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The Last Act of Love: The Story of My Brother and His Sister
A Richard and Judy Book club selection.In the summer of 1990, Cathy's brother Matty was knocked down by a car on the way home from a night out. It was two weeks before his GCSE results, which turned out to be the best in his school. Sitting by his unconscious body in hospital, holding his hand and watching his heartbeat on the monitors, Cathy and her parents willed him to survive. They did not know then that there are many and various fates worse than death. This is the story of what happened to Cathy and her brother, and the unimaginable decision that she and her parents had to make eight years after the night that changed everything. It's a story for anyone who has ever watched someone suffer or lost someone they loved or lived through a painful time that left them forever changed. Told with boundless warmth and affection, The Last Act of Love by Cathy Rentzenbrink is a heartbreaking yet uplifting testament to a family's survival and the price we pay for love.
271 pages, Kindle Edition
First published July 1, 2015
127 people are currently reading
9821 people want to read
About the author
Cathy Rentzenbrink
14 books324 followersCathy Rentzenbrink grew up in Yorkshire and now lives in London. A former Waterstones bookseller, she is now Project Director of the charity Quick Reads and Associate Editor of The Bookseller magazine.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 539 reviews
July 9, 2015
Cathy and I have a few things in common. She's from Goole which is not far away from Gainsborough, where I live. Her Dad is Irish, so is my Mum. She went to college in Scunthorpe and she works for a charity, I worked for a charity running a project in Scunthorpe - teaching literacy skills to young offenders. There are other things too, memories of Pink Floyd lyrics, smoking and drinking under-age, village pubs and lock-ins, loving books and reading. Another major, stand-out thing ... brothers.
I have a brother. Cathy had a brother.
The Last Acts of Love is a memoir, it's a book that is written with such searing honesty that I cried twice before I reached page 40. I cried for Cathy, and I cried for her brother Matty. I cried because she talked about how close they were and how much she loved him, I cried because I tried to imagine how she felt, and it hurt.
Cathy and her brother Matty were so close, only a year apart in age, they were not just siblings, they were friends. They enjoyed the same things, they shared a sense of humour, they came from a good, hard working family. Matty was just sixteen when he was mown down by a car as he walked home with friends. Cathy prayed to a God that she didn't believe in, she prayed that he would live. He did live, he lived for eight long years. Those eight long years taught Cathy and her parents that it is possible to grieve for someone who is alive.
This could have so easily been a story of misery and sentiment, but it isn't. Cathy Rentzenbrink is an extraordinarily talented writer. Her writing is honest, and breathtaking, and touching and incredibly moving, yet it is not in the least bit dramatic or self-pitying. Cathy doesn't gloss over the facts, or try to hide her feelings and is quite brutal with herself at times.
Writing The Last Acts of Love must have been difficult for Cathy Rentzenbrink, yet she has bravely shared her story, and her brother. Her courageous decision to open up her heart and her wounds will become a lasting legacy to her brother Matty, she brings his spirit and personality to life within the pages.
I have a brother. Cathy had a brother.
The Last Acts of Love is a memoir, it's a book that is written with such searing honesty that I cried twice before I reached page 40. I cried for Cathy, and I cried for her brother Matty. I cried because she talked about how close they were and how much she loved him, I cried because I tried to imagine how she felt, and it hurt.
Cathy and her brother Matty were so close, only a year apart in age, they were not just siblings, they were friends. They enjoyed the same things, they shared a sense of humour, they came from a good, hard working family. Matty was just sixteen when he was mown down by a car as he walked home with friends. Cathy prayed to a God that she didn't believe in, she prayed that he would live. He did live, he lived for eight long years. Those eight long years taught Cathy and her parents that it is possible to grieve for someone who is alive.
This could have so easily been a story of misery and sentiment, but it isn't. Cathy Rentzenbrink is an extraordinarily talented writer. Her writing is honest, and breathtaking, and touching and incredibly moving, yet it is not in the least bit dramatic or self-pitying. Cathy doesn't gloss over the facts, or try to hide her feelings and is quite brutal with herself at times.
Writing The Last Acts of Love must have been difficult for Cathy Rentzenbrink, yet she has bravely shared her story, and her brother. Her courageous decision to open up her heart and her wounds will become a lasting legacy to her brother Matty, she brings his spirit and personality to life within the pages.
September 14, 2016
(3.5) “‘I had a brother. He died,’ I’d say. It pleased me that it was a version of the six-word short story made famous by Ernest Hemingway.” That’s the shorthand, but this wrenching memoir fills in the background. In the summer of 1990 Rentzenbrink’s younger brother Matty, 16 and about to receive his excellent GCSE test results, was hit by a car and sustained a head injury that left him in a persistent vegetative state. It took years to realize that, desperate as she and her parents were to keep Matty alive, it would have been much better if he’d died that night. Instead it took eight years and a court order for them to allow him to die.
What I appreciated most about this book was not necessarily the details about Matty’s life and death, but the way Rentzenbrink tracks her own shifting emotions in the years when she was a troubled university student and later a bereaved young wife and then divorcee, still suffering the effects of grief so many years after Matty’s accident. “I could feel myself becoming a less pleasant person and was often angry and resentful. … I need to be able to vacuum-pack away my heart, make it tiny and protected and put it in a cupboard or under the bed so I can get it out again and open it when time has passed and it’s safe to feel.”
Unfortunately this suffers a bit in comparison to Beyond the High Blue Air by Lu Spinney, a memoir of her son’s minimally conscious state after a snowboarding accident. Spinney’s account is more consciously literary in contrast to Rentzenbrink’s plain speaking and everyday metaphors, but both stories are well told and touching. The later chapters of this book are the strongest, especially the final one, as she charts the things that helped bring her back to life – marriage and motherhood, reading and jobs working with books and literacy, and some simple compassion for herself.
I look forward to seeing Cathy Rentzenbrink speak at an event in London next week. She’ll be in conversation with Michel Faber, author of Undying, about grief in literature.
What I appreciated most about this book was not necessarily the details about Matty’s life and death, but the way Rentzenbrink tracks her own shifting emotions in the years when she was a troubled university student and later a bereaved young wife and then divorcee, still suffering the effects of grief so many years after Matty’s accident. “I could feel myself becoming a less pleasant person and was often angry and resentful. … I need to be able to vacuum-pack away my heart, make it tiny and protected and put it in a cupboard or under the bed so I can get it out again and open it when time has passed and it’s safe to feel.”
Unfortunately this suffers a bit in comparison to Beyond the High Blue Air by Lu Spinney, a memoir of her son’s minimally conscious state after a snowboarding accident. Spinney’s account is more consciously literary in contrast to Rentzenbrink’s plain speaking and everyday metaphors, but both stories are well told and touching. The later chapters of this book are the strongest, especially the final one, as she charts the things that helped bring her back to life – marriage and motherhood, reading and jobs working with books and literacy, and some simple compassion for herself.
I look forward to seeing Cathy Rentzenbrink speak at an event in London next week. She’ll be in conversation with Michel Faber, author of Undying, about grief in literature.
March 8, 2021
‘‘I’ve saved your son’s life Mr Mintern’, the surgeon said. ‘We don’t know yet whether that was the right thing to do’’.
The son is Matty, Matthew Peter Mintern, a strapping 6ft 4in boy. He is only 16 years old. He has been involved in a hit-an-run leaving him with a serious head injury. His devoted sister, Cathy, tells the story. ‘The thing she feared was that her brother would die, but I know now it would have been better for everyone if he had.’ At the time of the accident Cathy was praying for him not to die. This was the wrong prayer she says in hindsight.
This is a hard book to read. What must it have been like to write? To live through? The accident happened in August 1990. Matty is diagnosed as ‘being in a Persistent Vegetative State’, paralysed and brain-damaged. Cathy goes over how the family cared for him. Really, what kind of life is this for Matty? Matty’s mother had to give up her career and Cathy stalls school to be a carer while dad tries to make ends meet running the pub. It is tough and it does not get any easier with time. ‘Would Matty have wanted this life? Unable to do anything except open his eyes, have epileptic fits, occasionally make noises when in pain?'
The amazing thing about this book is that in no time at all you care for Cathy and her family so when the accident happens as you know it will it hits you like a brick wall. Cathy is so honest in her writing not only at the time of the accident, but when caring for Matty and her battles with depression after.
This book is important, not just for Cathy’s healing, but also for those that have lost a child or sibling. At one-point Cathy recites a statistic that there are 6,000 people in the UK that are in a vegetative state. How awful. I had no idea.
I wish Cathy and her family all the very best and she should be really proud of her book.
The son is Matty, Matthew Peter Mintern, a strapping 6ft 4in boy. He is only 16 years old. He has been involved in a hit-an-run leaving him with a serious head injury. His devoted sister, Cathy, tells the story. ‘The thing she feared was that her brother would die, but I know now it would have been better for everyone if he had.’ At the time of the accident Cathy was praying for him not to die. This was the wrong prayer she says in hindsight.
This is a hard book to read. What must it have been like to write? To live through? The accident happened in August 1990. Matty is diagnosed as ‘being in a Persistent Vegetative State’, paralysed and brain-damaged. Cathy goes over how the family cared for him. Really, what kind of life is this for Matty? Matty’s mother had to give up her career and Cathy stalls school to be a carer while dad tries to make ends meet running the pub. It is tough and it does not get any easier with time. ‘Would Matty have wanted this life? Unable to do anything except open his eyes, have epileptic fits, occasionally make noises when in pain?'
The amazing thing about this book is that in no time at all you care for Cathy and her family so when the accident happens as you know it will it hits you like a brick wall. Cathy is so honest in her writing not only at the time of the accident, but when caring for Matty and her battles with depression after.
This book is important, not just for Cathy’s healing, but also for those that have lost a child or sibling. At one-point Cathy recites a statistic that there are 6,000 people in the UK that are in a vegetative state. How awful. I had no idea.
I wish Cathy and her family all the very best and she should be really proud of her book.
August 7, 2016
It feels strange to give this book a rating. How do you choose how many stars to give someone's tragedy such as this?
This was a horrible situation where something terrible happened to a happy family, something no family deserves. Cathy has told the story of her brother beautifully, and managed to tell it in a way that wasn't overly depressing (which I appreciate, having very recently finished A Little Life). One of the reviews on the cover described it as life-affirming, and despite everything that happened with Cathy's brother, I agree.
This was a horrible situation where something terrible happened to a happy family, something no family deserves. Cathy has told the story of her brother beautifully, and managed to tell it in a way that wasn't overly depressing (which I appreciate, having very recently finished A Little Life). One of the reviews on the cover described it as life-affirming, and despite everything that happened with Cathy's brother, I agree.
July 9, 2015
Time taken to read - < 1 day
Pages - 243
Publisher - Picador
Blurb from Goodreads
In the summer of 1990 - two weeks before his GCSE results, which turned out to be the best in his school - Cathy Rentzenbrink's brother Matty was knocked down by a car on the way home from a night out, suffering serious head injuries. He was left in a permanent vegetative state. Over the following years, Cathy and her parents took care of Matty - they built an extension onto the village pub where they lived and worked; they talked to him, fed him, bathed him, loved him. But there came a point at which it seemed the best thing they could do for Matty - and for themselves - was let him go. With unflinching honesty and raw emotional power, Cathy describes the unimaginable pain of losing her brother and the decision that changed her family's lives forever. As she delves into the past and reclaims memories that have lain buried for many years, Cathy reconnects with the bright, funny, adoring brother she lost and is finally able to see the end of his life as it really was - a last act of love. Powerful, intimate and intensely moving, this is a personal journey with universal resonance - a story of unconditional love, of grief, survival and the strength of the ties that bind. It's a story that will speak to anyone who has lost someone close to them, to anyone who has fiercely loved a sibling, and to anyone who has ever wondered whether prolonging a loved one's life might be more heartbreaking than saying goodbye.
My Review
I didn't read the blurb from this book when it came through so I wasn't too sure what the book was about. The first chapter sets you straight on that, Cathy is at the hospital, years melt away and we go back to life before the accident. Cathy and her brother are close, teenagers on the brink of their adult life. When Matty is hit by a car and left with horrific brain injury, Cathy and her family have to learn to cope and look after Matty and deal with this new life. From praying for his recovering, learning acceptance of his condition and finally undertaking the heartbreaking decision to do what is right for Matty and say goodbye.
I could have read this one sitting, sadly I had to keep putting it down to concentrate on my essay, however I read it in less than 24 hours. This is an honest and heart wrenching story of a families loss of a vibrant member of their family. Of learning how to give medical care to keep Matty alive and well cared for. To coming to terms with the harsh reality of his condition, trying to cope with loss, guilt, love, emotions, hope and the devastating truth. Medical and legal processes, trying to keep a family together after one of the most devastating life changing events and taking the reading on this brutally honest and emotional journey.
It isn't often after reading a book you want to reach out and hug an author, after this book I did. An honest account of one of the hardest aspects of a persons life and the decisions and thoughts that follow. Rentzenbrink opens up her world of hurt and devastation with such emotion that you can't help but be touched by what their family had to endure. Grief is not always just about death and The Last Act of Love opens up a different view of what the other side can be like. Bless him and his family, reading this tale will make you want to hug your loved ones tighter. Reading this book is a bit of a roller coaster of emotion, you can't help but be drawn into the families heartache and I think this will conjure up memories and personal loss for some readers. 5/5 for me, I feel I could go on and on about this book, it will certainly stay with me long after putting it down. Thanks so much to Waterstones for sending me a copy of this in exchange for an honest review and a chance to read a book I may not have normally considered.
Pages - 243
Publisher - Picador
Blurb from Goodreads
In the summer of 1990 - two weeks before his GCSE results, which turned out to be the best in his school - Cathy Rentzenbrink's brother Matty was knocked down by a car on the way home from a night out, suffering serious head injuries. He was left in a permanent vegetative state. Over the following years, Cathy and her parents took care of Matty - they built an extension onto the village pub where they lived and worked; they talked to him, fed him, bathed him, loved him. But there came a point at which it seemed the best thing they could do for Matty - and for themselves - was let him go. With unflinching honesty and raw emotional power, Cathy describes the unimaginable pain of losing her brother and the decision that changed her family's lives forever. As she delves into the past and reclaims memories that have lain buried for many years, Cathy reconnects with the bright, funny, adoring brother she lost and is finally able to see the end of his life as it really was - a last act of love. Powerful, intimate and intensely moving, this is a personal journey with universal resonance - a story of unconditional love, of grief, survival and the strength of the ties that bind. It's a story that will speak to anyone who has lost someone close to them, to anyone who has fiercely loved a sibling, and to anyone who has ever wondered whether prolonging a loved one's life might be more heartbreaking than saying goodbye.
My Review
I didn't read the blurb from this book when it came through so I wasn't too sure what the book was about. The first chapter sets you straight on that, Cathy is at the hospital, years melt away and we go back to life before the accident. Cathy and her brother are close, teenagers on the brink of their adult life. When Matty is hit by a car and left with horrific brain injury, Cathy and her family have to learn to cope and look after Matty and deal with this new life. From praying for his recovering, learning acceptance of his condition and finally undertaking the heartbreaking decision to do what is right for Matty and say goodbye.
I could have read this one sitting, sadly I had to keep putting it down to concentrate on my essay, however I read it in less than 24 hours. This is an honest and heart wrenching story of a families loss of a vibrant member of their family. Of learning how to give medical care to keep Matty alive and well cared for. To coming to terms with the harsh reality of his condition, trying to cope with loss, guilt, love, emotions, hope and the devastating truth. Medical and legal processes, trying to keep a family together after one of the most devastating life changing events and taking the reading on this brutally honest and emotional journey.
It isn't often after reading a book you want to reach out and hug an author, after this book I did. An honest account of one of the hardest aspects of a persons life and the decisions and thoughts that follow. Rentzenbrink opens up her world of hurt and devastation with such emotion that you can't help but be touched by what their family had to endure. Grief is not always just about death and The Last Act of Love opens up a different view of what the other side can be like. Bless him and his family, reading this tale will make you want to hug your loved ones tighter. Reading this book is a bit of a roller coaster of emotion, you can't help but be drawn into the families heartache and I think this will conjure up memories and personal loss for some readers. 5/5 for me, I feel I could go on and on about this book, it will certainly stay with me long after putting it down. Thanks so much to Waterstones for sending me a copy of this in exchange for an honest review and a chance to read a book I may not have normally considered.
July 17, 2016
Duecedly beautiful, schathingly painful, ultimately ulplifiting and utterly moving tale of Cathy and her family dealing with the tragedy that was thrust upon them when the horrific accident left her brother -- Matty -- into a vegetative state. This tale of love and loss will shatter your heart into a million pieces and then put it back together filling the cracks with hope. I have no words to explain how beautiful this book is. Just read it!!
The letter in end of the book that Cathy has written for her dead brother is something you won't be able to read without tears welling up in your eyes.
The letter in end of the book that Cathy has written for her dead brother is something you won't be able to read without tears welling up in your eyes.
April 23, 2015
Brilliant. Moving, warm, agonising, unputdownable. One of the best memoirs I've read.
Read
May 23, 2016I can't give this book a rating - it doesn't seem fair. Would I be rating it for content? (Brave, moving, honest, open, emotional.) Or for writing style? (I prefer a more crafted style.)
It's enough to say that I couldn't put it down and I was incredibly moved by Rentzenbrink's and Matty's story.
It's enough to say that I couldn't put it down and I was incredibly moved by Rentzenbrink's and Matty's story.
July 6, 2019
I remember there being quite a lot of hype around when Cathy Rentzenbrink's memoir, The Last Act of Love, was published in 2015, and I have been keen to read it since. It is focused upon Rentzenbrink's relationship with her adored younger brother, Matty, and the aftereffects of a tragic accident he was involved in as a teenager.
The Observer calls her memoir 'life-affirming', and author and surgeon Henry Marsh deems it 'profoundly moving'. The book's own blurb describes The Last Act of Love as 'a true story of a happy family ambushed by loss, the unknown place between life and death, and how to find love and joy in the world even when you know it will never be the same again.'
When Rentzenbrink was seventeen, her 'clever, funny and outgoing' brother, younger than her by a year, was knocked down by a car when returning from a youth club in rural Yorkshire. The family had moved to a village pub just a year before the accident, and it was here that Rentzenbrink was alerted to the fact that her brother had had an accident. At the time, she did not want to disturb her parents, and made her way to the scene in a bystander's car. She reflects: 'Matty was lying in the road. He looked so long: his body was covered with coats... I knelt next to him, touched his forehead, stroked his cheek with the back of my fingers. His eyes were closed. There was no damage to his face. I couldn't see any blood. I felt for a pulse. Found it. Kept my fingers wrapped around his wrist so I could feel the evidence of his life.'
She would soon realise just how serious her brother's condition was. Matty was placed into an induced coma after having surgery for a traumatic head injury. After his operation, Rentzenbrink thinks: 'Surely someone this fit and strong couldn't die? Surely someone who was loved this much couldn't die?' Although the family were hopeful at first, he was diagnosed much later as being in a persistent vegetative state, and was unable to walk or speak again. Rentzenbrink charts his very slow rise out of unconsciousness, into periods of 'sleep and wake'. He was tube fed, and unable to make even yes and no responses. Matty passed away eight years later, in 1998.
During this time, the customers in the pub asked constant questions about Matty, and when he was expected to make a full recovery. The family tried to be open, but this, writes Rentzenbrink, created its own set of problems: 'Misunderstanding abounded. Because we always talked positively and hopefully about Matty, people tended to think he was doing better than he was and were then shocked if they visited him to find that his gaze was either vacant or his eyes looked over to the right...'.
Rentzenbrink begins her memoir with such honesty. She has gone back, as an adult, to visit the memorial chapel in the hospital which Matty was cared in. After his passing, she reflects: 'What strikes me now as it never has before is that I can't say my prayers went unanswered. I was given what I asked for. My brother did not die. But I did not know that there is a world between the certainties of life and death, that it is not simply a case of one or the other, and that there are many and various fates words than death. That is what separates the me standing here now by the prayer tree from the girl kneeling in front of the altar all those years ago. She thought she was living the worst night of her life, but I know now that far worse was to come.'
The tone of the narrative feels fitting for such a memoir. Rentzenbrink's writing has clarity and is emotive, but is not so suffused with emotion that anything else is overshadowed. Despite the heartbreaking nature of the story, I found The Last Act of Love highly readable. Throughout, Rentzenbrink offers her deepest thoughts, and it does not feel as though she holds anything back. After Matty contracts his first infection, and then recovers from it, she remembers the following: 'This was the first time I caught myself wondering if it might have been better if he'd died. Would Matty have wanted this life? Unable to do anything except open his eyes, have epileptic fits, occasionally make noises when in pain? I didn't allow these thoughts to develop, nor did I see how I could ever voice these to my parents, but they were there.' She goes on to voice her belief that she should have been injured instead of her brother, and the extreme guilt which she felt in not making the most her life due to the overwhelming waves of grief which filled her.
In less than 250 pages, Rentzenbrink has written a deeply visceral, frank, and poignant memoir, about something which shaped both herself and her family. She never speaks of herself, or her brother, with pity; rather, she examines the effects of his accident, and some impossible decisions which the family had to make. She talks quite openly about the way in which she turned to alcohol and sex in order to help herself cope with the situation, and the effects which moving away to attend University had.
One cannot help but be moved by the beautifully written The Last Act of Love. I shall end my review with this incredibly wise, and profound, comment which Rentzenbrink makes toward the end of her memoir: 'Sometimes an absence can become as significant in our lives as a presence.'
The Observer calls her memoir 'life-affirming', and author and surgeon Henry Marsh deems it 'profoundly moving'. The book's own blurb describes The Last Act of Love as 'a true story of a happy family ambushed by loss, the unknown place between life and death, and how to find love and joy in the world even when you know it will never be the same again.'
When Rentzenbrink was seventeen, her 'clever, funny and outgoing' brother, younger than her by a year, was knocked down by a car when returning from a youth club in rural Yorkshire. The family had moved to a village pub just a year before the accident, and it was here that Rentzenbrink was alerted to the fact that her brother had had an accident. At the time, she did not want to disturb her parents, and made her way to the scene in a bystander's car. She reflects: 'Matty was lying in the road. He looked so long: his body was covered with coats... I knelt next to him, touched his forehead, stroked his cheek with the back of my fingers. His eyes were closed. There was no damage to his face. I couldn't see any blood. I felt for a pulse. Found it. Kept my fingers wrapped around his wrist so I could feel the evidence of his life.'
She would soon realise just how serious her brother's condition was. Matty was placed into an induced coma after having surgery for a traumatic head injury. After his operation, Rentzenbrink thinks: 'Surely someone this fit and strong couldn't die? Surely someone who was loved this much couldn't die?' Although the family were hopeful at first, he was diagnosed much later as being in a persistent vegetative state, and was unable to walk or speak again. Rentzenbrink charts his very slow rise out of unconsciousness, into periods of 'sleep and wake'. He was tube fed, and unable to make even yes and no responses. Matty passed away eight years later, in 1998.
During this time, the customers in the pub asked constant questions about Matty, and when he was expected to make a full recovery. The family tried to be open, but this, writes Rentzenbrink, created its own set of problems: 'Misunderstanding abounded. Because we always talked positively and hopefully about Matty, people tended to think he was doing better than he was and were then shocked if they visited him to find that his gaze was either vacant or his eyes looked over to the right...'.
Rentzenbrink begins her memoir with such honesty. She has gone back, as an adult, to visit the memorial chapel in the hospital which Matty was cared in. After his passing, she reflects: 'What strikes me now as it never has before is that I can't say my prayers went unanswered. I was given what I asked for. My brother did not die. But I did not know that there is a world between the certainties of life and death, that it is not simply a case of one or the other, and that there are many and various fates words than death. That is what separates the me standing here now by the prayer tree from the girl kneeling in front of the altar all those years ago. She thought she was living the worst night of her life, but I know now that far worse was to come.'
The tone of the narrative feels fitting for such a memoir. Rentzenbrink's writing has clarity and is emotive, but is not so suffused with emotion that anything else is overshadowed. Despite the heartbreaking nature of the story, I found The Last Act of Love highly readable. Throughout, Rentzenbrink offers her deepest thoughts, and it does not feel as though she holds anything back. After Matty contracts his first infection, and then recovers from it, she remembers the following: 'This was the first time I caught myself wondering if it might have been better if he'd died. Would Matty have wanted this life? Unable to do anything except open his eyes, have epileptic fits, occasionally make noises when in pain? I didn't allow these thoughts to develop, nor did I see how I could ever voice these to my parents, but they were there.' She goes on to voice her belief that she should have been injured instead of her brother, and the extreme guilt which she felt in not making the most her life due to the overwhelming waves of grief which filled her.
In less than 250 pages, Rentzenbrink has written a deeply visceral, frank, and poignant memoir, about something which shaped both herself and her family. She never speaks of herself, or her brother, with pity; rather, she examines the effects of his accident, and some impossible decisions which the family had to make. She talks quite openly about the way in which she turned to alcohol and sex in order to help herself cope with the situation, and the effects which moving away to attend University had.
One cannot help but be moved by the beautifully written The Last Act of Love. I shall end my review with this incredibly wise, and profound, comment which Rentzenbrink makes toward the end of her memoir: 'Sometimes an absence can become as significant in our lives as a presence.'
December 22, 2016
It wasn't life-affirming and all the shit on the cover it's just sad. But it's good and had good writing. I feel like I couldn't relate to this book as much as others because I don't have siblings, especially not close to my age.
November 14, 2017
"Grief is the price we pay for love. we have to believe, better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
February 17, 2016
Giving my habit of not reading synopsis because they're usually full of spoilers, I only realised this is a non fiction halfway through the book. I was in a cafe in Edinburgh when I saw a girl engrossed in this with teary eyes and I was tempted to know why. I read it in one sitting and that tears-clogging-your-eyes feeling never left me.
September 27, 2017
Hum - not quite what I was expecting. This really is Cathy's story as much as it is her brother's. She spent quite some time in a very difficult state after her brother's accident and after his death too. In a sense this is as much the story of her grief and recovery. Easy reading, powerful, don't regret reading it for a moment but I guess it didn't blow me away maybe.
July 24, 2015
This book is an act of love, too. Beautiful book.
December 3, 2025
Indrukwekkend en ontroerend
June 14, 2023
I cried 😭. It’s so beautifully written.
August 12, 2024
We have not ethically, morally or legally caught up with our technical ability to prolong someone’s life, which is what makes this story heartbreaking but so important.
March 4, 2017
Originally blogged at: https://bookboodle.wordpress.com/2017...
I attended an event with Cathy Rentzenbrink at Booka Bookshop in Oswestry when this book was released in 2015. During the evening it was quite obvious the devastating effect this had had on Cathy and her family; her voice shaky with emotion as she spoke about her motivation for writing this book - in all honesty, after reaching the end, I think it was for cathartic reasons and the benefits of off-loading!
The book is a brutally honest account of living with a family member in a persistent vegetative state and the effects on those that care for them and quite frankly it details experiences that you'll wish you never have to go through. From everyday practicalities of feeding and washing to more medical procedures.
It's a very heartfelt story however, as I was getting towards the end I was beginning to lose patience. It is a very raw and emotional story but I so wanted her to move on sooner, not dwell and self-destruct. I guess until you've experienced such profound grief it's hard to relate.
I found the legal aspects of the book really interesting as I can remember, as a law student, discussing the Tony Bland case which involved the hospital and his family petitioning the court to allow the hospital to withdraw life-prolonging treatment. Such a heart-breaking decision to have to make but one which ultimately would bring, for want of a better word, closure.
Read if you like non-fiction family medical memoirs with legal aspects.
I attended an event with Cathy Rentzenbrink at Booka Bookshop in Oswestry when this book was released in 2015. During the evening it was quite obvious the devastating effect this had had on Cathy and her family; her voice shaky with emotion as she spoke about her motivation for writing this book - in all honesty, after reaching the end, I think it was for cathartic reasons and the benefits of off-loading!
The book is a brutally honest account of living with a family member in a persistent vegetative state and the effects on those that care for them and quite frankly it details experiences that you'll wish you never have to go through. From everyday practicalities of feeding and washing to more medical procedures.
It's a very heartfelt story however, as I was getting towards the end I was beginning to lose patience. It is a very raw and emotional story but I so wanted her to move on sooner, not dwell and self-destruct. I guess until you've experienced such profound grief it's hard to relate.
I found the legal aspects of the book really interesting as I can remember, as a law student, discussing the Tony Bland case which involved the hospital and his family petitioning the court to allow the hospital to withdraw life-prolonging treatment. Such a heart-breaking decision to have to make but one which ultimately would bring, for want of a better word, closure.
Read if you like non-fiction family medical memoirs with legal aspects.
June 2, 2016
Reading this book has been like reading one of my worst nightmares. I don't know what I would do if my brother ended up like Cathy's, but I know I wouldn't be as strong as she was.
This very sad story about how Cathy looses her brother is heartbreaking. Not only did she loose him when she was 17 in a car accident, she looses him again 8 years later when she and her family decides to let him die.
Cathy tells her story with such intimacy and love, that it became painful for me to read. I am extremely close with my brother and I understand that deep bond to 100 percent, so in a way this read was almost to close to home. But I enjoyed it immensely. Cathy takes me through every raw emotion of hers and she leaves nothing out. She was very honest about her feelings, the good and the bad, and I learned some things as well about taking care of a person in a vegetative state.
Although I liked that she didn't end the story with her brothers death, but also told of the aftermath and effect on her as a person in years to come, I felt like that bit dragged on a tad bit to long. But I loved her ending the book with a letter to her brother. It was beautiful.
This very sad story about how Cathy looses her brother is heartbreaking. Not only did she loose him when she was 17 in a car accident, she looses him again 8 years later when she and her family decides to let him die.
Cathy tells her story with such intimacy and love, that it became painful for me to read. I am extremely close with my brother and I understand that deep bond to 100 percent, so in a way this read was almost to close to home. But I enjoyed it immensely. Cathy takes me through every raw emotion of hers and she leaves nothing out. She was very honest about her feelings, the good and the bad, and I learned some things as well about taking care of a person in a vegetative state.
Although I liked that she didn't end the story with her brothers death, but also told of the aftermath and effect on her as a person in years to come, I felt like that bit dragged on a tad bit to long. But I loved her ending the book with a letter to her brother. It was beautiful.
June 22, 2015
This had me sitting up until the early hours sobbing. I knew from the first page that this was going to be one of those special books. It spoke to me, like a friend, I felt nostalgic for the 90's and the confused teenager girl who was desperately trying to find out who she was. I wanted to reach through the pages and give the young Cathy a hug, I needed to know that her family weren't ripped apart by such a tragedy (I'm in awe of all their strength, care and commitment they had for each other.) and even in the darkest moments, that they didn't turn on each other (they didn't). It made me think of my childhood (something that I've been doing more and more recently. ignoring the myth that I always put out there and what it really meant) and how fragile life is.
This is why I couldn't stop. I had to keep going, sobbing on my sofa until the early hours with my cat asleep on my lap, I had to know that the girl I read about, who had become part me, part friend was ok.
This is why I couldn't stop. I had to keep going, sobbing on my sofa until the early hours with my cat asleep on my lap, I had to know that the girl I read about, who had become part me, part friend was ok.
November 13, 2020
The subject matter of the book is a family tragedy, but despite that I thoroughly "enjoyed" this and would recommend it to anyone. The author writes beautifully and honestly without ever descending into mawkishness and self pity. Such a brave and poignant book, and surprisingly life affirming. It makes you reflect on how you would deal with a similar situation and raises questions about loss, grief, family, and life vs mere "existence". Her family sound amazing, and I'm excited to read more books by this author.
Read
October 20, 2015Love, fear, anger, rage, humour = heartbreaking - beautifully told - completely filled with love
October 28, 2021
This was a really moving and emotionally powerful book.
I haven't read much about the topic of accidents and assisted dying but I definitely learnt a lot from reading this book.
This book was really difficult to read at times. The trauma and the struggles Cathy and her family went through were hard to read.
Not only during the period after his accident, where their hopes of recovery were dashed but all the after effects of his death on Cathy's mental health and her future life.
This book was really eye opening and I can not imagine the difficulties Cathy and her family went through. It doesn't bare thinking about.
However, despite this book being difficult to read it was incredibly inspiring to see what horrible trauma Cathy and her family were able to overcome and see the amazing things they were able to achieve.
The writing was engaging and I liked having the newspaper articles about the case included.
Overall, despite being a sad read, I did enjoy this book and would highly recommend it
TW: death, mental illness and alcoholism
I haven't read much about the topic of accidents and assisted dying but I definitely learnt a lot from reading this book.
This book was really difficult to read at times. The trauma and the struggles Cathy and her family went through were hard to read.
Not only during the period after his accident, where their hopes of recovery were dashed but all the after effects of his death on Cathy's mental health and her future life.
This book was really eye opening and I can not imagine the difficulties Cathy and her family went through. It doesn't bare thinking about.
However, despite this book being difficult to read it was incredibly inspiring to see what horrible trauma Cathy and her family were able to overcome and see the amazing things they were able to achieve.
The writing was engaging and I liked having the newspaper articles about the case included.
Overall, despite being a sad read, I did enjoy this book and would highly recommend it
TW: death, mental illness and alcoholism
November 6, 2022
Bloomin' Readathon, lotus space: a book that features disability
I chose this novel for the space of disability representation since the synopsis mentioned that one of the main character doesn’t “walk or talk again” after a car accident. I thought this novel would be about how this sibling relationship changes after one of them becomes disabled and dependent on everyday life activities, but I didn’t think it would be about one of them entering a Permanent Vegetative State. I did feel cheated by it, I was expecting a wildly different story and that did stunt my enjoyment. Rather than a book about living with a disability, it’s one about dying with one and the aftermath of that. So, I’d say my expectations affected my experience with this memoir.
I did think it was interesting, truly an experience from which many people can benefit in being less alone, which almost makes me madder that they kept the synopsis so ambiguous. I would recommend if anyone’s interested but knowing that it’s about coping with grief and guilt and about euthanasia. As I’m studying how to care for dependent people right now it was useful to me in that domain too.
I chose this novel for the space of disability representation since the synopsis mentioned that one of the main character doesn’t “walk or talk again” after a car accident. I thought this novel would be about how this sibling relationship changes after one of them becomes disabled and dependent on everyday life activities, but I didn’t think it would be about one of them entering a Permanent Vegetative State. I did feel cheated by it, I was expecting a wildly different story and that did stunt my enjoyment. Rather than a book about living with a disability, it’s one about dying with one and the aftermath of that. So, I’d say my expectations affected my experience with this memoir.
I did think it was interesting, truly an experience from which many people can benefit in being less alone, which almost makes me madder that they kept the synopsis so ambiguous. I would recommend if anyone’s interested but knowing that it’s about coping with grief and guilt and about euthanasia. As I’m studying how to care for dependent people right now it was useful to me in that domain too.
April 30, 2023
Memoir, nonfiction
Heart-rending and so sad, this story is the journey a sister goes on from praying her brother will live to wishing he would die, and all the emotions that go with caring for a family member with major brain damage. It's the story of a young man's life cut short, and his family's journey of caring for him until the end.
It brings up a lot of good questions about end-of-life care and what to do when someone is in a permanent vegetative state.
It was a hard and emotional story to read, but I'm glad I read it. I probably won't read it again, but I do recommend it for other adults.
Heart-rending and so sad, this story is the journey a sister goes on from praying her brother will live to wishing he would die, and all the emotions that go with caring for a family member with major brain damage. It's the story of a young man's life cut short, and his family's journey of caring for him until the end.
It brings up a lot of good questions about end-of-life care and what to do when someone is in a permanent vegetative state.
It was a hard and emotional story to read, but I'm glad I read it. I probably won't read it again, but I do recommend it for other adults.
July 21, 2019
When Cathy was 17 her 16 year old brother was knocked down in a hit and run accident. He spent the next 8 years in a sort of waking coma or permanent vegetative state. This is Cathy's story of desolation, hope, sadness and love. It's a moving tale of sibling love and how one incident can impact on a life forever.
February 23, 2020
An incredibly poignant memoir of sisterly love towards a brother who suffers severe brain damage following a car accident. The emotional journey over the eight years in which her family care for him before, finally, appealing to let him die, is heartbreaking. Ultimately though, this is a book that is about the power of family, love and hope. I loved it.
September 28, 2022
This was the 3rd non-fiction book I read from Cathy Rentzenbrink. It's a memoir, a book where she talks about her brother who at 16 was hit by a car and was left in a permanent vegetative state.
She recounts their happy childhood, talks about the accident and then the pain, scars and issues it brought to her and her family and describes the longing for the person who at first was not quite gone, but who never recovered from a vegetative state.
Cathy writes wonderfully and is able to put so easily her feelings into words. We can really feel her pain and very often I had to fight tears (and stop the audiobook...).
The story was not new to me since in her other books Cathy was quite upfront about what had happened to her brother, how much she had suffered with the accident, the caring for him and his loss. But this one touched me more than her other books.
She recounts their happy childhood, talks about the accident and then the pain, scars and issues it brought to her and her family and describes the longing for the person who at first was not quite gone, but who never recovered from a vegetative state.
Cathy writes wonderfully and is able to put so easily her feelings into words. We can really feel her pain and very often I had to fight tears (and stop the audiobook...).
The story was not new to me since in her other books Cathy was quite upfront about what had happened to her brother, how much she had suffered with the accident, the caring for him and his loss. But this one touched me more than her other books.
August 22, 2017
Okay this wasn't what I'd expected it to be. I thought it was 'based on a true story' but it's actually a memoir.
I know that this may be a book I return to in the future when I inevitably go through losing someone I love. So far I've lived a pretty sheltered life and by that I mean no close deaths so there's always been a glass barrier between me and the topic of grief which I know will shatter one day and I hope that reading these things will help future me deal with it. I like the idea of grief as a constant and not having a final page like a novel. It feels realistic put this way.
It's a beautiful book but slows down quite a bit by the end. during the first half each chapter almost ended with a "cliff-hanger" so it kept you turning the page but that stopped in the second half so reading became slow. I always struggle with reading non-fiction.
I know that this may be a book I return to in the future when I inevitably go through losing someone I love. So far I've lived a pretty sheltered life and by that I mean no close deaths so there's always been a glass barrier between me and the topic of grief which I know will shatter one day and I hope that reading these things will help future me deal with it. I like the idea of grief as a constant and not having a final page like a novel. It feels realistic put this way.
It's a beautiful book but slows down quite a bit by the end. during the first half each chapter almost ended with a "cliff-hanger" so it kept you turning the page but that stopped in the second half so reading became slow. I always struggle with reading non-fiction.
August 13, 2020
This is the saddest thing I've ever read. It's about love in it's purest form.
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