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Shorts
In 1994, two sailors from Ipswich discover a book of ancient Babylonian wisdom in their local library. This mighty tome, dusty and unread for millennia, holds within its pages the secret to ever-lasting life, and together they embark upon a quest to unlock that secret.
From Ipswich to Paris, they uncover the dark, secret history of Japanese underpants onions. In Egypt, they open the lost tomb of Bumblescum-Ra. In Gateshead, they visit a Greggs.
Secrets, dark ancient stuff that might may very well possibly have some small historical fact, but probably not. Mysterious religious conspiracies, wibble, Tom Hanks, and so on.
When the sailors return the book to the library, they discover it is three weeks overdue and have to pay a heavy 37p fine, and so decide to hire out a different book instead.
That book was SHORTS by Steven LaVey, a book made entirely from bits of fluff and gold. The two sailors laugh so hard at SHORTS that they die for three weeks, incurring an even heavier late return fine of £1.29.
Featuring:
• Celebrity Letters
• Robert De Niro’s Underpants Mystery
• The Post-Apocalyptic Adventures of a Man with a Bent Penis
• Any many more nonsense stories from Steven LaVey’s horrible imagination
From Ipswich to Paris, they uncover the dark, secret history of Japanese underpants onions. In Egypt, they open the lost tomb of Bumblescum-Ra. In Gateshead, they visit a Greggs.
Secrets, dark ancient stuff that might may very well possibly have some small historical fact, but probably not. Mysterious religious conspiracies, wibble, Tom Hanks, and so on.
When the sailors return the book to the library, they discover it is three weeks overdue and have to pay a heavy 37p fine, and so decide to hire out a different book instead.
That book was SHORTS by Steven LaVey, a book made entirely from bits of fluff and gold. The two sailors laugh so hard at SHORTS that they die for three weeks, incurring an even heavier late return fine of £1.29.
Featuring:
• Celebrity Letters
• Robert De Niro’s Underpants Mystery
• The Post-Apocalyptic Adventures of a Man with a Bent Penis
• Any many more nonsense stories from Steven LaVey’s horrible imagination
168 pages, Kindle Edition
First published June 9, 2015
218 people want to read
About the author
Steven LaVey
3 books7 followersSteven LaVey gains sustenance entirely from bits of string and came forth into existence in a vacuum down the back of a settee in 1982. His main interests are solving crimes in his kegs and searching for Japanese prisoners of war in car parks around England. He lives and works in a small puddle.
From his Novocastrian lair, he has contributed subversive articles, misanthropic short-fiction, and vulgar poetry towards several print and digital magazines. He lists his interests as sex, the occult, eastern and western philosophy, the attainment of the perfection of the male human-animal form through physical trials, post-apocalyptic cookery, getting red teeth from expensive bottles of rioja, the writing and wisdom of Henry Miller, and the word-magic of William S. Burroughs. Steven LaVey describes his writing as an ongoing exercise in the attempt to understand the human-animal condition through empirical evaluation.
He is the author of three naughty books.
From his Novocastrian lair, he has contributed subversive articles, misanthropic short-fiction, and vulgar poetry towards several print and digital magazines. He lists his interests as sex, the occult, eastern and western philosophy, the attainment of the perfection of the male human-animal form through physical trials, post-apocalyptic cookery, getting red teeth from expensive bottles of rioja, the writing and wisdom of Henry Miller, and the word-magic of William S. Burroughs. Steven LaVey describes his writing as an ongoing exercise in the attempt to understand the human-animal condition through empirical evaluation.
He is the author of three naughty books.
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