Ask a Queer Chick: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life for Girls Who Dig Girls

by Lindsay King-Miller

Ask a Queer Chick is a guide to sex, love, and life for lesbian, gay, bi, and queer women. Based on the long-running and popular advice column for The Hairpin, but featuring entirely new content, Ask a Queer Chick cuts through all of the bizarre conditioning imparted by parents, romantic comedies, and The L Word to help queer readers and their straight/cis friends navigate this changing world. Offering advice on everything from coming out to getting your first gay haircut to walking down the aisle, Ask a Queer Chick is a positive, down-to-earth guide that will resonate with readers of Dan Savage and Cheryl Strayed’s Tiny Beautiful Things.

Genres: Nonfiction, Queer, LGBT, Self Help, Feminism, Sexuality, Relationships

256 pages, Paperback

First published February 2, 2016

About the author

Lindsay King-Miller won the Colorado Young Authors Award in the second grade with a story that was blatantly ripped off from Goosebumps. Her influences have not changed much, although she’s become more sophisticated about their incorporation.

Lindsay earned a BA in Creative Writing from the University of Arizona and an MFA in Writing & Poetics from Naropa University. She was the director of the Tucson Poetry Festival, founded the Tucson Poetry Slam, toured as a slam poet, taught composition and creative writing to middle school, high school, and college students, and wrote the popular advice column “Ask A Queer Chick.”

Her first book, Ask A Queer Chick: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life for Girls who Dig Girls, was published by Plume in 2016.

Her personal essays and culture writing have appeared in Bitch Magazine, Glamour Magazine, Vice.com, Cosmopolitan.com, The Guardian, and many other publications in print and online. More recently, her fiction has appeared in Fireside Fiction, Baffling Magazine, and numerous other lit mags and anthologies.

Her debut novel The Z Word is forthcoming from Quirk Books in 2024. Lindsay is represented by Kate McKean at Howard Morhaim Literary Agency. When she’s not writing, she’s thinking about what she wishes she were writing. She lives in Denver, Colorado with her partner and their two children.

Reviews

[Becky · Rating 4 out of 5]

Disclaimer: I received an advance copy of this book free for review from NetGalley.

I've been putting off reviewing this book for five days now, which is pretty unlike my usual habits. I try to review everything as soon as I finish (unless it's like 2am and I have to get to sleep because I have work in the morning and need to actually use my brain for something other than filling the vacuum of my skull cavity), and it really bugs me to have unreviewed books staring at me every day from my Goodreads homepage.

But... I am a little daunted by this review. I have so much that I want to say and quote and point out... and I know that no matter how hard I try, all of that greatness is just not going to appear as part of this review. The longer I put it off, the less I'll be able to put into words all of the things that I want to say, and it might already be too late. Oh well, c'est la vie, right?

I just happened to be browsing NetGalley one day and this bright yellow cover caught my eye, as I'm sure, it was designed to do. Then the title hooked me, and I was instantly curious as to what this book might contain. I've never heard of The Hairpin, the site that contains the Ask A Queer Chick column. I had no idea what to expect, other than the obvious LGBTQ content. Would this be a lesbian manifesto? Or would it be a hilarious collection of questions and answers that, while funny, are relatable and insightful and meaningful? Would this just be another one of those blog-to-book conversions that just takes a bunch of the content of an existing successful project and re-publishes it in book form? Turns out, it was all of those things and more.

So… No, this is not just a book that consisted of "Export blog/Publish book". King-Miller mentions in the introduction that she decided to go for more of a narrative form than a question and answer form, which, I admit that I was a teensy bit disappointed by initially, because I thought that it might preclude possibility number two from existing, there being no questions to answer, after all. But it turned out to be the best of both worlds, the advice and answers to questions that could be asked, rather than just cherry picking interesting questions and answering them specifically. I feel like there was a lot more ground covered and information provided this way.

There was much of that relatable, insightful, and meaningful content, and quite a lot of humor as well. I really enjoyed it and found it entertaining as well as informative. There was a delightful tongue-in-cheek tone to the writing that had me giggling unexpectedly. I really enjoyed that.

However, some of the "humor" came about in the form of crudeness and vulgarity. I realize that the previous sentence makes me sound like I should put down the Prude Juice, but I promise you that I don't have a problem with it for the language or crassness itself (on the contrary, I'm the target audience), but rather for the image that it presents of the work, the writer, and the culture. Being a lesbian doesn't automatically mean that one is vulgar and crass, does it?

I believe that the author tried, and succeeded, at aiming this book towards the hip and cool people of her generation. The problem is that that's not the only type of person who might read or find this book useful, and the language and tone may turn away people who might truly benefit from it.

Part of what this book is about is inclusiveness and acceptance, yet I think that the casual crassness could alienate some readers. And that's the crux of my language and tone complaint with this book. I would expect this book to be a professional piece of writing, and for the most part it is - except when it isn't. It doesn't bother ME, but I can see some, perhaps older women who are figuring themselves out later in life, who have lived for decades in a heteronormative society, who are more traditional-minded, etc, reading this book for help and guidance through their questions - and feeling that this book really isn't for them after all. And that makes me somewhat sad.

Now I understand that the whole "accept me for who I am and who I present myself to be" argument is valid. But that's an idealistic, perfect world situation that doesn't exist right now (or ever) - and honestly I don't think that one's sexual preference or gender identity has anything to do with how professionally they present themselves in their work. And that's why I think that a book like this, one that's hoping to cross boundary and party lines, provide advice and guidance and support for everyone who may need or want it, should try to be as neutral as possible to include anyone who may potentially find it.

I only criticize for this because I think that this was a very informative, very interesting, and I think helpful book, and could benefit a lot of people who might be curious or struggling with how to deal with their sexuality or gender representation. I learned quite a lot myself, even though I'm not struggling with either of those things. This is a book that I think many, many people should read, regardless of their identification, and I want it to not offend them away by poor language choices.

Speaking of word choices, I did think that it was a bit strange that "elide" was used twice in place of the more common "omit" or "remove". Just seemed like a strange choice to me when so much of the book was straightforward, common language, and yet here's this uncommon word that just felt out of place.

Finally, and I know that this is perhaps not fair to bring up, but I am sorely disappointed in the version of the book that I got from NetGalley for review. At the end of the book, there's a whole slew of resources provided. The websites are OK, but the phone numbers are a horrible mess.

Examples:
"GLBT National Hotline Hotline Hotline Hotline 4564): peer counseling, information, and local resources"
"GLBT Youth TalkLine alkLine alkLine alkLine 7743): youthspecific [sic] (under twenty-five) peer counseling, information, and local resources"

There are six of those that are just like that. I really don't understand how that happens. It really seems like the number was formatted out or copied over or something. The little conspiracy theorist on my shoulder is whispering that it's to sell the book for the complete resource list, but that doesn't make much sense since anyone getting a NetGalley freebie would have access to the internet and could easily Google these resources for free.

OK, and just because I'm on a roll with the criticisms, there's no treasure map in The Lord of the Rings. There is one in The Hobbit, but only if one considers a regular map showing the way back to one's dragon-infested mountain home, and the way to get inside where there happens to be treasure, to be a "treasure map". (I don't… I think of pirates and The Goonies when I think of "treasure maps". But maybe that's just me.)

And since that now seems like a SUPER random comment, I'll provide the text that I'm referring to (bear in mind, that this is obviously an uncorrected edition, and this may have changed in the final copy):

"Some people will try to convince you that you have only one true identity, and that your job is to find it, possibly by acquiring and following some sort of Lord of the Rings-style treasure map."

You may now begin yelling "Nerd!" in my general direction.

And just ONE more, because this one really could have used some elaboration for me, but why is Google Chat and texting taboo as methods of coming out, when Facebook or Twitter status updates are A-OK? I just don't understand. I need more info than just "Girl. Don't."

OK, Now I'm really done with the negatives (I think). I really found everything else about this book to be pretty great. I think quite a lot of it, from the 'figure out who you are' and 'figure out what you want' bits to the 'don't settle for crap' and 'you're not alone' bits can all apply to everyone. But the segments that really do apply only to the LGBTQ community were great as well. Informative for me, at least, in how to relate to people in the way that makes them the most comfortable, and to see things from different perspectives than the one that exists inside my own head. It even validated some things for me that, I admit, I thought were just attention-seeking behaviors on Facebook. That's ignorant of me, and I'm glad that I read this because I've now had my eyes opened to a whole spectrum of possibilities. That alone is well worth the read.

So... all in all, I think that this is a book that everyone should read, even if you feel that you are open and accepting and forward-thinking. I thought that I was, but even I learned some new things from this book.

[7jane · Rating 4 out of 5]

'Ask A Queer Chick' is originally the column the author has written since 2011 (she contributes also to other publications).

The book is for women attracted to women (trans women included), starting on the LGTBQ scene - with a chapters also for those who want to support them. The chapters: on coming out, guide to the subculture, on dating, sex (brief and not particularly detailed but sufficient starter), breakups, bisexual girls (and their particular troubles etc.), the chapter for straight supporters, on dealing with hate, on marriage.... and at the end there are some online/phone resources.

The book is somewhat US-centric in places, but non-US people will still benefit from reading it. The author writes positively, you can tell she's done the column above yet it doesn't feel like just some short bites of the story. She doesn't write from just one queer POV, which is refreshing. I like how she doesn't expect you to fit into certain molds, but make your queer indentity look like you (including when dating or in one's sex life). This makes a very good starter's book, whatever the age you are :)

[Lexxi Kitty · Rating 4 out of 5]

*I received this book from NetGalley in return for a fair review.*

My first book by this author. This is not my first LGBT nonfiction that I’ve read, but it is the first that I’ve read that is about current events. Well, no, I read that book about . . . okay, let me rephrase. This is the first LGBT nonfiction book about that appears to have been written from the millennial generation perspective.

I’m not actually sure if the book is from that perspective, especially since the author information is empty on GoodReads, but it certainly appeared to be from a millennial generation perspective.

Right so: a) No, I’ve never read the online version of ‘Ask a Queer Chick’ advice column; b) I’ve forgotten what b is; c) b might have been: this is a nonfiction book, I do not have a ‘set’ way to review nonfiction books, nor have a method to rate nonfiction books. I shall now stumble through some thoughts and hopefully they will be helpful to others.

There are certain reoccurring formatting errors that pop up in this book. I assume that this is because I’m reading an uncorrected proof, or an ARC, or whatever words work here, and therefore do not, in any way, add or subtract ‘points’ because of those errors. Many of which involve words running together. As in I’meatingsomecheesenow. I do not hold the author or book accountable for these specific issues.

This book is a nonfiction work written by the advice columnist at The Hairpin who writes a column, as you might suspect, called ‘Ask a Queer Chick’. The column is for, well anyone I suppose, who has questions regarding the queer women (which, and this is stressed, includes those women who are, in one shape or form, transgender (which is how discussions about penis-in-vagina got into the book, I assume); it is stressed, also, though that the author of the book is not an expert on transgender issues). The author herself is, and she has called herself several things over the years, a bisexual queer married woman. I suppose it may be of importance, since I noted the bisexual part, to note that she is married to a woman.

The book, like the column, is basically for anyone. Specifically designed for bi/queer/lesbian women, but there’s a chapter for ‘friends of/adjacent/family/etc’ who wish to learn more about what they should know.

The book is not set up in a question and answer format, but in a more narrative form – written based on questions the author had received (and, presumably, answered), plus conversations she has had with transgender people.

The book is quite informative. While it might drag near the end, and be oddly fixated on certain issues, it still was quite informative and actually quite fun to read.

The book opens with, well, let me just follow the table of contents and include some of my own words under the headings:
Introduction: How Do You Know You’re a Queer Chick?
- This book is for everyone. Though specifically geared for those who are girls who like girls. Girls includes those who might have been born in a body designated differently than they, the person inhabiting the body, believe it should have been designated. As long as they like girls. Trans-issues, though, are not a subject the author is an authority on.

Chapter 1: Coming Out
- An interesting examination of when to come out, how to come out, various methods (one-on-one; social media; hand written letters; etc.); and how bisexual women will routinely have to keep coming out over and over again, to the same people.

Chapter 2: Of Mullets and Motorcycles: Your Guide to the Subculture
- While getting a ‘lesbian’ haircut is something like a rite of passage (and getting the shortest haircut you can force yourself to get at least once in your life), get the hair that ‘works’ for you instead of stressing about whether or not ‘your hair’ is ‘queer enough’.

Chapter 3: Don’t Stare at Her Rack Too Much, and Other Advice on Dating
- Be aware that people are people. They are individuals. If you see someone who looks like they have modeled themselves on the most stereotypical representation of butch women that does not mean that they themselves are stereotypes. Maybe the woman you are looking at, regardless of how they look, likes to cook, doesn’t like to cook, likes to work on car engines, likes to ride Harleys, likes . . . etc. People are people. Don’t assume.

Chapter 4: But What Can Two Girls Do?: Your Guide to Queer Sex.
- Lots and lots of stuff. Including fisting. There’s a graphic description of how to fist another woman included in this book, free of charge.
- Most importantly, though, don’t ‘assume’ that what you see in porn is what two ‘real’ queer women do with each other, nor assume that just because something like scissoring can start fist-fights in bars, that there aren’t, in fact, some real queer women who just love to engage in scissoring.
- Do what you like. Communication is super important.

Chapter 5: A Queer Chick’s Guide to Heartbreak
- Hmms. What do I recall? Everyone will have their heart broken at some point in their lives, don’t hide yourself away fearing this issue.

Chapter 6: Bi Any Means Necessary: Notes on Non-Monosexuality
- Bisexuality (or whichever word you choose, pansexual, etc.) is real. It is not a privilege (i.e., there’s a believe that bisexual people have the privilege, the bisexual privilege, of being able to ‘chose’ to be with a person of the opposite gender and therefore ‘pretend’ to be ‘normal’. This is not actually a privilege, and is in fact something of a burden. Bisexuality is real. Just because that, sometimes, might result in a man and a woman dating, does not mean that the person who is bisexual is not still queer/a member/part of LGBTIA. That’s what the B in LGBTIA stands for. Bisexual.

Chapter 7: I’m Not Gay, but My Sister Is: Advice for Straight People
- Here are some terms to use, mostly in general. If the person who you are speaking with has told you the terms they like to be referred to as, then use those terms with them. If you over hear them using terms which are and/or can be slurs or the like, don’t use them yourself.
- If you suspect someone is queer, do not confront them. Let them tell you when they wish to tell you.
- If you see/over hear someone making slurs, or the like, being bigoted, stand up for queer people. Don’t let them get away with it. If it is someone you cannot ‘cut from your life’ then just let them know that what they are saying isn’t ‘okay’ with you, and redirect conversation elsewhere.
- The A in LGBTIA does not stand for Ally. Despite the previous point, it isn’t your fight. You can help, but you are in no position to say/argue/demand that someone that actually is LGBTIA follow what you have learned. A, by the way, stands for asexual (it also stands for other things, but in this specific instance, the author says it stands for Asexual, not ally).
- Oh, and, the LGBTIA person is not obligated to teach you stuff. Do your own research.

Chapter 8: Haters Gonna Hate: Dealing with Discrimination
- Regardless of what you might wish, or how the world currently is ‘evolving’ (not a word actually used in the book, I don’t think), some people are just incapable of ‘accepting’. They are going to hate. You, the LGBTIA person, are not obligated to teach them.

Chapter 9: If You Liked It, Then You Should Have Put a Ring on It: Marriage
- Marriage is very important. There are, if I recall the number right . . I can’t, okay, there’s some organization that said that there are something like 116 legal benefits for two people getting married.
- Despite the win in the Supreme Court, there are still states wherein two queer people cannot currently marry, legally. Though, because of the Supreme Court, their marriage elsewhere has to be respected.
- Marriage equality is/was/and will be important, but it’s not the only thing out there that needs to be addressed. Nor is it really that important, it’s importance is kind of minor, compared to other issues. (This is one of the times, of several, wherein the author kind of got fixated on certain things. One moment marriage is super important, the next it is/was of minor importance; now it’s back to being super important; yo-yo; main point, though, was that there are more issues out there that need to be addressed, like the statistically large number of health, education, and other issues that queer people face).

Chapter 10: It’s Not Good Enough Until It’s Amazing
- Don’t settle

This is an interesting and informative book. There were certain points where I felt like the millennial point of view is more important than my own (see: terms to be used and comments made on how older people need to inform themselves about what words now mean inside the community). But those were just passing thoughts.

I’d recommend the book to others, inside and outside the LGBTIA community, especially if they happen to be a queer woman and/or know one; and or wish to date one.

I’ll end with my favorite quote from the book:
'The first rule of Bi Club is that you can talk about Bi Club all you want, because most people won't believe it's real anyway.'

January 26 2016

[Katie Harder-schauer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received a copy of this book through Penguin's First to Read program in exchange for an honest review.

This book isn't really for me because I'm fairly certain I'm a "normal" straight chick. That being said, a lot of the advice in this book is something that I think all women could benefit from, and there's a fair amount of advice that straight men could certainly benefit from concerning how to treat women. Honestly, enough of the advice would be beneficial for anyone with a romantic partner of any gender or orientation that I think everybody could benefit from reading this book in some way.

There were areas of this book that made me feel a little uncomfortable. Ms. King-Miller uses a lot of humor and cracks a lot of jokes while giving her advice, and I'm not sure if I'm allowed to find it funny or if laughing at her queer-centered jokes is an unacceptable micro aggression on my part. That uncertainty makes me feel uncomfortable. Maybe her next book can focus on advice for us straight folks interacting with the LGBTQ+ community. While Chapter 7 sort of did that, it really left me with more questions than answers.

After reading this book, I do feel like I am at least a little better informed about the female portion of the LGBTQ+ community and it was fun to read because of Ms. King-Miller's humor and frequent compliments.

Overall I give this book 5 out of 5 stars because it seems quite informative and was fun to read. I would recommend it to basically everyone if only to increase understanding of others that may be different from yourself.

Reviewed on Just Another Girl and Her Books blog
http://www.justanothergirlandherbooks...

[Rachel Wexelbaum · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is a huge disappointment. King-Miller is a lesbian advice columnist, and should have published the real questions that she had received, along with her responses, instead of writing this one size fits all book. There is very little here that would be useful to anyone in the 21st century, and this author still promotes the lesbian haircut to "advertise". If we still lived in the 1950s this book might be great.

[Faith Simon · Rating 3 out of 5]

I loved reading this!! I learned a lot, have loads to take into consideration in my daily laugh, gained perspective and now have a need to read anything else this author writes. A wonderfully quirky and personified narration present throughout this book makes for an enjoyable reading experience throughout. She certainly had lots of advice to give, I feel like every question I’ve ever had I’ve now received an answer for.

[Jim · Rating 5 out of 5]

Okay, okay. I know what you're thinking. You're obviously not a queer chick, so why did you read this?

Well, not that I have to explain myself, but because: (1) a friend on Goodreads said it was really good (thanks Lexxi Kitty!), (2) I was wanting to read an LGBT-positive non-fiction book from NetGalley for a change, and (3) because there's actually a chapter for straight allies, which I do consider myself. If those aren't enough reasons, then I don't know what to say.

Lindsay King-Miller is an excellent writer - and she's hilarious.

She starts out where you'd expect. Advice on coming out.

I've seen this happen:

"You may have to cut ties with people who are important to you if they won’t respect your life, your relationships, or your identity."

And this makes me mad:

"Finally, if you think coming out may put you in physical danger (violence, being kicked out of your home, etc.), do everything you can to have an exit strategy in place before disclosing. This should include a place to stay, a way of getting there, and a plan for how you’ll support yourself, at least for the short term. If anyone makes you feel threatened, call 911 and/or activate your exit strategy immediately—don’t wait around to see if things get worse."

Not at the author, obviously. But the fact that she has to include this in there (because it really is necessary) is just a horrifying part of our culture.

But a lot of her advice is just general good wisdom that anyone can use. The following is about coming out, but who couldn't use this great advice?

"When you’re stuck and can’t see a way out, every problem is crushing and demoralizing. It’s easy to feel like the problem is you, like there’s something fundamentally wrong with the person you are. There isn’t—you’re a wonderful human being in shitty circumstances, and you will find a solution, as long as you keep setting goals and working toward them. It’s okay if it’s slow, it’s okay if it’s hard, it’s okay if you have unexpected setbacks."

This is some great advice!

But don't get me wrong - a lot of this is very specific to the “L” in LGBTQ.

I think this book is great even for non-lesbians who (1) are dating and (2) want to be more understanding of those in your life who are (lesbians).

Like the red flags - those are red flags for any relationship.

But mostly I'm glad I read it because Lindsay is funny as hell.

The chapter on bisexuality has some excellent information to clue us on on issues that are particular to those that call themselves bisexual. This is good learning for both straight allies and non-bisexual LGBT folks.

And she gives some good solid relationship advice about being ready for marriage, living together, heartbreak, what to do when your family rejects you… Of course, it all tends to be very specific to relationships between two women, but there’s a lot of overlap with other relationships.

I'm not sure what her background in relationships is (well, besides having them), but she has obviously done some good research and comes out with some good solid relationship advice.

And her advice for being a good ally? Just don’t be a dick. There’s more than that, but that’s how she sums it up and I love it.

She talks about the 2-year process of getting married to her partner. While I obviously support same sex marriage, this was good to remember why it's important. Not just because of the legal rights it gives. But because it gives certain people a simple right that the rest of us take for granted.

And she has some great stuff to say about bullying.

But what I love most about this book is that it is filled with such hope. Whether you're living a non-traditional life:

"No two happy families are exactly the same, but that doesn’t mean any of them are happier than the others. Be as creative as you want to be. As long as your family is built on bonds of love, respect, and support, it can look like just about anything."

Or have big dreams:

"…you should never give up on searching for something so spectacular that it brings glitter and joy into every otherwise dull facet of your life. If you haven’t found it or can’t even imagine yet what it might be, that’s okay. It’s out there. It’s going to rock your world."

This book is all about keeping at it and making it better.

And about your life:

"It’s not good enough until it’s amazing."

I know that maybe the people that this was written to may need to hear this more because the world treats them like they should believe it less, and I don't want to take this away from that audience. But it really is good stuff for anyone who has relationships.

Highly, highly recommended.

Thanks to NetGalley and PENGUIN GROUP Blue Rider Press for a copy in return for an honest review.

[Anna (Bananas) · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’m not a good reviewer for self help books. I think they mostly include a bunch of crap you should already know. If you can’t figure it out on your own, are you really going to listen to some random author? However, this one is targeted at women who love women and the specificity encouraged me to give it a try. While some chapters did include helpful tips, in general the book was much too ....general. Most of what she outlined was common sense if you have any self esteem and life experience. What might have been interesting instead is more specific questions she’s gotten over the years and her responses. People can glean what they need from that without it being handed to them so directly.

[Kacey · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book made my heart smile and reminded me why representation is so important. I especially loved that the author is a bi lady and spent time speaking to bi erasure!

[Mollie · Rating 5 out of 5]

What are you reading? "a dating book". That awkward moment when you know you can't come out to some people. Some people can be friends, or family, or acquaintances. Regardless of your sexual identity, empower yourself to read this book.

Chapters titled "Coming Out", "Of Mullets and Motorcycles: Your Guide to the Subculture", "I'm not Gay, but My Sister Is: Advice for Straight People", and "Bi Any Means Necessary: Notes on Non-Monosexuality" will guide you to appropriate chapters, if you choose to read them out of order, which I did.

Sure, my purpose to reading this book was to help me pick up chicks, in addition to helping me to come out, I found that I was laughing out loud, while simultaneously developing a crush on a married woman! (JK, maybe)

[Liv · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was....meh. Maybe because I got it thinking it was going to go into more of the subculture, or answer the questions that I had. However, it did have its humor, so that was a good point. The format was more of an "Ask ___" with responses and it didn't flow like a regular book would.

I would, however, recommend it for anyone to read so that they could have a little fun as well as learning more about a particular group of women (not to generalize, but).

[hannah · Rating 3 out of 5]

disagreed w a few minor things, and this format of nonfiction just isn’t my favorite type of book in general. however, i liked the author’s voice and she approached everything with compassion, which is very important and very good. and she gives good advice.

[g00b3rguts · Rating 4 out of 5]

exceptional, a literal handbook for relationships of all kinds, and most importantly, empowering to the reader. Favorite thing I encourage others to take away from this compendium -"don't settle for Mr.Okay, stop waiting for Mr.Right, and go look for Mr.Perfect"- { absolute gem :-) } and full of honesty. I recommend this book to all (queer, straight, allies, even not-yet-allies)

これ をお たのしみ ください

[Robin Lynn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ask a Queer Chick! Ask a Queer Chick is a natural extension of Lindsay King-Miller's popular "Ask a Queer Chick" advice column at The Hairpin. This column has been invaluable in the coming out and dating world for emerging queer girls all over. 
 
This book is fantastic. I've been reading Ms. King-Miller's column for a few years now, and her advice is always heartfelt, and delivered with a nice dose of irreverent humour. With chapters containing guidance on things from Coming Out, to Don't Stare at Her Rack Too Much, a Queer Chick's Guide to Heartbreak, and Advice for Straight People, this book is a great jumping point for fledgling queer ladies.
 
Yes, some of the suggestions could be used in any relationship, it is very much geared to relationships with two ladies. It is from the point of experience, almost a "I went through this and it sucked, try this tactic and maybe it won't suck as badly for you", which is always welcomed in this queer chick's life.
 
One of my favourite quotes from the book is "Love is a weird & inexplicable combination of hormones and luck and maybe some witchcraft or something, and every one of us if just stumbling around hoping to get lucky." This so resonates with me, that love is this awesome ephemeral thing that we're all looking for, and hoping to grab.
 
I really love this book. It's not for everyone, and I'll grant that. Not every girl is into other girls, and if that's not your bag, don't read it. But if you're freshly out, or on the verge of coming out, or you've been out for years and are looking for some help in getting your girl groove back on, this is a great reference manual. Note, it's not a "How To" manual, it's more like having a queer big sister taking you under her wing. And that, for me, is the best kind of advice to get.
 
I'll certainly be buying copies of this for several of my queer girlfriends, I think it's something every queer girl needs in her toolbox. Along with some Indigo Girls albums, Sleater-Kinney shirts, and softball equipment. (Just kidding, unless you like Indigo Girls, Sleater-Kinney, and softball, then knock yourself out.)
 
 
 

[Cynthia Corral · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was given an early digital edition by FirstToRead, but was not able to finish it before it expired.
However what I did read was entertaining and likely informative to young people or even more adult women who are just realizing the direction their hearts point. It reminded me of a very old (1960s) book I was given by my doctor when I hit puberty, something like "On Becoming a Woman", but Ask a Queer Chick is more light-hearted, 50 years more current, and of course directed toward lesbians. There is a lot of advice on just being yourself, not worrying about what anyone else believes a lesbian should be like, coming out and dealing with reactions, and going out and meeting people.
I hope I can get my hands on another copy soon so I can finish the book, but I feel confident in giving this 4 stars for now. Would likely make an excellent book for any young person who realizes she's a girl who digs girls, but adult lesbians without a big lesbian circle will also likely want to take a look at it.

[Mickey Ran · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'll be recommending this book to anyone and EVERYONE, regardless of their sexual or gender identities - no matter what part of the spectrum you identify with, you will find wisdom, humor, and straightforward good advice throughout this entire book! The author's strong and hilarious voice holds true on every page, with compassion and understanding. No matter what part of what spectrum you identify with, we've all got questions about how to live more honestly and authentically with our loves, our families, and ourselves... and this book explores all of the questions you have PLUS ones that you or your friends are too shy to ask out loud. (It will also convince you to get that haircut you've secretly always wanted, and reassure you that you will look awesome!)

[Ann · Rating 3 out of 5]

Received through Penguin's First to Read program. From this straight chick's POV, Lindsay King-Miller has succeeded in writing an informative book. It's a window into a world I'd like to know better so that I can better understand what my queer chick friends go through -- how to be an ally. Thus I especially appreciate the advice the author gives in chapter 7 -- clarifying proper terminology and suggesting how "not to be a dick." Seriously, it made sense. I enjoyed the author's sense of humor and found her voice fun without sacrificing depth.

[Dot Miller · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was fantastic. Whether you are a Queer Chick, are related to, work with, know someone that is or simply want to understand better, a Queer Chick.... this is a MUST READ! This book covers it all... how to come out of the closet, if you haven't already, to dating and living together, all the way to the families and supporting those that have come out of the closet. I would recommend it to everyone.

[Cat · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book could be for someone, but was certainly not for me. I bought it on sale during pride month as a pride themed read that would be quick and easy. Only it was such a drag to me that it took nearly 2 months for me to complete. I could see it as a helpful guide to some chick out there, but most of it is basic stuff. I dont know what else, just not for me at all.

[Chelsea · Rating 5 out of 5]

i love the gays

[Erin]

This is a pretty basic intro to queer culture and would best serve teenagers and other women who are questioning but haven't come out yet and allies who have had very little exposure to gay stuff.

[Cindy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I would recommend this for people who are just now coming out, which I am not. It was pretty basic advice.

[Franciekat · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some parts of this book are very touching and wise, kind of like queer manners. However, it's primarily for younger women who identify with woke ideology.

[AJ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic and inclusive and very intelligent in a relatable way. Loved it!

[Karen Hewitt · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Ask a Queer Chick: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life for Girls Who Dig Girls" by Lindsay King-Miller is a candid and informative book that offers valuable insights and advice for queer women navigating various aspects of their lives. While it provides a wealth of knowledge and relatable anecdotes, there are a few areas where further exploration or different perspectives could have enhanced the book's overall impact, warranting a four-star rating.

One of the book's standout qualities is its emphasis on inclusivity and diversity within the queer community. King-Miller covers a wide range of topics, including relationships, sex, coming out, self-acceptance, and more. She addresses common concerns and experiences shared by many queer women while acknowledging the unique intersections of race, gender identity, and socioeconomic factors.

The author's conversational and engaging writing style creates an accessible and relatable reading experience. Her personal anecdotes and humorous approach make the book feel like a genuine conversation with a knowledgeable friend. King-Miller's warmth and empathy shine through, offering comfort and support to readers who may be grappling with similar issues.

Moreover, "Ask a Queer Chick" tackles important and often overlooked subjects, such as consent, mental health, and building healthy relationships. The book encourages self-reflection and provides practical advice for navigating challenging situations. It empowers readers to embrace their authentic selves and navigate the complexities of identity with confidence and compassion.

However, some readers may find that certain topics are covered in a relatively brief manner, leaving room for more in-depth exploration. Additionally, the book primarily focuses on the experiences of cisgender queer women, which may limit its relevance to readers with different gender identities or expressions. Including a broader range of perspectives and experiences would have further enriched the book's inclusivity.

Despite these minor limitations, "Ask a Queer Chick" remains a valuable resource for queer women seeking guidance, reassurance, and a sense of community. Lindsay King-Miller's genuine and heartfelt approach, combined with her extensive knowledge, makes this book an excellent starting point for exploring and understanding the unique challenges and joys of queer womanhood. It is a commendable resource that fosters self-acceptance, encourages open dialogue, and promotes love and understanding within the queer community.

[Ayla · Rating 3 out of 5]

"it's not good enough until it's amazing" - what a PHENOMENAL way to end the book! I really enjoyed some parts of the book, dismantling the patriarchy, finding and making solid community, Miller's take on marriage, and unpacking biphobia in a plethora of ways. The book was very great for baby queers who are very new to the queer scene in terms of identity and getting support, so I appreciate that there was a way the book encapsulated all people in queerness whether they were 18 and freshly out, 14 and questioning, 60 and realized. However, I do feel like this book fell flat in some ways; there's a lack of understanding of intersectionality (minus Miller just being like "go trans WOC!", "POC queers paved the way!") and it feels like the advice goes general or blanket statements. There was also a weird part when it comes to coming out and the validity of it for your partner, like the "advice" to not date someone while you're not out. This is people's lives at stake! So that was weird. I would've rated this 2.5 but rounded up because I liked her humor, silly-ness, and balance of seriousness.

[Molly Roach · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ask a Queer Chick: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life for Girls Who Dig Girls by Lindsay King-Miller

I’m not usually one for self help books, I’ve never found the one that’s right for me. I don’t think I found it in this book either but I still had a good time reading it. King-Miller is FUNNY and that shines through a lot which was nice. A lot of the info in here is good info, and I would recommend this book to folks who are questioning their sexuality and/or very recently out as queer. I appreciated that King-Miller made it a point to include trans and non-binary folks in her advice which sometimes is lacking in books such as this one. I also liked the time devoted to non-monosexual identities.
Some cons for me were how many times AfterEllen was cited as a good place for queer women when it’s transphobic as fuck and just gross - maybe update that in the next edition. Also, it tends to be a bit too ‘mainstream gay’ for my tastes, but that’s just a me thing probably.
Anyways, this was a fine read, just a bit basic for me.
3.5/5⭐️

[Razo De Luna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Holy smokes, I wish I had this book when I was a teenager. In fact I will be giving my teenage sister a copy of this book to help her with her own queer journey.
A few things to keep in mind, this book was published in 2015, so things are a little dated on in the sense that there are some terms were don't use anymore and we've just learned so much more since 2015. It's a good basis for any baby gays who are interested in or have questions about what it means to be a lesbian.
This book is written by a queer person for queer people and I think she should write a sequel with everything we've learned! Super quick read, I read it over two days because I was notating my copy.

[Martha Macabare · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love love love this book! Excellent read!

A huge thanks to Ingrid Nilsen for recommending this book on her YouTube channel! And most especially a huge thanks to Lindsay for putting this wonderful book for all to learn from. I esp appreciate the bisexual chapter. It was so relieving to read through chapters and feel like I'm not alone and that my thoughts aren't completely weird. I learned so much from this read from how to be better at teaching those close to me on how to become effective allies to looking at my present situation from other perspectives and points of view.

[DNS · Rating 4 out of 5]

Incredibly reassuring.

"You should come out when the problems caused by staying in the closet are bigger than the problems that would be caused by coming out."

"there’s no shame in waiting to come out to them until you’ve saved up some money and are prepared to move out and support yourself."

"When you’re in a dark place and you’re not sure you’re going to make it, your job is to survive, whatever it takes. But once you’ve emerged and the light is shining again, your job is to keep others safe to the best of your abilities."