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Love: The Psychology of Attraction: A Practical Guide to Successful Dating and a Happy Relationship
Love: The Psychology of Attraction is an easy-to-navigate, step-by-step guide to modern love that's grounded in scientific study, psychological expertise, and practical insights about romance in the age of social media.
Crack the code of compatibility and find the path to true love with this unique guide to finding the perfect mate in the modern world. Love: The Psychology of Attraction offers answers to your burning questions: How should I present myself online? What are red flags in a first phone call? Is it time to meet family members? And, it answers some unexpected questions, too: Is chemistry predictable? Do I have a "lifestyle type"?
With every quiz, assessment, and inviting infographic, Love: The Psychology of Attraction guides you toward deeper, more satisfying relationships that can lead to long-term fulfillment.
Author Bio:
Dr. Leslie Becker-Phelps is a clinical psychologist, author, and speaker. She is a regular contributor to the Relationships blog for WebMD, as well as the Making Changes blog for Psychology Today, and is the author of Insecure in Love. She lives in New Jersey, where she is on the medical staff of the Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital-Somerset. She also runs a private practice dedicated to helping individuals and couples feel better about themselves in all aspects of their lives. She lives in Basking Ridge, New Jersey.
Reviews:
"Interactive exercises guide couples onto the road to harmony, and sensible advice will take them even closer to an ideal relationship." - Publishers Weekly
"Charts, diagrams, and illustrations permeate the text, creating a compelling, easy-to-follow read. This is one of the most straightforward guides to dating available." - Library Journal (Starred Review)
Crack the code of compatibility and find the path to true love with this unique guide to finding the perfect mate in the modern world. Love: The Psychology of Attraction offers answers to your burning questions: How should I present myself online? What are red flags in a first phone call? Is it time to meet family members? And, it answers some unexpected questions, too: Is chemistry predictable? Do I have a "lifestyle type"?
With every quiz, assessment, and inviting infographic, Love: The Psychology of Attraction guides you toward deeper, more satisfying relationships that can lead to long-term fulfillment.
Author Bio:
Dr. Leslie Becker-Phelps is a clinical psychologist, author, and speaker. She is a regular contributor to the Relationships blog for WebMD, as well as the Making Changes blog for Psychology Today, and is the author of Insecure in Love. She lives in New Jersey, where she is on the medical staff of the Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital-Somerset. She also runs a private practice dedicated to helping individuals and couples feel better about themselves in all aspects of their lives. She lives in Basking Ridge, New Jersey.
Reviews:
"Interactive exercises guide couples onto the road to harmony, and sensible advice will take them even closer to an ideal relationship." - Publishers Weekly
"Charts, diagrams, and illustrations permeate the text, creating a compelling, easy-to-follow read. This is one of the most straightforward guides to dating available." - Library Journal (Starred Review)
224 pages, Paperback
First published January 5, 2016
114 people are currently reading
430 people want to read
About the author
Leslie Becker-Phelps
7 books46 followersLeslie Becker-Phelps, PhD, is a licensed psychologist, author, and speaker. She is the author of The Insecure in Love Workbook, Bouncing Back from Rejection, and Insecure in Love. She writes the Authentically You blog and the Making Change blog for Psychology Today. Becker-Phelps previously served at Somerset Medical Center in Somerville, NJ, as director of women's psychological services and chief of psychology in the department of psychiatry. She lives with her husband and two sons in Basking Ridge, NJ. Find out more about her at www.drbecker-phelps.com.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 31 reviews
March 29, 2016
DNF.
This book is a complete waste of time. A bunch of fluffy pop-psychology that is not going to educate you or invigorate you in the least bit.
Usually I would say, "Oh, a 14-year-old who is going on her first date might enjoy this book" but I can't even say that. Even 14-year-olds are more savvy and interesting than this book. It's inane and inadequate. It's completely worthless garbage.
This book is a complete waste of time. A bunch of fluffy pop-psychology that is not going to educate you or invigorate you in the least bit.
Usually I would say, "Oh, a 14-year-old who is going on her first date might enjoy this book" but I can't even say that. Even 14-year-olds are more savvy and interesting than this book. It's inane and inadequate. It's completely worthless garbage.
May 2, 2025
The greatest thing about this book was the layout. The layout was brilliant, and the way it interacted with the reader was excellent.
However, the title is HIGHLY misleading, and instead, this book tries to generalize a lot of basic topics tied to "love." Unfortunately, this does a brilliant layout a disservice due to a lack of substance. But it really is beautifully and tragically laid out. This was more of a relationship "self-help" book than about the actual psychology of attraction.
To be fair, there is still content worth perusing, but it was less enjoyable to read from the beginning to the end. It would be better advertised as a general reference book.
3 Stars.
However, the title is HIGHLY misleading, and instead, this book tries to generalize a lot of basic topics tied to "love." Unfortunately, this does a brilliant layout a disservice due to a lack of substance. But it really is beautifully and tragically laid out. This was more of a relationship "self-help" book than about the actual psychology of attraction.
To be fair, there is still content worth perusing, but it was less enjoyable to read from the beginning to the end. It would be better advertised as a general reference book.
3 Stars.
December 14, 2022
A book for young female audiences, probably teeneage girls. I decided to read for one reason alone - my daughter is 18 in one week and the conversations about relationships and love and dating are becoming more relevant. I wanted to have a solid theoretical pillar to build my arguments on when talking to her and the book is relatively useful for that purpos - give you some general info on a very difficult topic. The authors are trying to bring some classifications and logic into an irrational topic according to some. I can recommend the book only to very young beginners. It would be a two stars out of 5, but due to the fact that my reading had a specific target l gave it 3 stars. It contains some questionable conclusions - th3 most obvious one is the idea that humans communicate to up to 93% using non-verbal means that was debunked a long time ago.
October 4, 2020
Love: The Psychology of Attraction is a great, informative book that explains how to have healthy relationships using the latest psychology and studies. It is full of crucial advice that I think everyone should check out to save themselves a lot of unnecessary pain and stress.
The information contained in the book is very well presented. Short paragraphs of information, along with images and visual representations of data, makes this book extremely fun and comprehensive to read. Most chapters are contained within two pages, each covering a different topic. This makes it easy to read a couple pages at a time without feeling too overwhelmed.
I enjoyed a lot the topics covered in the book. Human relationships and emotions are a terrifyingly complex subject. Yet the authors did a great job to try to capture each aspect's facts and challenges into a short space. I loved the idea of the 3 relationship types that the book is based on. This point of view does not antagonize or minimize either type, it presents information that should help everyone in the most objective way possible. The chapters contained can be re-read as needed, and that is something I will definitely do going while exploring future relationships.
Final Score: 95/100
For more reviews and other cool stuff follow me on:
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpWC...
Instagram - @grantkeeganofficial
Twitter - @gkeeganofficial
The information contained in the book is very well presented. Short paragraphs of information, along with images and visual representations of data, makes this book extremely fun and comprehensive to read. Most chapters are contained within two pages, each covering a different topic. This makes it easy to read a couple pages at a time without feeling too overwhelmed.
I enjoyed a lot the topics covered in the book. Human relationships and emotions are a terrifyingly complex subject. Yet the authors did a great job to try to capture each aspect's facts and challenges into a short space. I loved the idea of the 3 relationship types that the book is based on. This point of view does not antagonize or minimize either type, it presents information that should help everyone in the most objective way possible. The chapters contained can be re-read as needed, and that is something I will definitely do going while exploring future relationships.
Final Score: 95/100
For more reviews and other cool stuff follow me on:
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpWC...
Instagram - @grantkeeganofficial
Twitter - @gkeeganofficial
December 26, 2017
3.5 stars
Note: should be renamed to Love: Dating, Marriage, Parenting and Relationships in General
The actual title is misleading, since the whole book was not about psychology of attraction, only some of it was about that. The book actually covered being single, dating, relationships, marriage, having kids, and more aspects of relationships. It wasn't just focused on the psychology of attraction. There were little places carved out for psychology with studies and models and images, but this book wasn't solely about psychology either.
Saw this in a library and it piqued my attention. When I got it, though, I saw it was in the [annoying] DK publishing format like other books like "The Business Book". There were some good things in this book and some bad, but overall it was mostly just mediocre, hence the 3/3.5 stars rating.
It wasn't always interesting, which is why it took me almost 2 months to read it. However, I did enjoy the little bits of actual psychology in this book, such as learning about John Gottman and other psychologists/tests/etc.
Interesting things from this book
"Five Acid Tests" (, 118-119).
- The Five Step Test: When walking with a date, let yourself fall 5 steps behind them and see how long it takes them to notice. "If on the other hand, your date notices you aren't there and glances back to check, how do they react? Are they annoyed you couldn't keep up? Bothered they've lost their audience? Worried you're shunning them? Or subtly inviting you to join them? Keep your eyes open for the date who welcomes you into their space as a valued companion."
- Tell Them You Don't Like... "Their favourite book, movie, sport or hobby... this could save you a lifetime of tedium sitting through sports or films you hate, but the real reason is to see how your date reacts. If they consider ball games or romantic comedies a deal breaker, it's best o know now. More importantly, the best partner is one who doesn't take differences personally. Look for someone who thinks, 'Hey, let's compare notes on this--it's a chance to learn more about this interesting person.' Even if they don't convert you to the joys of beekeeping or line dancing, you may come to enjoy their enthusiasm and feel happy in your mutual acceptance of each other's quirky tastes and interests."
- Make a Personal Comment... "...try a neutral question or remark about that, and listen to their reaction. Are they a bit full of themselves and apt to pontificate on how their choices are the best choices? Are they insecure and assume they're being criticized? Or are they confident in themselves and happy to own their preferences?"
"Good Opening Lines" (145)
- "I've been worrying about something and I'd like to sort it out with you - is that okay?"
- "Hey, I'm feeling a little upset - can we talk about it?"
- "You know yesterday? I'm sure you didn't mean it, but I've been feeling anxious about something."
"Perfect Apology" (145)
From PNAS study:
1. Show and admit regret
2. Take responsibility
3. Do something to make amends. "Sweep up the mess you made, book a nice evening together, offer a gift... the point is to do something that actively proves you want to help your partner feel better."
"Staying Connected" (186)
"A Week of Kindness"
"1. Each get yourself a private notebook or memo pad, which, for the moment, you don't show your partner.
2. Every day for a week, make a note of everything your partner does that makes you feel appreciated, respected, valued, or special--even the small things like saying, "I'm making a cup of coffee, would you like one?" Big or small, the only criterion is that these things mean something to you.
3. At the end of the week, take a quiet moment somewhere, sit down together, and exchange your lists - not as debts, of course, but as gifts..."
"A United Front" (213)
"Sort Out Your Issues"
"...You may find it helpful to sort out your parenting needs... into two categories: things that bother you because they go against what you consider reasonable rules for any child to follow, and things that bother you because of personal associations [from your childhood]."
Wouldn't agree
"Those stupid pictures" (135)
Talking about "embarrassing photos" that "seemed like naughty fun at the time".
"(Especially if your ex turns out not to be the decent person you thought they were.) You'll probably feel a lot better if you can tell your partner: then you can tell your ex to "publish and be damned because it won't do you any harm as far as your love life goes."
>> Well, I do agree it's definitely good to tell your partner about it, however I don't think that your love life is all you should be concerned with when there's a situation like that. It can be humiliating and take a toll on your emotional health, potentially hurt your career, etc. Saying "Publish and be damned" may not be the best route to go.
"A Good Clean Fight" (200-201)
"Perceived Threat: "Don't you talk to me like that!" > How to resolve: Disengage from your anger. Lower the tone: soften your voice, keep your body language unthreatening. Avoid being adversarial: stop trying to make your point, at least for now. Relinquish power: let your partner have their say, and concede whatever you can."
>> These are good steps but I don't think it's that easy - reading what to do when it's something as hard as that doesn't just transform you into a person who can do it.
In conclusion, it was an OK read. Not sure if I would recommend it. It did have some good ideas, but it was hard to get through. If you're interested in an advice-like book with a little bit of psychology, then pick this one up.
Note: should be renamed to Love: Dating, Marriage, Parenting and Relationships in General
The actual title is misleading, since the whole book was not about psychology of attraction, only some of it was about that. The book actually covered being single, dating, relationships, marriage, having kids, and more aspects of relationships. It wasn't just focused on the psychology of attraction. There were little places carved out for psychology with studies and models and images, but this book wasn't solely about psychology either.
Saw this in a library and it piqued my attention. When I got it, though, I saw it was in the [annoying] DK publishing format like other books like "The Business Book". There were some good things in this book and some bad, but overall it was mostly just mediocre, hence the 3/3.5 stars rating.
It wasn't always interesting, which is why it took me almost 2 months to read it. However, I did enjoy the little bits of actual psychology in this book, such as learning about John Gottman and other psychologists/tests/etc.
Interesting things from this book
"Five Acid Tests" (, 118-119).
- The Five Step Test: When walking with a date, let yourself fall 5 steps behind them and see how long it takes them to notice. "If on the other hand, your date notices you aren't there and glances back to check, how do they react? Are they annoyed you couldn't keep up? Bothered they've lost their audience? Worried you're shunning them? Or subtly inviting you to join them? Keep your eyes open for the date who welcomes you into their space as a valued companion."
- Tell Them You Don't Like... "Their favourite book, movie, sport or hobby... this could save you a lifetime of tedium sitting through sports or films you hate, but the real reason is to see how your date reacts. If they consider ball games or romantic comedies a deal breaker, it's best o know now. More importantly, the best partner is one who doesn't take differences personally. Look for someone who thinks, 'Hey, let's compare notes on this--it's a chance to learn more about this interesting person.' Even if they don't convert you to the joys of beekeeping or line dancing, you may come to enjoy their enthusiasm and feel happy in your mutual acceptance of each other's quirky tastes and interests."
- Make a Personal Comment... "...try a neutral question or remark about that, and listen to their reaction. Are they a bit full of themselves and apt to pontificate on how their choices are the best choices? Are they insecure and assume they're being criticized? Or are they confident in themselves and happy to own their preferences?"
"Good Opening Lines" (145)
- "I've been worrying about something and I'd like to sort it out with you - is that okay?"
- "Hey, I'm feeling a little upset - can we talk about it?"
- "You know yesterday? I'm sure you didn't mean it, but I've been feeling anxious about something."
"Perfect Apology" (145)
From PNAS study:
1. Show and admit regret
2. Take responsibility
3. Do something to make amends. "Sweep up the mess you made, book a nice evening together, offer a gift... the point is to do something that actively proves you want to help your partner feel better."
"Staying Connected" (186)
"A Week of Kindness"
"1. Each get yourself a private notebook or memo pad, which, for the moment, you don't show your partner.
2. Every day for a week, make a note of everything your partner does that makes you feel appreciated, respected, valued, or special--even the small things like saying, "I'm making a cup of coffee, would you like one?" Big or small, the only criterion is that these things mean something to you.
3. At the end of the week, take a quiet moment somewhere, sit down together, and exchange your lists - not as debts, of course, but as gifts..."
"A United Front" (213)
"Sort Out Your Issues"
"...You may find it helpful to sort out your parenting needs... into two categories: things that bother you because they go against what you consider reasonable rules for any child to follow, and things that bother you because of personal associations [from your childhood]."
Wouldn't agree
"Those stupid pictures" (135)
Talking about "embarrassing photos" that "seemed like naughty fun at the time".
"(Especially if your ex turns out not to be the decent person you thought they were.) You'll probably feel a lot better if you can tell your partner: then you can tell your ex to "publish and be damned because it won't do you any harm as far as your love life goes."
>> Well, I do agree it's definitely good to tell your partner about it, however I don't think that your love life is all you should be concerned with when there's a situation like that. It can be humiliating and take a toll on your emotional health, potentially hurt your career, etc. Saying "Publish and be damned" may not be the best route to go.
"A Good Clean Fight" (200-201)
"Perceived Threat: "Don't you talk to me like that!" > How to resolve: Disengage from your anger. Lower the tone: soften your voice, keep your body language unthreatening. Avoid being adversarial: stop trying to make your point, at least for now. Relinquish power: let your partner have their say, and concede whatever you can."
>> These are good steps but I don't think it's that easy - reading what to do when it's something as hard as that doesn't just transform you into a person who can do it.
In conclusion, it was an OK read. Not sure if I would recommend it. It did have some good ideas, but it was hard to get through. If you're interested in an advice-like book with a little bit of psychology, then pick this one up.
March 2, 2016
I liked the layout of this book and I appreciated images but it felt overall a little adolescent to me. And as far as dating books go, the text lacked serious context in my opinion. I will stick with "Modern Dating: A field Guide by Chiara Atik and Get the Guy by Matthew Hussey. Both books are far more mature compare to this one.
July 24, 2016
Learning all about the science of dating and attraction and romance. Lots of data in this one - and for me, someone fascinated about what makes people tick, I found this to be a most satisfying, and engaging read.
I'm gonna go on dates now, and put these theories to the test. For science.
I'm gonna go on dates now, and put these theories to the test. For science.
January 31, 2024
You can enjoy reading this book like a magazine.
The title is “Psychology”, but it is not academic, more like a causal essay.
The theme of the book is about love and romantic relationships.
If you are in a relationship with marriage in mind, maintain a relaxed relationship with each other. Once you get married, it will not be romantic because of the many real-life problems that will arise.
What is important is that both the man and the woman are financially independent and mentally independent. If these two things are in place, the marriage will not break up.
And don't try to change your husband/wife's personality or preferences.
All humans (even children) dislike being told what to do.
And don't get attached.
Even if you end up breaking up, be considerate of your partner without getting attached.
The title is “Psychology”, but it is not academic, more like a causal essay.
The theme of the book is about love and romantic relationships.
If you are in a relationship with marriage in mind, maintain a relaxed relationship with each other. Once you get married, it will not be romantic because of the many real-life problems that will arise.
What is important is that both the man and the woman are financially independent and mentally independent. If these two things are in place, the marriage will not break up.
And don't try to change your husband/wife's personality or preferences.
All humans (even children) dislike being told what to do.
And don't get attached.
Even if you end up breaking up, be considerate of your partner without getting attached.
February 12, 2020
Read for Philosophy Cafe February 2020. A very interesting format to present information such as what percentage of men or women find their partners online. There is extensive discussion of the role a person's personality (Stable, Distant, Avoiding) plays in how successful the person's romantic relationships will be long-term.
The form of the book makes use of infographics and Cosmo style quizes to relay the information to the reader. I enjoyed this form, and thought it made otherwise dense research easier to digest, as well as making the book a quick read.
The only major flaw is that only heterosexual, monogamous, relationships are examined and discussed.
The form of the book makes use of infographics and Cosmo style quizes to relay the information to the reader. I enjoyed this form, and thought it made otherwise dense research easier to digest, as well as making the book a quick read.
The only major flaw is that only heterosexual, monogamous, relationships are examined and discussed.
February 10, 2023
Loved the format of this book - extremely relatable and touched on a lot of topics and concerns I've faced. Put a lot of missing ends I had together to make sense. Describes what "love" and being in love is, as opposed to what we think it really is.
July 4, 2017
Fairly simplistic overview of the research being done on love but was still entertaining with pictures and diagrams throughout.
June 11, 2018
very useful for individuals clueless in the coupledom. it gives you a rough idea of what individuals will have to go through before, during and after a relationship.
October 3, 2018
Interesting analysis of the 3 basic types and their relationship success/failure. Otherwise, too pop culture and trite.
December 6, 2018
BUKU TERBAIK YANG PERNAH KUBACA DI TAHUN 2018
December 30, 2019
822 - 2019
September 21, 2020
the general layout of this book, w the illustrations and everything was very pleasing to the eye! the content was also pretty useful so i'd say it wasn't a bad read.
August 2, 2021
The chapters towards the end were more relatable to my life than much of the beginning, but this is a book I wish I had read when I had first started dating.
October 7, 2021
This book was actually wildly interesting and helpful! Definitely one I'd considering buying.
March 10, 2023
amo esse tipo de livros, bem ilustrado, deixa a informação bem mais fácil de ser absorvida, foi muito gostoso de se ler
July 24, 2025
I liked it.
The bit about self love was my favourite.
The bit about self love was my favourite.
March 23, 2017
Very well organized- infographics were fantastic. Covered necessary items that are not always easy to discuss.
June 27, 2017
I like it on account of, it done got a lot of them pictures
You know, there's a sizable population of people who would benefit from this book (and its ilk). This is an eye-pleasing, comprehensive overview. Covers everything from attachment styles (avoidant, anxious, secure) to what jokes indicate about values (too much! ay yi yi) to dealing with baby or dating after divorce.
I wish I could add a picture of the joke styles page as a preview of just how well laid out these charts our! um. are.
You know, there's a sizable population of people who would benefit from this book (and its ilk). This is an eye-pleasing, comprehensive overview. Covers everything from attachment styles (avoidant, anxious, secure) to what jokes indicate about values (too much! ay yi yi) to dealing with baby or dating after divorce.
I wish I could add a picture of the joke styles page as a preview of just how well laid out these charts our! um. are.
August 9, 2023
This was a great book to know the three attachment style as I’ve never heard of them before. I enjoyed how each attachment styles reacted during certain moments in relationships and the author provided examples and exercises that can be done when experiencing certain negative moments in a person’s relationship.
April 2, 2023
When you try to do everything at once you don’t do anything at all.
That’s what I felt after reading the book. It’s not at all useless or bad though, it’s quite good if you look for some interesting tidbits of information on the topic. On the other hand, the format of the book doesn’t allow any deeper exploration of the topic and can get you confused jumping from one aspect or incarnation of love to another.
So I guess it could be interesting and fun for someone, and it even could make them interested in the topic, but for me, it felt rather a hectic attempt to bite more than someone can possibly chew.
That’s what I felt after reading the book. It’s not at all useless or bad though, it’s quite good if you look for some interesting tidbits of information on the topic. On the other hand, the format of the book doesn’t allow any deeper exploration of the topic and can get you confused jumping from one aspect or incarnation of love to another.
So I guess it could be interesting and fun for someone, and it even could make them interested in the topic, but for me, it felt rather a hectic attempt to bite more than someone can possibly chew.
Read
July 3, 2016So far, this book is a very quick review of a ton of stuff I've already heard before. Interestingly, I've apparently gone from exhibiting the "anxious" attachment style to the "avoidant" in the past few years. It's been some hard times for sure, but I wouldn't have guessed that without a little quiz!
I don't know. Sometimes I feel like there's no point in wanting a romantic relationship or trying to have one, because it's all just doomed anyway. This is one of those times. I don't know if I can blame this book for that or not. Either way, I probably won't finish it.
I don't know. Sometimes I feel like there's no point in wanting a romantic relationship or trying to have one, because it's all just doomed anyway. This is one of those times. I don't know if I can blame this book for that or not. Either way, I probably won't finish it.
July 3, 2016
Very good and interesting, and I especially liked the infographics. However, I felt like my limited experience in the dating world limited my interest in some of the topics that got more specific, such as dating with children or what questions to ask before you get married. As an overall guide, I enjoyed it, but not enough of it applied specifically to me.
never-ever-reading
March 29, 2016welll, this looks like a steaming pile of shit!
July 26, 2016
I liked the layout of the book, especially the colorful infographics and statistics. This seemed more of a "dating how-to" rather than understanding the actual psychology of attraction.
October 17, 2016
The very first part about each individual's different psychological conditions is sound. The rest is just about random dating tips anyone can find on the internet.
November 5, 2019
Great quotes and great facts/data/research !
Displaying 1 - 30 of 31 reviews