More Love, Less Panic: 7 Lessons I Learned About Life, Love, and Parenting After We Adopted Our Son from Ethiopia

by Claude Knobler

In this heartwarming and hilarious memoir, Claude Knobler describes how he learned the hard way that the apple actually can fall far from the tree—and that’s Okay.

Already the biological parents of a seven-year-old son and a five-year-old daughter, Claude Knobler and his wife decided to adopt Nati, a five-year-old Ethiopian boy who seemed different from Knobler in every conceivable way. After more than five years spent trying to turn his wild, silly, adopted African son into a quiet, neurotic, Jewish guy like himself, Knobler realized the importance of having the courage to love, accept, and let go of his children.

In this wonderfully written memoir, Knobler explains how his experiences raising Nati led him to learn a lesson that applied equally well to parenting his biological It’s essential to spend the time we are given with our children to love them and enjoy them, rather than push and mold them into who we think they should be.

Genres: Adoption, Parenting, Nonfiction

272 pages, Paperback

First published December 26, 2014

About the author

Claude Knobler’s essays have appeared in Parenting Magazine, on NPR’s “This I Believe.” and in Worldwide Orphans Foundation founder Dr. Jane Aronson’s book, Carried in Our Hearts.
Before that, it was a bit stranger….
For nearly a decade and a half, Claude’s syndicated radio feature was heard in over a hundred US cities, as well as in London and New Zealand. Radio listeners in New York, Dallas, San Diego and dozens of other cities listened regularly to “Claude Knobler, Live From Hollywood Reports”.
Prior to that, Claude often appeared on TV, co-starring in a pilot for an ABC series with a young Brad Pitt called The Kids Are Alright (Brad was…Claude, not so much.)
But of course, not all of Claude’s early work was exotic. He also spent two years working in New York City as a private detective. (Really, it’s true.) Before that, he delivered singing telegrams in a gorilla costume and also spent a Summer dressed as King Kong entertaining tourists at the Empire State Building. (Really, really.)
Claude Knobler now lives in Los Angeles with 
his wife, three children and his dog, Boise.

Reviews

[TJ]

I grade adoption books on a pretty easy curve, but this book is a mess.

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is NOT an adoption book. Not really. It is a parenting-in-general book. These are lessons that were thrown into relief for the author by the adoption of his son from Ethiopia, but they are not at all adoption lessons. What this IS is a funny, sensitive, passionate call to better parenting---to letting our children be the people they are, while we love and parent and help them (instead of trying to force them into a predetermined mold out of fear that they will grow up "wrong.") I loved this book, each lesson really resonated with me. My only complaint is some chapters felt "drawn out" like he felt he needed to keep talking even after he clearly made his point. Still, a fast read, and one of the sweetest books on parenting I've ever read. Quote time--this is from the end of the book: "Fear, no matter how well-intentioned, has never once changed any of my children or helped them grow toward becoming the men and woman they can one day be. Love, on the other hand, has never failed me. When I love and accept my children as they are, I don't have to shout for quiet and I don't have to try to nag, punish, and force people into mature responsibility. Love is what I put my faith in, scary though that may be."
Wonderful, wonderful book.

[K.J. Dell'Antonia · Rating 4 out of 5]

For a raw, honest, as it happens account of an older child cross cultural adoption, I've yet to read better than this. Some of the similarities to our experience made me rethink some of the generalizations that are often made about waiting kids and their needs and experience and emotions--I think a brash cover is more common than people think. Great read for adoptive families.

[Sonja · Rating 1 out of 5]

food for thought...

http://theworldbreakseveryone.com/the...

[Kathleen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is not a story about adoption. Well, it is, of course, but it's more about raising children while accepting them -- and in recognizing how little control one actually has.

[Kate · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 if that were an option. Sweet, honest, enjoyable book.

[Brooke · Rating 4 out of 5]

Easy little read. Funny. Oversimplifies parenting a bit but still has nuggets of good advice; enjoyable read.

[Angela · Rating 3 out of 5]

This ebook caught my eye because my husband and I have always talked about the possibility of adding to our family either by adoption or foster care. I downloaded the ebook and got right to reading. I would say the first quarter of the book was interesting when the dad went over to Ethopia to meet his son for the first time and bring him back to the states to introduce him to his brother, sister and mom. The remaining 3/4 of the book was all about how the father has a lot of anxiety. Now, don't get me wrong, I have plenty of anxiety myself but this author actually made me feel anxious. I wish the author had spent a bit more time on how the child, Nati, adjusted to living in the US and more about who he is today rather than how to parent his three children. I think he was just trying to say that by adopting Nati it taught him to be a better parent.

One pet peeve I have is that there were pictures sprinkled throughout the book and they were nice to see. He kept mentioning how he to this day has the first picture of his son that the orphanage sent him -- did he share it? No. Geesh!

[Sue Kozlowski · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quick read - very touching book. After adopting an Ethiopian 5 year old who is very different than his own Jewish family, Claude comes to the realization that it is fruitless to try and change your children. He finds that it is better to enjoy the time with you have with your children, rather than to yell at them to change to be like you. He does get a little repetitive on this theme, but it is an enjoyable story nonetheless.

[Leslee Jaeger · Rating 4 out of 5]

Although at times repetative, this is a great book about how we can influence our children by letting go of complete control. Wonderful humor. Wish I would have read 10 years ago when I was making all of the mistakes the author describes. I also appreciate that it was written by a stay at home dad, which gives parenting a slightly different perspective than us women.

[Katie · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book did not do it for me. I am a worrier and I am often very anxious. But he made me seem like the most laid back, type-B person to ever walk the face of the planet.

I wish he’d shared more about how Nati had adjusted to being in America and that sort of thing. Instead it was basically about how he worried and that his worry was for naught. Rinse, repeat.

[Lisa D · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really enjoyed this book - the first chapter especially. I laughed and cried - the author was spot on with some of his perspectives on parenting (and the crazy things that go through parents minds). Quick read - you won't want to put it down.

[Carrie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful book. Highly recommended- especially for those currently raising children.

[Stacy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very good practical advice. The beginning reads a bit like -- wow aren't we fantastic people for adopting a child but the tone quickly changes.

[LinBee · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very interesting book about parenting. Quite a few good points about not worrying so much about the small stuff.

[Sharon · Rating 2 out of 5]

A few useful ideas, but too didactic for me.

[Emmalina]

A parenting story full of fun and relatable stories that encourage less worry and control and more love and acceptance.