Don't Jump

by Vicki Abelson

412 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2015

About the author

Vicki Abelson, the daughter of Borscht Belt Master of Ceremonies, Larry Katz, first appeared on stage at the age of four. An actress, comedian, rock promoter, publicist, manager, fundraiser and producer, Vicki thrice appeared on Saturday Night Live, co-starred with Robert Shimmel in a pilot for Comedy Central, and optioned a music reality show to Telepictures. Since 2008, Vicki has been presenting the crème de la crème of the music and literary worlds in her Los Angeles living room at her celebrity-driven literary salon, Vicki Abelson's Women Who Write. A featured contributor to The Huffington Post, The Fix and Reimagine Magazine, Vicki leads writer’s workshops and coaches privately in the real and cyber worlds. Vicki can currently be seen in Henry Jaglom's,The M Word.

Reviews

[Jim · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Do jump for Don't Jump, Vicki Abelson's funny, rowdy, touching fictional (?) memoir of sex, drugs, rock 'n' roll, stand-up comedy, and overbearing mamas kept me up till dawn several nights in a row, bleary-eyed but unwilling to put it down. Her insights into the worlds of entertainment and addiction are remarkable, and she negotiates the path from hilarious to deeply moving (and back) with finesse and precision. Add to that the fun of figuring out who she's really writing about, and Don't Jump is a wonderfully engaging ride through a world most of us only get to see from the outside."
Jim Beaver, Actor, Deadwood, Justified, Supernatural; Author, Life's That Way

[John Hartnett · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read an advance copy of Don't Jump over the course of three nights. I loved it. Ms. Abelson has written a wildly entertaining, wickedly funny and at times, heartbreakingly sad and honest "semi" fictional chronicle about her alter ego's journey through the rapids of rock and roll, standup comedy, marriage, children, addiction and overbearing parents.

Manhattan was a boom town for music and standup comedy during the 80's and Ms. Abelson's Andi Stone is right there in the midst of it. The author nails what New York was like at that time long before it went Disney, when it was still gritty, glamorous and unpredictable and when celebs still came out to party and not because their press agents told them to.

When we first meet Andi, she is a budding standup and soon to be highly successful music and club promoter who rarely gets the recognition she deserves from the mostly male owners of those quintessential "one day you're in one day you're out" Manhattan night clubs she promotes. Their egos get in the way of the reality that it's Andi's tireless work and connections that fill their clubs with the celebs and the free spending patrons that keep them from going belly up. In fact, some do. The work is a pressure filled grind but Andi perseveres, always with an eye on bigger and better things in career and romance.

Like Ms. Abelson, Andi has met and partied with 'em all - from the kings of late night comedy to an A & B list of who’s who in music, television and professional sports. If you're a fan of entertainment and the culture of celebrity, this book is for you. Abelson's stories of the rich and famous are insightful, sometimes hilarious, sometimes disheartening, at times even disturbing. Still, half the fun of reading the book is trying to figure out which celebrity she's actually referring to.

What sets Don't Jump apart from other "sex, drugs and rock and roll" survival stories is Abelson's/Stone's blunt honesty and willingness to share whatever it is that she is thinking or deciding during the course of her life for better or worse. There are no filters here and there are times when you may want to dump an ice cold bucket of water on young Andi Stone's head for some self centered thought or action but what's gratifying and so endearing about this character is that Andi continues to move forward and to gain perspective and when she does, you don't have to do a thing. She'll be the first one to reach for the bucket.

Relationships and marriage are a central theme of the book and Abelson's depiction of relationships that depend so much on what the spotlight provides is made that much more poignant and relevant to the reader when the spotlight is suddenly extinguished without warning or just cause. The entertainment business is a cruel mistress indeed, and Ms. Abelson's insider look at how getting in doesn't mean you get to stay in brings home the same fears many people have about the security of their jobs, families and relationships.

The chances are good that you'll see parts of yourself in Don't Jump and Andi Stone. When all is said and done, it's Ms. Abelson's brutal honesty and willingness to put herself/Andi out there - faults and all - that drives this book to the finish line. I thoroughly enjoyed spending three nights with Andi Stone and I bet you will too. Highly recommended.

[John Jeter · Rating 5 out of 5]

Vicki Abelson’s Andi Stone is a big hot mess. In Ms. Abelson’s exploding-off-the-page novel, DON’T JUMP, her central character yanks you into her story as an insecure and cocksure (that, too) babe; Andi’s the wild-ass hottie who would make an incredible girlfriend were it not for the fact that she’d screw up your life just as surely as she screws up her own. In Andi, Ms. Abelson delivers a protagonist you can’t help but cheer for, adore, want to rescue (and sleep with) and pity — sometimes all at once.

In her frenetic novel of almost-famous desire, destiny, destruction and dented and deferred dreams, Ms. Abelson explodes with prose that's at turns loud, sometimes introspective, here funny and there poignant. Her writing might be described as what would’ve happened if Nora Ephron had gone on a speed bender and written a female (and more profane) version of Frederick Exley’s classic, A Fan’s Notes. And it all shimmers through Ms. Abelson’s unforgettable, unreliable and unhinged young New Yorker who describes herself variously as a “narcissistic blowhard” — that’s in the read-me-now first paragraph — and “needy and neurotic.”

And so ... memoir or novel? You can’t help but think, as you’re ripping through the pages anxious to find out what happens to our sex- and drug-addled girlfriend, that Ms. Abelson’s book has to be autobiographical. And she drops big names like the sad-sack flower girl at your BFF's wedding -- the lavish one you wish you'll have and know you won't. Because most of those names are aliases of film, sports, TV and music stars, parts of the book become a parlor game, as you try to guess who the real star really is.

How does Ms. Abelson pull all this off so well, so beautifully?

As the great New York Times columnist Russell Baker once said about his boyhood hero in his Pulitzer Prize-winning memoir, Growing Up: “The boy I wrote about is dead.” In other words, you have to believe that IF her story's a memoir, then she has found the authorial distance necessary to create a work so so real, honest and vulnerable.

In the end, this book that its author brims with generosity-of-spirit, the secret sauce for great artists and the primary reason she can give us vein-opening honesty and tragicomic hilarity with heartbreaking compassion.

[Hubert O'hearn · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the second time I have written this, because Goodreads is fantastically annoying. However, it is worth the effort because I immensely enjoyed Don't Jump. It is as bright as the lights of the times it covers - largely the 1980's although it laps slightly over the sides of that decade. Part roman a clef, social commentary and social history, it all comes together in a sharp, shrewd and witty package that deserves to make the bestseller lists. Indeed, I am quite sure actresses will be having parking lot knife fights on their way in to auditions for the right to play in the eventual movie adaptation. There has not been a story like this since Postcards From the Edge - forty years has been a goddam long wait. Glad it has been entirely worth it.

Be seeing you.

[Jennifer Bradshaw · Rating 5 out of 5]

Five stars? Really? Yes, really. Reading this book is like being the best friend of a woman with a crazy, super interesting life. Sometimes you are in awe. Sometimes you are jealous. Often, you are mesmerized and will ask yourself "Did that just happen?". Told as a fictional memoir, this book will give you the scoop on the backstage world of comedians, bands, stars, and nightlife of New York City (and beyond) in the 1980's. The answer is "Yes! That just happened!".

"Don't Jump" follows the misadventures of Andi Stone, a trained actress/waitress/club promoter/band manager/stand up comic/pothead/girlfriend/wife/daughter/mother. Most of us could manage to be one or two of those things and do them well. Andi Stone is not most people, which is to say that her degree of success swings wildly, though not for a lack of trying!

There is something intriguing about a person who jumps into each situation with both feet and no parachute. You will find yourself thinking Andi is both equal parts smart, loving, headstrong, brave, ballsy,and tenacious- but she finds a way to coat those parts with plenty of laughter, honesty, and humility. Life is hard, and sometimes we all make it harder than it needs to be. I think most readers will relate to that, and so few books give us a larger than life character that embodies the best nature and worst impulses within all of us.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book and agree with fellow reviewers that this story will undoubtedly find it's way onto the big screen. Neither a "rom-com" or a "chick-flick", this book captures the true grit and despair of a child who needed attention, and later, a smart young woman who finds all sorts of attention- good and bad. Abelson/Andi hustles, creates opportunities, and kicks doors wide open. The book stays with you, and it's confessional tone allows you into the protagonist's inner world and challenges you to hate and love her- warts, hairspray, Cheeto Dust, Visine, and all.

Readers will find themselves cheering Andi Stone and celebrating with her, yelling at the pages when she messes up, wishing you could be her, but also maybe a teensy bit thankful that you aren't her.

[Chris · Rating 5 out of 5]

Some are lucky enough to get published - then some take it a step further - they write a truly great book. Gratz & hugs Vicki

[Jeff Craig · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliant!
John Jeter has this book pegged NEARLY as well as he has pegged its author. So well, in fact, that (full disclosure!) in the years I've known her and seen her progress on the book I've never asked if it's a novel, a memoir or an amalgam of both. I LOVE wondering to myself as I read it, just as I LOVE a great, elaborate magic trick ... but never want to know how it's done.
Vicki is a master of allusion.
Reading this is like eating her beloved Cheetos; you can't stop. But at least here your fingers don't get orange; Still, there are times it might be a good idea to go and take a shower and clean your hands but that's just something that adds a visceral bonus!

[Diane · Rating 5 out of 5]

Once in awhile I'll read a book that I haven't heard much about by an author I don't know and be pleasantly surprised. Reading Vicki Abelson's roman a clef Don't Jump- Sex, Drugs, Rock 'n Roll... And My F'ing Mother knocked me out.

Abelson begins her novel with her protagonist Andi, a 50-something woman who calls herself "a narcissistic blowhard with low self esteem" who felt that she should be somebody, like Julia Roberts maybe. But life doesn't work out that way...

Andi is feeding her two young children dinner and dealing with her mother Cookie who drives her crazy when her husband calls to tell her that he has been called into the HR office at his place of work, a late-night talk show (think David Letterman) where he is a writer. He has been fired- and we're off and running.

We flashback to Andi's life story. She is the daughter of divorced parents, and when her brother goes to live with her father, Andi becomes a latchkey kid whose mother works long hours and when she is home, is too exhausted to deal with Andi.

Andi's big love in life is smoking pot, which she does with gusto. She wants to be an actress and ends up working as waitress in a restaurant in New York popular with professional athletes and actors. She becomes very friendly with a married tennis superstar, and since her marriage to a drunken emotionally abusive man isn't working out, she thinks that maybe something can come of this flirtation.

Andi tries to become a standup comic, in an era when women were not standup comics. She becomes successful as a nightclub promoter, moving from one venue to another and this was most fascinating part of the book.

I didn't know much about the club scene in 1980's New York, and Abelson drops us right smack in the middle of this crazy scene- the music, the drugs, the drinking, the sex and the hard work it took for her create a career while dealing with crazy bosses and capricious musicians.

Besides Andi's career, we learn much about her love life. Andi becomes involved with a few men, most of whom are no good for her, but she longs to be loved. Then she meets the man whom she will marry, someone she has known for awhile and while he begins a career as a comedy on a succession of TV comedy/talk shows, she becomes a wife and supermom.

Her husband's career is nothing like Rob Petrie's from the old Dick Van Dyke Show though. There is no kicking it with Sally and Buddy, having fun everyday and then going home to Laura and little Robbie. A comedy writer gets hired on a successive thirteen week basis. If he does well for thirteen weeks, her gets another thirteen weeks of employment, unless the show gets cancelled. It is a stressful existence. (Side note- Don't Jump is published by an imprint started by Carl Reiner, the creator of The Dick Van Dyke Show.)

We see the difficulties of the business and the personalities. Part of the fun of this book is picking out the thinly veiled famous people- Letterman, Jay Leno, Bill Maher and Ray Romano among them.

This is the first book I read in 2016 and the year starts out strong. Don't Jump is smart, funny, profane, original, fascinating- everything you want a book to be. I felt like I was sitting on a stool at my favorite bar and this interesting chick sits down next to me and starts telling me her intriguing life story. I didn't want it to end and I give it my highest recommendation- READ THIS BOOK. If you liked Carrie Fisher's Postcards From the Edge, you'll love Don't Jump. (And by the way, HBO or Netflix should pick this up pronto- it is tailor-made for them.)

[Stephanie Weaver · Rating 5 out of 5]

A hurtling subway ride through the worlds of comedy and rock clubs in the 80s and 90s.

I have never read anything like this book before. I’ve read books where I was completely confused as to what was happening, like Faulkner’s As I Lay Dying. I’ve read books with a circular narrative and unfamiliar character names (hello, Native American literature class) where I had to give in, go with the flow, and just experience the book.

But I have never read a book that felt like it MADE me read it fast, as if the narrative and I were hurtling along on a gritty, graffiti-covered New York subway train. The author’s memoir is thinly veiled as fiction, and provides an engrossing read in vivid detail, reminding me of my single days as a student in New York in the early 80s. She captures all the joys, and mostly the anguish, of being a single girl.

It’s a fascinating glimpse into the world of rock and club promotion, stand-up comedy, and the backstage drama that’s involved in writing for late night television.

In the second half of the book, the narrator’s life settles down and so does the speed of her prose, as she begins to find herself in recovery in Marijuana Anonymous and building a family with her second husband. Ultimately, the book is a love letter to her husband and family. Engrossing and recommended.

[Victor Brewer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm one of those who got an advanced copy of the book... it's a really good read mainly because Abelson guides you through a fascinating time in New York with a folksy, often crass (but charming) voice. She had a pretty unique perspective on it, not quite a star but certainly rubbing elbows with some stars you usually don't read much about. She changes the names of most of them but you can put two and two together to figure them out, actually it makes it even more amusing reading it, trying to figure out "let's see, who was that celebrity?"

[Susan James · Rating 5 out of 5]

Semi-Fictional autobiography about a fascinating, complex woman swimming upstream in a sea of rock and roll greats, drugs, sex and a life style as foreign to me as it is interesting. She has a wonderfully enjoyable writing style. I found it difficult to put down. Hope to read lots more from Vicki Abelson.

[Michael Des · Rating 5 out of 5]

The most common phrase in Hollywood is 'I know.' Miss Abelson skewers that myth like Jumping Jill Flash in a sitcom hurricane.

[Shelley Seitz · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved it. Such a raw, human, hilarious, gut-wrenching, entertaining tale. Thanks for the ride!

[Hayley · Rating 3 out of 5]

Review originally posted on my blog: https://rathertoofondofbooks.com/2015...

Don’t Jump is a work of fiction about Andi Stone. The novel is written like a memoir and is set out in a linear fashion. It is told in snapshots of her life, each story is a different length but it focuses on an aspect of her life and then it moves on to the next part. I loved how it was set out, it meant you could easily dip in and out of the book but actually, honestly, once you start reading it quickly becomes near impossible to put down as the writing is just so engaging.

Andi has worked as a comedian, and as a club and music promoter. She has been through her fair share of relationships and on the surface she seems to have a really fun life. I’m sure there were many, many fun times but there is a lot more reflection than I was expecting, a lot of nostalgia, a lot of wondering if she is doing the right thing, wondering if she is with the right man. She consults psychics and is very much led by what they tell her, especially with regards to men.

I expected this book to be very funny, and don’t get my wrong there are a lot of very funny things that happen in this book, but what I didn’t really expect was the self-doubt, the insecurity and the sadness. It’s the pathos in this book is what made is stand out for me.

The novel is ultimately a book about self-awareness, about how sometimes a person knows that what they’re doing isn’t right for them but somehow they can’t seem to stop. Andi often seems to be standing on the sidelines watching her own life descend into something she doesn’t want it to be but is powerless to stop it happening.

It was impossible not to feel a connection to Andi. She lives in this different world, surrounded by celebrities and it’s so far removed from my life and yet I could understand what she was going through, I could feel her pain. She felt like a real person to me and every time something went wrong in her life I was willing her to be ok.

Vicki Abelson is a very funny writer, the humour in this book is brilliant. There were laugh out loud moments. There were moments of toe-curling awkwardness that made me cringe and yet I still couldn’t stop laughing. I hope she goes on to write more novels, I’ll definitely be buying them if she does.

I’m so glad I got the chance to read this book; it was everything I hoped it would be and so much more besides. I recommend that you go buy it!

I received this book from the Get Red PR in exchange for an honest review.

Don’t Jump is out now and available from Amazon.

[Annie McDonnell · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was given a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
First I would like to say how much I loved the look and feel of this book. It was perfection! Favorite book to hold and flip pages!
Vicki Abelson takes us on an electrifying ride through life with her alter-ego, Andi Stone. She delivers a fictionalized memoir that will leave you with your mouth open; laughing, oohing, aahing, and Oh-Noing.
Andi is fascinating, and just too cool! I loved when she said, “I was now completely full of myself”. I think she always was (wink), but when she actually said it, I had to laugh out loud.
“Don’t Jump” is a total trip to read! You will laugh, you will cringe, and you will even tear up. She got high so much, I think I was getting the second hand smoke high! Her addiction to pot was just as strong as any of her other addictions, from men to fame. I was enamored with all of the celebrity appearances in this book.
Andi is a woman of many talents, always striving for something new and exciting in the entertainment industry in NYC. She is a force to be reckoned with, indeed. If she wanted something, she was going to get it or die trying.
The perseverance that Andi has is palpable, and you wonder why she was not on the front pages of People Magazine back in the 80’s.
Told with true grit and splendor, you will not want to put this book down.

[Book Banshee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Don’t Jump eviscerates the soul leaving it exposed to the wit, wisdom, and immeasurable talent that of Vicki Abelson. In just seven days (yes it took me that long), I experienced the next twenty-something years of life; minus the celebrity, fame and the best of the 80s. I feel like I have been rubbed raw with realization and enlightenment.

While my story may be different from Andi’s, there were many times we resonated in harmony the way the steady beat of a drum mingles and enhances the strum of a guitar.

Vicki’s writing is exquisite, worthy of a standing ovation. Don’t Jump was touted to be fast paced by other reviewers, and I agree, but for me – I wanted to fully soak it all in. When the book wasn’t in my hands, I was bored to tears with the things that normally lull me into slumber. The things that leave me feeling fulfilled left me feeling restless and underachieved.

This 12 Act dark comedy felt real to the point that it was a memoir written through the voice of an impeccable writer.


Hi, my name is Annie. It has been 8 days since I have read Don’t Jump…..


And I will never be the same.


I am glad I was extended the opportunity to jump in.

[Niki Livingston · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a ride! I felt like I was right there with Andi through her entire life story and was captivated from page one of this book. I absolutely loved the brilliant writing and exceptional detail, which quickly placed me back in the 70s and 80s like a charm. Vicki Abelson has a magical touch with words and her witty sense of humor made it a fascinating and enjoyable read. I hope I will be able to enjoy more of this authors fantastic work in the future!

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent and exciting story. I loved this book.