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Kumquat
Librarian's Note: this is an alternate cover edition - ASIN: B00LFW9MR4
"Strand creates two endearing characters and infuses their relationship with an unexpected depth, humanity and tenderness, while managing to keep it grounded in reality with wicked humor." -- Examiner.com
From the "wickedly funny" Jeff Strand (says Publishers Weekly) comes a comedy about love, death, hot dogs, TV, and obscure fruit.
Thirty-five-year-old introvert Todd Bryan hasn't really done much with his life, and he's okay with that. Until, at a painfully bad film festival, he meets Amy Husk. She's attractive. She's funny. She's quirky. And...she has an inoperable brain aneurysm and not much time to live. She may not even make it to the long-awaited final episode of EXIT RED, the Greatest. Show. Ever.
She convinces him that they should do something crazy and frivolous. And suddenly Todd, a guy who doesn't do spontaneity, is on an insane road trip from Florida to Rhode Island with a woman he barely knows, just to visit a really cool hot dog place.
Many things will go wrong. But, hey, many things will go right, too. There's a hook-handed hitchhiker and some property destruction. Maybe some sex. A kumquat will probably be relevant at some point, although not during the sex (if there is any).
A laugh-out-loud comedy, a touching love story, and a cross-country adventure, KUMQUAT is a story about making the most out of the time you've got.
If that doesn't interest you, there's also a gummi bear tractor.
"Strand creates two endearing characters and infuses their relationship with an unexpected depth, humanity and tenderness, while managing to keep it grounded in reality with wicked humor." -- Examiner.com
From the "wickedly funny" Jeff Strand (says Publishers Weekly) comes a comedy about love, death, hot dogs, TV, and obscure fruit.
Thirty-five-year-old introvert Todd Bryan hasn't really done much with his life, and he's okay with that. Until, at a painfully bad film festival, he meets Amy Husk. She's attractive. She's funny. She's quirky. And...she has an inoperable brain aneurysm and not much time to live. She may not even make it to the long-awaited final episode of EXIT RED, the Greatest. Show. Ever.
She convinces him that they should do something crazy and frivolous. And suddenly Todd, a guy who doesn't do spontaneity, is on an insane road trip from Florida to Rhode Island with a woman he barely knows, just to visit a really cool hot dog place.
Many things will go wrong. But, hey, many things will go right, too. There's a hook-handed hitchhiker and some property destruction. Maybe some sex. A kumquat will probably be relevant at some point, although not during the sex (if there is any).
A laugh-out-loud comedy, a touching love story, and a cross-country adventure, KUMQUAT is a story about making the most out of the time you've got.
If that doesn't interest you, there's also a gummi bear tractor.
249 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2014
75 people are currently reading
1065 people want to read
About the author
Jeff Strand
229 books2,210 followersBram Stoker Award-winning author of a bunch of demented books, including PRESSURE, DWELLER, CLOWNS VS. SPIDERS, AUTUMN BLEEDS INTO WINTER, MY PRETTIES, the official novelization of ATTACK OF THE KILLER TOMATOES, and lots of others!
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 179 reviews
December 29, 2015
Beta-male Todd Bryan meets the girl of his dreams, Amy Husk, who shares his obsession with Exit Red, a long running television show. Turns out Amy has an inoperable brain aneurysm and not much of a shelf life left. Together, they go on a road trip to Rhode Island for a hot dog and much much more...
This is the twenty-sixth book in my Kindle Unlimited Experiment. For the 30 day trial, I'm only reading books that are part of the program and keeping track what the total cost of the books would have been.
So, that Jeff Strand is one smooth sea otter. "How smooth?" several of you ask. He's so smooth he got me to read something that some might consider to be a romance novel. I wouldn't say it's a romance, however. It reminds me of that Zach Braff flick The Garden State, only good instead of fairly boring.
Kumquat is about the relationship between two people who know they don't have a whole lot of time together. They go on a road trip, have a series of misadventures, and wind up at a sci-fi convention for a purpose I will not divulge here.
Strand and I both ventured outside our comfort zone for this one but not too far afield. You can still see our respective comfort zones in the distance. Strand's trademark dark humor is present, only without the gore or horror, although I suppose if you wanted to nitpick, you could say Amy's impending doom gives it a horror element. Stop picking nits, though! What are we, chimps?
The story is chock full of dark humor, geek references, and some tender moments between Todd and Amy. As usual, Strand has quoteable lines on every page, like "At least she didn't say she had herpes" or "Virtually every social situation I'm part of ends without me having intercourse."
Each chapter is headed with a quote from Exit Red, the show they share a love for, which also sounds like the best TV show that never existed aside from that Fantastic Four series starring the guy that played the professor on Gilligan's Island. Google it.
Anyway, I dreaded the ending of this the whole way through, picturing myself sobbing like a teenage girl at the end of Titanic. Fortunately, the ending wasn't what I thought it would be, though I shared Todd's dread for most of the book.
I wasn't planning on giving this a five but I guess I'm a big softy despite my hard-boiled exterior. Five out of five stars. Strand is an author to watch.
Current Kindle Unlimited Savings Total: $134.84.
This is the twenty-sixth book in my Kindle Unlimited Experiment. For the 30 day trial, I'm only reading books that are part of the program and keeping track what the total cost of the books would have been.
So, that Jeff Strand is one smooth sea otter. "How smooth?" several of you ask. He's so smooth he got me to read something that some might consider to be a romance novel. I wouldn't say it's a romance, however. It reminds me of that Zach Braff flick The Garden State, only good instead of fairly boring.
Kumquat is about the relationship between two people who know they don't have a whole lot of time together. They go on a road trip, have a series of misadventures, and wind up at a sci-fi convention for a purpose I will not divulge here.
Strand and I both ventured outside our comfort zone for this one but not too far afield. You can still see our respective comfort zones in the distance. Strand's trademark dark humor is present, only without the gore or horror, although I suppose if you wanted to nitpick, you could say Amy's impending doom gives it a horror element. Stop picking nits, though! What are we, chimps?
The story is chock full of dark humor, geek references, and some tender moments between Todd and Amy. As usual, Strand has quoteable lines on every page, like "At least she didn't say she had herpes" or "Virtually every social situation I'm part of ends without me having intercourse."
Each chapter is headed with a quote from Exit Red, the show they share a love for, which also sounds like the best TV show that never existed aside from that Fantastic Four series starring the guy that played the professor on Gilligan's Island. Google it.
Anyway, I dreaded the ending of this the whole way through, picturing myself sobbing like a teenage girl at the end of Titanic. Fortunately, the ending wasn't what I thought it would be, though I shared Todd's dread for most of the book.
I wasn't planning on giving this a five but I guess I'm a big softy despite my hard-boiled exterior. Five out of five stars. Strand is an author to watch.
Current Kindle Unlimited Savings Total: $134.84.
April 3, 2019
Okay, Jeff, let's cut the bullshit right now...
I don't do Romantic Comedies. I don't do optimistic, uplifting, heartfelt, tender and all that other stuff that warms the cockles of our hearts. I don't do nice guys get the girl. I don't do love stories.
And you throw this SWEET NOVEMBER type story my way, where nobody even gets mutilated?
Fuck you for making me like this one, asshole!
I don't do Romantic Comedies. I don't do optimistic, uplifting, heartfelt, tender and all that other stuff that warms the cockles of our hearts. I don't do nice guys get the girl. I don't do love stories.
And you throw this SWEET NOVEMBER type story my way, where nobody even gets mutilated?
Fuck you for making me like this one, asshole!
July 4, 2014
More like 4.5 stars
Jeff Strand writes horror. Or so I thought. When I saw that he was giving away copies of this book I jumped and raised my hand and may just have begged a bit.
The story is from Todd's point of view. Before we go any further..let's get something straight. He is my book boyfriend! Back off bitches!
Todd is a normal somewhat nerdy guy. He meets Amy and they are discussing a hot dog that she saw on one of those Foodie discovery shows. Impulsively they decide to make it a road trip to have one of those hot-dogs.
(There is more reasoning to the reason for the road trip but you gotta read the book to find that out.)
They meet some of the most interesting ummm characters that had me dying laughing. A guy in line at a BBQ joint who busts Todd's nose, two kids who steal Todd's car, a retiree who is a wanna be author, and a guy with a scar on his face and a claw for his hand.
This is not insta-love. This is a romantic story told exactly right. Full of snark and interesting enough that I could not put it down.
Jeff Strand you gained a fan. I can't wait to read up all your books.
I did receive an ARC copy of this book from the author..who expected nothing in return.
Also posted at my blog (which is new so don't judge me) at http://flyingmonkeyreads.wordpress.com/
Jeff Strand writes horror. Or so I thought. When I saw that he was giving away copies of this book I jumped and raised my hand and may just have begged a bit.
The story is from Todd's point of view. Before we go any further..let's get something straight. He is my book boyfriend! Back off bitches!
Todd is a normal somewhat nerdy guy. He meets Amy and they are discussing a hot dog that she saw on one of those Foodie discovery shows. Impulsively they decide to make it a road trip to have one of those hot-dogs.
(There is more reasoning to the reason for the road trip but you gotta read the book to find that out.)
They meet some of the most interesting ummm characters that had me dying laughing. A guy in line at a BBQ joint who busts Todd's nose, two kids who steal Todd's car, a retiree who is a wanna be author, and a guy with a scar on his face and a claw for his hand.
This is not insta-love. This is a romantic story told exactly right. Full of snark and interesting enough that I could not put it down.
Jeff Strand you gained a fan. I can't wait to read up all your books.
I did receive an ARC copy of this book from the author..who expected nothing in return.
Also posted at my blog (which is new so don't judge me) at http://flyingmonkeyreads.wordpress.com/
July 1, 2014
I don't know that I've ever read a romantic comedy before.
Yet, that's what this is.
If someone had told me that I might one day like such a thing, I'd have said that it was possible but doubtful. I don't read romance. I don't much care for romcoms on film. I'm pretty picky about comedies, especially on the printed page.
So, why did I read this?
Because I saw that Jeff Strand was giving away ARCs on his website for a forthcoming book, and I've liked what I've read by him so far.
When I found out it wasn't horror, that it was a quirky road trip story, I still decided to give it a go because Strand had proven to me that we had compatible comic sensibilities in Dweller.
Was the romance in the book handled well? Was it successful in that way? I mean the guy writes horror for heaven's sake???
I guess so.
I don't know.
Sure.
Sort of.
It didn't feel like a mushy love story. To me, that makes it good. But don't ask me. I don't really know anything about it.
Was it funny?
Yes. I thought it was funny.
You might not.
Funny is so subjective, especially on the page. And funny is so much harder to do in any medium. It really takes an innate talent, along with skill, to pull it off. And even then, you're only going to be successful with those humans with a compatible sense of humor. I think a comic writer or actor can be trained to pull off a successful drama. But I really don't believe it's possible the other way around. You can't teach the kind of broken required for someone to be funny. And, in my mind, Jeff Strand is broken in just such a way that he's able to produce books that I find funny.
The humor in Kumquat more often than not rises naturally from the situation. The characters aren't comedians in disguise throwing off one-liners at every turn. He doesn't use pop-culture references as a cheap humor substitute. Best of all, his writing doesn't come off as 'jokey.'
I hate 'jokey.'
There is an undercurrent of darkness, too, that I like. The horror of sudden, unexpected oblivion underscores the humor in this book and keeps it from seeming frivolous.
Is this a romantic comedy or is it a satire of the romantic tales of doomed lovers that have made Jonathan Sparks a wealthy man? I don't know. Maybe it's both.
What I do know is that I found the novel funny.
Oh, and it remains funny throughout, whereas many comedic tales tend to lose the funny when the plot kicks in.
Recommended to people who find the things I find funny funny.
Yet, that's what this is.
If someone had told me that I might one day like such a thing, I'd have said that it was possible but doubtful. I don't read romance. I don't much care for romcoms on film. I'm pretty picky about comedies, especially on the printed page.
So, why did I read this?
Because I saw that Jeff Strand was giving away ARCs on his website for a forthcoming book, and I've liked what I've read by him so far.
When I found out it wasn't horror, that it was a quirky road trip story, I still decided to give it a go because Strand had proven to me that we had compatible comic sensibilities in Dweller.
Was the romance in the book handled well? Was it successful in that way? I mean the guy writes horror for heaven's sake???
I guess so.
I don't know.
Sure.
Sort of.
It didn't feel like a mushy love story. To me, that makes it good. But don't ask me. I don't really know anything about it.
Was it funny?
Yes. I thought it was funny.
You might not.
Funny is so subjective, especially on the page. And funny is so much harder to do in any medium. It really takes an innate talent, along with skill, to pull it off. And even then, you're only going to be successful with those humans with a compatible sense of humor. I think a comic writer or actor can be trained to pull off a successful drama. But I really don't believe it's possible the other way around. You can't teach the kind of broken required for someone to be funny. And, in my mind, Jeff Strand is broken in just such a way that he's able to produce books that I find funny.
The humor in Kumquat more often than not rises naturally from the situation. The characters aren't comedians in disguise throwing off one-liners at every turn. He doesn't use pop-culture references as a cheap humor substitute. Best of all, his writing doesn't come off as 'jokey.'
I hate 'jokey.'
There is an undercurrent of darkness, too, that I like. The horror of sudden, unexpected oblivion underscores the humor in this book and keeps it from seeming frivolous.
Is this a romantic comedy or is it a satire of the romantic tales of doomed lovers that have made Jonathan Sparks a wealthy man? I don't know. Maybe it's both.
What I do know is that I found the novel funny.
Oh, and it remains funny throughout, whereas many comedic tales tend to lose the funny when the plot kicks in.
Recommended to people who find the things I find funny funny.
September 4, 2014
Find all of my reviews at: http://52bookminimum.blogspot.com/
I started out this book with an unfair disadvantage. You see, I’m a sucker for road trips. Road trips in movies, road trips in books – I’m in, and I’m probably gonna like it at least a little bit.
It doesn’t matter if it’s a family road trip . . .
or a bachelor party road trip . . .
or an unlikely duo in a series of misadventures road trip . . .
or a fight for your life road trip . . .
or a dumb (and dumber, or is it dumber-er???) road trip . . .
(Are you all singing MOCK. (mock) ING. (ing) BIRD. (bird) now? Yes??? Ahhhh, my work here is done.)
Bottom line is I loooooooove road trip stories. Combine that with a romantic comedy and add the triple-whammy of the “main character might die at any given moment” plotline and it was on like bing-bong, Jack.
If you’re like me and saw this pop up on EVERYONE’S feed a few weeks ago, but thought “I’m not really in the right frame of mind to read a story where one of the main characters croaks and then become a big ol’ boo-bag around my family for the next week” (like I did), well have no fear. I’m spoiling this part of the story and I don’t even care – the main character does not die. No, the end of Kumquat won’t leave you regretting the fact that you (yet again) failed to purchase stock in the Kleenex Corporation before starting a tearjerker. Kumquat is definitely not a tearjerker.
What it is instead is the most wonderful boy meets girl story and the adventures that transpire during their quest for one epic hot dog . . .
Let me back it up to the beginning. You see Todd and Amy have an adorable meet-cute at a horrible film fest and, after getting to know each other a bit (mainly getting to know about how boring and predictable Todd’s life is and about Amy’s sooner-rather-than-later demise), the two decide to be spontaneous and road trip it (platonically, of course . . . or not?????) from Florida to Rhode Island for the best hot dog in the world.
Sidenote: Hot dog purists will probably want to flambé me for this, but I’m stating on the record that the best hot dog in the world is smothered in the greasiest chili known to man and is served at a little place called Dixon’s Coney Island in Galesburg, Illinois. (Those with weaker constitutions will probably suffer from diarrhea for a week after eating this concoction, but trust me when I say it’s totally worth it.)
Okay, back to the review:
Along the way, Amy and Todd receive a heaping dose of Murphy’s Law and everything possible goes wrong. From stolen cars to crazy hitchhikers to a possibly ruptured brain aneurysm to the consumption of a hot dog that may not be all it was cracked up to be, Kumquat is a ride you won’t soon forget.
Good gravy how I loved this book – so cute, so funny, so WRITTEN BY A HORROR NOVELIST????? Seriously. Jeff Strand writes horror . . . and the most charming little rom-com???? Still hard to wrap my brain around that one, but it’s proof that a good writer is good at writing. Period.
Recommended to: Anyone who wants to put a little love in their heart.
I started out this book with an unfair disadvantage. You see, I’m a sucker for road trips. Road trips in movies, road trips in books – I’m in, and I’m probably gonna like it at least a little bit.
It doesn’t matter if it’s a family road trip . . .
or a bachelor party road trip . . .
or an unlikely duo in a series of misadventures road trip . . .
or a fight for your life road trip . . .
or a dumb (and dumber, or is it dumber-er???) road trip . . .
(Are you all singing MOCK. (mock) ING. (ing) BIRD. (bird) now? Yes??? Ahhhh, my work here is done.)
Bottom line is I loooooooove road trip stories. Combine that with a romantic comedy and add the triple-whammy of the “main character might die at any given moment” plotline and it was on like bing-bong, Jack.
If you’re like me and saw this pop up on EVERYONE’S feed a few weeks ago, but thought “I’m not really in the right frame of mind to read a story where one of the main characters croaks and then become a big ol’ boo-bag around my family for the next week” (like I did), well have no fear. I’m spoiling this part of the story and I don’t even care – the main character does not die. No, the end of Kumquat won’t leave you regretting the fact that you (yet again) failed to purchase stock in the Kleenex Corporation before starting a tearjerker. Kumquat is definitely not a tearjerker.
What it is instead is the most wonderful boy meets girl story and the adventures that transpire during their quest for one epic hot dog . . .
Let me back it up to the beginning. You see Todd and Amy have an adorable meet-cute at a horrible film fest and, after getting to know each other a bit (mainly getting to know about how boring and predictable Todd’s life is and about Amy’s sooner-rather-than-later demise), the two decide to be spontaneous and road trip it (platonically, of course . . . or not?????) from Florida to Rhode Island for the best hot dog in the world.
Sidenote: Hot dog purists will probably want to flambé me for this, but I’m stating on the record that the best hot dog in the world is smothered in the greasiest chili known to man and is served at a little place called Dixon’s Coney Island in Galesburg, Illinois. (Those with weaker constitutions will probably suffer from diarrhea for a week after eating this concoction, but trust me when I say it’s totally worth it.)
Okay, back to the review:
Along the way, Amy and Todd receive a heaping dose of Murphy’s Law and everything possible goes wrong. From stolen cars to crazy hitchhikers to a possibly ruptured brain aneurysm to the consumption of a hot dog that may not be all it was cracked up to be, Kumquat is a ride you won’t soon forget.
Good gravy how I loved this book – so cute, so funny, so WRITTEN BY A HORROR NOVELIST????? Seriously. Jeff Strand writes horror . . . and the most charming little rom-com???? Still hard to wrap my brain around that one, but it’s proof that a good writer is good at writing. Period.
Recommended to: Anyone who wants to put a little love in their heart.
June 28, 2021
"Admit what you've done! You've altered time!"
"All I did was tell my past self to lose the mullet! I had no idea it would have such far-reaching consequences!"
Reviewer note: There are so many hilarious quotes to choose from in this book, it took me forever to actually pick one.
I read this the first time just a couple months after it was published in 2014. I loved it. It was actually my introduction to Jeff Strand's zany world.
I decided to read it again a few nights ago after a very long day. I wasn't in the mood for dark or sad, and I've always been a sucker for novels involving road trips. Though I typically stick to thrillers, suspense, and horror, every once in awhile, a girl just needs a really good romance. And Kumquat is one of the sweetest, funniest, most endearing romances I've ever read.
I actually ended up loving it more the second time around. The relationship that develops between Todd and Amy is fun, engaging, tender, and whimsical...without being syrupy. And despite the fact this most assuredly is not horror story, it still feels one hundred percent like a Jeff Strand novel - and one of his best, in my opinion.
Since I rated it four stars in 2014 and five stars today, I'll take the average.
4.5 stars
Available now in all formats, and FREE on Kindle Unlimited.
Do yourself a favor and read this story. Seriously.
November 29, 2014
Hello, my name is Zoeytron. I am a horror junkie. Jeff Strand writes horror. . . . . and romantic comedy? Yes, indeedy. And he gets it right in KUMQUAT. Normally I would not have touched it, having no interest in the rom-com genre. I purchased it based strictly on rave reviews from other horror lovers here on GR, figuring our tastes are similar enough to give it a go.
Pitch perfect dialog with a hint of dark humor, two regular people, engaging and funny. A spur-of-the-moment road trip from Florida to Rhode Island for the sake of sampling a hotdog from the Hunky Dory Hotdog eatery. A hitchhiker with a hook arm and a man who is deadly serious about his BBQ ribs. Thoroughly entertaining, and not even a suggestion of sap. Well done!
Pitch perfect dialog with a hint of dark humor, two regular people, engaging and funny. A spur-of-the-moment road trip from Florida to Rhode Island for the sake of sampling a hotdog from the Hunky Dory Hotdog eatery. A hitchhiker with a hook arm and a man who is deadly serious about his BBQ ribs. Thoroughly entertaining, and not even a suggestion of sap. Well done!
February 7, 2017
I’ve only read three books by Jeff Strand. In case you were dying to know, they were Casket for Sale: Only Used Once (best book title ever), Dweller and Stalking You Now. I’d love to read more but there’s that godforsaken tbr pile that won’t stop breeding when I leave the room. Those stories were all horror or horror-ish and all had a dash (or more) of the same oddball, quirky humor that I’ve come to expect from this author. I heard from some of my GR friends that this story was pretty much a comedic road-trip romance so I had to claim a copy. I like romances but I am picky with them. Some say I’m just a grouch. They might be right. Either way, I know I’ve read more than my share of crappy, sappy and boring as hell romances but this wasn’t one of those. Now I’ll give you 10 reasons why you might want to read this because I can be sweet once or twice a month despite rumors, and a kid or two, who may say otherwise.
10. It ends just as and when it should.
9. It wasn’t sappy or crappy or ever boring.
8. It surprised me. Crazy, seemingly random, things happen but it all ties together in the end. I love when an author is able to do that.
7. It was genuinely funny in a snarky, nutty sort of way. Todd & Amy are on a 22 hour road trip to buy a hotdog that may be awesome or may make them beg for a quick death.
“Any woman who would want to go on a road trip with me this soon after meeting me must have dismemberment on her mind.”
6. There are no stupid misunderstandings. They call each other out before that ever happens.
5. Both characters use snark naturally. They are like two cute little misfit peas in a pod, perfect for each other from the moment they first open their mouths. It’s easy to see why they get along from their conversations. See here:
“No, wait, what's the funniest thing you've ever seen?" I ask.
"Oh. Sorry. Once, when I was with my parents at a magic show, I accidentally walked in on two clowns having sex."
"Seriously?”
“No, they were doing it humorously."
"Ha-ha."
"Every time he thrust, he honked his nose."
"Bullshit."
"I swear to God. I am not making this up. He was taking her from behind, and he honked his big red nose every time he thrust. Honest truth.”
4. It was touching. This surprised me but it shouldn’t have seeing as I read Dweller. The monster book that will make most anyone get all bleary eyed over a man eating beast! Unless, of course, you are truly heartless.
3. They have sexy times that don’t make me cringe (I love some of your stuff but I am looking at you Dean Koontz).
2. The characters are terrific and aren’t perfection personified. They are strangers when things start. Just two lonely, goofy, geeky types who meet at a Con, bond over some bad films and impulsively decide to take a road trip together. I’m tired of reading about beautiful, wealthy people falling in love. Give me two socially awkward misfits or two Bigfoots, and hell you can even throw in a troll or two and I’ll buy that. (Note to anyone still reading: there are no sexy Bigfoots or trolls here but I loved it anyway.)
And the #1 reason I adored this book: THEY TALK TO EACH OTHER! They talk and talk and talk and I never felt the urge to tell them to shut the heck up already. They are open and honest and sarcastically funny throughout the entire story. They become friends and things grow naturally from there. There are no lame-ass insta-love hijinks happening here.
It’s silly, sweet and fun with some seriously dark undertones which I won’t spoil. If you enjoy oddball humor give it a go.
10. It ends just as and when it should.
9. It wasn’t sappy or crappy or ever boring.
8. It surprised me. Crazy, seemingly random, things happen but it all ties together in the end. I love when an author is able to do that.
7. It was genuinely funny in a snarky, nutty sort of way. Todd & Amy are on a 22 hour road trip to buy a hotdog that may be awesome or may make them beg for a quick death.
“Any woman who would want to go on a road trip with me this soon after meeting me must have dismemberment on her mind.”
6. There are no stupid misunderstandings. They call each other out before that ever happens.
5. Both characters use snark naturally. They are like two cute little misfit peas in a pod, perfect for each other from the moment they first open their mouths. It’s easy to see why they get along from their conversations. See here:
“No, wait, what's the funniest thing you've ever seen?" I ask.
"Oh. Sorry. Once, when I was with my parents at a magic show, I accidentally walked in on two clowns having sex."
"Seriously?”
“No, they were doing it humorously."
"Ha-ha."
"Every time he thrust, he honked his nose."
"Bullshit."
"I swear to God. I am not making this up. He was taking her from behind, and he honked his big red nose every time he thrust. Honest truth.”
4. It was touching. This surprised me but it shouldn’t have seeing as I read Dweller. The monster book that will make most anyone get all bleary eyed over a man eating beast! Unless, of course, you are truly heartless.
3. They have sexy times that don’t make me cringe (I love some of your stuff but I am looking at you Dean Koontz).
2. The characters are terrific and aren’t perfection personified. They are strangers when things start. Just two lonely, goofy, geeky types who meet at a Con, bond over some bad films and impulsively decide to take a road trip together. I’m tired of reading about beautiful, wealthy people falling in love. Give me two socially awkward misfits or two Bigfoots, and hell you can even throw in a troll or two and I’ll buy that. (Note to anyone still reading: there are no sexy Bigfoots or trolls here but I loved it anyway.)
And the #1 reason I adored this book: THEY TALK TO EACH OTHER! They talk and talk and talk and I never felt the urge to tell them to shut the heck up already. They are open and honest and sarcastically funny throughout the entire story. They become friends and things grow naturally from there. There are no lame-ass insta-love hijinks happening here.
It’s silly, sweet and fun with some seriously dark undertones which I won’t spoil. If you enjoy oddball humor give it a go.
May 10, 2016
three stars reviews are generally considered 'meh', but it seems to me that the middle ground is the one that most needs additional clarifications from the part of the reviewer. My own litmus test comes in the form of two questions:
- would I read the book again : probably not.
- would I read another book by the same author : probably yes.
Since the Kumquat drifts more towards a positive rating than a negative one, I feel also the need for half-stars. 3.5 might make it clearer that I enjoyed my first Jeff Strand book.
How could I best describe the experience? It's like going to the movies and watching a modern rom-com, with a lot of Judd Apatow in the cringe comedy section and a bit of John Green (if he starts writing about thirtysomethings instead of teenagers) in the romance section. The originality part comes from the horror flavor that seems to be the choice ingredient Mr. Strand uses to spice up his stew.
So... boy meets girl, or middle-aged slacker Todd meets terminally ill geek-divorcee Amy. (not a spoiler, it comes out in the first chapter).
... for nine years I've worked for the same place, in the same building, in the same department store, at the same desk, drinking from the same coffee mug. I'd complain that there was no upward mobility, but that wouldn't be true. I just don't want it. I don't want to be a manager. Being a manager decreases your ability to not give a crap.
Todd has about zero chances of meeting the girl of his dreams, being not only a slacker, but also a bundle of high anxieties and psychoses induced by his favorite slasher movies. Yet this is exactly what happens when he finds himself alone with a girl in one of the viewing rooms of an indie film festival in Tampa. One thing leading to another, they start talking about terminal diseases and bucket lists, which somehow leads to both of them eloping on an epic roadtrip from Florida to Rhode Island, in search of the perfect hotdog. There's a 'No-Sex' clause in the contract at the start of the trip, but one thing leading to another, I am guessing this rule is more like a guideline that a biblical command written in stone. The movie adaptation that the novel almost begs for might get an R rating instead of a PG-13. There's a fair lot of casual cussing also - one of the ingredients that made me think of Judd Apatow.
Do I have a subconscious desire to strip naked in front of thousands of people? Am I secretly an exhibitionist? What other fun facts have I been keeping from myself? wonders Todd, as his desire to impress Amy clashes with his self-preservation instincts.
I don't intend to describe the incredibly scary roadtrip and the thousand ways in which Todd manages to get humiliated in front of Amy. This type of cringe comedy seems very popular in the recent years, but I am more of the screwball classics and eighties fan. Even disliking this particular genre that relies on humiliation, swearing and potty humour, I must admit that Jeff Strand is a a truly funny guy and somehow manages to find new twists to the tested and tried staples of rom-com. The dialogue between Amy and Todd sparkle with mischief and with pop culture references. As epigrams for each chapter, readers can enjoy the fictional quotes from a cult TV series about time travel. I liked them so much that I actually made a check to see if Exit Red is featured on imdb. The author treads a fine line between pastiche and homage to his favorite shows and movies, but the results are pleasing in a popcorn way, or if you want to use the metaphor in the title: in a kumquat way. Kumquat standing in here for oddball, original and slighty misunderstood millenial.
My recommendation is to try a sample chapter and decide for yourself if Jeff Strand's type of humour is for you or not. You might have a pleasant surprise.
November 6, 2014
An endearing story of Todd and Amy on an adventure of epic proportions: to eat a hot dog at a very unique hot dog shack in Providence, Rhode Island. Doesn't sound like much of a premise, does it? This turned out to be the best book I've read so far this year!
Jeff Strand is normally a horror author, but I've never read any of his other books. In reading reviews, he's something of a master-craftsman when it comes to witty dialogue, and Kumquat is no different. The book is dialogue-driven from start to finish, dialogue between the main characters themselves, dialogue between the main characters and supporting cast, and even dialogue in Todd's mind as he argues with his OCD-self. There are many laugh-out-loud moments throughout the book, a few times where cheering would have been completely appropriate (but probably frowned upon by the people around me), and a few gasp-inducing moments, too.
It's being reviewed as a romantic-comedy, and while it does have elements of both, I would say it's more like a buddy-road-trip/forced-out-of-your-comfort-zone-for-your-benefit story rather than a rom-com. Overall, a very satisfying read which made its way onto my favorites list even before I hit the 50% mark.
Jeff Strand is normally a horror author, but I've never read any of his other books. In reading reviews, he's something of a master-craftsman when it comes to witty dialogue, and Kumquat is no different. The book is dialogue-driven from start to finish, dialogue between the main characters themselves, dialogue between the main characters and supporting cast, and even dialogue in Todd's mind as he argues with his OCD-self. There are many laugh-out-loud moments throughout the book, a few times where cheering would have been completely appropriate (but probably frowned upon by the people around me), and a few gasp-inducing moments, too.
It's being reviewed as a romantic-comedy, and while it does have elements of both, I would say it's more like a buddy-road-trip/forced-out-of-your-comfort-zone-for-your-benefit story rather than a rom-com. Overall, a very satisfying read which made its way onto my favorites list even before I hit the 50% mark.
June 26, 2015
What does a socially awkward introverted man do when he meets a funny and attractive woman who encourages him to do something spontaneous like drive to Rhode Island (from Florida) to eat a hot dog after telling him that she may die at any moment from an inoperable brain aneurism? Well, he goes, of course! And the book mirrors its message of how it's not about the destination but the journey or something along those lines. I loved this book and breezed through it in a 24 hour time frame. It was that fun.
June 25, 2014
An open letter to Jeff Strand
Dear Mr. Strand.
I have admired your novels and short stories for quite a while. I enjoy the way you can instill humor without reducing the elements of suspense and horror in your works. I enjoy the snappy but realistic dialogue. I've also noticed that for the most part your stories could be described as fiction for men. They tend to be suitable for those of us who crave the more, dare I say, macho tendencies in our literary heroes and villains. With a little gratuitous editing, I daresay some of your stories wouldn’t be all that out of place in those exploitative men adventure magazines of the past (“I was Mata Hari’s Love Slave!!”). Agree or not, you do seem to hit on those themes that men appreciate such as thug bromances (Wolf Hunt) and fickled femme fatales (Stalking You Now).
So when you offered an advanced reader copy of Kumquat to your fans before it was released publicly on July First, I was happy to stand in the virtual line and get my copy with the intent of reading it with lurid delight.
You wrote a goddamn romance.
Don’t get me wrong. There is nothing wrong generically with romances. But do I look like my name is Mildred? Do I sit around and knit booties for real or imaginary grandkids? Do I look like I have 40 cats? Is my favorite dark humor writer turning into Danielle Friggin’ Steele?
You wrote a motherf---king romance! Admittedly a funny one but still a MOTHERF---KING ROMANCE!
But after the initial shock, I actually started to get into it. The main character may be younger than me but I really understood where he was coming from. He is a bit of a slacker but he is also looking for that elusive spark in life that we all want. The spark that often comes from someone we feel connected to. The kind of person that understands us even while collectively enduring the strange pitfalls that the imperfect world throws at us. And there are plenty of those pitfalls in this novel.
So Todd meets a girl. Amy, to be precise. There is a defining moment early on which I won’t give away and then there’s a road trip. Yes, a road trip! Now you got me. Road trips are macho and cool. But it’s also the type of plot twist that allows you to develop the two characters with plenty of clever dialogue and lots of funny situations that do not feel like they are just being tagged on. I loved the way that each strange episode tells us more about Todd and Amy. Now I'm loving both Todd and Amy and especially their various reactions to those “Shit Happens” moments. Unlike most romantic minded novels, Amy and Todd always seem very real and very vulnerable. And I really got into it. There was one particular point about two-third of the way through that I found myself verbalizing, "Oh Shit NO!" while reading it. Since I was waiting in the dentist office, it was a little embarrassing!
So what do we have in your different but hilarious romance novel. We still have that jaw-dropping dialog although a little toned down to fit the genre. We have cute meet, bomb dropped, a quest, a more self-defining quest, and finally...Nope...No giving away the ending. Of course, Jeff, you know what it is but all those nosy people reading this do not. I’ll just tell them to have their handkerchiefs ready. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I will let the readers find out for themselves.
So, Jeff. Thanks for letting me read and review this book. Thanks for writing an smart, sometimes smart-ass, comedy romance that doesn’t condescend to its reader and one that gives us male dudes a semi-healthy model in the romance division. Kumquat may be one of the best books you have ever written. But don’t retire the dark comedy horror novels, OK? At least, not quite yet. Nora Roberts and Danielle Steel can prop up the romance market a little longer without you.
P.S. If you haven’t already, you really need to write Exit Red and sell it to the studios. I would watch it every week!
Dear Mr. Strand.
I have admired your novels and short stories for quite a while. I enjoy the way you can instill humor without reducing the elements of suspense and horror in your works. I enjoy the snappy but realistic dialogue. I've also noticed that for the most part your stories could be described as fiction for men. They tend to be suitable for those of us who crave the more, dare I say, macho tendencies in our literary heroes and villains. With a little gratuitous editing, I daresay some of your stories wouldn’t be all that out of place in those exploitative men adventure magazines of the past (“I was Mata Hari’s Love Slave!!”). Agree or not, you do seem to hit on those themes that men appreciate such as thug bromances (Wolf Hunt) and fickled femme fatales (Stalking You Now).
So when you offered an advanced reader copy of Kumquat to your fans before it was released publicly on July First, I was happy to stand in the virtual line and get my copy with the intent of reading it with lurid delight.
You wrote a goddamn romance.
Don’t get me wrong. There is nothing wrong generically with romances. But do I look like my name is Mildred? Do I sit around and knit booties for real or imaginary grandkids? Do I look like I have 40 cats? Is my favorite dark humor writer turning into Danielle Friggin’ Steele?
You wrote a motherf---king romance! Admittedly a funny one but still a MOTHERF---KING ROMANCE!
But after the initial shock, I actually started to get into it. The main character may be younger than me but I really understood where he was coming from. He is a bit of a slacker but he is also looking for that elusive spark in life that we all want. The spark that often comes from someone we feel connected to. The kind of person that understands us even while collectively enduring the strange pitfalls that the imperfect world throws at us. And there are plenty of those pitfalls in this novel.
So Todd meets a girl. Amy, to be precise. There is a defining moment early on which I won’t give away and then there’s a road trip. Yes, a road trip! Now you got me. Road trips are macho and cool. But it’s also the type of plot twist that allows you to develop the two characters with plenty of clever dialogue and lots of funny situations that do not feel like they are just being tagged on. I loved the way that each strange episode tells us more about Todd and Amy. Now I'm loving both Todd and Amy and especially their various reactions to those “Shit Happens” moments. Unlike most romantic minded novels, Amy and Todd always seem very real and very vulnerable. And I really got into it. There was one particular point about two-third of the way through that I found myself verbalizing, "Oh Shit NO!" while reading it. Since I was waiting in the dentist office, it was a little embarrassing!
So what do we have in your different but hilarious romance novel. We still have that jaw-dropping dialog although a little toned down to fit the genre. We have cute meet, bomb dropped, a quest, a more self-defining quest, and finally...Nope...No giving away the ending. Of course, Jeff, you know what it is but all those nosy people reading this do not. I’ll just tell them to have their handkerchiefs ready. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I will let the readers find out for themselves.
So, Jeff. Thanks for letting me read and review this book. Thanks for writing an smart, sometimes smart-ass, comedy romance that doesn’t condescend to its reader and one that gives us male dudes a semi-healthy model in the romance division. Kumquat may be one of the best books you have ever written. But don’t retire the dark comedy horror novels, OK? At least, not quite yet. Nora Roberts and Danielle Steel can prop up the romance market a little longer without you.
P.S. If you haven’t already, you really need to write Exit Red and sell it to the studios. I would watch it every week!
July 8, 2014
Let me first start out by saying that I am NOT a person who reads romance novels--comedic, or otherwise. EVER. However, as I have yet to read anything by Jeff Strand that I did not enjoy to a fairly high degree, I jumped into his latest, KUMQUAT.
As you can see above, I gave this one a 5-star rating. Jeff Strand's books are in a class all of their own! Be it horror, comedy, dark fiction, and yes--even a romantic comedy--he gives it something that compels you to go on reading. Not only did I eagerly read on, but I actually ENJOYED every minute of this book. Strand pulls forth a range of emotions in this novel, with the theme of two people (Todd and Amy), who meet at a weekend convention. From then, the spontaneity just takes off! There are scenes in this book that actually had me laughing OUT LOUD, literally.
Jeff Strand has once more proven that he can write a successful novel in just about any genre he choses to. At this point, I could honestly say that there isn't a book of his out there that I wouldn't give a try. He is just that good.
Highly recommended!
As you can see above, I gave this one a 5-star rating. Jeff Strand's books are in a class all of their own! Be it horror, comedy, dark fiction, and yes--even a romantic comedy--he gives it something that compels you to go on reading. Not only did I eagerly read on, but I actually ENJOYED every minute of this book. Strand pulls forth a range of emotions in this novel, with the theme of two people (Todd and Amy), who meet at a weekend convention. From then, the spontaneity just takes off! There are scenes in this book that actually had me laughing OUT LOUD, literally.
Jeff Strand has once more proven that he can write a successful novel in just about any genre he choses to. At this point, I could honestly say that there isn't a book of his out there that I wouldn't give a try. He is just that good.
Highly recommended!
December 10, 2014
I was fortunate enough to receive a free copy of Jeff Strand's new book in exchange for an honest review.
Extremely fortunate.
I discovered Mr. Strand's books about a year ago, thanks to my friends on Goodreads and their wonderful suggestions. I've read several now, and have yet to be disappointed. His books are always fast paced, easy to read and quite hilarious. So when I saw that he was offering copies for reviews on Goodreads I had to jump at the opportunity. Hell, he even sent the book with a personalized message, which was funny in its own right.
So I began this book 'Kumquat' with no information on it at all. There is a special joy for me when I go into a read blindly. I love it. The story simply unfolds on its own with no preconceived expectations. But this one was certainly a surprise.
I don't know what I expected, except comedy. I knew it would be side-splittingly funny; of that, I was confident. I was not wrong.
I laughed so hard I almost wound up in the hospital.
But the similarity to other Strand works I have read ended right there.
This book was not horror at all. I should feel let down by this fact, but I'm not. I am not a ROMCOM kind of guy, either. At least I wasn't until now. If they were all executed like this one, I would be a fan of the genre wholeheartedly.
Of course, this should not be classified as a straight up ROMCOM, either.
It is actually more of a road trip/romance/comedy/adventure story. Hmmmm. Too long.
I give up. All I know is that I fell in love with the characters,they were like friends by the time I was halfway through with the book. They continuously encounter offbeat and zany people on their way to Rhode Island, and the hilarity just erupts off every page.
The sign of a good book for me is when I don't want it to end. That happened with this one.
Highly recommended!
Extremely fortunate.
I discovered Mr. Strand's books about a year ago, thanks to my friends on Goodreads and their wonderful suggestions. I've read several now, and have yet to be disappointed. His books are always fast paced, easy to read and quite hilarious. So when I saw that he was offering copies for reviews on Goodreads I had to jump at the opportunity. Hell, he even sent the book with a personalized message, which was funny in its own right.
So I began this book 'Kumquat' with no information on it at all. There is a special joy for me when I go into a read blindly. I love it. The story simply unfolds on its own with no preconceived expectations. But this one was certainly a surprise.
I don't know what I expected, except comedy. I knew it would be side-splittingly funny; of that, I was confident. I was not wrong.
I laughed so hard I almost wound up in the hospital.
But the similarity to other Strand works I have read ended right there.
This book was not horror at all. I should feel let down by this fact, but I'm not. I am not a ROMCOM kind of guy, either. At least I wasn't until now. If they were all executed like this one, I would be a fan of the genre wholeheartedly.
Of course, this should not be classified as a straight up ROMCOM, either.
It is actually more of a road trip/romance/comedy/adventure story. Hmmmm. Too long.
I give up. All I know is that I fell in love with the characters,they were like friends by the time I was halfway through with the book. They continuously encounter offbeat and zany people on their way to Rhode Island, and the hilarity just erupts off every page.
The sign of a good book for me is when I don't want it to end. That happened with this one.
Highly recommended!
May 28, 2014
What an honor. I'm the first reviewer for the new Jeff Strand book. This kindle freebie was received as a gift from the author in exchange for a review, the book itself isn't available yet and I can honestly say that the author's generosity and general awesomeness did not affect my opinion. The opinion didn't need any swaying, the book was very good. Interestingly enough, a very different story than what I'm used to from Strand, not horror or suspense, nothing dark or twisted. This is a total love story, with some road tripping along the way. Once I got over the shock and got used to the fact that dead bodies were just not turning up, it was a very enjoyable and very sweet actually story, quite romantic too in a nonsappy way. The characters were charming, engaging and very believable. And, while the murder and madness were nowhere to be found, Strand's most excellent sense of humor was categorically present. Quite long book for the author too, usually I zoom by them, but this took hours, no idea how long it actually was, kindle conversion didn't have page numbers, but totally worth the time. Highly recommended.
July 22, 2014
A kumquat is a fruit.
Jeff Strand is a nut.
This is not a horror novel.
Color me confused.
This was a madcap rom-com roadtrip thingy involving Rhode Island hot dogs that will make you laugh till you lose control of your bladder. Not my cup of tea, my idea of rom-com is MISERY. But, Mr. Strand is, among other things, a very good writer. He writes humor the way he writes horror; extremely well. The comedy is never forced, it springs naturally from the story.
Highly entertaining, highly recommended.
Jeff Strand is a nut.
This is not a horror novel.
Color me confused.
This was a madcap rom-com roadtrip thingy involving Rhode Island hot dogs that will make you laugh till you lose control of your bladder. Not my cup of tea, my idea of rom-com is MISERY. But, Mr. Strand is, among other things, a very good writer. He writes humor the way he writes horror; extremely well. The comedy is never forced, it springs naturally from the story.
Highly entertaining, highly recommended.
June 14, 2014
I received a copy from the author in exchange for an honest review.
4.5 stars. Jeff Strand is legend when it comes to the horror comedy combo. In his latest novel he checks his horror at the door and gives a full onslaught of comedy in a consistently well told story. It's not random one liner humor. There is a great story here. The humor is really just a bonus to a well told romance story.
Yes, I said romance. Normally romance of any kind makes me nauseous or at the very least gives me acid reflux or makes me throw up on South Park Wendy but the comedy to romance ratio was about 20:1 here so I was willing to let it slide although I still dropped half a star out of principle. Sorry Jeff.
Read this book. At least do yourself the favor of downloading the free sample and then read it because you'll be so enraptured by the quality of the comedy and/or romantic elements of the story that you cannot restrain yourself from finishing it.
If you don't care for the sample I will personally refund you the cost of that sample, including shipping and handling.
Highly recommended to Jeff Strand fans as well as anyone else out there with even a moderately respectable sense of humor.
4.5 stars. Jeff Strand is legend when it comes to the horror comedy combo. In his latest novel he checks his horror at the door and gives a full onslaught of comedy in a consistently well told story. It's not random one liner humor. There is a great story here. The humor is really just a bonus to a well told romance story.
Yes, I said romance. Normally romance of any kind makes me nauseous or at the very least gives me acid reflux or makes me throw up on South Park Wendy but the comedy to romance ratio was about 20:1 here so I was willing to let it slide although I still dropped half a star out of principle. Sorry Jeff.
Read this book. At least do yourself the favor of downloading the free sample and then read it because you'll be so enraptured by the quality of the comedy and/or romantic elements of the story that you cannot restrain yourself from finishing it.
If you don't care for the sample I will personally refund you the cost of that sample, including shipping and handling.
Highly recommended to Jeff Strand fans as well as anyone else out there with even a moderately respectable sense of humor.
June 19, 2014
Kumquat by Jeff Strand
Began, June 8, 2014 ~ Completed, June 10, 2014
From the Upper Peninsula, Michigan
Mr. Strand is a favorite author of mine. So when I saw he was offering the pre-published edition of Kumquat for his fans, I was ready to take him up on his offer. I'm glad I did.
After meeting at a low budget film festival, two friends decide to take a 2,000 mile road trip from Florida to Rhode Island. And what a crazy ride it was!
The protagonist's, Todd, character was written and developed by the author using his signature expertise and comedy. It seemed that once Todd had a quest, his personality and priorities to change. His cohort, Amy, developed in some obvious and less obvious ways.
The story was filled with several amusing characters. It was a bit of a wild ride from beginning to end and I enjoyed it immensely.
Highly recommended
Began, June 8, 2014 ~ Completed, June 10, 2014
From the Upper Peninsula, Michigan
Mr. Strand is a favorite author of mine. So when I saw he was offering the pre-published edition of Kumquat for his fans, I was ready to take him up on his offer. I'm glad I did.
After meeting at a low budget film festival, two friends decide to take a 2,000 mile road trip from Florida to Rhode Island. And what a crazy ride it was!
The protagonist's, Todd, character was written and developed by the author using his signature expertise and comedy. It seemed that once Todd had a quest, his personality and priorities to change. His cohort, Amy, developed in some obvious and less obvious ways.
The story was filled with several amusing characters. It was a bit of a wild ride from beginning to end and I enjoyed it immensely.
Highly recommended
October 28, 2015
I'm not a big fan of romantic comedies but I really enjoyed this one. I can't remember the last time I had this much fun or laughed so hard reading a book. If you're in the mood for a light, fast-paced read you might want to check this one out. Hopefully you'll love it as much as I did.
July 4, 2014
Having been one of the many to accept Jeff Strand's offer for a not-quite-finalised copy of his new book in exchange for an honest review, I honestly did not know what to expect. I'd just come off the very good Wolf Hunt, but the author was honest in saying this was nothing like anything else he'd written.
For starters, it's not a horror.
(I know!)
For seconds, it's a romance.
(I know!)
For thirds, it's funnier than Wolf Hunt - by a considerable margin!
(No, seriously, it is.)
This might be the first romantic-comedy I've ever read. But even that sentence is doing Kumquat a disservice. It's actually more of a relatable-comedy-with-romantic-undertones-just-not-in-that-Hollywood-style-that-makes-you-want-to-puke kind of way. Instead, it's comprised of two fantastic main characters, who are witty, clever, and not aware of just how witty and clever they are. There's also a host of memorable supporting players who more than carry their own. And, most importantly, it's funny. Like laugh out loud, guffawing awkwardly so that the non-readers around you look at you strangely as if to say, "C'mon buddy, it's not that funny" type of funny.
Except it is.
Do yourself a favour even if, like me, you wouldn't normally waste a millisecond reading past the word "romance" in the genre categorisation section. Kumquat is most definitely worth it.
And somebody needs to sign Jeff up as developer of the show this book bangs on about, Exit Red, because who wouldn't want to watch SLIDERS mixed with LOST but with a proper ending??
Highly recommended to anyone who enjoys a laugh.
4 to 4.5 Impulsive Plans for Kumquat.
For starters, it's not a horror.
(I know!)
For seconds, it's a romance.
(I know!)
For thirds, it's funnier than Wolf Hunt - by a considerable margin!
(No, seriously, it is.)
This might be the first romantic-comedy I've ever read. But even that sentence is doing Kumquat a disservice. It's actually more of a relatable-comedy-with-romantic-undertones-just-not-in-that-Hollywood-style-that-makes-you-want-to-puke kind of way. Instead, it's comprised of two fantastic main characters, who are witty, clever, and not aware of just how witty and clever they are. There's also a host of memorable supporting players who more than carry their own. And, most importantly, it's funny. Like laugh out loud, guffawing awkwardly so that the non-readers around you look at you strangely as if to say, "C'mon buddy, it's not that funny" type of funny.
Except it is.
Do yourself a favour even if, like me, you wouldn't normally waste a millisecond reading past the word "romance" in the genre categorisation section. Kumquat is most definitely worth it.
And somebody needs to sign Jeff up as developer of the show this book bangs on about, Exit Red, because who wouldn't want to watch SLIDERS mixed with LOST but with a proper ending??
Highly recommended to anyone who enjoys a laugh.
4 to 4.5 Impulsive Plans for Kumquat.
February 9, 2019
I just loved this road trip. Funny, quirky, endearing and real. Sad too but that’s okay. It’s life. Shit happens, we deal. Hold on tight while you can. The author gets that point across and does it with charm and grace.
Btw, Dear Author, you almost got me at the Epilogue. Almost. Clever man. 🦋
Btw, Dear Author, you almost got me at the Epilogue. Almost. Clever man. 🦋
April 14, 2018
What a great story! I got a huge kick out of this book. It's unfair to label this as a typical romantic comedy because it is so much more than that and I loved every minute. I don't mean to sound sexist but I normally don't read 'romance' or 'romantic comedy' penned by male authors although I have tried. This little rose among the thorns is the exception and Jeff Strand, who is described as 'wickedly funny, is very gifted at his craft.
I originally read this in June of 2015 and when I ran across it again yesterday (4/13/18) I realized I had not reviewed this little gem. Now, I have the pleasure of placing this on my reread list, not only to properly review it, but to be filled with those gut-deep feelings I still remember stirring inside me the first time through.
The characters:
Thirty-five-year-old introvert Todd Bryan hasn't really done much with his life, and he's okay with that. At a painfully bad film festival, he meets Amy Husk. She's attractive. She's funny. She's quirky. And...she has an inoperable brain aneurysm and not much time to live. She may not even make it to the long-awaited final episode of EXIT RED, the Greatest. Show. Ever.
She convinces him that they should do something crazy and frivolous. And suddenly Todd, a guy who doesn't do spontaneity, is on an insane road trip from Florida to Rhode Island with a woman he barely knows, just to visit a really cool hot dog place.
I originally read this in June of 2015 and when I ran across it again yesterday (4/13/18) I realized I had not reviewed this little gem. Now, I have the pleasure of placing this on my reread list, not only to properly review it, but to be filled with those gut-deep feelings I still remember stirring inside me the first time through.
The characters:
Thirty-five-year-old introvert Todd Bryan hasn't really done much with his life, and he's okay with that. At a painfully bad film festival, he meets Amy Husk. She's attractive. She's funny. She's quirky. And...she has an inoperable brain aneurysm and not much time to live. She may not even make it to the long-awaited final episode of EXIT RED, the Greatest. Show. Ever.
She convinces him that they should do something crazy and frivolous. And suddenly Todd, a guy who doesn't do spontaneity, is on an insane road trip from Florida to Rhode Island with a woman he barely knows, just to visit a really cool hot dog place.
July 31, 2014
Oh my. This book. I just felt so much and I wasn't prepared for it either. I really have to commend Mr. Strand for writing in another genre and doing it just so well. I laughed, I cried, and by the end I was pretty emotionally exhausted. This isn't a review, this is just me trying to get together some of the feelings I have about this book and the characters and the plot. I just love Amy and Todd so much and this book was great at making me laugh at some of the most terrible things that happened to them and that happened around them. So, yeah I'm kind of in love with this book, even though this probably the worse book review I've ever written. And it's not bad because I'm not trying to write it, it's because I can't really think about or fathom this book. So I apologize for the sloppiness and the fact I haven't put this review into paragraph format. BUT YOU JUST HAVE TO READ THIS BOOK. If you are a newcomer to Mr. Strand's work or an old fan, like I am, you'll enjoy it.
I was given a free ARC of this book by the author in exchange for an honest review.
I was given a free ARC of this book by the author in exchange for an honest review.
August 18, 2014
Todd meets Amy at a local film festival, he finds her funny, attractive and unfortunately with an inoperable brain aneurysm. They decide to do something spontaneous and plan a weekend driving from Florida to Rhode Island to sample a legendary hot dog. Todd and Amy are great characters, their relationship never seemed forced, the dialogue between them felt natural with all the awkwardness and self doubt that usually plagues people as they let someone new into their life.
Even with his horror I find that Mr Strand can pull my heartstrings a little (or a lot, read Dweller) and at one point I thought I would likely be in floods again by the end of the read. A bit of a departure from the normal books I read from him but one that deftly shows his considerable skills as an author.
I received a digital copy from the author in exchange for an honest review.
Even with his horror I find that Mr Strand can pull my heartstrings a little (or a lot, read Dweller) and at one point I thought I would likely be in floods again by the end of the read. A bit of a departure from the normal books I read from him but one that deftly shows his considerable skills as an author.
I received a digital copy from the author in exchange for an honest review.
September 3, 2016
Nobody writes cutting, witty dialog like Strand. The dude is quick and funny as hell. Kumquat flows fast with plenty of belly laughs. I kept waiting for a dismembered body to make an appearance, but I knew that this was not that kind of story (and I still awaited it anyway).
Todd and Amy, sitting in a tree. (No, that’s lame.) A little diddy about Todd and Amy. (Even lamer.) Ok, ok…I will leave the wit to Mr. Strand. Todd and Amy are on quest for a hot dog and the last few episodes of Exit Red, which everybody knows is the best show on television. On the way, they meet some very interesting characters and consequently fall in love. A very good, romantic comedy - Jeff Strand style. Very solid 4+ stars! Highly recommended.
Todd and Amy, sitting in a tree. (No, that’s lame.) A little diddy about Todd and Amy. (Even lamer.) Ok, ok…I will leave the wit to Mr. Strand. Todd and Amy are on quest for a hot dog and the last few episodes of Exit Red, which everybody knows is the best show on television. On the way, they meet some very interesting characters and consequently fall in love. A very good, romantic comedy - Jeff Strand style. Very solid 4+ stars! Highly recommended.
June 20, 2025
A kumquat is a small orange citrus that looks innocent enough, until you taste it. This usually results in instant chundering. Don't trust them. Kumquat Marmelade, on the other hand, is like angel tears on your toast.
Todd Bryan is not happy with his life until a chance meeting with Amy at a film festival. The two hook up and their lives are changed forever when Todd confesses a bucket list wish to travel across the country to Rhode Island to have a hot dog. They do it!
Is it about the journey? OF COURSE IT IS! Strand writes charming, memorable characters and great imagery. The LOL 😆 humour is much appreciated. I just loved it. Nothing is off limits.
Todd Bryan is not happy with his life until a chance meeting with Amy at a film festival. The two hook up and their lives are changed forever when Todd confesses a bucket list wish to travel across the country to Rhode Island to have a hot dog. They do it!
Is it about the journey? OF COURSE IT IS! Strand writes charming, memorable characters and great imagery. The LOL 😆 humour is much appreciated. I just loved it. Nothing is off limits.
July 7, 2014
Some people say that a writer is defined by the genre he writes in. It's also a myth that authors like to stay in one genre for risk of ruining a stellar reputation. Stephen King, for example, is a master of horror. However, when he steers into unfamiliar territory - thriller, science-fiction - the readers tend to voice their concern. I, myself, have no problem with an author who does this. Much like a reviewer reading a book out of their comfort zone, I feel a writer can grow if they change genre and experiment. Having read the reviews, it seems Jeff Strand may have explored new territory here. On this evidence, it wasn't a bad thing.
Now, and this may come as a shock, I have never read a Jeff Strand book. So shoot me. But on this evidence I'm now a bona fide fan. I'm familiar with the fact that Strand writes horror, having seen his Stoker accolades and recognition. Being a horror writer myself, his name is respected and revered amongst my peers. However, and the timing was perfect, I just had to break my Strand virginity with a non horror book. It just seemed...right. The story is simple. Todd, mid-thirties, rolling along on the highway of life after some health issues, decides to attend a film festival. After a while, he meets Amy, a woman who shares a mild curiosity for the quirky - and his red vines. Romance begins to blossom and then Todd discovers something that will change their lives forever. That, I won't ruin for you, it wrenched my heart when I read it. So he decides to take Amy on a road trip to Rhode Island, for hot dogs, adventure and unknown surprises.
I've seen the word romantic comedy used to describe this book. Loosely, it is. However, it's more a story of two lovers who become friends first and partners second over a long weekend. Yes, there's a strong romantic undertone but nothing of the such happens for half a book. Which is a brilliant master-stroke by the author. After seventy or so pages, you'll be in love with the characters, their banter and the chemistry as it sizzles on the page. Every situation, character and event is identifiable and pulls you in, sitting you in the back seat as they take their exciting road trip in search of hot dogs and discovery. It's a great story, one mostly told from the POV of two characters, two that never tire or bore you and always have you smiling, despite the dark reasons for their adventure.
Kumquat - the fruit of the title is lavishly explained during an hilarious conversation between several characters - is a story about adversary and the crap that life deals you...and then saying 'screw it' and getting on with life. And yes, it's a comedy, an intelligent, witty, clever, sublime and sometimes laugh-out-loud affair, where the comedy is generated from the natural yet dark events that transpire throughout the book. A normal sense of humour will prevail but having a twisted sense of humour will help here, keeping the story grounded in normality whilst darker themes rise to the surface. Yes, this isn't a horror book but there are mild currents of horror reverberating beneath the surface. Real horror, horror that can strike down any human or person in the world. True, there are no ghosts or goblins here but there are far worse things in existence, some things that we may take for granted. These are thrust to the forefront of Kumquat, lending the story a moralistic yet very real edge.
5* - A refreshing take on a saturated and burnt out story. Road trips and romance. Been there, done that. However, Jeff Strand has revitalised the story, creating a magnetic, gripping, hilarious, and heart-warming tale of human discovery, friendship and, yes, love. Strand proves that if you experiment, it might just pay off. And it does, in droves. In a world where romance is tainted by bondage stories and sparkling vampires, it's very refreshing to see a story of love that's...well, authentic. For a horror author to pull this off not only shows development (as I will probably discover when I read one of his horror books) but a boldness not often seen in many authors. A great, thrilling read that will reignite the flame of human emotion in your heart. And make you laugh/cry doing so. Fantastic!
Now, and this may come as a shock, I have never read a Jeff Strand book. So shoot me. But on this evidence I'm now a bona fide fan. I'm familiar with the fact that Strand writes horror, having seen his Stoker accolades and recognition. Being a horror writer myself, his name is respected and revered amongst my peers. However, and the timing was perfect, I just had to break my Strand virginity with a non horror book. It just seemed...right. The story is simple. Todd, mid-thirties, rolling along on the highway of life after some health issues, decides to attend a film festival. After a while, he meets Amy, a woman who shares a mild curiosity for the quirky - and his red vines. Romance begins to blossom and then Todd discovers something that will change their lives forever. That, I won't ruin for you, it wrenched my heart when I read it. So he decides to take Amy on a road trip to Rhode Island, for hot dogs, adventure and unknown surprises.
I've seen the word romantic comedy used to describe this book. Loosely, it is. However, it's more a story of two lovers who become friends first and partners second over a long weekend. Yes, there's a strong romantic undertone but nothing of the such happens for half a book. Which is a brilliant master-stroke by the author. After seventy or so pages, you'll be in love with the characters, their banter and the chemistry as it sizzles on the page. Every situation, character and event is identifiable and pulls you in, sitting you in the back seat as they take their exciting road trip in search of hot dogs and discovery. It's a great story, one mostly told from the POV of two characters, two that never tire or bore you and always have you smiling, despite the dark reasons for their adventure.
Kumquat - the fruit of the title is lavishly explained during an hilarious conversation between several characters - is a story about adversary and the crap that life deals you...and then saying 'screw it' and getting on with life. And yes, it's a comedy, an intelligent, witty, clever, sublime and sometimes laugh-out-loud affair, where the comedy is generated from the natural yet dark events that transpire throughout the book. A normal sense of humour will prevail but having a twisted sense of humour will help here, keeping the story grounded in normality whilst darker themes rise to the surface. Yes, this isn't a horror book but there are mild currents of horror reverberating beneath the surface. Real horror, horror that can strike down any human or person in the world. True, there are no ghosts or goblins here but there are far worse things in existence, some things that we may take for granted. These are thrust to the forefront of Kumquat, lending the story a moralistic yet very real edge.
5* - A refreshing take on a saturated and burnt out story. Road trips and romance. Been there, done that. However, Jeff Strand has revitalised the story, creating a magnetic, gripping, hilarious, and heart-warming tale of human discovery, friendship and, yes, love. Strand proves that if you experiment, it might just pay off. And it does, in droves. In a world where romance is tainted by bondage stories and sparkling vampires, it's very refreshing to see a story of love that's...well, authentic. For a horror author to pull this off not only shows development (as I will probably discover when I read one of his horror books) but a boldness not often seen in many authors. A great, thrilling read that will reignite the flame of human emotion in your heart. And make you laugh/cry doing so. Fantastic!
February 24, 2015
After bonding at a terrible film festival, underachiever Todd Bryan and terminally ill Amy Husk go on an incredible road trip for some hot dogs and indie movie style romance.
Let me be the first to say that I really have a hard time finding books funny. I mostly read fantasy or sci-fi but I took a chance on a self proclaimed comedy and I found books actually can be hilarious! Sure there have been funny parts in books I've read that could evoke a smile or two but I literally laughed hysterically multiple times in this book.
I would say (like many others) that this book could accurately be described as a romantic comedy but it also comes off feeling like an indie move, except a good one. I'm actually not sure if I've ever actually read a romance before. I've read tons of books that included romance but never as the focus of the narrative. At the risk of sounding like a woman I found this book to be quite beautiful and at times had me close to tears. I love Todd and Amy's relationship because it feels so real and I feel like I can personally relate to a handful of things that occur in the book (Hook handed hitch hikers, and gummy bear tractors excluded.) Amy and Todd don't fall in love at first sight and there are absolutely no groan worthy moments which was a wonderful relief. The dialogue between the leads is fantastic and you'll likely find yourself with a smile on your face more often than not. If I had to say one thing bad (not even bad at all, just unrealistic) about the dialogue is that both Amy and Todd are so witty and quick and play off of one another's comments perfectly and I feel like this doesn't really happen in reality (although my girlfriend insists that my best friend and I speak to each other in such a fashion more often than not.) Like I said this is actually not a complaint at all! It would be kind of boring if they weren't delivering great dialogue during the car rides. That being said the great dialogue is the driving force behind this fantastic book so I wouldn't change a thing!
I have to say I didn't expect to be surprised by a romantic comedy book but I was delightfully shocked and surprised by the ending! This is an incredibly short book and it's worth every cent and second of your time but unless you have a have a kindle or nook you might have a hard time finding it. I would love to read more of Jeff Strand's books but searched multiple book stores for months to find this but I've never found a store carrying Strand's novels. Finally I said hell with it and ordered it off of amazon. Kumquat is worth the extra effort for anyone who loves a great road trip with a lot of comedy and even more heart. Risking my masculinity yet again this is an incredibly beautiful story that I would recommend to anyone. Kumquat will go down as one of my all time favorite books. Highest possible recommendation. 5 out of 5 Stars!!!
Also...
1. Exit Red sounds like a wickedly awesome show! I would certainly watch it!
2. I've always wanted to go to comic con (or some variation of it) but now I do more than ever!!!
Let me be the first to say that I really have a hard time finding books funny. I mostly read fantasy or sci-fi but I took a chance on a self proclaimed comedy and I found books actually can be hilarious! Sure there have been funny parts in books I've read that could evoke a smile or two but I literally laughed hysterically multiple times in this book.
I would say (like many others) that this book could accurately be described as a romantic comedy but it also comes off feeling like an indie move, except a good one. I'm actually not sure if I've ever actually read a romance before. I've read tons of books that included romance but never as the focus of the narrative. At the risk of sounding like a woman I found this book to be quite beautiful and at times had me close to tears. I love Todd and Amy's relationship because it feels so real and I feel like I can personally relate to a handful of things that occur in the book (Hook handed hitch hikers, and gummy bear tractors excluded.) Amy and Todd don't fall in love at first sight and there are absolutely no groan worthy moments which was a wonderful relief. The dialogue between the leads is fantastic and you'll likely find yourself with a smile on your face more often than not. If I had to say one thing bad (not even bad at all, just unrealistic) about the dialogue is that both Amy and Todd are so witty and quick and play off of one another's comments perfectly and I feel like this doesn't really happen in reality (although my girlfriend insists that my best friend and I speak to each other in such a fashion more often than not.) Like I said this is actually not a complaint at all! It would be kind of boring if they weren't delivering great dialogue during the car rides. That being said the great dialogue is the driving force behind this fantastic book so I wouldn't change a thing!
I have to say I didn't expect to be surprised by a romantic comedy book but I was delightfully shocked and surprised by the ending! This is an incredibly short book and it's worth every cent and second of your time but unless you have a have a kindle or nook you might have a hard time finding it. I would love to read more of Jeff Strand's books but searched multiple book stores for months to find this but I've never found a store carrying Strand's novels. Finally I said hell with it and ordered it off of amazon. Kumquat is worth the extra effort for anyone who loves a great road trip with a lot of comedy and even more heart. Risking my masculinity yet again this is an incredibly beautiful story that I would recommend to anyone. Kumquat will go down as one of my all time favorite books. Highest possible recommendation. 5 out of 5 Stars!!!
Also...
1. Exit Red sounds like a wickedly awesome show! I would certainly watch it!
2. I've always wanted to go to comic con (or some variation of it) but now I do more than ever!!!
June 8, 2014
What is a Kumquat?
Common consensus has that its a small fruit-bearing tree, although some have labelled it an elaborate and impenetrable curse word preserved only for the most despicable of nemesis'.
It's none of these things...its a new novel by the always reliable Jeff Strand, and it's as hilarious, warm and colorful as the authors readership has come to expect.
What makes Kumquat stand out from Strand's other work is that its a Romantic Comedy.
That's right...a romantic comedy.
Now, as a horror author and obsessive genre fan myself, I'm not the sort of fella who would normally approach such a book, but I've read almost all of Strand's previous books, and the man has a way with humor that few can match. When Strand goes dark, he goes full-dark, but his playful good nature is rarely far from sight, and in Kumquat, each and every page bursts with an energy, wit and humanity that would have a hundred Hollywood screenwriters throwing in the towel and hitting the bar to rethink their professions.
Kumquat is so effortlessly endearing that the reader flies through it, pulled along by a central character thats as identifiable as he is acerbic.
And there's real heart here, too. This is a book built for joy, yet it has a tenderness to it that is really quite affecting, and really showcases Strand's chameleon-like grasp of the written word. There seems to be no genre, or sub-genre that the man can't master. Kumquat is so jam-packed with delightfully funny insights into the human, (geek) condition that it'll put a grin on any chin.
I often contemplate mortality, and one of my great fears is meeting the reaper before they conclude Game of Thrones. It's a serious concern, man, and it's the sort of relate-able yet rarely spoken observation of us weird-ass humans that runs through every page of this brilliant, hilarious book.
You'll recognize yourself in these characters, and love them for it. Strand is one of us - it shows with every quip, every smart-ass line of dialogue, every hurdle overcome and every situation survived. Its simply great stuff.
Anyway...less reading this, and more reading the book.
Have fun!
Common consensus has that its a small fruit-bearing tree, although some have labelled it an elaborate and impenetrable curse word preserved only for the most despicable of nemesis'.
It's none of these things...its a new novel by the always reliable Jeff Strand, and it's as hilarious, warm and colorful as the authors readership has come to expect.
What makes Kumquat stand out from Strand's other work is that its a Romantic Comedy.
That's right...a romantic comedy.
Now, as a horror author and obsessive genre fan myself, I'm not the sort of fella who would normally approach such a book, but I've read almost all of Strand's previous books, and the man has a way with humor that few can match. When Strand goes dark, he goes full-dark, but his playful good nature is rarely far from sight, and in Kumquat, each and every page bursts with an energy, wit and humanity that would have a hundred Hollywood screenwriters throwing in the towel and hitting the bar to rethink their professions.
Kumquat is so effortlessly endearing that the reader flies through it, pulled along by a central character thats as identifiable as he is acerbic.
And there's real heart here, too. This is a book built for joy, yet it has a tenderness to it that is really quite affecting, and really showcases Strand's chameleon-like grasp of the written word. There seems to be no genre, or sub-genre that the man can't master. Kumquat is so jam-packed with delightfully funny insights into the human, (geek) condition that it'll put a grin on any chin.
I often contemplate mortality, and one of my great fears is meeting the reaper before they conclude Game of Thrones. It's a serious concern, man, and it's the sort of relate-able yet rarely spoken observation of us weird-ass humans that runs through every page of this brilliant, hilarious book.
You'll recognize yourself in these characters, and love them for it. Strand is one of us - it shows with every quip, every smart-ass line of dialogue, every hurdle overcome and every situation survived. Its simply great stuff.
Anyway...less reading this, and more reading the book.
Have fun!
June 9, 2014
Kumquat is a phenomenal story!
I didn't know what to expect - a RomCom from a horror author? Admittedly, he's a horror author who cracks me up, (so you know that he must be a little twisted), but, no horror?
Well, I don't know why I don't read more of this genre! Maybe I will if Jeff Strand writes more of them!
I went on an emotional roller coaster ride from start to finish - one minute a chuckle - the next minute I'm wiping something wet off my cheeks (cheek sweat). I was audibly laughing throughout, and even let a couple cackles, and one guffaw, slip out.
I had happy tears, and devastating tears. (Nope. No PMS. Jeff's just that damned good!
Full review posted HERE.
xxoo
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