Farm Boys: Lives of Gay Men from the Rural Midwest

by Will Fellows (Editor)

Homosexuality is often seen as a purely urban experience, far removed from rural and small-town life. Farm Boys undermines that cliche by telling the stories of more than three dozen gay men, ranging in age from 24 to 84, who grew up in farm families in the midwestern United States. Whether painful, funny or matter-of-fact, these plain-spoken accounts will move and educate any reader, gay or not, from farm or city.

Genres: LGBT, Nonfiction, Queer, History, Biography, Gay, Memoir

360 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1996

About the author

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Reviews

[Márcio · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was such a heart-wrenching book, yet a life-affirming one, it was a very compassionate reading throughout. Boys growing up in the farthest reaches and with few conditions to make peace with their own selves and come out as strong persons.

When it was not the bigotry environment in which they grew up, it was either the church (this is the Bible Belt) and worst, psychiatrists, telling them the way to take whereas they knew inside those indications were wrong turns.

Some may think these stories resemble and, indeed, they do. But at the same time, they are quite different because each of these boys has a personality of their own, and growing up is never the same for everyone. Some dealt with bestiality (which I have heard of many straight boys as well) and sex with their own brothers (that's the way they discovered sex), some dealt with alcoholic abusive parents who seemed to have bred these kids to become workforce at the land. Some knew from a very early childhood that they felt for boys, others only came to find this out in adolescence. Some helped intensely in the fields and at home, while some others preferred the work done at home and in the barn, raising hogs and dairy work. Some were very religious and thought of their acts as very sinful, some others came to the understanding that if God is love and they were born gay, then, it was God's intention that they should have fulfilling lives. Some were good students, others hardly had the time to do homework from school. Some had the support of their families when they came out, some others got married and lived a dreadful life till they came out to their wives and kids, but in general, not to their parents (afraid of the effect that it could cause to them in their small towns. So it goes.

If there is a similarity in the way the majority of these men see the world is about their difficulty to deal with the campiness of gay individuals and groups and the ghetto life in the bigger cities. It is understandable when one comes from a different background, even when one is urban and comes from a small town. There is also a yearning for a simpler life, even if it means taking small farming as a hobby in later life.

Summing it up, life is never the same for everyone, you can only relate to someone else's life history and find similar paths and understanding. And this is the greatest achievement of this book.

It is interesting to notice that many of these farming families during the 20th century lived and suffered what can be said as the focus of the policies on the food industry rather than on agriculture, resulting in farmers having to rely on monocultures (soybeans, corn), producing too much and selling for too low a price of their production, many times resulting in bankruptcy. This is also a reality seen in countries like Brazil and is very well explained in the first chapter of Michael Pollan's The Omnivore's Dilemma.

It is interesting that out of any programming, I am coming to read a group of books that deals with farm life, either in a larger or a smaller context (The Omnivore's Dilemma, Invisible Boys, The power of the dog and Farm boys) and even though there might be those who turn their heads when it is concerned about rural themes, they are just necessary. Life's not only in huge urban centers. It happens all around, and there is so much to learn from all of these people, regardless of bigotry, religious fundamentalism, etc., which are prone to happen in bigger cities too.

As a final note, I could not help feeling huge empathy with these boys along all of these pages, as well those who might still live such lives all over the world, unsure of what they feel and the turmoils they have to face till they can finally come to terms with whom they are. And this is only the visible part of the iceberg all of us have to face, coming from small cities, small communities, rural areas. I wish I could hug each one of them and say: everything will be alright. But I also know that much more effort is required to assure these gay boys and men that they will be protected and helped when in need.

[Verity · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had originally given this book a 4 star rating, but I can't stop thinking about it and decided it really deserved 5 stars. It's a must read for anyone who likes M/M cowboy/farm boy stories but be warned, some may find the themes mentioned disturbing like incest, bestiality, mental and physical abuse, dubious sexual consent, pedophilia. Despite this I feel it's an important read as it does tell true stories of real men who have been brave enough to share their experiences of being a Midwestern gay man, a topic that has been much overlooked.



I came upon this book as many do- after watching Brokeback Mountain (which I watched 10 years too late and am still baffled why it took me so long...) and I did a little snooping. Apparently the actors read Farm Boys as part of their research. To top it all off Heidi Cullinan also mentions how this book changed her perception of Midwestern gay men and I can see elements of their stories in one of my favorite books of all time Nowhere Ranch.
And let me tell you about these men. Their stories are heartbreaking, painful, sometimes disturbing, they talk of isolation, loneliness, otherness and rejection. You can't help be swept away with the feeling of huge injustice, of sympathy. Some are so frankly honest,the themes mentioned so disturbing, you wonder how anyone can get out of bed in the morning and function. Some have happy endings, others are tales of lives wasted on hiding and imitating the hetero-normative way of life that is expected. There's a certain pragmatism, a "god made me this way" approach that was very interesting to read, a clear separation from the city gay scene of clubs, bars, gay pride parades. Some may say there's a level of homophobia present too amongst gay men who grew up on farms and in rural areas.



It's true most of the homosexual culture we encounter comes from urban and suburban areas and it's interesting to read what it's like to come to terms with being gay when literally such a concept does not exist in the society around you, is never mentioned, spoken about, shown on TV.
What I liked most about this book is that by reading it I felt I could give a voice to those who cannot live their lives the way they want/need to. Perhaps by sharing their stories this is the only way some of the farm boys can be honest about their history, their feelings, who they truly are.

[Heidi Cullinan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book as research for a story I wanted to write, and it completely changed not just the book I was researching but my perception of Midwestern gay men in general. I think this book also single-handedly turned me from a gay rights empathizer to a full-blown LGBT advocate. The pain revealed by the men in this book, all true stories, broke my heart and got me off my chair and into the One Iowa volunteer corps.

Most fascinating (and hopeful) is how vivid the progression through the generations is: with each passing year it's clear that the gay men interviewed felt more and more included and more and more safe. But it also reveals how much work is yet to be done and how different a gay rights struggle is in the heart of the United States than it is on the coasts or in the South. This book also reveals quite starkly that what opponents of equality truly fear is not gay men or gay sex but change, not just for their sense of community but also for the fragile sense of masculinity which props up a Midwestern social code.

I cannot recommend this book highly enough and encourage everyone to read it. It's especially good to give to friends/family members who are on the fence regarding LGBT equality and don't think it needs to be such a big deal. This book will change their mind.

[Richard Jespers · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book has been on my shelf for over twenty years. If I had read it when it was new, it might have seemed fresher. As it is, the men featured here, born between 1907 and 1967, seem stuck in their contemporary argot. I wonder if gay farm boys are still experiencing the same universals, some of which dovetail well with so-called urban gays. Young farm boys seem to have more interest in growing beautiful things like gardens instead of livestock; they enjoy cooking more than being outside. Insofar as it is possible, given small rural school districts, they become involved in the arts and often excel in them. Over and over again, you see gay farm boys say they don’t care for picking up tricks or one-night stands, that they would prefer long-term relationships but that rural life makes that kind openness impossible. The reader cannot imagine the number of these men who have sex with male siblings and other relatives before they begin to engage with and marry women. Perhaps the most prevalent commonality is the harm religion, particularly Catholicism, causes young boys and men as they search for a way to express their sexuality and find a partner with whom they can share a life. Like the urban gay youth, they more often than not experience a sympathetic mother and a distant or hostile father because the gay son doesn’t fall into line. By the end, I almost felt as if I were reading the same four or five profiles over and over again. And yet I know I wasn’t. Every gay man’s story has something in common with others and every story has its differences, its unique qualities, which set that man apart.

What would be interesting now would be for Fellows (or some other courageous writer/scholar with boundless energy) to interview gay farm boys born between 1970 and 1995. Have their experiences been different than the generations before them? How does arranging for sex online compare to picking someone up at a bar or at some Interstate rest room? Are fathers still as intractable about masculinity and what that means? Has the world at large made any dent at all into the lives or rural Americans? This fascinating book seems to invite an ongoing discussion in which these and other questions are explored.

[beardy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Being older, gay and from rural Wisconsin myself, I found parallels in a lot of these coming out stories that made me feel for these people trapped by their time, geography, religion, and lifestyle. However, some of the subject matter (bestiality, incest, femme shaming, etc) was downright disturbing. Not the brightest spot in queer history, but important historical context nonetheless.

[Cpt Hawk · Rating 5 out of 5]

"There are probably more gay farmers than we realize, but most of them aren't open about it like I am. I guess it's just the strong-willed part of me that some people have and some don't. You've got to say, hey, my life is going to be what *I* want, it's going to make *me* happy. If other people don't want to contribute to that, well, then they won't. If they can't handle it, that's too bad. It takes a lot of will and self-determination to go against your family and friends--to make people see you differently than they used to. It takes some gay people a long time to build up to that. They have to feel so much torment and depression to make them finally do it. And some people just can't do it. Instead they'll torment themselves for the rest of their lives, for the sake of all those other people."

"Two years ago, when I came out to my pastor, he said that I could only be accepted as a good Lutheran if I abstained. I'm not going to accept the church's definition of me. God made me, God loves me, and I'll duke it out with God when the time comes."

Yep, to the shelf it goes. Picked this one up by accident at a book-selling booth at Twin Cities Pride and damn--what an accidentally fantastic treat. It's an anthology-memoir(?) of the lives of various gay, rural men in the Midwest, which maybe wouldn't sound so fascinating, but it IS. Almost all these folks were raised as religious as all get-out, they never had any models, rarely had any reference texts or stories to know themselves by, were almost always surrounded by homophobic and unaccepting family, friends, neighbors, towns, etc. As a small town Midwestern gay myself, I picked up the book intrigued by the concept of kinship, but mostly I'm just humbled. Unrelated, but this book also made me realize I've been quite the dolt about my own orientation, both historically speaking and in general. It takes a lot of courage to notice and own up to yourself, and never is this harder when you know no one wants you to be doing such a thing. I just--damn. Some of these men were clueless about themselves until much later in life, others knew straightaway, but either way, getting to read their journeys to accept themselves when no one else would, it's ... I dunno. It healed something. I always love seeing all the many gay lives that have existed before me because it feels like spit in the face of every person who told me I was unnatural or something to be fixed--naw, the gays are old as plow dirt. I'd like to be more like these men. Their heart and tenacity and sincerity is something to be admired. This book's also surprisingly raunchy--had me embarrassed often but I like the candid confessions, lol. Except there is also a LOT of sexual assault. It's ... something.

[Jim · Rating 4 out of 5]

I recently reread editor Will Fellows' collection of interviews with gay men who lived and worked on farms in the Midwest. Having worked on an Ohio farm for almost a year (between colleges), I found it worth reading again for the personal stories. Men who grew up in the 1930s all the way to the 1990s told stories that had striking similarities; their close ties to religion, awkward sexual experimentation, the difficulties of working before and after school, and their difficult relationships with parents and coming out (many hadn't by the time of the interviews). Some, though, enjoyed aspects of rural life, through 4H and other activities, and found ways to return to farming in some way, despite living elsewhere. Fellows manages to retain the personal voices of the interviewees in the edited transcriptions.

[Seth Stomberger · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wowowowow. So inspiring to read about these men and the unbelievable hardships they endured growing up queer and isolated. I’m so eager for a movie or full book that’s similar to these stories. I wish everyday I was a good writer and could bring something like this to life. LOVED IT

[JOSEPH OLIVER · Rating 4 out of 5]

You will find much to reflect on in this book. It is carefully ordered by time so the oldest lives are presented first. I think the oldest man is in his mid eighties so he goes back a long way. The lives are on average four or five pages long - some shorter but none really more than that. What binds them all together is the farming background but their own particular circumstances lifts what could be a very repetitive book into something original.
Nearly all of the men have left their farming backgrounds now - some because it was a family institution at the time (partnerships or 'farm as business' unheard of) - and some because their legs couldn't carry them away quick enough. Farming can be isolating enough but for a gay teenager there was double the isolation coupled with complete lack of knowledge about their sexuality or that there were others like them.
Consistent themes remain though. The families were nearly all religious, Lutheran or Catholic mainly. This had a very stultifying effect on an already conservative way of life. It comes up all the time when the men are relating their growing up. Everything was a sin it seems and they were in no position to disagree. The mental pressure on them must have been enormous.

The distant relationships they had with their fathers (not all of them) is a common thread too. The fathers were obviously caged in by their conservative outlook and religious views too. They wanted their sons to follow in their footsteps but probably realised this wasn't going to happen with the 'gay' one. The lack of education with the fathers was a contributing factor to not being able to understand the way their sons behaved.

Some of the men went back into farming - if only in a small way - but most were glad to get out of it. The life was just too hard with little reward yet they seemed happy enough to have grown up on a farm with all its freedoms to roam about.

The writer lets the men tell their own stories and each life is followed by notes to explain to the non-American reader some of the terms and this is helpful. One of the benefits is that you can dip in and out of it because each life is short enough so it makes ideal bedtime reading.

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well, at least I'm back to reading, perhaps. Ang Lee had his 'Brokeback Mountain' leads read this before filming. I can certainly see why. For someone like myself - transplanted from the east coast - 'FB' is an illuminating read. The reasons for not coming out in the midwest do differ in some unexpected ways. But it's not surprising at all that all of these guys grew up in an environment in which homosexuality simply was not mentioned - or, if it was, it was thought of as that which dare not speak its name. The book is pretty much the guys just speaking for themselves and one certainly wants more. The candor is refreshing if at times mildly disturbing (sex with animals). Was somewhat taken back by the number of guys who longed for traditional 'girl things' (dolls, etc.), but not surprised at all by the number who felt they could never be 'man enough' for farm life. Aside from what the guys went through internally, there are quite a few accounts of M4M sex sought by 'straight'/married men.

[Kristofer · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed the stories of learning what it was like growing up on a farm in the Midwest. It was pretty eye opening as I have not been a fan of the "Bible Belt" for a long time. I guess I have a sense of naivety towards the area in general. I do think this book is quite outdated though. I would like to read another anthology of essays from people my age that grew up on a farm in the 90's - I think that would be really interesting.

[David Robertson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thoughtful and insightful. Fellows did an excellent job of curating the individuals whose interviews comprise the bulk of this book, and of editing the interviews for clarity. He has also prepared very good supplementary material to put the interviews into context. The only reason I didn't give the book a rating of five stars is that the interviews get a bit repetitive after a while.

[ILANA · Rating 5 out of 5]

True stories from gay boys growing up on farms. Painfully true. My sister had to read it for a class and hated it. I picked it up because, really, gay cowboys could never be bad. I was shocked by the honesty and shamelessness of these stories. It's refreshing.

[Wyatt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Being queer and having grown up in the rural Midwest - this book was so incredibly validating. I constantly keep thinking about how this could’ve been a lifeline for me when I was in high school.

[Eric · Rating 4 out of 5]

Even with the social progress of the 21st century, growing up and living fully as a gay man is still challenging. Social acceptance is not universal. Condemnation still continues among fundamentalists of most religious traditions. Political rights are still not available as they are for straight people. So imagine being a gay man in the 20th century and what that must have been like. In this unique study conducted by Will Fellows of the University of Madison, stories of 75 gay men, who grew up on Midwest farms, are told. The stories are varied, yet surprisingly similar - mostly parents who could not accept or understand their sons as gay men, feelings of loneliness and nobody nearby who could understand, a desire to leave the farm but also a dissatisfaction with parts or urban gay culture, and an ability to look back and see many blessings to farm life. Having grown up as an Iowa farm kids myself, I could connect to these stories in many ways. And like so much of gay literature I think this could be a valuable resource to young men today who are growing up on farms yet don't fully know how or if they can fully accept themselves for who they are. I suspect virtually ever gay man who would read this book could connect in some way to each story and experience. It could be especially valuable for gay men and their families in the agricultural community.

[Wharton Sinkler · Rating 5 out of 5]

I never thought I would have a chance to review this book which was so incredibly important to me about twenty years ago. The b0ok is really about the achievement of gay identities by men who grew up in rural and farming families. Birthdates reach from 1909 to about 1967, so there is a variety of views, but always the sense of isolation, sometimes excruciatingly so, and always the awareness of what farming gave these men in terms of courage, competence, groundedness, and the importance of keeping your word.

When I first read the book I had just come out myself, at the age of 62, so I was at least as good at denial as several of the men. I found such joyful encouragement to be myself in a healthy and centered way. For ten years I read it twice a year. I would give a copy to any guy struggling to understand his own sexuality and working to find his identity in a changing world.

[Stacey Pasternak Cullen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading these interviews, some from my own local community, was heartbreaking. In the past 100 years, you would have thought we would treat people with more respect than we did in the 1920s. The men in these interviews were brave to tell their stories and truly share what it was like to be a gay man in the rural Midwest. I would recommend this to anyone wanting to become more educated on the LGBTQ community.

[Malcolm · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book probably 15 or 20 years ago and enjoyed it a lot. I grew up in rural North Dakota (nearly everywhere in North Dakota is rural ... ) and I was always attracted to the hunky farm boys and their daddies, and I always wondered if there were "things" going on on those farms. I guess there were.

[Jennifer Bridge · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a sad book to read. I wish religious zealots and bigots would read this, I imagine they never would though, and understand the terrible consequences of their shunning of homosexuals. So many of these men married and had children which then resulted in divorce - a distressing situation for all.

[Shaun Allen · Rating 2 out of 5]

I thought that I’d enjoy this account of rural midwestern gay life, but boy, was I wrong. Entirely too much femme-shaming and animal fucking, to the point of one man regaling in graphic detail “the best fuck he ever got from a cow”. No thanks. Pass.

[Nathan O. Daube · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is and older publication and has very interesting content on the lives of rural gay men . Published in 1996 most of the viewpoints are from men who grew up before the computer age where being gay was very isolating

[AJ Immel · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's hard to rate biographies because they are compendiums of peoples lives, not stories, and not always by writers. This was a deeply valuable look into the lives of gay men from the rural midwest throughout the 1900s and I'm so grateful it exists.

[John Treat · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every chapter was a revelation, especially regarding the loneliness of farm life. This book in gay studies moved me as few have.

[Pam Gallik Rumsey · Rating 3 out of 5]

Written originally as a project for Masters degree. Some very disturbing stories, especially the one written by someone I know.

[Matthew · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was great learning afoot rural life!

[Phillip · Rating 5 out of 5]

An exceptional insight into the lives of gay men who grew up in rural settings.

[Alexis Reads Books · Rating 4 out of 5]

Perverse, educational, monologues. Bravo 👏
I found this book because I saw that it was used as character study for the cast of Broke Back Mountain.
(DNF) hehe 🤭

[Whitney · Rating 3 out of 5]

The stories themselves are compelling and fascinating. Disturbing sometimes maybe. Dull at others, maybe. But they're real and honest and raw. The problem is that the writing is very newspaper-y. I know it's not really the book's /fault/ exactly, collecting the stories of so many people means you're going to be getting a lot from people who just aren't natural storytellers, but I really think the book would have benefited from a heavier handed editor. Would it have compromised the integrity of the memories? Yeah, maybe. But it would've been much more readable. It's not that this book isn't worth reading, it's just not memorable because it's sort of a jumble in your head once you're done.

[Laura Sackton · Rating 4 out of 5]

I picked up this book because I'm doing research on the gay rural experience. Because it is important and interesting, and also because of the fiction I'm writing. There is so little attention paid to queer rural experience in a lot of mainstream gay media, and this book was really wonderful in how it delved into the oral histories of gay men who grew up on farms.

The book consists of ~30 short interviews with gay men who'd grown up on Midwestern farms, ranging from the 1940's to the 1980's. So many different experiences, some common themes, both really hopeful and really desperate. Midwestern farm culture is somewhat different from northeastern farm culture, and it was really interesting to read this book, since I'm less familiar with the sorts of rural and small-town communities it focused on.

I wish queer rural history was more visible, and I'm looking forward to reading more books that tell the stories of queer farm folks.

[Arlie]

Just call me Connie. (Sanders) I'm in the youngest of the three cohorts by decade.

And yes, Ang Lee gave Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger a copy of this book to read at the recommendation of Annie Proulx!

From IMDB: "Director Ang Lee gave Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal copies of the book, "Farm Boys: Lives of Gay Men from the Rural Midwest", by Will Fellows, a book that had been mentioned by both Annie Proulx and Diana Ossana as an excellent reference source, to help them understand their characters. Noting what he learned from his reading, Gyllenhaal said, "I don't think that these two characters even know what gay is.'" http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0388795/t...