✰ 2.5 stars ✰
“If I see a chance, I'll fight with all I have left."
Those words both soothed and terrified Cam. "Gun or no gun?"
"Gun or no gun.”
For five months, Austin and Cam, along with eight other men, were locked in a cell together and were at the helpless mercy of a cruel tormentor. It was dark, it was hopeless, it was painful torture; the one shining light through it all was the comfort and solace they found in each other. The last semblance of hope that they knew the other was there to pick up the pieces when they fell - when they returned from the horrible torment their kidnapper inflicted upon them. It is upon their return into society, as both of them attempt to reclaim their place in the lives they left behind, the aftermath of those events still lingers in their hearts and souls takes its toll upon them, as they slowly realize that the only ones they can ever truly be comfortable with again - is with each other. ❤️🩹
“In captivity, both men had tackled their problems whether they wanted to or not. It had gotten to the point where nothing intimidated them—not even weapons. They'd been desperate for freedom, for the chance of healing.”
It would have been better if the events of their kidnapping had been depicted in a separate installment; the majority of this already short novel was dedicated to covering so much of their time in confinement - simply to showcase how their relationship had grown to the extent that they were each other's sole comforting presence. For each iteration we were given to them, struggling with their PTSD, so much was then focused on detailing what happened to them in the past. It made for some very jarring time jumps that didn't allow me to be invested in either their past or their present. I was not able to appreciate the aftermath of their past, when I spent so much time reading about the past.
But, those moments were harsh; as weak as the writing was in those moments, it effectively showed how Austin and Cam's relationship was built on the intense bond they forged during their time in captivity. It was harsh, it was bleak, it was their lives for five months. Five helpless months where they got to understand each other more intimately than they've ever shared with anyone else, having only each other to rely on, tenderly treating each other's injuries, listening to their fears of never seeing their families again - Austin's baby girl, Riley, calmed one another during a panic attack, fighting for a chance to escape - it was all the building blocks of what was to come that the author spent such a significant time on that when it came to the present timeline, moments were sped up. Not enough time dedicated to flesh out their growth or their attraction for each other. 🙍🏻♀️
“The way they often hovered near each other couldn’t possibly be because of simple friendship. You wanted to be with a friend, but that didn’t explain Austin's need for always taking that extra step to be within reach.
One of them always made that little move that brought them closer.”
I liked the brief hesitancy they both showed for acting upon their attraction; I liked that there in stemmed a deeper interest for the other, one which Austin severely grappled with because his latent attraction to the younger man. They were captives first, then close friends, the one they would call during a crisis, and then the one they couldn't imagine not having in their arms. Cam was so harsh from the outside, but when he dropped his guard with Austin, let his honest and vulnerable side to show was such a precious moment; the trust they had fought so hard to protect shined in those intimate moments where they were each other's stability - their solid ground. 🫂
There was something innately touching in how they understood each other so well; how they knew how to handle each other's struggles and know how to respond in kind to it. 'He could've understood wanting Cam as a security blanket after everything they'd been through, but that wasn’t it.' It was so rough for both of them, still haunted by the painful memories, the ever-present scars that still crept over their hearts. But, what was so heartbreaking was how they were the only two who understood their pain - the fear of their chance of survival - the emotional trauma that would take time to heal - the knowing of how to respond to an unwarranted reaction. 😟
Austin was so tender with Cam, and Cam was at such a war for his attraction for an older straight man, that when they finally acted upon their feelings - despite my own personal misgivings on the approach to it - it felt right for both of them. 'That he had to have Cam in his life had been established a long time ago, but now he was realizing just how much they'd grown to need each other—in every aspect.' Their reactions to their physical intimacy was also appreciated by me. 🥺 It was not the best of ways, but the fact that they even acknowledged that something had shifted, that this was something of importance - that this had been love all along was captured well. How its not only shared trauma that binds people together, it's that emotional connection - that heart-breaking realization that this person understands me better than anyone ever has, and its a cruel shame that it was in the worst of times that one was able to find that special someone who they would want forever to be a part of the the best of times. ❤️🩹
“So, he just murmured, "I don’t take this lightly." Then he kissed Cam, changing the tension from serious to heated in a second. "I want you to trust me on that."
Cam released a breath and lay down again. "Okay.”
Among the many issues that I struggled with was how lacking the writing was; it wasn't that it was mundane, but even in the kidnapped scenes, it wasn't on a strong footing. Plus, the comfortable ease in which Austin eased himself - not only into Cam, but totally accepting of his attraction to Cam, so dexterously skilled in the bedroom, so intent on his keen sexual preferences. 🤦🏻♀️'And inside of him…it was like a storm building up. Indescribable emotions raged and surged, leaving him raw and open.' And then, towards the end, in the possibility that the author was so intent on setting the groundwork for the next book, she sped through the evolution of their relationship. Seeing into both their conflicted thoughts, the uncertainty of it making word - especially for Austin, who had a family he had to think about, was portrayed well. 👍🏻
It is safe to say that Cara Dee cares very deeply about the characters she's created; hence, the intense need to constantly remind us of them, by casually bringing them up, time and time again, into her stories. Fine. As much as it detracts my attention trying to bring myself to care about characters who really don't have anything to do with the current story, I can live with that. 😐 The author also tends to gravitate towards having her characters have reasons to cheat in their marriage, solely for it to feel alright that they can act upon their attraction for someone else. Okay. I'll bite - here, it bothered me, but it is not unusual for someone to develop an attraction for someone they've shared such a terrible ordeal with, realizing how much this person is the only one they feel safe and trusted with. It's cool.
But, what I don't get - what I can't seem to understand is why is there always the need to portray the wife in such a bad light?? 😩 Is it not enough that we get a few sparse details that Austin's marriage was already on the fritz, but then to write Gale in such an offensive and nonchalant and uncaring manner, when she's ---
“She's a medical social worker. She assesses whether or not a patient needs help after leaving the hospital."
He rolled over to face Cam again and automatically draped an arm around his middle. "God, I'm exhausted.”
You're exhausted! I am appalled, sir! 😫 This is unacceptable and a clear violation of what it takes to demean a character to the extent of being completely unlikeable. Of all jobs, of all professions, why would you make her have this particular job, one dedicated to caring for the well-being of others, when she is so uncaring of Austin's feelings to his entire ordeal! Telling him to 'to get over it'; not even willing to discuss it with him, snapping at him mercilessly, when he felt trapped in the house! My God, she needs to be fired from that job if she treats her patients the way she treated her husband. 😤
It's like she needs the readers to see what a horrible person she is, it feels like such a cheap tactic. Is it to make her completely unlikeable so that we can empathize with Austin's decision? Is it to make it seem more acceptable for why Austin felt so emotional detached and bitter in their marriage that it was alright? I don't mind that they get together, just don't make the wife such a horrible person in the process!! It just seems like such a cheap tactic, so blatantly disrespectful and just rubbed me the wrong way and made it even harder for me to be invested in their growth. 😢
I like to give an author the benefit of the doubt, but the fact that this was written in 2013, and even in 2023, the same tactics were being employed in their recent novel is upsetting; especially, considering how massively impressive their book range is. And it's a shame because the concept of Chase and Remy's novella intrigues me; but knowing my luck and the author's way of skillfully ruining things for me, I don't know if I should take that leap or not... 🙍🏻♀️