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Licker
An all-new novelette by the Stoker Award-winning author Michael A. Arnzen.
Michael A. Arnzen, the Bram Stoker Award winning author of the cult classic novels Grave Markings and Play Dead, delivers this all-new novelette of side-splitting terror. Robert Harper has some funky things growing on his tongue--but that doesn't stop him from finally asking out the lovely Sheila. But something Robert could've never imagined is about to occur on their first date at a local carnival. With the "help" of two strange carnival attendents, Robert Harper is plunged into a world of horror beyond his worst nightmares--a world of demented hallucinations, twisted medical experiments, and beings that exist only in the darkest of corners.
Michael A. Arnzen, the Bram Stoker Award winning author of the cult classic novels Grave Markings and Play Dead, delivers this all-new novelette of side-splitting terror. Robert Harper has some funky things growing on his tongue--but that doesn't stop him from finally asking out the lovely Sheila. But something Robert could've never imagined is about to occur on their first date at a local carnival. With the "help" of two strange carnival attendents, Robert Harper is plunged into a world of horror beyond his worst nightmares--a world of demented hallucinations, twisted medical experiments, and beings that exist only in the darkest of corners.
- GenresHorror
112 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2006
31 people want to read
About the author
Michael A. Arnzen
81 books280 followersMichael Arnzen has won multiple awards for his fiction and poetry, including four Bram Stoker Awards and the International Horror Guild Award. He teaches horror and suspense writing at Seton Hill University, as faculty in their unique MFA degree program in Writing Popular Fiction.
To catch up with Arnzen or hunt down collectable editions, visit the author's website, GORELETS.COM Or tune in his new podcast: 6:66 w/Michael Arnzen at http://6m66s.com/
To catch up with Arnzen or hunt down collectable editions, visit the author's website, GORELETS.COM Or tune in his new podcast: 6:66 w/Michael Arnzen at http://6m66s.com/
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
February 5, 2014
Michael Arnzen, Licker (Novello Publishers, 2006)
I blew through Michael Arnzen's novella Licker in less than a day, something that is increasingly rare for me these days given the decreased amount of reading time I have per day (to be fair, this is my fault. I blame Netflix). That's not just a testament to the book's abbreviated (112pp.) length. I was familiar with Arnzen through Dying, a limited-edition poetry chap that is very funny indeed, and I was expecting more of the same here. I didn't get it, in that where Dying is very clever and subtle about its humor, Licker is about as clever and subtle as a piece of rebar to the back of your skull. That makes it no less funny.
Plot: Robert is a socially-awkward high school student, socially awkward not least because of a half-score of oozing lesions on his tongue. As we open he's hanging out at a travelling carnival because, we soon find out, he's just managed to land his first date. With a cheerleader, no less. The two get romantically entangled on the Ferris wheel, after which the lovely lass goes seemingly insane, jumps from the car, and plunges to her death. That would be traumatizing enough, but a seemingly-helpful carny, under the guise of helping Robert avoid the cops, kidnaps him and tosses him into a cage. The carny doctor examines the lesions and does a little testing, while Robert gets to know the very weird underside of the carnival. When the doctor returns with his findings, well, that's when things get really weird.
I've never seen Arnzen associated with the bizarro movement, but Licker is a pitch-perfect bizarro book in many ways, both in its strengths—this thing is just flat-out weird, to the point where you have to ask yourself what Arnzen was ingesting when he came up with this ridiculousness (Jeff Strand, in his amusing introduction, offers a few possibilities)—but it also has some of bizarro's weaknesses. The most notable, and I think I've probably said this in every bizarro review I've ever written that was not of a Carlton Mellick book, is that it's too damn short. The real meat of this story could have been after Robert finds himself behind the scenes; there's all kinds of material to be mined in the characters' interrelationships and how Robert's presence changes things. If Arnzen ever decides to expand this into a full novel, I'll be first in line to buy it. Same goes if there's ever a full-length sequel, which would not be outside the realm of possibility. Though every time I say something like that I feel the need to rush to add that this is perfectly capable of standing on its own. I just wish it had been longer. That aside, though, what's here is very funny, very gross, and well worth reading. Novello's title page states that this was the first and last printing, but you never know. Still, if you stumble across a copy of it at Half-Price Books, like I did, why tempt fate? Snatch it up! *** ½
I blew through Michael Arnzen's novella Licker in less than a day, something that is increasingly rare for me these days given the decreased amount of reading time I have per day (to be fair, this is my fault. I blame Netflix). That's not just a testament to the book's abbreviated (112pp.) length. I was familiar with Arnzen through Dying, a limited-edition poetry chap that is very funny indeed, and I was expecting more of the same here. I didn't get it, in that where Dying is very clever and subtle about its humor, Licker is about as clever and subtle as a piece of rebar to the back of your skull. That makes it no less funny.
Plot: Robert is a socially-awkward high school student, socially awkward not least because of a half-score of oozing lesions on his tongue. As we open he's hanging out at a travelling carnival because, we soon find out, he's just managed to land his first date. With a cheerleader, no less. The two get romantically entangled on the Ferris wheel, after which the lovely lass goes seemingly insane, jumps from the car, and plunges to her death. That would be traumatizing enough, but a seemingly-helpful carny, under the guise of helping Robert avoid the cops, kidnaps him and tosses him into a cage. The carny doctor examines the lesions and does a little testing, while Robert gets to know the very weird underside of the carnival. When the doctor returns with his findings, well, that's when things get really weird.
I've never seen Arnzen associated with the bizarro movement, but Licker is a pitch-perfect bizarro book in many ways, both in its strengths—this thing is just flat-out weird, to the point where you have to ask yourself what Arnzen was ingesting when he came up with this ridiculousness (Jeff Strand, in his amusing introduction, offers a few possibilities)—but it also has some of bizarro's weaknesses. The most notable, and I think I've probably said this in every bizarro review I've ever written that was not of a Carlton Mellick book, is that it's too damn short. The real meat of this story could have been after Robert finds himself behind the scenes; there's all kinds of material to be mined in the characters' interrelationships and how Robert's presence changes things. If Arnzen ever decides to expand this into a full novel, I'll be first in line to buy it. Same goes if there's ever a full-length sequel, which would not be outside the realm of possibility. Though every time I say something like that I feel the need to rush to add that this is perfectly capable of standing on its own. I just wish it had been longer. That aside, though, what's here is very funny, very gross, and well worth reading. Novello's title page states that this was the first and last printing, but you never know. Still, if you stumble across a copy of it at Half-Price Books, like I did, why tempt fate? Snatch it up! *** ½
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February 22, 2008hah!
May 19, 2024
off the charts
4 stars
4 stars
October 29, 2012
Tight read but I think the gross factor outweighs the plot leaving me disappointed. Full review on Luridlit.com.
April 11, 2025
Quick and lighthearted, this funny story does not ignore the gross and weird AT ALL. Chock full of characters that make you want to throw up in your mouth, the wildly inappropriate jobs they maintain are hilarious but don't diminish their humanity. This "novelette" is a fast and funny read if you want a good time without leaving the horror genre.
BONUS - Mike's short story Domestic Fowl is included.
BONUS - Mike's short story Domestic Fowl is included.
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews