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Tied Up in Knots: How Getting What We Wanted Made Women Miserable – A Bold Critique of Modern Gender Dynamics and Traditional Values in Contemporary Society
Fifty years after Betty Friedan unveiled The Feminine Mystique, relations between men and women in America have never been more dysfunctional. If women are more liberated than ever before, why aren't they happier? In this shocking, funny, and bluntly honest tour of today’s gender discontents, Andrea Tantaros, one of Fox News' most popular and outspoken stars, exposes how the rightful feminist pursuit of equality went too far, and how the unintended pitfalls of that power trade have made women (and men!) miserable.
In a covetous quest to attain the power that men had, women were advised to work like men, talk like men, party like men, and have sex like men. There’s just one problem: women aren’t men. Instead of feeling happy with their newfound freedoms, females today are tied up in knots, trying to strike a balance between their natural, feminine and traditional desires and what modern society dictates—and demands—through the commandments of feminism.
Revealing the mass confusion this has caused among both sexes, Tantaros argues that decades of social and economic progress haven’t brought women the peace and contentedness they were told they'd gain from their new opportunities. The pressure both to have it all and to put forth the perfectly post-worthy, filtered life for social media and society at large has left women feeling twisted. Meanwhile, in their rightful quest for equality, women have promoted themselves at the expense of their male counterparts, leaving both genders frayed and frustrated.
In this candid and humorous romp through the American cultural landscape, Tantaros reveals how gaining respect in the office—where women earned it—made them stop demanding it where they really wanted it: in their love lives. The impact of this power trade has been felt in every way, from sex to salaries, to dating and marriage, to fertility and female friendships, to the personal details they share with each other. As a result, we've lost the traditional virtues and values that we all want, regardless of our politics: intimacy, authenticity, kindness, respect, discretion, and above all commitment.
With scathing wit—and insights born of personal experience—Tantaros explores how women have taken guys off the hook in dating (much to their own detriment) and exposes how we’ve become a nation averse to intimacy and preoccupied with porn, one that has traded kindness for control, intimacy for sexting, and monogamy for polygamy. Sorry romance. Sorry decency and manners. Long talks over the telephone have been supplanted by the "belfie." All this indicates a culture that's devolving, not evolving. And it’s only getting worse.
Tied Up in Knots is a no-holds-barred gut check for the sexes and a wake-up call for a society that has decayed -- faster than anyone thought possible. It’s time to remember what we all really want out of work, love and life. Only then can we finally begin untying those knots.
In a covetous quest to attain the power that men had, women were advised to work like men, talk like men, party like men, and have sex like men. There’s just one problem: women aren’t men. Instead of feeling happy with their newfound freedoms, females today are tied up in knots, trying to strike a balance between their natural, feminine and traditional desires and what modern society dictates—and demands—through the commandments of feminism.
Revealing the mass confusion this has caused among both sexes, Tantaros argues that decades of social and economic progress haven’t brought women the peace and contentedness they were told they'd gain from their new opportunities. The pressure both to have it all and to put forth the perfectly post-worthy, filtered life for social media and society at large has left women feeling twisted. Meanwhile, in their rightful quest for equality, women have promoted themselves at the expense of their male counterparts, leaving both genders frayed and frustrated.
In this candid and humorous romp through the American cultural landscape, Tantaros reveals how gaining respect in the office—where women earned it—made them stop demanding it where they really wanted it: in their love lives. The impact of this power trade has been felt in every way, from sex to salaries, to dating and marriage, to fertility and female friendships, to the personal details they share with each other. As a result, we've lost the traditional virtues and values that we all want, regardless of our politics: intimacy, authenticity, kindness, respect, discretion, and above all commitment.
With scathing wit—and insights born of personal experience—Tantaros explores how women have taken guys off the hook in dating (much to their own detriment) and exposes how we’ve become a nation averse to intimacy and preoccupied with porn, one that has traded kindness for control, intimacy for sexting, and monogamy for polygamy. Sorry romance. Sorry decency and manners. Long talks over the telephone have been supplanted by the "belfie." All this indicates a culture that's devolving, not evolving. And it’s only getting worse.
Tied Up in Knots is a no-holds-barred gut check for the sexes and a wake-up call for a society that has decayed -- faster than anyone thought possible. It’s time to remember what we all really want out of work, love and life. Only then can we finally begin untying those knots.
256 pages, Hardcover
First published November 3, 2015
29 people are currently reading
193 people want to read
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June 3, 2016
I honestly had never heard of Andrea Tantaros before reading this book.
As a libertarian I don't agree with everything she says on television.
But this books nails the problems of women dating in society squarely on the head. I was cheering as well as shaking my head in disbelief at the insights she wrote.
The book is divided into two sections: where we were and the other half, where we are and how we got there.
There's a good amount of personal anecdotes; for someone at age 38 who has had as successful and interesting a career as Tantaros, I would hope she'd have some insight over the infantile Lena Dunham, whom she excoriates for not only lowering the bar but dismantling what's left and napalming it.
Tantaros discusses the interesting phenomenon that has become post modern feminism: that women have made themselves miserable into trying to reshape themselves to act and think like their male counterparts, while abusing, silencing, disenfranchising, and emasculating the "oppressors" they once fought to dismantle.
In trying to become more like men and at the same time using misandry (man-hate) to silence them, women have become the very thing they tried to stand against.
Tantaros also makes the interesting and what I feel is a valid argument tying all this together, that by women no longer acting as the gatekeepers of sex but f*cking (and I say f*cking because a one night stand is not intimate or love making - don't confuse the two) as indiscriminantly as men do with regards to women, the one power women always could wield with great skill and understanding, sex, has been given away to mean literally nothing more than two warm bodies and no emotional connection.
The continued coarsening of the culture, with added strength by the desire to break down all boundaries or lines we draw in the sand towards common decency and morality, is hastened by an increasingly hen-like leftist group of extra-sensitive feminist harpies. This is in addition to the excrutiating breakdown further compounded by social media with regards to dating apps.
Women have become, though this example isn't in the book but she makes the argument, the ouroboros, the snake eating its own tail. Tantaros brings a particularly painful but biting ovservation that women often cry about helping each other out, but in reality, are more oppressive and better at squashing the careers of women then men ever have.
I've experienced this first hand at several of my jobs. Women are much nastier and far more damaging to a career than any of the men I have ever worked with.
Women feminists in short have made women in generak miserable by trying to be something they aren't and dragging men and the rest of the society down the black hole of cultural rot and oblivion. Men in response have checked out with on demand sex, a variety of societal services and needs that can be paid for without the hassle of women, and a coarsening and loss of the very social mores that dictated courtship to get to marriage, children, and the continuation of the social fabric.
Someone once told me that while men may run things, it's women who are the glue that holds everything together by being the ones who raise the children. Many of today's women scare me when I see them at 20 something and wonder what they will do when they have kids, still emotionally immature and acting like life is one big dandy merry go round.
Insightful and a compelling argument, I found Tied Up in Knots to be worth the time even if it isn't my usual baileywick. Four stars
Cheers, Ms. Tantaros, Cheers.
As a libertarian I don't agree with everything she says on television.
But this books nails the problems of women dating in society squarely on the head. I was cheering as well as shaking my head in disbelief at the insights she wrote.
The book is divided into two sections: where we were and the other half, where we are and how we got there.
There's a good amount of personal anecdotes; for someone at age 38 who has had as successful and interesting a career as Tantaros, I would hope she'd have some insight over the infantile Lena Dunham, whom she excoriates for not only lowering the bar but dismantling what's left and napalming it.
Tantaros discusses the interesting phenomenon that has become post modern feminism: that women have made themselves miserable into trying to reshape themselves to act and think like their male counterparts, while abusing, silencing, disenfranchising, and emasculating the "oppressors" they once fought to dismantle.
In trying to become more like men and at the same time using misandry (man-hate) to silence them, women have become the very thing they tried to stand against.
Tantaros also makes the interesting and what I feel is a valid argument tying all this together, that by women no longer acting as the gatekeepers of sex but f*cking (and I say f*cking because a one night stand is not intimate or love making - don't confuse the two) as indiscriminantly as men do with regards to women, the one power women always could wield with great skill and understanding, sex, has been given away to mean literally nothing more than two warm bodies and no emotional connection.
The continued coarsening of the culture, with added strength by the desire to break down all boundaries or lines we draw in the sand towards common decency and morality, is hastened by an increasingly hen-like leftist group of extra-sensitive feminist harpies. This is in addition to the excrutiating breakdown further compounded by social media with regards to dating apps.
Women have become, though this example isn't in the book but she makes the argument, the ouroboros, the snake eating its own tail. Tantaros brings a particularly painful but biting ovservation that women often cry about helping each other out, but in reality, are more oppressive and better at squashing the careers of women then men ever have.
I've experienced this first hand at several of my jobs. Women are much nastier and far more damaging to a career than any of the men I have ever worked with.
Women feminists in short have made women in generak miserable by trying to be something they aren't and dragging men and the rest of the society down the black hole of cultural rot and oblivion. Men in response have checked out with on demand sex, a variety of societal services and needs that can be paid for without the hassle of women, and a coarsening and loss of the very social mores that dictated courtship to get to marriage, children, and the continuation of the social fabric.
Someone once told me that while men may run things, it's women who are the glue that holds everything together by being the ones who raise the children. Many of today's women scare me when I see them at 20 something and wonder what they will do when they have kids, still emotionally immature and acting like life is one big dandy merry go round.
Insightful and a compelling argument, I found Tied Up in Knots to be worth the time even if it isn't my usual baileywick. Four stars
Cheers, Ms. Tantaros, Cheers.
March 10, 2017
This book is not what it proclaimed to be in the synopsis and some of the issues weren't even mentioned. It was more of a whine about how men just want to have sex and all women are just dying to be married and of course she blames feminism for this. I think she is projecting her own issues because I could not relate to so much of this. She truly seems to believe that the only reason the marriage rate has gone down is because men can "get the cow for free" . How is it possible that it has not occured to her that not all women are dying to get married and that many are making a conscious decision not to .
In her book, she writes as though marriage primarily benefits women but in actuality, men benefit more from marriage. She seems stuck on men giving up monogamy and women clamoring for it and can't even entertain the thought that not all women want monogamy. She wrote that women are pretending that they don't want it when they do. Perhaps some of them are, but many women are not naturally monogamous either. Her comments about how marriage becomes all about the women are ridiculous. I am sure there are some such marriages but men get more out of it than women as far as their professional advancement, health, and life happiness.
Ms. Tantaros is ignorant as far as the matters of divorce and alimony and child support and the courts. She wrote about how financially devastating it is to men who have to give up 1/2 their assets and pay their ex-wife forever to sit around and do nothing (paraphrased). I don't know where she gets this nonsense because while I am sure that has happened, typically the mother is far worse off financially than the man. Typically, women either opt out while the child are young or take a less demanding career path because they are essentially working another full time job raising the child, running, the household, and managing the family's lives. This is turn allows the man to fully focus on his career and be available in a way that he wouldn't be if she weren't doing these things. In the case of divorce, he moves on with his higher earning potential and she is at a disadvantage. Lifelong alimony is a rare thing and alimony payments are generally low and short-term . I suspect that those she surrounds herself with are in the top 10% of our society who make $150,000 or more so she isn't in touch with the 'average'.
I have no idea what she means about men become feminized because she seems to believe that they are lazy hyper-sexual slobs from what I read . I give men more credit than that.
If a woman wants to stay home and be a housewife/stay at home mother, of course she can. However, she must choose her husband wisely. There are still many who do live this way. The point is that many women want more or something different than this, not that they can no longer have this scenario. However, she says not a word about what happens when you lose your economic dependence, what a vulnerable position this puts a woman in.
I agree that women shouldn't force themselves to be masculine in the workforce, feminine energy has it's own power. However, some of these women are not "forcing" it, some women simply have masculine energy. Be yourself. I also agree that some women are horrible to other women in the workforce, however, her comment about how some of them wanted other women to 'pay their dues'. Of course, why shouldn't they have to pay their dues?
I thought it was catty of her to call out Mika Brzinski (sp?). She didn't have to name her.
I agree that it's asinine that men are treated as buffoons in sit coms and I don't watch them. I also agree that it is loving to do things for your partner , whether it's make them a sandwich or whatever, and that not every gesture of kindness is political.
Her comments about monogamy (once again she's a bit obsessed) and repeatedly asking why people marry if they aren't going to remain 'faithful' shows her ignorance. Of course when people marry, they too believe they will have lifelong bliss and never screw up. That is not the reality for many however. But people generally don't go into a marriage expecting trouble ahead as they tend to marry when they are in that hormonal state of 'in love'.
I agree with her that expecting men to watch chickflicks when we won't watch sports is a double standard. I have never demanded a man watch anything with me. I also agree that not saying why you are upset and pretending not to be upset when you are is very immature, destructive, and actually quite selfish. I've never understood why anyone would do that.
I completely disagree with her that EVERY girl grows up dreaming of being married and her going on about how her hairdresser is the envy of all women for being married to her high school sweetheart is once again her own projection, marrying that young sounds horrifying to me. (but each to their own, some are happy that way)
To say things like feminist goals are to make men's lives miserable and to make men feel useless are simply immature and childish. While certainly there are some men hating feminists, this is not the average feminist. Does she not realize that she wouldn't have her amazing career if not for feminism?
It is hard to take someone seriously who references the Kardashians so much.
Tinder is for hook ups so of course most men on there are looking for sex. If you are looking for a relationship, go to eharmony or match or a religious on line dating service not one that promotes itself as a hook up site.
Is this line some kind of ironic joke. "I was terrified at math and science and real very good (sic) at English and writing."
I agree that people should be more authentic, share their feelings, and be who they are. I agree that intimacy is a vital part of our lives, or should be.
People on the left make the argument personal? People on the right are just as guilty, I also have people who feel it's not enough that I'm wrong but I must actually be a horrible person to boot.
That person was right when they said that birth control was responsible for her being where she is today. She may have busted her butt but she would not have been in a position to do so if she had no control over her reproductive life.
I do agree that women loving how they look is empowering and shouldn't be seen as vain. I completely disagree that women hate other women who are prettier than they are, once again, perhaps her projection of what she does. She is also wrong to say that there aren't women are there who will sincerely build you up when it comes to your appearance. O yes, there are.
Most women are not struggling with making decisions about plastic surgery, most can not afford it.
The Fit Mom was criticized because her "what's your excuse" was saying to women that they had better damn well look like her and if they don't, they need to justify it. No, just no.
Arguing that something is crossing the line because it embarrasses the kids means that parents can do absolutely nothing once their child hits about middle school.
I completely agree that people must be very vigilant about what appears on their social media or on-line about them and that it can have life long consequences.
There are many women who are in loving tribes of women who support and care about each other and if she can't find any women that way, perhaps she should look at the common denominator.
Why is Angelina the evil one who broke up the marriage? Is Brad not the one who actually took the vows? Isn't he the evil one if one must be evil?
I am friends with many of my exes. It doesn't mean I pretended to not care when I did. And I did go through a grieving period but because we simply were incompatible didn't mean I thought they were bad people.
"I finally got him, I can settle down is the women's dream and the man's dream of having other women dies?" Seriously? They are both giving up their sexual and romantic freedom, it costs both of them something. (assuming they are agreeing to be monogamous and yes, non monogamy works for many)
Overall, while I agreed with some of her points, I thought this would be more about how practical advice and not her whinefest. I'm glad I read it as it was extremely thought provoking and made me consider my opinions of many beliefs.
In her book, she writes as though marriage primarily benefits women but in actuality, men benefit more from marriage. She seems stuck on men giving up monogamy and women clamoring for it and can't even entertain the thought that not all women want monogamy. She wrote that women are pretending that they don't want it when they do. Perhaps some of them are, but many women are not naturally monogamous either. Her comments about how marriage becomes all about the women are ridiculous. I am sure there are some such marriages but men get more out of it than women as far as their professional advancement, health, and life happiness.
Ms. Tantaros is ignorant as far as the matters of divorce and alimony and child support and the courts. She wrote about how financially devastating it is to men who have to give up 1/2 their assets and pay their ex-wife forever to sit around and do nothing (paraphrased). I don't know where she gets this nonsense because while I am sure that has happened, typically the mother is far worse off financially than the man. Typically, women either opt out while the child are young or take a less demanding career path because they are essentially working another full time job raising the child, running, the household, and managing the family's lives. This is turn allows the man to fully focus on his career and be available in a way that he wouldn't be if she weren't doing these things. In the case of divorce, he moves on with his higher earning potential and she is at a disadvantage. Lifelong alimony is a rare thing and alimony payments are generally low and short-term . I suspect that those she surrounds herself with are in the top 10% of our society who make $150,000 or more so she isn't in touch with the 'average'.
I have no idea what she means about men become feminized because she seems to believe that they are lazy hyper-sexual slobs from what I read . I give men more credit than that.
If a woman wants to stay home and be a housewife/stay at home mother, of course she can. However, she must choose her husband wisely. There are still many who do live this way. The point is that many women want more or something different than this, not that they can no longer have this scenario. However, she says not a word about what happens when you lose your economic dependence, what a vulnerable position this puts a woman in.
I agree that women shouldn't force themselves to be masculine in the workforce, feminine energy has it's own power. However, some of these women are not "forcing" it, some women simply have masculine energy. Be yourself. I also agree that some women are horrible to other women in the workforce, however, her comment about how some of them wanted other women to 'pay their dues'. Of course, why shouldn't they have to pay their dues?
I thought it was catty of her to call out Mika Brzinski (sp?). She didn't have to name her.
I agree that it's asinine that men are treated as buffoons in sit coms and I don't watch them. I also agree that it is loving to do things for your partner , whether it's make them a sandwich or whatever, and that not every gesture of kindness is political.
Her comments about monogamy (once again she's a bit obsessed) and repeatedly asking why people marry if they aren't going to remain 'faithful' shows her ignorance. Of course when people marry, they too believe they will have lifelong bliss and never screw up. That is not the reality for many however. But people generally don't go into a marriage expecting trouble ahead as they tend to marry when they are in that hormonal state of 'in love'.
I agree with her that expecting men to watch chickflicks when we won't watch sports is a double standard. I have never demanded a man watch anything with me. I also agree that not saying why you are upset and pretending not to be upset when you are is very immature, destructive, and actually quite selfish. I've never understood why anyone would do that.
I completely disagree with her that EVERY girl grows up dreaming of being married and her going on about how her hairdresser is the envy of all women for being married to her high school sweetheart is once again her own projection, marrying that young sounds horrifying to me. (but each to their own, some are happy that way)
To say things like feminist goals are to make men's lives miserable and to make men feel useless are simply immature and childish. While certainly there are some men hating feminists, this is not the average feminist. Does she not realize that she wouldn't have her amazing career if not for feminism?
It is hard to take someone seriously who references the Kardashians so much.
Tinder is for hook ups so of course most men on there are looking for sex. If you are looking for a relationship, go to eharmony or match or a religious on line dating service not one that promotes itself as a hook up site.
Is this line some kind of ironic joke. "I was terrified at math and science and real very good (sic) at English and writing."
I agree that people should be more authentic, share their feelings, and be who they are. I agree that intimacy is a vital part of our lives, or should be.
People on the left make the argument personal? People on the right are just as guilty, I also have people who feel it's not enough that I'm wrong but I must actually be a horrible person to boot.
That person was right when they said that birth control was responsible for her being where she is today. She may have busted her butt but she would not have been in a position to do so if she had no control over her reproductive life.
I do agree that women loving how they look is empowering and shouldn't be seen as vain. I completely disagree that women hate other women who are prettier than they are, once again, perhaps her projection of what she does. She is also wrong to say that there aren't women are there who will sincerely build you up when it comes to your appearance. O yes, there are.
Most women are not struggling with making decisions about plastic surgery, most can not afford it.
The Fit Mom was criticized because her "what's your excuse" was saying to women that they had better damn well look like her and if they don't, they need to justify it. No, just no.
Arguing that something is crossing the line because it embarrasses the kids means that parents can do absolutely nothing once their child hits about middle school.
I completely agree that people must be very vigilant about what appears on their social media or on-line about them and that it can have life long consequences.
There are many women who are in loving tribes of women who support and care about each other and if she can't find any women that way, perhaps she should look at the common denominator.
Why is Angelina the evil one who broke up the marriage? Is Brad not the one who actually took the vows? Isn't he the evil one if one must be evil?
I am friends with many of my exes. It doesn't mean I pretended to not care when I did. And I did go through a grieving period but because we simply were incompatible didn't mean I thought they were bad people.
"I finally got him, I can settle down is the women's dream and the man's dream of having other women dies?" Seriously? They are both giving up their sexual and romantic freedom, it costs both of them something. (assuming they are agreeing to be monogamous and yes, non monogamy works for many)
Overall, while I agreed with some of her points, I thought this would be more about how practical advice and not her whinefest. I'm glad I read it as it was extremely thought provoking and made me consider my opinions of many beliefs.
March 7, 2022
I picked up this book because it looked interesting. I was not familiar with the author. I am politically conservative, but do not regularly watch Fox News (or any cable news) because we don't have cable at home. I prefer to read!
The author describes herself as a member of Gen X, but she acts like an annoying millennial. Opinionated, mouthy, whiny, entitled and into drama. She had some valid points, but they were undercut by her abrasive and whiny personality.
For the most part, she did not seem to have an authentic voice. It felt like she was parroting phrases and ideas to get attention, and not following those ideas through to their intellectual conclusion. She contradicted herself constantly, sometimes within the same paragraph. She acted like a bull in a china shop with no subtle appreciation or understanding. This might make for good pundit tv, but it does not make for a good book.
She assumes many liberal and feminist worldviews in her arguments. For example, she repeatedly mentions how she and other women want "more" than a life at home. As if this bratty girl knows what life with a husband and children at home is really like. As a homemaker, I was personally offended by her comments.
Other excepts include:
"Its beneficial to be superb at networking with a band of Louboutin-clad foot soldiers."
"Women have it harder than the men do. I'm not saying that to be a victim, I'm saying that to be a truth teller."
Later, she talks about being proud of how "strong" she & her personality are. As an extension of this, she claims to be proud of her "bluntness and intolerance for BS". It seemed to me that she was just rude and very immature.
She also has a mean-girl view of the world, which I loathe. In real life, most people (including women) are awesome. She seems to see women in the professional world like a nasty sorority. Women who complain about that type of thing are usually into drama and help create the environment they complain about.
This author is "on my side" in our increasingly partisan world, but I cringe at the idea of her representing me. Her book had a low-brow and dumbing effect.
She likes to speak as a voice of her generation. Hopefully she will have something meaningful to say in a couple decades, when she has experienced more life with all its nuances and developed her own thoughts and insights. And a more respectful way to say it.
The author describes herself as a member of Gen X, but she acts like an annoying millennial. Opinionated, mouthy, whiny, entitled and into drama. She had some valid points, but they were undercut by her abrasive and whiny personality.
For the most part, she did not seem to have an authentic voice. It felt like she was parroting phrases and ideas to get attention, and not following those ideas through to their intellectual conclusion. She contradicted herself constantly, sometimes within the same paragraph. She acted like a bull in a china shop with no subtle appreciation or understanding. This might make for good pundit tv, but it does not make for a good book.
She assumes many liberal and feminist worldviews in her arguments. For example, she repeatedly mentions how she and other women want "more" than a life at home. As if this bratty girl knows what life with a husband and children at home is really like. As a homemaker, I was personally offended by her comments.
Other excepts include:
"Its beneficial to be superb at networking with a band of Louboutin-clad foot soldiers."
"Women have it harder than the men do. I'm not saying that to be a victim, I'm saying that to be a truth teller."
Later, she talks about being proud of how "strong" she & her personality are. As an extension of this, she claims to be proud of her "bluntness and intolerance for BS". It seemed to me that she was just rude and very immature.
She also has a mean-girl view of the world, which I loathe. In real life, most people (including women) are awesome. She seems to see women in the professional world like a nasty sorority. Women who complain about that type of thing are usually into drama and help create the environment they complain about.
This author is "on my side" in our increasingly partisan world, but I cringe at the idea of her representing me. Her book had a low-brow and dumbing effect.
She likes to speak as a voice of her generation. Hopefully she will have something meaningful to say in a couple decades, when she has experienced more life with all its nuances and developed her own thoughts and insights. And a more respectful way to say it.
May 19, 2016
I came of age in the late 60s and entered a largely male profession (there were 7 women in my medical school class of 100), married a classmate 42 years ago, stayed married to him, raised three boys, and enjoyed life immensely. As a mother of young children I was appalled at the feminization of the schools, the fall of science to an almost optional subject category, and the rising political correctness, even back in the eighties.
My rating of this book is colored by my demographic and my life experience, and also by the type of reading I normally do - not generally in the chick lit category. I picked this book up because I was happy to see a media star raise the issue of feminism's role in the social world young women and men now inhabit. One star for taking on the subject and a second star for the chapter on Tinder - a Pandora's box if there ever was one. More supporting material about things like the studies on contempt in relationships or the role of the schools in the deterioration of men would have made me add a star. Better editing with an eye to cutting repetition even another.
My rating of this book is colored by my demographic and my life experience, and also by the type of reading I normally do - not generally in the chick lit category. I picked this book up because I was happy to see a media star raise the issue of feminism's role in the social world young women and men now inhabit. One star for taking on the subject and a second star for the chapter on Tinder - a Pandora's box if there ever was one. More supporting material about things like the studies on contempt in relationships or the role of the schools in the deterioration of men would have made me add a star. Better editing with an eye to cutting repetition even another.
June 3, 2016
This book is intelligent and thought provoking. Andrea is very much a no-nonsense person and you can really see her personality through her writing. The reason why I only gave it three stars was because I felt like the book was s little bit "all over the place" and also kinda felt like it was more of her own personal rants and did not cite as many facts as I had thought it would. All in all I would recommend the book.
March 9, 2017
The author is incredibly abrasive, and claims that women are back-stabbers and men are intimidated by tough, smart, successful women. Actually, I have found women to be pleasant coworkers and friends, and men to be incredibly attracted to successful, intelligent women -- as long as you're not obnoxious. I gave up on page 79, sad because I really am interested to hear her sometimes insightful thoughts on feminism, but her tone was just more than I could bear.
November 2, 2017
Andrea Tantaros's commentary about the modern woman is both insightful and a breath of fresh air. As a woman in my late twenties, the arguments presented in this book hit home for me. I grew up with a conservative family and was taught the same values. In today's society this upbringing isn't very popular. So it was a nice change to hear a strong woman in the media willing to champion these often ignored aspects of womanhood. No matter your political or personal leanings, I believe every woman should take the time to read Andrea Tantaros's story. Not only is Tied Up in Knots a moving personal account but it also challenges us to champion strengths women are known for both in the past and present.
May 31, 2016
Women today are freer than ever to choose what to do with their lives in many realms in which women of the 30s, 40s and 50s could not even imagine, and it does come along with the liberties achieved by the hard work of activists and women rights warriors. It's because of such great women, today's women have this extra freedom of "being a little bewildered" or appear on the cover as xxx film stars... The double standard lies in her critic of such freedoms...
June 6, 2016
Disappointing. Although I have admired the author on news programs, I listened to only the first two CDs of this book on audio. Lots of (paraphrased) "I am strong, I am pretty, I am wealthy, I am sexy, I am smart." She offers some good observations on work relationships, personal relationships, and family structure. I just could not get past the "I am(s)."
May 12, 2016
Andrea Tantoros has to be one of the smartest women around. She puts into words most if not all of my feelings about feminism and our culture today. Just brilliant!
September 14, 2025
This book certainly could be considered a candid and humorous romp through the American cultural landscape. Andrea takes on all-comers and issues regarding the relationships of females to male and other females. I would have to agree with her overall assessment that feminism has done a grave disservice to women, and the gains do not cover the significant losses. And now we see where transgender ideals are spread while the feminists sit on their hands and do nothing losing much that they have gained over the years for females. I did learn a thing or two from our author though I would say I probably overall disagree with her on the conclusions she comes to more often than not. She is correct in that conservatism needs to have a voice in these weighty matters and steer the public discourse into the correct direction. Where is God in all this? No where to be found that is for sure. Our relationships, communication skills and the family in trouble, tragically yes.
January 1, 2018
I was surprised that I liked this book, given that I'm a Democrat and Tantaros has said some stunningly awful things on Fox News. But I don't think she is wrong that feminism has been a mixed bag of blessings. She is certainly right that women often treat other women atrociously in the workplace and that technology fueled hook-up culture makes real intimacy almost impossible. I felt sympathy for her when she talked about her special needs brother who died and I can also emphasize with the struggles of being a single woman. It's so weird to me that she dates Dave Navarro. I get it on her part because he is sexy and vaguely reminds me of an ex, but what an odd couple.
July 11, 2017
I gave this book two stars for a couple of reason. There some things that think Mrs. Tantaros is spot on with. While there some things she a little off. I like how she had a personal touch with the book. I also like that she cam from a different perspective; being that she was "political." Not a bad read and interesting enough.
May 16, 2018
This book is us laid bare. It isn’t rosey but it’s the stark truth. Not many women, or men for that matter are willing to be this honest today. We need more of this but honestly we need to listen more and take heed of what is being said.
January 15, 2022
Don’t waste your time. This is an absolutely useless book. I tried but got so tired of reading about her own relationship issues and own issues. This has no impact on professional women and really sets feminism back.
May 24, 2017
Very good book!
January 26, 2024
Struggling between a 2-3 rating; guess that means 2.5 in my world, and today it’s getting rounded up😉
March 5, 2017
I've always loved Andrea Tantaros, and I have identified with her from the start. Her book was so spot on and thought provoking. She was able to articulate the same thoughts and feelings I've been having for the past few years, and it was refreshing to know I'm not alone. She was honest, as always, and it's okay to admit that getting what we thought we wanted has made us miserable. But if we recognize it and take steps to realize what is most important to us and how to have healthy personal relationships, there is hope.
July 14, 2016
WHAT A GREAT BOOK! When I first bought the book, I thought it might have been written primarily for women. Once I started reading it, the messages for men was loud and strong. This is a book that everyone should read if they want to get ahead in this screwy world but especially women. I learned about how women think and why they think the way they do. I also learned a great deal about men and how they also think and why but more importantly how the mental processes between how men think and women think and visa versa lead to a lot more problems that ever need be. Could not help but wonder where books like this were when I was twenty or even thirty or forty. Anyone who passes up reading this book will undoubtedly have relationship problems in their future that might have been avoided had they read the book. Blunt, to the point and to some degree a big surprise in how Andrea describes certain events in her life.
May 19, 2022
I actually had to remove a star and a half. I get that women can't have it all and make it work but all this was just flogging a dead horse over and over again. Where are the solutions? Yes, there's a problem but I never read any suggestions to fix or combat the problems. It's just loads of whining and complaining.
And the author keeps saying she doesn't hate men but then bashes then just as much as she says feminists/liberals do. Also, for someone who is allegedly a "conservative" she comes off extremely liberal. I felt this was more a self centered complaint about why the author had trouble finding and keeping a boyfriend wrapped up in a diatribe against everyone who doesn't agree with her politically and ideologically.
And the author keeps saying she doesn't hate men but then bashes then just as much as she says feminists/liberals do. Also, for someone who is allegedly a "conservative" she comes off extremely liberal. I felt this was more a self centered complaint about why the author had trouble finding and keeping a boyfriend wrapped up in a diatribe against everyone who doesn't agree with her politically and ideologically.
April 29, 2016
Where was this book when I was in my 20's? This is part memoir, part advice column, and part social criticism. I feel like a better person after reading this book and I know I'll be a better woman for it. I laughed, I cried, I cringed when some parts hit too close to home.
This is written simply, with wit and with kindness.
I will recommend this book to the young women I teach with the hope they take away some crucial advice. Be tough, be nice, don't let people walk all over you, but don't be cruel. Don't settle!! Have high standards for yourself and others.
Thank you, Andrea for a great read!!!
This is written simply, with wit and with kindness.
I will recommend this book to the young women I teach with the hope they take away some crucial advice. Be tough, be nice, don't let people walk all over you, but don't be cruel. Don't settle!! Have high standards for yourself and others.
Thank you, Andrea for a great read!!!
July 6, 2016
Ever wonder about all the pitfalls of feminism? How it seems backwards and failing despite the attention given to it. In this book, Tantaros divides the book in two sections: where we were in feminist culture, and how we got there. She gave practical advice such as how women need to play our game (capitalize on our own strength) and not their game (men’s strengths).
As a highschooler I really enjoyed Tantaros’ style of writing. She was kind, firm, and fair. She used personal stories in a thought provoking mannerism. The book was brilliant and totally captivated the problems in modern day feminism.
As a highschooler I really enjoyed Tantaros’ style of writing. She was kind, firm, and fair. She used personal stories in a thought provoking mannerism. The book was brilliant and totally captivated the problems in modern day feminism.
June 3, 2016
This book was just OK but I think there are better options out there for conservative women who don't embrace today's brand of feminism. Nothing is really backed by research - the book starts out with some biographical information and the rest of the book consists mostly of Tantaros' opinion on feminism, society and cultural decay. This might be a good "starter" book for delving into the subject matter, but after having read other titles from some of her peers/colleagues, this one falls a little short in comparison.
July 26, 2016
Brings up many good points. Has too many details of people's personal lives to recommend to my teenage friends. The political comment I enjoyed the most is that if we are conservatives we need to define what we possess in our society we find of value that we want to conserve; and then we need to protect it. We can't be vague and just want to turn back the clock... time travel is not real. We need to be specific. We need to draw lines. We need to protect what is precious to us.
June 30, 2016
I thought this book was well-written and fair. The author works for Fox News and I'm more of a CNN girl. :) However, she was honest, politically fair, strong, but most importantly kind. All the things women should be whether red or blue.
Want to read
April 25, 2016More here.
July 26, 2016
Good commentary on today's world of "feminism" and how it has eroded our values. Tantaros is a good writer, and provided personal experiences as well as statistics.
July 1, 2016
It wasn't what I thought it would be, but still an interesting read. Definitely written for women.
July 15, 2016
Interesting commentary on modern relationships.
October 17, 2020
Great book
Learned a lot about the younger generation. How women treat each other. WOW!! Never thought women could treat each other in such a negative way. Amazing!!
Learned a lot about the younger generation. How women treat each other. WOW!! Never thought women could treat each other in such a negative way. Amazing!!
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