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Xamnesia: Everything I Forgot in My Search for an Unreal Life
Welcome to Xamnesia... where you forget who you were when you landed.
At twenty-three, Lizzie leaves her native New Zealand to work for VIP billionaires in a remote Asian oasis. Legally forbidden to talk about her employers, she starts to call her new life Xamnesia. It's not all bad living in Xamnesia -- she gets a hug from Michael Jackson and diamond watches as tips. But the servitude and secrecy of her new life destroys her self-confidence.
Even transferred to Paris, she depends on champagne, cigarettes, and hotel concierges on speed dial to help fulfill all VIP requests. Will smuggling a million dollars be what snaps her out of her fog? And can she forge a real life after so many years in 'Xamnesia'?
An illuminating, no-holds-barred travel memoir about money, myopia and men.
At twenty-three, Lizzie leaves her native New Zealand to work for VIP billionaires in a remote Asian oasis. Legally forbidden to talk about her employers, she starts to call her new life Xamnesia. It's not all bad living in Xamnesia -- she gets a hug from Michael Jackson and diamond watches as tips. But the servitude and secrecy of her new life destroys her self-confidence.
Even transferred to Paris, she depends on champagne, cigarettes, and hotel concierges on speed dial to help fulfill all VIP requests. Will smuggling a million dollars be what snaps her out of her fog? And can she forge a real life after so many years in 'Xamnesia'?
An illuminating, no-holds-barred travel memoir about money, myopia and men.
260 pages, Paperback
First published June 22, 2015
158 people are currently reading
778 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 71 reviews
June 11, 2015
A great rollercoaster of a read, fabulous writing, an extraordinary story. Its pretty rare for me to be so swept along. All Lizzie's trademark style is here - compelling, energetic, sweeps you along - but here is the added ingredient of this being a memoir - so the honesty and humour and self-insight adds to the mix. A truly terrific read.
June 16, 2015
When Lizzie Harwood blindly accepts a job to work for a billionaire family on a remote island in Asia, she jumps at the opportunity, taking a risk not many of us would dare to think of attempting. XAMNESIA is intense, unapologetic, and gripping. From page one, I was swept into Harwood's wild adventure and found myself devouring her tale in one sitting. Wow! What a ride!
June 22, 2015
I couldn't put this book down. The years in the author's life that she wrote about were something only a very tiny percentage of the population can say they've experienced. The setting is sort of mind-boggling, actually - that mix of insouciant, extravagant wealth, and the rickety structure of staff and entourage that support it. The vivid detail and unique scenario alone make the book worth reading.
But I think what I liked even more was the author's unapologetic description of her life and choices during the time she wrote about, and the disastrous implications that went with it. The author is extremely nearsighted (physically), and myopia was a prevalent theme throughout the book. The author described how being myopic made her feel both vulnerable and invincible, and how both sensations affected the outcome of her story. Harwood may have been shortsighted in the decisions she made at the time, but her self-awareness and the rawness in which her story unfolds shows a perceptiveness which is farsighted indeed. This book is captivating and well worth the read.
In full disclosure, I was given an advance copy in exchange for my review, but I liked the book so much I ordered it.
But I think what I liked even more was the author's unapologetic description of her life and choices during the time she wrote about, and the disastrous implications that went with it. The author is extremely nearsighted (physically), and myopia was a prevalent theme throughout the book. The author described how being myopic made her feel both vulnerable and invincible, and how both sensations affected the outcome of her story. Harwood may have been shortsighted in the decisions she made at the time, but her self-awareness and the rawness in which her story unfolds shows a perceptiveness which is farsighted indeed. This book is captivating and well worth the read.
In full disclosure, I was given an advance copy in exchange for my review, but I liked the book so much I ordered it.
June 30, 2015
I read the whole book in two long sittings! I really loved it. What a complicated ride...what an unusual whirlwind of an adventure. The author writes so well, she carries you along with her. Sometimes I could relate, and at other times I just empathised with her struggle. You get to really know her and like her on her journey and you are happy she survives it and finds her real self in the process! Wonderful.
June 11, 2015
This is what happens when wanderlust and risk addiction meet. The author has likely been told time and time again that her life story should be a book. And now it is!
June 25, 2015
A daring, candid tale of adventure, from New Zealand, to "Xamnesia," to London to Paris. A unique coming-of-age story that transports the reader into a world filled with excitement and drama.
March 28, 2017
Confession: I spent a lot of time collecting clues about what country Lizzie Harwood was masking as Xamnesia. But I think I missed a lot while I lost myself in the altered reality she lived there. What comes through clearest of all is her vivid voice, full of sly humor and sympathy and warmth. And what it took for her to reclaim herself from the people who would have erased her soul in their service. Xamnesia, it turns out, is a state of being as much as a place, and her journey through it and out of it is one I'll be thinking about for a long time.
March 6, 2016
I could not contain my curiosity about a story that begins with the illegal transport of a million dollars across international boarders. Jump on a plane at a moments notice? Yes please! Do outrageous things without the foresight to consider consequence? Tell me more!
If I had not started reading Xamnesia at 11pm on Saturday night, it would not have taken me until mid-morning on Sunday to finish it. I love a good travel story, and even more so when there is an element of growth or learning to be gleaned. Toss in a bit of humour and some shocking details, and I am good to go.
This is a great book for air travel, airports, the beach, the hotel bar, the train, the cottage...you get the picture. It's a tale for anyone who ever wanted to live the life they imagined, but was so busy getting there, they forgot to imagine what they were looking for. It was honest and real and I thoroughly enjoyed our time together.
I gave this book 4 stars because it does not yet have a pre-quel/sequel and I am impatient to know what else Ms. Harwood has gotten herself into.
If I had not started reading Xamnesia at 11pm on Saturday night, it would not have taken me until mid-morning on Sunday to finish it. I love a good travel story, and even more so when there is an element of growth or learning to be gleaned. Toss in a bit of humour and some shocking details, and I am good to go.
This is a great book for air travel, airports, the beach, the hotel bar, the train, the cottage...you get the picture. It's a tale for anyone who ever wanted to live the life they imagined, but was so busy getting there, they forgot to imagine what they were looking for. It was honest and real and I thoroughly enjoyed our time together.
I gave this book 4 stars because it does not yet have a pre-quel/sequel and I am impatient to know what else Ms. Harwood has gotten herself into.
July 1, 2017
This amazing book is filled with the author's raw and honest descriptions of life in the fast lane, how she became entangled in the lives of the mega-rich, and the effect it had on her personally. Harwood's self-deprecating humour and vivid recollections of the ride fuse together into a marvellous, truly gripping story. You can't help be drawn into the story to find out what on earth she will do next. I loved the stream of consciousness approach that makes you feel like you're actually taking part in some great covert operation, or at the very least, behind the scenes. Awesome book, awesome journey, awesome reading.
June 29, 2015
A powerful and brave story on how one can lose herself in an impossible (and pointless) quest to please her boss (+ entourage). This is the story of many of us trying to perform well at work... although the extraordinary setting of Xamnesia makes Lizzie's journey very, very, very unique!
Difficult to put down once you start reading it, even for a "non reader" like me!
I recommend this memoir to all young adults (male and female) and hope Lizzie's perspective helps them understand the importance of being true to oneself.
Difficult to put down once you start reading it, even for a "non reader" like me!
I recommend this memoir to all young adults (male and female) and hope Lizzie's perspective helps them understand the importance of being true to oneself.
April 6, 2016
A seriously entertaining read. I was swept away in a tale that reads like fiction. Only it isn't! The choices we make in life are what moulds us and this heartfelt, honest, downright bizarre story is a testament to that. Xamnesia is a travel memoir like no other - and recounts an experience that I'm sure a tare few have had! That Lizzie comes out the other side and finds a way to move on and find herself again has the reader cheering for her!
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May 26, 2017Several indecent scenes right in the beginning.
January 28, 2017
A memoir that will send you back to your twenties and the foolish things you did.
February 5, 2017
This was really fun. I love reading about these little sub-cultures I know nothing about.
May 2, 2021
A compelling and brutally honest coming of age memoir which reads as a page-turner. I finished this book over a weekend and whilst at times I wanted to shout at Ms Harwood and shake some sense into her twenty-something self, I was also drawn into her bizarre world experience and (when allowed to come up for air) admiring of her frankness and honesty in telling her story. It has left me with plenty to ponder, in particular how damned hard our twenty-something lives can be, especially when the lure of making money is pitted against low self-esteem and battling the ever-lurking trolls waiting to pounce and take advantage.
January 8, 2017
A story with all the touchstones of an abusive relationship: it starts with the sense of being singled out as a perfect fit for an amazing experience. Then, the author's movement and communication with the outside world was restricted, with everyday decisions about wardrobe, diet, and sleep schedule taken out of her hands. Before you know it she's completely lost it, and spends all her energy trying to get through each day without making any mistakes. Only, this isn't about a romantic entanglement, it's a story about a JOB. Harwood does an excellent job telling a story many wouldn't want to share. I'm amazed at how she keeps it real without getting bogged down in self pity. A truly fascinating story.
November 14, 2018
Xamnesia is a wonderful gem of a book perfect to devour by the pool, on the beach, or tucked into bed. Within paragraphs the reader, just like our heroine and author, is whisked away on a very unexpected journey to an amazingly exotic yet strikingly scandalous unnamed land. Lizzie, our heroine, is restless and like so many of us were, desperately searching for our twenty-something post-academia identity. Perfectly timed, as these things often are, she’s offered an amazing opportunity to travel across the world to a land different than any she’s encountered while making obscene amounts of cash. Money, intrigue and a chance to feed her wanderlust, what could be more idea? The catch? She can never disclose any details of her employment to anyone.
The reader accompanies Lizzie on her journey as the mystery of the land she’s named “Xamnesia” unfolds and the nuances of working for the VIPs who forced into secrecy but paid her handsomely. Every chapter is a moment of “it can’t get any more weird” but it does. The odd behavior and strange requests from her employers mount until it seems Lizzie’s finally had enough, but has she?
This is certainly a page turner for many reasons. 1. It’s hard to believe this kind of world exists, but it certainly does. 2. The amazing storytelling has you rooting for Lizzie while simultaneously screaming into the pages, “What were you thinking?” 3. The soul bearing nature of this book takes you right back to your own early twenties and makes you marvel at the guts it took for the author to relive those years of self-destruction and doubt and share them with the world
Xamnesia is powerful book that entertains one moment, rips at your gut the next and keeps you hoping that Lizzie makes it out unharmed with her sanity in tact. I can't recommend it enough.
February 11, 2017
Well, the story starts with Liz narrating her attempt to smuggle $1 million in a suitcase. From here, amidst the dilemma of "Am I going to get caught?"and "Will they ask to check my bag?", she flashbacks to when at age 23 she lands a job at Xamnesia - this country somewhere between Saudi Arabia and Indonesia where the super riches hand over basic cars like Mercedes and BMW to their employees and small envelopes with 10K in cash every so often.
The story had its funny moments, but it was also full of painful memories of a young girl who would do anything to fit in... from allowing her VIPs to take advantage of her (sexually even), to doing cocaine just because everyone else was doing it too.
“the retreat from my family and shutting out friends when I felt judged, all my sad, faulty attempts at love that I’ve botched and messed up because I never loved myself...”
The last few chapters, where she was finally getting a grip of herself and her well-being, felt so rushed that I didn't even get to understand why she was smuggling the $1M into London to help the VIPs.
The story had its funny moments, but it was also full of painful memories of a young girl who would do anything to fit in... from allowing her VIPs to take advantage of her (sexually even), to doing cocaine just because everyone else was doing it too.
“the retreat from my family and shutting out friends when I felt judged, all my sad, faulty attempts at love that I’ve botched and messed up because I never loved myself...”
The last few chapters, where she was finally getting a grip of herself and her well-being, felt so rushed that I didn't even get to understand why she was smuggling the $1M into London to help the VIPs.
February 6, 2017
This was an odd read. Harwood seems very self-aware in some ways, and completely oblivious in others, and in ways that do not seem to make much sense. I suppose this is the human condition, but it made the reading feel more like circling the drain endlessly- and it does not help that her affect throughout the book was utterly flat.
Despite this, and the restrictions Harwood acknowledged about a lack of facts- even to what her daily duties were!- it is a scary look inside the enclaves of the ultra-wealthy, and points up how they are utterly disengaged with the likes of normal people. Considering most of our elected officials are in the rich to ultra-rich demographics, it points up how disconnected they are- since THEY get whatever they want when they want it, they cannot imagine another existence- even the existences of the people tasks with providing their effortless lives.
I did find it something of a page-turner; while uninformative and flat in affect, it was still an honest look at some aspects of a particular lifestyle.
Despite this, and the restrictions Harwood acknowledged about a lack of facts- even to what her daily duties were!- it is a scary look inside the enclaves of the ultra-wealthy, and points up how they are utterly disengaged with the likes of normal people. Considering most of our elected officials are in the rich to ultra-rich demographics, it points up how disconnected they are- since THEY get whatever they want when they want it, they cannot imagine another existence- even the existences of the people tasks with providing their effortless lives.
I did find it something of a page-turner; while uninformative and flat in affect, it was still an honest look at some aspects of a particular lifestyle.
February 11, 2017
Five out of five
May 28, 2016
Raw, vulnerable, heartbreaking, and funny – this story took me on a wild ride through the author’s turbulent twenties where she worked for the ultra-rich and saw and experienced things I can’t even imagine having seen in my twenties. What I did relate with, however, were Harwood’s emotions throughout the whole ordeal, which she describes beautifully and without reserve. She illuminates so well that feeling of being lost in your twenties and making questionable and even destructive decisions, which I believe so many can relate to. I really couldn’t put the book down once she arrived in Xamnesia – it was one wild story after the next, all told intelligently and honestly. Her humor had me rolling at times too, and the way she wrapped everything up and ultimately found happiness after such a tumultuous period of years was truly inspiring. I highly recommend this unique and powerfully-written story!
February 7, 2017
Oh boy.... what a ride. I loved peeking behind the scenes and glimpsing the life of the filthy rich and decadent. Don't think I'd like it much, though. At least, not in Xamnesia. And it sure made me think a lot....about what I would be willing to do (or not do) for a fat paycheque...about how young women acquire self-destructive habits which lead to colossally bad decisions... while I would recommend this one as an entertaining beach read, it's still a 3.5 for me. I just can't bring myself to give it a 4 because the writing is fair and amusing at best, juvenile and needing an editor at worst.
February 6, 2017
I'm not usually one to write reviews on Goodreads but this book was something else. I've never read anything so unaccountably honest and terrifying and brilliant all at once. At times it defies belief but sometimes that's the only way to know it's real.
May 17, 2016
I loved this travel memoir. The writing was wonderful, in a self-depreciating kind of way. Nothing about Lizzie's life or her family's is cookie-cutter or average. I appreciated her brutally honest stories, witty narrative and was glad to come along for the bumpy ride. Even though I don't agree with some of the choices she had to make, I also don't judge her for them. If anything I admire her for taking risks when most people, including myself, would choose the easier, safer route. Highly recommend this book!
November 11, 2015
Love and Adventure!
I read quite a bit, and this was a book that I could not put down. It was so full of adventure, relationships, travel, and experiences that are truly unforgettable. The author really knows how to pull in the reader with her riveting life stories. I found the story inspiring, heartfelt. It really encourages loving yourself. Her humor, thought and approach toward life are incredible. After reading this in all its color, I highly recommend the book!
I read quite a bit, and this was a book that I could not put down. It was so full of adventure, relationships, travel, and experiences that are truly unforgettable. The author really knows how to pull in the reader with her riveting life stories. I found the story inspiring, heartfelt. It really encourages loving yourself. Her humor, thought and approach toward life are incredible. After reading this in all its color, I highly recommend the book!
January 19, 2016
As a lover of travel stories it didn’t take long before I was enjoying this wonderful memoir. It is extremely well written, easy to read and there is a sparkle of self-deprecating humour throughout.
It was a great experience to be alongside Lizzie during those well-rewarded but sometimes extremely difficult times in Xamnesia. Her honesty and down to earth attitude endeared her character to me.
Although I was sorry to finish the book, I’m sure there will be more.
It was a great experience to be alongside Lizzie during those well-rewarded but sometimes extremely difficult times in Xamnesia. Her honesty and down to earth attitude endeared her character to me.
Although I was sorry to finish the book, I’m sure there will be more.
August 26, 2017
Self discovery
This book isn't so much a story of the lifestyles of the rich but one of self discovery and personal growth. It's amazing what we put up with when we don't believe we're lovable. Much of her experience is glossed over without much detail. She gives enough detail to comprehend what those years were like but not enough to draw you in and empathize with her struggle.
This book isn't so much a story of the lifestyles of the rich but one of self discovery and personal growth. It's amazing what we put up with when we don't believe we're lovable. Much of her experience is glossed over without much detail. She gives enough detail to comprehend what those years were like but not enough to draw you in and empathize with her struggle.
January 24, 2018
I almost never give five stars!
Not for anyone, not even classics. I gave five one other time for another raw, unflinching, courageous, honest memoir. This was so interesting and even funny. But at its heart is what I said above. I can only imagine what it took to write the 100% honest truth here. Wow. Write what you know, they say. Good advice.
Not for anyone, not even classics. I gave five one other time for another raw, unflinching, courageous, honest memoir. This was so interesting and even funny. But at its heart is what I said above. I can only imagine what it took to write the 100% honest truth here. Wow. Write what you know, they say. Good advice.
January 28, 2017
Lizzie Harwood is likeable, relentlessly positive, . and tragic during her twenties. It's a travel book like you probably haven't read before. It must have been terribly difficult to write let alone publish. She tells of her foibles without slipping into sappy emotionalism. Brave. I found myself wanting her to win and ultimately, she does. Well written and compelling. Worth your time and money.
February 27, 2017
I received this free eBook through Goodreads First Reads in exchange for a fair review.
I downloaded this book thinking it was a young woman’s story of the climbing the corporate ladder, but it is actually a free association writing style of the heart wrenching childhood neglect (and possible abuse), the author describes as “the charmed childhood of no parental supervision”, where the author and her siblings pretty much raise themselves in a “lawless environment” in New Zealand. (It is not unusual for the brother-in-law to attack the customers who complain with a knife or getting in a bathtub naked with his wife’s 3 siblings, age 6-4, after locking the door behind him, and the kindergarten teacher to duck tape the author’s 4 year old sister’s mouth to “shut her up”, among other things. )
Most of the book is about the years the author spent in a very rich desert country, where she moved after being promised a job without a contract or telling her what the job was. Due to the employment contract privacy items, there is hardly any information or the description of the environment or the VIPs in the book, other than to say she worked 14-16 hours a day and was on call around the clock 7 days a week. During her working years, she was treated with no respect, was paid well, partied until she was sick, allowed being sexually used by different VIPs, had so many one night stands, agreed smuggling 1 million dollars from France to England (“They offered and I volunteered. I am flexible that way “), and she ended up broke after making a small fortune working for VIPs for six years because of spending her money on clothes, booze, cocaine, and giving it to boyfriends.
The book has flashbacks to the different stages of the author’s life and doesn’t follow a plot and does not have much of a character development. It is written in a free association style but storytelling and flow are done well. I think this book would do well if it is developed as a movie script rather than a book. I give it 3 stars since the content is not my cup of tea, and it is probably more appealing to the twenty some year old readers. The author tells the reader who may judge her that she has already done that. As far as I am concerned there is no judgment here, and I just need to tell her she needs to nurture and learn to love herself, working on healing from what appears to be a very traumatic childhood, since she seems to have boundary, intimacy, and self-esteem issues. I am so glad she has finally found love in her life.
I downloaded this book thinking it was a young woman’s story of the climbing the corporate ladder, but it is actually a free association writing style of the heart wrenching childhood neglect (and possible abuse), the author describes as “the charmed childhood of no parental supervision”, where the author and her siblings pretty much raise themselves in a “lawless environment” in New Zealand. (It is not unusual for the brother-in-law to attack the customers who complain with a knife or getting in a bathtub naked with his wife’s 3 siblings, age 6-4, after locking the door behind him, and the kindergarten teacher to duck tape the author’s 4 year old sister’s mouth to “shut her up”, among other things. )
Most of the book is about the years the author spent in a very rich desert country, where she moved after being promised a job without a contract or telling her what the job was. Due to the employment contract privacy items, there is hardly any information or the description of the environment or the VIPs in the book, other than to say she worked 14-16 hours a day and was on call around the clock 7 days a week. During her working years, she was treated with no respect, was paid well, partied until she was sick, allowed being sexually used by different VIPs, had so many one night stands, agreed smuggling 1 million dollars from France to England (“They offered and I volunteered. I am flexible that way “), and she ended up broke after making a small fortune working for VIPs for six years because of spending her money on clothes, booze, cocaine, and giving it to boyfriends.
The book has flashbacks to the different stages of the author’s life and doesn’t follow a plot and does not have much of a character development. It is written in a free association style but storytelling and flow are done well. I think this book would do well if it is developed as a movie script rather than a book. I give it 3 stars since the content is not my cup of tea, and it is probably more appealing to the twenty some year old readers. The author tells the reader who may judge her that she has already done that. As far as I am concerned there is no judgment here, and I just need to tell her she needs to nurture and learn to love herself, working on healing from what appears to be a very traumatic childhood, since she seems to have boundary, intimacy, and self-esteem issues. I am so glad she has finally found love in her life.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 71 reviews