These Things Happen

by Greg Fleet

junk·y (jung'ke)

n. pl. junk·ies Slang

1. A narcotics addict, especially one using heroin

2. One who has an insatiable interest or devotion


co·me·di·an

(k?-me'de-?n) n.

1. Professional entertainer who tells jokes or performs other comic acts

2. An actor/writer in comedy

3. A person who amuses or tries to be amusing; a clown

For 25 years Greg Fleet has been one of Australia's most widely known and best loved comedians. For the same period, he's had a drug habit that has delivered him comedy and tragedy in equal parts.


These Things Happen is Fleet's hilarious, heartbreaking account of the life-or-death battle for his soul. On the high road: a genius wit and prodigious work ethic takes him from NIDA and Neighbours to Shakespeare with the MTC and writing and performing award-winning theatre around the country, and on to acclaim and adoration on stand-up stages all over the world. On the low road: a yearning for true love mutates in the maelstrom of addiction and leads to an extraordinary downward spiral, featuring faked and near deaths, sharing houses and needles, a six-month romance with ice, rock bottom and, just maybe, redemption.

Greg Fleet weaves the most mesmeric of memoirs. Part sweet poison, part guilty pleasure, from first gentle kiss to hate-fuelled wrecking ball. These things happen.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Australia, Biography Memoir

352 pages, Paperback

First published September 1, 2015

Reviews

[Gabe Segal · Rating 2 out of 5]

There seems to be a growing misconception that being a semi famous ex junky gives you the right to publish a book.

[Claire · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book made me feel. A lot. This book made me feel a lot of things. Most often, it made me feel like laughing. So I laughed. Less frequently it made me feel an uncontrollable urge to shake my head in horror. Never mind that I was in public, I shook my head in horror.

What I find most redeeming about Fleet's autobiography is that he never once tries to deflect or deny any responsibility for his actions. Addiction may be the cause of his awful behaviour but he doesn't use it as an excuse. Instead, addiction becomes a lens to see the world through. Having never been in a similar position, I know it cannot understand the compulsions that led him to do many of the things that had me shaking my head in horror. One scene that will probably never be exorcised from my memory involves a desperate Fleet and a wheelchair bound addict - you'll know it when you get to it.

I learned some new swears from this book (thanks Fleety) including fucklamp, fuck-hole and cock-ramp. The man responsible for the second and third phrases is described as "a creative linguist... a hetero Oscar Wilde with prison tatts." Fleet muses that "If I could just get him to not kill me, we could be great friends."

Fleet's love for and total humbleness at the love and support he has received in return from his long-suffering friends and family runs hotly through the book like a forest fire climbing a mountain. His total devotion for Sunday is soul-melting. Reading how he took advantage of people's kindness over and over is hard to bear. To know that his famous show 'Ten Years in a Long Sleeved Shirt' about finally being clean was performed totally strung out is saddening. It's easy to read and think 'oh he was crying out for help' but as he reiterates over and over -an addict will never get clean until it is their choice to do so. No amount of help was ever going to keep him off drugs so long as he wasn't ready to stop taking it. A prime example is when he received an implant to negate the effects of shooting heroin for six months - he and his partner went on a half year crystal meth binge instead.

Greg Fleet, you're a lucky fucking duck mate. This book is compelling and rewarding.

My sentiments echo those of Irvine Welsh who said about These Things Happen "You really have to read it."

[AnnaP · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked this - mainly because I like Greg Fleet after seeing him do a stand up routine on TV years ago. The routine was very funny but poignant as well. The book, which is mainly about his heroin addiction, and his efforts to put that addiction behind him, is not so funny. Rather, it is quite gruelling and has a slight confessional tone. That said, there are some funny stories and I bet I'm not the only one who is now walking around singing "pushed off, pushed off or stabbed off" to the I dream of Jeanie theme tune....

[Mark Glover · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is two things brutally honest and emotionally exhausting, while the early years of Fleet's decades long addiction have a certain sense of romance about them, even though he is brutally honest about the damage they wrought, much like Anthony Kiedis's Scar Tissue there comes a time towards the end of the book where the tales are largely just a repetition of terrible behaviour and betrayal of those who despite it all continue to believe in him. In part I believe this is done with intent and is an honest portrayal of addiction. It strips bare the colour of life until all you have left is existence. That Fleet manages to engage the reader to the end speaks of his skill not as an author but as a human being. In amongst all the reprehensible behaviour and fragile ego there is still a person who you want to see succeed. If this is what the reader feels one can only imagine what terrible trauma must of been inflicted on those who stuck by him through it all.
Fleet holds no punches in his description of the levels to which he sank during this time, a period encompassing the greater part of his life, and it makes you wonder what might have been had he not self-sabotaged so spectacularly every time. Fleet is it seems a comedian's comedian and this is perhaps a reflection on how talent can allow one to obscure the truth and outrun your demons for a seemingly inexhaustible amount of time. You wonder if others who were similarly talented like Kurt Cobain chose drugs for the self-same reasons. Unlike Cobain Fleet has the inate ability to justify his choices and live with them. This could come off as arrogance and there is certainly a sense of ego that he cops to in between the detail of his descent into his own personal hell. One may even argue that writing a book a mere 6 months sober is a double down on the arrogance that saw him perform a show about being an ex-addict while being in the grips of an even worse addiction. But the honesty with which Fleet details his doubt makes you really hope that this is the last time as he puts it at the start of the book.

What is missing for me I guess is the exploration of what took him to these places and what he found there that kept drawing him back time and again. The answer he holds up is pain and his early life is traumatic enough to hint at levels of trauma that will take a lifetime to face up to. Fleet explores and owns up to all of the damage he has wrought in the lives of others but oddly does not detail the damage it wrought on him. This book is not a plea for sympathy as much as it is taking ownership of what he has done and continued to do for most of his life. As an author or comedian he does not owe us a debt to explain the internal darkness, but one hopes that in some way he has made his peace with this too. For it is this that will provide a split in the path that he has worn for too long and onto a road, for him at least, less travelled.

[Tanya · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can’t recall exactly which shows i have seen Greg Fleet perform on but i have watched him either perform standup or appear in Australian Comedy shows over the years. His memoir came to my attention after reading the prettiest horse in the glue factory. I had no idea until then that Greg was/is a heroin addict and has been for 30 odd years.

His memoir is a car crash from which i could not look away. Greg has spent much of his life abusing all manner of drugs at times whilst simultaneously working in high paying comedy roles. The last few chapters do seem like fillers (as Greg admits). I hope he manages to finally release himself from the grip that drugs have had on him for the sake of his teenage daughter.

[Melinda · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very raw and honest memoir of an addicts life.. one that I’m sure was painfully confronting (to say the least) to put into words.

[Rueben · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5

[Andrew McMillen · Rating 3 out of 5]

All through Greg Fleet’s memoir, the title is repeated like a mantra. Narrowly avoid being stabbed and mugged in a dank Edinburgh alley while trying to score heroin, after being recognised as an actor from Neighbours? These things happen. Willingly engage in an enthusiastic, one-off homosexual encounter with a friend while both under the influence of ecstasy? These things happen. Yell so loud and for so long at hitting a baby in a snowboarding video game that a concerned neighbour knocks on the door in an attempt to help the poor child? These things happen.

The intended effect is no doubt comedic — Fleet, after all, is one of Australia’s best-known stand-up comics, in addition to his work as an actor on screen and stage — but this repetition also lends a curious sense of determinism to his memoir. While the bold and uncompromising honesty the author displays is admirable, the mantra does rob him of some agency, as if he had no choice in how, exactly, these things happened to him.

This is not a particularly strong book in its writing or structure. The strength is embedded in the details and comic beats of Fleet’s storytelling, which veers between dark and light shades so frequently and unexpectedly that one never quite acclimatises to his wonky narration. The chapters are short, and time travel between Fleet’s distant memories and his present-day writing of the book while dirt poor at a sharehouse in Adelaide, trying to quit smoking cigarettes while toiling to amass the requisite 80,000 words so he can collect his next payment from the publisher.

This meta-narrative offers respite from the decidedly sordid tales from Fleet’s past, which is entwined with long-term drug addiction. He writes near the beginning:

"For all the interesting things that I’d done in my life, the thing that I’d done the longest was to pursue an insane and rampant heroin addiction: twice a day, $100 a time, $200 a day, $1400 a week (long gone are Lou Reed’s days of ‘‘$26 in my hand’’). I did this for thirty years. That’s longer than many of my friends have been alive. And a couple of million dollars."

The author seeks no pity for his decisions, which first were made in St Kilda as a young actor training at the National Institute of Dramatic Art and followed him around the world. As is often the case with those who have wronged others in pursuit of their poison, writing it all down is cathartic; an integral part of the atonement process. Fleet certainly does not emerge from 'These Things Happen' covered in glory. If anything, the reader is likely to think less of him than before, especially near the end, when he admits to relapsing late last year and pawning several irreplaceable jewellery items owned by a friend who had entrusted him with house-sitting in her absence.

There’s nothing funny about this particular story, as Fleet readily admits. His behaviour in this instance was “criminal and disgusting”. This event is described in veiled terms at the book’s beginning and is outlined as the reason why he began writing this story. The author refers to it as “the hole”, which he has been dragging himself out of and then willingly jumping back into for more than half his life. By the end, he realises there are two options. There is the easy option of throwing himself back in yet again. “Do this enough times,” he writes, “and you come to know that you are the hole, and the hole is you.”

Or, instead, “man up and get real. Stop running.” Hence his decision to write 'These Things Happen', which is, above all, a lopsided recollection of the life of a funny man with a seemingly insatiable appetite for destruction. Humour is a constant companion on this journey: laugh-out-loud moments crop up on every second page, though some of the jokes are crafted so sharply that if the reader doesn’t laugh at his misadventures and misfortune, they may cry. Both responses, I suspect, would please the author, who is as much a performer on the page as on stage.

Writing is hard work. Yet committing to print your worst moments for all to see, judge and perhaps learn from has to be even harder than usual. Seen in that light, publishing this book is a courageous and potentially foolhardy step in Fleet’s long career. His capacity for deception and his frequent requests to borrow money from anyone within earshot is well-known among comics, and he’s painfully aware of how these behaviours reflect on him. For baring his soul so completely here, Fleet is to be commended, even if what he reveals is likely to repulse many readers. For him, the truism that honesty is the best policy at last holds true: after three decades of lies, his truth is at last exposed.

Review originally published in The Weekend Australian, October 10 2015: http://www.theaustralian.com.au/arts/...

[Caitlin · Rating 3 out of 5]

I kind of remember Greg Fleet from his days as a regular on "Full Frontal" and some of his stand-up - and I was quite surprised when I saw a recording of his show "13 Years in a Long Sleeved Shirt" when he seemed to be very candid about his (seemingly then past) hard drug habit.

I wasn't really sure about reading his memoir - I wanted to know what had finally got him the help he needed, and I felt reading it from a comedian's perspective it would be easier reading than some memoirs about this topic (although what made me want to chase it up was the "Chat 10 Looks 3" Leigh Sales and Annabel Crabb podcasts where they told the story of his father).

I'm glad I read this - it helped me to better understand the processes of drug addiction, recovery and re-addiction, and brought me some empathy to people I know who have found themselves in a similar situation (while reaffirming why distancing myself was the best protection at times).

However, from a writing perspective I do wish he'd maybe written it with someone (perhaps some intervening chapters from his ex-partner) - because sometimes with comedian memoirs I've read they are better suited to writing stand-up material than longer form writing, which sometimes came across in Fleet's writing, however its brutal honesty made it compelling. At times he had chapters I felt were filler (not really adding to the story but were just side jokes, such as why Paul Kelly's recipe for gravy doesn't work and what it's like trying to write a book chapter stoned.) The reader was constantly reminded how annoying and hard it was for Fleet to sit down and deliver the book to a deadline, which sometimes made me feel like I was imposing on someone who didn't really want to talk to me right now.

As it was, I read this in bits, because sometimes I just didn't have the energy to accommodate some parts - especially when it was about how ridiculously easy it was for him to coast through the entertainment industry (which not only funded but encouraged his addiction).

Naturally I felt frustrated by the circular narrative (which was more about his own life journey seeming to go in ever-decreasing self-sabotaging circles than the actual pacing of the memoir) but I felt I was reading the narrative of someone who does have gratitude and self-awareness, but without a lot of the wishy-washy Namaste man-bun stuff that is hard to read with a straight face.

[Reuben · Rating 5 out of 5]

These Things Happen reads as a collection of bite-sized vignettes from the life of Greg Fleet. Pulling thoughts, scenes and stories from early childhood right up until the moment of writing, Fleety tells a story of a life propelled by relationships, comedy, and, most especially, drugs.
As a first-hand account of a life of addiction, it's raw and honest. Some of the stories are unbelievable, some you just can't believe he's telling you. He shares the best and funniest times on drugs, just as candidly as he does the darkest and scariest. It's incredibly personal and confessional. I even began to feel some small part of the emotional turmoil that comes with knowing someone suffering addiction - the hope from each upward turn, and the disappointment with each relapse.
Although drugs feature in most of the stories, they're not the only thing he talks about. I'm always interested to read comedians describing their craft and how they started. And there are plenty of anecdotes from Fleet's long career as an actor and stand-up to keep me satisfied - Many featuring a few familiar names from the Australian comedy and drama fraternities. There's even a few of his trade-mark open letters (search Youtube for his 'letter to Mr. Arnotts' comedy clip).

Overall the book is optimistic. It's as much celebrational as it is confessional. It's frank, honest, dark and funny. And you should read it. Once you've started you won't be able to stop, but at least it's cheaper than heroin.

[Jesse Coulter · Rating 4 out of 5]

As one of Australia’s finest and longest-serving comedians, Greg Fleet delivers his autobiography in the way that I imagine seems most natural to him. It’s told as a comedian might tell a story on stage, or a particularly hilarious mate might tell one at the pub; it’s up and down, goes off on tangents, is relatively unstructured, and (of course) punctuated with humour. It totally worked for me- I found the short chapters (usually presented as a brief anecdote or reflection) punchy and fun, with moments of genuine weight and pathos for balance. You get the impression of a genuinely good human who is open about his (many) fuck-ups, which helps the book hugely- liking the storyteller makes liking the story a cinch.

[Amy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Self indulgent ramblings of a B grade Australian celebrity recently ex- heroin addict.
Greg Fleet has convinced himself that he is free of the drug habit... I doubt it.
Filled with anecdotes that at times have Fleety as the unlikely hero of outlandish drug fuelled escapades and other times have him as the butt of the jokes. By the end of the book I really didn't give a shit if he was free of the drug habit or not. I used to quite like him now I think he's a massive wanker. Heaps of namedropping of other celebrity mates. Lots of mentions of his huge income over the years. Really? Who gives a fuck? Wasn't even funny! Don't waste your money.

[Kim Miller · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wasted $11 buying this book and then a number of hours reading it ... These things happen.

To be fair the first half kept me reading (and I did laugh a few times) but from the 50% mark I just wanted it to be over. Whole chapters were a drug fuelled waste of download space - how the publisher let the stoned chapter through I'll never understand. Lost me completely by 75% ... I don't even care enough to skim through to see if he kicked the H habit.

Your editors let you down Fleety.

[Tilly Spro · Rating 3 out of 5]

Greg Fleet is a funny man and the book certainly has its funny moments. Mostly it was very raw and very honest. Sometimes it was abhorrent. I found the constant stories about Fleet’s drug induced behaviour tedious, particularly towards the end. I can’t imagine how tiring Fleety and co. found the whole prolonged addiction experience. I genuinely hope he manages to stay out of the hole.

[Linda Andonopoulos · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarious and absolutely petrifying at the same time.

[Philip Hunt · Rating 3 out of 5]

Here's a first. A book written as therapy. Aussie comedian and actor, Greg Fleet, is a heroin addict. He wrote this book in an apparently successful attempt to finally get clean. The book is roughly chronological, frequently laugh-out-loud funny, desperately raw, unflinchingly honest and littered (right word) with bad stories embellished with bad language. It's a treatise on drugs and the world of comedy, containing all you need to know about how to score, shoot up, lie with self-deluding impunity, and be a general all-around destroyer of anything good, wholesome and worthy in your life and relationships. That's not my judgement, that's how Fleet tells it. A litany of whip-assing that seems to go on rather too long, but Fleet wants us to understand that this has been his reality. I get it. I pray he remains vigilant.

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

Holy. Shit. I think those two words are the closest I can come to describing this book. Memoirs are very hit and miss for me. This one was a hit. A huge, giant, mess of a hit.

I laughed and I cried (sometimes simultaneously). I left the book feeling a million different things.

The thing that hit me the hardest was how relatable his drug addiction is. I think a lot of non-addicts don't really get it. They don't get how you can throw away your entire life - wife, child, friends - for a drug. But I think maybe if they read this book, they might.

(Spoiler alert) I really, really hope Greg Fleet has kicked his addiction to the curb for good.

[Ally Philp · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heartfelt and raw storytelling

I felt like I was having a conversation, albeit a one sided conversation (something I don't normally enjoy) however, I felt like I was truly being told Greg Fleet's story by the man himself. You might say, "well duh, he wrote it". But some autobiographies tend to feel very produced and polished. This harrowing story and often amusing side stories were told with a raw flair and refreshing honesty. Thank You for the insights into your years of hell, for not sugar coating it or blaming anyone or anything but your own choices, it was a compelling, heartfelt, terrifying, amusing yet hopeful tale. No easy feat.

[Gail · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not a big fan of Fleet’s writing. His constant repetition of ‘these things happen’ was so irritating I wanted to poke him in the eye with a stick.
As you might expect, Fleet’s autobiography does nothing to endear the reader to him. And, unfortunately, it is several meaningless, rambling chapters too long!

I’m not familiar with any of his acting roles, nor his comedy. And I suspect I would hate his comedy. I despise his childish stories regarding his sexuality…… don’t like this guy at all. The heroin addiction seems to be the least of his objectionable characteristics.

[Daniel Christensen · Rating 4 out of 5]

A brutal and honest discussion of addiction from an actor-comedian-writer.
He certainly doesn’t seem to be trying too hard to convince us what a good guy he is (quite the opposite). Some of the drug use, and the behaviour that went with it was deeply disturbing.
Some of the humour is outstanding.
My only criticisms:
1) Meanders a bit in the middle chapters.
2) Psychologically, I felt drained at the end.

[Lisa Bacon-hall · Rating 4 out of 5]

Long road back

Great book. So raw and real. Really gives an insight into the terrible hold a drug addiction can have. Hard to believe he used and survived for 30 years. A very detailed story and scary as I can now imagine the early days of using a drug like heroin must be awesome...but I never want to find out.
I hope he is still clean and I’m looking forward to reading his new book “The Good Son”.

[Ash · Rating 2 out of 5]

This would have been enjoyable enough as a comedy show but missed the mark for me as a memoir - mostly readable and funny at times, but meandering and lacking in substance, considering that, at least in theory, Fleet has a pretty interesting backstory.

[Avery · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have no idea who Greg Fleet is. This book was passed to me as a proof copy in a basement book shop I used to work at, riddled with errors, and excellent. Well worth a read and, I imagine if you know who Greg Fleet is, offers a great insight into what makes him, him.

[Madyson · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had heard so many good reports on this book but I was disappointed. The author rambles on a lot but it is funny some times

[Rainie Semmens · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book

[Elly · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was laughing out loud regularly. It’s a darkly hilarious read. Greg Fleet is funnier in writing than person.

[Jude Waldron · Rating 2 out of 5]

The first half was good, but then felt like he was working toward a word count.

[Don Baker · Rating 4 out of 5]

One of Australia's leading comedians, Greg Fleet is brutally honest as he tells his story of his life and death battle with heroin addiction.

[The Bookself · Rating 5 out of 5]

These things happen is a gripping story, chronicling the extraordinary trials and tribulations of comedy legend Greg Fleet. Whilst being adored by comedy fans for his stand up material, Fleety's personal life was not all fun and games. Infinitely talented, much of his life can be defined by the pursuit of an addiction.

For over 30 years Greg fought an uphill battle with heroin, leading him into some extremely dark places and shattering the lives of all those around him. His book looks directly at the darkness, embracing it, owning it and eventually offering redemption. While it is somber where it needs to be, his narrative voice comes across through both the despairing stories and the utterly hilarious ones.

From stories of his father faking his own death, to sharing used needles, to seeing donkeys on LSD and stealing to support an all consuming drug habit, These Things Happen is a poignant glimpse into the pain surrounding a life of addiction. I have heard people say that it should be in school libraries and after reading it, I would agree to this proposition wholeheartedly.

Although it goes into some fairly dark material regarding the things one would do for an addiction, it is ultimately a story of hope. A well written, inspiring book and one of my favourite reads this year.

10 out of 10 on the bookometre.

[Nicole Foster · Rating 4 out of 5]

Greg Fleet you took me on a roller coaster! One minute laughing next minute shocker & horrified. Thanks for sharing your journey.