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Action: A Book About Sex

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With whip-smart prose, reminiscent of Roxane Gay and Meghan Daum, Action interweaves Spiegel's own sexual autobiography with loving advice on one-night stands, relationships, and everything in between.

With whip-smart prose, reminiscent of Roxane Gay and Meghan Daum, Action interweaves Spiegel's own sexual autobiography with loving advice on one-night stands, relationships, and everything in between. Action is a book about sex that people won't feel embarrassed about owning. There are absolutely zero provocatively shaped fruit on the cover, for one. In Action, Amy Rose Spiegel exhorts you to trust yourself and be respectful of others--and to have the best possible time doing the things you search for on the Internet, except in reality. The book covers consent, safety, group sex, gender, and the best breakfast to make for a one-night stand. Spiegel also includes dissections of threesomes, how to pick people up without being a skeezer, celibacy as a display of autonomy, and, of course, how to clean your room in 10 minutes if a devastatingly lovely side-piece is about to stop by. All told, Action totally doesn't think it's weird that you want to try that thing together. In fact, Action is very into it.

240 pages, Paperback

First published May 17, 2016

29 people are currently reading
955 people want to read

About the author

Amy Rose Spiegel

3 books42 followers
Amy Rose Spiegel is an editor and freelance writ(h)er. Her work has appeared in Rolling Stone, The Guardian, NME, BuzzFeed, Dazed & Confused, The FADER, and many other publications. She came up in New Jersey and currently lives in Brooklyn, New York.

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5 stars
58 (20%)
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91 (32%)
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91 (32%)
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27 (9%)
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11 (3%)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 39 reviews
Profile Image for Bibliovoracious.
339 reviews32 followers
February 11, 2019
3.5 I don't think this is a book about sex so much as a book about the freedom of having sex. How it might feel to have lots of it, with lots of people, to lose gender delimitations, ditch shame, to be sexual actively, profligately, unapologetically.

Get lots of action; love, fuck, romp, give, appreciate, share.

This book and her life seem brave and ahead of the curve, and that's lovely to witness. Women should be bold and sexual and aggressive - that's just catching up.

I love that she talks about having sex with people, and often avoids pronouns so that she doesn't identify the gender of whom she's having sex with - because it doesn't matter! That's refreshing.

She lost style points: I don't love the involved complexity of her sentences that excitedly dash off sideways and belatedly return to the point. I just get annoyed when I have to repeatedly read a ten-line sentence, hunting the subject/verb to get what she means to say. Too much work; I'm lazy, don't interrupt my reading flow with sentence detective work.

I ended up on the fence, wondering if I was reading a writing style so different it's truly revolutionary, or if it would just benefit from another edit or two.
Profile Image for Jamie.
1,361 reviews538 followers
February 5, 2020
My sister-in-law is an ex-sex-ed instructor (say five times fast), who did grad school for the same, so I raid her bookshelves whenever I get the chance and/or find books to add. This is the latter. Between her shelves and our talks, I have Opinions on sex-help books. My pick so far is Betty Dodson, Sex for One, i.e. the book that proves time travel isn’t real, because if it was, Future Jamie would have zapped back to grade school to give Past Jamie that book.

But now this book: it’s up there. Sure, there’s a heavy dose of the Brooklyn millennial speak, but instead of annoying, it’s fun and clever, and the opposite of condescending or trite. It’s the sex-help equivalent of the show You’re the Worst— containing all appearances of being the worst and annoying, but actually brilliant and the best. Or better yet, like Amy Rose is writing the Alexis Rose advice column, with all the generosity and unexpected insight therein.

I want to add her to our chats, which may be more of an endorsement than liking the book she wrote. She’s refreshing and candid, and while your own mileage may vary, it did me good.

The more of other people’s intimate and nuanced approaches to sexuality that you try to understand, accept, and welcome, the more of that generosity you can then pass on to the rest of the world with respect, bravery, and extraordinarily messed-up pillow hair. Most of all: with love. Do with that what you will.
Profile Image for Sarah.
721 reviews36 followers
August 14, 2016
I totally enjoyed this but I found the writing to be a real struggle. She uses a lot of millennial vernacular which is great but she also has a prose style that's very tough to read. You can open to any page and find a sentence that's just way over written.

Someone more knowledgeable about grammar could isolate it im sure but there's a lot of double negatives and joking asides and qualifying statements "initially, I was worried that my gauntness was going to lead people to classify me as 'unhinged' or unhealthy' --which are two bifurcations of the same root idea, that someone has a medical condition, but are not necessarily one identical fact."
It's tiring to read and just--over written. I don't want to re read sentences constantly to figure out what they mean, esp if the meaning isn't that complex.

Regardless she's an interesting narrator and she has good advice not only for sex but for life. Esp regarding basic charm and people skills.
Profile Image for Aumaine Rose.
90 reviews
September 1, 2021
Flipped/skipped through this because it’s ordered in an at times-non hierarchical way… also the voice is extremely playful/internet-y. Topically & info-wise kind, straightforward, empowering, affirming
Profile Image for Julie.
12 reviews1 follower
October 20, 2018
Could have been 200 pages shorter.
Profile Image for Katie Brenner.
40 reviews
January 10, 2017
I bought this book because I volunteer as a sex peer counselor at my university and because I have enjoyed A.R.S.'s writings for Rookie Mag. While she is undeniably cool and has a wonderful vocabulary, I found Action difficult to read because of the frequency of run-on sentences, parenthetical inserts, and/or overly flowery language in most of the book. By the end of the book I was waiting for it to be over as I found it tiring to read, especially since I already knew so much of the information provided. However, for someone who does not find this a hinderance to their reading enjoyment, this book provides wonderful, non-judgemental information for those who seek sexual guidance and education. Spiegel acts a big sister of sorts with her inclusion of personal stories and pep talks on self-love, confidence, and health. Though this book was not entirely my cup of tea, I objectively appreciate it for its validating content and the love that clearly went into it-- I can see myself recommending this as reading for peers that seek general guidance as a part of discovering their sexual power and autonomy.
Profile Image for Robyn.
264 reviews5 followers
September 19, 2016
Good, open-hearted and mostly accurate advice (including the exhortation to avoid sleeping with DJs), but oh, honey: 1. You are so very young, and possibly should not be offering advice on "long-term relationships ", and 2. Two weeks of no sex isn't quite celibacy.

Anyway, bang on, as it were.
Profile Image for Sharon.
295 reviews9 followers
January 6, 2017
The constellation of Rookie affiliates behind this book gave me hope. Is it possible for a woman to write sex advice and not sound like Cosmopolitan magazine? Unfortunately, this book makes me think not.
Profile Image for Eric Fitzsimmons.
48 reviews7 followers
January 31, 2017
How to Think About Sex (Without Overthinking It) Action: A Book About Sex is the cool guy/gal you hooked up with in high school or college who was way too attractive and confident for you but helped you find your way from theory to concept (in a sexual sense). After years of euphemisms and pseudo-psychology, and (worst of the bunch) seduction guides and self-help books, Action is the grown-up (but not too grown-up) discussion about sex we never knew we needed. It's direct, sensitive, encouraging, and mostly just a lot of fun -- alone or with friends!
 
Sex writing usually wavers between the sensual and the technical, Action doesn't much bother with either. It's crass and straightforward, but not demeaning. Spiegel shows that sex doesn't have to be so self-serious to be mind-boggling enjoyable, or to be meaningful for that matter. She doesn't really present any new information here, at least not to anyone buying a book about sex who isn't a 15 year-old boy, but she kind of opens the blinds on all the kind of unspoken assumptions many of us harbor about sex/dating/etc. and exposes them to the daylight. This happens in a number of ways but I wanted to focus on three themes that come out of the book. They're kind of suggestions but also demonstrated in the way Spiegel writes.
 
The first is openness. Spiegel says we should really be talking more about sex. About consent, about identity, about sexuality and kinks, about relationships, about positions, and everything else. Especially with your partners (obviously), but in public life too. It's kind of like talking about money, decorum tells us to hush up, but some frank discussions would do a lot of good in both realms.
 
Spiegel starts with a section saying as much right away, which makes openness less a theme than just a thing she says, except it continues popping up throughout the book. I mean, if the branding wasn't so bad it could be called "Talking: A Book About Sex."  Talk to new people you might want to sex! Talk with people you already sex to make sure your sex is as good as it can be (for both involved)! Talk with someone your maybe about to sex to see if they're really down with that! Talk about trying something new! Talk about a trip to the sex store! It touches on a bonus theme of embarrassment I won't really discuss, but by not talking about sex we are closing off possibilities we can really enjoy. We've all been frustrated by situations where everyone is deferring and nobody will make a decision where to go for dinner, it's like that except no one bothers to mention dinner and just hopes to happen into a restaurant and then order food for the other person.
 
Second: Spiegel reminds us that there are two people (or three) in the bed. Note the emphasis on people. Gender always comes second to humanity in this book, because this is obviously the treatment we've needed for a very long time. Action is a book about sex, largely for entertainment but with a lot of practical content too, and that content is about having a better sex life. What it is not is a book about seducing women, or pleasing men. Spiegel is always working under the assumption that the other party in this matter is a thinking, feeling person and would like to be treated as such.
 
Of course, Action gets more specific when it comes to handling genitalia, but when it comes to seduction technique or being better in bed it's not about some technique or trick or pseudo-psychology, it's about respect and openness (see above). Success isn't about who you have sex with, it's about how you feel about that person and both of you having a good time. There's no shortcut there, you just have to think about it and work it out. Actually, there's one technique she says will make you as insightful as Mel Gibson in What Women Want but you'd have to go back and read point 1. (Edit: more insightful than Gibson, he mostly uses his gendered mind-reading in that movie to be a manipulative dick.)
 
Lastly: Spiegel grounds the discussions in real terms and situations. Some jargon does appear here -- intersectionality, non-binary, cisgender, BONE-A-ZONA -- but Spiegel uses it sparingly and playfully. Like I said above, she is unflinching, as it should be: she's writing a book about sex, now is not the time to get coy. Her candidness makes everything better and more clear because she describes something real and specific. Here she talks about just meeting people:
 

"Eight times out of ten, if you introduce yourself to a new person, assume some air of great purpose about you, and tell them something honest and enticing in its irregularity (especially if it also happens to be funny), that person will talk to you."
 

Spiegel then spends most of the chapter on talking: good pick-up lines, having something to say, asking questions, pushing when they answer "good" or "not much." It's five pages on what is essentially you're time-tested, basic script hook up, but she demystifies it. Here's where you are, here's what you do, there's no script, just some prompts, because the biggest problems are getting the gumption up to talk with someone and have the grace to move on when it doesn't pan out. Again, it's not about seduction, it's about meeting people (see point 2). If you're open and outgoing, opportunities will arise, but if you fixate on someone you forget they are a real person with their own feelings and tastes that has no obligation to return your attraction.
 
When Spiegel does share tips they are broad and she doesn't claim universal, though they seem like a good idea. Spiegel admits she's into good posture, or how she digs getting oral sex while lying on her stomach, but everyone has their own preferences, it's what makes the world go 'round.
  
Then it all cycles back to point 1, or maybe they're all one point: talk respectfully about sex in clear terms, you wild lovechild.
 
SUMMARY: This was kind of a weird review, but this was also an unusual book and I was really interested in the way everything was presented. The result was something about style and about what spoke to me, but also recounting some messages from the book. This makes some sense because form is important and the way Spiegel presents the information reflects the approach she is advocating: direct, unashamed, sensitive and curious. I hope this review made sense is all I'm saying. Thanks for reading!
 
 
Profile Image for Kaycee..
31 reviews1 follower
January 18, 2023
My younger self would've appreciated this book a lot more. Mostly because I was a reckless slut with no idea how to sexually navigate the world around me. Now that I'm a well informed slut, this book simply reads as a REALLY funny sex ed course swaddled in the language of self-help. I loved the writer's humorous and pragmatic approach to the ceremony surrounding sex, sex itself, and everything in between. Sex means a variety of things to many people and it's a lofty attempt to try to write an all encompassing book about it but the author tries nonetheless to mixed results. I'm sure some readers would appreciate tips and tricks on how to ready your room in 10 minutes before a hookup or sex toy maintenance but a lot of these "instructional" sub chapters read like filler to me. The book shines when the author taps into her numerous sexual experiences to present distinct, exquisite insights into the human experience- "There are some things you can only learn through touching another person. If I weren't willing to sleep around, I wouldn't know that". A lot of the advice the author offers are extremely useful: "Never assume when you can ask" and she salvages horrible incidents in her personal life with cutting humour: my personal favourite story is when she surprises herself and her abuser by punching him squarely in the jaw after he hits her nonconsensually during a tryst. The author's chatty, Kelly Kapoor-esque style of writing also helps you get comfortable with examinations of the more sensitive sex-related issues in the book such as sexual assault, coercion, and violence.

Above all, this is a book about the importance of mutual respect, kindness, and care to one's self, sexual/romantic partners, and the world around them. The effort is much appreciated.
Profile Image for Leiki Fae.
305 reviews7 followers
February 27, 2017
I am 35, married, and a big supporter of people having all the lovely, consensual sex they want with all the lovely, consenting people they can find. I read the intro and the first chapter of this book and I had to stop, which was is frustrating cause I paid for the Kindle edition of this book, so now I'm just out that money without even being able to pass the book on to someone who will get more out of it than me.

My impression was that it'd be a valuable read for high schoolers and college kids, especially girls who maybe didn't get all the memos about consent and boundaries while they were living under their parents' roofs.

I am too old to even find this writing quirky. The summary compares Amy Rose Spiegel to Roxane Gay, and while I bet they would be on the same page about a lot of this, I'm much more in the Roxane Gay-demographic.
Profile Image for Ynna.
538 reviews35 followers
July 29, 2021
I chose to read this book based on the author's proximity and friendship to other writers I admire, and realize this exercise usually lead to work that ranges from mildly entertaining to complete wastes of time. Action fell more into the mildly entertaining genre, however Spiegel seemed determined to make this mostly advice, partly memoir book "not like your mother's sex ed book!" The whole time I felt like she was trying to win me over with how hip and cool she was, and sometimes she succeeded, but often I found myself rolling my eyes at some of the slang she used to describe sexual encounters.

Overall, there are important messages about consent, listening to your body, and general positivity regarding sexuality and experimentation that I think would be beneficial for anyone to read.
74 reviews
November 1, 2022
So i got the audiobook version of this and thank God for that because reading it would be tough! I like the freedom this book preaches, but there are issues. The "Become Yourself" chapter was more like tips for being a better person in general (and based on an opinion of what makes a good person) than it was anything related to sex. The audiobook reader (maybe author?) sounds like she's trying to do a mix between ASMR, an "authentic" conversation, and an instructional manual.

The vocabulary in the book is at times highly millennial while at other times it sounds like she just tried to use every GRE prep vocab word she could think of, even if more lay words would do just as good, if not better.

Overall the message was positive, but not particularly novel in the space of sex-positive literature. I didn't hate it, but didn't love it.
Profile Image for Farhira Farudin.
45 reviews
June 21, 2020
amy rose spiegel, since her rookie days, has always had the most complex and peculiar ways to describe the little mundane things. during the rookie era i remember her as the writer who shines out the most, simply because no one else writes like her. though i do greatly admire her writing style, i also felt like this book could’ve been way shorter. a lot of the times i find myself rereading a sentence a few times over trying to understand what she is trying to deliver. a 10 words sentence could easily be a 5. amy approach the topic of sex and all of its glory and turbulence in the most light-hearted and intimate way. this reads like a sex biography, but the focus still goes back to the reader. it’s about her and yet it’s about the rest of us too. that itself feels like intimacy to me.
Profile Image for Jess.
71 reviews2 followers
January 3, 2022
3.5 stars!
I enjoyed this book. It loses marks only because I'm a harsh critic for my own amusement, and don't share the author's sense of humour. For me, the weird stream-of-consciousness puns and jokes could be removed. I also can't help but think this book is basically a view of sex if you're a very attractive person and that a lot of the first hand experiences, although fun to read about, aren't going to be relatable to a lot of people. That said, there's some very informative, sensible, and important information in here, written about in the best way to write about sex: very openly, frankly, and in a grounding 'remember, it's all okay' kind of way. It's the sort of book I imagine if I was a parent I'd want my teenager to read before/as they enter the world of sex.
Profile Image for Hillary.
189 reviews5 followers
November 14, 2017
This was a very interesting story. It was told and explained in a very different and judge-free funny way that I liked a lot. There are many parts of the story that are long and that seem they go on forever, however, it adds to the way the author writes and told the story. It was as if she was sitting with you and it was coming right from her lips straight to your ears.
The topics in this story are very different as well. Every aspect of sex that you can think about is talked about and explained leaving nothing to the imagination.
It was a very interesting read.
48 reviews4 followers
January 23, 2019
Frankness and ability to overwork the composition of a sentence seem to be the author's calling card. The honesty on such an intimate subject is laudable, but the writing is painful to read. It would be hard to recommend this book. Numerous times in the middle of some convoluted sentence, i was asking myself what is she going on about, couldn't be that important, and then just skip ahead to the next section.
Profile Image for Zach.
1,555 reviews30 followers
January 11, 2019
Coulda read these in columns on a website instead of a book but that's not her fault. direct and honest.
Profile Image for CR.
87 reviews2 followers
February 3, 2019
A chirpy and distracted book that contains more innuendo than content
Profile Image for Elizabeth.
943 reviews4 followers
February 6, 2019
At times I had a hard time following the “very cool” language of the author. I did appreciate some of the insights and thoughts she shared, though I’m never sure I will be that cool.
Profile Image for Lindsay.
473 reviews4 followers
November 15, 2019
Basically reads like “lessons I’ve learned: my sexual autobiography”. Interesting and wilder than anyone I know. But weirdly, not a book I wanted to rip through.
423 reviews67 followers
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March 6, 2020
despite the title remarkably did not know what to expect from this one! reads like a longform rookie magazine column, which, well, makes sense.
147 reviews5 followers
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May 30, 2021
Factual information that is available(and better presented) elsewhere mixed with opinions I didn't quite agree with. Still, this might be a useful and even revelatory book for someone else.
Profile Image for Harum.
84 reviews3 followers
December 1, 2022
I’m glad this book exists but the writing is kind of exhausting. And maybe it needs more nuance. It has a lot of nuance already, I just want different nuance.
Profile Image for Erin Cataldi.
2,539 reviews63 followers
August 30, 2016
While I enjoyed this book I found the writing style to be a bit much. Amy Rose Spiegel uses a lot of "millennial" vernacular which isn't awful, but the prose can be very tough to read and long winded. You can open to any page and find a sentence that's just way over written. This book is a look at bedroom etiquette, hooking up, sexual dos and donts, personal stories, getting your freak on, and other sexy shenanigans. I was surprised when I discovered that the author is only 23, she has certainly, seen experienced, and done more than I probably ever will. Certain sections are laugh out loud funny and amusing and other sections dealing with consent and rape are definitely more sobering. This book will appeal to younger free spirited millennials and wasn't awful, but wasn't quite my cup of tea either.
Profile Image for Emma.
1,619 reviews
September 3, 2017
Well, I thought I was the queen of sidebars but Amy Rose Spiegel definitely has me beaten, there are so many digressions in this book. It doesn't make it any less interesting, but it gave me the feeling of being all over the place, a little.

First, it needs to be said, this is not a book sex, as in the technical aspects of the act, as I thought, it's more about all things related to sex, leading to sex, with the occasional technical detail (okay not so occasional, but it's not the core of the book either).
But it's very body-positive, incredibly inclusive, and if *I* could have done with a little less millenial cool lingo, I must admit it also makes for a fun read.

Maybe I'm a bit too old and, ahum, ~~experienced~ to fully benefit from this book, but it's still full of good advice, and again, I'd recommend it based on its wonderful inclusiveness alone.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 39 reviews

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