Wie ich dich lieben kann, wenn ich mich selbst liebe

by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Dillo, Michael (Translator)

Many of us think of love as a strong emotion, a feeling we have for another person. Marshall Rosenberg's helps us take a wholly different and life-enriching approach to love. Love is something you "do," something you give freely from the heart. Using the Nonviolent Communication (NVC) process, learn how to express yourself nakedly and honestly to your partner, friends, or family, for no other purpose than to reveal what's present or alive in you. Discover what thousands of people around the world already know: A heart to heart connection strengthened by joyfully giving and receiving is the love you long to experience.

Discover how to:
- Free yourself from the burden of proving your love and requiring proof in return
- Avoid doing anything out of guilt, resentment, shame or obligation
- Learn to effectively express how you are and what you need

Genres: Relationships, Psychology, Nonfiction, Communication, Self Help, Personal Growth, Love

72 pages, Paperback

First published July 1, 2005

About the author

Marshall Rosenberg was an American psychologist and the creator of Nonviolent Communication, a communication process that helps people to exchange the information necessary to resolve conflicts and differences peacefully. He was the founder and Director of Educational Services for the Center for Nonviolent Communication, an international non-profit organization.

In 1961, Rosenberg received his Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the University of Wisconsin–Madison and in 1966 was awarded Diplomate status in clinical psychology from the American Board of Examiners in Professional Psychology. He lived in Albuquerque, New Mexico, where the Center for Nonviolent Communication's office is located.

Reviews

[♡ Sonja Rosa Lisa ♡]

2,5 Sterne
Das war ein schwieriges Buch für mich. Vom Grundthema - Gewaltfreie Kommunikation - bin ich voll und ganz dabei, aber irgendwie hat mich das Buch doch nicht wirklich abgeholt. Vielleicht habe ich es aber auch nicht verstanden; das will ich nicht ausschließen :)
Aber wenn ich zum Beispiel sage, "Dieser Zug fährt sehr langsam", dann brauche ich keinen Trost, ich fühle keinen Schmerz, es ist vielleicht einfach eine Tatsache. Oder wenn mein Partner zu mir sagt, "Ich kann dich heute nicht oder erst später treffen, ich möchte meine Tochter von der Schule abholen", dann sage ich nicht "Ich verspüre einen Stich im Herzen".
Da waren schon ein paar seltsame Beispiele im Buch...

[Nistha Tripathi]

If you are actually serious about working on your relationships, friendships, then you MUST read this book. NVC is a promising paradigm. Despite best intentions, I am bad at expressing my feelings. And the way I end up expressing them can make someone feel as if I am putting them under a judgment lens. I used to often feel frustrated because I could never communicate my needs (yeah, happens more with females :) ) in a manner where other person did not get on defensive. So, I was laughing out loud at some points in this book because I have done exactly the things mentioned here. I am sure it takes a lot of practice to put this technique into everyday lives but then everything worth having (including beautiful relationships) needs efforts.
I had never been afraid of putting efforts but I just felt directionless. With this, I can see a concrete way of thinking and action strategy that I can try and for that reason alone, I am giving it 5 stars.

[Nicholas Pateman]

I'm giving this book only 2 starts and that's mainly due to the way it is excellently written, very easy to read without getting stuck in overly complex sentences. Unfortunately that's the only good thing I can say about the book. This is the first book I've read (partly read in this instance) on NVC, and to be honest, the anecdotal conversations are cringe worthy and I know of no situation where they would work. Talking to anyone in that way instantly gets their heckles up, it needs to be far more natural, not structured responses and cutting people off when you are "bored" with what they are saying. I'm sure this has it's place in a psychiatrists life, but not every day people trying to improve their life with others. I've got anther book on NVC to read, I just hope that one is a lot better!

[Šimon Demočko]

I love NVC and there were some enlightening moments reading this piece. What I didn't like is that this is a transcript. I'd like to just watch the original video. There are many switches in who says what and people role-playing and switching their roles a lot which makes it very confusing to understand who is saying what to whom, if it goes to a role or then put of role play and for real. This would be much easier to understand from a video or some better clarification from the text. Or if it was rewritten from a transcript into a nonconversational text.

Another thing I didn't like was that there's quite an overlap of same stories already used in the original Nonviolent communication book, so after reading this, there's some repetition.

[Zahra Zarrinfar]

عشق انکار خود و انجام کاری برای دیگران نیست، بلکه عشق ابراز صادقانه‌ی هر احساس و نیازی است که داریم و دریافت همدلانه‌ی احساسات و نیازهای طرف دیگر. دریافت همدلانه به این معنی نیست که تو باید اطاعت کنی ـ صرفا دقیقا دریافت چیزی است که فرد دیگر به عنوان هدیه‌ی زندگی ابراز کرده. عشق ابراز صادقانه‌ی نیازهای خودمان است؛ این به معنی طرح درخواست آمرانه نیست، بلکه فقط، «من این هستم، این چیزی است که دوست دارم.»

در حال حاضر شمارش از دستم در رفته که این چندمین کتابی است که در حوزه‌ی ارتباط بدون خشونت می‌خونم و از لحاظ تئوری نسبت به کتاب اصلی حرف جدیدی ندارد ولی ازین لحاظ که این کتاب از روی یک جلسه پرسش و پاسخ در زمینه روابط عاطفی بوده مثال‌های خیلی خوب و عملی دارد.

مثلا: هنگام شنیدن انتقاد
وقتی طرفمان بیش از اندازه صحبت می‌کند
وقتی متوجه نمی‌شویم طرفمان واقعا چه می‌خواهد
وقتی طرفمان فکر می‌کند قصدمان مشاجره است و نمی‌خواهد حرف تلخ بشنود
وقتی عمدتا مردها با احساساتشان در تماس نیستند، یا عمدتا زن‌ها واضح خواستشان را بیان نمی‌کنند،(که البته هر دوی این‌ها ریشه‌های فرهنگی و تربیتی دارد و در مورد همه‌ی مردها و زن‌ها صادق نیست)
وقتی رابطه‌ی بلندمدت را از دست دادن هویتت می‌دانی
وقتی درخواست‌هایت آمرانه شنیده می‌شود و طرف فکر می‌کند استقلالش در خطر است
و...

زبان ارتباط بدون خشونت یک زبان قاطع است که احساسات و نیازهای هر دو طرف گفتگو بیان و شنیده می‌شود.

[Lisa van Nuland]

Mooi boek over applicatie van NVC in welke relatie dan ook en hoe het een uiting van liefde is om zo empathisch te communiceren en luisteren

[ثمین پذیرائی]

کل بحث ارتباط بدون خشونت جالب و اثرگذار هست و بهتره هممون روش کار کنیم …درواقع بهتره مهارت های زندگی رو یاد بگیریم و البته مهارت های ارتباطی رو به خصوص تا بتونیم محیط رشدیمون رو غنی تر کنیم …✨🍃

[Leidy Ramirez]

Clear examples of how to redirect discussions in a clearer way and to be open for listening and understanding instead of judging

[Michael Idris Merchant]

This is a great dive into applying needs based communication (aka nonviolent communication) to our most important relationships.

I highly recommend reading the intro book before reading this: Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg

[Déa]

Pas mon préféré parmi tout les petit livres que j'ai lu. Celui ci regorge de situation transcrite depuis une conférence de Marshall, et on passe parfois d'une phrase à une autre sans logique car le but est de traiter des thèmes précis. Par exemple « comment dire non » «découvrir ce que nous voulons » etc.
J'ai largement préféré celui sur la colère par exemple. Je conseillerais celui ci sur l'amour à des personnes qui connaissent déjà les bases de la CNV et qui veulent des exemples de scènes pour arriver à clarifier leur propos.
C'est sur, en 2023 je vais enfin lire le classique « Les mots sont des murs...» ! Assez picoré, je suis vraiment intriguée ! Vais-je en apprendre beaucoup plus avec le gros livre ? J'ai hâte de le savoir !

[Ivy]

I did read this to at least know what it was I had been gifted.... and at times it prompted questions on how to communicate better, but...the questions it made me ask myself were more relavtn and helpful than the supposed structure he was providing. This was, first of all, too heterocentric to be relevant to all. And you can tell a man wrote this. The advice is kind of alarming at times.
Would not recommend. It's not the WORST that could be done, but definitely didn't feel like it was written for me or my relationship.

[Seyed Amin]

ترجمه رووان٬ ولی بعضی جاها گیج کننده و نامشخص
به نظر میرسه که کتاب ویرایش خوبی نداشته
<<از طرفی مشخص نیست که آیا این کتاب رو باید قبل از کتاب <<ارتباط بدون خشونت، زبان زندگی خواند و یا بعد از این کتاب
شخصا این کتاب اولی کتابی بود که از این نویسنده/مترجم مطالعه کردم
بهم انگیزه داده که کتاب ارتباط بدون خشونت رو هم مطالع کنم
ولی از طرفی بدون داشتن دانش از اون کتاب٬‌بهش هایی از این کتاب هم برام مفهوم نبود

[Dyson Kona]

some really good insight to understanding where resentment can foster and how it can manifest - however takes a really heteronormative view at studying romantic relationships and also platforms the (non violent communication) as someone with inherent intellectual superiority and kind of frees them of their wrongdoing. creates power dynamic where one talks down to the other, but again some really good insight embedded in these annoying thematics.

[Keisha Hause]

This was a quick and practical read that offered a lot of valuable reminders about how we show up and communicate in our relationships with our loved ones.

I enjoyed reading about the importance of learning to understand your wants and needs so that you can communicate them in a nonviolent way while also making space for the wants and needs of others.

Overall, I found this to be a helpful reminder about communication, self-reflection, and showing up intentionally in our relationships.

[Sofie]

i think the philosophy of NVC is great (and people who haven't heard of it before should start with the original book, not this one) but the format (mainly role playing and Q&As) wasn't ideal, and the ideas were not always crystal clear to me.
nonetheless, many good lessons and gives a good handle on how it can be challenging to implement the NVC ideas (perhaps particularly while listening).

[YOKO]

It’s a short book, easy to read.
I couldn't help feeling the warmth and care toward humanness we all share in Dr. Rosenberg’s words shared in the book.
I consider NVC as one of the greatest arts/gifts/tools we can use to truly enjoy, celebrate who we are and to enrich our lives.
It gave me a good opportunity to meditate on what love really is and how I would want to express it.

[Anita]

Checked out this book from the library after watching an excellent YouTube video featuring Marshall Rosenberg on nonviolent communication. I didn't love the format of this book (a transcript of a workshop), but it does provide helpful real world examples of how to apply the principles in one's own life.

[Mohamad]

اگر کتاب ارتباط بدون خشونت رو خونده باشین، این رو میشه یک اسپین آف یک قسمته از اون کتاب به حساب آورد. تقریبا مطلب جدیدی نداره، فقط خود شخص مارشال روزنبرگ یک کارگاه عملی رو به صورت کتاب درآورده. شاید هم کار شخصی دیگه بوده که اون کارگاه رو کتاب کرده. در کل باید بگم نکته جدید نداشت و فقط گفتگوی مارشال با چند نفر و بازی کردن نقش های مختلف برای تمرین و حالت عملی ارتباط بدون خشونت بود.

[Tatiane Lima]

A versão em Português, Amo você sendo quem sou, foi lançada pela Palas Athena e traz textos de palestras, entrevistas e workshops. Algumas histórias estão no livro Comunicação Não-Violenta, que, por isso, acabo recomendando mais.

[Ors]

Don't buy it. Wasted money. It's just a transcript of Marshall Rosenberg lectures, workshops and so on - you are better off with watching his videos online or reading his other book. Once you understand the concept of NVC, this book is redundant.

[Alexander Teibrich]

A small book, but a very dense and insightful one. I enjoyed the feeling of sitting in a seminar with Marshal Rosenberg. The dialogues are really helpful and at the same time fun to read. Great insights for any relationship. But one key is also: „Practice, practice, practice!“

[Bear Smith]

Short but full of useful examples - the sort of thing that I can imagine I will return to from time to time in order to reflect and refresh, but it didn’t have the immediate impact that Nonviolent Communication by the same author had.

[Rajiv]

This booklet has given me many insights on the way to express more assertively and being more specific with own feelings and needs and as well of others. It also states that one is conscious of others needs and respect it, however, it does not mean that I will have to give up or give in to my needs. It is possible to satisfy everyone needs if we learn to identify the core needs behind all expression.
This booklet is some sort of role-plays between Marshall Rosenborg and participants, therefore it's like more vivid experience, and I found myself taking notes constantly. A must read book...highly recommended.

[Jean A.]

This was a short summary of the NVC guidelines with examples. It was a good introduction. I intend to read his original publication next.

[Muriel Mattiussi]

Tres americain

[Ryan Miller]

All excerpts from his talks. Interesting read and addition to NVC.

[Deh.]

یه بار دیگه هم باید بخونمش. جالب و کاربردی بود

[HamidReza]

کتابیه که برای هر پوینده ی راه برقراری ارتباطی صحیح و سالم ، عاری از بغض ، حسد و خشم میتونه کمک کننده باشه ، من دو بار پشت سر هم کتاب رو خوندم و غرق در لذت شدم.

[Gemma]

Practical but somewhat superficial guide offers a handy elaboration of how to apply Nonviolent Communication in daily situations and conversations.

[Cyrus Molavi]

Short and sweet. This is essentially a transcript of a few interactions at workshops held by NVC's author. It was a nice way to review the communication framework with a little entertainment.