trigger warnings and knew what I was getting into. However, I didn’t take into account that this content and these dark topics were in August Jones' incredibly skilled hands and would leave me feeling so beyond angsty.
This book is heavy in a very beautiful way, and I am just not in the place to continue. Sullivan is a complicated person in an incredibly complicated situation, and while Knight is a sweetheart, his situation is not easy either.
But, please, please, please do not take my DNF as a slight against this book. August Jones is an amazing writer, and this book deserves an audience.
October 5, 2026
This book is so full of pain yet I couldn't put it down. I cried through so much of it. I don't regret it. Maybe I'm a masochist, but this level of angst is just my forte. One of the top reads of the year for me. As indicated in the acknowledgements, there may be more of these two in the future. And I sure hope that's true. I could read 5 more books of these two. For some people, books over 350 pages is too long for them. For me, I just know it's a sign that the book is well-thought out. It has a substantial plot. It builds and builds. It's a hard-fought love story. To me, a love that you have to fight for is one that is worth it. That's what this book is.
September 24, 2026
My favorite August Jones book so far! This one really hit the spot for me. I’m such a sucker for yearning and angst, and this had me hurting so good. ❤️🩹
August 30, 2026
Damn I just raved about this author on Reddit (for The Heir's Disgrace). Didn't know this book existed. Was super excited to start it.
I don't think the CWs adequately prepare the reader for how SA occurs in detail throughout the entire book. I am really grateful that rather than taking that CW at face value I inside searched the assailant's name and saw how frequently it comes up and that these are ongoing assaults, not just something from the past where maybe there's a flashback.
I have no clue how it's possible to read a romance book and escape into it and have one of the characters deal with constant descriptive SA.
Yikes! I don't really think this can be classified as a romance to be honest.
I don't think the CWs adequately prepare the reader for how SA occurs in detail throughout the entire book. I am really grateful that rather than taking that CW at face value I inside searched the assailant's name and saw how frequently it comes up and that these are ongoing assaults, not just something from the past where maybe there's a flashback.
I have no clue how it's possible to read a romance book and escape into it and have one of the characters deal with constant descriptive SA.
Yikes! I don't really think this can be classified as a romance to be honest.
won-t-read-bc-nopes
August 31, 2026Another AJ book that sounds dreadful for me but great for other people. 😭
TW for SA, I see in reviews that it does happen late in the book.
Read with grace friends. I hope you eventually smile through your tears.
TW for SA, I see in reviews that it does happen late in the book.
Read with grace friends. I hope you eventually smile through your tears.
August 15, 2026
✨May contain spoilers✨
I don’t think I’ve ever loved any of August’s books the way I absolutely fell in love with this one. It was so beautiful from how the emotions are splayed right open and I was here for how it made me feel.
Knight and Sullivan are so perfect for one another. I truly fell in love with how Knight was with Sullivan. When he finds out what Sullivan had been going through, I felt for Knight. I wanted to protect Sullivan no matter the cost just exactly like Knight did.
And ugh, I love how Knight helps Sullivan when he becomes his tutor. My favorite part was when Knight got Sullivan a freaking violin. Perfect guy right there. I’m such a fan of when a character gives gifts and this hit the spot so perfectly.
This book hit all the emotions, especially when a certain situation happens towards the end of the book. And that’s when one of the MC’s goes through a tough time.
So much in this book I wanted to hurt Quinn and Adrian. My heart broke when Sullivan tried to leave and god 🥺
I really loved Sullivan and everything about him. His girlfriend, Chelsea, I couldn’t even find it to hate her because she had been through some stuff. I also loved the conversation that Chelsea and Sullivan had about being queer. I was in it for that conversation.
If you’re not expecting to go through your emotions and have your heart break multiple times; you’re out of your mind. I just love seeing the transition of these amazing characters. The found family in this book has to be one of my favorite to say the least.
I hope we get to see some of these characters in the meant future.
If you’re looking for a book that makes you cry and feel so many emotions, makes you wanting to throw your kindle across the room, a protective mc, this book is for you. If you have certain triggers, I would recommend not going into this book blind but this book is sooooo amazing!
I received a copy of this book and this is my honest review.
I don’t think I’ve ever loved any of August’s books the way I absolutely fell in love with this one. It was so beautiful from how the emotions are splayed right open and I was here for how it made me feel.
Knight and Sullivan are so perfect for one another. I truly fell in love with how Knight was with Sullivan. When he finds out what Sullivan had been going through, I felt for Knight. I wanted to protect Sullivan no matter the cost just exactly like Knight did.
And ugh, I love how Knight helps Sullivan when he becomes his tutor. My favorite part was when Knight got Sullivan a freaking violin. Perfect guy right there. I’m such a fan of when a character gives gifts and this hit the spot so perfectly.
This book hit all the emotions, especially when a certain situation happens towards the end of the book. And that’s when one of the MC’s goes through a tough time.
So much in this book I wanted to hurt Quinn and Adrian. My heart broke when Sullivan tried to leave and god 🥺
I really loved Sullivan and everything about him. His girlfriend, Chelsea, I couldn’t even find it to hate her because she had been through some stuff. I also loved the conversation that Chelsea and Sullivan had about being queer. I was in it for that conversation.
If you’re not expecting to go through your emotions and have your heart break multiple times; you’re out of your mind. I just love seeing the transition of these amazing characters. The found family in this book has to be one of my favorite to say the least.
I hope we get to see some of these characters in the meant future.
If you’re looking for a book that makes you cry and feel so many emotions, makes you wanting to throw your kindle across the room, a protective mc, this book is for you. If you have certain triggers, I would recommend not going into this book blind but this book is sooooo amazing!
I received a copy of this book and this is my honest review.
August 19, 2026
This was my very first ARC read and one I was very excited to read. If you’re looking for a fluffy MM college romance this is not the book for you. However if you’re looking to have your heart repeatedly stomped on then put back together, this is the book for you. I’m a reader who will happily let an author destroy me for 500 pages if I know I get my happy ending.
I thought the story taking place over the course of 4 years might end up dragging but it really didn’t. Most of Knight and Sullivan’s time apart happened off page. Sullivan is a profoundly broken human when we met him and, frankly, is still pretty fucked up at the end. Knight seems to (mostly) have his shit together, but things are not always as they seem.
There was surprisingly little of actual football in the story so if actual sports in your sports books aren’t your thing, this is a good choice. 4 stars instead of 5 for the third act breakup and subsequent rushed ending. Overall I really enjoyed this book and will definitely purchase it.
I thought the story taking place over the course of 4 years might end up dragging but it really didn’t. Most of Knight and Sullivan’s time apart happened off page. Sullivan is a profoundly broken human when we met him and, frankly, is still pretty fucked up at the end. Knight seems to (mostly) have his shit together, but things are not always as they seem.
There was surprisingly little of actual football in the story so if actual sports in your sports books aren’t your thing, this is a good choice. 4 stars instead of 5 for the third act breakup and subsequent rushed ending. Overall I really enjoyed this book and will definitely purchase it.
August 28, 2026
August Jones is a fantastic author whose books have delighted me since The Handler. That said, this one just didn’t grab me and hold me hostage like her previous books. I know Sullivan was having REAL, hard-to-come-back-from problems, but I just didn’t like that guy and I definitely didn’t understand what Knight, this perfect human specimen, saw in him. I really love the way Jones writes, however, and will always be reaching for her next book even though this one didn’t float my boat. I think I might just be aging out of reading about college kids, no matter how well the characters are written.
August 27, 2026
I received this book as an ARC but these are my honest thoughts and opinions. Let me start by saying please please read the trigger warnings. This book was absolutely beautifully written. Unfortunately, this one just wasn’t for me. I usually enjoy a high angst book but this one was a little overwhelming. I was stressed the entire time. I felt like i couldn’t really enjoy the story itself because I was waiting for the eventual sexual assault that was going to happen at every break from school. That was probably a completely me thing so i still gave this book 4/5 stars because the story and writing style was genuinely beautiful.
August 28, 2026
"One of the great ironies of my life is that I have a family who would totally accept me no matter what, but I fell head over heels on love with the idea of a future that won't"
These Secret Years
OMG!!!!! This book. This story. These characters. They absolutely took my breath away. ❤️
August is such an incredible storyteller and writer. She gives you just enough to keep you completely captivated, and every word, every page, every layer she builds leaves you feeling so deeply for her characters. Going into this book, I knew I was getting a good story, but August gave me so much more. She left me feeling everything.
And in my opinion, that is what sets her books apart. The sheer amount of emotion she draws from her readers. She makes you not only love her characters and want to protect them, but makes you feel proud of them. I love the thought, care, and intention she puts into each of them. Does she make them hurt? Absolutely. But she also gives them love, tenderness, strength, and the opportunity to heal. She brings a splash of reality to her stories while still giving us the deeply deserved HEA we all crave as readers.
There are little pieces of ourselves we can see in these characters, and somehow, their strength and courage inspire us to find a little more of our own.
And in this story, that was Knite and Sullivan.
From the very beginning, these two were drawn to each other. Both carrying secrets about who they truly were, secrets they needed to protect from the world and, eventually, from each other. Their story also brings a painful reality to the surface, the cruelty of a world where your career, your dreams, and everything you’ve worked for can be ripped away simply because of who you love or who you’re attracted to.
For Knite, his number one goal was the NFL. And then, from the very first moment he laid eyes on Sullivan, something began falling into place. There he was, his person, his love, neither of them understanding what they had found in each other yet.
Sullivan is a brilliant prodigy who, unfortunately, fell into the wrong hands at a young age, believing he was being offered guidance and training for his music. When the reality of what his life would become set in, he gave up on himself in ways that broke my heart. And then he met Knite.
Semester after semester. Year after year. Life kept putting them in each other’s path. Confessions were made. Walls slowly came down. And eventually, they gave in to the feelings that had been there all along.
But sometimes, love alone isn't enough.
Trust has to be earned. Trust has to be built, with blood, sweat, tears, and vulnerability. And once you find it, it has to be protected.
I am so incredibly happy that, in the end, it was that trust that kept Knite and Sullivan together through everything. Sullivan’s life was not easy. Knite’s struggles were different, but no less difficult. And somehow, they both survived because they found something in each other that was worth fighting for: trust, love, and a reason to keep going.
This book is such a beautiful reminder that life, real life, can be unforgiving. Not everyone is worthy of your trust. But when you find someone who is? Give it. Protect it. Cherish it.
Because life is fragile, but it is also so incredibly worth living.
I absolutely, wholeheartedly loved this book. I loved this story, these characters, and the way August told it. I finished this book feeling emotional, grateful, proud, and genuinely inspired by Knite and Sullivan.
What an absolutely beautiful story. ❤️
These Secret Years
OMG!!!!! This book. This story. These characters. They absolutely took my breath away. ❤️
August is such an incredible storyteller and writer. She gives you just enough to keep you completely captivated, and every word, every page, every layer she builds leaves you feeling so deeply for her characters. Going into this book, I knew I was getting a good story, but August gave me so much more. She left me feeling everything.
And in my opinion, that is what sets her books apart. The sheer amount of emotion she draws from her readers. She makes you not only love her characters and want to protect them, but makes you feel proud of them. I love the thought, care, and intention she puts into each of them. Does she make them hurt? Absolutely. But she also gives them love, tenderness, strength, and the opportunity to heal. She brings a splash of reality to her stories while still giving us the deeply deserved HEA we all crave as readers.
There are little pieces of ourselves we can see in these characters, and somehow, their strength and courage inspire us to find a little more of our own.
And in this story, that was Knite and Sullivan.
From the very beginning, these two were drawn to each other. Both carrying secrets about who they truly were, secrets they needed to protect from the world and, eventually, from each other. Their story also brings a painful reality to the surface, the cruelty of a world where your career, your dreams, and everything you’ve worked for can be ripped away simply because of who you love or who you’re attracted to.
For Knite, his number one goal was the NFL. And then, from the very first moment he laid eyes on Sullivan, something began falling into place. There he was, his person, his love, neither of them understanding what they had found in each other yet.
Sullivan is a brilliant prodigy who, unfortunately, fell into the wrong hands at a young age, believing he was being offered guidance and training for his music. When the reality of what his life would become set in, he gave up on himself in ways that broke my heart. And then he met Knite.
Semester after semester. Year after year. Life kept putting them in each other’s path. Confessions were made. Walls slowly came down. And eventually, they gave in to the feelings that had been there all along.
But sometimes, love alone isn't enough.
Trust has to be earned. Trust has to be built, with blood, sweat, tears, and vulnerability. And once you find it, it has to be protected.
I am so incredibly happy that, in the end, it was that trust that kept Knite and Sullivan together through everything. Sullivan’s life was not easy. Knite’s struggles were different, but no less difficult. And somehow, they both survived because they found something in each other that was worth fighting for: trust, love, and a reason to keep going.
This book is such a beautiful reminder that life, real life, can be unforgiving. Not everyone is worthy of your trust. But when you find someone who is? Give it. Protect it. Cherish it.
Because life is fragile, but it is also so incredibly worth living.
I absolutely, wholeheartedly loved this book. I loved this story, these characters, and the way August told it. I finished this book feeling emotional, grateful, proud, and genuinely inspired by Knite and Sullivan.
What an absolutely beautiful story. ❤️
August 29, 2026
4 Stars
This story was so frustrating at times. Once you get Sullivan’s full story and what he’s going through, you can understand his actions, but throughout the first half of the story he just wasn’t likable. I wanted to give up and close the book so many times because I just really disliked Sullivan.
Now, when it came to Knight, I absolutely adored him from the very beginning of the story. He was so sweet and caring.
This wasn’t an easy read. It was beyond angsty and every time I thought oh, finally, they get to be happy, the author threw another curveball in their way. They truly had to work for their happy ending and I wasn’t sure they’d ever get there.
The story was enjoyable, but for me, there was too much inner-dialogue at times and I often felt I just wanted to skip ahead to get to the meat of the story. Still, it’s a recommendable read, just be sure to bring your tissues and perhaps a punching bag for to get out your frustrations.
*book provided to Bayou Book Junkie in exchange for an honest review*
This story was so frustrating at times. Once you get Sullivan’s full story and what he’s going through, you can understand his actions, but throughout the first half of the story he just wasn’t likable. I wanted to give up and close the book so many times because I just really disliked Sullivan.
Now, when it came to Knight, I absolutely adored him from the very beginning of the story. He was so sweet and caring.
This wasn’t an easy read. It was beyond angsty and every time I thought oh, finally, they get to be happy, the author threw another curveball in their way. They truly had to work for their happy ending and I wasn’t sure they’d ever get there.
The story was enjoyable, but for me, there was too much inner-dialogue at times and I often felt I just wanted to skip ahead to get to the meat of the story. Still, it’s a recommendable read, just be sure to bring your tissues and perhaps a punching bag for to get out your frustrations.
*book provided to Bayou Book Junkie in exchange for an honest review*
Did Not Finish
August 31, 2026Did not even make it 20% in, way too fast insta and tropes I don’t like
August 30, 2026
** Sullivan the Musical Prodigy and Knight the starting Quarterback **
What a journey. What a story. This book requires a long stretch of uninterrupted time, a comfy couch to read on and plenty of snacks. Check those trigger warnings and proceed with caution because we aren't pulling punches in this one.
First things first. This is a slow burn. I don't mean spice wise - because if there is one thing that these two have going for them it's their chemistry and attraction to one another, no I'm talking about a slow burn for the feels and the eventual HEA because this book takes place over roughly FOUR YEARS of their lives while in college. If you're expecting or needing declarations of love being flung around left and right, you're going to be quite frustrated because all of that doesn't happen until quite late in the piece given how dedicated these two are to protecting their own hearts due to their somewhat impossible situations.
Imagine meeting someone that you have amazing chemistry and connection with, but who doesn't really fit in with your life due to outside forces of sorts. For Sullivan it's extremely complicated and he has layers upon layers of things that he needs to unpack as the story unfolds. For Knight it's about deciding and figuring out how he wants to handle his sexuality and his passion for football since the two don't exactly go hand in hand given the current cultural climate of the game. This book was the embodiment of right person wrong time which made it so incredibly frustrating to read at times, and yet also made their eventual, inevitable relationship so much sweeter given how much they had to work for it.
There were moments throughout when I wanted to hug one or both of them. There were moments when I wanted to knock their heads together and just scream BE HAPPY, CHOOSE HAPPINESS at them. There were moments when I was genuinely so sad for them especially towards the end of the book when major events happen for first Sullivan and then Knight. It was difficult to read at times given all of the challenges that these two were facing and yet... you can't help but keep reading. You can't help but root for these two. You can't help but feel an overwhelming sense of relief when things finally, FINALLY, start to move in the right, positive, healthy direction for them.
If you're a fan of angst. If you're a fan of a slow burn when it comes to emotions. If you're a fan of complicated pasts and twisted presents. If you love a hard earned HEA, then this one is for you!!!
Please note: While this didn't bother me, I know some people prefer to be aware when the characters are intimate with other people prior to reading a romance book. Details for these two and their situation can be found below.
**MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW. DO NOT PROCEED IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE SPOILT**
** I REPEAT MAJOR SPOILERS ** Look away, look away. lol.
Both characters are with other people throughout this book.
For Knight it's one other person, briefly, and doesn't go into a lot of detail, during a time when he and Sullivan weren't really talking.
Sullivan is in a financially coercive 'relationship' (I use that term very loosely) with a disgusting older man (who is already married) and is required to go and stay with him (and his husband) at times throughout the book. While Sullivan doesn't actually want to engage in any sort of physical activity with him/them he does. These moments are both on page and mentioned/referred to throughout as they have a huge impact on Sullivan's mental health and self-worth.
Sullivan also has a girlfriend early in the book, whom he is physical with, these moments are mentioned more than detailed. Later, they break up, remain friends and are living together. During this time Sullivan is exploring ways to gain financial freedom by offering particular services to other dudes of the oral variety.
Sullivan cheats on his girlfriend when hooking up with Knight early in the book. He does tell his girlfriend and the two come to an understanding. He never technically cheats on Knight because during the time periods when he is dealing with the disgusting financial controller and dabbling in oral services, they are not exclusive and Knight is somewhat aware of the situation. Once they decide to actually give things a go (later in the book), they only sleep with one another.
What a journey. What a story. This book requires a long stretch of uninterrupted time, a comfy couch to read on and plenty of snacks. Check those trigger warnings and proceed with caution because we aren't pulling punches in this one.
First things first. This is a slow burn. I don't mean spice wise - because if there is one thing that these two have going for them it's their chemistry and attraction to one another, no I'm talking about a slow burn for the feels and the eventual HEA because this book takes place over roughly FOUR YEARS of their lives while in college. If you're expecting or needing declarations of love being flung around left and right, you're going to be quite frustrated because all of that doesn't happen until quite late in the piece given how dedicated these two are to protecting their own hearts due to their somewhat impossible situations.
Imagine meeting someone that you have amazing chemistry and connection with, but who doesn't really fit in with your life due to outside forces of sorts. For Sullivan it's extremely complicated and he has layers upon layers of things that he needs to unpack as the story unfolds. For Knight it's about deciding and figuring out how he wants to handle his sexuality and his passion for football since the two don't exactly go hand in hand given the current cultural climate of the game. This book was the embodiment of right person wrong time which made it so incredibly frustrating to read at times, and yet also made their eventual, inevitable relationship so much sweeter given how much they had to work for it.
There were moments throughout when I wanted to hug one or both of them. There were moments when I wanted to knock their heads together and just scream BE HAPPY, CHOOSE HAPPINESS at them. There were moments when I was genuinely so sad for them especially towards the end of the book when major events happen for first Sullivan and then Knight. It was difficult to read at times given all of the challenges that these two were facing and yet... you can't help but keep reading. You can't help but root for these two. You can't help but feel an overwhelming sense of relief when things finally, FINALLY, start to move in the right, positive, healthy direction for them.
If you're a fan of angst. If you're a fan of a slow burn when it comes to emotions. If you're a fan of complicated pasts and twisted presents. If you love a hard earned HEA, then this one is for you!!!
Please note: While this didn't bother me, I know some people prefer to be aware when the characters are intimate with other people prior to reading a romance book. Details for these two and their situation can be found below.
**MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW. DO NOT PROCEED IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE SPOILT**
** I REPEAT MAJOR SPOILERS ** Look away, look away. lol.
Both characters are with other people throughout this book.
For Knight it's one other person, briefly, and doesn't go into a lot of detail, during a time when he and Sullivan weren't really talking.
Sullivan is in a financially coercive 'relationship' (I use that term very loosely) with a disgusting older man (who is already married) and is required to go and stay with him (and his husband) at times throughout the book. While Sullivan doesn't actually want to engage in any sort of physical activity with him/them he does. These moments are both on page and mentioned/referred to throughout as they have a huge impact on Sullivan's mental health and self-worth.
Sullivan also has a girlfriend early in the book, whom he is physical with, these moments are mentioned more than detailed. Later, they break up, remain friends and are living together. During this time Sullivan is exploring ways to gain financial freedom by offering particular services to other dudes of the oral variety.
Sullivan cheats on his girlfriend when hooking up with Knight early in the book. He does tell his girlfriend and the two come to an understanding. He never technically cheats on Knight because during the time periods when he is dealing with the disgusting financial controller and dabbling in oral services, they are not exclusive and Knight is somewhat aware of the situation. Once they decide to actually give things a go (later in the book), they only sleep with one another.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 4, 2026
Four years of keeping secrets, telling lies, and finding the love of a lifetime.
These Secret Years is a high angst MM romance that takes place over four years of college. A forbidden love story featuring a college quarterback and a music prodigy. It contains heavy themes, plenty of spice, found family, hurt/comfort, and a grumpy/sunshine dynamic. This coming of age story should be read with caution. Please check triggers prior to reading.
First thing I did when I finished this book was reach out to @authoraugustjones and let her
know that this book gets all the stars since my review wasn’t going live until today and I
NEEDED her to know how much I loved this book.
I do not know why I do this to myself. I read books that warn me of “high angst” and then get so invested in the characters & their story that I go through everything from goosebumps & happy tears to sweaty palm anxiety and scenes that make my stomach hurt.
This book is so much more than an opposites attract, jock & music nerd trope. I don’t even
want to say anything else because you have to go into this book with zero spoilers other than knowing there is sooooo much angst. (Spoilers does not = triggers. This book includes some heavy topics, so please do what is best for you to protect your mental health.)
Knight & Sullivan each go through uniquely profound situations that shape them as individuals & ultimately craft their relationship. Their experiences are absolutely relevant, beautifully written, and appropriately detailed. This book felt like real life…like feelings anyone can and likely has experienced at some point in their life.
All. The. Stars.
These Secret Years is a high angst MM romance that takes place over four years of college. A forbidden love story featuring a college quarterback and a music prodigy. It contains heavy themes, plenty of spice, found family, hurt/comfort, and a grumpy/sunshine dynamic. This coming of age story should be read with caution. Please check triggers prior to reading.
First thing I did when I finished this book was reach out to @authoraugustjones and let her
know that this book gets all the stars since my review wasn’t going live until today and I
NEEDED her to know how much I loved this book.
I do not know why I do this to myself. I read books that warn me of “high angst” and then get so invested in the characters & their story that I go through everything from goosebumps & happy tears to sweaty palm anxiety and scenes that make my stomach hurt.
This book is so much more than an opposites attract, jock & music nerd trope. I don’t even
want to say anything else because you have to go into this book with zero spoilers other than knowing there is sooooo much angst. (Spoilers does not = triggers. This book includes some heavy topics, so please do what is best for you to protect your mental health.)
Knight & Sullivan each go through uniquely profound situations that shape them as individuals & ultimately craft their relationship. Their experiences are absolutely relevant, beautifully written, and appropriately detailed. This book felt like real life…like feelings anyone can and likely has experienced at some point in their life.
All. The. Stars.
Review of advance copy received from Altro
ARC REVIEW
THESE SECRET YEARS di August Jones
Recensione: These Secret years è un romanzo autoconclusivo di August Jones. La storia è ambientata al college e descrive ben 4 anni. I protagonisti sono Knight, giocatore di football americano e Sullivan, musicista prodigio. I due si conosceranno nel primo weekend del primo anno di college durante un torneo di Uno. I due da subito proveranno attrazione l’uno per l’altro e cominceranno questa storia tira e molla che durerà anni. I due provengono dalla stessa cittadina e infatti i due si incontreranno spesso a casa. Knight è da subito attratto e molto preso da Sullivan, ma volendosi concentrare solo sulla sua carriera di giocatore professionista, gli chiede di tenere la relazione segreta. Anche Sullivan ha molti segreti e questo li porterà ad avere una relazione fatta di alti e bassi. Sullivan è il primo per Knight e ammetto che verso i primi capitoli ho tifato molto per la loro relazione… ma poi… Non lo so… Questo romanzo mi ha fatto arrabbiare.
Ma prima partiamo dalle cose belle di questo libro: la scrittura di August Jones è meravigliosa, ti fa entrare dentro il libro e ti dimentichi anche di dove ti trovi. Ammetto che ero molto spaventata per il numero di pagine (490) e temevo di metterci una vita a leggerlo invece me lo sono divorata! Ho adorato Knight, è il mio preferito in questa storia e anche i gemelli e Deandre li ho adorati. Una delle mie scene preferite del libro è stata quando Sullivan entra in una casa abbandonata e che è una di quelle che la madre di Knight sta cercando di vendere. Sullivan la ama perché gli piace il suono che producono i suoi strumenti musicali nella camera da letto. Sentendo la musica, Knight andrà a controllare e troverà Sullivan.
I due all’inizio mi piacevano e volevo vedere come procedeva la storia. Io adoro le storie ambientate al college e si, sapevo che ci stava angst ma pensavo fosse dovuto o al padre di Knight, ex giocatore professionista o da parte del padre di Sullivan.. Invece l’angst lo crea Sullivan: sin da quando aveva 16 anni un uomo più grande di nome Adrian lo ha preso sotto la sua ala e con la scusa di insegnargli a suonare, ha abusato sessualmente, insieme al marito, di lui. L’uomo gli paga il college ma ad ogni break lo rivuole a casa sua a Detroit per fargli quello che vuole. Dire che ho provato schifo e disgusto per lui e il marito è poco.
Ma questo trauma non permette a Sullivan di maltrattare Knight. Perché io non li ho mai visti davvero presi, anzi, non ho mai visto Sullivan preso da Knight. Knight si è innamorato quasi subito di lui e purtroppo da poco prima di metà libro mi sono chiesta perché Knight si fosse fissato con uno come Sullivan che a parole diceva di tenerci ma a fatti… beh a fatti era meglio se entrambi restavano da soli! Ho avuto vibes da red flag da Sullivan e purtroppo nemmeno l’epilogo mi ha tolto questa sensazione. Troppi problemi irrisolti… Dopo che Knight scopre che Sullivan e la tipa si sono lasciati, ha scoperto che Sullivan fa sesso a pagamento al college, tutti lo sanno, ma è un segreto 👀 (Questa cosa dei segreti è la base del libro, anche se alla fine Knight ha solo il segreto di essere gay, mentre Sullivan ne ha 7843686857683 di cui a Knight non parla e la cosa mi infastidisce perché o si fida di Knight o no).Knight si offrirà di fargli da tutor per delle materie dove non va bene, ma saranno solo amici e non faranno più sesso…(ovviamente richiesta da parte di Sullivan perché a Knight basta che Sullivan respiri per prostrarsi ai suoi piedi).Continuo a pensare che Knight si meriti qualcun altro accanto, ma si è fissato con Sullivan, purtroppo!
Una cosa che mi ha fatto innervosire (si, sempre per Sullivan!!) è che al 90% vuole tornare amico con Knight e ovviamente quando manca un capitolo alla fine si lasciano.
Non so se classificarlo romance, purtroppo io non ho percepito un briciolo di amore e sentimenti in questo libro ma solo tanta tristezza per Knight e rabbia verso Sullivan che non ha avuto una crescita.
5 stelle ad August Jones che è meravigliosa come autrice.
5 stelle a Knight perchè è stato stupendo e meraviglioso tutto il libro (e no, aver paura di fare coming out in uno sport seguitissimo come la NFL non è una colpa, anzi!)
5 stelle agli amici di Knight e Sullivan che avrei voluto conoscere meglio.
1 stella ad Adrian e Marito.
2 stelle a Sullivan perché a parole dice di tenere a Knight ma con i fatti non ci è riuscito. Mi ha dato l’impressione di stronzo egoista dalla prima interazione con Knight.
Libro consigliato solo a quelle persone che nell’angst ci sguazzano. Io ci sguazzo molto meno! ;)
Ho ricevuto una copia ARC in cambio della mia recensione sincera.
English Review: These secret years is a standalone new book by August Jones. I love August Jones and I loved her “bay area bros” series so much! This book is very angsty, my poor heart was shattered when I finished this book. The main characters are KNight, a football player and Sullivan, a Music prodigy. There is the poor-rich boy trope and the college trope that I love. The book is beautifully written, August Jones is amazing, one of my favourite authors. I loved the book, Knight is an amazing character and I wanted to hug him during the book, i felt sorry for him, he wasn’t very lucky with love. He fell in love with Sullivan, another college student. They met the first time at home during a Uno Challenge party. The attraction between them is like a fire and Knight is obsessed with him. Their relationship is 4 years long but not always happy. Ever since Sullivan had 16years old, Adrian, a music teacher, abused him with his husband for years and every college break, he wants him at their home to keep abusing him. Adrian and his husband were horrible and disgusting, I hated them. This book has a lot of angst, and i won’t recommend for fainty hearts. I received an ARC copy in exchange of my honest opinion. Thank you August Jones and The Author Agency!
THESE SECRET YEARS di August Jones
Recensione: These Secret years è un romanzo autoconclusivo di August Jones. La storia è ambientata al college e descrive ben 4 anni. I protagonisti sono Knight, giocatore di football americano e Sullivan, musicista prodigio. I due si conosceranno nel primo weekend del primo anno di college durante un torneo di Uno. I due da subito proveranno attrazione l’uno per l’altro e cominceranno questa storia tira e molla che durerà anni. I due provengono dalla stessa cittadina e infatti i due si incontreranno spesso a casa. Knight è da subito attratto e molto preso da Sullivan, ma volendosi concentrare solo sulla sua carriera di giocatore professionista, gli chiede di tenere la relazione segreta. Anche Sullivan ha molti segreti e questo li porterà ad avere una relazione fatta di alti e bassi. Sullivan è il primo per Knight e ammetto che verso i primi capitoli ho tifato molto per la loro relazione… ma poi… Non lo so… Questo romanzo mi ha fatto arrabbiare.
Ma prima partiamo dalle cose belle di questo libro: la scrittura di August Jones è meravigliosa, ti fa entrare dentro il libro e ti dimentichi anche di dove ti trovi. Ammetto che ero molto spaventata per il numero di pagine (490) e temevo di metterci una vita a leggerlo invece me lo sono divorata! Ho adorato Knight, è il mio preferito in questa storia e anche i gemelli e Deandre li ho adorati. Una delle mie scene preferite del libro è stata quando Sullivan entra in una casa abbandonata e che è una di quelle che la madre di Knight sta cercando di vendere. Sullivan la ama perché gli piace il suono che producono i suoi strumenti musicali nella camera da letto. Sentendo la musica, Knight andrà a controllare e troverà Sullivan.
I due all’inizio mi piacevano e volevo vedere come procedeva la storia. Io adoro le storie ambientate al college e si, sapevo che ci stava angst ma pensavo fosse dovuto o al padre di Knight, ex giocatore professionista o da parte del padre di Sullivan.. Invece l’angst lo crea Sullivan: sin da quando aveva 16 anni un uomo più grande di nome Adrian lo ha preso sotto la sua ala e con la scusa di insegnargli a suonare, ha abusato sessualmente, insieme al marito, di lui. L’uomo gli paga il college ma ad ogni break lo rivuole a casa sua a Detroit per fargli quello che vuole. Dire che ho provato schifo e disgusto per lui e il marito è poco.
Ma questo trauma non permette a Sullivan di maltrattare Knight. Perché io non li ho mai visti davvero presi, anzi, non ho mai visto Sullivan preso da Knight. Knight si è innamorato quasi subito di lui e purtroppo da poco prima di metà libro mi sono chiesta perché Knight si fosse fissato con uno come Sullivan che a parole diceva di tenerci ma a fatti… beh a fatti era meglio se entrambi restavano da soli! Ho avuto vibes da red flag da Sullivan e purtroppo nemmeno l’epilogo mi ha tolto questa sensazione. Troppi problemi irrisolti… Dopo che Knight scopre che Sullivan e la tipa si sono lasciati, ha scoperto che Sullivan fa sesso a pagamento al college, tutti lo sanno, ma è un segreto 👀 (Questa cosa dei segreti è la base del libro, anche se alla fine Knight ha solo il segreto di essere gay, mentre Sullivan ne ha 7843686857683 di cui a Knight non parla e la cosa mi infastidisce perché o si fida di Knight o no).Knight si offrirà di fargli da tutor per delle materie dove non va bene, ma saranno solo amici e non faranno più sesso…(ovviamente richiesta da parte di Sullivan perché a Knight basta che Sullivan respiri per prostrarsi ai suoi piedi).Continuo a pensare che Knight si meriti qualcun altro accanto, ma si è fissato con Sullivan, purtroppo!
Una cosa che mi ha fatto innervosire (si, sempre per Sullivan!!) è che al 90% vuole tornare amico con Knight e ovviamente quando manca un capitolo alla fine si lasciano.
Non so se classificarlo romance, purtroppo io non ho percepito un briciolo di amore e sentimenti in questo libro ma solo tanta tristezza per Knight e rabbia verso Sullivan che non ha avuto una crescita.
5 stelle ad August Jones che è meravigliosa come autrice.
5 stelle a Knight perchè è stato stupendo e meraviglioso tutto il libro (e no, aver paura di fare coming out in uno sport seguitissimo come la NFL non è una colpa, anzi!)
5 stelle agli amici di Knight e Sullivan che avrei voluto conoscere meglio.
1 stella ad Adrian e Marito.
2 stelle a Sullivan perché a parole dice di tenere a Knight ma con i fatti non ci è riuscito. Mi ha dato l’impressione di stronzo egoista dalla prima interazione con Knight.
Libro consigliato solo a quelle persone che nell’angst ci sguazzano. Io ci sguazzo molto meno! ;)
Ho ricevuto una copia ARC in cambio della mia recensione sincera.
English Review: These secret years is a standalone new book by August Jones. I love August Jones and I loved her “bay area bros” series so much! This book is very angsty, my poor heart was shattered when I finished this book. The main characters are KNight, a football player and Sullivan, a Music prodigy. There is the poor-rich boy trope and the college trope that I love. The book is beautifully written, August Jones is amazing, one of my favourite authors. I loved the book, Knight is an amazing character and I wanted to hug him during the book, i felt sorry for him, he wasn’t very lucky with love. He fell in love with Sullivan, another college student. They met the first time at home during a Uno Challenge party. The attraction between them is like a fire and Knight is obsessed with him. Their relationship is 4 years long but not always happy. Ever since Sullivan had 16years old, Adrian, a music teacher, abused him with his husband for years and every college break, he wants him at their home to keep abusing him. Adrian and his husband were horrible and disgusting, I hated them. This book has a lot of angst, and i won’t recommend for fainty hearts. I received an ARC copy in exchange of my honest opinion. Thank you August Jones and The Author Agency!
August 28, 2026
Well, I've cried my eyes out because this book took me through SO many emotions 😭 Knight and Sullivan's story was messy, emotional, bittersweet and beautiful.
I loved their first interactions because the banter and chemistry were already giving. Sullivan is such a sweetheart, and my heart genuinely hurt for everything he had to carry.
Knight was also such a soft boy underneath that big football-player exterior and I loved watching him grow.
The coming-of-age aspect was beautifully written because we actually get to see them change over the years. The angst was really ANGSTING and these two had me going through it with all the separation, fear and misunderstandings. 😭
I loved the family dynamics, the music and football aspects and how their individual struggles shaped their relationship.
This book made me cry, frustrated me, warmed my heart and still had me rooting for these two.
A beautiful, emotional journey with a hard-earned happy ending, I loved every bit of it 💗
I loved their first interactions because the banter and chemistry were already giving. Sullivan is such a sweetheart, and my heart genuinely hurt for everything he had to carry.
Knight was also such a soft boy underneath that big football-player exterior and I loved watching him grow.
The coming-of-age aspect was beautifully written because we actually get to see them change over the years. The angst was really ANGSTING and these two had me going through it with all the separation, fear and misunderstandings. 😭
I loved the family dynamics, the music and football aspects and how their individual struggles shaped their relationship.
This book made me cry, frustrated me, warmed my heart and still had me rooting for these two.
A beautiful, emotional journey with a hard-earned happy ending, I loved every bit of it 💗
September 24, 2026
I loved Knight & Sullivan. There was nothing overly unique about their story, but I enjoyed that it was a quiet kind of love that just developed slowly over time. Things were complicated, but when they were together, it was just "easy".
They had real conversations and listened to each other. They simply enjoyed each other's company.
This was a 5-Star read up until the 60% mark. The story started to slow down at that point and I think it has a lot to do with the length of the book. At nearly 500 pages, it's a bit too long and didn't need to be. The story could have been tightened up and some of the later drama could have been scaled back a bit. I never really skimmed, but I was ready to progress the story ahead.
Still...this was one of the better books that I've read this year and those are few and far between. If you enjoy secret relationships, opposites attract and a dash of trauma/mental health thrown in, it's worth a read.
Nicknames / Endearments: Champ / QB
They had real conversations and listened to each other. They simply enjoyed each other's company.
This was a 5-Star read up until the 60% mark. The story started to slow down at that point and I think it has a lot to do with the length of the book. At nearly 500 pages, it's a bit too long and didn't need to be. The story could have been tightened up and some of the later drama could have been scaled back a bit. I never really skimmed, but I was ready to progress the story ahead.
Still...this was one of the better books that I've read this year and those are few and far between. If you enjoy secret relationships, opposites attract and a dash of trauma/mental health thrown in, it's worth a read.
Nicknames / Endearments: Champ / QB
August 17, 2026
I went into this book blind and am so glad I did because it allowed me to just enjoy it and not have any preconceived notions about it. I was very invested in Sullivan and Knight's relationship from day one. Knight is just an absolute sweet heart! His part of the story really makes you wonder if there are other professional athletes out there struggling the same way he did, which if they are...really breaks my heart. Everyone should have the ability to love who ever they want to love. When it came to Sullivan's story...wow! What a freaking tear jerker. I know why he did what he did but in the end I'm not sure he would have done it the same way if he had a do over. It goes without saying I hated Adrian and Quinn with every bone in my body. As the book got close to the end I was seriously doubting I would get my much sought after HEA. Both Sullivan and Knight seemed to be at a cross road and neither was willing to bend. I hope we get books about the supporting characters. I absolutely loved the twins and D. They were a great addition to the story. I feel like there is more to them that needs to be told. Overall it was a great book and am so glad I got the chance to read it.
August 31, 2026
I am actually obsessed with this book.
The backstories, the pain, the yearning, the love. Every single part of it was beautiful. The characters felt so real and I was completely invested in every single one of them. I laughed, I hurt, I smiled, and I genuinely didn't want it to end.
I picked it up thinking I'd read a few chapters and somehow finished the whole thing in less than a day because I physically could not put it down. Every time I thought I'd stop, I just needed one more chapter.
This is so easily in my top 10 books of the year and trust me, I've read a lotttt of books this year. It takes something really special to stand out at this point and this absolutely did.
Now I'm just sat here wondering what I'm supposed to do with my life because I need more. More of these characters. More of this world. More books like this. I loved every second of it and I already wish I could read it again for the first time
The backstories, the pain, the yearning, the love. Every single part of it was beautiful. The characters felt so real and I was completely invested in every single one of them. I laughed, I hurt, I smiled, and I genuinely didn't want it to end.
I picked it up thinking I'd read a few chapters and somehow finished the whole thing in less than a day because I physically could not put it down. Every time I thought I'd stop, I just needed one more chapter.
This is so easily in my top 10 books of the year and trust me, I've read a lotttt of books this year. It takes something really special to stand out at this point and this absolutely did.
Now I'm just sat here wondering what I'm supposed to do with my life because I need more. More of these characters. More of this world. More books like this. I loved every second of it and I already wish I could read it again for the first time
September 4, 2026
“I hope the sad boy finally finds a way to be happy.”
Let me start by saying, please check the content warnings and tags before picking up this book. I, unfortunately, read this book at a very rough time. Because of that, I think some of the triggers hit even harder for me. Not the authors fault at all.
This story has so much potential. And as a music educator, I was thrilled to see a book with a music prodigy.
The dynamic that the two main characters had did not make sense to me. I understood the attraction but the “love” didn’t make sense. Not after the way they interacted most of the time and how Sullivan treated Knight at points.
It was also too long for what it was.
I would like to maybe pick this book up again when I am doing better.
Let me start by saying, please check the content warnings and tags before picking up this book. I, unfortunately, read this book at a very rough time. Because of that, I think some of the triggers hit even harder for me. Not the authors fault at all.
This story has so much potential. And as a music educator, I was thrilled to see a book with a music prodigy.
The dynamic that the two main characters had did not make sense to me. I understood the attraction but the “love” didn’t make sense. Not after the way they interacted most of the time and how Sullivan treated Knight at points.
It was also too long for what it was.
I would like to maybe pick this book up again when I am doing better.
August 24, 2026
This was fantastic. August did it again. Knight was such a wonderful person. We know he has his reasons for taking his time but once he was in he was all in. Sullivan - oh Sullivan. He was so hurt and Knight came in and wanted to help and protect him. I love it when one or both characters have to take the time to work on themselves before they can be with their person and this was executed perfectly and so realistically. I cannot wait to see what’s next from August jones!
Review of advance copy received from Author
You ever read a book that’s really good 5 stars but it absolutely breaks your heart?! Yeah this is it! I didn’t know
Much going in but Jesus it was a rough one!
So we have knight and Sullivan
Knight is a football prodigy and Sullivan is a music prodigy
Knight is gay but very much in the closet because of football and Sullivan is figuring out who he is!
Their first encounter at uno and then the front was spicy! They connected through sex a lot of the times more than their words
My heart absolutely was destroyed by Sullivans story! He’s been groomed since he was 16 by a rich benefactor basically Adrian who’s helped him with school and a car and his moms home but it’s gotten out of hand especially with Adrian’s husband Quinn what he did to Sullivan before he got out was absolutely brutal!
They had to fight so hard to be together to have the stolen moments and for each other to trust
Knights life has been difficult too he’s so far in the closet and it seems like his dad wants him to choose something other than football and we truly don’t see the reason why until
His dad suddenly passes away and it’s because they knew he was gay and didn’t want him to go through the scrutiny!
But what got me the most was after sullivans assault they couldn’t get back to them he was so traumatized but knight was also terrified of hurting him in the process!
So so many tears my chest physically hurt after reading but I need more of their story! I need to see them in their happy atmosphere choosing each other!!
Fav quotes
Deandre passes a bottle of Jim Beam to me. I take a long drink of it, and Knight watches me do it. I take a long drink of it, and Knight watches me do it. I realize I’m staring back at him as his gaze drops from my eyes to my mouth to my throat as I swallow. He’s been flirting with me.
“Are you straight?” he comes out and asks. “I don’t know,” I tell him. My answer makes him blink several times in quick succession. “Oh.” “Was that what you wanted to know?” “Yeah, I guess so.” “I wish I could give you a better answer,” I say. “I’m still figuring things out.” “Yeah, all right.” “Is there like…something about me that made you think—” “No.” He shakes his head firmly. “No, nothing like that. I just…you’re gorgeous.” He takes a long shaky breath. “I just said that.” Despite the chill, I’m suddenly, very, very warm. “You think?” “I don’t know how anyone wouldn’t. You’re like—extremely good looking. I can’t be the first person to ever point it out.”
“Can I kiss you?”“Yes,” I whisper. “But only if you want to.”“I do,” he says. “I like you, Knight.” “Thanks.” “You seem kind. Are you?” “I think so. I like to think so.”“Jesus, is that your heart?” “Yeah.”“You okay?” “I don’t know.” “Is there anything else you want to tell me?” “I’ve never done this before,” I blurt. “What? Been kissed?” “Not by a guy.” “Oh. Well, I don’t have all that much experience either, if that helps.”
“What do you think about someone who takes advantage of another person for their own gain?” Or pleasure.
“I am but a possibility. And that’s one of them. But I’m not only talking about myself.” I’m thinking of Adrian and what he’s done to me. How twisted up and confused he’s made me about myself. About my body and my self-worth. About losing control of myself and trying to scrape it back by any means necessary.
when Sullivan is kissing me, it feels somehow more important than football, all the good I can do with all the NFL money, or the legacy I feel meant to carry on. Maybe that’s an exaggeration, but it seems equally important for sure.
“You’re attracted to me?” His head pops up in surprise. “Of course I am.”
“Maybe.” “Yeah, I’ll miss you, too. If it makes you feel any better.” It does, but I definitely don’t want him to elaborate on that. “We should hook up in the fall,” he adds out of nowhere. “Really? Like—hook up?” He shrugs a shoulder. “If you want.” “But you just made it sound like you’d want to. I was clarifying what you meant by it.”
“I need, this. You know? You get it?” “Of course I don’t get it. But I’ve got you,” he says. “Yeah?” I kiss him hard again before he can answer.
I feel everything. Claimed. Exactly the way I wanted to be,
“You look different, but I still think you’re beautiful. I really do hope you’re okay.”
I hope Knight is loved the way he deserves to be loved. The way he’s used to being loved. I hope the sad boy finally finds a way to be happy.
“Then I’m gonna ask again. How do you want me?” A silent sob shakes my chest. “I want you to fuck me like you love me.”
“Do you miss me?” I ask, my voice unable to hide the fact that I’m crying. “Yeah. I do. Do you miss me?” “Yeah.” “Okay. Are you all right?” he asks again. “Do you ever think you were a mistake?” He’s silent. Not even a breath comes through. I check the phone to make sure the call is still connected. Then he says, “Sometimes.” “Cause life would go on, right?” “It’d be a hell of a lot less beautiful.” “Without you?” I laugh shortly. “Maybe.” “Without you,” he says. “Without your face. Without your music.”
“You should call me again tomorrow,” he says. I nod to myself. “Yeah. Okay.” “And listen to the song, all right?” “Right. I thought you forgot.” “No way. I’m gonna listen to it, too. You can tell me how stupid I am when we talk tomorrow, okay?” I smile. “Okay.” “Promise?” “I promise.” The song, when it comes through via a text, is “Titanium.”
It’s not until morning that I realize what he did by sending me that song and making me promise to call him back. He kept me alive another day.
Knight presses a kiss against the side of my head. He says, “I need you to do something for me.” I nod, waiting for it. “I need you to ask him how he’d like to wrap this arrangement up. At least then you’ll know his end game.”“You don’t think I spent this whole semester training you to be strong and fit just to let you go get yourself hurt again, do you? I need you to look in the mirror, Sullivan. I need you to see what I see. And then go there and be the man they thought they could keep down.” I clutch at his shirt. “Don’t let go,” I whisper. “I won’t if you won’t.” “I won’t,” I say. Not ever. I’ll love him forever.
My dad’s always talking about how smart I am, so what the hell good is that if I can’t put together a plan to make the guy I love happy and keep him safe.
The bruise on his forehead, the cut on his lower lip, the blackened cheekbone. Worse, the cast around his lower right arm, covering most of his hand.
“Who the fuck did that to you?” He keeps shaking his head. As deliberately as I can, I step inside, shut the door, and keep my distance. “Sullivan?” “It’s over,” he whispers. “What do you mean it’s over?” “I mean, I just…I don’t have to go back. It’s over. I’m fine. It’s done.”
“Do you ever want…more?” He and I look at each other for a long time before he says exactly what I knew he’d say. “Do you?” “I always did,” I say in barely more than a whisper. His nod is subtle, but his hand squeezes mine. “We can’t have that though, right?” “Can’t we?”
“Was that Knight Winters?” “Yeah.” “Cute,” she says. “He’s too young for you,” I say without turning around. And too gay. And he’s mine.
“Merry Christmas,” Knight says. “Merry Christmas.” With that, he opens the door wider, and I see what he’s done here. The tree, the lights, the decorations, and I hear the music. Tchaikovsky. The Nutcracker. The shape of dreams come true. Iwasn’t expecting Sullivan to react so strongly to what I did with the lake house. I guess I figured—it’s Christmas. Seems obvious I would have put a tree up, right? Like who wouldn’t do that?
“Why would you do this for me?” “I did it for us,” I tell him. “Why?” “Because I thought we’d like it. Maybe because we need it.” His eyes close, and he drops his chin nearly to his chest. “I want you so much,” he whispers. “How?” he asks, looking back up at the tree. “How do we do it?” “I mean…are you okay keeping a secret?” Finally, he looks at me, and with a level of sincerity that seems wrenched from the deepest part of him he says, “Yes.”
“Okay, good,” I say. “You’re mine, then. It’s official.” He laughs, a soft, genuine laugh. “No. You’re mine.”
“Hey, honey. So glad you could come all this way. I’m making your favorite for dinner.”
“I think I’m just gonna say it.” My heart thumps a thousand times in a second. “Okay.” “I love you.” “I love you, too.” “Okay, good. So that’s done.” I cup his face and give him another long, closed-mouth kiss. “By the end of the week, maybe we’ll be engaged.” The hand on my waist squeezes. “I’d say yes if you asked.” Settling my head on his bicep, I say, “Then let’s just pretend I did.” “You okay if I touch your cheek?” I nod, my gaze never leaving his.
“Well, without getting all emotional about it, in my head, I was like—if I have this memory—of you and me—then whatever happened when I went to Detroit, I could just block out. Or like—pretend. I could say to myself, I’m not theirs. I’m Knight’s.”
“Did it work?” “It did that time. I made it through the summer.” “We talked all during that summer,” I remind him. “I remember that, too. And yeah, I also remember there were some dark spots.” “I thought you were gonna…” I can’t say it. Don’t want those words in the universe. “I know. But you were always there. And It’s probably a lot to put on someone to say hey—you saved my life—but, well…I can’t argue otherwise either.”
“I love you so fucking much,” he whispers. “I love you, too.” All he has to do is say the word, and I’ll change my entire life for him. It’s not even a question anymore. When I’m with him, he is the only place on earth I know I belong, and I’d give up anything to stay here.
“Sullivan,” I begin, but he cuts me off fiercely. “I can’t do this.” “I know. That’s why we need to take it slow.” “Slow? It’s been nearly a year. This is glacial. It’s bullshit. I can’t do it anymore.”“What I’m telling you is that I don’t think this isn’t going to work. I don’t think I’m what you need anymore, and I don’t think you can be who I need either.” His words don’t quite register. “This isn’t going to work,” I repeat slowly. “This, meaning us?” He sighs. “Yeah.”
“To start with, I love you—” “Whatever,” he bites out. “Not whatever. Would you rather be with someone who didn’t? Who doesn’t know you or any of your triggers? You want to just take your chances, and maybe it’s okay, or maybe you get re-traumatized, and then what?” “I told you once that I needed your help moving past something. I wanted you to help me play the violin again—” “That was all wrong.” “For you. It was all wrong for you, but it was what I needed.” “And look at you now—playing violin again just fine without recreating some disgusting pervert putting his hands all over you where they never belonged.”
“This doesn’t have to come between us,” I tell him. “It’s already between us.” I swallow hard. He’s right about that, too. He steps forward again, this time wedging himself between my partly spread thighs. In a softer voice, he says, “I want you to take me back.” I put my hands on his hips and make sure he can feel them, asserting them there like if I hold him to the earth, he can find his center again. “You know what would be cool?” “What?” “If you wanted to re-create something good. Something between us. The truck, maybe.” “I’m not asking for a re-enactment. I’m asking for some force applied only when necessary.” “You’re right,” I tell him. “I don’t think I can do that.” “What are you saying then? We’re over?”
“It means you’re gonna get drafted in April, and you’ll wind up where? Florida?” “California,” I say because San Francisco is way more likely to trade up to get me. Their team is a disaster, under new ownership and, according to my agent, I’m the exact kind of player they need to build a team around. If I’m lucky, Deandre will wind up there, too. “Well, I’m staying here,” he says. “I’ve decided to go to grad school.” This is news, and it’s a blow, too. “When were you planning to tell me that?” “I’m telling you now,” he says almost coldly. “So either way it doesn’t work.”
“I think we need a break,” he says softly. “These years—I think we were exactly what each other needed. I can’t imagine them without you. You made it bearable.” Oh fuck, this is really happening. He’s got a speech and everything. I swallow hard and try to keep my face stoic. “But?” “But…we were always different. Now we might as well be from different planets. I think our lives—the time we’ve spent in this place—decided to push us apart instead of closer together.” “I don’t see it that way…” “No?” “No.”
“Did any of this mean anything to you?” he asks. “I told you it did,” I say. “Other than ‘making life bearable’,” he says with air quotes. “I love you,” I tell him, adding some firmness to the words. “As a friend, or…” “As everything.” “But when I mentioned having a future, what? Did you just tune that part out?” “No. But I never really thought it was possible.” “Even when I was willing to come out?” “Yeah, even then.” “But when we were here over the summer—when you drove all the way up to be with me and stay with my family—could you at least see it then?” “Maybe? But I also kind of saw you quitting football at that point. I didn’t know what you were gonna do. And then you just came back stronger.” He tilts his head slightly to regard me. “You’re stronger, too, you know?” “In some places.”
“But you think you’ll be better off if you just get rid of me.”
“Tell me how you think we can still be in each other’s lives when we’re thousands of miles apart? How does it work?” “I’m not even gonna get into that if you’re just gonna shit all over it and tell me it can’t work. You’re acting like you’re trying to teach yourself how to hate me.” “Or maybe I’m just scared.” “Is that it?”
“You and I have been through so much,” he says with meaning. “It really sucks that you don’t even want to try. It makes me feel like—like I was never anything to you.” My posture wilts. “I don’t know how you can say that.” “I don’t know how you can walk away.” “I don’t want to.” That comes out loud, and he flinches. “Then what the fuck?” he cries. “If it’s not about me, and it’s not about keeping the secret, do you just want to be single again that badly?”
“I don’t want someone else.” That’s like the one thing I’ve realized over the last week. I can be okay if it’s just me and the music, but the idea of someone other than Knight by my side? Unthinkable. “Are you sure?” “Yes,” I exhale harshly. “Then let it be me.” God—he’s so…so…him. He knows all my weak spots, can see the space opening up, and he’s gonna drive his play right through it. “Why would you want it to be me?” I argue. “I might be stronger, but what if that’s only because I’ve had you propping me up? And you’re as scared of me as I am of not being enough for you.”
“I’ve only ever been scared of one thing—and that’s losing you. You’re more than enough for me. You’re fucking plenty. You’re everything if I’m being totally honest. And if I get scared of hurting you and losing you, then you wanna know what would really suck? If you broke up with me for it.”
“I handled that badly.” “Yeah—you fuckin’ did. And you’re not doing much better right now, either. Say what you want, Sullivan. Say what you really, really want. If there weren’t anything stopping you—if you were actually free—what would you want?” The truth bursts loose. “I’d want you and me. I’d want us to outlast everything. I’d want us to have the best secret love story in the history of love stories, but—” “No. Shut up. No buts. That’s it. If that’s what you want, then that’s what we do. We commit, right fucking now to making this work no matter what. If I’m for you and you’re for me, then we take that ball and run it all the way into the end zone. It’s not like we’ve got no one to help us. It’s not like football is a year-round game. And it’s also not like I don’t love you more every goddamn day.”
“I’ll do anything to keep you forever,” I tell him.
“Just say okay and you love me.” “Tip of the iceberg,” he murmurs before pressing a soft kiss to my nose. “Fuck you for making me want to know more about icebergs right now.” I feel his smile when he presses his mouth to mine again. “Here’s what you need to know. They are vast, and most of the important things about them all lie beneath the surface.” “Is loving you enough?” I ask. “Loving each other is a start.” “Just the tip?” “There’s the prodigy. Yeah. It’s just the tip.” “In terms of the rest, I’m yours,” I promise him. “Whatever that means, and whatever it takes.” His kiss is deep and long, and I’m so happy that it happened here. In a ruin that only love and time can heal. The shape of our love is infinity.
Knight, the young redshirt freshman I met across a shitty card table. Knight the shy, repressed boy in the woods. Knight, the hometown hero’s son. Knight, the Saginaw High School prom king. Knight, the guy who held me crying in a dark tunnel. Knight, the man who wouldn’t let me go no matter how hard I pushed him away. Knight, the survivor who’s teaching me every day how to survive. Knight, my first love. My everything. The shape of infinity. The shape of stars. The shape of secrets and freedom. The shape of a sound so haunting and beautiful, I’ll forever follow where it leads.
Much going in but Jesus it was a rough one!
So we have knight and Sullivan
Knight is a football prodigy and Sullivan is a music prodigy
Knight is gay but very much in the closet because of football and Sullivan is figuring out who he is!
Their first encounter at uno and then the front was spicy! They connected through sex a lot of the times more than their words
My heart absolutely was destroyed by Sullivans story! He’s been groomed since he was 16 by a rich benefactor basically Adrian who’s helped him with school and a car and his moms home but it’s gotten out of hand especially with Adrian’s husband Quinn what he did to Sullivan before he got out was absolutely brutal!
They had to fight so hard to be together to have the stolen moments and for each other to trust
Knights life has been difficult too he’s so far in the closet and it seems like his dad wants him to choose something other than football and we truly don’t see the reason why until
His dad suddenly passes away and it’s because they knew he was gay and didn’t want him to go through the scrutiny!
But what got me the most was after sullivans assault they couldn’t get back to them he was so traumatized but knight was also terrified of hurting him in the process!
So so many tears my chest physically hurt after reading but I need more of their story! I need to see them in their happy atmosphere choosing each other!!
Fav quotes
Deandre passes a bottle of Jim Beam to me. I take a long drink of it, and Knight watches me do it. I take a long drink of it, and Knight watches me do it. I realize I’m staring back at him as his gaze drops from my eyes to my mouth to my throat as I swallow. He’s been flirting with me.
“Are you straight?” he comes out and asks. “I don’t know,” I tell him. My answer makes him blink several times in quick succession. “Oh.” “Was that what you wanted to know?” “Yeah, I guess so.” “I wish I could give you a better answer,” I say. “I’m still figuring things out.” “Yeah, all right.” “Is there like…something about me that made you think—” “No.” He shakes his head firmly. “No, nothing like that. I just…you’re gorgeous.” He takes a long shaky breath. “I just said that.” Despite the chill, I’m suddenly, very, very warm. “You think?” “I don’t know how anyone wouldn’t. You’re like—extremely good looking. I can’t be the first person to ever point it out.”
“Can I kiss you?”“Yes,” I whisper. “But only if you want to.”“I do,” he says. “I like you, Knight.” “Thanks.” “You seem kind. Are you?” “I think so. I like to think so.”“Jesus, is that your heart?” “Yeah.”“You okay?” “I don’t know.” “Is there anything else you want to tell me?” “I’ve never done this before,” I blurt. “What? Been kissed?” “Not by a guy.” “Oh. Well, I don’t have all that much experience either, if that helps.”
“What do you think about someone who takes advantage of another person for their own gain?” Or pleasure.
“I am but a possibility. And that’s one of them. But I’m not only talking about myself.” I’m thinking of Adrian and what he’s done to me. How twisted up and confused he’s made me about myself. About my body and my self-worth. About losing control of myself and trying to scrape it back by any means necessary.
when Sullivan is kissing me, it feels somehow more important than football, all the good I can do with all the NFL money, or the legacy I feel meant to carry on. Maybe that’s an exaggeration, but it seems equally important for sure.
“You’re attracted to me?” His head pops up in surprise. “Of course I am.”
“Maybe.” “Yeah, I’ll miss you, too. If it makes you feel any better.” It does, but I definitely don’t want him to elaborate on that. “We should hook up in the fall,” he adds out of nowhere. “Really? Like—hook up?” He shrugs a shoulder. “If you want.” “But you just made it sound like you’d want to. I was clarifying what you meant by it.”
“I need, this. You know? You get it?” “Of course I don’t get it. But I’ve got you,” he says. “Yeah?” I kiss him hard again before he can answer.
I feel everything. Claimed. Exactly the way I wanted to be,
“You look different, but I still think you’re beautiful. I really do hope you’re okay.”
I hope Knight is loved the way he deserves to be loved. The way he’s used to being loved. I hope the sad boy finally finds a way to be happy.
“Then I’m gonna ask again. How do you want me?” A silent sob shakes my chest. “I want you to fuck me like you love me.”
“Do you miss me?” I ask, my voice unable to hide the fact that I’m crying. “Yeah. I do. Do you miss me?” “Yeah.” “Okay. Are you all right?” he asks again. “Do you ever think you were a mistake?” He’s silent. Not even a breath comes through. I check the phone to make sure the call is still connected. Then he says, “Sometimes.” “Cause life would go on, right?” “It’d be a hell of a lot less beautiful.” “Without you?” I laugh shortly. “Maybe.” “Without you,” he says. “Without your face. Without your music.”
“You should call me again tomorrow,” he says. I nod to myself. “Yeah. Okay.” “And listen to the song, all right?” “Right. I thought you forgot.” “No way. I’m gonna listen to it, too. You can tell me how stupid I am when we talk tomorrow, okay?” I smile. “Okay.” “Promise?” “I promise.” The song, when it comes through via a text, is “Titanium.”
It’s not until morning that I realize what he did by sending me that song and making me promise to call him back. He kept me alive another day.
Knight presses a kiss against the side of my head. He says, “I need you to do something for me.” I nod, waiting for it. “I need you to ask him how he’d like to wrap this arrangement up. At least then you’ll know his end game.”“You don’t think I spent this whole semester training you to be strong and fit just to let you go get yourself hurt again, do you? I need you to look in the mirror, Sullivan. I need you to see what I see. And then go there and be the man they thought they could keep down.” I clutch at his shirt. “Don’t let go,” I whisper. “I won’t if you won’t.” “I won’t,” I say. Not ever. I’ll love him forever.
My dad’s always talking about how smart I am, so what the hell good is that if I can’t put together a plan to make the guy I love happy and keep him safe.
The bruise on his forehead, the cut on his lower lip, the blackened cheekbone. Worse, the cast around his lower right arm, covering most of his hand.
“Who the fuck did that to you?” He keeps shaking his head. As deliberately as I can, I step inside, shut the door, and keep my distance. “Sullivan?” “It’s over,” he whispers. “What do you mean it’s over?” “I mean, I just…I don’t have to go back. It’s over. I’m fine. It’s done.”
“Do you ever want…more?” He and I look at each other for a long time before he says exactly what I knew he’d say. “Do you?” “I always did,” I say in barely more than a whisper. His nod is subtle, but his hand squeezes mine. “We can’t have that though, right?” “Can’t we?”
“Was that Knight Winters?” “Yeah.” “Cute,” she says. “He’s too young for you,” I say without turning around. And too gay. And he’s mine.
“Merry Christmas,” Knight says. “Merry Christmas.” With that, he opens the door wider, and I see what he’s done here. The tree, the lights, the decorations, and I hear the music. Tchaikovsky. The Nutcracker. The shape of dreams come true. Iwasn’t expecting Sullivan to react so strongly to what I did with the lake house. I guess I figured—it’s Christmas. Seems obvious I would have put a tree up, right? Like who wouldn’t do that?
“Why would you do this for me?” “I did it for us,” I tell him. “Why?” “Because I thought we’d like it. Maybe because we need it.” His eyes close, and he drops his chin nearly to his chest. “I want you so much,” he whispers. “How?” he asks, looking back up at the tree. “How do we do it?” “I mean…are you okay keeping a secret?” Finally, he looks at me, and with a level of sincerity that seems wrenched from the deepest part of him he says, “Yes.”
“Okay, good,” I say. “You’re mine, then. It’s official.” He laughs, a soft, genuine laugh. “No. You’re mine.”
“Hey, honey. So glad you could come all this way. I’m making your favorite for dinner.”
“I think I’m just gonna say it.” My heart thumps a thousand times in a second. “Okay.” “I love you.” “I love you, too.” “Okay, good. So that’s done.” I cup his face and give him another long, closed-mouth kiss. “By the end of the week, maybe we’ll be engaged.” The hand on my waist squeezes. “I’d say yes if you asked.” Settling my head on his bicep, I say, “Then let’s just pretend I did.” “You okay if I touch your cheek?” I nod, my gaze never leaving his.
“Well, without getting all emotional about it, in my head, I was like—if I have this memory—of you and me—then whatever happened when I went to Detroit, I could just block out. Or like—pretend. I could say to myself, I’m not theirs. I’m Knight’s.”
“Did it work?” “It did that time. I made it through the summer.” “We talked all during that summer,” I remind him. “I remember that, too. And yeah, I also remember there were some dark spots.” “I thought you were gonna…” I can’t say it. Don’t want those words in the universe. “I know. But you were always there. And It’s probably a lot to put on someone to say hey—you saved my life—but, well…I can’t argue otherwise either.”
“I love you so fucking much,” he whispers. “I love you, too.” All he has to do is say the word, and I’ll change my entire life for him. It’s not even a question anymore. When I’m with him, he is the only place on earth I know I belong, and I’d give up anything to stay here.
“Sullivan,” I begin, but he cuts me off fiercely. “I can’t do this.” “I know. That’s why we need to take it slow.” “Slow? It’s been nearly a year. This is glacial. It’s bullshit. I can’t do it anymore.”“What I’m telling you is that I don’t think this isn’t going to work. I don’t think I’m what you need anymore, and I don’t think you can be who I need either.” His words don’t quite register. “This isn’t going to work,” I repeat slowly. “This, meaning us?” He sighs. “Yeah.”
“To start with, I love you—” “Whatever,” he bites out. “Not whatever. Would you rather be with someone who didn’t? Who doesn’t know you or any of your triggers? You want to just take your chances, and maybe it’s okay, or maybe you get re-traumatized, and then what?” “I told you once that I needed your help moving past something. I wanted you to help me play the violin again—” “That was all wrong.” “For you. It was all wrong for you, but it was what I needed.” “And look at you now—playing violin again just fine without recreating some disgusting pervert putting his hands all over you where they never belonged.”
“This doesn’t have to come between us,” I tell him. “It’s already between us.” I swallow hard. He’s right about that, too. He steps forward again, this time wedging himself between my partly spread thighs. In a softer voice, he says, “I want you to take me back.” I put my hands on his hips and make sure he can feel them, asserting them there like if I hold him to the earth, he can find his center again. “You know what would be cool?” “What?” “If you wanted to re-create something good. Something between us. The truck, maybe.” “I’m not asking for a re-enactment. I’m asking for some force applied only when necessary.” “You’re right,” I tell him. “I don’t think I can do that.” “What are you saying then? We’re over?”
“It means you’re gonna get drafted in April, and you’ll wind up where? Florida?” “California,” I say because San Francisco is way more likely to trade up to get me. Their team is a disaster, under new ownership and, according to my agent, I’m the exact kind of player they need to build a team around. If I’m lucky, Deandre will wind up there, too. “Well, I’m staying here,” he says. “I’ve decided to go to grad school.” This is news, and it’s a blow, too. “When were you planning to tell me that?” “I’m telling you now,” he says almost coldly. “So either way it doesn’t work.”
“I think we need a break,” he says softly. “These years—I think we were exactly what each other needed. I can’t imagine them without you. You made it bearable.” Oh fuck, this is really happening. He’s got a speech and everything. I swallow hard and try to keep my face stoic. “But?” “But…we were always different. Now we might as well be from different planets. I think our lives—the time we’ve spent in this place—decided to push us apart instead of closer together.” “I don’t see it that way…” “No?” “No.”
“Did any of this mean anything to you?” he asks. “I told you it did,” I say. “Other than ‘making life bearable’,” he says with air quotes. “I love you,” I tell him, adding some firmness to the words. “As a friend, or…” “As everything.” “But when I mentioned having a future, what? Did you just tune that part out?” “No. But I never really thought it was possible.” “Even when I was willing to come out?” “Yeah, even then.” “But when we were here over the summer—when you drove all the way up to be with me and stay with my family—could you at least see it then?” “Maybe? But I also kind of saw you quitting football at that point. I didn’t know what you were gonna do. And then you just came back stronger.” He tilts his head slightly to regard me. “You’re stronger, too, you know?” “In some places.”
“But you think you’ll be better off if you just get rid of me.”
“Tell me how you think we can still be in each other’s lives when we’re thousands of miles apart? How does it work?” “I’m not even gonna get into that if you’re just gonna shit all over it and tell me it can’t work. You’re acting like you’re trying to teach yourself how to hate me.” “Or maybe I’m just scared.” “Is that it?”
“You and I have been through so much,” he says with meaning. “It really sucks that you don’t even want to try. It makes me feel like—like I was never anything to you.” My posture wilts. “I don’t know how you can say that.” “I don’t know how you can walk away.” “I don’t want to.” That comes out loud, and he flinches. “Then what the fuck?” he cries. “If it’s not about me, and it’s not about keeping the secret, do you just want to be single again that badly?”
“I don’t want someone else.” That’s like the one thing I’ve realized over the last week. I can be okay if it’s just me and the music, but the idea of someone other than Knight by my side? Unthinkable. “Are you sure?” “Yes,” I exhale harshly. “Then let it be me.” God—he’s so…so…him. He knows all my weak spots, can see the space opening up, and he’s gonna drive his play right through it. “Why would you want it to be me?” I argue. “I might be stronger, but what if that’s only because I’ve had you propping me up? And you’re as scared of me as I am of not being enough for you.”
“I’ve only ever been scared of one thing—and that’s losing you. You’re more than enough for me. You’re fucking plenty. You’re everything if I’m being totally honest. And if I get scared of hurting you and losing you, then you wanna know what would really suck? If you broke up with me for it.”
“I handled that badly.” “Yeah—you fuckin’ did. And you’re not doing much better right now, either. Say what you want, Sullivan. Say what you really, really want. If there weren’t anything stopping you—if you were actually free—what would you want?” The truth bursts loose. “I’d want you and me. I’d want us to outlast everything. I’d want us to have the best secret love story in the history of love stories, but—” “No. Shut up. No buts. That’s it. If that’s what you want, then that’s what we do. We commit, right fucking now to making this work no matter what. If I’m for you and you’re for me, then we take that ball and run it all the way into the end zone. It’s not like we’ve got no one to help us. It’s not like football is a year-round game. And it’s also not like I don’t love you more every goddamn day.”
“I’ll do anything to keep you forever,” I tell him.
“Just say okay and you love me.” “Tip of the iceberg,” he murmurs before pressing a soft kiss to my nose. “Fuck you for making me want to know more about icebergs right now.” I feel his smile when he presses his mouth to mine again. “Here’s what you need to know. They are vast, and most of the important things about them all lie beneath the surface.” “Is loving you enough?” I ask. “Loving each other is a start.” “Just the tip?” “There’s the prodigy. Yeah. It’s just the tip.” “In terms of the rest, I’m yours,” I promise him. “Whatever that means, and whatever it takes.” His kiss is deep and long, and I’m so happy that it happened here. In a ruin that only love and time can heal. The shape of our love is infinity.
Knight, the young redshirt freshman I met across a shitty card table. Knight the shy, repressed boy in the woods. Knight, the hometown hero’s son. Knight, the Saginaw High School prom king. Knight, the guy who held me crying in a dark tunnel. Knight, the man who wouldn’t let me go no matter how hard I pushed him away. Knight, the survivor who’s teaching me every day how to survive. Knight, my first love. My everything. The shape of infinity. The shape of stars. The shape of secrets and freedom. The shape of a sound so haunting and beautiful, I’ll forever follow where it leads.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
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August 29, 2026jfc i’m tired 😭 deadass
September 22, 2026
4.25⭐
I loved this! I was coming off of 3 back to back DNF’s and was so happy that this one snagged my attention immediately! This is my first book by this author but certainly won’t be my last.
This one deals with some pretty heavy subjects so please check your TWs. Its angsty and uncomfortable at times. It also hurts your heart.
The chemistry between Sullivan and Knight is magnetic but there’s so many obstacles in their way. They come from two different worlds and couldn’t be more opposite.
This is such a roller coaster of emotions. You get to experience both of their character growth over the years and their long fought HEA.
Sullivan Scott & Knight Winters
College
Angsty
Sports
Football QB X Music Prodigy
Opposites Attract
Friends to Lovers
Found Family
Hurt Comfort
Secret Relationships
Closeted MC
I loved this! I was coming off of 3 back to back DNF’s and was so happy that this one snagged my attention immediately! This is my first book by this author but certainly won’t be my last.
This one deals with some pretty heavy subjects so please check your TWs. Its angsty and uncomfortable at times. It also hurts your heart.
The chemistry between Sullivan and Knight is magnetic but there’s so many obstacles in their way. They come from two different worlds and couldn’t be more opposite.
This is such a roller coaster of emotions. You get to experience both of their character growth over the years and their long fought HEA.
Sullivan Scott & Knight Winters
College
Angsty
Sports
Football QB X Music Prodigy
Opposites Attract
Friends to Lovers
Found Family
Hurt Comfort
Secret Relationships
Closeted MC
August 29, 2026
Received ARC for honest review
This is a college romance that takes place over the span of 4 years. One of the main characters is a jock that plays football and the other is a highly gifted musician. The two enter into a secret relationship and ultimately end up together. The years in between include some tough moments that ultimately strengthen both characters and also highlight the resilience of Sullivan, the musician. If you’re a fan of found family, high angst, and yearning definitely recommend checking this one out. This was my first book by August Jones and will definitely go back and read other works by this author.
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