The Point Is: Making Sense of Birth, Death, and Everything in Between

by Lee Eisenberg

In this engaging and provocative new book, Lee Eisenberg, bestselling author of The Number, dares to tackle nothing less than what it takes to find enduring meaning and purpose in life.

He explains how from a young age, each of us is compelled to take memories of events and relationships and shape them into a one-of-a-kind personal narrative. In addition to sharing his own pivotal memories (some of them moving, some just a shade embarrassing), Eisenberg presents striking research culled from psychology and neuroscience, and draws on insights from a pantheon of thinkers and great writers-Tolstoy, Freud, Joseph Campbell, Virginia Woolf, among others.

We also hear from men and women of all ages who are wrestling with the demands of work and family, ever in search of fulfillment and satisfaction.

It all adds up to a fascinating story, delightfully told, one that goes straight to the heart of how we explain ourselves to ourselves-in other words, who we are and why.

Genres: Nonfiction, Philosophy, Self Help, Psychology, Memoir

304 pages, Hardcover

First published February 2, 2016

Reviews

[Clif Hostetler · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a combination exploratory meditation and humorous romp through the subject of the meaning of life. Frequent references are made to insights from literature, philosophy, science and history to supplement the author’s own personal stories leading to a search for meaning in all stages of life. The book’s narrative style has a surprising degree of spontaneity and light hearted humor to keep the reader entertained in spite of the fact that the word “death” is in the subtitle.

The author, Lee Eisenberg, is obviously a professional writer. Thus it’s not a surprise when he develops the metaphor of a “scribbler” (a.k.a memory) who lives in our heads writing our life stories as we proceed through life. After referencing comments regarding the meaning of life from Viktor Frankl and the Pope, Eisenberg adds this additional ingredient:

But I'm presumptuous enough to add a crucial ingredient that Frankl and the Pope overlooked. The need to make a story out of it all. We have a body and we have a brain. No argument there. Each is vital obviously. The body and the brain allow us to live in the physical and mental dimensions. They provide conclusive evidence in the form of sensations and ideas that yes we do indeed exist. But neither the body nor the brain—if said brain lacks a narrative mechanism—can drive the story home to us. That's where our friend in the attic comes in. Until something, the scribbler, whips our physical sensations and mental capacities into a story it won't make sense. This is clearly a process best managed in proximity to where our memories are housed, the brain. Which is why, thanks to hundreds of thousands of years of human evolution, the writer in residence resides in the brain and not elsewhere such like the pyloric sphincter or an equally intolerable place to write.

The scribbler makes frequent appearances in this book, including the following tongue-in-cheek creative insight that Eisenberg claims to have had regarding the nature of ghosts.

… one of my higher grade brainstorms, or so it seemed at the time, an absolutely never before imagined thesis that goes a long way toward explaining the true nature and mission of ghosts. What if these avenging apparitions aren't the spirits of the dearly departed. What if a ghost is actually the spirit of the dearly departed's scribbler who returns to deliver payback for how we may have slighted or wrecked the departed's life story.

The author encourages the reader consider their mind's scribbler with an attitude of passion, conviction, courage, curiosity, and love, even if life at times may seem to be pointless.

The point? Just as Sisyphus was sentenced to pushing a rock up hill, we are sentenced to write a life story, moment to moment, day after day, from the beginning to the end, even as we struggle with inevitable stretches of tedium and suffering. The point? The story's the point. Don't you see? What you recorded in the journals. The point. The point is to keep pounding away at a satisfying story, even when conditions on the surface seems as dreary, as futile, as exhausting as pushing a rock up hill. The point is to write the best story we can. The point is to keep the story from obsessing over what's lacking, inferior or ugly in life, and instead cast our attention on the good, the true, and the beautiful, never overlooking the pain and the injustice, but confronting them. As Viktor Frankl said it isn't what you expect from life that matters—I'm looking at you Millennials—it's what life expects from you. Life expects that we give back to it. …
Despair, disappointment, boredom, conformity, pain and hate, are no match for passion, conviction, courage, curiosity, and love. Each of us is sentenced to write a life story. Writing as well and as creatively as you can is the point.
(emphasis is mine)

The book ends with the following words.

We live to lure and enchant and console others.
We live to serenade our lovers.
We live to teach ourselves to speak to others.
We live to expand our world,
We live as the birds sing, as the primitive dance their rituals.

[Andrea Norton · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received a copy of The Point Is from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

I'm getting a little suspicious now. This book is yet another hit that I've read recently. There have been so many hits. Not that I'm complaining, but you know that is usually doesn't happen this way. Especially when you have to issue a book five stars because it's just that good.

I've only recently developed an interest in philosophy, and with that comes the wonderment of life. What does it all mean? Is there a point to all of this? Do we just live and die, not making or leaving a mark?

On December 22, 2015, I came out to my family about something I'd kept hidden for months. October 14th, 2015, to be exact, is when it started. I was severely depressed and going downhill fast. I hit rock bottom. I was emotionally burned out. There was no rhyme or reason for it, it just happened quicker than you can say "Bob's your uncle".

In healing, I had to do some soul-searching. After talking to Sean (my husband) and then my parents, I came up with a plan. Part of that plan was to read books like this, books that could help me understand life and explain things on a personal level. I needed books that would bring me back to Andrea, not whoever I'd become.

I went through a long period wondering what the point was. I saw everything as negative no matter what it was. My amazing husband could do so much better than me, I could give my cats a better life, I'm a burden to my parents. All of my accomplishments went down the drain. For every positive I tried to remember, I had five negatives to counter them.

This book appeared at the perfect time. I am no longer wondering if there is a point. I know that there is a point to my life story, and with the help of this book, I know what the point is. The point is not generic, for everyone. I mean, sure it is, but it's also one-of-a-kind, for you, whoever you happen to be. That is beautiful in its own right. We truly are all connected, aren't we?

It's not happiness, like people say. Sure, strive for that, we all should. This book goes deeper than that. It examines our life stories, our views on death, and how we come to where we are at any given time. These honest and sometimes funny looks into the tough questions and parts of life left me with a sense of calm, a sense of knowing who Andrea is (my Self) that much more, and with a more positive outlook. But, understanding the point... that's the icing on the cake for me, my friends.

Struggling with death was another piece of the puzzle that brought me down. I shouldn't have done that according to what my Christian belief system says. Yet, I did. This book goes over why we're afraid of death, how we all view it, and what it could (and probably should) be like. There is a lot on death in here, and it's not scary at all. It's informative, enlightening and very helpful. I highly suggest reading this book just for the parts on death if you have a fear of it or are just curious.

We all have "what-if" questions for our lives. If you want the answer to that, The Point Is, well, gives you the point. It answers the "what-if" question, or it did for me. I no longer wonder that, and while it's early since I just finished this book, I believe that will be beneficial in the days, months and years to come.

You'll read about something all of us have - a beginning, a middle and an end. How we change, where we're usually at, and what it all means. What is meaningfulness? You'll have a very clear and new understanding after reading this.

There is a ton in here on memory. How a memory forms and how it behaves in our heads over time. Some of this I'd already looked into from my psychology classes, and while I did know some of it, hearing (reading) it again from a new perspective was very enlightening. How can you improve your memory of something? Are our memories accurate? Why do we remember something one way but someone else who was there remembers it another way? How much do we actually remember? When in life do we start being able to keep memories? Your answers are here, and they're not opinion based - this is all backed up by scientific research.

The Point Is answers what the point is, and it makes more sense than the point being "happy". It explains why the point is this, that and so much more. But, it leaves the true point up to you. It clearly lines out how to get to that point in your personal journey.

Mr. Eisenberg not only talks of his life, he has interviews with every day people, scientists, those who have come before us and more. He quotes books and expands on everything other people have to say. I was not left wondering, "what does it mean?" during my journey with this book.

At the end you'll find some tests to better help you understand yourself and where you are at. As usual, I suggest taking these. They're not only fun but they are very eye-opening for your Self.

No matter what you believe, you won't be knocked on here. We all believe different things, even if we're in the same religion. No one religion or non-religion is favored here, and that is made clear at the beginning of the book and proven as you read it. Aspects of belief regarding life and death are examined, but there is not a belief that is favored over other beliefs. It's all looked at, from the afterlife to just going into the ground and becoming one with the earth. So, a word of caution: you need to be open-minded for this one. If you can not accept views and looks into what others believe, or have a hard time with scientific evidence, you may have a hard time with this one. I suggest trying it anyway. I am a devout Christian and found no offense in this book at all. I felt welcomed and accepted by Mr. Eisenberg. (A note about me: I am also a firm supporter in science and scientific evidence and breakthroughs. That's for another day, though).

This is not a book for you if you're looking for quick answers. You won't get it here as there is a ton of research and it is well thought-out and well planned. Instead you will get incredible insight, ways of thinking you may never have had before, and some very serious honesty. If that's what your looking for in your search for meaning and your personal life journey, then pick this one up, read and enjoy.

[Joy H. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Added 12/30/16. (Published February 2nd 2016)

I read most of this book but not all of it. It tends to ramble. I felt that it needed more structure. Having said that, I must say that it kept drawing me in with interesting observations about the meaning of life, with many references to what different authors have said on the subject. I got the impression that the author had collected ideas and quotes about life and decided to put them together in some form in this book.

Although I found the book interesting, I was continually frustrated by the rambling. There wasn't enough structure to help my mind hold onto the ideas expressed. The writing seemed to go off in different directions until I would lose the line of thought and close the book. Perhaps it was too much to digest, too abstract to hang onto, too nebulous. Perhaps I lost my way in the many tangents of thought and couldn't get back to the main thought.

There are many interesting thoughts in the book and many interesting anecdotes. Perhaps, for me, it might have been better if the material were presented as individual essays. Even a perusal of the table of contents gives me no feeling of organization about the contents, except that it's divided into "The Beginning", "The Middle" and "The End". That held no meaning for me. I found no sense of cohesion, no sense that the parts all fit together.

Goodreads member, Clif Hostetler, as usual, wrote a good review. He opens with the following paragraph:
============================
"This book is a combination exploratory meditation and humorous romp through the subject of the meaning of life. Frequent references are made to insights from literature, philosophy, science and history to supplement the author’s own personal stories leading to a search for meaning in all stages of life. The book’s narrative style has a surprising degree of spontaneity and light hearted humor to keep the reader entertained in spite of the fact that the word “death” is in the subtitle."
SEE CLIF'S REVIEW AT: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
============================

I had tried listening to an audio version of the book at first. I decided that perhaps it would seem less "rambling" if I had a hard copy. But the hard copy still frustrated me because there were so many diverse thoughts which didn't seem to fit into a concrete pattern. There were so many points of view, so many different perspectives. Clif calls it a "romp". Perhaps that's a good word for it.

I would attempt to read the book again but I feel that I'd meet with the same frustrations about the nebulous quality of the material. Perhaps, now that I've got an idea of the what the whole book is like, I would be more able to appreciate the audio version. That's a thought. I might try it. After all, I must admit that the book does stimulate one's thoughts about life. Perhaps if I review the material again, I would begin to get the POINT of it all! Maybe the point is that there is no one point! We each have a different idea of what the point of life is, a different sense of the meaning of life.

9/4/18 - P.S. After listening to the book once more, I've come away with a good, simple (but useful) quote given in the book. The quote is: "Don't be afraid." (in Latin, "nolite timere")
See more about this quote at: https://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/b...
At the web page linked above, it says: "The phrase occurs about 70 times in the Bible."

[Michael Verde · Rating 5 out of 5]

**Spoiler alert**

The Point Is

Inspired

And by inspired I mean that the book’s final impact transcends in an unanticipated and riveting way its myriad of profound parts.

Yes, yes, yes to the definables—its concept is creatively conceived, its prose clearly and compellingly rendered, and its distillation of works of psychology, neuroscience, philosophy, literature, and religion that inform and illustrate its thesis is stunningly synthesized. Check pluses in all the requisite categories.

But more than embodying the essential qualities of a five-star read (in my book), it trips the wire of that inexplicable combustible at the heart of every book that makes an enduring impact on our lives: it turns its theme into an event, its thesis about something into an experience of something—an experience, in this case, of making meaning out of our life’s manifold memories.

The Point Is does not merely give us a point, an answer to what it’s all about (or worse, the answer). It leads us, rather, to an artfully elevated point of view into our own life’s singular way of making meaning. This is its unexpected brilliance. It is also the compositional challenge the book had to solve to avoid being a monumental let down. How can one write a book about the meaning of life when life only means, finally, from the inside-out, from within the perspective of an absolutely unique person? Every reader is different, but this one book will always be the same. Free the sword from that enchanted rock, heroic author?

Well, Eisenberg does it. He tells the tale that lifts the spell from the impossible theme: the meaning of life. And while how he does escapes definition—Eisenberg himself may not entirely understand the magic of his art—it can at least be recognized and relished.

I expected this book to be good. I’ve read two of Eisenberg’s other books and so I know he’s a superb writer. I did not expect, however, that when I set down the book that my own personal storywriter upstairs would be so inspired—inspired, specifically, to go back to his never-ceasing work of turning memories into narratives with a new degree of confidence that a meaningful ending—and, who knows, perhaps even a happy one—is always within imaginative reach.

I will read this book many more times. Its layers of import are inexhaustibly rich.

[Adna · Rating 4 out of 5]

First of all I would like to thank NetGalley for giving me a copy of this ebook.

This book was insightful, funny at times and left me feeling a bit more... something. I liked that the author reminded us, the readers, that everyone has an author in their employ, an author working in the brain tasked with writing down our memories. I imagine my author in residence lounging in a comfortable chair and desk next to an open window, looking out into the world.

I liked the everyday moments of the author reminding his wife, Linda, that he will not be "around forever to show her how to download a JPEG". I also liked how the author reminds us, the readers, that we leave our legacies in the small things: don't forget to show kindness to your fellow people -- hold the door open for someone, smile at someone, and volunteer.

[Begum Sacak Sarilar · Rating 5 out of 5]

I would call this book a s a mental one since it made me think a lot about the life's purpose, life as a any other story (beware of the metaphor here) and life as something that will come to an end.The author gives examples from philosophy, science, and belief systems about how they handled such questions. The whole book is like an inquiry into life and its purpose. I really loved this well-written book and it touches upon many important details about life we never actually think about. 5 stars.

[YHC · Rating 4 out of 5]

Like this book using many writers' best of ideas about birth, death and life.

我们害怕自己不能完成重要的事，即使我们也不确定是否有重要的事要完成；我们害怕见不到上帝；或者说，我们害怕见到上帝之后，发现死后发生的事情远比死亡本身更糟糕；我们害怕丧失过去和未来。米兰·昆德拉观察到丧失记忆是死亡的前兆，这也是我们的常驻作者内心最为恐惧的事情。没有记忆，故事作者就无事可做。又一个作家要失业了。
我们也害怕会丢下我们最爱的人，再也没办法保护他们。我偶然读到过一位退休的悲伤情绪治疗师写的短文，他被诊断出肌萎缩侧索硬化。他说，他担心自己去世后，妻子不能好好生活，尽管他的下一句就是说他们在一起的几十年，全靠她妻子照料一切。他不得不承认，他对妻子的担忧其实是一种“自怜的体现”。
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约翰·柯垂在其书《比自我更长久》（Outliving the Self ）中，重新提到了埃里克森关于繁衍的观点，从埃里克森引进这个观点30年后社会与文化发生了转变，这点柯垂也考虑到了。那时，我们经历了避孕革命，导致更多的女性推迟生育，或者干脆选择做绝育。人类的寿命变长了，这意味着即使有了孩子，我们当空巢老人的时间也会比历史上任何时代都长。这两点进步都意味着我们比过去任何时代的“生理不育”时间都更长。柯垂说，这给我 们带来了挑战：要在新的形势下想出如何保持比喻意义上的“多子多孙”。为了帮我们想出办法，他概述了“繁殖”的4种显著类型：生理上的（老办法，生育、抚养后代）、养育型的（教育、规范、激发这些后代）、技术上的（带教，把手艺传给其他人）和文化上的（通过艺术、科学、工艺等贡献新创造）。
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那些不想或者不能生育的父母又怎么办呢？有些人的身体或者性情就是不适合要孩子。如果繁衍后代就是我们人生的意义，那根据定义，那些没有孩子的人生就一定是毫无意义的吗？梅根·道姆曾编辑过一本书，关于人们——好吧，不是人们，是作家——决定不要孩子的原因。她说那些选择放弃生育的人“也没怎么承受精神创伤……事实上，我们中很多人花费了大量精力去丰富别人家孩子的人生，反过来也等于丰富了我们自己的人生”。
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伍尔夫确保我们能理解：一个“有意义”的人生，不总是令人称赞或符合伦理的。我想起爱德华·斯诺登，他的人生有意义吗？当然，很多人会支持说有。由于斯诺登的关系，我们至今仍在为政府的过度干涉和人们的隐私权进行国家层面的争论。直接后果是，我们推翻了思虑不周全的法律。尽管对于副总统迪克·切尼而言，斯诺登背叛了他的祖国，并将美国人民置于危险之中，但这也使得斯诺登的人生因背叛而变得更有意义。
伍尔夫提醒我们，“有意义的人生”不一定是幸福快乐的人生。在这时候，柴可夫斯基会成为我们讨论的关键对象。这位作曲家有过一段不明智的婚姻，几周后他就跳入了寒冷刺骨的莫斯科河，希望借此染上肺炎，从而有机会逃离这段悲惨的婚姻。
最后，“有意义的人生”不一定是出名的。
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待我们人到中年，脑海中的故事作者也不能完全确定她在为怎样的自我组合服务。我们不该称其为身份“危机”，应当称其身份“冲突”。把“危机”这词儿留给你的青少年时期吧，那时你还无法从一系列互相矛盾的身份中做出选择，也无法决定自己是否拥有初始身份。
据叙事心理学家所言，我们一生中会测试出很多种的自我。 我们不费吹灰之力地在这些自我中轻松转换，如同在换袜子。这是西方文化的观点。而虔诚的佛教徒并不关心穿哪双袜子，成为哪种自我，他们的存在是“无我”的。在佛教教义中，自我，与其说是“自性”，不如说是一种“过程”，因为佛教的“无我”存在于永恒，与其他众生与宇宙间的关系截然不同。“无我”和宇宙是和谐统一的。身处西方的我，尤其是在伊萨兰学院时，被这个想法所吸引，因为这听起来很温和，让人放松。但想要达到这个“无我境界”非常难。所以我们只能不断地在众多自我之间转换，以求能在某一个自我中，让我们感觉到自己和其他生命乃至宇宙更加亲近。
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人生意义不是什么奢侈品，而是一种必需品。维克多·埃米尔·弗兰克宣称，我们都有着“寻找意义的意愿”。我们人类在三个维度上生活——身体、心灵和精神，就是精神维度促使我们去寻找我们为何存在的答案。弗兰克写出了《活出生命的意义》（Men's Search for Meaning ），这本书超凡脱俗，他因此声名鹊起，也算是实至名归。
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“存在主义疗法”是治疗感情问题和特殊癖好的分析性框架。在这些原理中有一条是说我们需要“反抗精神”，即使面临强大的挑战，也要坚持达到目的。心理学家保罗·黄说过，从宏观角度看，“存在主义疗法”（Logotherapy，logos希腊语中是“意义”的意思）是让人“活得幸福、死得安息的完整蓝图”。这种观念的前提是人生在任何情况下，即使是最糟糕的逆境里，都是有意义的，而我们最主要的生存动力是在其中找到价值和目标。“自我超越”本质上是与比你强大的东西连结在一起，这需要不断自我提升，培养信念、勇气和同情心。
怎样才能彻底达成这些目标？在弗兰克的文章里你找不到具体的待办事项，也没有十步速成法。弗兰克写道：“人生真正的意义是活在这个世界上，而不是个人或他自己的精神里。”你越是投入你热爱的事业或心爱的人，你就越接近人生的意义。正如T.S.艾略特写到的：“做有用的事，说勇敢的话，想美好的事——一生足矣。”根据弗兰克的观点，你也许会在自然、艺术和工作中发掘到有用、勇敢和美丽的事情，或者至少发现一个人的独特之处。但在发现这些之前，你要经历令人难以忍受的痛苦。弗兰克说我们每个人需要的，不是“松弛舒适的状态，而是为了一个有价值的目标、一份自己选择的工作付出努力和奋斗”。 他的另外一本书《医生和心灵》（The Doctor and the Soul ），比《活出生命的意义》更加专业。在这本书里，他用很大篇幅阐述了工作的意义，因为工作在我们的生活中具有核心地位。如果我们活得很充实，通常都归功于工作，而更多时候，工作为我们空虚的生活背了黑锅。我们花大量时间去工作，自我价值源于工作。弗兰克对这个问题进行了充分的解释，他把我们从工作中获得的社会地位、物质奖励与工作给予的意义做出区分。他说，职业本质上是无法提供救赎的。举个例子，你可能是一位医生或护士，这两种职业都需要必要且精熟的业务，但意义却不在于做出正确的诊断、准确地开刀，或者抽血和清理伤口。这些任务虽然重要，但不能满足人类精神上的需求。弗兰克说：“医学的艺术不在于医学手段，在于对病人说出合适的话
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会在自然、艺术和工作中发掘到有用、勇敢和美丽的事情，或者至少发现一个人的独特之处。但在发现这些之前，你要经历令人难以忍受的痛苦。弗兰克说我们每个人需要的，不是“松弛舒适的状态，而是为了一个有价值的目标、一份自己选择的工作付出努力和奋斗”。 他的另外一本书《医生和心灵》（The Doctor and the Soul ），比《活出生命的意义》更加专业。在这本书里，他用很大篇幅阐述了工作的意义，因为工作在我们的生活中具有核心地位。如果我们活得很充实，通常都归功于工作，而更多时候，工作为我们空虚的生活背了黑锅。我们花大量时间去工作，自我价值源于工作。弗兰克对这个问题进行了充分的解释，他把我们从工作中获得的社会地位、物质奖励与工作给予的意义做出区分。他说，职业本质上是无法提供救赎的。举个例子，你可能是一位医生或护士，这两种职业都需要必要且精熟的业务，但意义却不在于做出正确的诊断、准确地开刀，或者抽血和清理伤口。这些任务虽然重要，但不能满足人类精神上的需求。弗兰克说：“医学的艺术不在于医学手段，在于对病人说出合适的话老子用毛笔写下《道德经》（“天地不仁，以万物为刍狗”），它也很及时。希腊人如果没有夭折，几乎能和现代人活得一样长时，对于他们来说也很及时。当基督再临，指引我们天堂的方向，这很及时。即使两千年后，当尼采宣布上帝已死（“我们没感觉到宇宙空虚的气息吗？我们应如何安慰我们自己？”），它也丝毫没有不及时。当哲学家、数学家、社会活动家和坚定的无神论者伯特兰·罗素在他的自传里声称，意义包含三个方面：“爱，因为爱可以消除寂寞；知识，理论上知识让我们知道宇宙如何运转；同情心，同情心让我们听见落后苦难的世界里那些受迫害的人发出痛苦的呼喊。”此时，这个问题一样很及时。当《时代》周刊在它著名的1966年的封面上提醒我们上帝仍然死了时，它更是及时的。两年后，当《全球概览》呼应尼采一个世纪前的主张（“我们就像诸神一般，也很可能和他们做得一样好。”）时，这个问题，还是一如既往地及时。
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”报告指出，如果你在25岁时就知足常乐、情绪稳定，那么几十年后你依然会如此。确实有很多研究表明，在多种专业领域，人在四五十岁之间应该是最高产的十年。他们说，老年人在回首人生时，总是认 为四五十岁是他们一生中最值得回忆的篇章。另一项研究说“当人变老时，会变得刻板、古怪。这种偏见是站不住脚的”。我们对自己人生故事的感受如何，取决于整个人生过得怎么样，而不是具体的某一个阶段。但也出现了一些卖弄性别差异的研究。中年女性对“具有侵略性、自我为中心的冲动”会变得没那么内疚。关于时间，男人对于提醒他们要亲近家人、抚育后代的暗示变得��加包容了，他们也更愿意在这些事情上花时间。评估已有的成就，并尝试规划新目标的蓝图，这在男性中更加常见。为什么是男性？研究推测，女性在人生中更加自省，天性如此。言外之意，对于女性而言，发现自己的人生不是一帆风顺，不会像被猛地踢中下身那样感到突然和剧痛。
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萨默塞特·毛姆在一篇文章里写道：“无论精神还是肉体，衰老难以令人承受的不是机能的退化，而是记忆所带来的负担。”饶了我吧！脑海里的故事作者肯定会这么哭着喊道。让老人难以承受的是记忆的丧失。记忆的丧失就等于自我的丧失。无意冒犯圣罗耀拉的理论，但是基于格兰特研究的结果，若要一个七岁小男孩成长为还不错的大人，那么他需要的是一段温暖有爱的亲子关系。根据格兰特研究，与母亲关系融洽充满爱意的七岁小男孩，比没有母亲的孩子或者母亲较冷漠的孩子长大后更容易事业成功。与父亲关系融洽充满爱意的七岁小男孩，更不易受到焦虑症的困扰，且更容易享受晚年生活。但即使是在《不朽的自我：生命与时代》这本个人故事书的前几章中拥有温暖有爱的人际关系，也不能完全保证什么。哈佛研究的被试者中，很多人的故事是从一开始就注定好了的。许多人在童年时已经显现出“睡眠者效应”（sleeper effects）。有些人的“睡眠者效应”对故事产生了积极影响——记忆中的与启蒙老师的相遇或年轻时的甜蜜爱情等。
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父亲或母亲的去世，虽然有毁灭性的打击，但也可能是一段成长经历，或者是你的梦醒时刻，或者它会把人生故事变成不可逆转的噩梦。在那时候你还不知道这一点。那时我只知道，我们的家庭眨眼间就有了一个巨大的空洞，一个“上帝形状的空洞”，有些观点是这样认为的：我们需要一个像上帝一样高大、雄伟的轮廓，才能填补生命的空虚。在那件事发生之前，我没有意识到有这样一种空洞，在发生的时候也没有意识到。父亲的死是我开始考量生活的转折点。克里斯托弗·希钦斯在他的回忆录《希奇—22》（Hitch-22 ）里写道：“父亲的死为我们个人的终结打开了前景，提供了一片无阻碍的视野，让我们看到还没有被掘开但正等在那里的坟墓，它在跟我们说：‘下一个，轮到你了。’”
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著名的精神治疗法医生欧文·雅洛姆在《凝视太阳》一书中，描述了我们对死亡的恐惧在一生中是如何消长的。孩童时，当脑海里的故事作者刚开始涂写前几章时，我们“在落叶中，在死去的昆虫和宠物中，在消失不见的祖父母和无尽的墓地墓碑中……隐约瞥到死亡的微光”——而我们的父母不太愿意我们感受死亡的意义。直到青春期，我们才会对死亡进行进一步的思考。青春期之后呢——嗯，反正如今，任何时候、任何事都能和死亡产生联系：电子游戏、恐怖电影，所有东西都齐了。我的孩子们见识过各种灌输死亡概念的事物：死亡金属流行乐、死亡摇滚、死亡说唱。他们的音乐播放器里存储着一行行标示着死亡的音乐。有位自称死灵法师的主持人，他的播放列表里有Flatlinerz和Gravediggaz的歌。我那个年代听的歌里，《告诉萝拉我爱她》和《清纯天使》已经是最枯槁的流行乐了，但仍然让人听得毛骨悚然。我想可以这样下结论：我们那时候更单纯。
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叔本华写道：“我们在疯狂的世俗欲望里产生，在所有身体器官消亡、尸体陈腐发臭时结束。”他在哲学上永远如此阴暗。若人生如此空虚，又何苦书写人生故事呢？因为我们没有选择，这就是原因所在。即使生命不是应我们的要求而产生的，我们依然被迫手书着人生故事。我们注定必须这样做。这也是为什么从解剖学上看，头颅中有一个预留的小空间，留给某样东西或某个人，将记忆整理成章节再组成情节。这是否是有意为之的呢？除非我们想象的书里大多数页面都被填满了，否则我们无法确切了解人生是否有意义，幸运的话，距离填满它的日子不会很远。“让我们等待人生故事书的版面校样吧！”弗拉基米尔·纳博科夫在被问到人生的意义时如是说。

[Christina Gagliano · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this book, I was fully prepared to like this book--but the author just couldn't get out of his own way. He beat the whole "scribbler in your head" conceit to death and it became an annoyance rather than a helpful vehicle. The best thing I can say about this book is that reminded me to re-read Tolstoy's Confessions, which I suspect will be a lot more meaningful now, in middle age, than they were when I read them in college.

[Kavin Anand · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book and the perspective Lee brought to one of the central questions of life. What's the point of it all? Who am I and what am I doing on this planet? What's the purpose behind living my life? He asks these questions as a common theme that unites all of human experience, something that every man and woman across race and class and socioeconomic status and time have shared. It's the only question that matters he says.

The book describes an "inner writer," a scribbler who is fast piecing together your life. This scribbler seeks to create a story out of your experiences. And like any interesting story it has to have a hook of a beginning, a theme to have the character fight through the middle, and a resounding finish. He describes the difficulties of midlife crises as navigating the "elbow" and how many flounder trying to create a successful story through it all.

He talks about the importance of life that is ever-increasing in meaning, ensuring that the direction and growth is more critical than the absolute magnitude of meaning. How that is more important than chasing happiness.

He ends with the point being the journey. That's all there is to life. Creating a journey that you find meaningful. There's no other grander scheme or bigger ending. It's just trying to make each day meaningful and contributing to what you want your life story to be.

[सौरभ | ਸੌਰਭ | Saurabh · Rating 2 out of 5]

बड़ी विडम्बना है इस पुस्तक के नाम में। इस पुस्तक का नाम जिस दिशा में इंगित करता है उस दिशा की ओर लेखक कदम बढ़ाता है, घूम घूम के चक्कर काटता है, इधर उधर लोगों से बात करता है, प्रसिद्ध लोगों के द्वारा कही गयी बातों को उद्धृत करता है - मतलब दुनिया भर की बातें कर लेता है सिवाय उस दिशा में जाने के।

मालूम होता है लेखक ने बहुत अधिक पुस्तकें पढ़ ली हैं - विभिन्न विचार धाराओं से अवगत हो चुका है पर इस प्रक्रिया में लेखक स्वयं भ्रमित अवस्था में पहुँच चुका है। इन विचार धाराओं को, क़िस्सों को, व्याख्यानों को स्वतंत्र रूप से सुनने में अवश्य आनंद आता है पर वे पूर्ण रूप से एक माला में गुँथ नहीं पाए हैं। यूँ लगता है जैसे किसी भोजनालय में जाकर आप विभिन्न व्यंजनों के छोटे छोटे टुकड़े खा लें पर ना तो आपका पेट भरता है ना ही मन।

पुस्तक में से ही - "सबके अंदर एक लेखक होता है, कई बार उस लेखक को अंदर ही रहना चाहिए"

[William Mallory · Rating 3 out of 5]

What is the meaning of life? Lee Eisenberg uses that topic as the basis for this book but this is no scholarly text. This is written for the masses and features the author's own thoughts and asides on the subject of the stages of life and the little writer in our heads that creates the narrative of our life. I will say that the book was light on actual insight. He quotes numerous philosophers, poets and other writers to make his points but it is really the story of his own search, and personal anecdotes. It's fine for what it is. It is very readable and accessible and the quotes relevant. However there were so many pop culture references in the early parts that I almost gave up on it.

[Svetlana Kurilova · Rating 2 out of 5]

It probably was a bit too ambitious to find the answer to this crucial question. Many of us are searching for the meaning of our existence trying to understand what it the point of it all. This book covered a lot of ground but conclusions were blurry. I know there is no one truth for all but it would be interesting to find our what the author believes in. A lot of facts and examples but no clear conclusion from it all...

[Jen C · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved this audiobook very much. Read by the author so the emphasis is right on and his stories are engaging. Makes me want to look into other books he suggested. The book addresses the meaning of life in a very different way that is very uplifting while providing insight into the living of this life which ends up being very helpful.

[Michael · Rating 3 out of 5]

Decent book covering the life story concept. Too many stories leading up to a point. Could be edited.

[Rob · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some decent points and insights, but pretty repetitive really. Book could have been cut by half and had the same impact.

[Raymond Shen · Rating 2 out of 5]

it could be better

[Lindsey · Rating 2 out of 5]

At times I felt like I was getting deep knowledge, and to be sure it's well-researched, but ultimately I was just bored. About what I expected from a Dollar Tree book.

[Mayisha Ruiz · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading this book. It made me think really hard about what the point of life is…. I think everyone’s is different, but great insight into one-selves purpose.

[mike miller]

Very readable and cogent. I recommend it highly. Especially valuable is the bibliography.

Very readable and cogent. I recommended it highly. Especially valuable is the bibliography. The self disclosure kept my interest with his humor.

[John Rosenman · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Point Is . . . is a self-help book in the broadest and deepest sense of the term. It's not the kind of book I usually read, but at the recommendation of a friend, I decided to read what turned out to be a nonfiction gem. The book made me constantly examine and reevaluate my life, and recover buried memories and question my attitudes. This is no mean feat. Thousands of years ago, an inscription at Delphi read, KNOW THYSELF. What worthier goal could there be for a writer? To put it another way, Socrates reportedly said, "Not life but the good life is chiefly to be valued." This is what Eisenberg tries to help readers achieve.

He does more than that as well. Perhaps his chief thesis is a metaphor of a writer-in-residence within every individual who organizes his or her life in chapters and sections, high points and low ones. Do you believe that you have such an organizing force within you, a largely subconscious scribbler who gives shape to the seven or more seemingly shapeless decades of your life? If Eisenberg is right, then perhaps we are all writers in a sense. Eisenberg eventually makes solid recommendations as to what the Point or Points are in a good life and how to determine if you are living one. The book is also enriched by an Appendix containing questionnaires: The Meaning in Life Questionnaire, The Purpose in Life Test, and perhaps my favorite, The Death Attitude Profile-Revised. I took all three and the results were eye-opening.

I liked the deceptively casual, organic, and make-it-up-as-you-go-along structure and organization of this book. Whatever you do, readers, don't pass it up.

[Sridharan · Rating 5 out of 5]

A thought i was looking for. I was involved in the book. All my thoughts, aspirations and the questions about life, its usefulness, etc. etc. more or less coincided with the writers. but i visited the crematoriums only thrice so far. It sets one thinking about meaning about life. But i was not happy about the ending. It is drifting in the middle. I could not find a suitable conclusion to the questions posed. Of course there is no direct and straight answer. Also noticed, the author veered aways from religious views about life, after life, born again, sin, pay for your sins, etc.etc. i am happy about it. A book without too many references to religion and religious practices. Conclusion, time worth spend in reading and taking notes for reference.

[Karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

"The Point Is: Making Sense of Birth, Death, and Everything in Between," by Lee Eisenberg, came along in my life at a perfect time. I recently celebrated a birthday (#62) and had that little nagging thought about end-of-life, what-have-I-accomplished, what-to-do-next concerns. Mr. Eisenberg's little book gives thoughtful consideration to these and more questions along with personal anecdotes to help explain his various points. I checked this out at our local library but I think I shall purchase my own copy - helpful read, what could almost be called a fun read, and a very thoughtful read, a book I would like to have handy when questions arise.

[Julie]

Psychology, philosophy, soul searching, self adequacy, interpretation and what-if's. This book will certainly make you ask yourself a great deal of questions. We are the authors of our own life stories, what is the point of your story? We can try to make sense of our lives events but the profound (or non profound) impact they have is based on interpretation. Perhaps the point is simply what you make the point to be.
*I received an ARC via NetGalley & Twelve books in exchange for an honest review

[STEVE M DE ROSA · Rating 3 out of 5]

Another interesting way to look at life

[Patty · Rating 4 out of 5]

Breezy, insightful, enjoyable. Highly recommend to all my friends musing through these midlife years.

[Ann · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting hypothesis proposed and an easy read what with Eisenberg's sense of humor and writing style.

[Patrick · Rating 3 out of 5]

A genuinely useful conglomeration of insights and perspectives on the meaning of the search for meaning, strung together by the spine of an irritating narrator’s search for affirmation.