We Believe You: Survivors of Campus Sexual Assault Speak Out

by Annie E. Clark, Andrea L. Pino

From young activists at the forefront of the movement to end sexual assault on college campuses, a collection of survivor stories that will connect with students and inform and inspire us all

Across the U.S. student activists are exposing a pervasive cover-up of sexual violence on college campuses. Every day more survivors come forward. But other survivors choose not to. We Believe You elevates the stories the headlines about this issue have been missing--more than 30 experiences of trauma, healing and everyday activism, representing a diversity of races, economic and family backgrounds, gender identities, immigration statuses, interests, capacities and loves.

More than 1 in 5 women and 5 percent of men are sexually assaulted at college, a shocking status quo that might have stayed largely hidden and unaddressed but for the two authors of We Believe You. In 2013, Annie E. Clark and Andrea L. Pino, then 23 and 20, building on the work of earlier activists, outed themselves as assault survivors and filed a federal complaint against the University of North Carolina (Chapel Hill) for mishandling such crimes; within a month, the U.S. government began to investigate UNC. Within a year, dozens of colleges were under federal investigation.

But Clark and Pino rightly see themselves as two among many. Students from every kind of college and university--large and small, public and private, highly selective and less so?are sounding alarms and staking claims to justice by filing complaints, by pressing charges, and by simply living beyond the effects of assault and the betrayals of their schools. A sampling of their voices speak out in this book.

Genres: Nonfiction, Feminism, Memoir, Gender, Essays, Psychology, Social Work

368 pages, Paperback

First published April 12, 2016

About the author

Annie E. Clark is a co-founder of End Rape on Campus, and a lead complainant in the Title IX and Clery complaints against the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, where she graduated Phi Beta Kappa with a B.A. in Political Science. She has a certificate in business, and is a former administrator at the University of Oregon. She is a contributing writer to the Huffington Post, MSNBC, and The Chronicle of Higher Education’s Vitae. After directly working with New York Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand, she helped write the bipartisan Campus Accountability and Safety Act. In 2013, she was listed alongside President Barack Obama as one of the most influential forces in higher education, and she is featured in the campus sexual assault documentary The Hunting Ground.

Reviews

[El · Rating 4 out of 5]

For a while now I've been yelling about the documentary, The Hunting Ground, which I watched recently. Some people are probably sick of hearing me talk about it, but I can't get over how important that documentary is, and should be seen by everyone, especially those who deny that rapes and sexual assaults occur on American college and university campuses ridiculously frequently. "Not on my campus." Yeah, think again. Your campus may not be sharing the exact number of complaints as many of them are not processed appropriately, students are encouraged to drop the issue against their perpetrators, etc. etc. It's financial, a lot of the time - frat houses are rarely punished because so much money comes in from alumni; students in the athletic departments are rarely punished because athletes are on superhero level, and also MONEY. A lot of money comes from athletics.

And then someone I know here on Goodreads marked this book as To-Read, and I recognized the authors' names. They are featured in The Hunting Ground and I was amazed at how much time and effort they have put into fighting their own cases and then turning around and being incredible advocates for others who have been through similar circumstances. I had to read this book

I will say up front (or, well, three paragraphs in, anyway) that this is not always an easy read. If sexual abuse/assault/rape/trauma is a trigger for you, you need to be aware of that before going in. These are first-person accounts of their own experiences, both male and female, and many are very direct in discussing what happened to them. Not an easy read - but an eye-opening read nonetheless, and I even consider myself to be relatively educated on topics such as these.

You can throw around statistics all day long: 1 in 5 females are sexually assaulted during their enrollment in college or university; 1 in 6 males experience unwanted sexual encounters before the age of 18; etc. etc.

Numbers are fine and good and important because some feel that gives a level of validity and veracity to what is happening, and it also allows one to feel secure in that these are just numbers, it's not personal, it's just math.

This book gives voices to so many, and sadly, it's a small amount of the numbers. Here we have 36 stories, which is great, but in the great scheme of things, that's a depressingly low number. Again, numbers. But their voices are all important, and with documentaries such as The Hunting Ground and books such as We Believe You, we are finally allowing people to step forward to share their experiences, not just the assault itself, but the horrible follow-up that involves their institutions not prepared for how to handle these kinds of accusations. Again, it's about money - if kids are scared because a school has a reputation, they're not likely going to enroll there. So, shove those stories under the rug, pretend it didn't happen, make it so fucking difficult for students to step forward, and then hope that they will leave the school before you have to actually take any real action.

It's a fucking mess.

And the more people become aware of this problem, the more resources will become available. It's a long road, but I am encouraged that many are using their voices more and more as time goes by.

This was a timely read, as well. Last night a friend on Facebook posted a statistics meme which was more about the transgender issue in regards to public bathrooms, but included this statistic: "15% of all college girls are raped in their freshman year by heterosexual men." I happened to quickly eyeball the comments on this friend's post, and one friend of hers... holy shit. So he started by questioning that statistic, to which my friend responded that college can be scary. I read the exchange between them and I truly believe this friend of hers meant... "well", but it was disturbing in that a) he didn't realize this was a problem (because a lot of people, especially men, do not, I think because ignorance is bliss) and b) he doesn't understand then why women go to college at all. And I quote: "How can you recommend any women go to college when there's a 15% chance they'll be raped????"

Oh, my.

As a woman, I should never be afraid to go to school, no matter what. That is the backwards thinking in this society that gets a lot of attention and then soon we have someone like Donald Trump in the presidential race and actually fucking doing well.

The exchange continued, one or two other people spoke up, and this same person was asked what the alternative should be then if women shouldn't go to college to avoid being raped. His response was "Online college?"

I would have liked to see more communication on this topic, but my friend ultimately said she would PM him some additional details, and I'm sure the exchange ended there anyway, because no one really wants to talk about a lot of these problems. But can we for one moment recognize the fact that a youngish man (according to his FB profile picture, anyway) is suggesting that online college might be a better alternative for women since college/university can be so dangerous for them? In 2016, this was a possibly very serious suggestion? Instead of dealing with the problem of those that do the actually assaulting and raping, let's just have the women get their educations online where they'll be "safe"... so then let's also ignore the fact that there's really no safety anywhere.

Some are not safe at home with their families. Some are not safe at home with their partner. Some are not safe at home alone in an apartment down the hall from a sexual predator. Some are not safe at home going to the grocery store and being stalked throughout the aisles. Some are not safe on the sidewalks in their own neighborhood because they get whistled at, "complimented", followed, harassed.

What's the next suggestion? Lock women up so they can't go anywhere, to ensure they are "safe"?

And again, this is not entirely just a problem for women. Boys and men are also attacked. They also have voices. But we as a society like to say things like "It's not rape if it happens to a guy - they like it."

Yes, these topics make me mad. Yes, comments like that on a friend's FB post which may seem innocent to himself and others make me furious. Yes, I get riled up about things that affect so many people. Yes, I have strong feelings about these issues and many others.

No, I won't be quiet about it.

And I believe you.

[Melania 🍒 · Rating 4 out of 5]

3,85/5

It’s always uncomfortable to rate something as personal as We Believe You is. Just to be clear I don’t want to diminish in any way the importance of this book. Public attention in this directions is long overdue.
I’ll admit it’s hard to wrap my head around how some people are still confused about the concept of consent. I’m still baffled how the lives of everybody else are put above the lives of the victims.
This confession book is raw and inclusive and heartbreaking and it’s extremely important .I know it’s so much easier to hide our heads in the sand but life’s complex and ugly like this. For all the young girls and boys out there preparing to start college, please be aware and stay safe ‘cause people that have the power to hurt you are still not learning that rape and assault are bad and everybody else around are ready to excuse their mistakes. ‘Cause the institutions and the system will not be there for you

[Elizabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. This book needs to be read by everyone. I knew that rape happened on campuses, especially with the whole Brock Turner thing going on. And I knew it probably happened all the time, but I honestly thought it was dealt with in the way that rape is dealt with NOT on campus. But apparently it's NOT. Campuses do not like having to deal with it, and usually find ways to make the victim at fault. The majority of the time, the person assaulted has to see their assaulter on campus all the way through graduation.

This book shows every side of rape on campus. It is broken up into parts. The first part is just introducing the victims, whether it be by actual name or by Anonymous. It just talks about how they grew up, why they chose the college they did.. and the next part is the actual stories of the assaults. They are so hard to read, and it's so crazy referring back to their simple introductions and seeing how someone who was so hopeful and excited to start anew on campus, took SUCH a turn for a worse. This book then also has parts of them growing from the assault, the advocacy that they've done, and how their lives have been since. This book just needed to be made, and I think everyone should educate themselves on this, and I think schools should be teaching what consent is because clearly people are leaving high school not knowing that sex should always be consensual. I have mad respect for everyone in this book, and my heart is heavy for everyone who has been a victim of campus sexual assault.

This book has poems compiled of lines that the girls are said in their chapters in the book, and the poems all turned out so beautifully hearing all the victims' voices all together.

[Kris (My Novelesque Life) · Rating 4 out of 5]

It is terrifying and sickening how many sexual assaults are being hidden by post secondary institutions. They are not only misreporting sexual assault stats, but they are discouraging women to not pursue justice AND treating them like offenders and essentially assaulting them again. While I was attending an university I felt safe and made it through my education without any incidents. Yay me. The only thing that separates me from those who were assaulted is just luck. There is nothing they did that put them in harms way but existing and being a female. I think it is important for everyone to believe in those women that report rape. We need to listen and demand justice...some consequence that prohibits this behaviour further. If no one else, we women need to stand up/by/for women.

I highly recommend We Believe You: Survivors of Campus Sexual Assault Speak Out by Annie E. Clark and Andrea Pino. In this book they share their stories along with many other survivors. They share stories of being happy students attending their dream school and having those schools treat them horribly when they are raped by other students. It's difficult to read at times as you go through so many emotions. I think it is important for women and parents of daughters to read.

Coincidentally, I picked up Allison Leotta's newest Anna Curtis novel, The Last Good Girl, and it involved campus sexual assaults. Reading this novel in the middle of reading We Believe You just heightened my anger and sadness. The way schools react to anyone who stands up against their rapists or stand with the victim is the worst part of the situation. There is more information on how to defend yourself against sexual assault accusations instead of what to do when you are a victim of rape.

#itsnevertherapevictimsfault

[Lesley · Rating 5 out of 5]

This wasn't a book I read in one night, I guess I could've but just took in a few pages at a time! This is powerful, sad and what can happen in one night will affect people for a lifetime! I want this book for my office! I want to hand out this book to victims of sexual assault. Shameful we have to read these stories!

[Elizabeth Kennedy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wish this book was better organized. Each person having their own chapter would have been easier to follow rather than splitting the stories up to where I had to flip back and forth to remember who was who.

[marisa pérez serrano · Rating 4 out of 5]

“It’s comforting to read survivor narratives and think, ‘What happened was awful, but look how they grew from that experience!' However, the harsh reality is that violence shouldn't be romanticized, and that courage isn't necessarily bestowed by it.”

[John Foubert · Rating 4 out of 5]

"As a program developer, activist, author, professor, and nonprofit President, I've been educating college students about sexual violence since 1993. I've read legions of books on the topic. None is able to match the depth of so many life narratives in such a gripping way as We Believe You. At first, I was struck by the high quality of the writing. Soon after, I was captured by the deeply authentic way each of the life experiences was described by so many who experienced rape on a college campus. Clark & Pino did a brilliant job integrating the real life stories of many survivors, told separately but woven together through the timeline of each stage of the life stories that were not of their own choice, but became their strength. Many struggle mightily to understand why women, and men, 'get raped.' We Believe You teaches those who blame the victim that what happens is the full responsibility of perpetrators. It also will find deep resonance as survivors who read it hear parts of their own experience lived out by others. I have no doubt that there are thousands of survivors who will read this book and find a path to heal through the words of those who have come before them. I also believe there will be thousands fewer of them, as a result of this book and the other work of Clark and Pino, who together have done more for the movement to end sexual violence than anyone in this millennium. I will be recommending this book, highly, to people worldwide who need to read this book. We Believe You is a major contribution to our collective understanding of humanity, its deepest valleys, and the resilience of so many. Thank you, Annie & Andrea, for putting together such an important, heartfelt, and timely book!"

John D. Foubert, Ph.D.
National President, One in Four
Professor of Higher Education and Student Affairs, Oklahoma State University

[Carina · Rating 4 out of 5]

"We Believe You" chronicles the experiences of 36 victims of sexual assault on and around college campuses. The book is structured so that you learn about the student (both male and female) before and after the assault. It also includes a list of college campuses where sexual violence has been reported--it is important to note, however, that many colleges and universities are not on the list even though there are alleged cases. It's the kind of book that should be in high school libraries and classrooms.

I received an advance copy of this book from Goodreads last week. This Tuesday (before I had even finished reading it) I gave a book talk about "We Believe You" to my high school junior classes. I've rarely seen my students more excited about a book. Several students (both boys and girls) immediately wanted to read it! I'm sure that this is one of the books that's going to be a talking point for my students for the remainder of the school year. It's very important for college-bound high school students to be aware of what awaits them on campus. I'm sure that this book will be eyeopening for my students. As I told them about the book, they started calling out the names of their favorite universities to see if there were cases at that school. When I couldn't tell them for sure, they did research on the colleges. There is nothing that makes me happier than a book that gets my students excited, involved, and curious!

[Tory · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the most important books I've read in a while.

[Liz VanDerwerken · Rating 5 out of 5]

A sobering, difficult, but important read. I read this book as part of a book club with friends of friends on Twitter (at the choice of a book club member who learned of it through an Instagram post by Brie Larson). It was a timely choice for this book club, what with the ongoing relevancy of issues relating to sexual violence on college campuses and the pervasive rape culture of our society—recent headlines drawing attention to the leniency of Brock Turner's sentencing & white male privilege, Title IX policy reform at BYU, and appalling media attention surrounding the sexual assaults and braggadocio of Donald Trump. I admire the authors and contributors, whose courage has had to extend far beyond the limits of their own traumatic experience to the effects of their speaking up and speaking out. The title of this collection, "We Believe You," speaks to the necessity for reform in the treatment of victims—that we need to support and speak for them and believe their stories. Several contributors touched on the paradoxical treatment of victims of sexual assault, who are treated by the law and the public as 'guilty until proven innocent,'—sad but true. The authors also made representation an important quality in this collection, sharing the experiences of many contributors across socioeconomic, racial, gender, and gender identity groups. They acknowledged the limits of their book (a lack of representation of Native voices, which they include in statistics but not experience, though they hope and plan to invite and include in their ongoing work) and discuss the vital aspect of intersectionality in this type of activism. This is a powerful collection and a great starting point for activists of any caliber or readiness.

[Kelsey Dorman · Rating 5 out of 5]

If I could give this more than five stars, I would

[Amber Hathaway · Rating 5 out of 5]

We Believe You: Survivors of Campus Sexual Assault Speak Out, edited by Annie E. Clark and Andrea L. Pino, gives voice to survivors of campus sexual violence. Including the stories of survivors of various genders, races, sexual orientations, social classes, and religious backgrounds, this book gives voice to folks often left out of sexual assault narratives.

The book is divided into five sections: Before, How it Happened, Trauma and Betrayal, Healing and Everyday Activism, and Declarations of Independence. Through these sections, the book walks you through survivors’ journeys, starting with how they were when they started college, and showing how their assault changed the trajectories of their lives.

This book is an incredible resource and I highly recommend it. For too long, our sexual assault conversations have centered around only the cases with survivors who fall close to our cultural narrative of the “perfect” victim. Sexual assault is often messier than this caricature allows. Survivors drink. Survivors wear cute clothes. Survivors freeze during the assault. Survivors let their guard down, because their assailant is a trusted friend. Survivors are POC, queer, trans, poor, or disabled. What this book makes clear is that every survivor is worthy of respect and dignity, and no one is “asking” to be assaulted.

Some of the authors do talk in detail about their sexual assaults and the resulting trauma, so it could be triggering for some. Chapters 2 and 3 were especially challenging for me to get through, and elevated my anxiety levels. But for folks who are okay with this sort of content, I would definitely recommend checking it out.

[Twofrontteethstillcrooked · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read for Bystander Intervention college course. An easy-yet-hard book to read from a variety of voices. Not all of this writing in and of itself worked for me, but of course it doesn't have to -- I believe these narratives were written from honest places, and that's enough.

[Jodie Rose · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although shocking and often hard to read, the book is incredibly eye opening to the affects of sexual assault on survivors and is a must read for all to combat the stigma behind being a rape survivor and to prevent future attacks from taking place. The book encourages activism and empowers many to do something about the issue as it's important that we all take some time to educate ourselves on sexual assault. #internationalwomensday

[E.S. · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book made me physically sick, which is not to say that the book wasn't good. The book was amazing, if such a word could be applied to something with such tragic and awful content. I had to close the book for a moment after reading about one survivor who was gang raped. I am one of the lucky women who has never been sexually assaulted or raped, although I do know survivors. I can't imagine the recovery process for something like this and the PTSD experienced by survivors. I was so happy when I saw this book on the shelves of my library and my first thought was: YES. The world needed a book like this! As a society, we must do our best to not blame victims for something that is out of their control. It's wrong to assume that because a girl's skirt was too short, it's "understandable" that she was raped. A woman should be able to walk down the street NAKED and not be assaulted. If certain men "can't control it" or "are distracted" then perhaps they need to go to therapy. The excuse "boys will be boys" needs to stop being used because it just gives them a reason to act like animals. As a society, we need to stop telling men that they're not allowed to be emotional as well as stop telling women how to dress. It's unfortunate that some people believe that both trans people and men cannot be raped. What sense does that make? Any person can be sexually assaulted or raped, and that's the first step to stopping rape culture. Understand that people are raped and it happens to all different kinds of people. We need to stop treating survivors as if they are the boy who cried wolf--that just makes it harder for them to accept and move on from what's happened to them. People need to be supported so come on, people, let's support victims and quit sympathizing with the rapists and assailants because "their lives will be over" or "he's just so young" or "he/she is a good person so they obviously couldn't have done that" or "they were drunk--they didn't know what they were doing." NO. Stop doing that! What about the victim? What about the fact that their entire BEING was just violated? How do you think that will affect their lives?

I'm going to end my rant here because I could probably write a 5 page review of this book. I do agree with some of the other reviewers that the editing was sometimes a little strange, but the content of the book itself is something that literally everybody needs to read. I especially liked the resources at the end and will definitely be referring people to these if need be and I have marked my calendar so that I know that April is sexual assault awareness month! I hope that one day I will live in a society that doesn't support the rape culture of today and I hope that I can help make this change happen.

[Kate]

"Being a Survivor is being part of a club that nobody wants to join. But once you're in it you're in it for life. And it's the strongest group of people you could ever imagine."
-Julia D.

This was a hard read. The subject matter isnt light. It is about sexual assaults on campus. In This book students from all different colleges and universities, public and private share their experiences of trauma and healing and activism. These stories are told from students of different races, different family backgrounds, it's very diverse and a very very hard read.

A book of this subject matter I honestly can't rate in a matter of stars. It was a good read but a hard read. The student stories we're so vivid. This would be a very hard read for anybody that's been through any kind of sexual assault.
I appreciate these student telling their stories because I think books like this are important. And if you can handle it they are definitely worth reading.
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[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Everything that was missing from Missoula, which I read earlier this year. Focuses on differences in LGTBQ and POC, especially black women, survivors, and how society shames their rapes in different and often worse ways than those of white survivors. While Missoula was a good book and I do recommend it, Missoula focused on the privileges athletes are afforded on college campuses. We Believe You does include narratives along the same lines, but the stories are varied, similar and different, showing how rape happens on campus in so many alarming ways. Between friends, between strangers, between roommates. Athletes and non-athletes. It depicts a cultural problem, and the stunning aftermath of inept and uninformed administrations. These are personal accounts written by survivors and the stories are much more powerful. There are stories from young women, older women, men, transgender people, and POCs, not just black, but asian and latino. Highly recommended.

[Robyn Latchford · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've read a lot of books about rape - the psychology of perpetrators, rape culture in society, as well as survivor-centric healing from trauma books. However, this book helped me heal quite a bit. While my own story is very unique, I still found ways I could relate to the stories of the survivors told in this book. I appreciated the words of truth and the ways they regained their sense of power and found peace and healing. It's a very authentic book and less academic than ones I've read before - and I liked that.

[Zenaida Lo · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an important book! ...Made by strong woman who survived such horrible acts. So sad that movies, books, and activists are what get people to "wake up" to the reality of what's really going out there.

[Eric · Rating 5 out of 5]

Required reading.

[Claudie · Rating 2 out of 5]

dnf, it would have been a lot better if each survivor had their own chapter instead of spreading their stories across the whole book. Plus, it becomes quite repetitive.

[Chris Mitchell · Rating 4 out of 5]

We Believe You: Survivors of Campus Sexual Assault Speak Out may discuss a difficult topic for readers, but an important topic that everyone – both male and female - needs to be aware of in today’s #MeToo movement.
The authors, Annie E. Clark and Andrea L Pino, both victims of sexual assault during their college years and founder of EROC – End Rape On Campus (https://endrapeoncampus.org/) interview and collect the stories of 34 victims of sexual assault and rape while attending college and hare their stories in their book.
The book is devised into sections. Each section has a purpose. There are sections that share each survivor’s life before the assault/rape, each survivors assault/rape experience, their experience when they reported their assault to campus authorities and/or law enforcement, how each survivor’s life has been impacted by the assault, and what each survivor is doing to help reclaim their life afterwards,
At first, I feared that dividing the book into sections would make it difficult to follow each survivors story from start to finish. Although I would have found it easier to read if the book would have been 34 chapters with each chapter focusing in on one survivors’ full story, the book did flow nicely.
Both the authors and some of the survivors in the book claim that 1 in 4 women will be sexually assaulted on college campuses. I use the word “claim” as I did not notice a source for that statistic in the book. That statisic is sobering enough to illuminate the seriousness of the problem on college campuses, yet the book went further. It also claims that 1in 6 men will be victims of sexual assault on college campuses.
As the stories demonstrate, sexual assault does not discriminate. Survivors are both male and female, they come in all races, ethnicities and sexual orientations. There are stores from minorities in this book along with gay/lesbians and transgender survivors of sexual assault.
I will agree that depending on the college you attend; survivors of sexual assaults and rape will experience a wide range of response and empathy from the college when reporting the assault. I felt the authors had an “Agenda” to criticize colleges who need to improve their response to sexual assaults by naming the colleges who have fallen short.
Every survivors story was both disturbing and inspiring to me. The sexual assaults and rape the survivors endured along with the lifelong trauma many live with are troubling, but how these survivors are reclaiming their lives and moving forward (many becoming advocates and activists to change the world and end rapes on campus) is inspiring.
The book also contains valuable information on where to find resources to hep survivors of sexual assault, including how to file a complaint with the college and law enforcement, a survivor’s rights, support resources and more.
This book is a better resource for survivors of sexual assault or rape than empowering college student on how to avoid being sexually assaulted or raped. I fear, if not believe, it might cause some current and incoming college students and parents fear about sending their child off to college.
Be warned. The book is intended for high school seniors and older. The book does contain some profanity (not for shock value) and description of violence and sex.

[Kris · Rating 5 out of 5]

Okay, I have a lot to say.

First, I don't agree with the way the book is organized but it is such an important topic and has good things to say so I do not let that affect my rating of the book. I wish each person's story was in it's own section because
1. They ran together and it was hard to remember who was who and I don't believe these people deserve to have their stories fade into one large narrative. I want to hear their voices. Collective voices are powerful, but that isn't why I picked up this book.
2. It is difficult that a lot of the encouraging parts of the stories (not that every story ends encouraging - or should but this applies for those that do) are all the way at the end, whereas if they were individual chapters it wouldn't be like that. It was very difficult for me to get through section after section of only assault stories and flashbacks and no one being believed.
Another problem was that the writing styles pretty much always sounded like Annie and Andrea (who I remember from The Hunting Ground) documentary. I want to hear the survivor's voices!!!

Okay now onto my next point about the book! A lot of the reviews I saw jumped to claims about how every single person in the world should read this and I would like to take a different stance. If you are not ready to read this because you or a loved one has been through an assault, because your child is in college and this will freak you out big time, because you recently enrolled in university and aren't ready to burst your bubble of feeling safe, etc., please don't start with this book. If you need therapy, this book is not therapy! If you are ready to dip your toes in this topic, DO NOT start here! Reading survivor stories is hard, like really hard. Maybe watch a Ted Talk or read an article. Something short. Maybe something more scientific so it's slightly less gut wrenching.

Alright, now I'll say what I do like. I like that the stories are sooooo varied. There is more variety of course in all of the survivors of campus sexual assaults, but this is just one book and it is a huge thing. There are straight people and gay people, white people and people of color, women and men, people who knew the perpetrators and people who didn't, survivors who told people and survivors who remain anonymous, I could go on.

I won't ruin the best parts of the book for y'all, but there is this feature throughout called "A Chorus" which I really liked. They are each titled something such as "Relationships After" or "The Attacker" and it takes lines from the stories throughout which reference the topic. It is amazing to see the common threads as well as the great variety throughout the stories in these single pieces.

I wanted to write down every line that touched my heart while reading, but I think I ended up almost rewriting the book in my notebook so despite my criticisms of parts of the organization and style, this book is powerful and it really hit me.

[Kimberly · Rating 3 out of 5]

This work was published right before I graduated from high school. It does feel in some ways a little dated to read now, almost ten years later when I look at the dates (2013 and 2015 is mentioned a lot), but sadly sexual violence is still prevalent today, so it’s still such a relevant work that honestly tells people’s experiences.

This is not to throw down the book’s subject matter, but I had a hard time following this work’s trajectory. Maybe it’s because I read this as an ebook and formatting gets all messed up, but the way they described the survivors' stories was difficult for me to follow.

I did appreciate that the book specifically focused on college campus-related sexual violence and gave insight into people's experiences in terms of the sexual assault, the reporting/non-reporting through the college campus or the police department, and the aftermath (including court, making the news, relationally, activism, and career-wise). There was discussion about Title IX and campus laws regarding reporting assaults, and a lot of that was new to me. They covered a variety of stories - from on-campus rapes to off-campus assaults, strangers and friends, graduating or dropping out, choosing activist work after college, etc. The book has resources at the end and an extensive glossary of terms. The book also acknowledges that Native voices are not represented in the stories shared, and seeks to do better - there were some mentions of Asian/Black women representation, and a bit of bisexual discussion, but there does seem to be voices of color and different sexualities/gender expressions missing.

The book does a good job of reminding survivors that there are many ways to process what happened to them, but that they are believed and seen and loved.

[David · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am a middle aged man, so I guess I am not in the intended audience for this book. However, it was thought provoking. As a society, if folks celebrate forcing sex on those who don't want it, we are indeed doomed. No means no...that should be evident. And my Alma matter was mentioned for having possible Title IV violations-troublesome indeed.

However, some things troubled me in this book, particularly with those who contributed.
(1) One respondent, when "attacked" said over and over "This isn't a good idea". While maybe her "attacker" could have held off, that doesn't particularly sound like an emphatic "NO"
(2) Another person in the book mentioned to her friend that she wanted to go home with some giy., But when she got there, her intention was to "just watch TV with the guy and then fall asleep". Yes-no means no-but why we should put herself in that position?
(3) The end of the book says consent can only be given if one isn't intoxicated. In 20+ years of dating, sex was initiated primary after drinking PROBABLY all of the time - that's sort of how life goes-pleasures are combined. I am not physically imposing enough to force someone to have sex (and would never think of it anyway) but could I be accused of rape?
(4) Tips and resources are given at the end for victims. What about entering college freshmen? Other then staying sober and locking their doors, what tips could the victims give to avoid their fate? It would have been nice for recommendations

Overall, a decent read with a few issues

[Lisa-Jaine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredibly powerful, intense, heartbreaking, educational, motivational.... words cannot describe the importance of this book. Although I'm not American and have not been to University, the overlying message is that rape can happen to anyone, anywhere. This should be important part of the curriculum at schools. Even in 2018 we still blame victims .... she shouldn't have drank alcohol, she should not have been wearing that dress, she should have been home before dark etc... It is infuriating.... the answer? teach girls how to prevent rape.... NO, NO, NO... Teach men about respect, consent and equality. My heart goes out to all the victims of rape featured within the book and also those who are not featured. #Survivor

[Katie Stoddard · Rating 5 out of 5]

A guy that I knew from college had made a Facebook post about this book saying something along the lines of it was a very good book to read but it was hard to get through because of the subject matter. I figured I would read the book and I agree. It's a hard book to get though but it something that I would suggest for people to read. I know numerous people who were sexually assaulted in college and were disappointed with how the school handled the situation. This book definitely is a good book to read.

[Caroline David · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book truly shook me to my core, especially when two of the stories mentioned happened in my home state of North Carolina. I couldn't stop reading. Not because I loved what I was reading but because I felt I owed it to the writers to read every single word they typed. Their stories aren't uncommon and that's what's terrifying. This isn't some book about how all boys are evil. This is the story of men and women alike who have suffered such extreme violence and how the systems put in place to protect victims actually failed many of them.

[Galana C BF · Rating 5 out of 5]

It took me almost a full year to read this book but not because of the writing. It has been difficult to work with victim/survivors of sexual assault and also read these stories of pain but also perseverance and advocacy. It’s an excellent read and I highly suggest it. It’s just hard to get through due to the emotional nature of the topic. I’m grateful to these two women for putting these stories in one book and sharing their own journeys with us. I’ll continue using this book when working with victim/survivors or working with counseling trainees.