Toxic Friendships: Knowing the Rules and Dealing with the Friends Who Break Them

by Suzanne Degges-White, Judy Pochel Van Tieghem

Good friends and healthy friendships are crucial to women's well-being at every stage of life. But what happens when a friendship turns toxic? When a friend becomes hurtful or mistreats another? When a friend abandons another in a time of need? Here, Suzanne Degges-White and Judy Pochel Van Tieghem explore such toxic friendships and how women navigate the ups and downs, as well as how broken friendships can be mended and bad friendships ended.

Explaining and illustrating the "rules of friendship" at various stages of life, the authors reveal what it takes to be a good friend, how to identify bad friends, and how to move forward when friendships turn sour. Vignettes of toxic friendship behaviors are shared, as well as tips on how best to respond to these rule-breaking friends in order to rebuild damaged relationships and repair a friendship's foundation (when appropriate) and how to decide when it's time to let go of a relationship that is bringing you down versus keeping you afloat. Information for parents is also provided, to aid them as they help their daughters navigate their friendships.
We all need friends, but knowing when and how to let go can help us all be better friends--to ourselves, and also to others.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology, Relationships, Friendship

280 pages, Hardcover

First published June 11, 2015

Reviews

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great balance of practical psychology and real stories of women of all age groups managing friendship challenges. Over and over while reading the book, I thought about how valuable it would be to teach a class on these themes in middle school.

[Shannon · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good primer on friendship (both healthy and unhealthy). I like that it addressed different ages and stages of life, for both people who have children and don't. I also like that it talked about personality traits of good friends, and gave examples of both healthy and toxic behaviours. I finished reading it thinking I learned a couple ways in which I have been "toxic" or unhealthy with friends, also.

[Danielle · Rating 4 out of 5]

⭐⭐⭐⭐☆ Essential Guide for Navigating Friendship Drama
Rating: 4/5 stars
Degges-White and Van Tieghem tackle the friendship issues we all recognize but rarely discuss openly. The book goes beyond typical "mean girl" stereotypes to address real toxic behaviors in environments like the office and children's athletic teams.
What Really Hit Home

The most valuable parts were the specific scenarios that felt painfully familiar:

The Soccer Mom Drama: The authors explore toxic dynamics on soccer fields and in carpool situations - those competitive parent friendships where someone always tries to one-up others or creates cliques that exclude certain families.

Workplace Friend Boundaries: The office friendship section was eye-opening about colleagues who gossip, take credit, or become overly possessive of your time and loyalty.
The Criticism Problem: One of their key rules is "Criticism is Not Okay" - they show how friends who constantly nitpick your choices, appearance, or decisions under the guise of "being honest" are actually being toxic.

Jealousy Red Flags: The "Jealousy is Not Okay" chapter helped me recognize friends who couldn't celebrate my successes or always had to compete rather than support.

The Helpful Advice
The authors provide clear guidelines for when relationships are salvageable versus when it's time to let go. The book also prompted honest self-reflection about ways I had been "toxic" in friendships too, which was uncomfortable but necessary.

Their practical approach to setting boundaries and "gracefully exiting" relationships when needed gave me actual tools instead of just vague encouragement.
Bottom Line: A practical, no-nonsense guide that treats friendship with the seriousness it deserves. Perfect for anyone tired of draining relationships or wondering if they're overreacting to friendship red flags.

[Cindy · Rating 2 out of 5]

It was boring and I wouldn’t recommend it.

[Paulette · Rating 5 out of 5]

Practical and helpful. Not just theory, but real advice.

[Angela · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a great book that I listened to the audiobook. Gives lots of practical advice on how to look at your friendships and evaluate those that may not serve you anymore. It also offers some tips on self reflection as well. The only thing I didn't like, is the author seemed a bit judgy and religious at times. A wonderful book for all ages of women that have friends, in fact, there are tips divided up by age and stages of life.

[Justine · Rating 3 out of 5]

DNF

[Mills College Library]

158.25082 D3178 2015