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Stories From the Polycule: Real Life in Polyamorous Families
An anthology of work from people living in polyamorous families of all configurations.
Welcome to the polycule: the network created by the interconnections of polyamorous relationships. Just like the molecules that make up all living things, polycules come in diverse forms: large, small, tightly bound, loosely connected, static, ever-changing. How do polycules form, what do they look like, how do they transform through time, and how do they, sometimes, end?
The first of its kind, this anthology brings together stories, poems, drawings and essays created by real people living in polycules. Children describe life with more than two parents; adults share what it’s like to parent with more than one partner. We hear from triads, solos, people who have felt polyamorous their entire lives, and people exploring poly for the first time. Some whimsical, some hilarious, some heartbreaking, some mundane, some life-changing—all pieces reflect the diverse reality of polyamorous families.
Welcome to the polycule: the network created by the interconnections of polyamorous relationships. Just like the molecules that make up all living things, polycules come in diverse forms: large, small, tightly bound, loosely connected, static, ever-changing. How do polycules form, what do they look like, how do they transform through time, and how do they, sometimes, end?
The first of its kind, this anthology brings together stories, poems, drawings and essays created by real people living in polycules. Children describe life with more than two parents; adults share what it’s like to parent with more than one partner. We hear from triads, solos, people who have felt polyamorous their entire lives, and people exploring poly for the first time. Some whimsical, some hilarious, some heartbreaking, some mundane, some life-changing—all pieces reflect the diverse reality of polyamorous families.
288 pages, Paperback
First published October 15, 2015
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December 30, 2016So I tried to read this straight through but soon realized that I don't actually find most stories about polyamorous daily life very interesting or useful or resonant unless they are written by queer people. (Especially queer kinky folks.) My days of soaking up all polyamory stories like a sponge because I'm so hungry for them are over, it seems.
So I started skimming. This book is difficult to skip around in if you are looking for things by the bio, because the table of contents does not list the author! I found that frustrating.
I did find one essay that was resonant and useful. "On leaving without saying goodbye" by Andrea Zanin (Not surprising to me as I read Zanin's blog.) This is definitely the gem in this book for me, and its all about evolving polyamorous relationships, how they keep changing. Here are a few quotes I found useful enough to type into a document and save.
“Poly[amorous] family means trusting my leatherfolk to come through, because romantic partners and metamours have never been the only people who count as family around here. It means refusing the narrative that says endings must mean never speaking to each other again, that love must die instead of changing shapes. Sometimes it means drawing boundaries, yes. But it also means we can leave without saying goodbye.”
“We don’t often think about endings. About the process of dissolving the structures we have so carefully labored to construct. All our painstaking effort isn’t for naught; for something to end means it had to have existed, and the existing is what counts. It’s just that in the same ways our building is complex, so is our dismantling."
"To me, a poly[amorous] family is a means, not an end. A approach to the world, an idea, but not a blueprint. I’m not sure I trust blueprints, anyway. They say static while reality persistently changes all around them. As poly[amorous] people, our relationships are no more and no less stable, lasting or happy than any others; but those three elements do not always occur, together or separately, even in the most conventional of arrangements. We just make different choices about process, about how we want things to work, not necessarily how we want them to end up. We start building a structure, we add on a room, we change the plan to accommodate what happens. Three baths and an unfinished basement. We make it work as best we can, same as anyone else. We double a recipe, make it gluten-free and substitute apple sauce for eggs. We call it something new and we feed each other…I’m writing about endings, but I’m not sure I know anything wise about them. I do know that we must adapt to an empty room with as much creativity as we built it in the first place.”
I may have missed a potentially awesome or useful piece in the book because of the skimming, but for me, what I read mostly made it very clear how much I need a queer centered book about polyamory. And I cannot think of one, with the possible exception of the one that I think Zanin has planned.
(not going to rate it cuz I didn't really read most of it.)
So I started skimming. This book is difficult to skip around in if you are looking for things by the bio, because the table of contents does not list the author! I found that frustrating.
I did find one essay that was resonant and useful. "On leaving without saying goodbye" by Andrea Zanin (Not surprising to me as I read Zanin's blog.) This is definitely the gem in this book for me, and its all about evolving polyamorous relationships, how they keep changing. Here are a few quotes I found useful enough to type into a document and save.
“Poly[amorous] family means trusting my leatherfolk to come through, because romantic partners and metamours have never been the only people who count as family around here. It means refusing the narrative that says endings must mean never speaking to each other again, that love must die instead of changing shapes. Sometimes it means drawing boundaries, yes. But it also means we can leave without saying goodbye.”
“We don’t often think about endings. About the process of dissolving the structures we have so carefully labored to construct. All our painstaking effort isn’t for naught; for something to end means it had to have existed, and the existing is what counts. It’s just that in the same ways our building is complex, so is our dismantling."
"To me, a poly[amorous] family is a means, not an end. A approach to the world, an idea, but not a blueprint. I’m not sure I trust blueprints, anyway. They say static while reality persistently changes all around them. As poly[amorous] people, our relationships are no more and no less stable, lasting or happy than any others; but those three elements do not always occur, together or separately, even in the most conventional of arrangements. We just make different choices about process, about how we want things to work, not necessarily how we want them to end up. We start building a structure, we add on a room, we change the plan to accommodate what happens. Three baths and an unfinished basement. We make it work as best we can, same as anyone else. We double a recipe, make it gluten-free and substitute apple sauce for eggs. We call it something new and we feed each other…I’m writing about endings, but I’m not sure I know anything wise about them. I do know that we must adapt to an empty room with as much creativity as we built it in the first place.”
I may have missed a potentially awesome or useful piece in the book because of the skimming, but for me, what I read mostly made it very clear how much I need a queer centered book about polyamory. And I cannot think of one, with the possible exception of the one that I think Zanin has planned.
(not going to rate it cuz I didn't really read most of it.)
December 6, 2021
This is a compilation, and as such some of the stories are rather good. But as a whole, this is not a good book.
The curation is really poorly done.
* There are a variety of stories written by people in the same polycule, where this could have been made evident, could have been cross referenced, could have used the same damn names for consistency, but none of that was done.
* The editing is virtually non-existent. I suspect the curator wanted to present the stories in an unedited way for authenticity, but it just made them hard to read. For example, one story early in the book is clearly an e-mail and includes a lot of net-speak, such as "lol". Also, there are at least two stories that are given in a Person A/Person B format, but their formatting is completely different and one of them is almost impossible to follow because of it. This lack of editing makes the book lack cohesion, and makes the compendium feel very unprofessional to the reader. There are also a number of stories where the author goes off on a tangent, or includes a paragraph or two of apparently irrelevant details, these should have been edited to either elaborate on why they were there or be cut out. The people writing these stories are mostly average people, without writing skills, they NEED an editor. I feel a little like E. Sheff had one job here and failed to do it.
Some Praise:
* Being child-free myself, I wasn't looking forward to the "At the kids' table" chapter, but I decided I was powering through this thing so I would read that chapter and not skip it. Turned out to be the best chapter in the book in my opinion.
* I'd say the book gets better as you go. Although, this sucks because I know a ton of people who gave up on it after the first two chapters, including about half of my book-club. There are so many people who have started this book and been unable to finish it due to my earlier points.
The curation is really poorly done.
* There are a variety of stories written by people in the same polycule, where this could have been made evident, could have been cross referenced, could have used the same damn names for consistency, but none of that was done.
* The editing is virtually non-existent. I suspect the curator wanted to present the stories in an unedited way for authenticity, but it just made them hard to read. For example, one story early in the book is clearly an e-mail and includes a lot of net-speak, such as "lol". Also, there are at least two stories that are given in a Person A/Person B format, but their formatting is completely different and one of them is almost impossible to follow because of it. This lack of editing makes the book lack cohesion, and makes the compendium feel very unprofessional to the reader. There are also a number of stories where the author goes off on a tangent, or includes a paragraph or two of apparently irrelevant details, these should have been edited to either elaborate on why they were there or be cut out. The people writing these stories are mostly average people, without writing skills, they NEED an editor. I feel a little like E. Sheff had one job here and failed to do it.
Some Praise:
* Being child-free myself, I wasn't looking forward to the "At the kids' table" chapter, but I decided I was powering through this thing so I would read that chapter and not skip it. Turned out to be the best chapter in the book in my opinion.
* I'd say the book gets better as you go. Although, this sucks because I know a ton of people who gave up on it after the first two chapters, including about half of my book-club. There are so many people who have started this book and been unable to finish it due to my earlier points.
September 28, 2015
An interesting read. A compendium of very short stories, as told by people who've had polyamorous experiences. This means two things: it's a great book to read in quick bursts (say, while commuting!); and the stories are short enough that it's hard to to take anything away from them other than the experience except - though sometimes the authors of the stories include some of their evaluations of what happened.
A couple of stories are connected, and those were the most interesting to me. Seeing two points of view on the same situation (even if it's adult and child) gives a whole new dimension to the book. This is something I would've really liked to see much more.
There are also all kinds of stories: those that worked, those that didn't, the bland, the kinky, those that appear healthy, and those that don't. One particular story appeared to contain so much couple privilege, that seems to have caused so much pain to those crossing the couple's path, that it was a little painful to read, especially as the writer was so oblivious to it. Of course, this is an outside perspective based on a short story, so grain of salt and all that.
What all of the writers do have in common is the courage and honesty to get their story out there, and for that we should be thankful! :)
A couple of stories are connected, and those were the most interesting to me. Seeing two points of view on the same situation (even if it's adult and child) gives a whole new dimension to the book. This is something I would've really liked to see much more.
There are also all kinds of stories: those that worked, those that didn't, the bland, the kinky, those that appear healthy, and those that don't. One particular story appeared to contain so much couple privilege, that seems to have caused so much pain to those crossing the couple's path, that it was a little painful to read, especially as the writer was so oblivious to it. Of course, this is an outside perspective based on a short story, so grain of salt and all that.
What all of the writers do have in common is the courage and honesty to get their story out there, and for that we should be thankful! :)
January 14, 2020
It wasn't quite as bad as I feared after the first few (heteronormative) stories, but this book does read a little bit relationship-normative if you're used to a queer bubble. There are queer folks represented, but very few who are exclusively gay, for example, or trans. I did like some of the more unusual family structure depictions, and how young kids perceive polyamory, which is refreshingly blasé.
July 4, 2022
This is worth a read just to better understand polyamorous relationships and their different forms and challenges. It definitely wasn't a page turner but overall I feel more informed and more open minded from reading it.
July 26, 2021
This selection of stories could have been gayer. Many of the relationships and families represented, though diverse and inclusive, were middle age, middle class, cis-passing, and heteronormative. It's been some years since the publication and for that I can contextually place the language of these stories in a time that didn't operate against microagressions as we do today.
I took notes on specific lines that stood out to me. They will continue to help me in ways even outside my polyamourous exploration. I feel a better knowledge of my own wants and desires after reading the loves and losses of these authors 😊
I took notes on specific lines that stood out to me. They will continue to help me in ways even outside my polyamourous exploration. I feel a better knowledge of my own wants and desires after reading the loves and losses of these authors 😊
January 7, 2016
Tales from the trenches, from so many angles! I'm certain I will read this several times as I continue my personal and academic inquiry into the nature of polyamory. A great read for anyone who is curious about non-monogamy, even if you already know it's not in the cards for you.
Tales from the trenches, from so many angles! I'm certain I will read this several times as I continue my personal and academic inquiry into the nature of polyamory. A great read for anyone who is curious about non-monogamy, even if you already know it's not in the cards for you.
Tales from the trenches, from so many angles! I'm certain I will read this several times as I continue my personal and academic inquiry into the nature of polyamory. A great read for anyone who is curious about non-monogamy, even if you already know it's not in the cards for you.
February 6, 2017
This collection of stories offers a thorough yet accessible snapshot of daily life in polyamorous networks. There's something here for everyone, from the poly newb to the seasoned veteran. I particularly love that the voice of each contributor was preserved, and it felt like such a joy to get a sampling of the stories of people from so many different walks of life.
May 4, 2018
Great introduction to the wide world of polyamory and different roads that lead to poly relationships, varied styles of poly relationships and also what a few poly family experiences have been like for members of those families including young kids.
A great, personal way to get an understanding of polyamory though personal stories, especially if we haven’t heard much about poly before.
A great, personal way to get an understanding of polyamory though personal stories, especially if we haven’t heard much about poly before.
October 15, 2019
A bit hit or miss, but the chapters on the lives of kids in poly families and long-term poly relationships were really good and some of the stories made me tear up. It also helped me get some examples of how I might want future relationships to roughly look like or important things to talk about so I really appreciate that since there's not a lot of poly representation (specially not good rep)
January 19, 2020
I'm currently reading "Stories From the Polycule" and I have to say I love it! It's a really well laid out readable book. I'm enjoying the real stories from real people sharing their thoughts, feelings and perspectives through their lived experience. I highly recommend this book to any open-minded person wanting to know more about different expressions of relationships.
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May 13, 2019
This was FASCINATING. All the different types of families, and how they work - I loved it.
June 25, 2019
Hmmm, I've been seriously mulling over how I feel about this book. Certain parts of me loved it while other parts of me didn't like it because of how polyamory,or how the person discussing their poly family/lifestyle, portrayed it. I was irritated and frustrated a few times while reading the book but then I had to remember that these are individual experiences and i can't invalidate them just because it sounds really bad and puts polyamory in a bad light in my opinion.
The author(s) Elizabeth Sheff and Tikva Wolf did a pretty decent job compiling stories, poems drawings and essays from poly families overall. Here's a blurb about the book that I thought was helpful: Welcome to the polycule: the network created by the interconnections of polyamorous relationships. Just like the molecules that make up all living things, polycules come in diverse forms: large, small, tightly bound, loosely connected, static, ever-changing. How do polycules form, what do they look like, how do they transform through time, and how do they, sometimes, end? The first of its kind, this anthology brings together stories, poems, drawings and essays created by real people living in polycules.
I'm constantly trying to put polyamory on the forefront, constantly trying to normalize it. I do it primarily to show society that it is just as good as monogamy. However, my inner self also says I don't owe it anyone and you should just live your life. Also, I'm speaking out publicly to reduce the stigma surrounding polyamory. Elizabeth Sheff edited this piece and while I think she did a good job, I don't know why she felt the need to include two stories,one of which was her own, talking about monogamish relationships. WHY WOULD THIS BE IN AN ANTHOLOGY ABOUT POLYAMORY IF YOU AREN'T POLYAMOROUS???? I seriously want to ask her this because it's pretty asinine! Being Monogamish is not polyamory.
It's not even under the non-monogamy umbrella in my opinion. No offense to the author or anyone who likes her but I don't think she could call herself an expert at polyamorous relationships. She went into a poly relationship under duress basically and that's how things get fucked up and folk's feelings get hurt. I'm still happy overall that I read this book.
The author(s) Elizabeth Sheff and Tikva Wolf did a pretty decent job compiling stories, poems drawings and essays from poly families overall. Here's a blurb about the book that I thought was helpful: Welcome to the polycule: the network created by the interconnections of polyamorous relationships. Just like the molecules that make up all living things, polycules come in diverse forms: large, small, tightly bound, loosely connected, static, ever-changing. How do polycules form, what do they look like, how do they transform through time, and how do they, sometimes, end? The first of its kind, this anthology brings together stories, poems, drawings and essays created by real people living in polycules.
I'm constantly trying to put polyamory on the forefront, constantly trying to normalize it. I do it primarily to show society that it is just as good as monogamy. However, my inner self also says I don't owe it anyone and you should just live your life. Also, I'm speaking out publicly to reduce the stigma surrounding polyamory. Elizabeth Sheff edited this piece and while I think she did a good job, I don't know why she felt the need to include two stories,one of which was her own, talking about monogamish relationships. WHY WOULD THIS BE IN AN ANTHOLOGY ABOUT POLYAMORY IF YOU AREN'T POLYAMOROUS???? I seriously want to ask her this because it's pretty asinine! Being Monogamish is not polyamory.
It's not even under the non-monogamy umbrella in my opinion. No offense to the author or anyone who likes her but I don't think she could call herself an expert at polyamorous relationships. She went into a poly relationship under duress basically and that's how things get fucked up and folk's feelings get hurt. I'm still happy overall that I read this book.
April 2, 2018
What makes this collection deserving of five stars is the raw honesty it portrays about the breadth of experiences that occur when people explore non-conventional relationship styles. While I am a non-hierarchical polyamorist experiencing passionate joy and authenticity in my multiple loving relationships, I understand that polyamory isn't for everyone. I can appreciate that this collection not only explored the healthy and happy polyamorists but also the unhealthy and heartbroken polyamorists...the ones who lost traditionally minded loved ones due to their non-traditional life choices...the ones who got caught on the bad side of couple privilege and hierarchical poly...the ones who loved and lost for no other reason than the cards fell that way despite everyone's sincere efforts. I hope that some readers who are interested in or new to polyamory will read this collection and see some unhealthy patterns to avoid and some good examples to strive for. I hope that some curious monogamists will read this collection and see that it is OK to live and love differently, even if it is not the choice they make for their own life. I hope that looking at some alternative relationships will inspire some readers to research concepts like toxic monogamy and conscious monogamy, to challenge the privilege they may unknowingly benefit from and the cultural assumptions that might be better off challenged. I understand the critical reviews but personally can't rate this below five stars; I loved it too much. I agree with another reviewer that my favorite essay was, "On leaving without saying goodbye" by Andrea Zanin.
January 15, 2018
Great collection of stories from all the "messy" parts of a polyamorous lifestyle
Instead of prescribing or trying to figure out what is and isn't poly. This books, instead, gives honest accounts of various aspects of the lifestyle and has the reader try to figure out what is and isn't to them. Very much enjoyed it
Instead of prescribing or trying to figure out what is and isn't poly. This books, instead, gives honest accounts of various aspects of the lifestyle and has the reader try to figure out what is and isn't to them. Very much enjoyed it
August 6, 2022
A lovely compilation of stories and poetry from real polyamorous families. Everyone experiences things differently. We hear from children, Co parents and people from all over the world. Both the "good" and "bad" sides are discussed and it feels thorough and informing.
I enjoy Elisabeth Sheffs work.
I enjoy Elisabeth Sheffs work.
October 24, 2018
A few excellent stories but a lot of lackluster reads in the mix. Better quality over quantity IMO.
August 5, 2024
Bad essays and worse editing.
April 12, 2025
I really enjoyed this one and come back to flip through it often. There are insights from people in all positions within a polyamorous family - someone who began dating a pre-established couple, someone who had an established relationship (sometimes with children) and then began to incorporate another longterm partner, poly parents’ teenage kid, poly parents’ toddler kid, people who’d been with their partners for 3 years or 30, etc, etc. There is a great amount of variety in the structure of the stories, poems, and essays. I’ve seen some other commenters were annoyed by this, but I liked it. Some are musings on polyamory itself, geared at explaining to people just hearing about polyamory why it’s worth it to polyamorists. Most are autobiographical - how do small kids respond to mommy having several “special friends?” How does parenting work with 3+ parents? What kinds of harassment, discrimination, and fear does this particular minority live with?
January 5, 2017
I won this book through Goodreads Giveaways.
I'm exclusively monogamous and happy with that, however I've always been curious about polyamory. I have a minor in Sexuality, Gender and Queer studies and while I polyamory had been mentioned in my education, it was never really focused on. I found this book to be very informative. It was interesting to see the different formations that polyamorous relationships can take on and how people came to be polyamorous. I was a little disappointed in the section regarding children because I've always wondered what it is like for children growing up in polyamorous families and that seemed to be the shortest section with not enough input from children. I wished that some of the stories throughout the book had been longer, but I suppose in a collection of stories, you can't have stories that go too in depth or the book would be 1000 pages long.
I'm exclusively monogamous and happy with that, however I've always been curious about polyamory. I have a minor in Sexuality, Gender and Queer studies and while I polyamory had been mentioned in my education, it was never really focused on. I found this book to be very informative. It was interesting to see the different formations that polyamorous relationships can take on and how people came to be polyamorous. I was a little disappointed in the section regarding children because I've always wondered what it is like for children growing up in polyamorous families and that seemed to be the shortest section with not enough input from children. I wished that some of the stories throughout the book had been longer, but I suppose in a collection of stories, you can't have stories that go too in depth or the book would be 1000 pages long.
December 4, 2015
This was a great little collection of stories told from inside poly families - some sad ones, some unusual ones and many really hopeful ones. People have done this and they've kept themselves in for the long haul.
Reading this book, I found myself being really hopeful about my own relationships. Being polyamorous sometimes leaves you with that socialized taste in your mouth: maybe it's just a phase... But it isn't. It's who I am. These people have done it and the bad taste is nothing more than that.
Reading this book, I found myself being really hopeful about my own relationships. Being polyamorous sometimes leaves you with that socialized taste in your mouth: maybe it's just a phase... But it isn't. It's who I am. These people have done it and the bad taste is nothing more than that.
December 6, 2015
I received this book free as a Good reads first read.
It is an interesting book with a variety of short essays, poems, vignettes and interviews. I discovered my original thoughts about what polyamory is were very under-informed. It was a rather honest read, not just the good stuff but also the bad, and probably a very good book for anyone who is thinking about being in some form of poly relationship.
It is an interesting book with a variety of short essays, poems, vignettes and interviews. I discovered my original thoughts about what polyamory is were very under-informed. It was a rather honest read, not just the good stuff but also the bad, and probably a very good book for anyone who is thinking about being in some form of poly relationship.
December 30, 2015
This book had me in a bit of a dilemma. I'm torn between my faith and what I know God would choose for me in a relationship. I read this thinking these people all sound so happy in what they want to do with their lives and how they live. I am not here to judge them. If that makes them happy, then that is ok with me. Just not my cup of tea. A well written book for the open minded.
March 17, 2017
4 Stars = I really liked it
Very cool, punchy book. I found myself writing down quotes to remember later - sure sign of a goodie.
Very cool, punchy book. I found myself writing down quotes to remember later - sure sign of a goodie.
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